. ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross & "Soundbite" Steve Roberts Tuesday 21 October 1997 ................................................... ["Go Insane" by Lindsay Buckingham plays as the shot opens up on the sprawling grounds of the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The famed "Wings of Blue" stunt parachuting exhibition is seen, with twelve parachutists leaping from a height of 10,000 feet in the noted "barber pole" formation. The shot pans to the enormous American Legion Memorial tower and to the 61/2 foot marble Resner Statue, each commemmorating the heroes of the Armed Forces. Cut to an overhead of the 46,000 seat Falcon Stadium, nestled in the Rampart Range of the Rocky Mountains.  IIWF crews are visible putting the finishing touches on the ring which will be the home to this week's IIWF Saturday Night. Finally to the 31,000 square foot Barry Goldwater Air Force Academy Visitor's Center, guarded at the gates by four enormous pillars, sporting the words: "Physical.  Professional.  Intellectual.  Character." Then into the Center, panning the 250 seat theatre... the Cadet Chapel... the restaurant and gift shop... and then to the second floor where the Lt. General Skip Scott Conference Faciltiy is found -- and standing behind a podium inside are two familiar figures, veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross and Steve "Soundbite" Roberts. Dross is wearing his customary blue IIWF blazer, augmented by a Red Baron necktie, while Steve Roberts has his familiar leather jacket over top a t-shirt picturing supermodel Christy Turlington kneeling and uttering the phrase, "Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot". The music fades as the shot zooms in on Dross.] TD: Hello again everyone, and welcome to "Inside the IIWF", your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews -- highlights and sidelights -- cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and then up ahead at what will be here in the finest professional wrestling organization in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host, Tim Dross, alongside, as always my tag team colleague, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts. SR: What's with all the uniforms, Dross?  Everywhere I turn in this damn place there's some white kid in starched pants saluting and calling me "Admiral".  That's the kind of thing I'd normally pay big bucks for back in the city, Dross. TD: We are in Colorado Springs, Steve Roberts, home of the United States Air Force Academy, where some 28,000 cadets have become trained over the past 40 years to gain the knowledge, skills, values and behavior to become America's future air and space leaders. SR: From Leavenworth to the military.  Normally it goes the other way, Dross.  You know... My Lai... Cambodia... Tailhook.  Four Dead in O-hi-o. Near as I can figure, the Air Force Academy's turning out future felons faster than Moxy Blue was turning out license plates this week. TD: I don't think that's necessary. SR: Be glad that was the way I decided to manipulate the phrase "turn out" Dross.  TD: The Road to Ring Wars IV indeed took a peculiar detour last Saturday Night in what was certainly a tremendously physical series of matchups live from the Federal Penitentiary at Leavenworth.  Here is one final look at the results: ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: IIWF Saturday Night: 18 October |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... 1. IIWF World Heavyweight Championship: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder d. "To Excess" Rick Williams 2. IIWF World Tag Team Championship: Cold Quins d. Prophets of Rage/Damage Inc. 3. Duncan Macbeth/Billy Shakespeare d. Chris Quigley/Ronnie Paris 4. Derek Mota/Kevin Christiansen/Simon Lebec d. Serge Annis/Scott Rogers/Highwayman 5. Tony Starks d. Ike Sampson 6. Otto Verhoeven d. Requiem 7. LFD d. Natural Predators/Machines/Down Boys 8. Tim Turner/Dakota Bundy d. Moxy Blue TD: A very exciting card from Leavenworth saw Brody Thunder continuing his domination over the entire world of wrestling with a victory over "To Excess" Rick Williams, who is the Champion of an independent wrestling promotion called the NLWP. SR: Damn, we've run out of warm bodies to job to Thunder, so now we've got to import them from bush leagues? TD: Oh, Steve Roberts, that's not fair -- you commented yourself, accurately I might add, that young Williams made more than a solid accounting for himself, giving Brody Thunder all he wanted before finally going down to defeat. I would suggest that a defeat of that nature speaks very well not only of Rick Williams but of the organization from which he comes.  An impressive performance indeed. SR: Yeah, I guess so, Dross.  You know, I really don't have anything against the minor leagues, even if some of my comments could occasionally be construed otherwise. TD: There's a lot of great wrestling out there. SR: Nah, I wouldn't go that far, I'd assume if I ever took the time to actually watch one of those other promotions I'd be too busy laughing my ass off at the ridiculous production values to to even take note of the litany of botched maneuvers and knocked off gimmicks.  How many flat out copies of this show are floating around the airwaves these days?  Hell, Dross, you and me have changed this business, partner -- and don't let any two bit hack ever tell you different. TD: Not that you watch them. SR: Hell, no.  Why the hell would anyone ever watch wrestling when they weren't getting paid for it?  TD: I think IIWF fans happen to enjoy wrestling of all types from all around the globe, Steve Roberts.  SR: Nah, not me.  I do my work and I catch a cab home.  I have a very full life outside the IIWF.  My charity work with the NAACP, my time at the soup kitchen making bologna sandwiches for those drunken bums, the nights I spend at the Beaver Trap in Portland helping young girls blossom into womanhood.... TD: How exactly do you do that? SR: Fists full of singles, Dross.  And business cards for the local plastic surgery clinic.  Nothing says "I'm a Woman Now" like a brand new set of 38 DD bazooms, Dross. TD: Well, the IIWF is indeed about to pop, Steve Roberts... about to burst in a major way as we are now less than three weeks away... Do you understand that, folks? Less than three weeks away from the big extravaganza Ring Wars IV, coming your way live on Saturday, November 8 live in front of 100,000 plus at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum!  Coming up in just a matter of moments, exclusive to "Inside the IIWF", we will be taking your _First Look_ at just a portion of what shapes up as one of the greatest nights in the history of the IIWF.  SR: The night Kauffman got Cattle Bustered into the steel chair? TD: No, I was referring to Ring Wars IV, coming your way on November 8 only on Pay-Per-View -- and we will have a portion of that great card coming very shortly. SR: That was pretty good though, right?  The thing with Kauffman. TD: Yes.  Also pretty good were a few of the other developments from Saturday Night.  SR: We gots new tag champs, Dross. TD: Indeed, the Syndicate, as expected, chose to vacate their championship belts -- we wish them nothing but the best of luck in the future -- and the brand new IIWF Tag Team Champions are the ever so unlikely pair of Tragedy and Icehawk, the Cold Quins. SR: I've said it before, Dross -- their are few things more boring in this sport than a tag title match... but we have some tag teams around the IIWF who are working damn hard -- and I want them to know the Soundbite has noticed. TD: Really? SR: Nah, screw them.  Especially LFD -- sure, I respect any team who cheats as much as they do -- but if I have to see that goddamn taser one more time... I've said it before, Dross... if I have to see that taser one more time I'm gonna start calling each of them Jacques.  "I am the LFD!" Look, guys... I'm cutting you some slack -- do you want to wind up like Nightwing?  Where is Nightwing, Dross? TD: The Phoenix is gone. SR: Do you want to wind up like Jericho, the ugliest man in all of professional wrestling until Dakota Bundy showed up? TD: Sebastian Jericho is gone. SR: Do you want to wind up like the Phat Boy... making all the little boys in the house jump for joy?  Where is the Phat Boy, Dross? TD: Tonnage is gone. SR: Not to mention poor Shakespeare.  Damn, I rode that boy maybe a little too hard... always ripping at him, day and night and night and day -- I heard he was last seen crying in the parking lot, saying "Why doesn't anybody like me?"  "Why does a good looking, rugged individualist like Steve Roberts keep saying that I suck?" Sad... so... so sad.  Whatever happened to that guy, Dross? TD: Billy Shakespeare and Duncan Macbeth defeated Chris Quigley and Ronnie Paris on Saturday Night in that tremendous Shower Room Showdown. SR: Oh.  Whatever.  The point is that we have a lot of good tag teams, I don't know any of their names, but I hear they're pretty good. So... hooray for the Dunlevy-Shakleford's... and good luck to the Canadians, Licensed for Damage Inc. TD: One guy will understand that, Steve Roberts.  One guy. SR: Only guy that matters, Dross.  TD: We also saw what apparently is the end of Genesis, Steve Roberts. Serge Annis, Scott Rogers and the Highwayman turning viciously on each other in that Mess Hall Brawl. SR: Who? TD: Just had to do that one last time, didn't you Steve? SR: Consider it "IIWF Soundbite Classics."  Coming soon on Thursday Nights.  You'll get all the favorties... the biscuit schtick... the t-shirt slogans... the Li'l Soundbiters... coming soon, baby dolls.  Don't ever charge the corner, kids... it'll be the best weekend of your life! TD: We also saw two absolutely brutal... brutal matches on Saturday Night. Tony Starks put on a performance that will long be remembered in the IIWF with his brutal destruction of Ike Sampson... and Otto Verhoeven got a measure of revenge against the former World Champion Requiem, defeating him in the Solitary Confinement Match -- a match that saw the unlikely appearance of the man known as the Blind Guardian. SR: Well, I don't know much about Grandpa Moses, but anyone who takes a hunk out of Boy Requiem is okay in my book -- but about that Starks match... that's the kind of thing we need more of around here.  Now, I ain't normally one to spread the credit around... TD: Really? SR: We all know the IIWF is all about me, Dross -- but I gotta say that Sampson/Starks was one of the great violent, borderline psychopathic matches we've had on IIWF Saturday Night -- and I gotta give it up to everyone involved. TD: I'm sure Tony Starks and Ike Sampson appreciate those remarks. SR: Oh yeah... them too. TD: Finally we had Dakota Bundy and Tim Turner surviving that "Over the Wall" match... Bundy by means of his remarkable toughness -- and Turner with... well, with a jet pack. SR: Ain't no dummies in the IIWF, Dross.  Whether it's something as elaborate as a triple cross or something as minor as Tim Turner flying over the wall via jet propulsion -- the IIWF ain't exactly full of chimps. TD: You are shameless. SR: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, Dross.  Or brilliant.  Or talented.  Or hung like a bull moose. TD: Good grief.  Folks, the beat goes on here on the Road to Ring Wars IV.... let's take our First Look at all the action set for this Wednesday Night!  ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Wednesday War Room: 22 October ....................................................................... [Dross and Roberts now sit at the head of a large table in Mitchell Dining Hall, one of the largest cafeterias in the country; a three and a half storey structure that serves five thousand cadets simultaneously... above the large banquet area is a mural featuring the Cadet Honor Code: "We do not lie, cheat or steal -- nor tolerate those who do."] TD: It is a commendable sentiment. SR: Uh-huh.  No wonder why we lost Vietnam, the military has too many faces.  We need some tough guys, Dross... a far better motto for the Air force would be: "If you ain't Cheatin'... You ain't Tryin'". --------------------------------------- Shadoe Rage vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom Subway Psycho vs. Casey C. Natural Predators vs. Barnacle Brothers Otto Verhoeven vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton --------------------------------------- TD: IIWF Superstars will be on display when the War Room returns after a week hiatus, included will be Shadoe Rage and the Natural Predators. SR: We've talked about Shadoe, Dross -- this guy is just nasty... I heard his old singles nickname was "Savage" and he is gonna snap right into Scott Bloom this Wednesday. TD: Misunderstood man. SR: What the hell are you talking about, Dross? Anyway, with Dirt Dog now teaming with Derek to make the Boyz from the Hood even tougher... you gotta wonder how a team like the Predators is gonna compete. TD: I'd suggest the Natural Predators are going to be just fine, Steve Roberts... they may not be the flashiest of teams here in the IIWF... but they are as fundamentally sound as anyone -- and I feel very confident that they are on the track to gold. SR: How 'bout the 'Butcher, Dross?  Love the way he rocked Boy Requiem on Saturday.  Clean loss, Chico.  Get used to it Req, your shoulders are gonna get real acquainted with canvas all across the countryside before it's all over. TD: Requiem had sort of a challenge for you, Steve Roberts -- that's the second superstar in two weeks who has "called you out," so to speak. SR: Hah!  Requiem says he wants fifteen minutes in the ring with me... best I can figure it, that's two minutes for him to run around the ring like a woman, yelling for his old gimmick stablemates to save him... two minutes of my beating the hell out of him before he breaks down and cries, begging me "Oh, Mr. Soundbite... stop hitting me in my overrated gimmick head!" And that leaves me eleven minutes, Dross... say, one minute to call all Requiem's friends on the phone and tell them that their buddy is a loser... and, I don't know... say ten minutes for that hot albino sister of his to climb into the ring, get down on her knees and show me her gratitude for finally putting her brother in his place. TD: So we can expect this match... SR: As soon as I get medical clearance, Dross.  I have a very serious back injury, you know. TD: We'll also see the "new look" Subway Psycho in action! ------------------------------ The Down Boys vs. The Machines ------------------------------ TD: Two of those tag teams about whom there has been so much talk are the Down Boys and the Machines... the question here is which version of the Machines will we see?  Simon O'Neal and Paul Wong... or will Luke Steele take his place on that team? SR: Doesn't matter, Dross -- it's still tag team action, meaning I'll be takin' me a nap! ------------------------------------------------- Timothy N. Turner vs. "One Man Army" Dakota Bundy ------------------------------------------------- TD: The promised matchup of the two winners from that "Over the Wall" matchup takes place on Wednesday with Tim Turner meeting Dakota Bundy. SR: Contrast in styles evident here, Dross.  But each of them will cheat -- and that already makes them better men than any of the losers they have chowin' down in this place.  ---------------------------- Marty Warnett vs. Highwayman ---------------------------- TD: The "Party Maniac" returns to action against a man who has long drawn his interest... now ex-Genesis member, the Highwayman. SR: You know, now that Culture Club has broken up for good... I'm real curious to see which of the members go on to have decent solo careers... which ones of them get some session work... and which ones wind up singing a song called "Raw Ratburgers" to a group of 12 year old Methodists in the middle of Ohio. TD: You're awfully far afield tonight, Steve Roberts. SR: It's all about the trust, baby dolls.  It's all about the trust. --------------------------------------------- Requiem vs. Kevin "the Cavalier" Christiansen --------------------------------------------- TD: The Main Event on the War Room will feature the former World Champion against Kevin Chistiansen. SR: You know... this is one I bet Requiem's got a chance in, Dross. After all, he knows I won't be there... hell, I won't even be watching... hell, I probably won't ever find out who wins the damn match -- you know they don't watch the War Room at the Beaver Trap.  Ol' Boy Req won't be nearly as nervous knowing I'm not around. He'll be able to concentrate... focus the full brunt of his mid-card energy on Shawn Kemp. TD: The Cavalier. SR: Him too. TD: It's Morton... it's Larue... it's the War Room -- and it's coming your way tomorrow night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 25 October ....................................................................... 1. "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin vs. Duncan Macbeth 2. IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley [c] vs. Serge Annis 3. Prophets of Rage & Tony Starks vs. Damage Inc. & Ike Sampson 4. IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CONTENDERS TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL: "Showstopper" Simon Lebec vs. Dirt Dog Unique Allah 5. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. Scott "the Fop" Rogers 6. THERE MUST BE A WINNER: Derek Mota vs. Marty Warnett 7. IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Cold Quins [c] vs. Licensed for Devastation 8. IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CONTENDERS TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL: Ronnie Paris vs. Dexter St. Croix TD: Big card for Saturday, Steve Roberts... led by an appearance by the one and only J.W. Hardin! SR: Wooooo!  The icon returns to the IIWF... I knew it was only a matter of time before he signed that contract and he came back to the Double Eye full time to kick that triple crosser's ass back to the bronze age. TD: Actually, J.W. Hardin has not returned to full time duty -- he requested a match specifically against Duncan Macbeth -- and he got it. SR: I gotta say, that says a lot to me about Macbeth.  Here's a guy who really wasn't anywhere a couple of months ago... then he wins that Battle Royal and his confidence just shoots up through the sky -- we saw last week he pinned Chrissie Quigley and now he's drawn the attention of the mighty Outlaw, the greatest wrestler in IIWF history!  Hell, it's an honor to get your ass kicked by the J.W. Hardin... he oughta ask to go twice.  We all should! TD: We'll also see the long awaited Intercontinental Championship match between Chris Quigley and Serge Annis... plus the Tag Titles will be on the line when the Cold Quins meet Licensed for Devastation. SR: Listen to me closely, Star... Chaos... don't bring the damn tasers to the ring.  Don't do it!  Don't do it!  Teenage suicide... don't do it! TD: We... we have the semi-finals of the Crusierweight Contender Tournament -- Ronnie Paris meeting Dexter St. Croix and Dirt Dog Unique Allah against Simon Lebec. SR: Didja see Lebec stab Christiansen on Saturday?  Hell Dross, when you suggested at last week's booking meeting that the IIWF go after "the man who rules the world," I didn't think you were just looking for a guy who would stab people. TD: Good grief. SR: Hell, Dross... what's next... "Hey, Lebec... why don't you hop in the car and pick up the Predators and St. Croix at the airport?"  Jesus, Dross -- he who does not remember history is doomed to repeat it, Chief. TD: We'll see Billy Shakespeare get his match with Scott Rogers... Marty Warnett will square off against Derek Mota for the third time in a "There Must Be A Winner" Match... and those two incredible tag teams... the New Prophets of Rage and Damage Inc., will hook up again -- but this time Ike Sampson and Tony Starks will be alongside in what is sure to be a red hot encounter. SR: Dammit Lebec... don't adjust the sunroof! TD: It's IIWF Saturday Night -- live from Falcon Stadium here on the campus of the Air Force Academy -- and it is coming your way this week! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Ring Wars IV: 8 November ....................................................................... TD: Here's what you've all been waiting for folks... on November 8 -- less than three weeks from today -- the IIWF superstars will meet in a quaint little 100,000 seat stadium in Los Angeles. It's Ring Wars IV.  And here is the _partial_ card. MAIN EVENT: IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OPEN CONTRACT MATCH: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder [c] vs. challenger IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Chris Quigley [c] vs. Duncan Macbeth IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Derek Mota [c] vs. Cruiser Tourney Winner IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Cold Quins [c] vs. TBD TD: We not only will have those four World Championship Matches at Ring Wars IV... but three other matches have also been announced. BRAGGING RIGHTS MATCH: Prophets of Rage vs. Damage Inc. SUBMISSION MATCH: Tony Starks vs. Ike Sampson GENESIS EXPLODES: Highwayman vs. Scott Rogers TD: Seven matches on the card... and you can expect five additional matches to be announced over the next two weeks!  Plus... plus... we are going to have two big matches as part of our Free For All -- the first being a Battle Royal -- where some eight IIWF superstars will battle, not only to have the bragging rights as a Winner at the biggest PPV of them all... but also... but also... The Winner of the Free For All Battle Royal will receive a title shot on IIWF Saturday Night on November 22 -- when the IIWF returns to its home in Portland, Oregon. "Which title," you ask? Any title the winner chooses!  That's right, the winner of the FFA Battle Royal will be able to select for which of the three singles titles he would like to fight on November 22.  He could fight for the World Title... He could fight for the IC or Cruiser titles!  It's a Battle Royal -- and it will kick off all the action on November 8 -- Ring Wars IV... only on Pay-Per-View! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... [Dross and Roberts are now standing on the Falcon Stadium football field, watching the Sabre Drill Team go through its paces as the IIWF crew continues setting up the ring.] SR: Teamsters.  Love 'em. TD: That's all we have tonight folks... hey, be sure to tune in next week for the 30th "Inside the IIWF" under our current "behind the scenes" production team.  The current producer of "Inside the IIWF" has been with this program now for seven months, beginning just before Ring Wars III -- and next week will be his 30th episode.  SR: Will we do anything special, Dross? TD: God, I hope not. SR: That's what I like about you, Dross... mix in a little self-promotion with a total disinterest in working any harder.  You the man, Chief! TD: Tune in tomorrow when Larry Morton and Becky LaRue recap all the action from Roswell, New Mexico... SR: Spooky. TD: ..."In the Wednesday War Room"... then on Friday the indefatigable Larry Morton will return to "Countdown to Saturday Night" -- then, of course, is the big show... two hours of the finest weekly live wrestling anywhere in the world... IIWF Saturday Night! SR: And I'm takin' the week off! TD: So... for Steve "Soundbite" Roberts and all of us here at "Inside the IIWF" -- I am Tim Dross saying, goodnight everybody! [Sting's "Shape of My Heart" plays as Roberts displays his t-shirt for Dross, drawing a chuckle from the veteran commentator as the shot and the music fade.]  +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+