[Enya's "Exile" plays over black and white clips while Tim Dross reads the accompanying voice over:] TD: Last week -- you were surprised.... [Cut to shots of Billy Shakespeare hitting the Final Act on Duncan Macbeth and Luke Steele with the Floating DDT on the Highwayman...then to the Meatman standing above a fallen Steve Kowalski....] TD: This week -- you were shocked... [Shots of Damage Inc. winning the IIWF tag titles...Marty Warnett turning on Billy Shakespeare...and then Majestic Maurice McArthur pinning Chris Quigley, being handed the IIWF Intercontinental Championship belt and then raising his hands to the air in the "Triple M" signal as the shot fades to black.] TD: What, do you suppose, will happen next week? . ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross Tuesday 9 December 1997 ................................................... ["Mouth" by Bush plays as the shot opens inside the Arm Bar in the historic Pearl district of downtown Portland.  IIWF memorabilia lines the walls of the only professional wrestling themed sports bar west of the Mississippi.  Fans of all shapes, sizes, creeds and demographics stand, cheering and chanting the name of their favorite Federation as the shot zooms in on veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross who is seated alone on the raised platform.] TD: Hello and Welcome to "Inside the IIWF"!! [Big roar from the patrons.] TD: Welcome to the Arm Bar in Portland, Oregon! [Another huge response from the fans.] TD: Welcome to your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews - highlights and sidelights - cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and up ahead at what will be here in the HOTTEST professional wrestling organization in the world today... The _mighty_ [The fans all join in now as Dross finishes the sentence:] "I-I-W-F!!!!!" TD: And folks, what a show we have for you today -- we'll go to our regular Re-Wind segment in a second but we have got to say, right at the top of the show, that IIWF Executives were in constant meeting all day Sunday and then most of yesterday and it has been conclusively determined that Majestic Maurice McArthur is _NOT_ the IIWF Intercontinental Champion! That belt still belongs -- still belongs to Chris Quigley. [Mixed loud reaction from the patrons, some of who let out whoops for Quigley; others begin booing the apparent injustice, and a third group begins chanting "No Jobber Justice, No Jobber Peace!"] TD: There were innumerable irregularities in this matchup, folks, from Steve Kowalski being laid out by Brody Thunder to Steve Manning's apparent inadvertant attack on Quigley... the bottom line being that Chris Quigley was defeated by Maurice McArthur -- however, he did not agree in writing to defend his title against anyone but Steve Kowalski -- meaning that although the decision will stand -- that match was, in fact, a NON-TITLE contest! [There's a disturbance in the back of the bar, a familiar voice yelling "Get the [BLEEP] out of me!"  Into view comes Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, his beard now alarmingly full and his eyes wild as he grabs a chair and sits next to Dross.  Roberts is wearing an "...and Jobber Justice For ALL!" t-shirt which is about a half dozen sizes oversized as he grabs a headset.] TD: Steve Roberts, were we expecting you? SR: Monster say: "Rooooooaaarrrrrr," Dross... did I hear that right?  Did you and the suits find a way to screw my buddy McArthur out of the strap? TD: The number of inaccuracies in that statement are overhwelming, Steve Roberts... how exactly is Maurice McArthur your friend? SR: We're all brothers in our hatred of Quigley and the IIWF suits, Dross.  Me and the JJS have a bond forged in the crucible of our mutual holy war.  And you know what, Dross... when I take those guys to the Beaver Trap -- they don't ask what's on the menu, if you know what I'm saying.  They've got an all you can eat clam buffet and my boys are ready to go a-diggin'! TD: I never know what you're saying, Steve Roberts.  Except that you've never said two words to any member of the Jobber Justice Squad.  SR: I got two words for you, Dross. TD: Lets take a look back at all that went down on Saturday Night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 6 December ....................................................................... - NON-TITLE: Majestic Maurice McArthur d. Chris Quigley - "The Brat" Bradley Reed d. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare - IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: Damage Inc. d. Cold Spell - "Enigma" Takezo Musashi d. Christopher Stonebreaker & Ronnie Paris - Subway Psycho draw "To Excess" Rick Williams - Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven d. Mark Destructo - Natural Predators d. Machines - Richard "Moxy" Blue d. Mota & Scheffield TD: It was quite a night from the IIWF Coliseum and you missed a good portion of it, Steve Roberts.  In fact, last Tuesday I was under the impression that "we weren't partners, we weren't brothers and we weren't friends." Why exactly have you decided to come back to work, Steve Roberts? SR: Honor.  Justice.  A desire to do what's good, right and noble.  An upholding of my broadcaster's credo to bring all the news to the people fresh, fast, hot and in thirty minutes or this program is free Dross.  TD: Couldn't get out of your contract, eh? SR: Not a chance, Dross.  Your buddies in the front office are tighter than a nun during Lent. TD: Good grief.  Are we going to add blasphemy to your catalogue of sins? SR: Get over it, Dross, you know I hate everybody.  I hate Catholics.  I hate Buddhists. And you damn sure know I hate those Episcoplians. Greedy little bastards.  Almost as bad as penguins.  Damn gluttons. TD: The world is still abuzz with what went down at the IIWF Coliseum Saturday Night, Majestic Maurice McArthur beating Chris Quigley... although he was only announced as Champion by you, Steve Roberts, adding to the confusion. SR: Here's what I saw, Maurice McArthur pinned Chris Quigley.  Period. End of story.  And you and your buddies can do your best to cover it up... but it happened.  The world saw it! TD: What the world saw was Steve Manning accidentally, we assume, plastering his long time friend Chris Quigley with a framed photograph -- leading to a very questionable pinfall by Maurice McArthur.  I have not always been the biggest of Chris Quigley supporters -- but he did indeed get "screwed" as people are wont to say, on Saturday Night. SR: The only people screwed are the fans, the Jobber Justice Squad and me Dross... you better believe that Steve Roberts is tired of coming out on the short end of the stick around here -- and maybe it's time I do something about it! TD: A man who took matters into his own hands is Marty Warnett -- this was the first of our truly shocking turns of events on Saturday Night -- Marty Warnett has turned his back on longtime ally Billy Shakespeare to side with Bradley Reed!  Amazing! SR: You could see this one coming, Dross -- and I'd have to say I admire it.  Warnett, I don't like you, I don't like the way you wrestle and I don't like the way you look -- but damn if I don't admire a man who would double cross a friend of his like that.  Hell, Dross... you oughta like a double crosser like Warnett after that poem stunt you pulled.  You're either down with the thing or you ain't... and I get the feeling that Warnett just joined the good guys.  TD: We'll hear from Marty Warnett on Saturday Night, where hopefully he will clarify what exactly his future is with the IIWF and this group that apparently includes Reed, the massive bodyguard Stone and our own Steve Summer. SR: Summer looked good, Dross.  Good calves, high cheekbones.  I mean, my sexual preferences are a matter of public knowledge... TD: Underaged Japanese cartoon girls? SR: ...but if the lighting was bad and I was blitzed out of my mind on wild turkey -- I might try to cop a feel on young Summer, Dross.  Sorta reminds me of mom. TD: Good grief. SR: Oh, not my mom.  Your mom, Dross. TD: We also have NEW tag team champions in Damage Inc. -- despite attempted interference from Shadoe Rage, Porteaux and Ramos have captured tag gold... then, without a hint of provocation the rumors have been running all week that Damage Inc is "dead".  I don't have any idea what that means, if DI has left the IIWF or if indeed there has been some type of tragedy... we know that Damage Inc is scheduled to speak on Saturday Night -- and again, we will all find out then, I suppose. SR: No surprise about ChickenHawk and his buddy dropping the straps -- and I happen to know that Damage Inc. is dead, along with half the guys in the promotion -- it's all they're talking about on the internet, Dross.  One dead guy after another.  There's a guy from Alabama who has died half a dozen times in the last three years. TD: I didn't know you were such a fan of the internet wrestling supporters. SR: Not.  Geeks.  Morons.  Losers who can't make it on the outside world.  The only thing worse than a wrestling fan is a wrestling fan with a keyboard and a modem. TD: Big win for Takezo Musashi on Saturday Night -- what is particularly noteworthy about the Enigma, Steve Roberts, is his seeming split personality -- he can go from a very smart, calculated tactician to a crazy, daredevil in a matter of a heartbeat... a characterisitc that frustrated young Stonebreaker on Saturday. SR: Well, the Chinese guy... TD: Japanese. SR: ...has to worry about Ronnie Paris.  Here's another guy who has benefitted from his change in attitude, Dross.   He'll fit in great with the Soundbite Special Forces. TD: Soundbite Special Forces? SR: I'm starting a stable.  Didn't you hear?  Look... the Syndicate's gone, Genesis is gone, the Age looks like they've broken up... we don't have a stable anymore, Dross.  Whaddya think... Paris, Smooth, MeatGuy, Ashley Judd... it's got possiblities.  Maybe we'll even get Quigley -- you know, to hold the spraypaint, take the bumps, drive the car... make our lunches... he'll be our Randy Savage. TD: I don't think you can say that. SR: I thought retired guys were fair game.  Damn. TD: Rick Williams and the Subway Psycho fought to a blistering draw that was interrupted by Tony Starks and the Cavalier -- and it will be the last interrupting Kevin Christiansen will do for awhile as Tony Starks apparently tracked him down in the locker room and laid an unmerciful beating on him... the Cavalier, along with Dakota Bundy are each injured -- and will be on the shelf indefinitely. SR: No more ugly guy?  Why the hell does every ugly guy in this organization leave on me?  I got plenty of Quasimodo jokes left, Dross. I can't use 'em all for you -- it just ain't sporting. TD: We saw Otto Verhoeven narrowly defeat Mark Destructo -- but the bigger news is what happened after the match when the Deathbringer apparently aligned himself with Lord Byron... and backed the big German down from a post-match confrontation. SR: I gotta say, Dross -- I ain't ever seen the Butcher back away from anything like he did on Saturday... there's been a lot of talk about the Deathbringer maybe being a little long in the cowl... but there is still something about this man who scares people to death.  And the German man maybe felt a little of that, Dross. TD: We may find out more this Saturday Night when we are scheduled to open our broadcast with comments from "The Butcher" himself. In tag action, the Natural Predators finished off an excellent week with a win over the Machines -- due in large measure to the presence of the Fabulous Ones.  And the evening kicked off with Moxy Blue earning some more respect with a win in the triangle match. SR: You want a stable, Dross?  How about Mota, Macbeth and Turner?  Now that Mota and Timmy have kissed and made up -- I wonder if we might be looking at those guys joining together permanently.  Just stay away from the Special Forces, ladies.  MeatGuy and Ronnie Paris got cutlets to shank.  Or shanks to cutlet.  I gotta buy a cookbook. TD: That match was the beginning of a very impressive evening from Scott Rogers, who not only dominated much of that matchup from the outside -- but who worked very well throughout the evening... much of it matched up against Scott Rogers. SR: What color t-shirts should we wear?  Green?  Green's good.  Color of money.  And the Special Forces all about the Benjamins, Dross. Just don't think you and the suits can keep me down.  As a 12 year old at an Arby's in Pennsylvania once told me, "Ain't nothing gonna break my stride.  Ain't nothing gonna slow me down.  Oh no.  I got to keep on moving." TD: You really are annoying, Steve Roberts. SR: And you smell like a baboon, Dross. TD: Let's take our _First Look_ at all that will go down on tomorrow night's "War Room"! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Wednesday War Room: 10 December 1997 ....................................................................... ----------------------------------------------- Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. The Smooth Christopher Stonebreaker vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton Charles Scheffield vs. Jumpin' Jack Mark Destructo vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom ----------------------------------------------- TD: Huge start right at the top of the card on the War Room -- as Steve "The Fury" Kowalski will don the tights to take on, of all people, The Smooth. SR: He's ready.  The big man is ready to go -- he's a wrecking machine, he's Mr. Clean, he's a lean, mean jelly bean, Dross.  Everyone knows how I feel about Kowalski -- but watch out, Fury... my man Smooth is comin' to git 'ya! TD: Really? SR: Absolutely!  Everyone... [The fans begin a rousing chant of "Let's... Getttttt... Smoooooooth!!"] TD: We'll also see the newcomers, Stonebreaker, Scheffield and Destructo.  We have an excellent crop of rookies here in the IIWF, Steve Roberts.  And eventually, they will succeed -- although, what I don't believe they have learned yet is that here in the IIWF, it takes more than work -- it takes a certain degree of... shall we say... SR: Creativity. TD: Yes, Scheffield is a very hard working young technician -- and Stonebreaker has great potential as an all around wrestling star... not to mention Destructo, who comes to the IIWF with a large reputation earned elsewhere -- and there's no reason each of them can't carve out a degree of success but... SR: But ain't no one gonna do it for you, rookies.  What do you think, that the suits are gonna get off their lazy cocaine addled asses to think of some way to use you?  Hell, no.  They're too busy in the "Building Formerly Known As the IIWF Tower" making phoney phone calls and trying to decide which one is their favorite Spice Girl. TD: Do you have a favorite Spice Girl, Steve Roberts? SR: Icehawk. ------------------------------------------ Down Boys vs. Fabulous Ones Natural Predators vs. High Plains Drifters ------------------------------------------ TD: Tag team action on the War Room, the Predators look to continue their hot streak with a victory over the veteran Drifters, while the Down Boys, who frankly seem personally affected by this Marty Warnett incident, take on the newcomers, the Fabulous Ones. SR: Good looking gay team in the Fabulous Ones, Dross.  You know -- a lot of people think that my "tough guy/gay guy" theory about tag team wrestling... And, by the way, for all of the bush league promotions out there who are ripping me off -- don't think I ain't hearing about it... you bitches want to rip off Dross... fine.  But don't go messing with the money, baby dolls.  Don't go messing with poppy and the paper. Anyway... a lot of those "politically correct" types like to start screaming that I'm... homosexist... when I talk about the gay tag teams -- nothing could be further from the truth.  I have exactly the same feeeling about tough guy tags as I do about gay guy tags as I do about tough/guy gay guy tags... they'd all be just fine... If they'd learn to wrestle alone. TD: Well, that would sort of defeat... SR: Damn political correctness... now, I remember a time where you could smack a broad on the ass and tell her to make you up a mess of eggs and mo'dem biscuits - and she'd laugh and you'd give her a little squeeze -- maybe slip her a twenty and the two of you would slip into the Lincoln Bedroom for some "emancipation"... TD: Tell me you aren't talking about Chelsea Clinton again. SR: Chelsea?  Cook?  Hah?  She's 18, Dross... why would you want to waste a prime 18 year old on cooking?  Now, her mother on the other hand.... -------------------------------- Steve Manning vs. El Super Gecko -------------------------------- TD: Two men who will be very much in the picture on Saturday will move squarely into the forefront on Wednesday Night when Steve Manning makes his IIWF debut against El Super Gecko. SR: ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! TD: Pardon? SR: How much more of this DonkeyQuigley are we gonna take, Dross?  This guy ain't a wrestler... he's a towel boy.  You know, "Towel, boy!". What, do everyone's friends get wrestling contracts now?  Serge Annis' grandma?  Bradley Reed's proctologist?  Brody Thunder's baby boy? TD: Congratulations to the Champ and to Mrs. Thunder, we hear that momma and baby are doing well.  SR: It's just damn ridiculous, Dross.  So Manning is gonna be in Quigley's corner on Saturday... and Gecko is gonna represent the JJS... you know what?  You know what, Quigley?  I'm gonna be at the War Room on Wednesday to take care of my boy Smooth -- I might just make an appearance at Manning's match and show him what the Soundbite legend is all about! [Cut to a shot of a younger Steve Roberts, competing against a much larger opponent and ducking between the ropes... Roberts walking along the apron... refusing to return to the ring... Roberts waggling his finger to the referee and his opponent as he continues his trek along the perimeter of the ring.] SR: What the hell was that?! TD: I believe it was referred to as the "Soundbite Stall". SR: Dammit, Dross... you set me up!  You set me up!  You think you can make me look bad?!  Nobody makes Steve Roberts look bad! [Roberts rips off his headset... flinging it at Dross and then begins to leave the platform... pausing only to stop at the lifesize cut-out of Chris Quigley which has remained siutated in its previous spot... Roberts spits in Quigley's face... and then again leaves the set.] ----------------------------------------------- Derek Mota & "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner vs. Scott "the Fop" Rogers & Richard "Moxy" Blue ----------------------------------------------- [Dross shakes his head... many of the patrons at the bar not altogether pleased with him.] TD: Our main event on Wednesday pits Mota and Turner against Blue and Rogers... we all know the friction between Rogers and Mota has been longstanding... and Mota and Blue have apparently had their altercations in other places -- but the story here is Blue and Turner... they are set to meet on Saturday with the Cruiserweight Championship being on the line -- and there are some folks who believe that the reign of the "Rocketman" is going to be short lived. Folks, it's Wednesday.  It's the War Room -- and it's coming your way tomorrow night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 13 December 1997 ....................................................................... 1. IIWF Intercontinental Championship Match: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. "Majestic" Maurice McArthur [with Steve Manning and El Super Gecko in their corners] 2. IIWF World Heavyweight Championship Match: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare 3. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. Serge Annis 4. Lord Byron vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele 5. IIWF Cruiserweight Championship Match: "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner vs. Richard "Moxy" Blue 6. Ike Sampson & "To Excess" Rick Williams vs. Subway Psycho & Tony Starks 7. The Machines vs. The Harlequins 8. Deathbringer vs. Highwayman [Another highlight package is shown, this time in slow motion... Roberts, against a variety of opponents, employing the dreaded "Soundbite Stall"... ducking his body through the ropes... walking on the apron... walking outside the ring... frustrating all variety of opponents. Soundbite, in purple trunks with gold stars and occasionally with the word "HUMP" embrodered on his backside, several times bursts into tears, confusing his opponent and drawing enormous heel heat from various crowds.] TD: Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, ladies and gentlemen. [Many patrons "boo" Dross -- one of them holding up a sign which reads, "Why, Tim? Why?"... although a large number of people begin chanting "Stall, Soundbite! Stall!"] TD: Big card, all three singles titles will be on the line this week from the IIWF Coliseum.  We have, of course, that rematch for the Intercontinental Championship between Chris Quigley and Maurice McArthur -- oh what controversy this thing has generated, people, faxes have been pouring into the executive offices all day long... I've got to say that this is a rematch people will be very curious to see. And you know it's a big IIWF Saturday Night when the World's Championship is on the line... and it's not the Main Event.  But it's a big'un nonetheless, folks.  Brody Thunder takes on the man who defeated him cleanly at Ring Wars III, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare -- what a huge opportunity for Thunder to square this debt -- and you have to wonder how Shakespeare is mentally... we know that physically he's in terrible shape... but how he'll be mentally after that devastating turn of events involving Marty Warnett on Saturday Night. Of course, the Cruiserweight Championship is also on the line, folks -- it is the first big title defense for the "Rocketman" Tim Turner and he'll be taking on Moxy Blue... and you know where Blue goes, Scott Rogers is certain to follow. And you'd think that would be enough.  But folks... folks, this is a huge... I mean a HUGE IIWF Saturday Night. Steve "The Fury" Kowalski takes on Serge Annis... two rougher, tougher men may never have laced up boots... they fought like wolverines last Saturday Night -- and you can bet the Fury will be looking for some payback this week.  Incidentally... to avoid outside interference, we understand that Brody Thunder and Steve Kowalski will be _barred_ fron ringside during each other's matches! What about two men going in completely opposite directions?  What about Lord Byron, a man who seemingly is directionless -- against one of the hottest wrestlers in this sport -- a man in Luke Steele who, with incredible dedication and a red hot finishing maneuver, an as of yet Nameless DDT... [Dross pauses a moment, mouthing the words, nameless DDT, then takes out a grey folder from undeneath the table....removing a legal pad on which are printed the words "Steele Finishing Maneuver" followed by several dozen entries such as the "Read Deal DDT....the Tomahawk Drop...the Steele Curtain and...Are We Going To Chicago?" and then writes in "Nameless DDT".] ...has risen up the ranks, and you have to say that it would be no upset at this point to see Luke Steele walk away from that match victorious. We also have the awesome force of the Deathbringer battling the troubled Highwayman... we have a mixed tag with Ike Sampson and Rick Williams taking on the Subway Psycho and Tony Starks.   And of course, in tag team action the Machines will battle the Harlequins! Folks... it is two plus hours of more wrestling excitement, thrills, chills and spills than you will find anywhere else in the world.  And I give you my personal guarantee -- if you think the IIWF is out of surprises... you may be in for the shock of your lives... and it may just happen this Saturday Night!! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Countdown to Saturday Night ....................................................................... TD:  Well, that's all the time... [Big fan reaction as Steve Roberts emerges once more, grabbing a standing mic and waving a videotape in Dross' face.] SR: You want to play dirty, Dross?  You want to get in the mire with the dirtiest Soundbite in the game?  Okay... next week... we're gonna take another trip down memory lane... next week, right here on this show... we're gonna take a look at some beginnings that make humble seem downright braggadocious.  We're gonna take a look at YOU, Dross!  Right here, next week! [Roberts tosses down the mic, taking a second to spit again in the face of the cardboard Quigley, and then exits the shot.  Dross looks noticeably nervous as the camera focuses on him.] TD: Okay, everybody... um... tune in, you know... to the War Room.  And then on Friday we all enjoy "Countdown to Saturday Night". I'm Tim Dross -- and... and on Saturday... the big show, the big two hours of wrestling with Steve Roberts and myself. And we'll be back next week... good bye, everyone! [Prince's "Dance, Music, Sex, Romance" plays as Dross, now sweating like a southern sheriff, quickly moves from the podium on clear search of Steve Roberts.  The shot and the music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+