[Fade up on footage captioned, "Last Saturday Night." The fans in the jam-packed IIWF Coliseum rise to their feet as "Sychosys" Joe Petrow, wearing a striped referee's shirt, jogs down to ringside. Over this footage comes a voice-over:] VO: It was a night of controversy... a night of shocks... a night of surprises. [Duncan Macbeth and Chris Quigley make their entrances, the former to rousing cheers, tartan swatches being waved by many of the fans in attendance, the latter accompanied by Steve Manning, to a huge heel pop. The ringside entourage of Fitz and Timothy N. Turner are also shown making their way to the ring.] VO: It was a chance for two men to prove who the true champion is. Would it be "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley -- or would it be Duncan Macbeth? Here's what you saw. [Cut to edited highlights from the match: Quigley locks Macbeth in a painful leglock; he hits the Scotsman with an enzuigiri; Macbeth drops the champion with a jawbreaker; Macbeth hits Quigley with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker; Quigley locks the Quickstriker onto the challenger -- and Macbeth breaks the hold with a thumb to the eye; Macbeth locking Quigley in a modified Boston crab... Joe Petrow checking for the submission... Chris Quigley's head dropping... and Petrow calling for the bell! The words of the ring announcer echo over the scene:] SL: As a result of a submission, your winner, and NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, DUNCAN MACBETH!! [The shot shows Duncan Macbeth hoisting the Intercontinental title belt proudly into the air, flanked by Fitz and Timothy N. Turner. Cut to Derek Mota wheeling himself toward the celebration, a huge grin on his face, passing the departing Quigley and Manning in the aisle. When the men in the ring see him, the drop down into the aisle so that he can join them. Fitz and Timothy Turner help Mota out of his wheelchair -- and then the crowd explodes with a huge heel pop! Derek Mota slams his cast into the back of the head of Duncan Macbeth -- and the Scotsman falls like a sack of potatoes! Fitz goes down to a shot from the wheelchair, which Mota is brandishing like a weapon -- and then down goes Timothy N. Turner, struck as Mota spun around, still clutching the chair in front of him! Huge, huge heel pop! Tim Dross' comments are heard over these scenes:] TD: Derek Mota has just knocked out his three best friends! What is he doing?! SR: I have no bloody idea. But this is great! TD: Mota is asking for the ring microphone, but we are out of time! [The shot freezes... and a forboding bass pulse pervades the soundtrack as the voice-over resumes:] VO: But here's what you _didn't_ see. [The footage is now monochrome, and captioned, "Recorded during Parking Lot Brawl". Mota clambers into the ring, and slowly looks out at the crowd, almost staring down each and every fan in attendance.  The fans begin pelting Mota with litter, but the self-proclaimed Heatseeker simply smiles arrogantly, and slowly begins to raise his arm.  Mota just stops and raises one arm in the air... upon his hand is worn a glove... a black, leather fingerless glove.  He clenches his fist and holds it upright in an almost familiar action.  Finally, after having soaked in the crowd reaction, he grabs the ringside mic.] DM: And what the hell was that?  Heh heh. Let's just put it this way.  I've witnessed the destruction of an empire, and as you can tell, paybacks are hell. Did you actually believe for one sec that I was your friend, Macbeth? After what you did to me?  After what you did TO ME? I was let down one too many times by ya, Duncan.  And that ain't somethin' ya wanna do. Ya wanna call us a damn stable?  What kind of stable has members nailin' other members in the head with steel chairs in order ta make them lose? 'Member that one, Macbeth?  'Member that champ vs. champ match... Turner? And where were ya back then? [Mota uses his one remaining intact crutch and goes for a massive swing, hitting the back of Macbeth's unconscious head with it, sending ripples through his body.] DM: Remember Macbeth, when I saw how you were ripped off by Quigley and I decided ta take out Manning for ya?  Remember that?  And then Manning broke my foot in a cheap sneak attack? Where were ya back then? [Mota is almost losing his breath from screaming.] And then, finally... last week.  My title match vs. Quigley.  He took me apart.  You knew I didn't have a chance.  But instead, you just stood in the dressing room, watching the match from a monitor, watching him and Manning just about end my career.  Yeah, you know what's comin' up... Where were ya back then? Always one second too late, Macbeth.  And we all know what one second is. It makes all the difference between true friendship and glory hogging.  So I guess we know which one you are, huh? Yeah, I realize how it went.  It was never the three of us.  No matter what you said, it was always you and Turner.  And I was the afterthought. The pictures had you and Turner on 'em.  But where were the pictures of the three of us bikin' across the states on tour?  Didja throw those away? Yeah, I realize now that you guys never considered me your friend... But ta tell you how much of a friend I am to you, Macbeth, to show you just how it shoulda been, I'll be there for ya, Duncan.  Every week.  Just in case ya need my help.  I'll be there for ya, and trust me on this one... I won't be one second too late. Enjoy your Intercontinental Title. [With that, Duncan begins to stir and Mota quickly limps out of the ring, using his one remaining crutch to help him out before Macbeth realizes what has happened.  He leaves behind him the wheelchair at ringside, now a part of his past as he walks down the aisle, getting pelted with garbage. The shot cuts to a dazed and furious Duncan Macbeth, holding the back of his head as he pulls himself into a sitting position, the Intercontinental belt strewn on the matting beside him.] VO: The betrayal... the humiliation... the anger. It was supposed to be a moment of glory -- and instead, it was a moment of humiliation. [Cut to a final shot of Mota departing through the curtain at the head of the aisle as the ongoing Parking Lot brawl is shown on the video wall above the entranceway. Mota gives a sick grin and waves mockingly to Macbeth as he disappears into the locker room area.] . ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ with Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts Tuesday 6 January 1998 ................................................... [Van Halen's "Everybody Wants Some" loudly plays as the shot opens on the interior of the Arm Bar in Portland's historic Pearl District.  IIWF fans of all shapes, sizes, colors and demographics stand and cheer loudly for their particular favorite, waving small homemade signs and sporting official IIWF paraphenalia. On the raised platform situated near the center bar are the veteran IIWF commentators.  Tim Dross is wearing his new blue IIWF blazer and a red and gold tie on which is pictured a football player reaching high for and endzone pass.  The excessively bearded Steve Roberts is wearing his new full length black leather jacket over top a green t-shirt which reads: "Puck The Fackers" The music fades as the shot zooms on Dross:] TD: Hello, fans... You are _tuned_in_ to the nerve central of professional wrestling... the Arm Bar in Portland, Oregon! [Big, gratuitous, "hey that's us" POP!] TD: You are tuned in to the show that looks at all the news, views, reviews and previews... highlights and sidelights... cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and up ahead at what will be here in the _hottest_ professional wrestling organization in the world today... [The crowd joins along with Dross' familiar opening phrase...] "THE _MIGHTY_ IIWF!!" TD: I am your host, Tim Dross, and this is "Inside the IIWF".  We have so many huge, huge stories as we sit less that two weeks from that big spectacular, Snow Brawl.  And, of course, to help guide us through the next thirty minutes is the hardest working man in the rasslin' business, Two and 1/2 Time Grapple Award Winning... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! [Big reaction as the Soundbite waves to the patrons, and then a bigger reaction as a half dozen enormous brown skinned men wearing "Soundbite Special Forces" t-shirts line the perimeter of the platform.] TD: Steve Roberts... and friends... welcome. SR: Dross, the question that has to be going through your mind is, "How can a man as sexy as the Soundbite still be single?"  Well, the answer to that is simple... as long as the penicillin's flowin', Bachelor Steve is Goin'.  But the other question that has to be on your mind is, "What's the deal with the beef?"  TD: Your reinforced "Special Forces" are indeed noticeable. SR: Dross, I gots tired of seeing the guys on my special slush fund payroll getting their ass kicked by every Tom, Dick and Takezo they ran across.  So... I went to the Islands, Dross.  Everyone knows that in my day -- I had a legendary feud with the Samoans.  TD: You and Afa packed many a gymnasium. SR: Exactly.  And there wasn't a one of 'em who didn't feel the wrath of the Soundbite Star Press.  But those guys always kept getting up. You could hit them over the head six ways to Sunday and they'd just keep going forward.  Hit 'em with trash cans... Hit 'em with briefcases... Hit 'em with boxed sets of Don McLean's greatest hits... and those guys just keep going.  What do I always say... there just ain't no milk in them coconuts. TD: Don McLean? SR: Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry, Dross.  Think about it, fat man.  Think about it. TD: So, you are saying that you have recruited these men from Samoa? SR: Absolutely.  A half dozen now.  A half dozen when we get out to Hawaii for Snow Brawl.  That's twelve guys -- twelve guys plus my boy Smooth who are all set to watch Ronnie Paris' back when he climbs the ladder and snatches the win dead away from that Taiwanese guy. TD: We will indeed see Ronnie Paris take on Takezo Musashi on January 17, live from the Aloha Bowl in Honolulu.  But... oh, we have so much more than that which we will see as the _complete_ Snow Brawl lineup is set... and based on all that went down on Saturday Night, we have some very important additions to the card. We'll talk about the complete Snow Brawl card in just a few moments... but first let's talk about what may go down as the most eventful night in recent wrestling history... let's take one last look at IIWF Saturday Night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 3 January ....................................................................... IIWF World Heavyweight Championship: Brody Thunder d. Steve Kowalski IIWF Intercontinental Championship: Duncan Macbeth d. Chris Quigley Meatman d. Lord Byron Down Boys d. Fabulous Ones (dq) Christopher Stonebreaker d. Takezo Musashi Rick Williams d. Ronnie Paris (c/o) Natural Predators d. Harlequins Tragedy d. Edmund Fitzgerald Luke Steele d. Moxy Blue TD: Folks, we have not one, but _two_ new Champions as we approach Snow Brawl.  The "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder, in one of the truly great matches in the history of IIWF Saturday Night, defeated Steve "The Fury" Kowalski in a parking lot brawl to become... officially... the first ever _two-time_ World Champion in the history of the IIWF! [Big Mixed crowd reaction, many of the patrons chanting "Thun-der", but just as many responding with "Skull-pump"..."Skull-pump".] SR: You know, Dross, sometimes I think Double Eye is more interesting behind the scenes than in the ring... but then I see a brutal, hardcore match like Thunder/Kowalski -- and it ain't hard to remember that there ain't no backwoods, cousin marryin', Johnny come never rasslin' organization can hold a candle to the mighty IIWF.  Good times, Dross. Good damn times. TD: Brody Thunder did indeed defeat Steve Kowalski in a highly irregular match in the parking lot of the IIWF Coliseum on Saturday Night -- and many speculated that it would, in fact, turn out not to be an officially sanctioned encounter that saw the "Lone Wolf" score a pinfall victory... In fact, those people were wrong.  Brody Thunder did defeat Steve Kowalski -- and is the first two time Heavyweight Champion in the history of the IIWF. SR: A damn shock, Dross.  We've had two months full of weird, wild... almost paranormal stuff happen around here.  But this one... a title change... and then back... and then back again.  It's not somethin' even I would have ever figured. TD: Paranormal? SR: Aw, those alien chicks dig me, Dross.  Little green chicks.  Four, five breasts.  All the time calling me Elliott.  Yeah, baby.  I gotta get to the country more often. TD: So... we have a new World Champion -- and he's the same as the old World Champion, Brody Thunder.  But... that's not all -- as we also have a brand new Intercontinental Champion -- and his name is Duncan Macbeth. SR: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo TD: Steve Roberts. SR: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo TD: Please. SR: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... TD: Are you through? SR: ....ooooooo.  Okay.  I'm done.  I's just happy, Dross.  I's just the happiest Soundbite in the village.  Happier than when daddy brought home that puppy.  Hello little puppy... hello, little friend.  Will you be my friend, little puppy?  I'll call you Mr Peabody.  Hey, Hey, Daddy... what... why... don't do that to the puppy.  Hey, hey daddy... please. Hey!  Stop Hurting Mr. Peabody!  I'll kill you!  I'll kill you, you damn, dirty Daddy! [Roberts leaps from the platform, attacking an older fan in a Subway Psycho "You Will Get De-Railed" t-shirt -- and begins choking him out. The Soundbite Special Forces quickly arrive, pulling Roberts off and placing him back on the platform while the gentlemen is quickly shoved a wad of cash and escorted to the door.] TD: Are you alright now, Steve? SR: I got issues, Dross.  Issues. TD: A man who certainly "takes issue" with the result of last Saturday's match is "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley.  Folks, I have watched the tape of that finish time and time again... and I am convinced that Chris Quigley did not... did not quit in his match against Duncan Macbeth -- and that Joe Petrow should not have stopped that match. SR: BullQuigley.  I heard him say it the second he walked into the ring.  "I quit, Mr. Soundbite... I quit.  Please stop saying mean things about me.  I'll do anything you say... and I mean anything."  He's a loser, Dross.  A quitter.  He's yesterday's news. TD: He certainly is not yesterday's news, Steve Roberts.  Chris Quigley had one of the great Championship reigns in IIWF history... and it certainly could not have ended in a more controversial fashion.  And that controversy, and the role of the man, in "Sychosys" Joe Petrow, who was at the forefront of all that controversy, in officiating this match has caused a very prominent addition to be made to that now white hot Snow Brawl Card... and we will talk about that later. But... the reign of another very deserving champion deserves mention now. Duncan Macbeth, the fighting Scotsman who may have worked harder over the last three months than any IIWF superstar, has received the reward he has long coveted -- the Intercontinental Championship.  SR: Yeah... but he got soft, Dross.  I've seen it over the last couple of months.  All the time he spends signing autographs for the morons, the way he likes to have his picture taken with the morons, the way he likes to invite the morons to his house for make them dinner and give them butterfly kisses on their bellies.  Hey, morons... any of you ever played swallow the swan with the Intercontinental Champion? [A tentative hand goes up in the back from a middle-aged waitress, who then responds with, "What can I say... I have a thing for haggis."] TD: Another man who clearly has a great deal of animosity toward Macbeth is young Derek Mota, who as we saw Saturday Night and then again at the top of the broadcast, has clearly been planning this attack on Duncan Macbeth for weeks.  Derek Mota's ankle is, in fact, not broken... and the former Cruiserweight Champion was absolutely dastardly in his post-match, celebration tarnishing attack on not only Macbeth, but on Tim Turner and Edmund Fitzgerald.  What may have been the next great IIWF stable is destroyed via the double cross. SR: I always like that Canadian bastard.  Look, Macbeth has become some type of fan friendly, baby kissing, waitress loving chump... and his buddies Turner and Fitzsimmons... TD: Fitzgerald. SR: ...they're not any better.  They're all soft.  They all missed the Mota swerve... he suckered each and every one of them... and I couldn't be happier.  Here's a big Soundbite Salute to you, ya bastard! TD: The fallout from that match will continue on into Snow Brawl -- as President Daniel Spreadbury announced the lineups for those big Mixed Tag Matches... and folks... some of those matches are truly going to be spectacular. SR: Filler matches. TD: In other action on Saturday Night -- we saw the Enigma and Ronnie Paris each lose due to the interference of the other, to Christopher Stonebreaker and Rick Williams respectively. SR: Last time you're ever gonna see that Russian guy... TD: Japanese. SR: ...cost my man Paris a match.  Starsault Press off the ladder to the outside.  Hah!  You want to see some aerial maneuvers?  Check out me versus Afa from '81.  Roll the tape! [A shot of a shirtless Steve Roberts, his leather jacket open to his waist, is flashed on the screen.  Roberts is standing in front of a microphone.  And appears to be... about to burst into song.] TD: What exactly was that, Steve Roberts? SR: The wrong goddamn tape is what that was.  We are not going to watch that tape.  Damn.  Damn.  Damn.  We are not going to watch that tape.  I forbid it. TD: Folks, later in this show... we will watch that tape! [Big Pop from the patrons as Roberts shakes his head vigorously... then dispatches his Special Forces into the production truck.] TD: Losses from Paris and Musashi indeed... however each man continues to perform impressively as we gear up to this match.  Each man has, I firmly believe, in the past several weeks established himself as one of the most complex, interesting and talented individuals in this sport.  Take, for example, the Enigma.  We saw on Saturday Night the two sides of Takezo Musashi so clearly in evidence. SR: Green beans and coleslaw, Dross. TD: Exactly.  What? SR: Two sides.  Two sides.  Jesus, do I have to explain everything to you people.  Cornbread, hog rolls and chitterlings.  Cornbread. TD: We saw the suicidal side..the man who would risk his own life, literally to attack a Ronnie Paris.  Takezo Musashi, the inventor of the Starsault Press, perhaps the most famous aerial maneuver in all of wrestling, put on quite a display as he assaulted Ronnie Paris. SR: It'll never happen again, Dross.  Porkchops and apple sauce. TD: But, in his match against young Stonebreaker -- Takezo Musashi showed his unemotional, technically proficient side... and he was equally devastating. SR: Yeah, whatever.  But what about Paris, Dross?  Here's a guy who turns his back on his family... turns his back on all that Paris "tradition" that never got anybody anywhere -- all those generations of has-beens, bootlickers and never-weres.  And then last week -- he just knocks the old man out altogether!  Just cleans his Daddy's clock!  I loved that, Dross!  A man who would punch his own daddy clean in the mouth!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A! TD: Steve Roberts. SR: Mr. Peabody!! [Roberts leaps back into the crowd, finding another older fan, this one in a Tony Starks "Survive If I let You" t-shirt... and then begins to choke him out. The remaining members of the Special Forces again separate Roberts, depositing him back on the platform and escorting the man out of the Arm Bar with a wad of cash.] TD: Steve? SR: Issues, Dross.  Issues. TD: Another man with some issues he'll have to deal with is one Luke Steele.  Not only did he defeat Richard "Moxy" Blue with the Floating DDT... but he went on to aid the Meatman, Jimmy Steele in a win over Lord Byron -- again with that Floating DDT. SR: Aw, you gotta like to see a man trying to get over with the Soundbite, Dross.  A sneak attack -- just to use his finishing move one more time!  That's big, Dross.  That's big like you got over the holidays.  Think jazzercise, Dross.  Jazzercise. TD: Lord Byron has now been the victim of Luke Steele on two occasions -- and when we talk, a little later on in the show, about that big Snow Brawl card -- you see that their final encounter has yet to come. SR: And the tags, Dross!  For the love of God, don't forget the tags! TD: Tag team action is red hot, Steve Roberts, the Fabulous Ones were cheated out of victory by an appearance from Simon O' Neal of the Machines... those two teams are headed for Snow Brawl showdown -- while the winning Down Boys join the other team that won on Saturday Night, the Natural Predators, as the two teams who have been "calling out" Tag Champs Lost Boyz over the past several weeks. SR: Down Dogs.  Uptown Saturday Night Boys.  Dog Dog Doobie Doo Down Down. TD: We also saw a wild scene involving Tragedy, Edmund Fitzgerald, Shadoe Rage and a fusillade of fish.  This weird triangle of confusion resulted in a Tragedy win on this week... but certainly the final chapter has not yet been written here. SR: Shadoe Rage.  That's it, Dross.  He's the guy -- we've been talking about it since he went singles, and now it looks like it's coming to pass -- if you want to talk about the next superstar in the IIWF... you couldn't do much better than that fish throwing Rage.  Hah!  Flying fish.  Just give me Dr. Teeth and I ready to take Manhattan, Chico. TD: That was Saturday Night, folks.  Let's take our special preview of Snow Brawl! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| PREVIEW: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Snow Brawl: 17 January 1998 ....................................................................... [The shot of Steve Roberts without a shirt is shown again, this time he is climbing a hill and lip-synching the words "I want to take a little time...".  The tape cuts out again.] SR: Can't those guys do anything?  Dross -- I don't know what's going on here... but I'll get an injunction.  I'll get a... what do you call that? [The khaki panted young man at the bar, who, still weeping, mouths the words, "Hey, Hey, Rachel Dear" and then registers the Soundbite's question:] YM: Ah... that's a TRO... a, uh, Temporary Restraining Order.  You can only get one if there's imminent danger of irreparable harm, no other remedy at law and a likelihood of success on the merits.  So... you know.  You need all that... stuff. [The young man returns to his ale, and draws a small cheer from the patrons.] SR: I love that kid.  TD: Well, Steve Roberts -- I'm actually not sure what it is... but someone seems bound and determined for us to see that tape tonight.  Why don't you just tell us what's on that tape? SR: No. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SNOW BRAWL - January 17, Honolulu, Hawaii ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF World Heavyweight Championship Match: "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski Submission Match: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. "Sychosys" Joe Petrow Snow Brawl Survivors Match: ? vs. ? vs. ? Ladder Match: "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Ronnie Paris IIWF Tag Team Championships: Lost Boyz vs. ? Snow Brawl Mixed Tag Match: Duncan Macbeth, Derek Mota, "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner vs. Serge Annis, Mad Dog Watkins, "To Excess" Rick Williams Allies Collide: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. Marty Warnett Snow Brawl Mixed Tag Match: Lord Byron, Meatman, Charles Scheffield vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele, Deathbringer, Christopher Stonebreaker Tag Team Battle Royal Snow Brawl Mixed Tag Match: Icehawk, Richard "Moxy" Blue, Ike Sampson vs. Edmund Fitzgerald, Tragedy, "Savage" Shadoe Rage ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Free For All: ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Machines vs. Fabulous Ones Steve Manning vs. "Mr. Majestyk" Maurice McArthur TD: There you go, folks, there is the complete card for Snow Brawl, coming your way only on Pay-Per-View live from the _only_ place to spend your winter -- the Aloha Bowl in Honolulu, Hawaii -- and the IIWF. SR: Good card, Dross.  Not enough blood.  You know -- last time we had the barbed wire... and sometimes we have guys that use tables and chairs and glass and thumbtacks and exploding barbed wire baseball bats... we need some of that stuff, Dross. TD: I'll make a call. SR: Aw, thanks, Dross.  You're the bestest friend I ever had when I wasn't naked. TD: Here it is, folks.  We have the third installment of Thunder vs. Kowalski... and there is a good deal of whispering in the dressing room that the IIWF just might not be big enough for both of these men -- and that something may have to change after Snow Brawl. [Some mumbling among those in the audience still sober enough to care regarding that cryptic comment from Dross.] TD: Then we have one of the new matches -- Joe Petrow... Chris Quigley... and a submission match.  SR: I told you I'd see Chris Quigley quit, Dross -- now I'm gonna see it twice.  I think you hear me knockin', Quigley, and I think I'm comin' in -- and I'm bringing Crazy Joe Petrow and his 193 personalities with me!   TD: Yes, one of these two men will give up in this match... and that's not all.  We understand that this will be a _Locked Door_ match.  No interference allowed -- with the punishment for any interference being an immediate banishment from the IIWF! SR: Locked Door Submission Barbed Wire Double Hell! TD: Not exactly. SR: It'll still be good.  Hope you got your tap shoes on, Chrissie. You know... tap, tap, tap. TD: We also have that Ladder Match between Takezo Musashi and Ronnie Paris that has continued to build in importance... plus two long-time friends in Billy Shakespeare and Marty Warnett will compete.  SR: And the tags, Dross.  Don't forget the tags! TD: We'll have the big tag team battle royal -- pitting all of the tag teams in the IIWF against each other, in what has become a Snow Brawl tradition.  However, the difference this year is that the winning team will go on later in the evening to take on the Lost Boyz for the Tag Team Titles! SR: You know what?  I was really scared there for a moment that you were gonna forget the tags.  Thanks, buddy. TD: Don't forget as well that as part of our Free For All will be the match between the Machines and the Fabulous Ones -- and no one can really say what kind of matchup that will be given the Machines' current turmoil. SR: That Paul Wong's a dreamboat, Dross. TD: Finally we have the big, big Snow Brawl Mixed Tag matches. President Spreadbury announced the pairings this past Saturday Night and... oh my, what big matchups we have! SR: All the better to eat you with, grandma. TD: Somehow I don't think that's the first time you've said that, Steve Roberts. [The patrons begin chanting the name, "Dross... Dross... Dross!"] SR: Score one for the fat man. TD: We'll see three men who were allies at the time these teams were announced, Duncan Macbeth, Tim Turner and Derek Mota take on Serge Annis, Rick Williams and Mad Dog Watkins in what is sure to be a _combustible_ matchup. We'll see Lord Byron, the Meatman and Charles Scheffield take on Luke Steele, Deathbringer and Charles Stonebreaker -- and there will be some interestingly divided loyalties in that one. Finally, we have Icehawk, Richard "Moxy" Blue and the returning Ike Sampson going up against the battling threesome of Edmund Fitzgerald, Harlequin Tragedy and Shadoe Rage. Folks, it is tremendous six man action -- followed immediately by the winning teams "turning on each other" in an elimination style match -- with the final 3 survivors going on _later that night_ to meet in a Three Way Dance... with the ultimate winner getting the tremendous prize of being allowed to "call out" any wrestler he wants... anytime during the month of February!  It will be tremendous, tremendous action -- and all kicked off by that hugely interesting challenge encounter between Steve Manning and Maurice McArthur! It is Snow Brawl -- It is January 17 -- and it is coming only on Pay-Per-View! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Wednesday War Room: 7 January 1998 ....................................................................... ALL-SMASH SPECIAL! 1. Fabulous Ones vs. Down Boys 2. Tony Starks & Subway Psycho vs. High Plains Drifters 3. Prophets of Rage vs. Natural Predators 4. Harlequins vs. Licensed for Devastation 5. Christopher Stonebreaker vs. Charles Scheffield 6. TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: Richard "Moxy" Blue vs. Icehawk vs. Mark Destructo 7. IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Timothy N. Turner vs. Derek Mota 8. SUBMISSION MATCH: "Sychosys" Joe Petrow vs. Steve Manning TD: Maybe the biggest War Room of all time as we kick of the New Year right with an "All-Smash" Wednesday! SR: See, this is good, Dross.  I like to see the boys upstairs having a little fun before the gold watches start getting passed out. TD: How about we go to tomorrow's big, big card? SR: Some shooter you turned out to be, Dross. TD: Eight tag teams will be in action as the IIWF gears up for Snow Brawl.  The Fabulous Boys will receive an immediate rematch against the Down Boys, Subway Psycho and Tony Starks, those two veterans who looked oh-so-impressive in their debut matches will take on the High Plains Drifters.  Two teams riding good winning streaks, the Prophets of Rage and the Natural Predators will collide... and the Harlequins will look to avenge some of the beatings that have been laid on them by LFD. SR: Don't forget to tell us about the tags! TD: I just did. SR: Thank God.  That was too close that time, Dross.  You gotta stop scaring me like that, buddy.  Next you're gonna tell me that Billy Shakespeare's back with the promotion. TD: Two men who will meet at Snow Brawl meet again tomorrow night when Charles Scheffield takes on Christopher Stonebreaker. SR: You know, we like a little feeling out process for some of these new guys... but Scheffield seems to be showing up a lot around that Has Been Byron -- I'm gonna go on record and start calling him his man servant. TD: I don't think that's necessary. SR: You're right, how about "butt boy"? TD: Steve Roberts! [Laughter from the drunken masses, save for the older man in the Psycho/Starks t-shirt whose two friends have previously been escorted from the bar.] TD: Three men who will see each other again as teammates at Snow Brawl meet in a triangle match as Moxy Blue, Icehawk and Mark Destructo hook up. SR: Now, let's go over the rules of these three man matches, Dross -- they gets me all confused in the head. TD: That's not true. SR: No, I understand all of them.  And if I didn't, I wouldn't care. But you have to spell it out for the people. TD: Folks, we have two types of triangle matches in the IIWF -- elimination matches -- and first fall to a finish matches.  On "Inside" we always explain which type the relevant match is -- this week, each of our two triangle matches is, "First Fall To A Finish"... meaning that all three men are legal -- and whomever scores the first elimination is declared the winner.  The only type of triangle rules which we don't follow are the so-called "Atlanta rules" where only two men at a time are legal, and they can tag in and out. SR: And Dross... why don't we ever use those... what did you call them... "Atlanta Rules"? TD: Because they are idiotic. SR: Aw, I jus' loves bein' yo' straight man, Missuh Dross. TD: Cruiserweight gold on the line when former champion Derek Mota gets a rematch against one of the men who he so blatantly swerved on Saturday Night -- Tim Turner. SR: Who knows what Mota's gonna do next?  That's what I like, Dross.  A little unpredictability... shaking things up a little bit.  Hating your neighbor... cheating a friend.  Lying for your own gain -- financial or otherwise.  I like it when a man will purposely injure himself to doublecross another man.  Mota did it with an ankle... I knew a guy who had this kidney, right... he had this kidney that was the only match for one of his buddies who was real sick.  Now, he and this guy were tight, see.  Real tight -- I think the buddy had taken a bullet for him in 'Nam or something. Anyway, this guy finds out that he's the only match for this kidney -- it's some kind of freak genetic thing.  One in a billion.  And he says, "Sure, I'll give it to you... I mean, what are friends for?"  But see, Dross, here's the beauty part.  The night before the operation... he goes out and gets sloshed.  I mean really hammered.  Johnny Walker Ba-Boom and Jack Daniels Ba-Pow, he's knocking 'em back like he's goin' to the chair the next day. So... it's the next morning, and this guy misses the check-in for the hospital... and when they finally drag him out of his house at like two in the afternoon -- it turns out he's contaminated the kidney with the booze -- and now they can't use it anymore. So, the guy confronts him, right.  He wants to know why he bottomed out on him.  And the other guy squints, right, takes a couple of aspirin and says, "If you can't run with the big dogs, partner, you'd better stay on the porch." TD: We'll also see "Sychosys" Joe Petrow in our main event -- and he will meet Steve Manning in what should be an interesting precursor of that big, big, big Submission Match coming your way at Snow Brawl. SR: And you know who that man was?  That man who drank himself into a stupor the night before he was gonna give his sick buddy his kidney? TD: Oh, I don't know... I'd guess... You? SR: Hell no, Dross.  I wouldn't do something like that.  I was just pouring the drinks. TD: It's the War Room.  It's coming tomorrow night. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| IIWF Saturday Night: 10 January 1998 ....................................................................... 1. "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley & Steve Manning vs. Team Sychosys 2. TITLES ON THE LINE: Duncan Macbeth & Timothy N. Turner vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi & Ronnie Paris 3. Serge Annis vs. Mad Dog Watkins 4. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "To Excess" Rick Williams 5. Lord Byron & Deathbringer vs. Meatman & "Real Deal" Luke Steele 6. TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: Shadoe Rage vs. Tragedy vs. Edmund Fitzgerald 7. Natural Predators, Prophets of Rage & Harlequins vs. Down Boys, Fabulous Ones & Licensed for Devastation 8. IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Lost Boyz vs. Tony Starks & Subway Psycho TD: One more Saturday Night before Snow Brawl -- the last show which will take place in the IIWF Coliseum in several weeks -- and it's gonna be quite a doozy.  We'll hear comments from both Brody Thunder and Steve Kowalski... and in the ring we will see Team Sychosys take on Chris Quigley and Steve Manning.  SR: It's gonna be good, Dross.  I ain't easy to arouse -- but once you start me up I'll never stop.  You want to put on a Pay-Per-View with Thunder/Kowalski III and Quigley/Petrow in a submission match at the top of the card?  Hell, I'll pop the 10 bucks for that, Dross. TD: $29.95, Steve Roberts. SR: Christ, Dross.  We continue to rob the morons blind.  Hey, morons... get one of those black boxes.  For a low, low price I'll send you instructions for how you can hook one up using only some paper maché, a bottle of Fresca and a photograph of Richard Dean Anderson.  TD: We'll also have what could be the most intriguing matchup of the night.  Duncan Macbeth and Timothy Turner each put up their singles belts in a tag match against Ronnie Paris and Takezo Musashi.  Now, if Macbeth and Turner win -- there is no belt change... if Paris and Musashi were to win by disqualification or countout, there would be no belt change... However... However... were Takezo Musashi and Ronnie Paris to win this match by pinfall or by submission... than the man who records the fall would take the title from the man over whom he recorded that fall. SR: Huh? TD: Oh, you understand, Steve Roberts. SR: Yeah, but Dross... you know... the morons... TD: Okay, if for example, Ronnie Paris were to pin Duncan Macbeth... then Ronnie Paris would become the Intercontinental Champion. See? SR: Totally unfair.  Enigma and Paris aren't putting anything up. They've got nothing to lose... I love it! TD: The intrigue is thick here... Ronnie Paris and Takezo Musashi hate each other -- yet, if they don't work together, neither of them has a shot at a belt.  But... the man who does not score the pinfall, were they to be the victorious team, does not receive any title at all. SR: And what about those best buddies, Dross?  What about Turner and Macbeth?  Two guys who would never, ever turn on each other... Unless they had to protect their own titles.  Would Macbeth put himself at risk to save Turner's title?  And how 'bout Turner short arming a tag when Macbeth's getting his clock cleaned?  It's a great, great match, Dross... I'm gonna have a good ol' time with this one. TD: Two singles matches will fill out the top half of the back hour on Saturday Night -- Mad Dog Watkins makes his return to the the IIWF with a matchup against a guy whom he may have cost the IIWF Championship a couple of weeks ago in Serge Annis... and Rick Williams, who has been so, so solid since entering the Double Eye will meet a man who has to be tuning up for his big Snow Brawl match against Marty Warnett, Billy Shakespeare. SR: How's Blitzsphere's trial going, Dross? TD: Billy Shakespeare isn't on trial. SR: Sure he is -- out in Sacramento, he lived in that twelve foot shack in Montana, he blew guys up by sending 'em meat shaped like a football in the mail.  I hear he's tryin' to fire his lawyers... it's crazy, crazy times. TD: We'll see some interesting Snow Brawl previews when Lord Byron and the Deathbringer, men who will be opponents on January 17, will take on Luke Steele and the Meatman... and Shadoe Rage, Harlequin Tragedy and Edmund Fitzgerald will meet in what should be a wild, fish filled affair. SR: Meatguy with the beef and Rage with the fish -- if only we had a guy with a chicken gimmick we could have a helluva barbeque.  Oh, wait... there's always Quigley... TD: Big twelve-man tag action as we get closer to that Snow Brawl Battle Royal -- the Natural Predators, Prophets of Rage and the Harlequins meet LFD, the Down Boys and the Fabulous Ones.  Also... Also... World Tag Team Titles on the Line when the Lost Boyz hook it up with Tony Starks and the Subway Psycho! SR: The Roughriders against two guys who actually did walk up San Juan Hill with Teddy Roosevelt.  Thrilling, thrilling tag action! TD: Will you stop? SR: I want that tape. [The words, "I know you can show me" are heard sung as the shirtless Roberts is seen standing on a grassy hill in the middle of a large circle of men and women holding hands.] SR: Good God. TD: What in the world is that, Steve Roberts? SR: I don't want to talk about it, Dross.  TD: It looks, sort of, like a music video.  Did you do a music video, Steve Roberts? SR: No. TD: It isn't a music video? SR: No. TD: It's not you in that music video? SR: No. TD: You know we're going to have to watch that music video, don't you, Steve Roberts? SR: You're really starting to milk my goat, Dross.  TD: However, we aren't going to watch it this week, we will however, see Steve Roberts' Music Video right here, next week... on the special Snow Brawl edition of "Inside the IIWF". SR: I won't be here. TD: Yes you will.  Saturday Night, folks -- tune in for all the action! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Countdown to Saturday Night ....................................................................... TD: That's all the time we have for this edition of "Inside the IIWF". Be sure to tune in to Larry and Dave tomorrow night for all the action on the "Wednesday War Room"... then join Larry and Vicki on Friday as they "Countdown to Saturday Night"... finally it's right back to the IIWF Coliseum for the finest two hours of weekly like wrestling anywhere in the world -- it is IIWF Saturday Night! SR: They threw a helluva lot of money at me, Dross -- I'm not made of stone, goddammit! TD: For Steve "Soundbite" Roberts and all of us here at "Inside the IIWF", this is Tim Dross saying... good night, Everybody! [Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe" plays as the Soundbite buries his head in his hands while a clearly satisfied Dross playfully chucks him on the shoulder.  The shot and the music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+