________ ______ __ ____ ___ __ . _ ___ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| / /\ | | || \| \ /\ \ / |\ || / \| | | | || | \ v v / | __| \__ /__\ | | ||__/| |/__\ v | \||| __|-| | |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| \ \| v | \|__/ \| | || \_|| | | __________________________/...hour one...\........|...|.......|....| LIVE! IIWF Coliseum, Portland, Oregon 10 January 1998 [The opening graphics fade through to interior shots of the familiar IIWF Coliseum, the twenty thousand strong crowd as excited as ever to witness live IIWF action. Cameras flash all over the arena, from the floor to the mezzanine, with such rapidity as to almost create a strobe effect, briefly illuminating one area of fans, then another, then another... In the midst of the darkness is the beacon of the ring area, a huge rigging erected over the squared circle, many coloured spotlights spinning over the crowd and the canvas. Suddenly, the Coliseum itself seems to shake as huge volleys of pyrotechnics erupt in the rafters, rockets streaming up to the rafters from the head of the aisle. The crowd is now brought alive, the fans shouting their approval as showers of sparks fly as a path of fireworks explodes in turn down the aisle, finally reaching the ringside area -- and the four ringposts are together seemingly ablaze as brilliant white flame shoots up from each corner! As the smoke in the ringside area clears, the voice of Tim Dross is heard over this footage:] TD: Welcome everybody to Portland, Oregon! Welcome to the IIWF Coliseum! Welcome everybody to the home of professional wrestling -- the place where history is made each and every week! Welcome to IIWF Saturday Night! [The shot continues to pan down past row upon row of fans, eventually coming to rest on the ring, in which stands Tim Dross, a broad smile across his face as he milks the reaction of the crowd to his opening comments. The opening music fades, the smoke from the pyrotechnics clears, and Dross turns to more serious issues, raising the microphone to his mouth.] TD: Right now, fans, we're going to hear a few words from the man who just one week ago recaptured the IIWF World Title in a gruelling and brutal parking lot brawl with Steve "The Fury" Kowalski. [Big Fury pop, and chants of "Skull-pump! Skull-pump!" quickly erupt. As Dross pauses, acknowledging the cheers of the fans, the shot once more swings over the crowd, spotlights from the overheard rigging swirling over the sea of fans, occasionally picking up "THUNDER FEARS FURY" or "SNOW BRAWL: SEVEN DAYS AWAY!" signs in the audience. Cut back to Dross in the ring.] TD: In doing so, he became the first ever two-time IIWF World Heavyweight Champion. And in just seven short days' time -- on January 17th -- in Honolulu, Hawaii, he'll face Steve Kowalski in their third and quite possibly final match as the main event at Snow Brawl '98. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the "Lone Wolf"... Brody Thunder! [The spotlight shines on the entrance at the top of the aisle as the haunting strains of the theme from "High Plains Drifter" begin blaring over the P.A. system, the video wall above the curtain showing edited highlights of Thunder's career: dropping Requiem with a Cattle Buster DDT and standing with the IIWF World Title aloft; driving Billy Shakespeare through a table with a powerbomb; attempting to run down Steve Kowalski in a battered pick-up truck. After a few moments the curtains are thrown aside and Brody Thunder strides out. A mixed pop greets the big Arizona native as he makes his way to the ring. He's dressed in blue jeans, black boots and hat, and a blue denim button-down shirt. Above the left breast pocket is his ever-present credo, "EVIL, MEAN & NASTY", embroidered in red. Slung over his right shoulder is the IIWF World Title belt. The luster of its gold is slightly tarnished with dried bloodstains, a lasting tribute to the momentous battle that took place one week ago. Thunder makes his way up the stairs and takes his place beside Tim Dross.] TD: First off, Mr. Thunder -- congratulations on regaining the World title. It was an incredible match. [Thunder smirks at Dross' comments.] BT: The incredible part was the fact that Kowalski actually fell fer it. Ya can always count on the man's ego ta make him make a mistake.  An' y'know, Dross... mistakes are nuthin' but opportunies, my friend, an' the first opportunity he gave me, I took back my strap. [Thunder pats the belt on his shoulder with a wry smile.] TD: Well, it certainly was a brutal match to say the least. Both you and Steve Kowalski wound up having medical treatment after the bout. Care to comment on the extent of your injuries? BT: Ya wanna know _my_ injuries? Here ya go, Dross... [Thunder angrily removes his cowboy hat to reveal a long white bandage taped across his forehead, approximately 5" in length.]     ...twenty-seven stitches. Want more? [Thunder puts his hat back on and rolls up the sleeve on his left arm revealing a large bandage wrapped around his upper forearm.]     Another ten stitches. Not enough fer ya? [He lifts up his shirt and reveals a large patch of roadrash along the left side of his ribcage.]     How's this? Now add ta that a mild concussion an' I'd say it weren't exactly a picnic I went ta last week, wouldn't you? It's part o' the business, Dross. Jus' ask Kowalski... if he's conscious yet. [Thunder tucks his shirt back in, wincing slightly.] TD: Injuries aside, you and Steve Kowalski have signed to face each other one more time at Snow Brawl. Based on the past few weeks of incidents and attacks between you both, what can we expect on January 17th? How can things possibly get settled between you two men? BT: Oh, it's gonna get settled at Snow Brawl alright. Kowalski's been a thorn in my side fer too long. This match is the match that's gonna prove ta the flamin' world that Brody Thunder is the best wrestler in this business today. [Big pop from the fans!] BT: I don't care if it's a chain match, a death match, a strap match or a flamin' cage match... when the final bell rings ain't but one man gonna be standin', holdin' this here strap.     An' _that_ man... is _me_. [Another big pop, countered by a resurgence in the "Skull-pump!" chants! Dross once more waits for the noise to abate.] TD: Well, Steve Kowalski is one tremendous athlete -- and there are those who would say that regaining the title was a mere fluke. [Thunder's eyes flash with anger at the comment, the big Arizona native squaring up to Dross, the title belt dropping from his shoulder into his left hand. Dross looks nervily up at the huge champion.] BT: Was it a fluke when I busted his melon with that crowbar a few weeks ago? Was it a fluke that his ego made him accept a match last week? Was it a fluke when I dropped him on his squash in the parkin' lot an' left his hide spillin' crimson same as me? Oh-ho-ho, no, amigo. That weren't no fluke. That was a plan. A plan that set Kowalski up... an' then took him down.  I'm sure he's realizin' that now. An' I'm sure he's back there tryin' ta think o' how he's gonna save his carcass come January 17th. [Thunder reaches out for the microphone, enclosing Dross' hand within his own meaty fist, turning and fixing his glare directly at the in-ring camera.] Well, Kowalski... lemme save yerself the trouble. I've said it more'n once an' then I went out an' proved it... one-on-one ya jus'     can't beat me, ace. Locker room, parkin' lot, Snow Brawl. It's gonna end the same way, my friend. 'Cept mebbe _this_ time, hoss, you don't get up an' fight another day. Think about it, pal. [Another big pop from the crowd! "Thun-der! Thun-der!" chants echo from one faction, "Skull-pump! Skull-pump!" from another.] TD: Okay then, last night on Countdown, you alluded to some sort of...     of... "surprise," I guess, for lack of a better term. A surprise with regards to your match at Snow Brawl. Can you explain what it was you were referring to? [Thunder rubs his jaw and smiles. He pauses, looking side to side at the crowd in attendance, some screaming his name and some screaming Steve Kowalski's. He sticks his tongue in his cheek and tilts his head back as if pondering his next move.] TD: Well? Are you going to tell us, or aren't you? [Thunder snaps back a hard stare at Tim Dross who backs off a bit. Thunder leans in close to the mic.] BT: Oh, I'm gonna let y'all in on my li'l "surprise," all right... but I     want one man in particular to pay close attention ta what I'm about ta say. Gimme that...! [Thunder abruptly grabs the mic from Tim Dross' hand and semi-shoves him to a corner.]     This don't concern you, Dross, so ya can take yer tuxedoed can outta here. G'won... git! [Dross throws down his hands in disgust, exiting the ring to the floor, the fans chiming in with a chant of "Show Your Toes! Show Your Toes!" Thunder grins, rubs his jaw once more, and waits for the crowd to settle before fixing the camera with his steely gaze once more.] BT: Now I know Steve Kowalski's here tonight. I know he's listenin' ta my voice right now somewhere in the back. An' if yer smart, runt, you'll stay in the back an' keep what teeth ya got left 'till Snow Brawl. But while yer sittin' back there, I want ya ta listen -- an' listen good -- ta what I'm gonna say right now.     In my time in this sport I've fought the tough guys. I've fought     the cocky prettyboys. I've fought with champeens an' I've fought _legends_. An' the one thing they all had in common was... [Thunder pauses and leans on the top rope looking past the ringside close-up camera and straight to the back of the aisle.]     I beat 'em. Every last flamin' one o' 'em.     An' come January 17th, at Snow Brawl, l'il man... I'm gonna beat _you_. [A paper cup bounces off the cowboy's shoulder. Another just misses his face. Thunder shakes his head and smirks. A rather rotund man in the front row hurls a wadded cup and screams out "C'mere and I'll kick your ass, Thunder you pussy!" Brody pauses for a moment, looking at the man. He points at him and mouths the word "You?" and laughs. His gaze returns to the entryway in the back.]     Now, Kowalski... I ain't out here ta sugarcoat things. You don't     like me. I don't like you. I ain't plannin' on leavin' that ring     without a few more o' these. [Thunder rips off the bandage on his forehead, exposing the stitches. A slight stream of blood seeps out and trickles down his brow, ignored by the cowboy.]     But you... you shouldn't plan on leavin' that ring as champeen. Hell, you shouldn't plan on leavin' that ring _conscious_, never mind as a champeen. This time... it's fer real. This time I'm puttin' ya out fer good. An' if I don't... if I can't beat you... [Thunder's smile disappears.]     ...then I'll leave the IIWF. [A collective gasp goes through the crowd at the shocking statement just made by Brody Thunder.]     No tricks. No gimmicks. No masked returns. You beat me...     ...I'll walk. [Stunned silence from the assembled fans!]     I've had ol' Spreadbury incorporate a standard "loser leaves town" stipulation into the contract. It says that if you beat me, then fer the next sixty days, I can't wrestle, announce or appear at an IIWF card or event. It's plain an' simple. All ya gotta do is put my shoulders ta the mat fer three seconds.     But... I'm tellin' ya right now... ya ain't gonna do it. That's not bein' cocky, Kowalski. That's bein' confident. Not over-confident.     Jus' plain confident. I've proved I can beat ya man-to-man. An'     at Snow Brawl I'm gonna prove one more thing, ace. I'm gonna prove that the toughest man in this business _ain't_ "the Fury," Steve Kowalski.     It's Brody Thunder. [Big pop once more! The fans awake from their daze and resume chanting and cheering the names of their heroes, now louder than ever.]     I jus' got one question fer ya, amigo, an' I want ya ta think about it _real_ hard, 'cuz yer gonna need an answer after January 17th, my friend. A question I'm sure you've already pondered. Jus' a simple question. Kowalski... [Thunder turns and gets extremely close into the lens of the ringside camera.]     ...whadja think ya'd do... after ya were thru wrestlin'? [An evil grin crosses Thunder's face as he drops the mic to the mat and exits the ring, the theme from "High Plains Drifter" once again kicking in over the PA. As the crowd once again rises to its collective feet in conflicting chants of "Skull-pump! Skull-pump!" and "Thun-der! Thun-der!", cut to the broadcast table at ringside, at which are seated Tim Dross, wearing his traditional IIWF blazer, and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, who wears his leather jacket over a t-shirt that reads, "I Went To The EMWC PPV -- And I Didn't Even Get This Lousy T-Shirt."] TD: Howdy, folks, and welcome to what is already shaping up to be another blockbuster edition of IIWF Saturday Night! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me, as ever, is my broadcast colleague and tag team partner, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts -- and what an announcement to kick off the show tonight, Steve Roberts! SR: Well, slap my thighs and tickle my toes, baby dolls. Thunder's the next guy to take the one-way train to those bush feds in Hicksville, Rhode Island. I can hear it now, Dross -- a Skullpump, three little slaps of flesh against canvas... a ringing noise... and the skid of tired little feet as the cowboy tries to avoid the door hitting him on the way out. TD: Starting a little earlier than usual tonight, Steve Roberts? SR: Aw, you know me, Dross. The Soundbite can go all night long. All I'm saying, Dross, is that in seven days, we're gonna have a new IIWF World Champion -- and Brody Thunder is gone for the next sixty. TD: Well, this capacity crowd here tonight -- we've been turning them away all afternoon, folks, it's standing room only, and the Coliseum is just jumping tonight -- is apparently evenly split in its support of Thunder and Kowalski. This blood feud between these two men has developed into one of _the_ rivalries in this great sport... and I have to wonder how one match, one more match next Saturday night, live in Honolulu, Hawaii, is going to settle these scores. SR: Isn't this about the time you remind the morons to call their local cable operators to order Snow Brawl, Dross? TD: Indeed it is, Steve Roberts. Folks, we're expecting to hear from Steve "the Fury" Kowalski later tonight -- we'll get his reaction to this bombshell announcement from Brody Thunder -- but we have so much more coming your way over the next one hundred and twenty minutes as we gallop headlong towards Snow Brawl. [The shot cuts to a still montage of Chris Quigley and Steve Manning facing "Sychosys" Joe Petrow and "Mr. Majestyk" Maurice McArthur.] TD: [voice over] Don't forget our huge main event tonight, folks -- it's a tag team encounter featuring four men who will clash in two submission matches in just seven days at Snow Brawl. Chris Quigley and Joe Petrow are set to lock it up in Hawaii -- and so are Steve Manning and Maurice McArthur. But tonight, it's Team Sychosys against Quigley and Manning... and it's going to be a blast. SR: What's with this video thing, Dross? My monitor's got a picture of Quigley on it -- the morons want to see the Soundbite, Dross! Is this in my contract? [Cut to another montage, now featuring Duncan Macbeth and Timothy N. Turner facing the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi and Ronnie Paris.] TD: [voice over] Possibly the most intriguing match ever on an IIWF Saturday Night in prospect later tonight, as newly-crowned Intercontinental Champion Duncan Macbeth teams with long-time friend, Cruiserweight Champion Timothy N. Turner, to face a most unexpected tag team in the shape of Takezo Musashi and Ronnie Paris. What makes this match so unusual is the fact that should Turner or Macbeth be pinned by either of their opponents -- the titles will change hands! SR: But can Soundbite Special Forces member Ronnie Paris and the Cantonese guy work together, Dross, just seven days before they clash in a ladder match at the pay-per-view? TD: If they want to stand a chance at the gold here tonight, that's _exactly_ what they're going to have to do. Paris and Musashi hate each other with a passion -- but will they be able to put it aside in pursuit of championship glory? Plus the question is: which is the more important to Macbeth and Turner -- friendship, or championships? We could see another relationship put under a great deal of stress here tonight, Steve Roberts. SR: My relationship with this damned cowboy organisation is getting pretty damned stressed, Dross. Hey, Producer -- put me back on my monitor! [Cut back to a shot of the broadcast table at ringside. Roberts brightens as he realises his wish has been granted, and fans behind the announce table begin to clamour to get in shot once more.] TD: Those are our headline matches here tonight, folks -- and you can add to that the return to the ring of the veteran Mad Dog Watkins, as he faces Serge Annis. SR: Aw, Dross -- the bookermen must be nuts. Annis and Watkins... who the heck are the L'il Soundbiters supposed to cheer for? Apart from me, of course. TD: Serge Annis has been on a tremendous roll as of late -- and any remaining questions about the fitness of Mad Dog Watkins will be answered tonight. Plus, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare, who will square off against long-time friend Marty Warnett at Snow Brawl, tonight goes up against the impressive "To Excess" Rick Williams. We also have a tremendous six-team tag team match, pitting six of the partnerships who will face off in next week's Tag Team Battle Royal against each other in one fall action here tonight! SR: So many gay guys, Dross, so little time. Thank god. TD: And not only are the Intercontinental and Cruiserweight titles on the line tonight -- in just a moment, we will kick off the action with the IIWF World Tag Team Champions, the Lost Boyz, defending against the cohesive combination of IIWF veterans, Tony Starks and the Subway Psycho. SR: We all know who the gay guy is in that team, Dross. TD: Really? Who, Steve Roberts? SR: Dakota Bundy. Damn, I miss those ugly guys. TD: On top of all that, we have tag team action featuring Lord Byron and Deathbringer going up against two of the hottest properties in the IIWF right now, the Meatman and Luke Steele -- and a big Triple Threat match pitting Shadoe Rage, Harlequin Tragedy, and Edmund Fitzgerald up against one another. It's going to be quite a night -- so let's get up to the ring for our opening match, with the tag titles up for grabs! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Lost Boyz vs. Tony Starks & Subway Psycho ....................................................................... WRITER: Andre Dec [Sparkplug Lee enters the ring wearing a black tuxedo and a Pittsburgh Steelers hat. The fans are split in their cheers/boos as he takes the mic:] SL: Ladies and gentlemen... are you ready? [Before anyone else can respond, the entire group of L'il Soundbiters stands up and bellows "NO!" to the amusement of the crowd. Sparky looks redder than ever as he retakes the mic, clearing his throat to the laughter of the crowd:] SL: Erm... how about now? [Wild loud raucous cheers from the jam-packed Coliseum.] SL: Then, without any further ado... [One Soundbiter stands up, yells "Ado!" and is quickly pelted by all manner of rubbish. Comic pop, with the Army of Soundbiters laughing hardest of all.] SR: Morons. Gotta love those morons. SL: Let's start this off with a bang! Our first matchup is for the... [Crowd erupts into boos as Scott "The Whine" bloom dashes to the ring.] TD: What the hell is this? SR: Sparky vs. Whine. Two falls, no standing eight count... [Bloom takes the mic to a chorus of LOUD boos from the crowd.] SWB: Okay, all I've been hearing this past week.... [Boos get louder.] SR: Probably boos. TD: But his mom loves him anyway. SR: She boos the loudest, Dross. SWB: All I have heard is how big this card is... if it's so big, why      aren't I on it, hmm? [The "L'il Soundbiters" bellow in unison: "YOU SUCK!" Crowd laughter pop!] TD: Not witty, but apt. SWB: So I say to myself, "self," since I always address myself... SR: As long as he doesn't undress himself within fifty miles of me... SWB: I'm gonna introduce this first match... because it is my God given right, and if you don't like it, you can just suffer... I've had to put up with all sorts of indignities, and I won't take it any more. You got a problem with that? [Sparky shrugs, mouthing, "Knock yourself out." The Whine, stunned to get his way, smiles widely:] SWB: Introducing first... the challengers. From the Subways of New York and Staten Island, New York City, weighing in at a combined weight of 524lbs... the team of the Subway Psycho and Tony Starks! [Big pop for the Psycho and Starks as the lights drop, plunging the Coliseum into darkness. A single white dot in the centre of the video wall above the entrance curtain pierces the black, and it rapidly grows, along with the low rumble of an approaching subway train. As the white light engulfs the video screen, Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" kicks in over the PA, and a volley of fireworks erupts over the aisle as the Psycho and Starks step out into the aisle.] TD: Just a few weeks ago, Steve Roberts, these men were rivals, but following two big tag team wins, they're riding the tide of the fans' favor and loving the cheers. SR: Why would these two want to give up their singles careers for tag     teaming? Always figured Starkers to be a bit more butch than that. TD: Dave Bacon seems to think you're wrong. SR: Yeah, like I'm going to be told I'm wrong by a guy named after a piece of pork ass? I don't think so. SWB: And their opponents... from way down South... accompanied by their lovely manager, Jeandra... they weigh in at a total combined weight of 628lbs... Alex Porteaux and Eddie Ramos... The IIWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... THE LOST BOYZ! [Loud boos as the curtains part, quickly turning to wolf whistles as Jeandra appears in what is literally a fifty dollar dress. A miniskirt with loosely separated silver dollars, like chainmail, covers her essentials... but not enough to cover the fact that she's wearing red lace undies and nothing above. The hoots and hollers of the largely male crowd turn to boos as she passes and her protegés, the former Damage Inc., walk to ringside. ] TD: Jeandra making a fashion statement tonight... SR: Yeah... "Hey Soundbite, need a few bucks?" TD: You are incorrigible. SR: Nah. Just available. [Whine is slow to leave the spotlight as Tony Starks gets set to square off against Alex Porteaux to begin the match... camera cuts to a closeup shot of Jeandra, who, noticing the camera, leans forward, showing her ample cleavage which remains only BARELY covered as she addresses the folks at home.] J: The best team in the IIWF. TD: What do you think, Steve? SR: Best pair I've seen since Cindy Margolis stopped by... [The bell rings, and Starks is quick to lock up with Porteaux, hooking his leg and rolling him quicky into a small package. The crowd erupts as the referee almost hits three before Porteaux kicks out.] TD: Quick move by Starks, one of the best young talents in the IIWF. SR: Young talent, old vet. He's compiled a hell of a rep here in the league of champions. TD: Can you believe that Snow Brawl is only a week away? Are you as excited as I am? SR: If I were any more excited you could do chinups on my nipples. TD: [pausing] I'll pass, thanks. SR: Cindy never complained. All night long, baby dolls! [Meanwhile in the ring, Starks and Porteaux have locked up once more, this time, with starks turning an armbar on the Cajun superstar. Porteaux reverses it quickly, only to be met by a short clothesline from Starks, who pumps to a ROARING crowd.] SR: These two make for a good team, but honestly, why would they bother     entering the tag scene? It's so stagnant! TD: I disagree. SR: Look, I admit the Lost Lunches are alright...but what else you got?     Licensed for Extinction, the AbFabs, Down Syndrome/Damaged Goods, and HOW could I forget Moose and Squirrel? TD: Armbar takedown by Starks, and he's wrenching away at Porteaux's right arm here... Steve Roberts, you never offer credit where it's due. SR: Do so. I compliment you when you get in the odd one-liner... [Porteaux has managed to work his way to his feet, but is dragged into the corner by Starks and a quick tag to the Subway Psycho, who slingshots himself into Porteaux's exposed midsection. Psycho then takes up the armbar and throws Porteaux into the ropes... and is hit by a crossbody in return. The crowd reacts as Psycho kicks out on two, and Porteaux rakes his eyes on the way to his feet.] TD: The Lost Boyz mounting their first real offense this evening... folks, we have a big card tonight, all leading up to Snow Brawl next week. We are sold out... SR: No, that's that other promotion... you know, the one with the Brandon Lee Lookalike and the guy who looks like your drunken wife beating next door neighbor running around going "Bang". We're Snow Brawl. TD: [sighing] You better call your cable company if you want to see it, there are no seats left in the house! SR: Standing room only! TD: You know, if I wanted to work with Morton... I would have. SR: Spoilsport. [Porteaux, meanwhile, has laid the boots to the Subway Psycho, working over the midsection. Jeandra taps the leg of the mammoth Ramos, and whispers something in his ear. He nods and calls over to Porteaux, who whips the Psycho to the ropes. Ramos, in a nasty double team, grabs the Psycho's head and dives off the apron, garroting the fan favorite on the top rope. The crowd pelts him with rubbish and he yells at a few drunken fans in the front who have the misbegotten opinion that they would stand a chance against this guy in the ring.] TD: More of the same from the Lost Boyz. Who do you think will win the     shot to face them at Snow Brawl? SR: Well, I'd have to say the Rotundos. TD: Size beats all? SR: Women say "Size doesn't matter" but we all know it does. The Predators have a chance... so do the Harlequins, Prophets, and LFD. Because they have fat men you can't easily bump over the top. Down Syndrome, Pretty Boys, and Wong way Machines won't stand a chance. TD: What would you make of a match of the Lost Boyz and the Predators? SR: Bear and Grey Phoenix would get their Injun asses kicked. Hey, an     animal name for Kuyler! Bear and Grey Phoenix, managed by Jackass! TD: Porteaux tags in Ramos, the big man looking as fierce as ever! SR: Jackass and Moose and Squirrel vs. the Vampoids and Jeandra... [Porteaux leaves the ring, dragging the Psycho's head with him... as he stands at the corner, he rams Psycho's head between the turnbuckles into the steel post... Ramos ducks his head and chrages, slamming the back of Psycho's knees and driving him again into the corner post.  He stands up and poses for the fans, who boo loudly, then start chanting "You Suck" over and over again. Ramos just smiles as he locks on a bear hug.] SR: Ramos just dominating the smaller Psycho... TD: This might be too early for this team to... OH MY! [The crowd erupts as Tony Starks enters the ring, tackling Ramos from behind and knocking him to the ground, the Psycho still in the Bearhug... as Starks rolls out quickly, the Psycho starts slamming Eddy Ramos' head over and over again until the hold is released! He rolls quickly to his corner and makes the tag to Starks, but...] TD: Porteaux has him distracted! The Ref didn't see the tag! SR: Starks going mad as he is forced back to the corner by the ref, and Ramos, ever the opportunist, drives him down with a bell ringer piledriver! TD: I'd almost hazard a guess you're excited by this matchup, Steve. SR: Well, not a real tag match anyway.... [The Psycho is pinned, but only for a two count before he kicks out. Ramos throws him into the Boyz corner, where he fires a right hand at Porteaux, kicking Ramos int he gut as he fights back...] TD: This could be an upset here! Sunset flip on the big man... can he get him over? [As evidenced by the groans of the crowd evidence, no he can't... the pin by Ramos sitting on the chest of the Psycho is broken up by a dropkick to the back of his head from Starks, who is flailing wildly at both members of the Lost Boyz.] SR: All four men now in the ring, and the Psycho is back up, standing toe to toe with Porteaux... well, sorta... at least he's standing... TD: Ramos squashes Starks in the corner... looks like they're going for the collision mid-ring... [Ramos is reversed as he is thrown to the middle of the ring, while Porteaux easily throws the Psycho, following quickly. Ramos catches the Psycho and boosts him up, while a leaping Porteaux bulldogs him down. Ramos with the cover as Starks climbs the ropes.] SR: I don't get it! Porteaux leaving the ring! TD: He's just standing there with Jeandra, watching... [Starks leaps with an elbow to break the pin, but...] TD: Ramos rolls to the side! Starks hit his own partner! [Starks, who has rolled close to the ropes, tries to get up to break the pin, but the stationary Porteaux grabs his legs while the ref makes the count: 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SR: And the titles stay one more week in the hands of the Lost Boyz... TD: Tough outing here for Starks and the Psycho, as the Lost Boyz make their way back to the dressing rooms... looks like Starks is yelling at the Psycho... and the Psycho looks none too happy either. SR: Two singles men... adequate, but not a match for the IIWF Gay Champions... TD: That's IIWF World Tag Team Champions, Steve Roberts. SR: Whatever. TD: Well, as you know, folks, next week at Snow Brawl, those belts will be on the line against whichever team triumphs in the wild tag team battle royal in the Aloha Stadium. Every single team in the IIWF will be in that match -- and up next, six of those teams will be in a big tag team encounter, which may well go some way to showing just who could come out on top in that battle royal next week. Let's get up to the ring! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Natural Predators, Prophets of Rage & Harlequins |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| vs. Down Boys, Fabulous Ones & Licensed for Devastation ....................................................................... WRITER: Mike Beeby [Sparkplug glances up from his copy of tonight's program, and sees the empty ring.  He panics, and stands up flustered at having forgotten to do his job.  In his haste to re-enter the ring, he falls flat on his face courtesy of a fan in the front row having tied his shoes together.  Lee tries to untie the knot, but decides to cut his losses and takes both shoes off, entering the ring in sock feet.] TD: It would appear that our faithful announcer is having a few problems this evening. SR: You ever known Sparky not to have problems?  I hope Poutine does his job for once and escorts that little fat punk kid outta here.  He shouldn't be allowed to mess with Sparky like that. SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a special twelve man tag team matchup!  Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 625 pounds, accompanied to the ring by Kuyler Greyson, Bear and Grey Pheonix... THE NATURAL PREDATORS! [The crowd goes wild as "Destination Eschaton" by the Shamen echoes out of the PA system in the Coliseum.  Bear and the Grey Pheonix come out first, followed by their manager behind them.  Each man takes a side of the aisle and shakes hands as they walk to the ring, the first of six teams in this match.] SL: Their partners, accompanied to the ring by Medusa Rage and Pizzazz, the team of the Dirt Dog Unique Allah and Derek Rage... THE PROPHETS OF RAGE! ["Snakes" by Ol' Dirty Bastard, the music for the Dirt Dog, starts up, and the demeanor of the crowd instantly changes, the Prophets of Rage arriving to a raucous heel pop.  They largely ignore the crowd, and for once seem to be all business as they come out to the ring, even Allah.] SL: And finally, their partners, accompanied by Harlequin Melody, at a total combined weight of 608 pounds, the team of Harlequins Terror and Chaos... THE HARLEQUINS! [The Harlequins receive a mixed response from the crowd, but it leans towards more cheers when Melody leads her team to the ring.  "Mathematics of Chaos" by Killing Joke fills the IIWF Coliseum, and Terror walks out with Binky the chainsaw in hand.  Comedy and Tragedy also appear with the rest of the Harlequin clan, which draws bigger pops than before.] SL: And now their opponents... First, at a total combined weight of 457 pounds, accompanied by Awesome T, the team of "Ace" Adam Peterson and "Mad Dog" Dan Oliver... THE DOWN BOYS, uh... DAMAGE INC.! ["Down Boys" by Warrant comes over the PA, and the squad of Dan Oliver and Adam Peterson come out dressed in their Damage Inc. garb.  The crowd doesn't believe it's the team formerly known as DI, but cheer nonetheless. The ring is filling up, as now the Down Boys enter the squared circle.] SL: Next, at a total combined weight of 530 pounds, the team of Reggie Starr and Jonathon Chaos... LICENSED FOR DEVASTATION! [A murmur goes through the crowd, as "Down" by 311 begins.  Only Reggie Starr walks down the aisle, as Jonathon Chaos is nowhere to be seen.  He steps into the ring by himself, apparently there to represent LFD by himself.] TD: LFD is only half here tonight, time will tell if this is a move of determination on Reggie Starr's part, or merely stupidity.  The last team is due to arrive, the UWF World Tag Team Champions, the Fabulous Ones. [“Without Warning” by Dokken plays over the intercom.  The fans aren't familiar with this song, and are unsure as to which wrestlers to expect. Then, bursting through the curtains, are Ms. Miki and “Sweet” Sho Satsuma. The crowd lets loose with a pop, the women applauding for Sho and the men for Ms. Miki.  Ms. Miki is wearing a white half shirt with a black leather vest, and tight black jeans, with black heels.  Sho is wearing street clothes as well -- black jeans, boots, black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket with the words “Fabulous Ones” on the back.  They both enter the ring, Sparkplug Lee hands the microphone to Sho.] SS: Ladies, please forgive me, but the Fabulous Ones won't be able to     participate in tonight’s six team square dance.  I’m very sorry!     The reason for this, is that Agito was murdered... [A sad look crosses Sho’s face, as Ms. Miki looks surprised.  A sudden hush falls across the crowd.] TD: [over the headset] Oh my!  What dreadful news! [Sho lifts his head once more, a grin breaking across his face:] SS: He was murdered by J-E-A-L-O-U-S-Y!  [Sho starts laughing     hysterically.]  Right back at ya, Lost Boyz! [Big pop!  Ms. Miki grabs the microphone from Sho.] MM: But seriously, Agito had some car problems and won't be able to make     it here tonight.  Again, our deepest apologies. SR: [over the headset] What, the gay guys don't travel together? TD: [over the headset] Please, Steve Roberts. [Ms. Miki hands the microphone to Sparkplug Lee, and with Sho holding open the ropes, they both exit the ring, when the video wall at the head of the aisle springs to life.  In the back of the locker rooms, dressed in their wrestling outfits -- black trunks and vest, grey fedoras, and sunglasses -- are the Machines.  Simon is screaming at Poutine Janois, and Paul is trying to keep O'Neal from getting into Janois' face.] SO: [to Janois] It makes perfect sense!  We should have been wrestling     somewhere on the card anyway.  If my idiotic partner hadn't screwed     up the paperwork... PW: Try again.  This was your mess. SO: Who cares?  The point is, we should have been wrestling SOMETIME     this week.  Instead, everyone has to see the Japanese street     hustlers and the Down with Drug Boys try to wrestle -- emphasis on     _try_ -- twice.  What happened?  Did Miki give you her "special     discount" offer to screw us over?  And now one of them is even too     dumb to get to the match on time! PW: ENOUGH, Simon. [Shakes his head, then looks at Poutine].  Look, he's     got a point.  If the Fabulous Ones can't -- or won't -- wrestle,     then you ought to let us take their place.  If nothing else, it     gives the other team a fair chance. SO: Fair?  Try a better chance.  Us instead of the overmuscled     pretty-as-a-flower and just as smart Fabulous Ones?  Damn straight. [Sho slides back into the ring and grabs the microphone from Sparkplug Lee, and faces the video wall.] SS: Wait, wait, wait... Janois, if you think for a minute that I’m going     to let those two jobbers take the Fabs' place in this match, you’re     sadly mistaken.  I’m better than both of them by myself.  Hell, I     can beat any one of the other five teams in this thing by myself,     and will. [Sho slams the microphone down, then takes off his jacket and shirt and hands them over the ropes to Ms. Miki.  The women in attendance give a cheer as Sho undresses.] SO: Yeah, go ahead and strip.  After Snow Brawl, you'll need the money.     [turns to Poutine] And if you think you can handle even one of us,     you are as dumb as Bertha was. PJ: All right, tha' enough from both of ya'll.  Seeings 'ow one of de     Fabulous Ones ain't 'ere, and both teams need six men per side, I'm     going to fill tha' spot in. [The Machines exchange a high-five.] PJ: BUT... since one of de Fabulous Ones _is_ 'ere, I'm going to let him     wrassle.  An' 'is parner is going to be... you. [Everyone shuts up, as Poutine points straight at Paul Wong.  Suddenly, the Machines, Ms. Miki, and Sho, all explode as everyone starts arguing at once.] PJ: ENUFF!  Tha' my ruling, and tha' the final word.  Got it? [The jumbotron goes off.  Sho and Ms. Miki confer with each other over the new situation.  Sho walks over to the broadcast table.] SR: Oh no, here comes one of those gay guys. [Sho picks up the extra headset and muscles his way into the camera shot.] SS: I want to go on record and say that I’m not at all happy about this.     I’m tired of the IIWF’s treatment of the best tag team in this     league. SR: Oh, me too, big guy.  It's horrible the way the Barnacle Brothers     keep getting passed over for title shots. TD: Please, Steve Roberts. SS: I am, however, going to make the best of this.  I’ll get in that     ring with Paul Wong in my corner, and I’m going to show the Double     Eye that I’m as good as I say I am.  And, call our new tag team     combination The Untouchables, since all the other teams want to name     themselves after movies... Lost Boyz... High Plains Drifters... [Sho starts to take off his headset, but stops and says a few more words.] SS: One last thing, Roberts!  If you’re such a big man, let's see if you     can party like it.  Tonight after the show.  There’ll be tons of     girls, including Ms. Miki, and lots of alcohol.  It’s a challenge to     you, “Soundbite”.  Who can out party who -- [Sho points at Roberts]     you, the singer of fine music... or the Fabulous Ones? [Sho drops the headset and prepares for the match, as “Welcome to the Machine” by Pink Floyd plays and Paul Wong makes his way to ringside without Simon O’Neal.  Once Paul gets there he and Sho flash each other intense looks.  Ms. Miki walks between them and talks with both.] SR: "Who can out party _whom_," ya pansy!  Jeez, Dross, don't they teach     these guys anything in school these days? TD: Are you going to take Mr. Satsuma up on his offer, Steve Roberts? SR: Are you kidding me?  All those gay guys, all those stuffed posing     pouches, all that oil... makes my head spin, my stomach churn and my     feet walk, Dross.  Reminds me of Quigley's home videos... TD: [interrupting] That's enough, Steve Roberts.  Okay, we have a match,     folks! [The bell rings, and the ring becomes a battleground instantly as all six teams leap into action.  The referee is tossed from the ring almost instantly, the rules obviously not on anyone's minds.  Bear and Grey Pheonix of the Natural Predators grab a hold of Dan Oliver and start to beat him down with punches to the gut and head simultaniously.  As this is going on, Sho Satsuma and the Dirt Dog Unique Allah start to exchange shots, standing toe to toe.  Unique's partner, Derek Rage, tangles with Reggie Starr, the lone member of Licensed for Devastation, but soon finds himself doubleteamed as Starr is surprisingly backed up by Paul Wong of the Machines.  The Harlequins stick together as Adam Peterson is nailed with a double clothesline from the 'Quins, and then is kicked repeatedly in the ribs by Chaos and Terror.] SR: We got an old-fashioned slobberknocker goin' on, Dross! TD: That's my line, Steve Roberts. SR: So sue me. TD: Well, nevertheless, there is no way the referee can keep up with it. SR: He's tryin' though, look at him try to get back in there! [Soundbite watches as the referee attempts to slip back into the ring, and inadvertantly takes a knee to the face] Better luck next time, pal! [The Harlequins grab Peterson and throw him out to the floor, then exit the ring and proceed to doubleteam him further, hotshotting him on the guardrail and then going back to work on the ribs.  Peterson's partner, Dan Oliver, sees this going on and ducks a double elbowsmash from the Predators to leap over the top rope onto Terror.  This even things up a little, as the 'Quins and Down Boys/Damage Inc. brawl out on the arena floor.  Inside the ring the partners change as the Predators now lock up with the members of the Prophets of Rage, and Sho Satsuma takes Reggie Starr to the mat with a waistlock tackle.  Sho grabs the legs of the LFD member and applies a scorpion deathlock, while Paul Wong drops several knees into the back of Starr's head.  His partner in the Machines, Paul Wong, watches on from ringside, shaking his head in disbelief.] TD: I don't think we'll be getting an official word on this match, it's just too chaotic to try and label a winner right now. SR: Maybe so, but it's still a hell of a match.  I'd take this over anything with Chrissy Quigley any day of the week. TD: Speaking of any day of the week, will "IIWF Classics" with the Soundbite be returning any time soon? SR: Don't start with me, Dross. [Bear picks Wong up in a bodyslam and drives him into the mat, and the Grey Pheonix takes advantage with a legdrop from the second turnbuckle.  Sho releases the scorpion deathlock from Starr and goes over to help his partner for the evening, which draws mixed pops from the crowd.  Sho grabs Bear and tries to pull him back into the corner, but has an irish whip reversed and goes in hard shoulder-first.  Sho dodges a splash in the corner, and tries for a rollup from behind on Bear, but the referee isn't even close to being able to make a count.  Pheonix grabs Sho and places him in a bearhug, while Paul slowly gets to his feet and regains his senses. Outside, Terror has overcome the onslaught of Dan Oliver and is choking him out, but Harlequin Chaos is locked in a sleeperhold by Adam Peterson. Desperate to get out of the submission hold, Chaos throws himself and Peterson over the barrier and into the crowd, both men laying there for a few minutes before trying to stand and get back into the match.] SR: God bless that referee, he's tryin' again... [The referee tries to walk up the ringsteps this time and tries to slip through the ropes, but Bear crashes into him and sends him rocketing to the floor again.] SR: ...and again we have takeoff and crash landing.  Poor shmuck. TD: Pay attention to what's going on inside the ring for a change, Steve. Sho is quickly going out like a light from that bearhug -- oh my, savate kick from Paul Wong releases the hold in short order!  And would you look who's coming out to say hello, it's the Lost Boyz!  They're standing in the aisle, looking at the carnage that is going on. SR: Can you blame them?  As tag champions, they're hunted by everybody else in the tag team division.  And with just about every one of     those teams out here beating the hell out of each other, that makes their job just a little easier. [The Dirt Dog and Derek Rage begin to pound on everyone else inside the ring, their own partners as well as the men against them in the match. Allah grabs Bear and gives him a low blow before dropkicking the knee out from under him, and then catches Wong with a kneelift/headbutt combination. Derek Rage, the seven footer, grabs the heads of Reggie Starr and Sho Satsuma, cracking them together before going after the Grey Pheonix and wrapping his hands around his throat.  A choke lift, which sends the Pheonix into the corner for a running elbowsmash.  Outside the ring the Harlequins and Down Boys continue to battle, but Terror soon throws Peterson back into the ring and follows, eager to continue their brawl.  He picks Adam Peterson up and prepares for a powerbomb, but Peterson turns it into a frankensteiner to the mat and a cradle, but again the referee is nowhere near the action.] TD: Another pinfall, but this match is degenerating into a free for all! The Prophets of Rage have turned on everyone but themselves, it's truly a preview of the battle royal we can expect at Snow Brawl. SR: And there's the World Champs, looking on as proud as peacocks.  Wait, some chick is coming out to the ring, and damn she's hot! TD: Here comes Lady Bertha, an announcer for the AEWA as well as the current girlfriend to Sho Satsuma, if I'm not mistaken. SR: More importantly, the ex-chick of O'Neal. [Lady Bertha walks to the ring and stands next to Ms. Miki, cheering on Sho as the Fabulous One is being taken to task by the improvised combo of Harlequin Terror and Unique Allah.  Just as they each realize they're working together, Terror leaps and catches the Dirt Dog with a lariat that spins him 360 degrees into the air.  Bear is beginning to work back to his feet, and the first person that he comes into contact with is Paul Wong, who hurls himself at the Predator with a cross bodyblock.  Bear catches him and heaves him to the floor in one motion, landing at Bertha and Miki's feet.  Before Paul can get up, Simon O'Neal darts down the aisle past the Lost Boyz and begins to taunt Ms. Miki, then spins Lady Bertha around and plants a liplock on her.  Sho becomes aware of the incident when Simon continues to plant that kiss on Bertha, who struggles to get away but can't.  Sho is angered and leaps through the ropes at Simon with a suicide dive, sending the two men to the floor.  Paul Wong tries to break up the scuffle, but is unsuccessful as all three men begin to head up the aisle towards the champions.] SR: Quite a scene, isn't it, Dross? TD: I certainly hope this type of match won't be repeated, it still hasn't officially started as far as I know. SR: Damn straight, that's what makes it fun. [Sho throws Paul Wong to the floor, and then whips Simon in the direction of the ring from where he's standing.  It's a good seven feet, and by the time Simon gets there, he successfully stops himself from injury.  Sho doesn't realize it though and runs towards him with an avalanche into the side of the ring, but Simon connects on an elbowsmash that stuns Sho. Simon rolls him back into the ring unconscious, and Bear from the Natural Predators grabs him and hooks a leg.  Kuyler Greyson picks the referee up and dusts him off, then directs him to the pin attempt by Bear.  The referee, dazed as he is, slaps the mat three times from out on the floor, and motions for the bell to be rung.] TD: What?  A pinfall, is there actually a winner? [The referee converses with Sparkplug for a few seconds, and then the announcer makes the call.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of this match as a result of a pinfall... The teams of THE NATURAL PREDATORS, THE PROPHETS OF RAGE AND THE HARLEQUINS! [The match officially over, the Lost Boyz turn on their heels and walk out, soon followed by the Machines.  Sho is pulled out of the ring by Ms. Miki and Lady Bertha, and together they manage to support him as he walks back to the locker rooms with a big headache.  Inside the ring, the Natural Predators and Prophets of Rage finish beating on their opponents and roll to the floor, joined by the squad of Harlequins.  Each team seems to tell the others that their alliance is truly over, and begin a six man brawl that heads clear back to the entrance, and they disappear to the crowd's cheering.  Reggie Starr exits the ring and heads directly to the crowd, leaving the Down Boys inside the ring.  Awesome T helps his men up and walks out, the final team hearing the cheers from the crowd on a match well fought.] TD: After all of that, what else is there to see tonight? SR: Quigley gets his face pounded in... The Fury answers Thunder's challenge... table dancing at the Beaver Trap. TD: That's quite enough, Steve Roberts. [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: Well, folks, that match was almost a battle royal in itself -- but don't forget that in just seven days' time, live from the Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii, every team in the IIWF -- and I am led to believe that this will indeed include partnerships like the Barnacle Brothers and the Rotundos, making their pay-per-view debut -- will be in one ring for a wild, wild tag team battle royal match, the winner of which will go on to face the IIWF World Tag Team Champions later in the same evening. SR: Don't forget Crazy Joe, Dross. Crazy Joe and Quadruple M are gonna be in that battle royal. TD: Indeed, both members of Team Sychosys have elected to do double duty next Saturday Night: Petrow will be wrestling Chris Quigley, and Maurice McArthur has the questionable honour of facing Steve Manning on the Free For All. Incredible action, just seven days away! Up next, we have a triple threat match featuring three men who will be team-mates in Snow Brawl's Lethal Lottery next weekend -- all three men are former World Tag Team Championship co-holders, and they've developed quite a rivalry here in the past few weeks. Let's get up to the ring! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Shadoe Rage vs. Tragedy vs. Edmund Fitzgerald ....................................................................... WRITER: Mike Sonby [Sparkplug Lee takes his place in the centre of the ring, microphone in hand.] SL: The next match is a triangle contest.  The first contestant, weighing 280 pounds and hailing from Rogers City, Michigan, one half of Cold Spell... here is Edmund Fitzgerald! [As Gordon Lightfoot plays over the speakers, the mammoth man walks down the aisle.  He ignores both the cheers and the boos of the fans, as well as several fish thrown towards him.  He carries a large oar over his shoulders as he enters the ring.] TD: Here is the first of the three men in this match... three men who, ironically enough, will be partners at the big Snow Brawl Pay-Per-View. Order now! SR: Enough shilling, Dross.  We've got three men who've seen the light!  They once were stuck in tag teams, but are free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty they are free at last! TD: Martin Luther Soundbite, ladies and gentlemen.  SL: His opponent hails from Sleepy Hollow, Illinois, and weighs 220 pounds... here is Harlequin Tragedy! ["#1 Crush" by Garbage blares out, but no sign of Tragedy.  Sparkplug waits for a moment, then shrugs his shoulders.] TD: I wonder where Tragedy is.  You would think after his comments yesterday, he would be eager to enter the ring with these two rivals. SR: Tragedy always was the smart one of the team... of course, given his partner, that's not saying much.  But anyone who goes home to Comedy every night has some brains in his head.  Maybe he just decided to take the night off. SL: And the final contestant hails from Halifax, Nova Scotia and weighs 248 pounds.  Here is "Savage" Shadoe Rage! [The Death March plays, and a spotlight shines... in the audience. Sitting on a raised throne is Shadoe Rage.  Marissa Monet is by his side.  He stares coldly at the ring, then calmly gets up and starts walking through the crowd.  Another shower of fish are thrown at the wrestlers, but Shadoe stops, draws a finger across his throat, then points to one side of the audience.  More items are thrown towards both him and the ring...] TD: Oh my... it's steak!  Shadoe Rage has changed from fish to steak this week! SR: Surf 'n' Turf, baby!  Shadoe's gonna to make dinner, and he likes his meat RAW! TD: [under his breath] Wrong choice of words, Soundbite. SR: Hey, we could have the Meatguy out here any moment. Bring out the Meatguy! [Rage finally crosses the guardrail and into the ring, where a fuming Fitzgerald greets him with a series of forearm shots.  Fitzgerald whips Rage into the corner, then follows up with an avalanche slam.  He lifts Rage up for a gorilla slam, but an eyerake by Rage stops him, and the "Savage" one follows up with an axehandle, a bodyslam, and a blantant choke, only releasing at the four and a half count.  He continues his assault with a DDT, then throws him out of the ring, where Fitzgerald is again pelted with fish, along with some of Rage's steak.] TD: This match is already starting to break down in the first minute. Rage is following him outside, and both men have shown that they will use anything to win a match.  And where is Tragedy? SR: That's easy, Dross.  We've got steak, we've got fish... and Tragedy's the chicken.  It's a regular smorgasborg in there! [Rage grabs a chair, and prepares to waffle Fitzgerald with it. Fitzgerald spies a soda, grabs it, and blinds Rage with it, then takes the chair and cracks it over Rage's head.  He then lifts Rage into a gutwrench suplex onto the cement floor, and drops a knee acorss his head.  Marissa then jumps on Fitzgerald from behind, raking his eyes.  It's a distraction for Edmund, but one that proves costly, as Rage nails Fitzgerald with a low blow, then with a clothesline.] SR: It's a good thing D'Amato's the ref for this match.  Any of those other pansy referees would have stopped this thing, but D'Amato knows better than to stop a good fight. TD: What in the world? [Tim Dross is talking about Harlequins Chaos and Terror, who are carrying a rowboat on their shoulders.  Marissa's shouts alert Shadoe, who re-enters the ring and calls out the Harlequins.  Fitzgerald slowly gets up and re-enters the ring, nailing Shadoe from behind with a back suplex. Rage bounces back up, and the two start to trade fists as Chaos and Terror approach the ring.] SR: What do they expect to do?  A nice chorus of "Row, row, row your boat" by the other men in the ring? TD: Rage for the first chorus, Fitzgerald for the second.  But Fitzgerald and Rage are too occupied to really concentrate on the Harlequins... who throw the rowboat through the ropes into the ring! [NOW Fitzgerald and Rage stop... and are shocked as Tragedy hops out of the Rowboat, with a grin and a... net?] TD: He throws the net over Shadoe Rage! SR: Fish, rowboats, nets... that does it.  The Barnacle Brothers are a VERY bad influence over everyone around here. [Tragedy starts pounding on Rage, who is trying to untangle himself from the net.  Tragedy, in turn, is caught from behind by Fitzgerald, who picks up the Harlequin, then slams him on top of the rowboat.  As Tragedy winces in pain, Fitzgerald bounces off the ropes, and splashes both Tragedy and the Rowboat.  A loud noise vibrates through the arena, and a noticable crack forms on the rowboat.] SR: The Rowboat turns on Targedy, Dross!  We've got betrayal by the boat! TD: Tragedy is hurt badly by those blows on the rowboat, and any advantage he had from his surprise attack just vanished. [Fitzgerald picks up the rowboat and throws it down on Tragedy.  The crack grows wider as the boat lands on the Harlequin.  Fitzgerald then picks up Tragedy, whips him to the ropes, and locks on a bearhug, straining Tragedy's back even more.  Tragedy rings Fitzgerald's ears twice with blows, but Edmund has the bear hug locked on tight.  As Chaos and Terror cheer on their relative, fish and steak are tossed into the ring, followed by...] TD: A potato!  [Then, quieter]  A potato?  Well, I guess we need some starch to go with all this protein. SR: Potato Famine lives, Dross!  Potatoe Famine Lives! [One potato nails Fitzgerald in the back of the head, who turns and sees Melody and Comedy sitting in the seats, handing out potatoes to all of the nearby fans.  He drops Tragedy onto the mat, then points a finger at the managers, making a threatening gesture towards them, only to be nailed by a superkick to the back of the head by Tragedy.] TD: And here comes the third man! [Shadoe Rage, having been forgotten by the others, is finally spotted perched on the top turnbuckle.  With a glleful look in his eyes, he leaps, and performs a screwdriver plancha onto both men, sending everyone crashing to the mat.  Quickly to his feet, Rage picks up Tragedy and throws him outside the ring, opposite of the other Harlequins.  Rage picks up Fitzgerald, and slams him onto the now-overturned rowboat, which finally breaks in half.  He covers for a two-count, then hops to the ropes.  He looks at Fitzgerald, then leaps... and dives right onto Tragedy, who is completley unprepared on the floor.  Both men fall against the steel guardrail as they crash onto the ground.] TD: Rage is a house of fire right now, Steve! SR: He's brought the steak, he's heating it up... and he's devouring the other guys.  But he needs to talk with my pal the Meatman about this steak business. [Fitzgerald sees both of his opponents on the floor.  Knowing to pass up an opportunity, he rolls out of the ring, throws Tragedy into the ring, then enters and splashes him again for good measure.  The referee counts 1...2... kickout!  Fitzgerald pounds the mat in frustration, apparently not noticing Shaode Rage climbing the turnbuckles.  Fitzgerald surprises the former Age of Rage member by picking up Tragedy and whipping him into that turnbuckle, knocking Rage off the turnbuckle and off the ring, crashing into the front row of the fans!] TD: Oh, my!  We might have a few lawsuits after this one. SR: Who cares, baby!  Rage is giving the Soundbite just a little of the excitement I need.  What's a few broken bones by complete strangers in exchange for that? [Rage looks completely out of the action, and Fitzgerald signals for the Shipwreck Slam.  He whips Tragedy into the ropes, picks him up... only to be caught in the throat by a shot from Tragedy.  Fitzgerald drops him, and Tragedy then DDTs Fitzgerald right onto half of the rowboat!  Tragedy follows it up with an elbowdrop that earns a count of two, and then grapevines Fitzgerald's leg, twisting it out of shape.] TD: And Tragedy with a kneebreaker!  He's trying to set up Fitzgerald for the Tragic Ending.  But is he willing to try and injure a man that he teams with in just one week? SR: Dross, have you been watching the match?  Injure, maim, mangle... they've been trying all match long! [Tragedy hops up to the second rope, and with a quick nod to Chaos and Terror outside the ring, drops a leg on Fitzgerald's knee.  He then starts to apply the Tragic Ending, but Fitzgerald shocks him with a cradle for a two-count.  Tragedy then starts to set up for another Tragic Ending, then turns around and applies an Indian Deathlock instead.  Fitzgerald, who was trying to counteract the Ending, wasn't prepared.] TD: There's nowhere for Fitzgerald to go.  Tragedy has that Indian Deathlock locked on in the middle of the ring, and he's worked on the leg for several minutes now.  I think Fitzgerald is finished. SR: Not just yet... [Tragedy forogt about Shadoe Rage, who somehow has recovered enough to go to the top ropes again.  This time, he leaps and bulldogs Tragedy to the mat, forcing Tragedy to release the hold.  This brings Terror towards ringside, causing both the referee and Chaos to stop him from entering the rign.  Rage motions to Marissa, who grabs a chair and table to ringside while the referee is distracted.  He places the chair in the middle of the ring, and delivers A Hammer of God clawhold-slam to Tragedy onto the chair.  He repeats the process with the much larger Fitzgerald, drawing some aprreciative response from the crowd.] TD: Rage has both of them finished!  He just slammed each man's head into the steel chair, and both tragedy and Fitzgerald look unconscious. Both the referee is still dealing with Terror, and can't count the pin. SR: That's all right.  Shadoe can just hurt them some more. [Rage apparently agrees with Soundbite.  He unfolds the table, and sets it up in the middle of the ring.  He picks up Fitzgerald, and sets him on the table, then sets Tragedy on top of Fitzgerald.  He then climbs the ropes, as the cameras takes pictures of Rage and the two men on the table...] SR: Angel of Death!  He's going for the Angel of Death!  Shadoe is giving Soundbite a late Christmas present.  He leaps... TD: Nothing!  They moved!  [Shadoe Rage crashes through the table, and all three men lise among the rubble, Rage between his opponents.  Rage lies on his back, and Tragedy lays an arm across Rage's chest.  The referee starts counting: 1 -- Fitzgerald hears the count, and lays his arm across Rage's chest -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SL: The co-winners of the match... Harlequin Tragedy and Edmund Fitzgerald! TD: Unbelievable!  Somehow, Fitzgerald and Tragedy both moved off the table at the last moment! Maybe one man accidentally helped the other man roll out of harm's way... I couldn't tell. SR: It doesn't matter.  What matters is that Shadoe Rage crashed through that table... HARD.  He willingly sacrifices his body to try and cripple his opponents.  [He sniffles]  It makes me so proud. TD: Rage was outstanding during the match -- but he went to the well once too often, and it backfired on him.  The rest of the Harlequins help Tragedy out of the ring, and they're too occupied with him to even think about Fitzgerald, who is basically defenseless in the ring.  A fine match by all three opponents... and teammates. [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside as Edmund Fitzgerald is helped from the ring.] TD: Well, folks, we have more confrontations between next week's partners up next, as four IIWF superstars not only face men who will be their opponents in just seven days, but also team with one of the men they will face in Lethal Lottery Action next week. SR: Say what, Dross? TD: Next week, at Snow Brawl, Lord Byron will be on a team with Luke Steele facing Deathbringer -- but this week, it's Byron and Deathbringer together as they face Luke Steele, one of Deathbringer's partners next week, and the Meatman, one of Byron's partners. You follow? SR: And this is a tag match, right? TD: Indeed it is. SR: Well, in that case, I don't care. TD: Let's get up to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Lord Byron & Deathbringer vs. |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Meatman & "Real Deal" Luke Steele ....................................................................... WRITER: Ryan Howard [Cut back to the ring and Sparkplug Lee, who stands there, awaiting his cue to read the introductions for the following match.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is for one fall only. [The bleeps of a truck reversing reverberate around the arena, soon to be replaced by the opening of "I Am The Man" by the Philosopher Kings, the music booming loudly over the excited crowd.] SL: First, coming down the aisle at a combined weight of 549lbs, hailing respectively from Cleveland, Ohio, and Emeryville, California, here are... "Real Deal" Luke Steele and, his partner, Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele. [The Steeles slowly make their way down the aisle, Jimmy garbed in a dingy, once white, apron, caked in "blood", carrying with him a slab of the finest of cut beef, strewn with what would appear to be fresh innards, his partner beside him wearing a somewhat more conservative outfit of his red tights, "Steele" adorned down one leg, the both of them recieving a mixed reaction from the crowd.] SR: You know, when I look at the both of these guys, it becomes very apparent to me that Jimmy was the brother that was kept in the attic and fed fishheads daily. TD: Steve Roberts, it's just idle speculation that these two men are in any way related -- they merely share the same surname. Besides, they say that every family has one. SR: Then who the heck is representin' for the Kennedys? [Jimmy and Luke make their way into the ring, sharing words with each other, apparently strategy, as they await their opponents, "Intermezzo" from Karelia Suite by Sibelius signifying the coming of the first.] SL: And the first of their opponents, accompanied by the beautiful Lady DeWinter and weighing 265lbs, from Lancashire, England, Looooord Byron! [The elequently dressed Lady DeWinter makes her way down the aisle beside her man, dressed gorgeously in a silver dress that clings to her like mercury, Byron dressed just as elegantly, the pride and tenacity of a champion resting within his eyes as the crowd cheers his arrival.] SR: Now there walks a man who I would just _love_ to see in a Right Guard commercial. TD: I was kinda hoping "Step by Step"'s Patrick Duffy would do one... but okay. [Byron enters the ring, his eyes falling upon Jimmy and Luke, one soon to be his enemy, one soon to be his ally. The cheers for him are soon cut by "Sythe, Rage and Rose" by Dark Tranquility ripping through the arena.] SL: And his partner, standing 6' 10", weighing 324 lbs, hailing from the Dark Side, Deeeeeeathbringer! [The lights in the arena suddenly drop to nothing, the fans holding their cigarette lighters aloft as the odd camera flash makes the form of Deathbringer apparent as the giant makes his way down the aisle, his scythe held in his hand and cowl over his head, like the oncoming of Death itself.] SR: I don't suppose you saw the "South Park" where... TD: I've never seen that show, Steve Roberts. SR: Okay, well, Kenny, if you're out there, _watch out_. [Deathbringer enters the ring to make the four competitors complete, removing his cowl and giving it along with his scythe to the ring attendant, conversing with Byron as they await the match to start.] TD: There's the bell -- and it looks like we'll have Byron and the Meatman to start it off. [Both men begin a slow circle of each other, glancing to their partners, before locking up hard, Meatman taking an early out with a rake to Byron's eyes. Following up, he begins to lay into Byron with series of fast and furious lefts and rights, combinations of head shots as well as body shots.] SR: Are we at the Tyson/McNealy fight or what? I don't know what kind of strategy that is, but it seems to be working. TD: Yeah, but there's only so much brawling will do for you, because remember, this is wrestling, not boxing. SR: Well, duh, Dross! [Jimmy Steele continues to pound away on Byron, before breaking the rampant fist barrage for a quick scoop slam. Stepping back a bit, he sizes up Byron and then takes a quick step forward and leaps, landing a knee across Byron's forehead. Cutting his writhing of pain, the Meatman pulls Byron up by his locks of hair, laying him back down with three consecutive headbutts.] SR: Was he just _kissing_ Lord Byron? Man, this is like some raunchy seventies porno flick, Dross. TD: How on earth does this match bear any resemblence to a dirty film, Steve Roberts? SR: That somebody with long, blonde hair is getting their ass pounded. Hard. TD: You're despicable. [Jimmy Steele attempts to Irish whip Byron into the turnbuckles, but it is reversed, Byron instead running in and hitting Steele with a hard kneelift, catching him with a faceslam bulldog in a rebound out of the corner. Pulling Steele to his feet, Byron executes a perfect looking reverse neckbreaker, following it with a headscissors submission, Luke Steele coming in and breaking it as quickly as it started with a boot to the base of Byron's head.] SR: Beautiful teamwork on Luke Steele's part. He saw his brother's head being squeezed off, and in the spirit of the Bradys, made the save. TD: But you really have to wonder, Steve, if Byron had kept it on, would he have let go if Jimmy refused to submit, since they will be partners at next weekend's Snow Brawl. SR: Ah, who cares, he coulda broken his neck, it doesn't matter because we can clone now, baby! TD: Yeah, but Clinton is damn close to putting the nail in its coffin. SR: Couldn't you say he did that to Paula Jones, too? [Back in the ring, Byron takes down the Meatman with a consecutive pair of Japanese styled armdrag takedowns. As the Meatman rises the third time, he walks right into the clutches of Lord Byron, who takes him down with a _huge_ belly-to-belly thrown suplex, much to the liking of a loudly popping crowd, moving to tag in Deathbringer afterwards.] TD: Things should heat up, now, since these two are going to have no problem with dismantling each other. SR: Well, Tim, if you ask me, Jimmy Steele is already in pieces after that huge suplex by Lord Byron. [Deathbringer wastes no time in letting Jimmy know someone new is in the ring, hoisting him up and slamming him down with a huge choke slam, the impact causing the Meatman's head to bounce sickeningly upon impact. With little mercy and the approval of the crowd, he does so again, following it up with a huge legdrop. His partner in dire straits, Luke leans over the rope and begins to shout loudly at Deathbringer, his words muffled.] TD: I wonder what he's yelling? I think he's telling him to stop beating on the Meatman, as if their future as partners will rub off some influence on him? SR: No, I'm pretty sure he told him to give Jimmy a wedgie. TD: Jeez, what is it with you and backsides, Steve Roberts? I think we're beginning to see some tension between the teams, here. [As Luke yells, Deathbringer just stares through him, before glancing down to Jimmy, on his hands and knees, and then to the loudly popping crowd. Grabbing Jimmy's left wrist, he drags him to his own corner and slaps his hand over his yelling partner's, Luke's eyes going wide as the crowd explodes.] SR: Oh boy, here we go! We're gonna get to see a fight, now! TD: And was has the past hour of this program been, a cookery show? [Luke climbs in through the ropes, immediately getting up into Deathbringer's face, eye-to-chin, both men conversing with each other. Apparently, Luke talks Deathbringer out of confrontation, the giant of a man stalking back to his corner and tagging a near-awed Byron back in.] SR: Well, at least we know who is leading the team of Luke Steele, Deathbringer, and Christopher Stonebreaker at Snow Brawl. TD: Byron seems awed, he's in the ring and just glancing at Deathbringer. [Which flaws him greatly, Luke Steele's set-up having worked perfectly as he clocks Byron with a hard running forearm, following with a series of stomps to the downed star, laying into him in the center of the ring. Picking up a dazed Byron, he lays him back down with a powerslam, following with a quick elbow-drop to the throat area. Standing back up, he shares a few words with the Meatman before moving to the referee, apparently complaining about something.] TD: I still can't believe Deathbringer followed orders from Luke Steele. But he let him get to him, and then convince him otherwise.. SR: It's like the way a pimp works his bit... I mean, women... and Luke just made Deathbringer cut his rates in half and offer a two-for-one. [As Luke confronts the referee, Byron slowly begins to stands, and is suddenly gasping for air and kicking his feet as the Meatman wraps a taut string of pig intestine about his throat, wrenching the blood and air from his brain. As Deathbringer sees this, he enters the ring, but Luke quickly brings the referee's attention to this, and he intercepts Deathbringer, fighting with him to stay in his corner. Meanwhile, Luke Steele begins to lay into Byron with a series of rights and lefts, plastering him into a pulp.] SR: The brothers Steele have truly awed me with this clever plan of theirs! They are getting damn medieval on Byron, who is helpless against this. TD: And Deathbringer is fighting with the referee, diverting his attention and making it worse! [The crowd suddenly hushes and then comes to life as Byron's and Jimmy Steele's Snow Brawl partner, Charles Scheffield, runs sprints down the aisle, sliding into the ring from under the bottom rope, and wasting no time in connecting an axhandle to the back of Luke Steele's head. Deathbringer pushes the referee aside, who is already signalling for the bell, connecting a huge clothesline across the back of Scheffield's neck. The crowd already wild, they go completely nuts as Christopher Stonebreaker launches in the ring from literally nowhere, a huge brawl ensuing.] SR: Whoo-hah! This is jus' like a rodeo, Dross! There is so much tension in that ring right now that you'd have more breathing room in one of Anna-Nicole Smith's bras than in there! TD: It'd be a lot drier, too! [Amisdt all the madness, clearly and out of nowhere Luke Steele nails Lord Byron with the Floating DDT, grabbing the aristocrats hand and placing it over his own chest, raising three consecutive fingers.] SR: Floating DDT! And he just counted a three for himself! Deathbringer, Jimmy Steele, Stonebreaker, Scheffield, all going at it! This is madness! [Security staff finally make their way to the ring, entering and slowly pulling the cats from the fray, escorting Deathbringer, Luke Steele, and Stonebreaker backstage, Jimmy leaving soon after on his own accord as the referees and Scheffield help Byron to his feet.] TD: Well, folks, the official decision for this match was a double countout. SR: Yeah, but what a match! Look at the tension between these two teams! I could have sworn I saw Deathbringer laying into Stonebreaker with some elbows, and Scheffield connecting fists with Jimmy Steele's skull! TD: Indeed, making this one of the more anticipated of the matches at Snow Brawl, contributing to an already stacked card! Friend vs. Friend, Foe vs. Foe. It's all coming your way in just seven days, folks -- call your local cable operator right now! SR: Jeez, Dross, are you on commission or something?! TD: Folks, we're right out of time here in our first hour -- but we'll be back in a few moments with more incredible action. We'll see the Intercontinental and Cruiserweight Championships on the line, we'll see Serge Annis battle Mad Dog Watkins, we'll see Billy Shakespeare take on "To Excess" Rick Williams, plus our huge main event, all coming up in just a few moments! Don't go away! [Cut to a wide-angle shot of the arena as security ferries the wrestlers away from the ring and back to the locker room area. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+