________ _______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| |\ /| /\ |\ | | /\ \ / | || | \ v v / | __| | v |/ \| \| __| /__\ \/ |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| | |\ /| |/ |/ \/ | | \/ | |\_// /\ |\ /| | _ | / __ / __ | v | | | / \ . |\ | / \ / \ | | | | \__ | | \| | __ \__ 22 December 1997 | | | | \ | | | \__| \ .....................|..v_____/.|.|..|____|____/ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Brody Thunder barges into the IIWF interview area looking like something out of a bizarre Tim Burton Christmas movie. Clad in a red Santa cap and pants, the shirt having been ripped to shreds moments earlier in a very premeditated attack on Steve "The Fury" Kowalski. Cutched in his fist is a busted up candycane,broken open to reveal the crowbar used in the attack. Thunder is laughing heartily as he begins to pull white wisps of cotton, the remnants of a Santa's beard, from his moustache and face. He stumbles slightly then notices the camera is on. A wicked grin crosses his face, an evil glint in his eyes.] BT: Ho, ho, an' flamin' _ho_. How's the squash, Kowalski? Heh, heh... ptooey! Damned beard! [Thunder spits out another strand of cotton beard.] Just wanted ta thank ya fer yer li'l Christmas presents ya gave me last week, ace. I felt kinda bad that I didn't get you anythin' after all the nice things ya gave me. In case ya fergot, lemme jus' refresh yer memory, son. [Thunder rips off the Santa hat, revealing a sizeable set of sutures on the top of his bald head.] See this bit o' needlepointin'? Yers. See this shiner? Yers again. The Excedrin 500 headache? The welts an' bruises? The mild concussion? All yers, punk... all yers. [Thunder pulls another piece of cotton fiber from his moustachioed cheek.] An' now there's somethin' else that's yers. A night o'painful memories. Seems the spirit o' givin' made its way ta my soul this week, my friend. I jus' couldn't let the evenin' pass without thankin' ya with some gifts o' my own fer ya. I hope ya enjoy 'em, hoss... ya earned 'em. But I got one more present to deliver. Come January 17th in Honolulu, Hawaii... I'm gonna give ya... [The grin returns.] ...an all expense paid trip ta the ICU o' yer choice, big man. Oh, no need ta thank me yet... see... ya still gotta _make_ it there ta collect it an' the smart money says _that_ jus' ain't happ'nin'. Now I'm gettin' tired o' yer... [Suddenly an IIWF official, three piece suit and all, walks into view. As The Wolf sports a look of shocking disbelief at this individual's gall in interrupting his interview, the man hands a piece of paper to Thunder as he speaks.] MAN: Mr Thunder,as a result of your actions here tonight both against IIWF security personnel and Steve Kowalski, you have been issued a fine of fifteen thousand dollars. _That_ is strike one and two. Cease and desist these actions now or further disciplinary actions will be forthcoming. Am I understood? [Thunder chuckles as he snatches the paper from the man's hand. He quickly reads it as the man walks off camera. He begins folding the paper out of view.] Hmph. Like I said, Kowalski... I'm growin' tired o' yer little stunts. We can trade attacks all night long but what we both want is the truth. Which one o' us is the best there is in this sport today. [Thunder continues folding the paper just out of view from the camera.] The IIWF world strap says I'm the best. An' come Snow Brawl not only is the IIWF, them idiot fans an' the rest o' the damn world gonna know I'm the best... ...you will too. Plain an' simple, my friend. [Thunder raises his hand revealing that the paper is now folded into a paper airplane. He lets it fly. It sails off camera.] An' that's what I think about yer flamin' fine, Spreadbury. Kowalski... the day's long an' far from over as my pappy used ta say. S'long road ta Snow Brawl, amigo. Don't turn yer back on the Wolf as ya walk it... [Thunder holds up the bent crowbar and smiles.] ...or ya might not survive the journey. Be seein' ya, ace. [Thunder walks directly into the camera causing the screen to go blank.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Timothy N. Turner walks into the interview area, bundled up in an ash coloured Burburry and a jaunty grey fedora.] TNT: I've just got a few minutes to say something before I head up to my chalet to make sure everything is ready for my Christmas party. I'm overdue as it is but I couldn't let a Monday go by without responding to Brody Thunder's little challenge. So you want a shot at my IIWF Championship, do you Thunder? I'll give you a shot, because that's the kind of guy I am. It seems your dance card is full at the moment with no talents hacks like Petrow and Annis, however. And to think people call me a dodger! Apparently the IIWF couldn't come up with a real challenger to face me on Friday so they gave me a jobber by the name of Icehawk to take care of. It's not because he's a tag wrestler...that's how I got my start as well. No, it's because he is just not in the same league as the Rocket Man. Well, I better get going. I've got a great party to set up. Bye! [Fade.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Epitome of Evil" Serge Annis ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The scene fades into the backstage area of the IIWF Coliseum. A nameless suit can be seen holding a microphone.] NS: Where is Serge? We have to get in his Musing for Monday. [The suit walks around the hallway for a few moments, with the cameraman following closely behind. Soon, Serge is spotted as he is on his way back from his weekly hobbie of being sitched up by the IIWF paramedics backstage. Annis notices the camera and then quickly looks the other direction. The suit approaches Serge and attempts to hand him the mic.] NS: Here ya go Sergey. Time for your Musing. SA: I don't want to do a Musing. NS: What? You can't just _not_ do a Musing! You have to do one. SA: I don't want to. [The suit attempts to pit the mic in Serge's hands, but Annis quickly drops it to the floor in an act of defiance. The suit bends down to pick it up.] NS: Please Serge... some comments on Duncan MacBeth... Brody Thunder... Steve Kowalski? Anything, please! SA: I don't want to talk... go away. NS: Serge, you are contractualy obliged to conduct a Musing after every Saturday Night! You know that! Now, let's get it started. Time's money and well... I want more, so hurry up and film this thing will ya? [Annis spins around to reveal a cut still bloody on his right shoulder and leaves a few trails of blood down to his waist. Annis shoves the suit back, away from him. The suit falls into rear-first into a garbage can. Some laughter is head in the background. Annis looks angry.] SA: I said I didn't want to do a goddam' Musing! I'm too angry to talk! So go away! [Annis resumes walking down the hallway, as the suit tries his best to get up out of the garbage can, with little success as it seems to be stuck on his rump. After a few moments of struggling, the suit looks at the camera.] NS: Well... I think we'll ask him later. Oh what's that? We can use what we filmed? Splendiferic! Let's go get a coffee then, shall we? [The suit's words are music to the camera man's ears who immediately takes off down the hallway, absentmindedly forgetting to turn off the camera.] NS: [in background] Hey! Wait for me! I'm stuck! Help!! [Fade to black.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cold Spell ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [SCENE: The IIWF interview set. Edmund Fitzgerald comes onto the set, still in his wrestling gear. Sweat and a trickle of blood run down his forehead, and he is obviously absolutely furious. For some reason, he is holding a white envelope in his hand.] EF: Icehawk and I came to the damn IIWF because we were told that it was the best _wrestling_ federation in the world. You call _that_ wrestling? This is a damn circus. We were the best tag champions that you ever had, but we were too boring for the suits in the front office ... we didn't use chairs or smash people through tables. So now they've decided to turn the whole damn division into a free-for-all, with 700-pound teams that can use whatever foreign objects their warped little minds can imagine. And now I've got to take my partner, the most exciting wrestler you have in this whole promotion, to the hospital again, this time with a broken nose. Well, no more. I'm not going to sit by and watch him get killed, even if it is good for your precious ratings. [Fitz waves the envelope at the camera.] EF: Here you go. Our official resignation from the IIWF's tag team division. Enjoy your circus. [Fitz tosses the envelope at the lens and storms off. Fade.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Awesome T and... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Awesome T stands in front of the super-generic IIWF backdrop, holding a Dr. Pepper and looking down. Flanking him are the well-endowed Hoochiemama and The Dow...er...Dama...er...Dan Oliver and Adam Peterson. T takes a sip of his Dr. Pepper then sticks it down the front of Hoochiemama's cleveage. He then smirks to the camera] AT: Can you believe it? How could I...a manager very few of you have heard of until I came here a few short months ago...get to manage a tag team with SUCH a great reputation? I'll tell you what it is...it's intellegence. [T looks back at his tag team. Dan Oliver is still flexing like a madman, and procedes to put Hoochiemama's left breast in a headlock. Hoochiemama slaps him, and Dan Oliver returns to flexing and growling.] AT: See, wrestlers don't need to be intellegent in order to be successful. They just need to be good at whatever it is they're good at, and in this case, it's being the best tag team in the world, let alone the IIWF. It does help to have a brillant manager, however, and that's where I come in. So you've got skill, natural god-given ability, and psychology. What more can you ask for? [Dan Oliver, still foaming at the mouth, bursts out in front of the camera] DO: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL THE TOP ROPE POWERBOMB??? SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE, MOTHER(BLEEP)ER! [With that, Dan Oliver grabs a nearby soda can and slams it against his forehead, crushing the can, but knocking him senceless. As the rest of the group caters to the fallen "Mad Dog", Hoochiemama saunters to the camera and puts her ample cleveage in it, with an upside-down Dr. Pepper wrapper being the last thing seen before the camera fades out] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Christopher Stonebreaker ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [The figure recognized as Christopher Stonebreaker stands on the interview stage, his sledgehammer over his shoulder, and a huge smile crosses his face.] CS: Oops. [Suddenly Chris lets out a solid chuckle, and just shakes his head in amusement and as he looks back up at the camera the smile on his face has seemingly grown larger.] CS: It does work. I guess what they say is true. You can get away with murder if you know how. It looks like ol' Ronnie ain't the only one who can play these games around here, is he? You see boys, I said it real well earlier. I'm a patient man. But if there's one thing I hate, it's waiting in line to take care of business. You see, Ronnie, I was hoping it was you up in that squared circle. I wanted to get you out of the way, because right now, you are the man who just happens to be in my path. But it seems that you just don't want to step up in that ring, do you? So I took care of the next best thing. The men you decided to hire to take your lumps for you. [Stonebreaker gets a far off look in his eyes for a second.] I wonder if those boys are reconsidering their retirement plans now. [Chris suddenly goes into a lapse of silence before turning his attention back to the camera.] You see, Ronnie, I have a score to settle with the same man you do. The only difference is, I'm not the one who has this tendency to tuck my tail between my legs and take off. I probably should have just stuck around just to make sure you stayed at ringside. You see, Ronnie, you my friend, are running out of excuses. Sooner or later, you and Musashi are going to have to get in that ring together. Sooner or later, Ronnie. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure it happens soon. Very soon. [Fade] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lt. Ronnie Paris ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [A large, muscled man who is faintly recognizable stands in front of the camera backstage of the IIWF Coliseum. He looks a bit out of place talking to the camera, but still he begins to speak.] Man: Hello. You may recognize me as one of Ronnie... uh, Lt. Paris' security men. I've been ordered to fill in for this Musings show because Lt. Paris, uh, had to catch a cab. [The security guard shifts his feet nosily, a very nervous look crossing his face.] SG: Takezo Mushi-mas... Muhash... you know who you are. I... we... Ronnie Paris is setting his sights straight on you, but for now he'll let you be occupied with that other cardmidder... _mid_carder Chris Stonebreaker. But you, and everyone else, just listen to what we... he has to say on Saturday Night. Yeah. [The guard lets loose a noticeable sigh of relief at having finished his message, and the shots fades away slowly.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Enigma" Takezo Musashi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [SCENE: The camera shows a taxi cab, a metal trash can embedded in its smashed in back window, speeding off out of the IIWF Colissem parking lot and into the distance. Quickly, the shot cuts back to Takezo Musashi, standing in the lot, staring after the cab with a glint of fury in his gaze.] TM: Coward. Is there any man more worthy of scorn than the one who flees from his enemies? A warrior possessed of genuine greatness stands firm with a heart of granite: he seeks conflict and rejoices when his opponent stands before him! To a warrior, an enemy is more worthy than a friend, for enemies are the essence of his life. He does not cower behind brainless goons from the demons that pursue him, he steels his nerves and prepares for war. Ronnie Paris, you have made the fields of battle your home, yet you shirk the responsibility of your calling. To you, provoking a man's anger with taunting words is more worthy than defeating him in bloody combat. To you, heaping humilation upon the people who provide you your welfare is more worthy than earning their respect. That is why we are opposites, Ronnie Paris. When you look at me, you see a man who thrives when the challenge is at its highest ebb; a man who earned his rank of honour with his own sweat and blood. When I look at you, I see a man cowed by his own failure; a man who, recognising his own inferiority of spirit, broke down inside and fled into a bitter cloak of shadows. Ronnie Paris... In my veins, there flows the crimson blood of valour. In yours: the yellow mucous of cowardice. [Musashi shakes his head in disgust.] Coward. When next we meet, leave your lackies behind. They are not worthy opponents for the Enigma. I shred through them like a hurricane through a barn. When next we meet, Ronnie Paris, take the opportunity to redeem yourself before all of the world. Face the Konton na tamashii that pursues you. Do not delude yourself that he is not worthy of your attention. Deep inside, you know that it is you who is dwarfed in stature. Face the might and fury of the Enigma, Ronnie Paris. I warn you in all sincerity, to be struck down head on is less devestating than to be struck down from behind... [Musashi's eyes glitter as he appears to be pondering something for a moment.] Stonebreaker. Your meddling this evening is as unfathomable to me as the void. You say I have awoken the chaos that burns inside of you, but remember: to be master of your konton na tamashii makes you a mighty man. Never let the actions of others control your fate. Stonebreaker, your reason speaks to you in the voice of deception - it tells you that the Enigma has done you an injustice. But my heart speaks to you in the voice of truth - it says that such a thing as justice does not exist. There is no requital for evil; no reward for good... There are no transgressions in the violent world we have made our calling. But still... no doubt you will not heed my words. No doubt you will come for the Enigma in the name of vengeance. So be it. I will not turn you away. I welcome you with open arms, Stonebreaker, to your own destruction... [Musashi nods his head to the camera, turns away, and fades into the night air.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Natural Predators ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Scene raises on BEAR and GREY PHOENIX, the NATURAL PREDATORS, who both look a little tired and worse for wear after Bear's victory over the Lost Boyz' Eddie Ramos. They are in good cheer, inside a spacious living room, surrounded by people, as they decorate a Christmas tree. Kuyler, leaning in the doorway, watches with a smile on his face as teh joined families of the Predators and his own prepare for Christmas. Everyone is dressed casually, except for Kuyler, who is wearing his customary black suit.] KG: You may wonder what the purpose of this is...why the Predators are taking this week off, why we aren't ranting and raving about the Lost Boyz, or LFD getting a title shot before us, or the like. [he smiles widely] KG: Simply put...I'm giving my boys a chance to spend time with those that they love. See, we may all make a living watching people or being the people who beat the hell out of each other for the fans. But we're all human too. And this time of the year, I see no reason for the Predators and my own family to spend this time together as a family. When you're with anyone for a while in this sport...they truly do become part of your family. [the Greysons, Wolcotts, and Twin-Bear families all gather around the tree, as Kuyler steps into the middle of the scene] KG: Make no mistake. Soon enough it'll be business as usual. But for now, from our families to yours...happy holidays. ALL: HAPPY HOLIDAYS! [Scene fades on this unexpectedly pleasant moment.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+