_  _ __      __ ___                           | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|                           | || | \ v  v / | __|                           |_||_|  \_/\_/  |_|                         __  __      __ _______   __                  |    //_  / | /| //_ /__   / | /__|\__/                  | / //   /  // |//      \ /  //   /  /                  |/|//__ /__//  //_______//__//   /__/                         ___  ___      ___   ________                  |    //__| /__\     /__\  /  //  //|/|                  | / //   //   \    /   \ /  //  // / |                  |/|//   //    /   /    //__//__//    |                  -------------------------------------- The Canyons Resort, Park City, Utah 4 February 1998 [Cut to the rolling vistas of mountainous landscape. Skiers bedecked in brightly-coloured togs glide effortlessly down the snowy slopes, others travelling up to the summit in chairlifts and waving at the cameras. The shot pans down to a large building complex at the foot of the slopes: the Canyons resort. Cut to inside this building, into a large room which apparently serves as a dining room, although it is currently bereft of tables and chairs, instead being set out with an IIWF ring in the centre, and temporary bleachers ranged around it. Sitting in the ring, at a makeshift broadcast table, are Larry Morton and Dave Bacon. Bacon is dressed in a conservative IIWF blazer, as usual, but Larry... Larry is wearing a somewhat absurb skiing outfit, complete with mirror goggles pushed back above his face. Bacon looks at him and shakes his head as the introductory music fades.] LM: Hello there, fans, and welcome to the beautiful mountain slopes of Park City, Utah, site of the Winter Olympics in 2002! We're here in the dining room of the Canyons Resort, one of the premier skiing resorts in the area, and we're having a great time, aren't we, Dave? DB: You look ridiculous, Larry. Even Richard "Moxy" Blue has better dress sense than you. LM: And it's good to be here, too, Dave. Folks, I'm Larry Morton, and beside me is Dave Bacon... who could do with loosening up a little. DB: If loosening up means looking like a confused and colour-blind Amazon parrot after a fight in a paint shop, I'll stay tight, thanks very much, Larry. LM: Fair enough. Folks, we had a tremendous show here in front of a small but appreciative audience of around three hundred fans here at the Canyons earlier this evening, including the debut match of a new IIWF tag team, and the returns to action of no fewer than three IIWF superstars! We also have a shocking turn of events concerning Deathbringer and Tragedy of the Harlequins to relate later in the show -- but for now, let's start with the debut of the American Dragons. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The American Dragons vs. The Rotundos [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [A shot of the IIWF interview area... Joe Scalercio and Bob Ivey, the American Dragons, are standing, arms crossed, wearing black sunglasses and their leather jackets.  Joe's is black, and Bob's is white.] BI: Okay, IIWF... you put us up against two of the biggest wrestlers around. We're talking biggest in terms of SIZE, here... JS: Our first match here... and we're taking on THESE guys?  Jokes, pure     and simple.  Two guys kept around for amusement and entertainment.     But it's okay.  No problem.  We've got dues to pay.... BI: Back up!  I'd rather take on those fish-smelling Barnacle dudes. JS: Hey, it's cool.  Guys... take notice.  We'll take these two tubby     bitches, and ride the wave into Saturday night.  BI: Now, there's something I look forward to!  Tony Starks... Subway Psycho... those are guys I want to wrestle! JS: Take good notes.  This is the birth of a new era here in IIWF. [Bob and Joe turn around, showing their dragon emblems to the camera. Joe's is a green dragon, curled up, while Bob's is a red dragon, wings outstretched.] BOTH: Any Team, Any Time... [Fade through to the highlights package.] Arriving to a moderate reaction from the assembled fans, Joe and Bob's game plan was obvious right from the start: they worked on the knees of the Rotundos: kneebreakers, leglocks, scorpion deathlocks, and many more holds. Within three minutes of the match starting, Rotundo #1 was having difficulty standing -- well, more than usual. The Dragons finished with a virtuoso display of some of their finer double team manoeuvres, as they rocked the two Rotundos in turn with a double straight-arm DDT, followed by Bob executing a drop toe-hold on one Rotundo for Joe to leap off the top rope with an elbow drop. They then turned their attentions back to the other Rotundo, and hit a double face slam -- known as a Dragon Sweep. While Joe kept the other winded Rotundo occupied, Bob made the cover to secure the easy pinfall victory. WINNERS: The American Dragons by pinfall in 4:26. [Cut to Larry and Dave in the ring:] LM: An impressive debut from this new tag team, Dave. DB: Absolutely. I respect this team's work ethic -- no cheating, no frills, just honest to God good tag team wrestling -- but the cynic in me has to wonder just how long that resolution will last. With teams like the wild Prophets of Rage, the underhanded Fabulous Ones, and the weird and wacky partnerships like the Down Boys and Team Sychosys, I wonder whether the Dragons will be able to take that attitude here in the Double Eye? LM: Well, they're facing a very unorthodox duo on Saturday Night in the form of Tony Starks and the Subway Psycho -- and I think they were sending out a message to their opponents in the ring tonight. I can't wait for that match, and I think it'll show us just how willing the Dragons are to adapt when they have to. A bright future in store for this young partnership, I'd say. DB: Absolutely. Although possibly not as bright as your clothing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard vs. El Super Gecko [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Cut to the highlights:] Ryan Howard came out to an ambivalent reaction from the small crowd. He mocked the Gecko's slightly awkward gait as he came to the ring, and certainly seemed to find himself amusing. The Gecko found it less so, and attempted to attack Howard as he entered the ring. A thumb to the eyes saw the Gecko's early momentum halted, however, and Howard quickly took control. Howard rocked the Gecko with powerhouse brawling, backing him into the corner with wicked knife-edge chops, and then mounting the buckles and pounding at the lizard's masked head, much to the delight of the crowd, who counted along in time with the blows. However, the Gecko suddenly grabbed Howard around the waist, came out of the corner... and planted Howard with a kind of modified spinebuster! The Gecko looked to be in control as he went up to the top rope and signalled for his trademark corkscrew moonsault -- but he botched the move horribly as Howard rolled out of the way, and Howard once more took control, blasting the Gecko with a gorilla press, a diving headbutt from the top rope, and then finished things off with his Ragnarok belly-to-back suplex for the pinfall. WINNER: "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard by pinfall in 3:47. [Cut to Larry and Dave in the ring:] LM: Ryan Howard doesn't look to have accumulated any ring rust in the four months since he was put on the shelf by Timothy N. Turner and Duncan Macbeth last September. DB: I spoke to "The Intrepid" back in Portland before we embarked on this tour, and he told me that he's worked very hard on rehabbing that right knee of his. He wears a brace under his right knee pad, but he says it's at least ninety per cent as strong as it was before, and as we all know, all professional wrestlers have shot knees. I don't think Howard's at any disadvantage this time around, Larry. LM: Indeed. And this wasn't to be the last we'd see of Ryan Howard this evening. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ike Sampson vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Cut to the highlights:] Sampson came out to a very favourable reaction from the crowd, his ebony physique looking to be in superb condition. The Whine tried to stall the start of the match, but Sampson was having none of it, and took it to Bloom early on. He blasted his prelim opponent with his impressive power moves, including his powerbombs, powerslams, and second rope shoulderblocks. The match was a mere formality, Sampson finishing things off in less than two minutes with his Deep Freeze double underhook piledriver, barely even breaking a sweat. WINNER: Ike Sampson by pinfall in 1:44. [Cut to Larry and Dave in the ring:] LM: Now here's a guy I'm glad to see back in the IIWF, Dave. Ike Sampson looks great after his extended tour of Japan -- he's bigger, his style has come on in leaps and bounds. In short, he could be gearing up for something big here. DB: Big is right. Ike was announced as weighing a little more -- up to an impressive 320lbs. He's clearly been working out while in Japan, Larry. LM: Must be all that raw fish, Dave. Ike Sampson was certainly an incredible wrestling machine in the ring tonight -- and I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd like to see Ike put the Deep Freeze up against Steve Kowalski's Skullpump in a battle of the underhook piledrivers at some point in the near future. DB: That would be quite a match -- although for the moment, Ike seems to have fixed his sights on a second "Future Bowl" match against Derek Mota and Duncan Macbeth. Now _that's_ a match I'm itching to see. LM: Ike Sampson looking better than ever here tonight on the "War Room", folks. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Savior" Simon Lebec vs. The Masked Terror [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Cut to the highlights:] Simon Lebec, accompanied by a vocal quartet of Gospel singers who performed an a capella version of his self-penned theme music, made his way down to ringside to a confused reaction from the fans. His opponent was already in the ring: the huge Masked Terror, a very big, burly man who tipped the scale at over 300lbs. However, despite his physique and his name, Lebec quickly adapted his style to take the big man off his feet with impressive leverage moves, and wisely began to work over the legs of the Terror, keeping him down on the mat. His choir of Gospel singers let forth a loud harmonised "Hallelujah!" every time Lebec hit a good move, and they sang, "So shall it be from this day forward! Amen!" as Lebec locked the Masked Terror into the Pearly Gate Mercy, his STF variant. The Terror was quick to tap out, and Lebec departed, stopping only to issue blessings to fans on either side of the makeshift aisle as he went. WINNER: "The Savior" Simon Lebec by submission in 3:57. [Cut to Larry and Dave in the ring:] LM: I really don't know what to make of Simon Lebec since his return, Dave. DB: I don't think Lebec's as crazy as he looks, Larry. He's always been the master of the diversionary tactic, and this latest religious schtick, complete with Gospel choir, is sure to put off his opponents. He's generating a lot of heat backstage amongst certain factions of the IIWF talent for his apparent irreverence -- and I think Lebec is going to be a marked man here in the IIWF. One to watch, however. He could be poised to finally make the real break-through he's always promised but never delivered on. LM: And one of those Gospel singers was cute, too. DB: Whatever you say, Larry. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Paul Wong vs. Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Cut to the highlights:] Paul Wong made his way down to the ring, raising his arms to the fans as he appeared at the head of the aisle -- but he was greeted by a solid chorus of jeers. Clearly unaccustomed to such a reception, Wong seemed to be put off by the antagonism of the fans, and he made his way to the ring a little subdued. By contrast, when the Meatman made his entrance, the place came unglued with chants of "Meat! Meat! Meat!" as Jimmy Steele hurled steak sandwiches into the ravenous audience. Steele was also accompanied by his son, the Meatboy, who carried a roll of shrink wrap and a rubber stamp with him to ringside. Wong was clearly trying to win back the approval of the fans throughout this match, working hard to stagger Meatman in order to give him the opportunity to hit his impressive power moves. He executed an excellent powerslam on the Meatman, and also a nice piledriver -- but this only resulted in more jeers from the fans. The Meatman rallied, and trapped Wong in a bear hug, which Wong escaped by jamming a thumb into the eyes of his larger opponent. Wong then attempted a gorilla press -- but Meatman managed to shift his weight, and came crashing down on top of Wong, hooking the leg for a quick three count! The crowd again cheered wildly as the Meatboy threw the shrinkwrap to his father, who quickly wrapped it around the dazed Wong's head, and then rubber-stamped his plastic-encased forehead with the legend, "U.S.R.D.A. CHOICE". Meatman left the ring to huge cheers while the frustrated Wong yanked the shrinkwrap away from his face and headed back to the makeshift locker rooms, clearly upset with himself and with the fans. WINNER: Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele in 9:29. [Cut to Larry and Dave in the ring:] LM: A disappointing outing for ex-Machine Paul Wong, but an important win for the Meatman as he gears up to face Steve "the Fury" Kowalski on Saturday Night for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. DB: A lot of people have questioned the wisdom of the IIWF's suits for hiring a rookie, a nobody like the Meatman -- but Jimmy Steele has impressed me. He's creative in the ring, he's a hard worker... most of all, he's a good, honest guy -- and I think he's going to give Kowalski one heck of a fight on Saturday Night. LM: Paul Wong perhaps regretting taking up company with Ms. Miki and the Fabulous Ones, Dave? DB: Wong was certainly thrown by the negative reaction of the fans out here tonight, and he looked a little lost without his tag team partner by his side. He's going to have to try a little harder to ignore the fans, and keep a little more focused on the match, if he's going to make any headway without Simon O'Neal at his side. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Edmund Fitzgerald vs. "Sanguinary" Steve Manning ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [SCENE: A dark room, lit only by a flickering candle on a desk.  Steve Manning sits back in a chair, his feet propped up on the desk, a cigarette hanging from his lips.  He's gazing at a picture of the wrecked ship, The Edmund Fitzgerald.  He speaks without diverting his stare.] SM: Michael... Michael... Michael... death ain't as tragic as you make it out to be.  So your father wasn't a... "survivor".  There were 28 other weak men onboard the ship which has _your_ name.  Y'see, none of them had the "Eye of the Tiger".  I suppose that's what the problem was.  They all had the "Dull Stare of a Dairy Cow". [Manning snickers, tosses the picture onto the floor, and looks up into the camera, drawing back on his cigarette.] SM: November 10, 1975... it was a time of affliction for many, Perreault. But you _used_ it.  You used your fathers demise in the murky depths to catapult you into the heavenly skies.  But... but I think you maybe confounded in your self view.  You are not a survivor.  You're a fool who beat up a circus performer in a meek attempt at becoming something. [Manning draws on the cigarette and flicks at the camera.] SM: But you're nothing, Perreault.  Nothing at all.  It was predestined from the time you were born, when your sailor father smashed a bottle of champagne over your forehead to christen you.  Your phony righteousness makes me sick, Perreault, and trust me, I'll reproach you for it.  You cleave onto your ways of a survivor like you actually believe it, but when I'm done with my persecution of Michael Perreault... you'll wish you went down on the boat which carries your gimmick, instead of your dear old dad. [Manning flashes a smile at the camera and begins to recite a verse as if from memory.] SM:                       Ring a bell 29 times,                     to remember those who lost their lives.                         Ring a bell in a somber tone,                        for families that were left alone.                           Shine a light for all to see,                        that we all have fond memories,                         of 29 men who lost their fight,                      on a cold, stormy November night.                 Twenty years the wounds were long past made,                      why can't we just declare it a grave?                For exploration, and the "cause" to be known,                     they just won't leave those men alone.                     Twenty years past, but not forgotten,                       the proper respect not yet gotten.                    They dive to the ship to rummage around,                    why can't they declare it sacred ground?                      A grave is a grave on land or at sea.                        Why can't they just let them be?                      So place your flowers on the shore,                    and please don't disturb them any more. [Manning looks away and speaks once more.] SM: Perreault... Perreault... your father must've been the unknown thirtieth crew member... but I digress.  You will sink on the War Room, and trust me, no one will write a song about you.  No one. [Manning begins to shake, as if laughing to himself as the eerie scene fades. Cut to the highlights:] Manning came down the aisle wearing a t-shirt which seemed to be hyping an "Edmund Fitzgerald" movie, starring Leonardo DiCaprio.  By contrast, Fitz appeared not to have even changed his clothing in several days, and his face sported several days of growth. The fans were slightly set aback by Fitz's unkemptness, but cheered for him over the psychopathic Manning nonetheless. Manning immediately launched into a brawling offence, combined with a few aerial moves designed to keep the big man off balance.  The brawl spilled outside the ring, where a "Sangui-Knight" handed Manning a bottle of bubbly which Manning then proceeded to try and smash over the head of Fitzgerald, as if he was christening a boat -- but Fitz ducked out of the way, and Manning ended up smashing the bottle against the steel barriers, showering the front row fans with champagne. Manning attempted to "bottle" Fitz with the jagged glass remains, but Fitz knocked it from his hands -- and then proceeded to lift Manning up above his head, and dump him throat-first on the steel crowd barriers! Fitz continued to stomp on Manning's neck as the referee counted both men out, and security came down to restrain Fitz. Manning was stunned but unhurt, and got back to his feet, looking shaken -- but he also laughed as Fitz was ushered away from ringside! The fans were shocked as Manning rolled back into the ring and sat there, laughing with wild eyes, before departing back to the locker room. RESULT: double countout at 13:11. [Cut back to Larry and Dave in the ring:] LM: What a crazy match between these two competitors! Fitz really looked shaken up tonight. I can only assume that Icehawk's career ending injury -- sustained last Saturday Night in an unfortunate incident during a top-drawer match against Cruiserweight Champion Takezo Musashi -- has pushed him right over the edge. DB: Fitz seemed to be obsessed with working on Manning's neck throughout the match. I wonder if he's not got some kind vendetta here -- if his partner is going to be knocked out of the sport with a neck injury, then so is everybody else. Fitz is a tremendous competitor, but his biggest weakness is his hot head. He's a completely different wrestler to the stoic, tough as nails tag team partner of the much more demonstrative Icehawk that entered the IIWF just under a year ago. LM: And Steve Manning continues to shock with his psychopathic tendencies, Dave. That guy just... just scares me. DB: Steve Manning is a very dangerous athlete, Larry. He showed tonight that he's far more concerned with putting the hurt on somebody than on winning matches, and that kind of sadistic tendency is going to spell a lot of trouble for a lot of people here in the IIWF. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Richard "Moxy" Blue vs. "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Cut to the highlights:] Before this match could even get started, Ryan Howard jumped Timothy N. Turner as he made his way down the aisle. Turner was accompanied by the burly Duncan Macbeth, however, and the Intercontinental Champion was able to slow down Howard sufficiently for him to be dragged backstage by the combined efforts of the JJS and security. Turner, shaken but unhurt, continued down to ringside, Macbeth still in tow. Blue made his usual crazy entrance, and was even wearing skis as he waddled comically down the aisle in his natty -- but hideously coloured -- ring attire. The match got underway at a fast pace, Turner demonstrating the form that took him to the Cruiserweight Championship and Moxy showing the skills that nearly saw him capture that same belt from Turner. High flying, high impact action had the fans on the edges of their seats -- until a crazed looking Derek Mota, his wild eyes shadowed by huge grey bags, ran down to the ring and leaped into the ring before Macbeth had time to react. Mota nailed Turner with a set of brass knuckles, laying him out and forcing the referee to disqualify Moxy, before disappearing into the crowd, laughing maniacally. Macbeth helped Turner to his feet, and the two departed from ringside angrily. Frustrated, Moxy kicked the ropes, and then headed back to the locker room, disappointed. WINNER: Timothy N. Turner by disqualification in 9:37. [Cut back to Larry and Dave in the studio:] LM: The tangled web of Derek Mota, Duncan Macbeth and Timothy N. Turner now seems to have ensnared Richard "Moxy" Blue, Dave. Mota came out tonight to deliberately cost Moxy the match -- I think the opportunity to lay out Turner was merely an added bonus. DB: Derek Mota is another extremely irrational competitor, Larry. He's been undergoing counselling for extreme depression -- and I don't know whether you noticed tonight, Larry, but his forearms were pretty badly slashed. Textbook case of self-mutilation. LM: Don't try that at home, kids. DB: But you're right. Mota has got it into his head that Moxy's attempts to get at Turner last Saturday Night which caused Mota to lose a match against Duncan Macbeth are grounds for him to attack Moxy... and this could get out of hand in a hurry. Don't forget that Derek Mota will be teaming with Ryan Howard -- who made his presence felt before this match to attack Turner -- to face Turner and Macbeth on Saturday Night... and I have a feeling that Moxy is going to be there too. LM: That'll be quite a match -- coming to you live this Saturday Night! Don't miss it! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer vs. Tragedy ------------------------------------------------------------------------ LM: Now, as promised, folks, we have some exclusive and shocking footage of what transpired between Deathbringer and Tragedy in tonight's main event. This one didn't even get as far as the ring. Let's take a look: [Cut to video footage captioned, "Earlier Tonight." "Scythe, Rage and Rose" by Dark Tranquility plays as a lone spotlight follows Deathbringer and Blind Guardian to the ring down the makeshift aisleway. Fans reach out over the rail to try to touch their favorite superstars. Suddenly, the music is stopped by the ominous sound of a chainsaw. The music gets replaced by a slasher movie style music as Terror of the Harlequins springs from underneath the ring with "Binky the Chainsaw" in hand. Terror swings Binky and crashes its body into the head of Blind Guardian, much to the horror of the fans. And enraged Deathbringer throws down his scythe and starts to slowly walk towards the new Harlequin, who despite his obvious weapon, starts to back up. Just then, Chaos bursts from the back and levels the Dark Destroyer with a massive clothesline. Comedy and Melody jump over the rail from the crowd and grab the scythe as the 17 year old phenom continues to pound on Deathbringer. Terror turns his attention back to Blind Guardian and once again crashes his chainsaw onto the head of Deathbringer's manager. From the back, Tragedy, the leader of the Harlequins slowly walks to the ring. Chaos starts to pick up Deathbringer just long enough for Comedy and Melody to run in and clothesline the Dark Destroyer with his own scythe. Guardian is now bleeding from multiple chainsaw shots. Tragedy is now down at ringside. Chaos, Melody and Comedy step back as Tragedy stands over Deathbringer and looks down on him... Only to have Deathbringer sit up and grab the Tragic One by the throat! Deathbringer stands up, still keeping Tragedy in the chokehold. 'Bringer gets to his feet and starts to pick Tragedy up for a one handed chokeslam, but before he can fully execute the move, Chaos smashes a forearm into the Dark Destroyer's back. Deathbringer drops Tragedy and turns to face Chaos and finds himself triple teamed by the Harlequins. Finally, Terror and Chaos grab a subdued Deathbringer and hold him in front of Tragedy. Tragedy tilts his head to the side, then the unthinkable happens. The film goes into a slow-motion black and white as Tragedy reaches out and grabs Deathbringer's mask. In one motion, he rips the mask off 'Bringer's face. Deathbringer ducks his head to avoid being seen. The camera goes back to color and normal speed to see Blind Guardian throwing his cloak over Deathbringer's head as the Harlequins drop the Dark Destroyer to the ground and head to the back. As the Harlequin tag team and the girls step behind the curtain, Tragedy turns around and holds the mask in the air before backing through the curtain. Cut back to Larry and Dave in the studio:] LM: Well, Dave -- a shocking, shocking turn of events. In all the time Deathbringer, a former IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, and one of the toughest wrestlers in the sport's history, has been in the Double Eye, never has any individual, or even group, been able to steal his mask. Absolutely incredible. DB: It's certainly an unexpected turn of events. Deathbringer is one of the few old school wrestlers still in the IIWF -- and that mask has special significance for the man from the dark side. We could be on the verge of an unholy war as Deathbringer fights to regain what's his from the Harlequins. LM: And what about those Harlequins, Dave? They took a big step towards establishing themselves as a big force in the IIWF in one fell swoop tonight. DB: Indeed they did. Stables seem to be out of fashion in the IIWF right now, but the rest of the league may be forced into playing catch-up with the Harlequins now. LM: Well, folks, that's all the time we have tonight. Don't forget to tune in on Friday for another "Countdown to Saturday Night", where we will hopefully have comments from the Deathbringer concerning tonight's shocking turn of events! Next week, Dave and I will be coming at you from somewhere in Puerto Rico... and we'll have more tremendous "War Room" action! Until then, we leave you with a very special communicade from new IIWF Vice-President Gregg Osterhout, who is launching a new campaign here in the Double Eye. Until Friday, this is Larry Morton for Dave Bacon and all of us here in the "War Room", saying: so long, and thanks for watching! [Cut to footage captioned, "Earlier This Week." The scene is the office of the IIWF Vice President.  A fresh coat of paint covers the walls, but that doesn't seem to be what is concerning current VP Gregg Osterhout who sits, concerned, at his desk.] GO: I had hoped that my first address would be one of welcome.  Sadly,     this isn't the case.  While it remains President Spreadbury's job to     sign wrestlers, make contracts with broadcasting, and attend stockholder meetings, it is mine to serve as disciplinarian.     I have been on the job only a week, and already I'm disturbed by what I've been seeing in the IIWF:  Billy Shakespeare blinded, Icehawk in the hospital -- he may never wrestle again -- I'm not even sure how to describe Serge Annis's actions this last Saturday night.  No sooner has Mr. Watkins returned to the IIWF from Tony Starks' savagery than this happens. But all that is going to change now.  Those kind of tactics may have worked with past VP Jim Jividen, but not with me.  We wish Jim only the best as he recovers in Florida from the mental strain of holding office.  There will be no more iron bars in Tim Turner's boot.  We will investigate Brody Thunder's elbow-pad.  We are keeping a close eye on Mr. Tony Starks -- and mister, I'm not sure what that hold you used the other night on Luke Steele was... but I'm having my interns checking on its legality right now.     This leads me to my next topic: substance abuse.  I realize that the strain of being the best, the top wrestlers in the world... but that doesn't mean you must turn to chemicals for support.  I have seen the empty cases of Mooselips backstage.   I have heard the untrue rumors of the pharmacy Marty Warnett keeps in his locker.  There will never be another Dexter St. Croix reunion in the second floor     restrooms.  Again, this leads me to a similar topic:  Steroids.     Scott "The Fop" Rogers has also left the fed.  Still I hear talk of     wrestlers using 'roids... and I want it to stop now! [He shuffles a few papers for dramatic impact.]     For my first act as Vice President, I'm happy to announce a campaign     aimed at awareness of violence and substance abuse in the squared     circle.  Gentlemen, welcome to:  "Wrestle Clean!" [He holds up a lapel button emblazoned with the soon to become familiar slogan: "Wrestle Clean!"]     All of you wrestlers will be wearing these buttons when you make     personal appearances and other media events.   If you don't like it,     check the "Promotions" clause in your contracts.  I thank you for your time, and remember, "Wrestle Clean!" [Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+