[Open on grainy black and white footage of former IIWF wrestlers Flare, Bodybag Kinder, Armed Forces, Hakiro Matsuoko, Dan Kauffman, the White Phoenix, J.W. Hardin, the Syndicate and Marty Warnett.  Tim Dross then is heard via voice over:] TD: You thought you knew the IIWF. On Saturday Night... you found out you didn't know anything. ["I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones kicks in over an explosion of color as highlights from IIWF Saturday Night burst across the screen...Moxy Blue destroying Tim Turner's jetpack...the Fabulous Ones drawing jeers from the crowd...Ronnie Paris holding up handmade signs from the aisle...Luke Steele hitting a floating DDT...Billy Shakespeare nailing the Final Act, the crowd chanting his name as his arm is raised...shots of new IIWF superstars Scheffield, Destructo, Williams, Stonebreaker... Steve Kowalski, Brody Thunder and Chris Quigley all brawling.... And as the shot and the music fades, the Meatman, waving a leg of lamb above his head, the fans hysterically chanting "Meat! Meat! Meat! Meat!":] . ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross & "Soundbite" Steve Roberts Tuesday 2 December 1997 ................................................... [Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" plays as the shot opens on the Arm Bar in the Pearl District of downtown Portland, Oregon.  IIWF fans of all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds and walks of life are enrapt with attention at the raised platform in front of the center bar, a platform on which stands a six foot tall cardboard cut out of "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley... alongside an almost smug looking IIWF commentator Tim Dross.] TD: Hello everybody and welcome to the nerve center of professional wrestling... the Arm Bar in Portland, Oregon! [Cheers from the patrons, a group of seated stockbrokers beginning a chant of "Recite, Soundbite! Recite!"] TD: This is your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews - highlights and sidelights - cheers and jeers.  A look back at the week that was and then up ahead at what will be here in the finest professional wrestling organization in the world today... [The fans join Dross in the remainder of the familiar line...] "THE _MIGHTY_ I-I-W-F!" TD: I am your host, Tim Dross and this is "Inside the IIWF" -- and along with me, as always, is my co-host, the hardest working man in the rasslin' business, the two and a half Grapple Award Winning Steve "Soundbite" Steve Roberts! [Van Halen's "Running With The Devil" kicks in as the fans go wild for their favorite Soundbite, Roberts emerging on the platform without his customary flourish, his beard continuing to grow unabated.  The Soundbite sits on his stool and unzips his leather jacket to show a t-shirt reading simply, "...and the horse you rode in on."] TD: Steve Roberts, welcome. SR: All right, cut the crap, Dross.  We've gotta get one thing straight right here and now for free at the top of the show... I did not lose that bet on Saturday Night... I ain't putting on no Quigley t-shirt... I ain't readin' no poem to that one dimensional punk... much less a cardboard cut-out of him.  I wouldn't read a poem to Chris Quigley with your momma's mouth, Dross -- and you can make bank on that, brother. [The fans roar with laughter -- and the "Recite, Soundbite! Recite!" cheer goes up again.] TD: Well, Steve Roberts, you know I hate to contradict you on our worldwide broadcast tonight... but we did indeed make a wager last week on "Inside the IIWF" regarding the cruiserweight match last Saturday Night -- and, indeed, a total of _five_ cruisers did attempt to capture the jet pack and move on to face Tim Turner on December 13.  SR: Number one, Musashi was supposed to be retired -- so he doesn't count.  Two, Chickenhawk's a tag -- so he doesn't count.  Three, Blue wasn't there at the opening bell and he's just a damn freak, so he doesn't count. Four, four... what about Casey Goddamn C?!  You can't tell me I didn't get set up, Dross.  I went into this bet in good faith -- and you and the IIWF screwed me like a Phillips head.  I ain't even gonna make the "Get Phil the hell out of me" joke.  That's how upset I am at this betrayal.  I'm wounded, Dross.  I tell you I am slain.  Slain!  Slain! TD: Would you like to read the poem now -- or at the end of the show? SR: Blow me. TD: Was that Keats?  Or Yeats?  I always get them confused. SR: Longfellow, Dross.  And you and your buddies in the front office can hang and swing, Dross.  I thought we were friends. TD: Okay folks, hang on for the end of the show when Steve "Soundbite" Roberts will recite a poem to the lifesize cardboard replica of "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley, the IIWF Intercontinental Champion.  SR: I'm going back on vacation. TD: But first we will take a look at what went down at the IIWF Coliseum on Saturday Night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 29 November ....................................................................... 1. Chris Quigley/Tim Turner d. Brody Thunder 2. Billy Shakespeare wins survival match 3. IIWF Tag Team Championship:     Cold Spell d. Harlequins 4. Luke Steele d. Annis/Verhoeven/Highwayman 5. Newcomers d. Returnees 6. Ring Wars Losers d. Winners 7. Damage Inc. d. Down Boys/HPD/Machines 8. Richard "Moxy" Blue wins cruiserweight challenge TD: If there would be one word to categorize the happenings at the IIWF Coliseum it would be "unpredictable". SR: And sad.  So very, very sad. TD: Who could have predicted that we would see dramatic victories by Billy Shakespeare -- who now will go on to meet Brody Thunder for the IIWF Heavyweight Championship -- and Luke Steele, who stunningly won that Tornado Match with a remarkable new finishing maneuver, a floating DDT, which may or may not have a moniker at this point. SR: I got nothing to say about Steele, Dross... except that even a blind pig finds a squirrel once in a while.  As for Blitzsphere, no one's more surprised that he came back to the IIWF than me, last I heard he was doing a one man tribute to Tommy Tune at a dinner theater in Nutley, New Jersey.  Jazz hands, Blitzsphere.  Jazz hands. TD: We also saw the Newcomers to the IIWF garner a shocking win over the Returnees, with the Meatman actually getting a pinfall over Steve Kowalski. SR: "Meat..Meat...Meat...Meat!"  I don't know anything about him... I don't know where he comes from or what he wants.  But already he is my new bestest friend, Dross.  You think the Meatguy would cheat me out of a bet?  You think the Meatguy would make me read some stinking poem... TD: It's actually a very good poem. SR: ...to that damn Quigley?  Hell, no.  Meatguy would bring me a hunk of summer sausage and a squeeze bottle of spicy mustard and let me watch the damn football game in peace!  Jesus, you let me down, Dross.  Who took you to the Beaver Trap?  Who brings you pulp free orange juice when you're sick?  Who drove you halfway across Ohio to buy fudge for some girl who never even went to see the Allman Brothers Band? TD: The victory of the newcomers was in no small part aided by the Heavyweight Champion, Brody Thunder, who has definitely stepped on up to the challenge presented by Steve Kowalski.  This one all dates back, as do so many things, to that triple cross, folks.  Brody Thunder swerved a man with whom he had a definite alliance -- and now the Fury has returned to the IIWF with only one goal -- taking his revenge out of Brody Thunder's hide. SR: Well, they're the boys, Dross.  I mean, we have talked about this before, you want to talk about the elite... the very best wrestlers in the world -- and you absolutely have two of, say, the top five in Thunder and Kowalski.  Everyone knows I ain't the biggest Thunder fan -- but he's been a helluva champion, beaten everybody who stepped in his way -- and I'd be willing to bet that when these guys finally get in the ring... it's going to be a war. TD: With the big end of the year awards coming up over the next few weeks -- I'd assume there would be a number of people interested in who, in your estimation, are the top five wrestlers in the world today, Steve Roberts. SR: Dross, there are people who are interested in everything the Soundbite says or does.  When I puke, there are a half dozen guys standing by with notepads and protractors trying to work out a mathematical theorem to calculate the angle of my spew.  I'm a very powerful man, Dross -- and don't you ever forget it. TD: Brody Thunder has indeed solidified the Heavyweight Title belt... and the IIWF tag team belts, long a subject of turmoil, are once again aound the waists of Icehawk and Edmund Fitzgerald, Cold Spell. SR: Short termers, Dross.  Short termers.  Not that anyone cares -- I've been telling people to drop the tags long before that punk down South started making noises.  But I have to say that Damage Inc. is gonna roll on through Chickenhawk and his buddy... again, not that anyone cares. TD: Well, I believe there will be more than a few people looking on with interest when DI takes on Cold Spell this Saturday Night with the tag gold on the line -- but before we get to Saturday, we have a little program called "Wednesday War Room" that's set to take place tomorrow night.  Here's your _First Look_ at all the action! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Wednesday War Room: 3 December 1997 ....................................................................... ----------------------------------------- Meatman vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton Fabulous Ones vs. The Rotundos Rick Williams vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom ----------------------------------------- TD: The War Room returns this week with a few brand new faces gracing the IIWF stage.  We will see the War Room debuts of Rick Williams, the Fabulous Ones and... The Meatman. SR: Are you seriously going to make me read that poem? TD: It is always so exciting to watch the IIWF newcomers, Steve Roberts.  It brings to mind great rookie classes of IIWF past -- Macbeth, Mota and Sampson... Creed, Watkins and Unique... men who began on the same day as do these men this week on the War Room.  The Meatman clearly has the potential to be a wildly popular fan favorite -- as demonstrated by his appearance on Saturday Night.  [The fans burst into the chant of "Meat!...Meat!...Meat!...Meat!"] TD: We also met the Fabulous Ones -- and folks, these two young men appear to have everything it takes to rise to the top of the tag ranks in the IIWF very quickly.  Also, "Too Excess" Rick Williams -- this guy looks like the real deal, we know that he has been champion in an independent promotion... we know that he gave the World Champion, Brody Thunder, all he could want a couple of months ago -- and now he is here... with the attitude along with the in-ring skill.  You have got to be impressed with these young superstars, Steve Roberts. SR: I'd be impressed if you weren't actually a ball-free puppet of the Administration, _buddy_. Let me ask you a question, Dross... what would happen if I didn't read this damn poem?  What would happen if I took off my headset and walked off this set right now?  Where would your little show be then, _buddy_? --------------------------------- Duncan Macbeth vs. El Super Gecko --------------------------------- TD: We'll also see the Scotsman, Duncan Macbeth -- now this man clearly continues to feel that he was ripped off at Ring Wars IV, and apparently there is a degree of fan support for his position.  I have a feeling we will continue to see this... groundswell... of support for young Macbeth as he attempts to gain a rematch with Chris Quigley. SR: Damn you and your bet, Dross.  Are you telling me that it wasn't set up?  Casey C?  Casey C?!  We're going to say that guy counts? That's damn ridiculous, Dross.  TD: Actually, the Jobber Justice Squad has earned an odd amount of notoriety over the last couple of months, their t-shirt sales are creepily high... there's even a Philadelphia based promotion which has decided to use a starkly similar idea... the bottom line here being that the JJS will now apparently gain more Saturday Night time... there have been rumors of minimum appearance requirements -- I would suggest that Casey C's appearance may not be the last of its kind. SR: You're a damn, dirty liar. -------------------------------------------------------------------- "The Brat" Bradley Reed vs. "One Man Army" Dakota Bundy vs. Alex Rio -------------------------------------------------------------------- TD: Still newcomers, really, to the IIWF are these three men -- and this is a match which might set the tone for the careers of each of them.  Bradley Reed is coming off a great win over Marty Warnett -- apparently ending the career of the "Party Maniac" -- but the IIWF is very much a "what have you done for me lately" organization, and we'll see what he has for us as we march to Snow Brawl.  For Dakota Bundy and Alex Rio -- the story might be about survival.  Bundy has completely vanished since that double cross by Rogers at Ring Wars... and we aren't even sure if he will make it to War Room... and, frankly, I don't think anyone in the IIWF has the first clue what to make of Alex Rio. SR: You know, this sort of crap has been going on a long time, Dross. The suits come to me and say "Soundbite, save our Saturday show... think of some funny, wild, crazy things to say"... "Soundbite, save our Tuesday show... maybe do a little shooting... it'll be fun".  But do I get an ounce of credit?  Hell, no.  I do the biscuit crap, I put up with those moron Soundbiters -- I wear the funny t-shirts -- and I become the hottest damn thing in this business, Dross -- and what thanks do I get? You and the suits try to humiliate me by having me recite a damn poem to that piece of Quigley, Quigley. I am sick, Dross.  Sick!  Sick!  Sick! ------------------------------- Prophets of Rage vs. Harlequins LFD vs. Natural Predators ------------------------------- TD: Big tag team contests on the War Room this week, the New Prophets will take on the Reunited Harlequins, in a match which might well be an indicator as to the IIWF futures of both teams... and then two teams desperately trying to get to the top of the ranks, LFD and the Natural Predators, will meet.  This should be a very hotly contested encounter given what went down at Ring Wars IV when the Predators turned on their partners, Chaos and Starr, cuffing them to the ringropes and laying a brutal beating in front of 90,000 strong. SR: You know how many times I've defended you over the last couple of months, Dross?  You want me to go down the list of guys who have walked out because of you?  Hey, wait... let me guess... you'd like Creed to be your co-host, is that it?  "You want Creed?"  Hell, no, we don't Dross! Hell, no!  You and VP Satan can kiss my taut and tawny ass Dross!  I know you're always taking secret digs at me in all these shows... you think I can't read between the lines?  I know that every time you say, "1... 2... NO!", what you're really saying is "1... 2... I'm way smarter than Steve Roberts!"  Who the hell do you think you are, you imp?! [The crowd at the bar now begins to grow uneasy. Roberts has leapt from his stool and tosses away his jacket... Roberts is frothing at the mouth... foaming... Roberts is clearly hot... the veins in his neck sticking out as he rants against the forces which have conspired against him.] --------------------------------------- Tony Starks vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele --------------------------------------- TD: Big main event on the War Room -- Tony Starks has apparently broken ranks with the Age of the Rage, given the words he and Shadoe had last week -- and is out to show he is indeed the toughest man anywhere in the world of wrestling -- even getting in your face, Steve Roberts. SR: I'm sorry, Tony, did I offend you?  Tell you what, _blood_, I don't have little "feuds" with midcarders... so work your way up to the middle of the card -- and then I can turn you down. Morons.  Damn ungrateful morons.  TD: Luke Steele is a young man who has put in so much effort over the last couple of months... you can see the effect his time in the gym has had just looking at his physique -- with this new floating DDT finishing maneuver of his, you have to wonder to what heights this man will reach. SR: I wonder how you can live with yourself, Dross.  Setting me up like that.  You know something... I ain't reading no damn poem... [Roberts removes his earpiece, throwing it in Dross' face.] SR: I ain't wearing no damn t-shirt... [Roberts grabs the "Quickstrike Island t-shirt that is on the broadcast table... tearing it in half and tossing it in Dross' face.] SR: And I ain't doing this goddamn show any more! [Roberts looks around, finds the six foot cut-out Chris Quigley and spits into its face, Roberts turning back around and yelling at Dross:] SR: We ain't partners... we ain't brothers... and we ain't friends, Dross -- I Quit! [Roberts hops off the platform to shocked silence from the fans, grabbing his leather jacket and storming off the set.] TD: Okay, folks... we'll take a moment and try to regroup... in the meantime -- let's take our _First Look_ at all the action that will go down this Saturday Night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 6 December 1997 ....................................................................... 1. IIWF Intercontinental Championship Match:    "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley [c] vs. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski 2. Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. Mark Destructo    with special guest commentator Lord Byron 3. IIWF World Tag Team Championship Match:    Cold Spell [c] vs. Damage Inc. 4. Triple Threat Match:    Ronnie Paris vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Christopher Stonebreaker 5. Subway Psycho vs. "To Excess" Rick Williams 6. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "The Brat" Bradley Reed 7. The Machines vs. Natural Predators 8. Triple Threat Match:    Derek Mota vs. Richard "Moxy" Blue vs. Charles Scheffield TD: Okay... I think we're all right here -- let's just take a... what?... okay... folks... We're going to run a tape now... it's a tape of a conversation that Steve Roberts recently had with the legendary Lord Byron -- and then we'll come back and take a look at the Saturday card. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| SPECIAL INTERVIEW: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Lord Byron ....................................................................... [The scene opens in a long, quiet hospital corridor.  "Soundbite" Steve Roberts walks around the corner, sporting a flash new leather jacket and a big smirk.  He pauses for a second to look at the camera, before walking on down the corridor, humming a tune cheerfully... He stops at a series of doorways, reaches into his pocket taking out a slip of paper, and begins to check the room numbers...  A nurse steps around the far corner, stopping dead when she sees the intruders, before walking quickly down towards them...] NS: Hey!  Just what do you think you're doing in here! [Roberts smirks, and looks up over the top of his shades...] SR: You talking to me, baby dolls? NS: This is a private ward!  You're not supposed to be in here! [Steve gives the cameraman a long suffering glance, and reaches into his pocket again, this time producing a roll of notes.  The nurses face flushes bright red, and she glares at him.  Roberts simply shrugs, and starts to count out the notes..] NS: Out.  Now. SR: [still counting]  Just five minute, sweets.  That's all we want. NS: Not a chance.  Take your friend and get out, before I call security... [Roberts sighs, and thumbs out a considerable number of notes.  The nurse stares at them for a second...] NS: Sir... I... SR: [pressing the notes into her hand] Just take the money, hon.  Five minutes, we're out of here. NS: Five minutes. SR: That's all I want. NS: Well... I...  [the nurse points to the camera] Is that running? SR: Yup. NS: You will cut this bit out, won't you? SR: No problem, baby dolls.  [To the cameraman]  Let's roll. [As the Nurse hurries away, Roberts resumes his checking of the door numbers, humming to himself again... and then backpedaling and turning to the door on his right...] SR: This looks like the one... [He pushes the door open, and the pair step inside.  The camera pans around the small private room, taking in the panoramic view of New Orleans outside the window, the bowl of fruit and bouquet of flowers on the chest of drawers, and sitting in front of the bed, the hunched for of Lord Byron.  He is pays no attention to the newcomers, his hands remaining closed around that of his ward, his gaze fixed on the floor. For the Lady Rebecca DeWinter is lying in the bed, a thick bandage covering her head, a horse collar supporting her neck.  What can be seen of her face  is covered in ugly red welts and bruises.  A drip machine stands on the opposite side of the bed, and the oxygen mask over her face fogs slightly as she breathes.  But other than the movement of her chest underneath the covers, and the occasional flutter of an eyelid. she lays almost completely still. As the camera takes the scene in, Byron slowly straightens up in his chair, raising his head but not looking around as he realises that the two people who have just entered the room shouldn't be there.  He looks down again slightly, and takes a deep breath...] LB: [slowly]  I thought that I had requested no visitors... I made my instructions perfectly clear... SR: [shrugging] You know these nurses, B.  Ain't paid enough by a long shot, if you take my meaning... LB: Steve Roberts.  [Byron's shoulders slump] You bribed the nurse on duty to let you in? SR: [grinning] That's not all I bribed her for.  But what the hell -- it ain't like I ain't got the money... [Roberts grins, and starts humming again as he walks across to the chesty of drawers, taking an apple and biting into it with a loud crunch.  Byron's body tenses... then relaxes again, and he shakes his head.] SR: Gotta say you didn't exactly ingratiate yourself to everyone last Saturday, B.  Janois in particular wasn't too happy.  He stuck his neck on the line to get you back under contract here, so what's he going to do when you don't turn up?  Still... [Roberts grins, taking another loud bite from the apple.] SR: ...I find it kinda touching. [Byron sighs, and raises his head again.] LB: Mr. Roberts... SR: Yup, ol' pal? LB: Mr. Roberts, if you have any respect for me at all... if you have any respect for Milady at all... please, would you just leave us alone? Would you please go? [Roberts pauses for a second, then shrugs, and slaps Byron on the shoulder.] SR: Your call, buddy.  I just thought you might have something you wanted to share with us.  Guess I was wrong.  Still -- it ain't no problem. LB: [under his breath] Thank you. SR: Like I said, no problem, pal.  If you want anything sent down, you know, match programmes, biscuits, maybe some tickets back to England -- just give me a call, you hear? [Steve slaps Byron on the shoulder again, and turns to leave.  Just as he reaches the door, he pauses and backpedals, turning back to Byron, the grin fixed firmly back on his face...] SR: Hell -- I almost forgot what I wanted to say.  Remember that little reinstatement contract you signed, B? [Byron says nothing, staring ahead at the wall] SR: Well, I was doing a little bit of research, and it seems that as well as that little rematch clause which I doubt you'll be wanting, it seems that that little baby was a fixed term contract.  You know what that means, B? [Byron stays silent, looking down at the motionless form of DeWinter] SR: Tell you what bud, I'll enlighten ya.  It means that you've got to wrestle, buddy.  Sooner or later, you're going to have to step back in the ring.  In fact... I'm sure the bookers'll have you lined up back in action ASAP now you've been passed fit.  After all, you are the award winning superstar, bud.  Demographics.  Ratings.  Don'tcha just love it? [Roberts takes another bite out of the apple, and tosses it into the bin next to the door.] SR: So, I guess I'll be seeing you around, buddy. [Roberts smirks]  Ciao. [Steve starts humming again as he walks out of the door, straight into the white coated forms of two doctors, who both jump in surprise] DR: What the...?  What the hell are you doing here? [Roberts straightens the doctors tie with a grin] SR: Leaving.  Come on, Chuck, we got what we wanted... [The doctors watch astonished as Roberts slowly starts to stroll down the corridor, once again starting to hum cheerfully.  The scene slowly fades out.] ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 6 December 1997 ....................................................................... [There is a loud crash at the back of the bar, Steve Roberts is seen ripping at a number of the lights that are set up in the area... Roberts taking a monitor and tossing it through a window... the Arm Bar bouncers get in the Soundbite's face... Roberts is seen taking a swing at a much larger man before he disappears from view -- the shrieks and shouts from the back signifying that something out of the ordinary has occurred.] TD: Folks... we're going to go now... it's a big show on Saturday with both the Intercontinental and the tag team championships on the line... we'll see a couple of triangle matches -- and those will be "one fall to a finish matches"... Destructo vs. Otto... Psycho vs. Williams... tune into "Countdown"... [Roberts' voice is heard..] SR: YOU WANT A POEM?!  YOU WANT A POEM?!  "O POINTY BIRDS, O POINTY POINTY, ANNOINT..." [Roberts then spits in the face of a patron wearing a "Quickstrike Island" shirt... and now a full scale brawl is on... members of the Lil' Soundbiter Special Forces are diving atop fans... the sounds of broken tables, chairs and glass are heard as is the voice of Tim Dross, clearly not realizing he can be overheard:] TD: Somebody get that goddamn maniac off my show!  I'm a damn professional -- this shit has got to stop. [Dross rips away his earpiece as the brawl continues... the shot going fuzzy... then fading to black.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+