[Black.  The date "December 9, 1997" flashes across the screen, followed by the last week's "Inside the IIWF" voiceover of Tim Dross:] TD: What, do you suppose, will happen next week? [Patsy Cline's "Crazy" plays over quick highlights from "IIWF Saturday Night"... Ronnie Paris attacking Takezo Musashi... Rick Williams defeating both Subway Psycho and Tony Starks... Derek Mota's ankle destroyed by Steve Manning... The Lost Boyz powerbombing Larry Morton... Luke Steele hitting his Floating DDT and defeating Lord Byron... Steve Kowalski Skullpumping Serge Annis over the broadcast table, then hitting the World Champion Brody Thunder with golf clubs across a trash can... El Super Gecko hitting a bulldog to the timekeeper's table... El Super Gecko with the "Asspump" on Quigley... El Super Gecko with the Bullet Train to Hell on Manning... El Super Gecko revealing himself to be Joe Petrow, the crowd exploding in a chant of "Pe-trow...Pe-trow...Pe-trow!" as the shot goes to black, then the voiceover by Dross:] TD: What, do you suppose, will happen this week? . ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross Tuesday 16 December 1997 ................................................... [Pat Benatar's "Promises In The Dark" plays as the shot opens on the Arm Bar in the historic Pearl District of Portland, Oregon.  IIWF fans of all discernable demographics cheer wildly as the shot zooms in on the raised platform and the seated Tim Dross, who sits alone with a look of a certain degree of satisfaction as the music fades.] TD: Welcome everybody to "Inside the IIWF"!! [Cheers from the fans, many of them beginning a chant of "Show_the_tape! Show_the_tape!"] TD: Greetings from the Arm Bar in the wrestling capital of the world, Portland, Oregon! [Gratuitous hometown pop!] TD: Welcome to your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews... highlights and sidelights, cheers and jeers... a look back at the week that was and up ahead at what will be here in the HOTTEST professional wrestling organization in the world today... [The fans join Dross in his customary closing words:] "The _MIGHTY_ IIWF!" TD: I am your host Tim Dross, and folks, do not ever say that the IIWF does not deliver.  We promsed you almost one month ago that the upcoming weeks in the IIWF were going to be among the most exciting, the most vibrant, the most... unpredictible... in the history of professional wrestling... And on Saturday Night, when El Super Gecko revealed himself not to be El Super Gecko at all -- but in fact was "Sychosys" Joe Petrow... the wrestling world was stood on its collective ear. Folks, we all know that in 1997, perhaps no man made as much impact in this sport than Joe Petrow, when you talk about some of the most memorable matches in the history of this organization... the common denominator is Petrow. And now... it appears that he is back! [Van Halen's "Running With the Devil" begins, followed closely by the breathy words, "Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot!"... and a loud pop as walking to the platform is Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, his beard continuing to thicken every week. Roberts reaches the set, holding his jacket open to reveal a t-shirt with a picture of The Lost Boyz, formerly Damage Inc, and the words: "Tag Team Wrestling: Morons, Jobbers and Gay Guys -- Oh, My!"] TD: Steve Roberts, Welcome. SR: Can it, Dross.  The tape is cued up and ready to roll.  Let's finish up talking about Chrissie's worst nightmare and get right to it. TD: There are a number of IIWF'ers who must have had a couple of sleepless nights after the reappearance of Joe Petrow in the IIWF. There are nothing but unanswered questions involving "Sychosys"... why did he return? -- what does he want? -- and, maybe most importantly -- will he stay?  SR: I'll answer a question for you right now, Dross -- he's here for the Intercontinental belt... he's here to smack that punk Quigley six ways to Sunday and take that damn strap for the Sycopaths. TD: Joe Petrow did indeed thrust himself in the path of the Intercontinental Champion Chris Quigley... causing a furious Quigley to make some very pointed comments about Petrow and about the IIWF administration. SR: Quigley doesn't like the suits!  Christ, Dross -- that's like Ronald McDonald spitting out a quarter pounder... without the suits, Quigley would just be another clown. TD: Well, be that as it may, Chris Quigley is clearly frustrated -- and we'll see on Saturday Night exactly what his plans are in the future.  And Chris Quigley is not the only IIWF superstar who was shocked, amazed, and maybe a little bit upset by the return of Joe Petrow... you know, it's very interesting Steve Roberts, Joe Petrow has had, along with some other high profile former IIWF superstars, some very public negative comments about the IIWF in recent weeks -- and there are current IIWF wrestlers who may hold those comments against him... there seems to be some sense, in the backroom, that Petrow, if indeed he is going to return, should do so at the "back of the line". SR: You know who thinks that?  Losers.  The IIWF's got more whiners than Ernest and Julio Gallo, Dross -- you know what the return of Joe Petrow tells us... If you can go -- you can go.  Period.  It doesn't matter to me if Petrow urinated all over the IIWF flag in the middle of the ring... the guy's a damn superstar -- and if he wants a shot at Chris Quigley tomorrow, you damn well know the suits are gonna roll over and say, "Thank you, Mr. Petrow, may I have another?" TD: Well, the IIWF is filled with superstars, and as if we needed any additional evidence, the first of the two big, big end of the year, world-wide interpromotional awards were given out over the weekend... and a full twenty-four current and former IIWF'ers were listed among the Top 200 wrestlers in the world today. "Inside the IIWF" congratulates each and every IIWF'er who received recognition -- and our special congratulations goes out to the "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder, who was awarded "Best Wrestler" honors in a landslide vote.  SR: Look -- I am not gonna hop onto the Brody Thunder bandwagon now, it's too damn crowded anyway -- but if there's one thing I believe it's that the IIWF Champion oughta be considered the best wrestler in the world, Dross.  There ain't no place like the Double Eye, and there ain't no wrestlers like Double Eye wrestlers... hell, Dross... I'll take a team of our gay guys against any beltholders in any two bit, backwater, minor league promotion anywhere in the world... we'll kick their ass -- then I'll hop back in the bus and drive away... 'cause I damn sure ain't spending more time with our gay guys than I need to.  TD: Just leave 'em behind, eh? SR: Just like daddy did with my puppy after he ate his newspaper one morning.  Put him in the car, drove him off somewhere -- and we never saw that puppy again.  And I'm a better man for it. TD: What was your puppy's name, Steve? SR: Stephen.  Steve Roberts, Jr.  Named after my dad. TD: You named your dog Steve Roberts? SR: Did I say puppy?  I meant little brother. Cute little guy... liked to play pinball, liked those C.S. Lewis stories, liked to go bury chicken bones in the yard.  Good times, Dross.  Good times.  Hope he found a good home. TD: How about we take one last look at everything that went down live from the IIWF Coliseum on Saturday Night!  SR: Had a birthmark that looked like Woody Woodpecker, right over his heart.  Daddy used to say Steve Roberts and I were "fairies on the half shell".  Hah!  Good times, Dross.  Good times. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 13 December ....................................................................... - IIWF Intercontinental Championship: Chris Quigley d. Majestic Maurice McArthur - IIWF World Heavyweight Championship: Brody Thunder d. Billy Shakespeare - Steve Kowalski draw Serge Annis - Luke Steele d. Lord Byron - IIWF Cruiserweight Championship: Timothy Turner d. Moxy Blue - Rick Williams/Ike Sampson d. Tony Starks/Subway Psycho - Harlequins d. Machines - Deathbringer d. Highwayman - Tragedy d. Scott "the Whine" Bloom TD: The headline coming out of IIWF Saturday Night was certainly the dramatic, shocking re-appearance of Joe Petrow in the IIWF Coliseum... however, that was not the only big story to be found on IIWF Saturday Night. The World Champion Brody Thunder scored another of his hugely impressive wins, this one over Billy Shakespeare, whose attack of last week by longtime ally Marty Warnett clearly continues to affect him.  SR: Aw, Dross... the Cowboy can have his number one ranking and his little pinfall wins... but everyone in the Coliseum saw the Fury go Lee Trevino upside his head three, four times Saturday Night.  Come December 27, after the Fury beats Annis -- Kowalski's gonna be knocking down eagle after eagle on every dogleg left on Thunder's triplecrossing body.  TD: Brody Thunder and Steve Kowalski are setting the IIWF aflame with the weekly beatings they have administered on each other... the rumors have been running rampant for weeks, and this week... This week we can confirm, that the Main Event at Snow Brawl, January 17 at the Aloha Bowl in Honolulu, Hawaii... will be Brody Thunder vs. Steve Kowalski! [Big, Big reaction from the fans, many of whom begin chanting "Skull-pump! Skull-pump!" as the monitors show the graphic:  SNOW BRAWL: JUDGEMENT NIGHT January 17 - Aloha Bowl:  Honolulu, Hawaii MAIN EVENT: "LONE WOLF" BRODY THUNDER VS. STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI The fans continue to whoop and holler.] TD: That's right, regardless of the status of the World's Championship belt -- Brody Thunder will meet Steve Kowalski at Snow Brawl -- the official contract signing to be held this Saturday Night! SR: See, I always liked a good contract signing... you rarely get the chance to trick one of your dumber opponents into some "unfortunate" stipulations... and gouge his eyes out with a fountain pen all in one shot.  The contract signing... a wrestling staple. TD: Another wrestling staple is the rematch -- and we'll have one of those on Saturday Night. Steve Kowalski and Serge Annis fought -- well, perhaps brutalized each other is more correctly stated -- to a double disqualification last week.  But this week -- this week -- these two warriors will meet in what is certain to a be a barbaric encounter... a No Disqualification match with the winner to move right into a title shot on December 27.  SR: I'm gonna bring some thumbtacks.  TD: You aren't in this matchup, Steve Roberts. SR: Aw, it never hurts to Be Prepared. TD: Old Boy Scout motto? SR: The sign over the private room at the Beaver Trap. TD: Luke Steele continued, continued to perhaps be the story in the IIWF as we move to Snow Brawl -- he defeated the legendary Lord Byron with the red hot Floating DDT on Saturday Night... another big step into the upper echelon for the "Real Deal". SR: And another one in the loss column for His HasBeenShip, Dross.  You gotta wonder what the hell happened to this guy.  Maybe the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time... he gets into some pointless feud with that guy with the red glove... what the hell was his name, Dross? TD: I believe that was... SR: Nobody cares.  The point is that since the one-eyed freak ran Byron out of town, he ain't been a percentage of the guy he used to be... losing to "Why Can't I turn heel?"!  Losing Clean!  I gotta tell you -- the Butcher is gonna do all of us a favor and drive him out of the IIWF before Byron's carrying the spitbucket for my boy Smooth. TD: That would sort of put you out of a job, wouldn't it, Steve Roberts? [The fans begin to "ooooh", many of them starting to chant "[BLEEP] him up Sound-bite, [BLEEP] him up!"] SR: Okay, you get your one free shot, Dross... that's okay.  The sun shines on every dog's ass once in awhile.  Just remember -- I got the tape -- and the tape is ready to roll, Dross.  Forget those "Year In Review" matches... TD: Available on a cable station near you... check local listings for dates and times. SR: This is "Classic" Dross like you wouldn't believe! TD: We can discuss that later -- we also saw Tim Turner keep his Cruiserweight Championship belt with a win over Richard "Moxy" Blue -- and what appears to be the end of the IIWF career of Scott Rogers, who apparently had quite a dispute with Blue following the match.  We wish Scott Rogers well. SR: Always liked that guy. TD: No, you didn't. SR: Six of one -- half a dozen of the other. TD: Also, in that match, Steve Manning, before he found himself on the wrong end of a Joe Petrow bulldog, viciously attacked Derek Mota, apparently breaking his ankle. SR: Oh... this Manning freak don't play around... see, I don't ever want to be accused of liking anything that Quigley does. If he walks in here right now with Linda Evangelista on one arm and Christy Turlington on the other saying "My offering to you, Almighty Mr. Steve", I'd first spit in his ugly face before I took those ladies into the back for a meeting with Mr. Johnson... but you gotta appreciate the wisdom of having a pitbull like Manning do your bidding. TD: I don't believe Chris Quigley controls anything Steve Manning says or does. SR: Yeah, well you thought that Pumpkinhead was played by Burt Reynolds -- so you aren't the best judge of character, Dross. TD: A big, big win for Rick Williams on Saturday Night, following the leave of Ike Sampson -- who we understand will be overseas for the next few weeks -- the man with the peculiar moniker of "To Excess" withstood a tremendous onslaught by Subway Psycho and Tony Starks to grab a pinfall win.  Rick Williams will certainly be a force to be reckoned with, Steve Roberts. SR: And that's a guy I like, Dross.  Between he and the Meatguy -- the Double Eye's gonna be just fine moving into 1998. TD: Deathbringer continued his dominance... defeating the Highwayman, whose sad, sad slide continues. The New Harlequins grabbed a win over the Machines... and Tragedy made his way back to the singles ranks with a win over Scott "the Whine" Bloom. SR: We had a couple of other things on Saturday, Dross. One was pretty good -- one was damn disgraceful.  Ronnie Paris... thumbs up, buddy!  Two big opposable thumbs up for you, Paris... the Soundbite Special Forces are off to quite a start. First, we destroy Korea... TD: Japanese.  The Enigma is Japanese. SR: Then we go after Kentucky!  We're on our way to complete world domination, Dross!  Go ahead and put me on Mt. Rushmore... right next to Jefferson, I always loved that show, "Fish don't fry in the kitchen... Beans don't burn on the grill!" TD: I assume the other event about which you are referring is the "death" of the Tag Team Champions. Damage Inc. is now apparently the Lost Boyz... and they punctuated that change with a powerbomb of our own Larry Morton. SR: See, this is the kind of thing that pisses me off.  First of all, we already have the Down Boys -- they might suck, but we already have them. Now... Now we have the "Lost Boyz"... That's two Boy teams, Dross!  Forget the obvious gay guy references when you have to call yourself Boys just in case you forget what gender you are on a job application... forget the cinematic reference to Jason Patric and Corey Feldman... The real problem is that we have ten teams... and two of them have the same goddamn name!  We're the Canadian Football League all of the sudden! So, Porteaux, Ramos, from now on, I'm gonna call you the Rough Riders... and when I get tired of that -- I'm gonna call you the W & W Express... Damn, Dross... what the hell is it with these tag teams? I sorta liked Damage Inc... now I don't have anyone to root for. TD: There's the Natural Predators... SR: How many damn White Phoenixes are we gonna have around here, Dross?! I could have sworn I saw Matt Bourne hanging around the dressing room with cease and desist orders saying he was the original Phoenix. TD: There's the Machines... SR: I always get those two guys confused. TD: What about LFD? SR: Tasers.  Genius.  There's nothing I like better when I go to a wrestling match than seeing a guy pumped through with electrical current.  And that cool sound effect, "Bzzzzzz", with the lights flickering on and off in the arena... good stuff. TD: There's the Fabulous Ones... SR: I sorta like these guys, Dross.  Sure, they're both gay... but that's all right... you know, gives something for our gay fans to enjoy... ain't that right, gay fans? [The more inebriated section of fans begin to cheer wildly... many even directing a "Show Your Toes!" chant at Dross.] SR: But they have the broad, Dross... and I just don't want to see the women near the ring.  Sure, I like to look at Miki from behind same as anyone else -- "Oh, Miki, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my... well, we know what you blow... Hey, Miki!" -- but keep the dames out of the picture, Dross.  Poor dumb Paul Wong hardly knows what he's doing when Miki's around... I haven't seen anyone so out of sorts since Morton came back from the Chuck Norris Fan Club Convention. TD: We wish Larry well in his recovery from that awful attack at the hands of the Lost Boyz. SR: And the rest of the teams... we got the Nu Prophets and the Nu Quins and Chickenhawk and Fritz... and I think the Drifters are still wrestling or cleaning the bathrooms or something.  Just a whole lot of nothing, Dross... just a whole lot of nothing. TD: I don't think anyone would agree with that assessment, Steve Roberts.  We have some of the best tag team talent in the world right here in the IIWF! SR: And they'd be fine.  If they wrestled alone. TD: Folks, let's take our_First Look_ at all that will go down tomorrow night on the War Room! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Wednesday War Room: 17 December 1997 ....................................................................... ------------------------------------------- Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. The Smooth Tragedy vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton Shadoe Rage vs. Jumpin' Jack Ronnie Paris vs. Barnacle Brother Bluto ------------------------------------------- SR: Almost time to show that tape, Dross TD: I have nothing to hide. SR: That's not what your tailor said. TD: Big show coming up tomorrow night, four IIWF superstars to see singles action at the top of the card.  "The Butcher" Otto Verhoeven will tune up for that big, big Loser Leaves Town Towel Match with a bout against The Smooth. SR: Tune up!  Hey, I loves that wa-wa man as much as anyone... but big Smoothie ain't no walkover... didja see the way he took it to Kowalski last week? TD: The match lasted eight seconds. SR: But they were a _hard_ eight seconds, Dross. TD: Two men in a very similar predicament, former tag team champions now trying to make their ways as singles wrestlers, Shadoe Rage and Harlequin Tragedy, will look to garner some wins... I wonder if that might not be an interesting mix down the line, Steve Roberts... maybe we see Tragedy and Rage go at it at some point. SR: I'd rather see Melody and Medusa go at it. TD: How about Medusa Rage -- the only woman to make the list of the top 200 wrestlers in the world. SR: Gotta make the guys not on the list feel great.  Hey, Paris... just like with Maggie at home... you've been beaten by a chick. TD: I thought you and young Paris were seeing eye to eye these days, particularly with his heinous attack on Takezo Musashi.  In fact, it is Ronnie Paris who will be competing against the much larger Bluto tomorrow night. SR: Aw, me and Ronnie are good, you know, Dross, it's like having a puppy, you get a cute little puppy, sorta stays in the corner, maybe does some tricks... very nice and affectionate and cute. Then one day it grows up and kicks the hell out of some Chinese guy.  I love it! TD: Japanese. SR: Whatever. --------------------------------------- Licensed for Devastation vs. Harlequins The Machines vs. Natural Predators --------------------------------------- TD: Four of those IIWF tag teams will be on display as the War Room returns tomorrow night, the New Harlequins, fresh off their debut win will face a team that "greeted" them as only can -- LFD. SR: LFD might be a little overextended, Dross. I'm all for suckerpunching a guy and making him call you grandma... but you hit three, four, five guys in a row... and eventually you'll be the one baking cookies and knitting sweaters, if you know what I'm saying. TD: The Predators and the Machines try to do this one more time... the Machines seem dogged by Ms. Miki of the Fabulous Ones... last week Paul Wong actually leaving his partner to fend for himself, leading to their loss to the 'Quins.  Meanwhile, the Natural Predators are starting to really turn it on in the IIWF... and this match will be an interesting precursor to the "Strongman Challenge" between Bear and Ramos of the Lost Boyz this Saturday Night. SR: Strongman contest.  Unbelievable. ---------------------------------------------- The Meatman vs. Highwayman "Real Deal" Luke Steele vs. Charles Scheffield ---------------------------------------------- TD: A couple of rookies will meet two IIWF veterans going in completely different directions.  The very popular Jimmy "Meatman" Steele... SR: That doesn't rhyme. TD: Will be back in action -- and he'll take on the clearly troubled Highwayman. SR: Better go back to the deep freeze, Caveman.  The Meatguy is coming to git ya! TD: The red hot Luke Steele will look to apply that Floating DDT against a good looking young rookie, Charles Scheffield. SR: I still got nothing to say about Fluke Steele... oh, God, Dross, Fluke Steele! [The fans begin to roar with laughter... quickly catching on to the beauty of this nickname, the chants of "Use the Force, Fluke!" begin.] SR: But, we'll see about this Scheffield kid... he's greener than Linda Blair's bedroom after lunchtime... but we'll see if he can't teach ol' Fluke a few things tomorrow night. TD: It's the War Room -- and it's coming your way tomorrow night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 20 December 1997 ....................................................................... 1. LOSER LEAVES TOWN TOWEL MATCH: Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. Lord Byron 2. NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: Serge Annis vs. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski [winner gets shot at World Heavyweight Championship on 27 December] 3. TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: Luke Steele vs. Duncan Macbeth vs. "The Brat" Bradley Reed [winner gets shot at Intercontinental Championship on 3 January] 4. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Ronnie Paris 5. Subway Psycho vs. Tony Starks 6. Prophets of Rage vs. Cold Spell 7. STRONGMAN CONTEST: Eddy Ramos of the Lost Boyz vs. Bear of the Natural Predators 8. Christopher Stonebreaker vs. Charles Scheffield SR: Ready? [The fans begin to cheer again "Show_the_tape!...Show_the_tape!"] SR: Are... You... Ready?! [The chant continues: "SHOW_THE_TAPE! SHOW_THE_TAPE!"] SR: Nah.  We wait. TD: Big, big card on Saturday Night as the IIWF's "Era of Unpredictability" continues, Steve Roberts.  And what could be more surprising that having this big main event between Otto Verhoeven and Lord Byron -- a towel match, with the Loser Leaving the IIWF! SR: Byron never came back after the first time he lost this match, Dross.  I don't know what kind of fraud, what kind of joke, what kind of pod person has been masquerading himself as Lord Byron the past couple of months... but this guy who we've seen punished each and every week is more Traci Lords than Lord Byron, just bending over every week to "take another one for the team".   Let me tell you something, Has-Been, you're gonna lose this match, there's no way around that... you are gonna lose this match to Otto Verhoeven and you are gonna get your "Best Technical Wrestler Alive" ass the hell out of the IIWF... but what I want to see... but what I want to see, Has-Been, is for you to put up some kind of fight... some kind of effort. I know that red gloved bitch beat you... and I know the "Butcher" turned his back on you... and I know it's your "time of the month"... but how about you at least go out of here swinging away... go out there with a little pride... Othwerwise, it might as well be DeWinter in the ring and you holding the towel, Byron. At least when she bent over for the Butcher -- we know she'd at least give us a good show. TD: Two big matches will help to determine the direction of the next two weeks here in the IIWF, Steve Roberts.  Serge Annis meets Steve Kowalski in a big No Disqualification match with the winner meeting World Champion Brody Thunder next week... and in a Triangle Elimination Match, Duncan Macbeth, Luke Steele and Bradley Reed will hook up -- with the spoils being an Intercontinental shot vs. Chris Quigley on January 3. SR: Aw, Quigley's just hoping Fluke Steele can keep that push going one more week, there's a big buyrate, huh?  Fluke and Chrissie, maybe in a double hell match?  TD: A feud which, I believe might turn out to be the hottest in the IIWF continues this week, with The Enigma taking on Ronnie Paris. SR: Lt. Paris is ready to go to war, Dross... guns a-blazing and dogs a-barkin'... TD: Dogs? SR: Let's just say that the Soundbite has taken Ronnie under his wing... and I think you are going to see the kind of relentlessness and agressiveness that was the hallmark of my distinguished wrestling career from Paris this Saturday Night. [A shot of Roberts is again shown, he is ducking through the ropes, walking around the apron as he taunts his opponent, the commentators speaking of the "Soundbite Stall."] SR: Aw, that's cute, Dross.  That's cute... that was me against Popeye Kaczynski in the Sportatorium in the early 80's... you cut out just before I hit him with the "Soundbite-Sault". TD: Two IIWF veterans will hook up in a grudge match. This one has been simmering for a long, long time -- the Subway Psycho will take on Tony Starks. SR: Ah, the vets are gonna get it on... oxygen tents available in the lobby along with complimentary AARP cards. Good, good stuff, Dross. TD: And two of the youngsters will meet in what is certain to be a very exciting opening match, Christopher Stonebreaker taking on Charles Scheffield. SR: I don't know who these guys are, Dross... but I like to see the fresh blood. I mean... I really like to see the fresh blood, men.  Understand?  Fresh blood.  You want to get the Soundbite push?  Maybe join Paris and Smooth in the Special Forces?  Let's see some juice, boys.  Poppa Soundbite likes the juice. TD: Tag team action with two of the greatest tag units in the history of the IIWF. This is a real treat, folks: the Prophets of Rage will take on Cold Spell... one_more_time! SR: A couple of months ago, this would be a good midcard match on a run of the mill pay-per-view... and now, we get to see it free.  I think they call that stagflation, Dross.  Any economists out there want to help me out?  Anyone?  Anyone?  How about the Labor Market Participation Rate? Anyone know how the hell we figure that out? [The young, khaki panted man sitting at the bar, who has been silently weeping since Week One suddenly shouts out, "Civilian Labor Force divided by the Relevant Population." and then returns to the weeping.] SR: Well, there you go. TD: Finally we have an oddity, a Strongman Contest which will apparently be some type of weightlifting challenge between Eddy Ramos of the Lost Boyz... and Bear from the Natural Predators. It should be something unlike we are used to in the IIWF -- and it could be a lot of fun. SR: Strongman contest.  Unbelievable. TD: Saturday Night, folks... don't miss a second! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Countdown to Saturday Night ....................................................................... TD: Well, that will do it for another edition of "Inside the IIWF".  I don't believe we have anything else. [Roberts is silent, a broad smile creeping over his face.  Many of the patrons now resuming the chant "Show_the_Tape...Show_the_Tape"] TD: Okay... remember, folks, to tune in to the War Room tomorrow where Larry Morton and Dave Bacon will take you through a recap of all the action.  ["Show_the_tape...Show_the_tape!"] TD: And then on Friday, Larry will return along with Victoria Von Edward and maybe even Tim Turner again to "Countdown to Saturday Night"... ["Show_the_tape....Show_the_tape!"] TD: Finally, on Saturday Night... simply the best two hours of weekly live wrestling anywhere in the world as we bring you IIWF Saturday Night! And, for the kids, be sure to tune in this week, because at the very end of the evening... the IIWF is expecting a _very special_ visitor from the NORTH POLE! ["Show_the_tape...Show_the_tape!"] TD: So... if there's nothing else, I guess we'll... SR: Nope. [Big roar from the patrons, "SHOW_THE_TAPE...SHOW_THE_TAPE!"] TD: Okay, Steve Roberts... you have been holding this over my head all week long, I don't know how many times you've walked into my office this week shouting out, "Didn't Nixon teach you anything, Dross?"  So, fine... If you have some "dirt" on me... go right ahead.  I'm right here. SR: Well, Dross, we all know you've had a long and distinguished career as a broadcaster... but not just as a wrestling broadcaster, oh no, oh no indeed.  You have stood out in venues as distinct as badminton... TD: Some people said badminton was the sport of the 90's, Steve Roberts. SR: All the way to cockfighting... TD: Well, I've been reading just recently that some people are considering starting actual cockfighting organizations. I wouldn't be in favor of it... but I'm not necessarily embarrassed that I did what I had to do to make a buck. SR: That wasn't the kind of cockfighting I was talking about, Dross... hit the lights! [The tape begins to play, it is a grainy Super 8 of the interior of what appears to be a grungy "adult nightclub" and given the garb of the almost entirely male clientele... it seems to be the mid 1970's... On stage are eight to ten barely dressed men, their bodies greased up in oil, each man bumping and grinding against a pole -- or each other -- each man cavorting as the patrons in the crowd offer up dollar bills for the benefit of their "moneymakers". Toward the bottom of the stage steps a very young looking, thin with a receding hairline... and as he begins to speak it is clear it is a twenty some odd year ago version of Tim Dross.] TD: Welcome everyone to "Muff Studdins"! Welcome everyone to the HOTTEST all-male review in Wichita, Kansas! Welcome everyone to Muff-Studdin Saturday Night!! ["Get Down Tonight" by KC and the Sunshine Band plays as the "dancers" begin to thrust their pelvises in a direction toward Dross, encircling him as the patrons of the club begin to advance with dollar bills... beads of sweat evident on Dross' young forehead as the shot suddenly cuts out... Back to the Arm Bar... where the 1997 version of Tim Dross has turned beet red, the chant of "Show_Your_Toes! Show_Your_Toes!" returning as Roberts is unable to supress his glee.] TD: Are you done? SR: You were cute, Dross.  You keep in contact with any of those guys? The Indian?  Anyone? TD: I'm Tim Dross... he's Steve Roberts... we'll see you next week. [Dross slowly shakes his head, smiling almost despite himself as the fans at the Arm Bar continue their laughter.  Ani DeFranco's "31 Flavors" plays as Roberts stands and begins a mock striptease in front of Dross, encouraging the other patrons to follow suit as the music and the shot fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+