. ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross & "Soundbite" Steve Roberts Tuesday 28 October 1997 ................................................... [Toni Basil's "Mickey" plays as the shot opens up on the primary entrance of 1313 Harbor Blvd. in Anaheim, CA.  The camera veers inside the wide earthen wall and into a small alcove where, above the heads of the hundred or so people waiting single file for their hands to be stamped and the doors to swing wide, is a bed of flowers which form the words: "Here you leave today and enter the world of yesterday, tomorrow and fantasy." The line moves forward... the gate opens clear... and the shot is filled with an explosion of sound, light and color. Vibrant flowers fill the sides of the buildings alongside an enormous roadway on which are horse drawn carriages, streetcars and an active series of railcars. The buildings in the shot represent a shopping mecca; stores offering all manner of paraphenalia are filled with the joyous squeals of happy children and the continuous ringing of even happier cash registers. As we move further down what appears to be an endless road, the land clearly fanning out to a seeming endless expanse, we see roller coaster covered hilltops marked by painstakingly handcrafted signs with words like "Tomorrowland"... "Toontown"... "Adventureland"... "Frontierland"... and, "IIWFLand"... Cut to what is fortuitously enough called, IIWF Land, where seated on "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" is veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross.  Dross waves to the camera - pointing to the world famous teacups in which are seated seemingly hundreds of Snow White's Dwarfs... all of which spin through the shot... faster and faster... the dwarfs almost seeming to become part of the screen as their spinning leaves a colored stream that forms words which are evident as the shot pans back:            "Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot!" Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, alongside a very comely Snow White, dramatically appears from center of the spinning tea cups, rising out of the dwarfs like a phoenix would... were it to have risen from hundreds of cartoon midgets. As Roberts and Dross make their way to an elevated platform set up by the clearly forming IIWF ring... the voice of the late Walt Disney rings throughout the park... "The World of Imagination, Hopes and Dreams, in this timeless land of Enchantment, the age of Chivalry, Magic and Make Believe is reborn -- and fairy tales come true. Disneyland is dedicated to the young at heart -- to those who believe that when you wish upon a star -- your dreams come true..." Then, almost inexplicably, follow the words.... "On the 30th episode of Inside the IIWF!" Cut to Dross and Roberts, each of whom is smiling broadly as the background music fades.] TD: Hello again everyone and welcome to a very special episode of "Inside the IIWF"... your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews -- highlights and sidelights -- cheers and jeers.  A look back at the week that was and then up ahead at the week which will be here in the finest wrestling organization in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host Tim Dross alongside my tag team colleague, the Happiest Soundbite on Earth, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! SR: Dross, we've been some spooky places over the last seven months... the bondage club, the voodoo temple, Leavenworth, Portland -- but this takes the blueberry pie, baby dolls.  We are here at ol' Walt's monument to paedophiles everywhere -- the Magic Kingdom of Disneyland. TD: Steve Roberts, you are having a wonderful time -- you've been on Big Thunder Mountain three times already. SR: And you've been loadin' up on the Swiss Family Robinson Corn Dogs, Dross.  I think you've got mustard where mustard just was not meant to go, big guy. TD: We are indeed here in Anaheim, California at the Disneyland theme park, where we are tonight celebrating the 30th episode of "Inside the IIWF" under our current "behind the scenes" production team! SR: Ain't much of a team, Dross -- just the guy with the beard who's always looking at pictures of Ashley Judd and banging his head against the wall.  He's creepin' me out, Dross.  TD: Indeed.  Who are not "creeped out" are the hundreds of thousands of the young and young at heart who come to Disneyland each and every year to ride the Matterhorn, the Pirates of the Carribean and Splash Mountain.  It is a celebration of all that is good, right and pure. SR: I did Snow White in one of them tea cups, Dross.  TD: And this Saturday Night -- right here in front of Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Alladin and the Lion King -- the Road to Ring Wars IV will make its final stop right here -- in the newly named "IIWFLand" to put on eight more great matches... eight matches that will set up what may be one of the truly great Pay-Per-View events of all time -- Ring Wars IV! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Ring Wars IV: 8 November ....................................................................... - NON-TITLE GRUDGE MATCH: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin - IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Chris Quigley [c] vs. Duncan Macbeth - IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Derek Mota [c] vs. Cruiser Tourney Winner - IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Cold Quins [c] vs. Harlequin Chaos & Edmund Fitzgerald - BARBED WIRE ELIMINATION MATCH: Creed vs. Serge Annis vs. Subway Psycho - Marty Warnett vs. Mystery Attacker - BRAGGING RIGHTS CAGE MATCH: Prophets of Rage vs. Damage Inc. - SUBMISSION MATCH: Tony Starks vs. Ike Sampson - Highwayman & Richard "Moxy" Blue vs. Scott Rogers & Dakota Bundy FREE FOR ALL: - Licensed for Devastation & Natural Predators vs. The Down Boys & The Machines TD: Wow!  So many big matches set and still more to come -- the biggest match of them all -- quite honestly, maybe the biggest match of the year -- is one we thought we'd never see: Brody Thunder vs. J.W. Hardin! SR: It's one that drugstore cowboy hoped he'd never see, Dross.  Oh yeah... he pulled the triple cross and he's wearing the strap -- but in Brody Thunder's heart he is still standing in Jay Dub Hardin's shadow. TD: And quite a shadow it is which that 350 pound Hall of Famer still casts over the organization which he helped build.  On IIWF Saturday Night, J.W. Hardin showed one more time why he is still consdered by many the greatest Champion in IIWF history with a pinfall victory over that unbelievable youngster, Duncan Macbeth.  SR: You know, I've had my eye on that kid for a while, Dross.  There's a lot of people around here who couldn't believe it when Macbeth won that Battle Royal a couple of months ago... but you just flat have to give it up to the guy, Dross -- he had the stones to stand in front of J.W. Hardin and take everything he had to offer.  Ain't no crime to lose to a legend... believe me, Dross -- I've had plenty of young kids with their shoulders on the mat thanking me for the pleasure. TD: I'm not sure that's a road down which we need to travel, Steve Roberts. SR: Aw... is everything a joke to you, Dross?  Is every innocent comment always turned in your sick, twisted, little mind into some type of golden shower sadomasochistic ritual involving raspberry sauce, Shetland ponies and a half dozen Phillipino girls calling you "Big American Poppa"? Oh wait... that's me.  Never mind. TD: J.W. Hardin will in fact meet Brody Thunder one week from Saturday Night in a non-title matchup that will be the Main Event to, perhaps, the Pay-Per-View of the year -- Ring Wars IV!  Now, although the Heavyweight title will not be on the line... the other three IIWF Championship belts will be contested -- and those matchups continued to come into focus this past Saturday Night. SR: Tell the people about the cruisers! TD: First of all, the Intercontinental Champion Chris Quigley continued what has been a tremendous run of title defenses with a big pinfall victory over Serge Annis... and it is, of course, that young Scotsman Macbeth whom Quigley is set to lock up with one week from Saturday.  SR: What's the deal with the freak, Dross?  Every week we have to see the little freak getting involved in the matches... his broken, pitiful little body not only the definition of pathetic... but a real example of how weak, sick and perverted the human mind can get.  It's almost Shakespearean, Dross... like Richard III... the broken outward physique only the physical manifestation of a truly twisted and tormented soul. TD: Well, I don't know if Steve Manning would appreciate, or even understand that rather bizarre characterization -- but this apparent ally of Chris Quigley's is indeed one of the more disturbed individuals to come down the IIWF pike in a long while. SR: Nah, Dross -- I wasn't talking about the cripple... I was talking about Sparkplug -- Jesus, Dross, when are the Feds gonna get that guy off the streets? Megan's Law, anyone?  Damn, we don't need a Pat Patterson type scandal around here, do we?  All the time with the NAMBLA paraphenalia... it's bad enough that we have Morton all the time calling me to his office to watch Delta Force just to "see Chuck's back kick" -- dammit, Larry... leave me the hell alone!  I got things to do you freaky sonofabitch. Someone's gotta do something about these guys... not to mention all the drugs... TD: Steve Roberts... I don't think we need to be throwing around unsubstantiated speculation of that nature. SR: All I'm sayin' is Warnett and St. Croix might make a real cohesive tag team, Dross.  TD: Speaking of the tag ranks, the Cold Quins, that combined team of Icehawk and Tragedy, held onto their IIWF Tag Championship belts with a hard earned victory over LFD -- and they will now, in a very interesting turn of events, defend those belts at Ring Wars IV against the team of Edmund Fitzgerald and Harlequin Chaos... who I guess we'll call... Harle-Spell. SR: Well, that name just sucks, Dross. TD: Do you have a better idea, Steve Roberts? SR: I'm sorta partial to Potato Famine, Dross. TD: What in the world does that have to do with Edmund Fitzgerald and Chaos? SR: Nothing whatsoever.  That's the beauty part.  Come on, Dross... feel the noize.  Girls rock your boyz.  Hey, Dross -- 'member when we had a team that danced around to all those 80's tunes... I dug them -- where'd they go? TD: That would be the Down Boys, Steve Roberts. SR: Yeah... what happened to them? TD: The other belt on the line is that Cruiserweight belt... and it's hard to find a hotter scene right now than the battle over the cruiserweight belt.  SR: Again, Dross... again... all the time forgetting "The Hunger".  I mean, I love a good Derek Mota match as much as the next guy... but the L'il Soundbiter would rather watch a young Susan Sarandon, if you know what I'm saying? TD: The Cruiserweight Contenders tournament semi-finals started out innocently enough, with that tough Texan Ronnie Paris defeating the increasingly effective Dexter St. Croix. SR: Now, maybe if you put Susan in the ring... maybe in a thumbtack match.... TD: However, the next match was to feature the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec against Dirt Dog Unique Allah... but neither man participated in the match.  Unique withdrew -- and we understand has given up his singles contract entirely -- to focus on his commitments with the Prophets of Rage. SR: "Oh... my clothes are so torn... Oh... my skin is so wet with perspiration... Oh... I'm bleeding my sexy blood all over the canvas... won't someone come and put me in a spinning toe hold... maybe hit me with an asai moonsault and pin my shoulders to the mat for the... 1 -- 2 -- 3!"  The winner... and _NEW_ Inter-Gender Champion of the World... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! TD: Simon Lebec's disappearance from the cruiserweight contender's tournament was less voluntary -- he and Otto Verhoeven perpetrated an absolutely heinous attack on Lord Byron and Lady DeWinter... and frankly I don't know if we will ever see Simon Lebec in the IIWF again.  SR: That DeWinter is tough... but I think I can take her, Dross.  Hey DeWinter!  Beat me if you can... Survive if I let you! TD: So... the IIWF could have allowed Ronnie Paris to advance on to Ring Wars IV via forfeit... that's one way they could have gone -- and I'd assume there are some critics who would have preferred that.  You know, there are some people whose idea of this sport is limited to what goes on inside the squared circle. SR: What the hell are you talking about, Dross? TD: Thirtieth show, Steve Roberts.  I'm due a moment just for me.  And now the moment has passed.  What the IIWF did do, Steve Roberts, involved a ladder, a ticket, a half dozen members of the Jobber Justice Squad fruitlessly brawling in the aisle, a battle between Dakota Bundy and Richard "Moxy" Blue that featured Scott Rogers and the Highwayman almost using the two cruiserweights as "Rock-Em Sock-Em" robots... and then Timothy N. Turner and his now trademark jet pack, flying into the stadium and snatching away the ticket.  A wild, wild scene. SR: So, the bottom line is that Timmy Turner is up against Ronnie Paris next week, winner goes against the crazy, little Canadian bastard at the Pay-Per-View.  That about right? TD: Well, yes. SR: Damn, Dross... you gotta learn to get to the point.  Use your words more carefully. Space... them... out... Dross. TD: I'll take that under consideration.  It will indeed be Derek Mota who moves on the Ring Wars IV as the holder of that championship belt.  He was nearly the victim of an ingenious contract switch between Marty Warnett and Billy Shakespeare -- however, with Shakespeare so close to capturing that title -- his long time rival Ronnie Paris interfered -- costing a furious Shakespeare dearly.  SR: Imagine if Blitzphere were still with the promotion, Dross.  Then he'd really be mad... he might make us all go see him in "Twelfth Night" or something.  Oooooh, whatchu gonna do when Big Bad Billy and his iambic pentamenter runs wild on you? TD: Derek Mota moves on... and the other half of that contract switch saw Marty Warnett complete a very impressive week where he defeated both the Highwayman and Scott Rogers -- but then Marty Warnett fell victim to a man who apparently has been terrorizing him for the last couple of months... SR: Whose name is? TD: I... I don't know.  But he is accompanied by one of the largest men I have ever seen -- and is staking his claim as the rightful Superstar Champion.  For several weeks we have all been led to believe it was Marty Warnett's old rival Stud Stetson who was making a return to the IIWF... but it appears to be this man who will now go on to Ring Wars IV and meet the "Party Maniac" in what is sure to be quite an encounter. SR: The robots are going at it too, Dross.  The suits realized that the contenders would get a higher buyrate then a Rogers/Highwayman match... so Blue and Bundy have joined the mix -- and now it's become a tag.  Good idea from where I'm sitting, Dross.  TD: And there's one more match which has been announced... one more match -- and well, Steve Roberts, to say it is an intriguing one would be an understatement. SR: Creed's quitting!  Wooooooo!  Aw, won't that be so sad... there won't be any reason to run that tape of him getting his ass kicked by his daddy Watkins.  Jesus, Dross -- the brothers be running out of the IIWF faster than a convenience store after a holdup. TD: The former Intercontinental Champion Creed did indeed announce that Ring Wars IV will mark his final appearance in the IIWF, although I have it on fairly good authority that he will be pursuing opportunities elsewhere -- and one of those opportunities came at the end of Serge Annis' loss to Chris Quigley when he Dragon Creedplexed Serge onto a steel chair! SR: Creedplex.  Oh, how I love guys that name maneuvers after themselves.  Hey, Mr. Creed, you can go to whatever minor league that will take you... but the name stays here, punk.  Ever heard of intellectual property, Creed?  Ever heard of Federal trademark violations?  Enjoy trying to get over out in "We Suck Federation" with your new "Me-plex" finisher. TD: Well, it's a match that features three superstars of whom you are not particularly fond, Steve Roberts.  Creed will meet Serge Annis and the Subway Psycho at Ring Wars IV... and that match will take place in an IIWF first... it will be a barbed wire match! SR: Yes!  Yes!  and Yes!  You know that joke, Dross... "what do you call one hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?"  "A good start."  Well, you take these three jokes, put them in the most brutal, dehumanizing, dangerous, potentially fatal match in the history of the IIWF -- and you know what you got... a good start! TD: Indeed, for fans of the IIWF who have perhaps a "hardcore" bent -- three of the toughest men in the world are going to stand inside a ring whose ropes are barbed wire... and it's not one fall to a finish, folks. This is an elimination match.  It will be ugly.  It will not be for the faint of heart. Nor will the big matches between Tony Starks and Ike Sampson and that titanic Bragging Rights Match between the Prophets of Rage and Damage Inc... now, these six men hooked up in a non-televised encounter on Saturday Night -- here is a very brief recap of that action. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: IIWF Saturday Night: 25 October |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... TD: It was a tale of two matches. The first, a preview of what is sure to be a white hot tag match, the Bragging Rights Brawl between the Prophets of Rage and Damage Inc.  On this night... the bragging rights belonged to DI.  Damage Inc was not only more cohesive, but more focused -- a little sharper -- and a little quicker than were the Prophets.  DDUA was in his full stupor, a condition that seemed not to bother his partner Derek, but noticeably irritated both third man Tony Starks, as well as Shadoe Rage, who was seen in the stands. However, on this night it was only Starks who could remedy the situation -- he leapt into the ring, preventing a possible DI pinfall and then the second match took place.  Ike Sampson, waiting with an internal fury that could no longer be abated, attacked Starks savagely... the two men taking their war outside the ring and momentarily up into the stands... allowing all six men a period of action... In the end it was Ike, a superstar perhaps coming into his own in the IIWF -- Ike Sampson introduced Tony Starks to the ringpost... and then to a steel chair... and then to the canvas. One... two... three. It was Sampson and DI on this night -- and maybe again next week when these two matches... become two matches... it will be Ring Wars IV.  It will be November 8. And here are the rest of your results from IIWF Saturday Night: - "Outlaw"J.W. Hardin def. Duncan Macbeth - IIWF Intercontinental Championship: Chris Quigley def. Serge Annis - Damage Inc./Sampson def. Prophets/Starks - Timothy N. Turner def. The Field - Marty Warnett def. Scott Rogers - IIWF Cruiserweight Championship: Derek Mota def. Billy Shakespeare - IIWF Tag Team Championship: Cold Quins def. Licensed for Devastation - Ronnie Paris def. Dexter St. Croix ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Wednesday War Room: 29 October ....................................................................... [Dross and Roberts have passed through New Orleans Square, the Soundbite having picked up a Pirates of the Carribbean eyepatch and Dross gnoshing on a "Yo Ho Ho Hogie".  The two men are now in Adventureland, standing in a long line for the very popular audio-animatronic ride "Indiana Jones' Adventure".] TD: Big card coming your way from Universal Studios tomorrow night... the final War Room prior to Ring Wars 4! SR: Dross -- I just ain't standing in this line anymore. TD: Steve Roberts, we have seen Fantasmic! and the Spirit of Pocahontus, we've been to Club 33 and now it's time to ride the Indy... I say we do First Look right from the line.  It'll be fine. ----------------------------------------- Warnett's Attacker vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton Fitz/Chaos vs. Barnacle Brothers Serge Annis vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom Duncan Macbeth vs. El Super Gecko ----------------------------------------- TD: Some very intertesting matchups... SR: Screw this, Dross.  We're cutting in line. [The Soundbite whistles, and then an enormous "Winnie the Pooh" makes his way to the line, leading to the happy clapping of those waiting for their turn.] SR: Hey, Pooh Bear... Whatchu got in that honey pot?  [Winnie stands at a LemonShake stand, approximately 20 feet from the line... and then begins to grab a number of familiar souvenirs to IIWF fans.  A red Creed glove... a Steve Kowalski tricycle... a Mad Dog Watkins rocking chair... a Joe Petrow U.S Championship belt... Winnie giving each item away... people slipping out of line -- storming their favorite bear as Steve Roberts repeats the line over and over again... "I'll hold your place... don't worry, I'll hold your place."] SR: Suckers. [Dross and Roberts quickly advance to the main loading area, hopping into a Hummer type "troop transport" which sits inside a replica of an ancient jungle temple.  Winnie quickly runs out of goodies... then removes his head to reveal his identity as...] TD: The Smooth.  Unbelievable. SR: Hey, Dross... who woulda ever thought I'd be asking Smooth what's in his honey pot?  World keeps turning, Chief.  Hey, we're up. [Dozens of displaced children scream at the IIWF commentators, Soundbite responding with a hand gesture that lets the kids know, "they're number one" as our boys begin their ride. The voice of Harrison Ford intones, "look into your soul... for the pure of heart will be one of three gifts... wealth... youth... knowledge... For the impure.....goodbye."] TD: Yikes.  Tomorrow night, we'll see Marty Warnett's attacker for the first time in the ring, alongside, we'd assume, that monstrous "bodyguard" of his. SR: I don't know anything about him Dross.  Already he's my mostest favorite wrestler.  Anyone who can beat Warnett every week... with that much style... I'm gonna like this kid, Dross.  I can feel it. TD: We'll also see the pairing of Edmund Fitzgerald and Harlequin Chaos debut less than two weeks before they get a shot at the IIWF title. SR: Potato Famine's gonna eat 'em up, baby dolls. TD: Superstars Serge Annis and Duncan Macbeth will also be in action on the War Room! [The special effects then explode on the screen as the motorized car takes on the effect of moving 60 mph, smoke billows up around Dross and Roberts as they go hurtling into a lavabed filled with poisonous snakes... snakes seeming to pop into the car as our boys dodge pinpoint darts which seem to come out of nowhere and head directly for them.] TD: Good God! SR: We're gonna get the treasure, Dross!  Fortune and Glory, baby dolls... Fortune and Glory! ------------------------------------ Dakota Bundy vs. Richard "Moxy" Blue ------------------------------------ TD: Aeeeeee... rematch of that wild cruiserweight contender's semi-final... and that "Over the Wall" match from Leavenworth -- these two wildly disparate individuals seem to be building a nice, nice rivalry here in the early stages of their IIWF careers... SR: Good to see... Jesus, Dross -- look out for that spike! [A giant spike thrusts from the ceiling... almost seeming to puncture the vehicle.] TD: Uh... Highwayman and Scott Rogers will probably make some kind of appearance in that one. SR: Wheeeeeeee! ------------------------------------- "Real Deal" Luke Steele & Shadoe Rage vs. Dexter St. Croix & Kevin Christiansen ------------------------------------- [The video game-like special effects continue as Dross and Roberts head inexorably toward the Temple of the Forbidden Eye.] TD: Intriguing matchup here... four men who will really look to gear it up as Ring Wars IV approaches.  We've seen Luke Steele effective not only in singles, but also in recent weeks as a Machine... Shadoe Rage is just beginning his singles career after a long stint as one-half of maybe the greatest tag team in the world... Dexter St. Croix has really begun to pick up his game and the Cavalier is as solid a fundamental competitor as you'll find in this sport.  Your thoughts, Steve Roberts. SR: Snakes!  Snakes!  Snakes!  Can't this damn thing go any faster? Ahhhhhh... ohhhhhh [The car drops down two levels below ground... where Dross and Roberts are buried in a tomb like cellar filled with bones... the names on the open caskets familiar: The Hangmen... Mr. Damage... Violence Unlimited... Ryan Howard... Tonnage...] SR: Where the hell's Shakespeare, Dross? ----------------------------------------- Damage Inc. vs. The Equalizers Prophets of Rage vs. High Plains Drifters ----------------------------------------- TD: Those two teams who are so close to that historic Bragging Rights Brawl will get to see each other close up on Wednesday.  Damage Inc. will meet a team which has yet to find its way in the Equalizers... and word is that without a good showing here the Equalizers will be on their way out of the IIWF. SR: The skeletons are coming alive!  The skeletons are coming alive! Look out for the dead Musashi, Dross! [A skeleton with a knife protruding from its skull swings on a giant rope toward the car.  Dross buries his head in his hands as the Soundbite shouts, "You'll never take me alive, you sons of bitches!" And then unbuckles his seatbelt and stands in the car, pointing to his chin as images of demons flash throughout the screen.] SR: You animated bastards is scaring my buddy Dross! TD: We'll also see the Prophets... DDUA and Derek against the former champions, the High Plains Drifters, a group still looking to return to... Steve Roberts, will you sit down... the ride is ending... [The sunlight is again evident as the ride eases to a halt... the voice of Harrison Ford intoning... "Come back for the sequel... there's always a sequel".] TD: Tune in... tune in tomorrow for Larry and Becky and all the action on the War Room.  Good grief. SR: You know who was a hottie?  Karen Allen.  Damn Dross... we get snakes, a spike, a dead Enigma and flying demons... but no Karen Allen. Happiest place on earth my ass. TD: Wednesday War Room -- don't miss a second! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 1 November ....................................................................... [Dross and Roberts now sit on the monorail which is headed for Tomorrowland, they are surrounded by characters from The Hunchback of Notre Dame -- along with Cinderella, who sits astride the Soundbite.] 1. IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder [c] vs. Requiem 2. CHAMPION vs. CHAMPION NON-TITLE MATCH: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. Derek Mota 3. FOUR CORNERS MATCH: Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. Duncan Macbeth vs. Tony Starks vs. Marty Warnett 4. Subway Psycho & Serge Annis vs. Highwayman & Scott Rogers 5. IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CONTENDERS TOURNAMENT FINAL: Ronnie Paris vs. Timothy N. Turner 6. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. Ike Sampson 7. Cold Quins, Harlequin Chaos & Edmund Fitzgerald vs. Licensed for Devastation & Natural Predators 8. Down Boys & ? vs. The Machines & "Real Deal" Luke Steele SR: No, Cindy baby... there aren't any cartoons but you, baby.  That Snow White is a 'ho.  And maybe a man.  I don't swing that way, baby dolls. TD: Big card on Saturday... one more title defense for Brody Thunder before RW4 as he meets the former world champion, Requiem. SR: We miss ya, Req... so many losses left in your career -- so little time to accrue them... TD: We'll see a non-title match between Chris Quigley and Derek Mota in a big match between the two Canadians -- remember, Chris Quigley is set to meet Duncan Macbeth just one week from this Saturday and, Derek Mota will meet the winner of another big match this Saturday, the Cruiserweight Contenders Final between Ronnie Paris and Tim "Jet Pack" Turner.  A man who might have interest in that one is Billy Shakespeare, who will hook up with Ike Sampson on Saturday. SR: Jasmine?  She a skeezer, Cindy.  I saw her and Goofy in "It's A Small World" over in Fantasyland... and believe me, whoever wrote that song wasn't talking 'bout Goofy.  Good God, Dross -- Goofy's the John Holmes of the Magic Kingdom. TD: Some wild mixed matches, there won't be any friends to be spotted when Verhoeven, Macbeth, Starks and Warnett meet in a four corners match... have to assume we'll be some some of their other rivals make an appearance in that one.... SR: Hey, Byron -- maybe you don't understand the definition of Loser _Leaves_ Town... we want you out, baby dolls.  Take your faded glory, your red gloved buddy Creed and hit the bricks, Chico.  But leave DeWinter here.  No... No, Cindy... I didn't mean it.  Here... take a bite out of this apple, baby. [The Soundbite and Cinderella unfortunately slide underneath a Lion King blanket, Roberts occasionally popping his head out to offer his asides.] TD: We'll see Ring Wars opponents team up in what is sure to be an exciting encounter when the Subway Psycho and Serge Annis meet Scott Rogers and the Highwayman... also the Cold Quins and their _orignal_ partners... SR: This is startin' to get confusing, Dross.  Oh, Cindy... there ain't nothing confusing about that. TD: The... Harle-Spell... SR: Potato Famine. TD: ...will meet LFD and the Natural Predators, two bitter rivals who will now become teammates at Ring Wars IV -- and at Ring Wars IV they will take on the combined forces of the Machines and the Down Boys... SR: Mmmmmm. TD: But this Saturday, it will be the Down Boys and a Mystery Partner meeting the Machines and Luke Steele -- in a wild match that will kick off IIWF Saturday Night! It's the finest two hours of live wrestling anywhere in the world... it's IIWF Saturday Night and it will be coming.... SR: Hey, Dross, speaking of... TD: Family show, Steve Roberts... 30th episode... Family show... SR: Yahtzee! TD: It will be coming your way live from Disneyland... and it will be coming this Saturday Night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... [Dross and Roberts are now in Tomorrowland, about to step foot on their final coaster of the day... Space Mountain.] TD: That's all the time we have this week, we hope you have enjoyed our very special 30th episode of "Inside the IIWF" with our current team... SR: And if you didn't... screw you, Chico! Screw you!  My buddy Dross is giving you everything he's got... week after week... does anyone ever say, "Thank you Dross... Thank you for thirty weeks of mediocre television?"  Hell no!  You people can hand and swing, baby dolls... hang and swing. TD: ...as much as we've enjoyed bringing it to you.  Join Becky and Larry for a recap of all the action on the War Room... and then Larry once again on Friday as he brings you the "Countdown to Saturday Night" -- then right back here to Disneyland for all the big, big action on IIWF Saturday Night!  One week away folks... one week away. So, for Steve "Soundbite" Roberts... SR: Can I do the wrap, Dross?  Please?  Please? Pleeeeeeaaaasssseeeeee? TD: Sure, Steve.  After thirty shows and more than seven months -- you can do the close. [Roberts and Dross begin their ascent up Space Mountain... an exploding star rains dust throughout the shot.] SR: I'm Roberts... he's Dross... the guy with the beard is back there somewhere... Ring Wars IV is next week and this has been "Inside the IIWF"... Whether You like it... Or whether you don't like it... You got to learn to love it, baby dolls... Cause this is the _mighty_ IIWF and it is the best thing goin' today! [Paul Simon's "The Obvious Child" plays as Dross and Roberts look at each other as they reach the top of the Mountain, each man letting out a "Wooooooooo" as they plummet rapidly and the screen is lit up in a supernova... before going completely black.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+