[Little tin cutouts of IIWF wrestlers go shuttling across the screen. There is heard a shot, and with an audible *ping* Dakota Bundy disappears from view. Another *ping* and Duncan Macbeth goes... then Derek Mota followed by Luke Steele and Chris Quigley. The camera pulls back to reveal a sharp-eyed Becky LaRue at a carnival shooting booth. She quickly spins the rifle around, taking aim at the camera, and moments later spiderweb cracks lace the camera lens. Suddenly, the little lines spin about to form a familiar logo:] ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| | || | \ v v / | __| |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| __ __ __ _______ ___ | //_ / | /| //_ /__ / | /__|\__/ | / // / // |// \ / // / / |/|//__ /__// //_______//__// /__/ ___ ___ ___ ________ | //__| /__\ /__\ / // //|/| | / // // \ / \ / // // / | |/|// // / / //__//__// | -------------------------------------- October 8 1997 * LiVE! * From Carowinds Park Charlotte, North Carolina [We join the broadcast team at their table, the temporary ring behind them. A line of bricks travels underneath the table, and underneath the ring. Larry Morton, his mouth full of cotton candy, stands jumps back and forth from one side of the bricks to another.] BL: Welcome to the War Room, live from this imaginative theme park directly on the North and South Carolina border. The idiot dancing about is an escaped exhibit from the freak show: "The Amazingly Useless Partner"! LM: I was in two states at once. BL: Yes, very good Larry. You should also note, I am located in a separate state than you are. Different laws apply here. LM: Like you can marry your cousin over there. [Larry begins to laugh at his own humor, stopping only when he begins to choke on his cotton candy.] BL: Yes, yes. Larry is a funny man. Lynch mobs, please form a line over there. LM: I had a great time here, Becky. We should come to theme parks more often. I rode the Bumper cars... and the carousel... BL: ...and The Vortex. LM: I'd just prefer you not mention the Vortex. BL: Ladies and gentlemen, Larry threw up on the vortex. LM: But I got a great consolation gift: Mr. Spock Ears! Na-nu, Na-nu. BL: Larry, that's... nevermind. As part of our promotion package, we must mention that Carowinds is operated by Paramount, who bring you the entire Star Trek experience on half a dozen independant channels at least threee times nightly. LM: Take me to your leader! Ouuuuuuch... Ellliioottt! BL: Where's my TASER? LM: Hey Becky, wasn't Jim and Tammy Faye Baker's "Heritage USA" somewhere around here? I loved that place. Did you ever go there? BL: You are joking, right? LM: I'll just have to stop in at "Focus on the Family" when we get to Colorado Springs. BL: Larry, look, a clown! LM: AAAGH! BL: Oh, I was wrong. LM: There are no clowns at carnivals. BL: No, you're the only one. LM: [Putting on the false ears] Luke, I am your father. BL: Beam me up, Scotty. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Equalizers vs. Barnacle Brothers. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The evening got off to a slow start as The Equalizers couldn't get much support from the crowd. The Barnacles, perhaps inspired by their trip down the water slide, looked inspired. Bluto kept up the offensive, downing Eric Sampson with a stiff forearm then dancing a hornpipe to the delight of the fans. This was the wakeup call that Scott Paulson needed, taking the hot tag and storming the ring with a new life. In no time he had Bluto in a fireman's carry, dropping him into a brainbuster. He quickly tagged in Sampson who put on a scorpionn deathlock for the win. The crowd smiled appreciatively. RESULT: Equalizers by submission. LM: This seems like a chance at a new beginning for the EQ's. Thought lost to memory, the way is open for a comeback. BL: It's not like it's going to take much to climb to the top of the Tag scene. Just a little effort. They won't be able to do it though. LM: Becky! BL: Prove me wrong. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ike Sampson vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton ------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was a tremendous pop for Local boy Ike sampson who entered with a more confident swagger than he's ever had before. The crowd quickly began a chant of "Starks fears Ike", which it was obvious Sampson agreed with. "Nifty" Ned did his best to win the hometown by wearing a souvenier coonskin cap into the ring, but got more laughs than cheers. It was obvious from the beginning the Sampson respected his opponent despite the fact he couldn't match Ike's power moves. Sampson seemed ready to apologize after one thunderous press Slam, but Ned didn't go down. That didn't happen until Ike follwed up with the "Deep Freeze" double underhook piledriver. Sampson covered for the pin, and Ned Norton became the first man ever to be pinned in two states at once. RESULT: Ike Sampson by pinfall. LM: A different Ike Sampson. With his defeat of Watkins last week, Ike has come of age in the IIWF. BL: Why, has he begun to shave? LM: I mean that he has matured and thrown off any childish doubts. BL: So you're saying he's finally tall enough to ride the roller coaster by himself? LM: No, I mean... oh, forget it. I wonder where I can get one of those hats like Ned had? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage vs Masked Marauders ------------------------------------------------------------------------ What is most noatable about this match was not who came out to meet the IIWF newest tag memebers of the JJS, but who didn't. When the Prophets were announced, it was Shadoe, and only Shadoe who entered. No Derek... no Pizzazz... no Medusa. Despite this, Shadoe decided to go it alone against his tag foes. Rage put on an impressive showing against the MM's, but in time even he couldn't handle the odds. A camera was quickly dispatched to the back, where they were greeted with a sickening scene. Derek was laid out on the floor of his dressing room. A noise alerted the cameraman to a supply closet where Pizzazz and Madusa were found bound and gagged. One her gag was removed, Pizzazz merely spat "Damage Inc." at the camera and put her hand over the lens. In the ring, Shadoe was in desperate need of a tag, and to the acclaim of the crowd, Derek Rage staggered his way ringside. He reached over the ropes for the tag, but Shadoe denied him! Finding new energy in his partner's arrival, Shadoe quickly executed the "Angel of Death" Moonsault Elbow on a masked opponant, getting the pin and ignoring Derek as he made the defense. RESULT: Prophets of Rage by Pinfall. LM: What is going on here? BL: Wrestling as usual. LM: First we've got Shadoe Rage fighting single handed, obviously not amused by his partner's abscence. But I'm sure that will be fine once he realizes that Derek was shanghaied by Damage Inc. BL: Ya gotta love that Damage Inc. After weeks of getting jumped, they're taking the law into their own hands. I like Jeandra's style. LM: You mean "Jenteal". BL: No, their manager's name is "Jeandra". Sheesh, Larry, first you mess up the Alba-toss, now this. I never thought I'd be doing this but... The IIWF would like to apologize on behalf of the stupidity of Larry Morton. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ronnie Paris vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The beginning of this match was delayed some twenty minutes as Bloom first complained that the carnival lights were in his eyes, then that the calliope was too loud. However, once the bell rang, worse of an annoyance was Ronnie Paris who made an all out effort to intimidate and terrify Bloom. Using his portfolio of moves, Paris would first tease one move, segue into a different one, then release the hold moments before "The Whine" could submit. Eventually, a confused Bloom cowered in the corner, refusing to come out until Paris promised to let him take the three count. Paris promised, but didn't follow through as he spent a few minutes more tossing Bloom around the ring. Finally tiring, Paris hit his top rope stun gun "Texas Twister" for the pin. Before he could exit though, El Super Gecko, Bobby B. Goode, Jumpin' Jack and Maurice MacArthur blocked the aisle, daring Paris to cross their line, and obviously unamused by Paris's vow to beat three of their ranks in a single night. Ronnie doubled up in amusement, but his mirth subsided when Billy Shakespeare stood alongside the ranks of the JJS. There was a long, quiet staredown, but it broke peacefully. RESULT: Ronnie Paris by Pinfall. LM: Ronnie Paris is vowing to top Billy Shakespeare's "Final Act Challenge" and pin three men in a night. He'll see if he can best three of the IIWF's elite members of the JJS. BL: What does he get if he wins? A cupie doll? LM: Do you have a cupie doll right now? I'd really like a cupie doll. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tonnage vs. Ricardo LeBleu ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was a mis-match as the man of meat met the JJS's mighty mite. BL: Larry, did you make up that alliteration by yourself? LM: Thank you very much, yes I did. BL: Don't do it again. Tonnage just laughed, as did the crowd, as the big man threw his weight around, literally, the difference between the two almost 400 pounds. Tonnage wasn't breaking a sweat as he tossed the little man from turnbuckle to turnbuckle: a press slam, a powerbomb, a ring shaking Belly-to-belly suplex. Tonnage teased a splash that would have flattened the little man. Changing his mind, Tonnage went for the Gigaton Crush, only to have the little manspring out of the way. Tonnage rolled suprised, LeBleu up the ringpost and down with his "True Blue" springboard sommersault senton backsplash. A suprised Tonnage did nothing, not understanding the gravity of his situation until the referee counted ..two..three! The crowd and Tonnage were shocked. With the realization that a jobber had the victory, the crowd popped, LeBleu standing mid ring, soaking in the applause. As if a dam had broken, the JJS flooded from the backstage, lifting LeBleu on their shoulders and parading him around the fairgrounds. Casey Jones genuflected for him. LeBleu signalled that he wanted to speak to the crowd, and he and the JJS crowded into the ring. Ricardo grabbed the mic... and promptly blasted Bobby B. Goode with it. The momentum on his side, he dropped Ned Norton with a Drop kick, smacked the Rotundos heads together, chased Triple M from the ring. He spat on Goode, wiping his lips off with his "There's No Justice Like Jobber Justice" t-shirt, exiting to a massive heel pop. RESULT: LeBleu by pinfall. LM: I don't understand this. One of the jobbers turning on their own... BL: Look it up on the website, Morton, this guy's no jobber. I think he was just doing a little scouting. LM: He's got confidence. BL: He's got Moxy. Who doesn't have much, aside from a reputation, is Tonnage. Hey, fat boy, are you here to wrestle or eat? LM: Speaking of which... um... I think that Chili Dog I ate has worked its way through me. [Larry suddenly jumps from his chair, knocking it over, and sprints for the facilities.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Natural Predators vs. High Plains Drifters ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Predators looked every bit the animal warriors they profess to be. The Drifters too lived up to their namesake, doing just enough to get along. Predator Wolf kept the match quick, making the fast tag to Bear who relied on his power, mixing up combinations of Chops and kicks with bearhugs and full nelsons. The Drifters, for their part, kept the match honest, trying to match the smaller Pale Rider against Wolf, and the bigger Easy against Bear. Eventually the match ups got mixed, and Pale found himself in the ring with Bear, only to be set up by Bear. Trapped, Wolf landed a spinwheel kick, following with a toss to the ropes. Pale rebounded into an Atomic Drop by Bear, and Wolf finished off the "Natural Selection" with a Superkick. Immediatly following the three count, Licensed for Devestation rushed ringside, flailing away on the Drifters with their bottles of Kessler's Whiskey. Unamused, The Natural Predators came in for the save, only to be similarly christened. Despite their weapons, thay couldn't beat all four of their opponants, and LFD allowed for the arrival of the security team to make their escape. RESULT: Natural Predators by Pinfall. [Becky waits alone, in silence for few moments] BL: What's up Drifters? We haven't heard from you since you returned. I SAID you'd lost your edge. Going down to Wolf and Bear... sheesh! Who's next? Moose and squirrel? It looks like LFD is after your hides, and I think they've got them. After that, I think they'll be going after Wolf pelt and Bear skin. LM: [returning suddenly] Hi, I'm back. Did I miss anything? BL: Aliens have taken over the bodies of the Drifters. LM: No kidding. That was a heck of a line down there. I told them who I was, but they didn't seem to care. It wasn't until I promised that I'd introduce them to you that they let me cut to the front of the line. So, um, there's about twenty guys that you have to meet at the end of the show. BL: Send them to the tunnel of love and have them buy plenty of tickets. LM: Did you say "Taken over by aliens"? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Machines vs. The Down Boys ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene is the backstage of the arena. Paul Wong and Simon O'Neal suddenly walk by the camera, yelling at each other.] PW: No. We are NOT going to jump the Harlequins from behind, and that's final. SO: Oh, sure. Give them a huge advantage over us. They've already proven that they are low-life scum, and I say that we show them that you don't jump us without getting jumped twice as hard. PW: We are better than that... SO: I'm not! You and your damn Boy Scout morals are going to cost us... [By now, they're past the camera, which can't pick up their voices anymore.] [Cut to footage captioned, "Earlier Tonight." Before the match, Awesome T came to the ring and grabbed the ring mic:] AT: Due to the heinous attack by Licensed For Masturbation... the Down Boys will not be able to wrestle tonight. Instead, I did tons of scouting on their opponents tonight, these Machines, and found two suitable replacements in Japan... SJPW, to be exact... two men, that I believe will be the perfect counter for the Machines, for they are machines themselves. Will you please welcome these two mysterious men from the orient... INCREDIBLE STUDNESS MACHINE and WONDERFUL DAZZLING MACHINE! [Cut back to the highlights.] Generic oriental music began to play as the "mysterious wreslers from the orient" made their entrances. The two predictably put on a showing of karate chps and kicks, randomly bowing towards the fans. Only the blindest of fans didn't notice that the two martial arts "experts" were wearing the Down Boys' wrestling atire, save for pastel masks covering their faces. The pair very much wrestled the same game as the Down Boys: Lucha style with dangerous ariel spots, quick tags, and launched flips. The Machines were the contrary of their opponents. Wong and O'Neal began the match yelling at each other, and a constant dialogue followed, their oriental opponants seemed little but an afterthought. At one point, O'Neal went for the tag only to be denied by an uninterested Wong. The match might have ended right then had the "mysterious orientals" not suddenly removed their masks and revealed themselves as the Down Boys to the delight of the crowd. Wong screamed for O'Neal to take advantage of the Boys showboating, O'Neal wouldn't listen. Eventually Wong did tag in, but it was only a matter of time before the distracted Machine fell prey to the Down Boys' "Unskinny Bop". With the sound of "Rock You Like A Hurricane" blasting from the Zipper, "Dazzling" Dan Oliver covered for the pin. RESULT: Down Boys by Pinfall LM: Trouble in paradise, Becky? BL: No. I'm perfect as usual. LM: I mean with the Machines. And with this win, the Down Boys become one of the top challengers for the tag belts. BL: And what a sad day that is for all of us. Have you noticed that if you mention a Tilt-a-whirl around this place, nobody thinks of wrestling. LM: Which reminds me Becky, when the show is over, do you want to go ride Space Mountain? BL: Is that an invitation, Larry? And aren't you making a Mountain out of a molehill? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Scott Rogers vs. Derek Mota ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rogers entered with Genesis compatriots Annis and Highwayman to face the Cruiserweight champion and one-time volunteer to lead Genesis. The match became brutal from the starting bell, Mota leveraging on the ropes to add emphasis to his leglocks; Rogers making every effort to dump Mota outside where Annis and Highway could double team, kick and trip him. Annis in particular seemed vicious, admistering a chokeslam at his first opportunity while Rogers dragged the referee to the corner to inspect a turnbuckle. With Genesis so obviously taking the upper hand, Highwayman swinging the Cruiserweight strap like a club and Rogers continually forcing the ref to look at the turnbuckle, Kevin Christiansen rushed rto the ring. With a pop from the crowd, "The Cavalier" drove his shoulder into the small of Highway's back, pitching him forward. Immediately, the young do-gooder lockedup with the bigger Annis, delivering knife chops at blinding speed. In the ring, the referee free of Rogers, began the countout on Mota. Mota crawled for the ring, but Highway managed to grab his ankle, the ref making the countout win for Rogers. Back to back, Mota and Christiansen faced the combined forces of Genesis. Rogers broke the tension by grabbing the microphone: [Rogers grabs the mic off Sparkplug. He shouts, visibly annoyed.] SR: Mota! I want ya to hear what I gotta say, _boy_! [Mota ignores him. Serge slaps him around the face to and Mota looks over.] SR: That's better. Show your betters some respect. [Massive heel pop.] Listen, Mota, not only are ya a Scott Rogers wannabe, you're not even _close_ to bein' a Heatseeker, baby. Who gives a _crap_ about ya? [Rogers pretends to think, rubbing his unshaven chin.] SR: Well, there's... yeah, and there's... oh yeah, and finally there's _Billy Shakespeare_. And ya little belt's _so_ desired they can't even find ya an opponent! [Rogers laughs, then spits at Mota.] SR: And I think it's fair to say, don't you, boys, that bein' a Wednesday Wonder's got its benefits?! [Serge nods his head, mock seriously. Highwayman just stands watching. Rogers glances at him, pauses, then carries on.] SR: The reason the suits didn't sanction the cage match, Mota, is 'cause they didn't wanna see one o' their champs made a laughin' stock. And as for you leadin' Genesis. Keep on dreamin'. But, hey, if ya'd beat me tonight, that's exactly what ya'd be, so now you gotta tell me you're a Scott Rogers wannabe... [Massive heel pop as Rogers hurls the mic at Mota and in an obviously practiced exercise, even though Highwayman looks slightly displeased. Off camera, Highwayman can be heard to mock "I'm Derek Mota... oh, Scott, I wanna be _you_... please let me!"] Genesis stalked off only to be faced with an unamused BIlly Shakespeare. Billy continued his way down to the ring, taking up the abandoned Cruiserweight Belt, holding it aloft to the cheer of the crowd. Christiensen then walked up to him, demanding the belt back, which Billy reluctantly surrendered. "The Cavalier" then returned the the belt to Mota who tossed his hair back, wiped the sweat off his forehead and licked it at Christiansen and Shakespeare before leaving. RESULT: Scott Rogers by Countout. LM: I don't know who dislikes who more. Mota and Genesis, Mota and Shakespeare... BL: Larue and Morton... LM: Don't say that. We still have a date coming up! BL: Yeah, maybe in the year 2020. LM: I was hoping that we could start tonight. The Carowinds Palladium has booked The Monkees. # Hey, hey we're the Monkey's... # [Becky's eyes blaze furious, Larry changes his demeanor quickly] LM: Here, I got you this. [Larry hands Becky a model of the Starship Enterprise boldly emblazoned NCC-IIWF. Becky sits dumbfounded.] LM: There won't be a War Room next week as we travel across these united states on our Road to Ring Wars IV tour, but we'll be back in two weeks. So until then: Don't ride the Vortex after eating a cherry slushy. Take it from a man who knows. [The camera pulls back as the crowds engulf the table. Becky remains dumbfounded. Larry notices that someone has stolen all his ride tickets from his pocket.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+