. ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross & "Soundbite" Steve Roberts Tuesday 4 November 1997 ................................................... [Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Pride and Joy" plays as the shot opens on an overhead view of the majestic Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum.  The full 17 acre structure is visible, from the 13 arches with surround the exterior of the building to the two monstrous video scoreboads which dominate the field. We sweepingly see the full range of the 92,000 seats which are contained inside the Coliseum... and then, from the north tunnel comes a white horse... it is Traveler, the team mascot of the University of Southern California Trojans.  Traveler majestically circles the track, sweeping faster and faster around the football field until his circles grow small -- Traveler moving into the center of the field as the shot zooms in and we are able to discern the identity of the rider of the horse, veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross. Dross dismounts, waving an enormous white flag which reads "Inside Ring Wars IV" -- and as the music fades, the blue blazer clad Dross sits on a stool dead at the fifty yard line.] TD: Hello again everybody and welcome to a very special episode of "Inside the IIWF", your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews -- highlights and sidelights, cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and up ahead at what will be here in the finest professional wrestling organizations in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host Tim Dross and we are here, folks.  We are here at the world famous Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, where five short days from tonight we will witness one of the great events in the history of our sport, Ring Wars IV. And -- to help me take a look, "Inside Ring Wars IV" is, as always.... [Thundering over the P.A. are the taped words of Sparkplug Lee...] SL: Ladies and Gentlemen... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! [Van Halen's "Running with the Devil" blares out over the PA, an enormous platform held up by members of the Jobber Justice Squad, all dressed as Roman Centaurians, enters through the tunnel.  Upon the platform is, of course, the Soundbite.  Roberts is dressed in a long white robe topped with a crown of thorns, he is throwing what appear to be business cards to the field... as a woman... a woman who is dressed in a Snow White costume clings to his ankles.] TD: Steve Roberts, welcome. [Roberts is helped from his perch, seating himself on a leather reclining chair which seems to appear from nowhere.] SR: Friends!  Morons!  L'il Soundbiters! Lend me your ears.  I come to bury Genesis not to praise them.  Oh, fair Requiem says he has left Culture Club to pursue his career in nude "modeling"... and we know that Requiem is an honorable man. And then there are the battling Cold Spell, Billy and Tad... when will they ever give up this petty bickering and give into the love that dare not speak its name? Oh, we cannot forget the almighty Annis, his decade of jobbing behind him, he devotes his life now to spreading the gospel of his German shepherd Sam.  Step into the wire, Sergey baby... blade 'em all.  Let Sam sort 'em out. TD: And the Highwayman and Rogers? SR: Are they still with the promotion? TD: Good to see some things never change... things like Ring Wars, the defining event on the calendar of every professional wrestling fan.  We are here at the LA Coliseum, where some 75 years ago the USC Trojans met Pomona College to kick off what has been a storied history unlike any Stadium in this country.  SR: The Pope was here, Dross.  In the very same spot where Otto Verhoeven will anoint Lord Byron with a holy Slaughterslam. TD: The LA Coliseum is a federal landmark, the only stadium in the world to host two Olympiads, two Super Bowls, two World Series' and now, in the biggest moment of them all, Ring Wars IV! SR: It was a pretty big moment here ten years ago... ten years ago, Dross, when the "Superstar" Billy Graham spoke in front of a record crowd 134,000 people!  I heard he put on the old purple tights and went toe to toe with Sammartino for 60 minutes.  Not bad for a guy with one hip. TD: I believe you are thinking of a different Billy Graham, Steve Roberts. SR: No... the religious guy, right?  That's the one... hell of a spinning toe hold -- and when he frog splashed off the 50 foot tall Jesus... I tell you, I was a believer, Dross.  Can I get an amen! TD: It indeed is quite a sight, this massive, historic structure.  2.5 miles of electrical lines, 130,000 pounds of sod.  A field that is a full four and a half acres.   And this Saturday Night... this Saturday Night this building will be shaking with the fever of 100,000 fans of the IIWF... and they are going to see fourteen big, big matches that will be as entertaining, as surprising, as action packed, as explosive as any card anywhere in the history of this sport... and here, folks... here is your _First Look_ at all that will go down at RING WARS IV! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Ring Wars IV: 8 November ....................................................................... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [MAIN EVENT] NON-TITLE GRUDGE MATCH: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: One match, Steve Roberts.  A match for the ages, a true battle that represents the totality of the IIWF's existence.  Cowboy vs. Cowboy... the World Heavyweight Champion Brody Thunder against the legendary Outlaw, J.W. Hardin.  SR: If this match is cowboy vs. cowboy, it's like Jesse James against Barry Switzer, Dross.  Jay Dub Hardin is, was, and always will be the man.  It doesn't matter who the Champ is, or who pulled some kind of lame triple cross -- J.W. Hardin is the IIWF... he's proved it time and time again -- and he'll put one more notch in his belt this Saturday Night. TD: To do that he will have to get past the man whom many believed to be the natural heir apparent to "The Outlaw".  Brody Thunder has been on a tear since the aforementioned triple cross, scoring pinfall victories over Otto Verhoeven, Rick Williams and Requiem.  Many believe that, while J.W. Hardin may be the greatest of all time -- it his his protegé Thunder who right now deserves the honor as "Best Wrestler Alive". SR: To me, Dross... this ain't about Old Gen vs. New Gen... this ain't about Student vs. Teacher... this is about "The Moment". You know what I mean, Dross?  "The Moment"? It's Washington at Valley Forge... It's Teddy Roosevelt climbing up San Juan Hill... It's JFK at the Berlin Wall... It's Neil Armstrong stepping on the moon... It's Elvis taking a dump, it's John Wayne Gacy putting on a clown suit and going to the pony league playoffs, it's Rick James snortin' his last royalty check and then setting fire to his prostitute hostage, it's Jeffrey Dahmer eating another black kid's fingertips and it's young Chelsea Clinton, her legs up in the air and her dress over her head, shouting out, "Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot!" in the back of my rented El Dorado last night with Side B from Led Zepplin Four playing on my eight track. It's the big Moment, Dross.  And it belongs to J.W. Hardin. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ EUROPEAN ALLIANCE COLLIDES: Lord Byron vs. Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: Another big moment will occur when the European Alliance Collides this Saturday Night at Ring Wars Four.  Former partners Lord Byron and Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven could hardly be further apart as they hook it up for the very first time. SR: You ain't kiddin' about that.  This is a classic story of one man keeping another man down for far too long... and no, I ain't talking about Icehawk and Tragedy.  Let's look at the facts, since Verhoven dropped that 270 pounds of dead British weight, he's gone straight back to the top of the ranks -- he's beat Watkins, Macbeth and Requiem, and last week ripped through that four way dance.  The Butcher is back, baby dolls... and he is a bad, bad man. TD: Lord Byron has been called far worse than that -- he ran roughshod over the IIWF maybe like no man ever has just a few short months ago -- garnering the longest title reign in the history of the Intercontinental belt.  But, the IIWF has a real short memory -- and with his loss to Creed in that historic "Loser Leaves Town" match, Lord Byron's day as the finest wrestler in the world ended prematurely. And now... now, with a long lay-off followed by the brutal attack by Verhoeven upon the person of Lady DeWinter -- you have to wonder which Lord Byron we will see at Ring Wars IV. SR: The one who takes after Maggie Paris, Dross.  A couple of swats and he's be on his back.  See, Byron used to be ruthless, cold, calculating... he wasn't like some steriod filled beast with a red glove running around screaming "Will you be my Daddy?  Please?  Please?  Tie my shoes... take me to ballgames... smack my bottom when I'm naughty." Byron was ice, baby dolls.  But this is personal with him and Otto -- and you add that together with the long lay-off... it's liable to make him careless.  And... and if you get careless against The Butcher... Welcome to the Slaughterhouse, your Has-Beenship. Welcome to the Slaughterhouse. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Chris Quigley [c] vs. Duncan Macbeth ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: The Intercontinental belt which was long the property of Lord Byron is the subject of this very heated match betwen Chris Quigley and Duncan Macbeth. The "Quickstrike" has been a proud defender of the belt, defeating Watkins, Creed, Annis and Derek Mota.  He has certainly earned his stripes as a member of the IIWF pantheon.  Duncan Macbeth, well, maybe no man has had to go through the sorts of obstacles to get to Ring Wars IV that has the Scotsman.  The Battle Royal.  The Shower Room Showdown. Even a very narrow defeat at the hands of J.W. Hardin.  Leading to this past Saturday Night when Macbeth appeared to break down at that four corners match.  You have to wonder the sort of condition which he'll be in when he meets Chris Quigley this Saturday Night. SR: And then there's the cripple, Dross.  You know... the guy in the wheelchair has taken the role of "constant companion" of Chris Quigley that used to belong to another man... a man who I interviewed just this week. TD: What? SR: Roll the tape. [Soft lighting and an instrumental version of Madonna's "Secret" surround the videotape showing a brown sweater wearing Steve "Soundbite" Roberts.  He is seated on a long sofa in a living room which could have come from "Better Homes and Gardens."] SR: Hello, friends.  I'm Stephen Roberts and welcome to my new segment "Lifestyles -- His, Hers, Yours and Ours" which is debuting on this very special "Inside the IIWF". My guest tonight is a man who once stood on top of the professional sports entertainment mountain.  His roguish good looks and buoyant spirit captivated young and old alike as he achieved unprecedented success in the IIWF. But then... at the height of his career.  Tragedy struck -- this young, promising man contracted a very rare blood, brain, nose and throat disease that rendered him... well, rendered him plastic. Ladies and gentlemen... Troy. [Cut to a shot of the long since forgotten blow up doll.  "Troy" is dressed in a short, white cotton robe, with a blue stocking cap over "his" plastic head... the area representing his mouth still smeared red and opened wide as it was in his last IIWF appearance at Birthday Bash.] SR: Troy -- you and Chris Quigley dominated the IIWF like few couples... I mean teams... ever have.   You really did have it all.  What happened? [Cut to Troy... obviously not moving or speaking.] SR: That is so very, very sad.   When you walked in that fateful night -- and saw your... partner... Chris Quigley cuddled with that two litre bottle of orange soda -- whispering -- that he was a dirty, dirty "Quickstrike" and needed some sweet orange goodness... [The videotape then goes fuzzy... and the shot goes back to the field.] TD: Terrible.  You are not a nice man, Steve Roberts. SR: What the hell happened, Dross?  We were almost at the point where Troy shows me the photos of the Manning family dungeon... it ain't just wrestling that those little boys do down there, baby dolls. TD: Some day, one of these athletes is just going to snap, Steve Roberts.  I hate to be there when it happens.  SR: Aw, do the big, stwong men of the IIWF get mad at the Ole' Soundbite?  I am so... so scared.  Oooooooh. TD: Steve -- SR: Oooooooh. TD: Can we move... SR: Ooooooh... Oooooh... Oooooooh.  Chrissie might put me in a resthold.  Boy Requiem might knock me down on his way out the door.  I couldn't be more scared, Dross.  Oooooohhhh. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ BRAGGING RIGHTS CAGE MATCH: Prophets of Rage vs. Damage Inc. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: A match that will have the 100,000 packed in this building ooohing and aaahing will be the big Bragging Rights Match between the Prophets of Rage and Damage Inc.  This is a rivalry that has spanned years and numerous promotions before each team made it to the pinnacle here in the IIWF.  A rivalry between two teams who have legitimate claims to the moniker of "Best Tag Team" in the World.  SR: You know I'm a L'il Rager, Dross.  Bow-wow-wow Yippee Yo, Yippee Yay Sound-bite is definitely in the hou-use.  But Ramos and Porteaux are a machine.  They're absolutely at the top of their games -- and the Prophets just haven't shown that old level of crispness since Dirt Dog replaced Shadoe.  The Rages might be the best tag team of the year, Dross -- but at Ring Wars IV -- they might be the second best in the ring. TD: And surrounding that ring will be an enormous steel cage -- a "cell" if you will -- that will extend all the way to the floor... going beyond the steel steps darn near to the announce table. SR: We aren't getting in that cage, are we, Dross? TD: No, we are not. SR: Then I want to see blood, Dross.  A real juice fest.  Between this and the barbed wire -- they better bring the Red Cross to Ring Wars IV, Dross -- 'cause we're looking at more bladin' than at an Ice Capades show. TD: Ice Capades? SR: Hell yeah, you ever seen when Dorothy Hammill does a triple toe loop into a crimson mask.  That is good, good stuff. TD: It is Ring Wars IV, folks... you can not... you can not and you will not miss even a second of the action!  ------------------------------------------------------------------------ BARBED WIRE ELIMINATION MATCH: Creed vs. Serge Annis vs. Subway Psycho ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: A little less than thirty years ago, some folks in the old World Wrestling Council invented the barbed wire match -- a match where two or three horizontal strips of barbed wire were run in between the ringropes.  Since then... the theme has been varied. SR: Double hell barbed wire baseball bat thumbtack swimming pool death match, Dross!  Wooooo!  I love this game! TD: Indeed, independent promotions, particularly in Japan, have taken the "garbage match" to a new level -- and that type of barbarism comes to the IIWF this Saturday Night when Creed, the Subway Psycho and Serge Annis meet inside the barbed wire. SR: What is it with the Japanese, Dross?  Too much raw fish?  Stock market too high?  Collective Colonel Paul Tibbetts flashbacks?  Fire one... Fire two... They're the violentest people on earth -- a whole nation of Itchies and Scratchies... it's like human cockfighting.  I love 'em!  God bless them damn Japanese!  They make better cars... they make better televisions... and they make better wrestling! The only thing we do better over here is hardcore pornography... and they're catchin' up! J-A-P-A-N... J-A-P-A-N... J-A-P-A-N! TD: It will indeed be a brutal matchup, not only does it pit men in the Subway Psycho and Serge Annis who fashion themselves as "hardcore" -- but a man in Creed who is making his final IIWF appearance -- and in his home state of California.  SR: Another punk who's leaving the Double Eye with his tail tucked between his legs.  We won't miss you, moron.  Enjoy the minor leagues... maybe you'll find your daddy down there.  If DNA means anything... he'll be the syphylitic janitor with one pupil bigger than the other.  TD: That aside -- Creed has been shown to be as single-mindedly tough as any competitor in IIWF history... and I have a feeling that this Barbed Wire Match at Ring Wars has the potential... given all the circumstances -- to be the single most violent, borderline evil match in the history of the IIWF. SR: Life is good, wild and sweet. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS MATCH: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. Ronnie Paris ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: A match that most likely won't have a comparable body count, but certainly will be no less heated than the Barbed Wire Match will be when Billy Shakespeare goes two out of three falls with that tough Texan, Ronnie Paris. SR: Here's the culmination of a real live fued, Dross.  Shakespeare was Spur... Paris was jobbing to Luke Steele.  Now, like six years later... they finally hook it up and Paris is a pretty cool guy.  Sure, he still ain't no Mota... but at least when you see him in the locker room you don't duck into the whirlpool so he won't get any of that "Paris Losing Stench" on you. TD: No one ever did that, Steve Roberts. SR: Hell, even Morton did that.  And he wouldn't know stench from shinola.  But Ronnie's realized he doesn't need the morons... and he's better off.  Now -- Shakespeare's even more interesting, since he'll be coming out of retirement for this one.  TD: Billy Shakespeare isn't retired. SR: I heard he gained 100 pounds and cut off all his hair.  Heard he's been living on a compound in Wyoming writing manifestos about the trilateral commission and how they own everything except for the Texas clover leaf.  It's a sad, sad sight Dross.  I bet he comes to the ring with an ice cream cone and a carton full of smokes.  Off to never, never land. TD: Billy Shakespeare defeated Ike Sampson Saturday Night. SR: It'll be good to see him, though.  Sort of like when your retarded uncle gets out of jail and the entire family goes out to meet him. "Hey, Uncle Earl, I kept your collection of Mr. Pib bottles and Swank magazine.  How's your glass eye?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Cold Quins [c] vs. Harle-Spell ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: What a strange, strange trip it has been for the Harlequins and Cold Spell.  Long time rivals -- turned partners -- turned champions -- and apparently turned rivals again.  Tragedy and Icehawk made for an effective, albeit unorthodox, tag team -- but now, with Chaos and Tragedy apparently refusing to fight each other... what will happen in this tag title match is anybody's guess. SR: Can I take a guess?  Please?  Please? TD: Icehawk and Fitzgerald have actually shown a good deal of interest in this match... sort of a brotherly "who's best?" idea.  But the Harlequins are bound and determined not to go through with the match... with tag gold on the line -- no one has any idea, just five days away, what sort of match this is gonna be. SR: Oooh!  Oooh!  Mr. Kotter!  Mr. Kotter!  Ooh! TD: Yes, Mr. Roberts. SR: Okay... it'll be real hot for about five minutes... excitement, fun... maybe a little romance -- it's the feel good match of the summer! "Better than 'Cats'," says Jim Wiceda of WLNK radio!  A thrillogy... A Pajama Jammy Jam... Like Citizen Kane except with breasts! Then... everyone will realize it's a tag match.  And they'll hit the paella stand. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Requiem vs. Blind Guardian ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: Another big match features the former Champion of the World, Requiem, against a man about whom we know really very little, the Blind Guardian. SR: You know, this is a real easy match to call here.  On one side we have a ninety year old man whose biggest win in the history of his career has been a screwjob over Ned Norton.  He hasn't shown an ounce of ring skill.  I can't imagine that the Blind Guardian will be around the IIWF too far beyond Ring Wars IV.  On the other hand -- we have Requiem, former Champion of the World. Hell, Dross -- it's a squash.  The Guardian punks him out inside of two minutes. TD: That's not necessarily an unbiased opinion, Steve Roberts.  Requiem is a monstrously talented individual -- and although he has already served as World's Champion, I have to believe we have only seen the beginning of this young man's fine career.  I too, however, wonder about the Guardian.  Who is he?  What does he want?  Why does he continue to torment Requiem? SR: God, do you really think about things like that?  You know -- that's exactly why I don't invite you to the Beaver Trap anymore, Dross. I could be in the middle of a full contact European friction dance with Kandii Kane... her sweet little pelvis bumping and grinding... and all of the sudden there you are, muching on a chili dog and asking, "How do you think Requiem will counter the floating armbar?"  Christ, Dross... you've got to get a life, buddy.  There's a reason why Penelope Ann wound up with your brother Hoss. TD: It is sure to be an interesting contest... and not least because of information that came to light only late on Saturday night, after that big match between Brody Thunder and Requiem resulted in a chaotic brawl which the combined efforts of Disneyland and IIWF security failed to contain. After the show went off the air on Saturday night, the Blind Guardian and Requiem continued to brawl away from the edifice constructed to host the telecast -- and ended up fighting near the tracks of one of the many roller coaster rides in the park. Details are sketchy, but apparently Requiem was knocked onto the track and hit by the front carriage of the ride as it came to a halt. Thankfully, the impact was not sufficient to cause injury to any of the passengers, but unfortunately, Requiem was not so fortunate. He was hit squarely in the ribs by the carriage, and the Blind Guardian went on to exacerbate that damage by continuing to brutally attack Requiem, who appeared to have difficulty breathing, until paramedics, alerted by the ride operator, arrived on the scene and took Requiem to hospital. He suffered four broken ribs, one of which punctured his left lung. The former World Champion underwent surgery late on Saturday night, and is now said to be in a comfortable condition -- he is due to be discharged from hospital tonight, but his doctors have made it clear that if he competes this Saturday night, it will be strictly against doctors' orders. SR: Aw, you've gone all serious on me, Dross. Lighten up, buddy. It's not like anybody important got hurt. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Derek Mota [c] vs. Timothy N. Turner ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: The first of our three title matches this Saturday Night will be the Cruiserweight Championship match when Derek Mota takes on the most unlikely winner of the Cruiserweight Contenders Tournament... Timothy N. Turner. SR: Weird, wild stuff, Dross.  The crazy, little Canadian bastard is holding the belt strong and proud... but then there's Timmy -- Jet Pack Timmy, the Rocket Man himself... flipping and flopping all over the place.  I don't know what to make of this guy, Dross.  All he does is win matches... he's the Chris Carter of the IIWF.  TD: Tim Turner has indeed had a run of remarkable luck, he and his jet pack moving from a quick elimination in the cruiserweight contenders tournament and the possibility of spending a night in Leavenworth - to a victory over Ronnie Paris and now has a good deal of momentum going into this match.  It's quite a feat. SR: And that's really what can turn a guy's career around, Dross.  So many guys think they can just put in their required time and they're gonna win a belt.  Maybe in some other places, Dross -- but this is the Double Eye -- and it's all about competition around here.  You gotta set yourself apart... you gotta show you want it just a little bit more -- you gotta be your own dog, Dross.  And that's the key to eternal salvation, my bald headed brother... AlChroPhosNi... in the immortal words of David Lee Roth, "I'm your ice cream man - stop me when I'm passing by.  My my.  I'm your ice cream man.  Stop me when I'm passing by.  I say all of my flavors are guaranteed to satsify." TD: Derek Mota won't give up that hard earned gold of his without a struggle, however.  This is a man who has come up the hard way -- and I'd have to bet he will give Timmy Turner all that he wants come Ring Wars IV. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SUBMISSION SHOWDOWN: Tony Starks vs. Ike Sampson ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SR: Hey, Dross... who's the black mat technic? Who's a sex machine with all the chicks? TD: Starks? SR: You damn right.  He's a bad mother... TD: Shut your mouth. SR: I'm just talking about Starks. TD: Many people in the IIWF have been talking about Starks, Tony Starks has become one of the most ruthless individuals ever to step foot in the IIWF -- and his feud with Ike Sampson has featured some of the most brutal action of the year. SR: I told you that Black Pack/European Alliance program would come to no good.  Why bring up all those old issues?  And then when Byron spraypainted Creed's locker room.... TD: That did not happen. SR: Maybe not, but Starks, Sampson, Creed and Watkins used to be allies... what happened?  Watkins -- gone.  Creed -- going.  Starks and Sampson are about to kill each other and you already know how Otto has embarrassed Byron... speaking of that, Dross -- you know how they say "to the victor go the spoils"? TD: Sure. SR: Well, I don't know anyone named Victor -- so I think the Soundbite oughta get a hunk out of the loser's gear.  From Byron... obviously I get DeWinter.  Hey, wanna hear my haiku? [Roberts stands -- Snow White rising along with him -- the Soundbite making a sweeping gesture.] SR: Lady DeWinter Especially from the back.     Get me some of that. TD: Ike Sampson is a young man obviously coming into his own... the question is will he be able to withstand the pressure -- in a submission match -- against a tough, battle tested veteran like Tony Starks?  SR: Starks doesn't like Ike     But he do like DeWinter.     Get him some of that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ GENESIS EXPLODES: Highwayman & Richard "Moxy" Blue vs. Scott Rogers & Dakota Bundy ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SR: Hey, Dross.  'Member the good old days in the summer of '97?  Mike Tyson was biting guys... the stock market was still up... a little movie called "Men In Black" was number one at the box office and the world of wrestling was ruled by a little group known as Culture Club. It is so... so sad, Dross.  These once proud warriors diminished to needing the young cruisers just to make the card at all.  I... well, I'm gonna need a moment to compose myself. [Roberts begins weeping uncontrollably... then tearing at his robe and yelling, "Stella!"... "Stella!"] TD: Scott Rogers and the Highwayman indeed have found their friendship explode into rivalry... and they have taken the newcomers Bundy and Blue along for the ride.  Moxy's involvement in this foursome is perhaps a little cloudy -- but there is not doubt about Dakota Bundy -- he and Rogers actually formed quite a partnership last Saturday Night -- and defeating them will be a tough task for Smith and Blue. SR: I can't smile without Genesis, Dross.  I can't laugh and I can't sing.  Here's all I'm suggesting, folks... if ever there were a match that screamed out for a double pin... with both the walking steroid and the wrestling economist getting pinned -- it's this one.  I'd love to see the cruisers unite here, Dross... just kick the hell out of Culture Club. Then maybe Blue and Bundy could hop into the barbed wire later on in the night... I love to see the little guys bleed.  I'm good like that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Marty Warnett vs. "The Brat" Bradley Reed ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: And the big show kicks off with another red hot contest -- the Party Maniac Marty Warnett meets a man who has been dogging him for several weeks, a man who we now know as Bradley Reed. SR: This guy has a little bit of style, Dross.  The whole Stetson swerve... the big ass bodyguard... what the hell's his name?  Stoned? I don't know... I don't know much at all about this match... which is okay since it's at the top of the card -- and I won't be paying attention. TD: Well, Bradley Reed apparently harbors quite a grudge against Warnett -- and is looking to exact some type of revenge. Meanwhile... the aforementioned Stetson apparently will be looking to take out Reed -- and has bought a ticket to the big show. SR: Stoned.  Heh, Heh.  I said Stoned. TD: Twelve matches, Steve Roberts... Twelve big matches... SR: But wait... there's more! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [FREE FOR ALL:] FOUR WAY DANCE: Kevin Christiansen vs. Alex Rio vs. Dexter St. Croix vs. Luke Steele [FREE FOR ALL:] MIXED TAG MASSACRE: Licensed for Devastation & Natural Predators vs. The Down Boys & The Machines ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: Two matches will kick off all the action with the big Ring Wars IV Free For All.  We'll see that wild card four way dance... SR: Hey, Dross... Luke Steele doesn't like to dance.  Awwwww.  Know what I just love?  Guys whinin' about what match they're in.  It's my favorite thing... maybe next to guys whining about what place their match is on the card... or guys whining about who they are fighting... or guys whining because they don't win... or guys whining because they don't win big enough... or guys whining because I said they looked fat in their trunks... Hey... hey... GET OVER IT!!  Be a man, for Chrissakes. Damn, Dross.  It's Ring Wars IV! ....Cowboy v. Cowboy ...the European Alliance explodes ....Quigley/Macbeth.... ....historic tag rivalry... ...barbed wire.... .....Shakes meets Paris.... ....Cold Quins.... .....Requiem v. Grandpa.... ......Cruiser Title... ....Black on black.... ....Culture Club.... .....Marty and Stoned....I said Stoned..... ....Free For All Featuring Luke Steele and the Luke Steele Dancers! It'll be fun, Dross.  I'm bringing me some booze and probably one of these cartoon babes.  Maybe I'll even fall and slip in the tub afterward! Wooooooo! TD: Can't beat that, folks. It all starts with four of the best tag teams in the world... and it ends some four hours later with maybe the matchup of the year... Brody Thunder vs. J.W. Hardin! It is Ring Wars IV.  It is November 8.  And it is only... only available on Pay-Per-View! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... [Dross and Roberts are now loaded up on the elevated platform.  The JJS has returned and The Smooth leads the way, sitting atop Traveler as they point the direction back to the top of the tunnel.  The horse begins to bow a bit under the weight of the 500lbs Mexican.] TD: That's it, eveybody.  What more could you want?  You know what you'll get with the IIWF.  You know what you'll get with Ring Wars IV... it is the standard... the standard by which the entire industry is measured. There is nothing like the IIWF.  And there is nothing... nothing like Ring Wars IV! SR: In other words... Buy the Damn Show, Bitches! TD: Tune in on Friday when the overworked Larry Morton will "Countdown" to Ring Wars IV and then... well, if you don't know by now one more time ain't gonna help you... Saturday, November 8.  Pay-Per-View.. Ring Wars IV! For my tag team colleague, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, and all of us here at "Inside the IIWF"... I am Tim Dross and we will see you on Saturday! [Roberts cracks an imaginary whip as the JJS begins to carry the platform fromthe field.  Randy Newman's "I Love LA" plays as the shot focuses in on the 40 foot Diamondvision Scoreboard above the Coliseum which flashes the familiar words:]           SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8                           IIWF                  RING WARS IV [The shot cuts to the sun, just beginning to disappear under the horizon as the shot and the music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+