________ ______ __ ____ ___ __ . _ ___ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| / /\ | | || \| \ /\ \ / |\ || / \| | | | || | \ v v / | __| \__ /__\ | | ||__/| |/__\ v | \||| __|-| | |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| \ \| v | \|__/ \| | || \_|| | | __________________________/...hour two...\........|...|.......|....| LIVE! Juan Lubriel Stadium, Bayamon, Puerto Rico 21 February 1998 [The graphics fade through to interior shots of the jam-packed Juan Lubriel Stadium, the sea of fans cheering and waving their signs as a volley of fireworks erupts in the rafters high above the ring. A guitar riff rings out over the loudspeakers, instantly recognizable as "Bad to the Bone" by George Thorogood and the Destroyers.] TD: Welcome back to IIWF Saturday Night, folks! And here he is -- the former number one wrestler in the world -- Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines. [Gunnar appears at the top of the entrance ramp. He stands with his arms in a V, grinning broadly. Then he walks the aisle, happily drinking in the verbal abuse directed at him by a large number of angry, Puerto Rican fans.] SR: Yeah -- number one about seven years ago. TD: One year ago, Steve Roberts. ONE year -- and I wouldn't let him catch you say otherwise. SR: Oh, he's a large, tough man -- I have no quarrel with him, though I'll do my moonsault on him if he gives me any trouble. I'll knock him flat on his ass. I'll tear him limb from limb. I'll... [By now, a huge, Grizzly Grinning Gunnar is standing right behind the Soundbite. Dross nudges his chin towards Roberts, kind of pointing that there's something going on that Roberts should take note of.] SR: What, Dross? What? What is it? [Dross continues to nudge with his chin. Then, it dawns on Roberts.] SR: He's standing behind me, isn't he? [Dross uses his index finger to touch the tip of his own nose.] SR: Oh. [Roberts turns around -- and cranes his neck up -- to look at the mammoth, 357-pound bearded man standing behind him.] SR: Oh... Hi, Gunnar. How are you doing? I was so glad to see you come here to the Double Eye WF. Yes, you really are a valuable addition. And so I just wanted to let you know that I really resp-- [Gunnar, grinning, pats the Soundbite on top of the head with the palm of his hand. Then, he tousles the Soundbite's hair.] GGG: Whoops... looks like I see a few fleas here on your mop, son. Better get that taken care of! [Gunnar walks off as the Soundbite fumes. The Grizzly grabs a cordless mic from ringside, then enters the ring.] GGG: Friends, countrymen, Puerto Ricans... I'm here today to talk about FEAR. Not the fear that you expect -- but a fear which is eating away at the heart of the Double Eye like a cancer. One that affects this federation all the way to its very CORE. And one that starts not with the jobber justice squad, nor with the midcarders, and not even with the main eventers, though all of them fear me as well. No, this fear starts at the very TOP of the IIWF. Dan Spreadbury... FEARS Gunnar Gaines. [Gunnar nods, smiling, as the fans react in numerous ways, from thunderous booing from some fans, to a group of other fans screaming "GUN-NAR! GUN-NAR! GUN-NAR!"] GGG: That's right. I come into the Double Eye, I'm the number one wrestler in the whole God damn world, I earned it by breaking bones and covering myself in my own blood and sweat and that of my opponents -- and I deserve a shot at the IIWF World Title RIGHT NOW. [The volume of some of the boos increases.] Shut up, ya little fart stains. I'm talking. Now, then. There is NO doubt that I deserve that title shot. I have BETTER credentials than ANY other wrestler in this whole God damn federation. And I'm already tired of sitting around waitng for Spreads to summon up the seeds to give me that title match. So, I went into his office the other day to ask him what the hell is up. Danny boy sat me down and said, "Gunnar, there's a little problem. You see, you have _outstanding_ credentials -- but you didn't earn them here. You're going to have to take your ticket and stand at the end of the line." Well, Spreadsie -- you can take your lines, and you can take your tickets, and you know _exactly_ what you can do with 'em, son -- because I know the TRUTH. You're afraid I'll win. You're afraid I'll make a bitch of the world champion that you took _oh so long_ to build up. And you're not just afraid that _I'll_ be put over -- you're afraid the LOOP will be put over, which is crap because I don't CARE about the Loop. All I care about is making other people feel pain -- twice the pain that I feel. I don't even care about my OWN pain -- just everyone else's. And that makes me the most dangerous son of a bitch on your whole God damn roster. So, you're going to avoid the whole confrontation. You're going to wait until I beat the crap out of all the OTHER people ya got before you put me in the ring with your champion. I've gotta prove myself HERE before I get the big shot, you say. Needless to say, that puts the big kibosh on any match I might want with Steve "Fury" Kowalski, good job of protecting your champ, Dan. [disdainfully] Instead, it's "Send in the Clowns." Well... [Gunnar scratches his beard, thinking with a grin. Then, he speaks.] GGG: All I have to say, son, is bring them all on. And you know something else? I don't care about the order. Send me anyone you want. In fact, I'll let the victims pick THEMSELVES. So... anyone back there in the locker room -- and I know you're all glued to the monitor -- I double, no, TRIPLE dare you to get your ass out here and try to stand toe to toe with The Baddest Thang Running. Because so far in the Double Eye, no one -- I mean NO ONE -- has taken on the simple challenge I issue every God damn day. [Thumbing to himself, boastfully.] GG: Beat me -- if you can. [Gunnar drops the mic and waits for someone to come out.] TD: Oh my! Gunnar Gaines is calling out anybody who has the guts to face him right here, right now! [Gaines stands by the side of the ring facing the aisle and folds his arms, tapping his foot in mock impatience.] TD: Will anybody answer the Grizzly one's challenge? SR: You bet, Dross. There's probably a full-scale brawl going on backstage right now as all the guys fight over who gets to come out here and kick Gaines' butt all over the arena. [After a few more moments of inactivity, a familiar * BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! * noise begins to emanate from behind the entrance curtains. Huge pop!] TD: I recognise that noise! SR: Whoo-hoo! Here comes the Meatguy! [The entrance curtains are swept aside as a huge refrigerated truck backs through into the top of the aisle, its rear and reverse lights creating big lens flares, hazard lights flashing away. There is a hiss from the brakes as the truck pulls to a halt, and the crowd is now in full swing: "MEAT! MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!" Gaines simply nods his head in the ring, and motions for the Meatman to bring it on.] TD: Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele has answered Gunnar Gaines' challenge! The Meatman is one of the most impressive newcomers the IIWF has seen for some time, and he is truly beginning to establish himself as a star in his own right. SR: Yeah, yeah, Dross. We love the Meatguy because he brings us food! [The back gate of the refrigerated truck slowly rolls up into the roof of the vehicle, revealing the inside of the truck, or at least, what can be seen of the inside of the truck. Several large carcasses hang on hooks towards the back of the truck, but it is dark inside, and as the mist rolls out in curling wisps, there is no sign of the Meatman. Gaines is now getting a little impatient.] GGG: Show yourself, then! You can't beat me if you stay in your little truck! [Still there is no further movement from within the truck, but still the crowd chants: "MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!" Growing infuriated, Gaines makes his way up the aisle, warily approaching the van.] SR: Come on, Meatguy! Whip us up a salami sandwich! [Gunnar Gaines finally reaches the back of the truck, and he pushes on the carcasses within his reach, the dead animals swinging noiselessly. The fans begin to hush in anticipation as Gaines pulls himself up onto the loading platform at the back of the truck, then gingerly steps inside, and... SNAP! Gaines howls! Huge pop!] TD: Oh my! What the hell was that?! SR: Gaines' leg just came clean off, Dross! It just came clean off! TD: Don't be ridiculous, Steve Roberts -- oh my! Clothesline! Gunnar Gaines has just been clotheslined out the back of that van -- and he has a bear trap on his leg! Gaines has a bear trap on his leg! [Sure enough, Gaines lies, more stunned than hurt, in the aisle, his right leg ensnared within the clamping metal jaws of a bear trap, although they are apparently not sharp enough to cut into his leg. Gaines reaches down, furious, attempting to pull the trap from his leg, as the Meatman finally emerges from the back of the van. He stands on the loading platform and produces a cordless mic:] JS: Give me a grizzly grin, Gaines! Where's your grin now, Bearmeat? [The fans continue to cheer as Steele hops down from the platform... CLANG!] TD: Oh my! Oh my! Gunnar Gaines just lashed out with that foot snared in the bear trap -- and he caught the Meatman square in the belly! SR: Would you look at this, Dross? Gaines is getting up! [Sure enough, Gunnar Gaines drags himself, with some difficulty, to his feet, and the Meatman, who had slumped backwards against the cill of the truck, staggers forwards again. The two men begin slugging it out, much to the delight of the crowd!] TD: We have a pier sixer, folks! It seems nothing will stop Gunnar Gaines! Last week it was a bulldog with a chair round his neck from the Fury -- this week it's a bear trap on his leg... and still this man keeps on coming! [Gaines again lashes out with his bear trap-clad foot, catching Steele in the knee and knocking the Meatman to the floor. Gaines raises his trapped foot... and brings it crashing down on Steele's ribs!] TD: Oh my! Gunnar Gaines is furious with the Meatman, and he is letting him know in no uncertain terms! We need some help out here! [As if by magic, the Jobber Justice Squad push past the truck and flood into the aisle, dragging Gaines away from the Meatman, who struggles to his feet. The two men again go nose to nose, the fearless prelim wrestlers trying to keep them apart. Further security personnel descend on the aisle and eventually succeed in dragging Gaines to the back. The meat truck splutters into life and then disappears back into the depths of the Stadium. Cut back to Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts at ringside.] TD: What a confrontation to kick off our second hour here tonight! We have four more tremendous matches coming you way in the next sixty minutes, including the World Heavyweight Championship Match between Steve "the Fury" Kowalski and the Subway Psycho, and that four way death match between "Savage" Shadoe Rage, Steve Manning and "Team Psychosis", whomever they might turn out to be. But ahead of that, let's get up to the ring for the Saturday Night return of Billy Shakespeare, as he goes up against the man who blinded him back at Snow Brawl, "To Excess" Rick Williams. Boy, this crowd is hot, Steve Roberts. SR: So? We just find them a burrito stand and a salt shaker, some tequila and we'll be plenty safe. [Almost as if on cue, a cup of liquid is sent flying just past "Soundbite" and Dross.] TD: First it's Musashi with his comments and actions, and now you. We're going to be lucky to get out of here alive at this rate. SR: Hey, what's the problem? I was going to take everyone out to lunch. Can I help it if they have bad tastes. TD: If we get out of here in one piece, Roberts, you are going to owe me. SR: Sure... [turning back to the crowds] Anyone know what the peso for dollar exchange rate is here? TD: Let's get back up to the ring and get the second hour started before you get us put in a prison. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| "Blacklight" Billy Shakespeare vs. |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| "To Excess" Rick Williams ....................................................................... WRITER: Mark Stone [The camera changes to Sparkplug, who has taken his position in the center of the ring, using the referee almost as a human shield from the flying debris, and he is almost hesitant to even begin the introductions.] SL: [stammering] Ladies... ladies and gen... gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall, with a 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from the city of Min.... [Again, Sparkplug is forced to move out of the way of another object that seems to have come out of the crowd.] SL: Hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota, and weighing in at 257 pounds, here is "TO EXCESS" RICK WILLIAMS!!!! [Mark Knopfler's "Local Hero" begins to play over the speakers, and the always confidence Williams steps out from behind the entrance, and looks around at the ever-increasingly hostile crowd, and it doesn't even to phase the man, as he starts walking down toward the ring. He stops long enough to look at some of the more vocal fans along the walkway, but finally waves his hand to brush them away.] TD: Williams not exactly helping to ease the situation here at the moment. SR: I didn't know that was part of his job description? I thought that's why we had all these boys in blue. TD: I have the ultimate confidence in our staff, but you think that they can hold back over fifteen thousand people? SR: As long as they don't touch me. You, Dross, well, let's just say I don't think you have to worry about being the attractive target. [Williams continues his walk down toward the ring, before stopping by the camera just long enough to speak just audibly enough over the crowds still rambunctious noise level "The end is nigh, Billy... Now you must face the final curtain".] TD: Somehow I can't see this as Billy's final walk on the stage. SR: Unless, of course, the crowds have to settle for him instead of you, Dross. [The camera view changes back to the ring, where Sparkplug stands as Williams finally climbs up in the ring, and brushes himself off where, apparently one of the fans actually made contact with some of the garbage. With Williams in the ring Sparkplug decides to try to use the wrestler as his shield from the onslaught of the crowd as he continues the ring introductions.] SL: And his opponent, hailing from Ashland, Oregon, and weighing in at 230 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, here is "BLACKLIGHT" BILLY SHAKESPEARE!! [When the music of "Little Willie" by The Sweet begins to play, a good number of the hostile crowd manages to tone it down for a bit as the masked figure of Shakespeare steps out on the entranceway and what fans that are near Shakespeare are surprisingly pleasant, although the majority of the crowd is definitely still on the hostile side.] TD: Remind me to walk out of here with Shakespeare after this evening is over with. SR: Sure, but I never thought I'd use a cliché, but the blind leading the blind. TD: And how do you propose that we escape from here tonight? [Shakespeare makes a quick paced walk down toward the ring, with a few fans reaching out for the man. Shakespeare makes his way to the steps, and begins to climb them, albeit a bit more slowly than the walk to the ring when the video wall suddenly lights up and all the wall, from the dressing rooms is the face of Marty Warnett.] MW: [over video wall] Billy... you have a heck of a load of guts, and what you have to do is what a REAL man has to do, Ricky-babes. I won't interfere... but I'll be watching your back, friend. TD: Warnett stating that he's impressed by Shakespeare's actions! SR: And that's supposed to change my opinion of the man? [The video wall then fades out and Williams uses it to his advantage, as he quickly slides himself down under the ropes with a sliding baseball kick on Shakespeare, sending Billy off into the ring railing. Williams is back up to his feet, and walks over to Shakespeare, and fires him head first into the ringsteps.] RW: Where's your Welsh buddy now, Shakes? TD: Williams firing off with all the anger that has been obviously building up between these two men. SR: It's called putting your opponent's ego back in check. TD: And the ego definitely something you qualify as knowing about. [Williams launches Shakespeare under the ropes, and climbs up after him coming down off the top turnbuckle with a hard double axehandle, sending Billy down to the mat. A cover attempt by Williams gets him a two count, but Williams is unaffected at the moment by a lack of the pin, as he pulls Billy back up to a vertical stance, before launching him off into the ropes.] TD: Williams with a hard knee to the midsection... Swinging neckbreaker! SR: Now this is what happens when you let your "friends" distract you. TD: You think Warnett did that on purpose to distract Shakespeare? SR: Whether or not I thought it, that's precisely what it did, didn't it? [Williams attempts a cover, but only scores a two count out of it, drawing a glance to the referee, but Excess doesn't allow Shakespeare any chance of recovery, as he turns his attention to the leg of the fan fave, and applies a spinning toe hold. Williams repeats the process before changing the hold into a figure four.] TD: And Williams working over every part of Shakespeare at the moment. SR: Hey, at least he hasn't gone after the good eye. Maybe I should go remind him of that fact? TD: You aren't going anywhere. [Williams stretch back with the figure four, as the referee checks on Shakespeare to see if he submits to the hold, but the masked superstar continues to try to fight off, even when Williams puts some added leverage on with a grasp of the ropes.] TD: Williams taking the rules as far as he can here! SR: That's why he's the "Excess". TD: And again the referee over to check on Shakespeare. [The leverage however is momentarily released when the ref tries to get his attention back over to Williams, and Williams screams out "ask him if he quits again", as the ref is down to his knees checking on the shoulders of Shakespeare. Billy gets caught with the shoulders on the mat, but rolls the shoulder up by two to prevent the loss, and again Excess decides to use the ropes for pressure.] TD: And again Rick Williams with the flagrant rule breaking. SR: As a long time mentor once said, "Win if you must, but cheat always." TD: Who said that one? SR: I did. I'm the only mentor anyone needs. [This time however, the referee is aware of the actions and immediately starts a count on Williams to break the hold, and "To Excess" lets the entire count go through before the two men are separated. Shakespeare rolls himself out of the ring, obviously hurting, as he rolls himself off the ring apron and down to the floor. Williams stands there sort of in laughter, as Shakespeare tries to pull himself up to his feet.] TD: And Williams just enjoying this scene at the moment, beating up on a disadvantaged opponent. SR: Billy Bob didn't have to sign the contract. [Williams climbs out on the ring apron, and launches himself down with a double axehandle, but Shakespeare turns around just in time to catch the man with a shot to the midsection, doubling Williams over, and Shakespeare drives him head first into the ring steps, before rolling into and out of the ring to break the referee's count.] TB: Williams with his first mistake of the match, and Shakespeare trying to capitalise. SR: If he wants to capitalise, he should take it up in the ring. You can't get the win out here. [Shakespeare stands up and holds a fist up in the air, trying to stir up the already excited crowds, and he nails the rising Williams with a shot to the jaw, staggering Excess. Shakespeare quickly scoops Excess up and slams him out on the floor of the arena, before kneeling down over him, and pounding away with lefts and rights to the head of Williams.] TD: And Blacklight on a rampage here! Firing away with shots to the head of Williams!! [Willams is then pulled back up to his feet by Shakespeare, and Blacklight launches Williams up under the ropes, before springboarding up on top of the ropes, and catching Williams with a kneedrop across the chest. A cover attempt is made, but again, only the two count can be score before Williams gets a foot on the ropes. TD: Billy can't find the knee to hook the leg, and it costs him. [Shakespeare is obviously not finished, as he launches Williams across the ring, and the force of impact pushes Excess back out into the center of the squared circle, where Billy connects with a hard dropkick. A cover attempt, again, however, is unsuccessful as once again, only a two count comes out of it. Shakespeare again pulls Williams up to his feet, and fires the man across the ring but this time, misses with a spinning leg lariat, and Williams rebounds off the ropes, catching the unsteady Blacklight with a running clothesline, that drops him to the mat. Williams then sets behind the man, and waits for Shakespeare to rise up.] SR: Yes, time to blindside the man! TD: Not sure what Williams is waiting for, though... [As Billy gets back up to his feet, Excess moves in on the man, and literally spins the mask of Shakespeare around, even further blinding the man.] SR: Now we do. Time for a game of "Blindman's Bluff"! [Excess begins taunting Shakespeare from various locations in the ring, shouting a few phrases at him. Shakespeare finally gets the masked straightened out on his face, but as he does so, Williams comes off and takes Blacklight out with a Diamond Cutter. Williams however, doesn't immediately go for the pin, instead taunting Shakespeare with a few more phrases and questions about his "Welsh bosom buddy", and such, before finally going for the Lateral Press Cover. But the count only comes up with a two and a half, as Shakespeare is just able to get a shoulder up.] TD: What resilience from Billy Shakespeare here, Steve Roberts! [Williams glares at the referee at the count, but keeps his attention on Shakespeare, and fires the man off into the ropes again, but misses with a back body drop, as Billy tries to go over with a sunset flips Williams however, is unwilling to go, and attempts to drive a fist down into the head of Blacklight, but Shakespeare moves out of the way, and "Excess" hits nothing but the canvas.] TD: Shakespeare able to get himself out of the way of that shot. SR: How did he see that one coming? TD: You stand in front of a fist and tell me you can't see it coming. SR: You mean like some of these people here behind us? [Shakespeare gets up to his feet, and as Williams turns around, connects with a standing dropkick that pushes Williams back into the ropes, and Shakespeare follows it up with a clothesline that sends both men over the top to the floor.] TD: [turning his attention back from the crowd] Shakespeare trying once again to regain the momentum, as he takes it back outside the ring. SR: I guess the taunts are finally getting to the man. [Shakespeare is the first to regain his composure outside the ring, and he immediately pulls Williams up to his feet, and sets him up with an atomic drop that drives the man into the steel post. Shakespeare then catches the man as he comes back off the metal and repeats the process, again sending Excess into the corner.] TD: And Shakespeare just exploding every time he carries the fight out of the squared circle. [Shakespeare grabs the head of Williams, and points to the ring steps, and he tries to fire Williams off into the steps head first, but Williams is able to put his hands down on the steps to block it, but Billy connects with an elbow on Williams that forces the man to relax his arms, and allows Blacklight the opening to fire Williams into the steps. Williams is sent back up into the ring by Shakespeare, who afterwards begins climbing up the ring ropes, as Williams struggles to pull himself up to his feet. Shakespeare launches himself off the top rope with the Curtain Call, but Williams manages to pull himself together enough to catch the man, and drive Blacklight straight down into the mat.] TD: Williams with a desperation save!! And both men taking an incredible amount of abuse. SR: But you notice who is still giving the abuse? [Williams realising that he just caught Blacklight by surprise, immediately begins stomping away on Shakespeare, before the referee can finally get in there to issue a warning to Williams. Williams suddenly just fires the referee out of the way, and sits Shakespeare up, and motions to the crowd.] TD: He's going for the mask! [Williams starts undoing the laces on the back of the mask, and finally realising what just happened, Shakespeare tries pulling away form Excess, but not before the mask comes off his head, which brings out an enormous pop from the crowd.] TD: He's got it! He's g... Oh my! SR: What's he doing there?! [Williams holds the mask of Shakespeare up in the air, unaware of the man who is in the place of Billy, and a the huge smile crossing Williams' face suddenly disappears when he turns around to see Marty Warnett standing in the Blacklight outfit!] SR: You have to be kidding! TD: Marty Warnett apparently helping out his friend, much like he promised! SR: He's not scheduled to be here! TD: Scheduled or not, that is the figure and face of Marty Warnett. [Warnett immediately connects with a running clothesline on Williams, and he scoops the man up and drives him head first into the turnbuckle padding, repeating the process until the crowds start counting along, albeit in Spanish. The crowd continues counting even as Warnett pulls Williams out of the corner, and launches him across the ring.] TD: Different language, same lack of mathematical aptitude. [Williams is sent flying over in a back drop, and he immediately bails of the ring, and makes his way backwards up the ring walkway. He points at Warnett while shaking his head "No" and can be seen mouthing off a few words toward Warnett, who is still standing in the ring.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, due to the actions of Marty Warnett, this matchup has been declared a "No Contest!" [Warnett climbs the turnbuckles in the ring and beckons for Williams to come back down to the ring, but "To Excess" is having none of it, and shakes his head as he backs all the way back up the aisle and through the curtains to the locker room area. Warnett salutes the fans briefly, and then jogs back up the aisle, mask in hand, apparently in pursuit of Rick Williams. Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: Our next match is scheduled to pit two tag teams that are looking for respect in that aspect of the IIWF -- Team Sychosys and Duncan Macbeth and Timothy Turner. SR: Has Duncan Macbeth regained consciousness yet? TD: Well, Steve Roberts, that is indeed the question about this match. The Intercontinental champion suffered a severe concussion yesterday when he was attacked by Simon LeBec. We have had no word about his condition since the end of Countdown, so we don't know if he will be able to compete or not. SR: I damn well hope he can. TD: Really? I didn't think of you as a Duncan Macbeth fan? SR: I'm not. But if we have to cancel this match, these crazy fans might burn the arena down. This is not a happy group of Cubans. TD: Puerto Ricans, Steve. SR: Them too. TD: Let's go to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Team Sychosys vs. "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| & Duncan Macbeth ....................................................................... WRITER: Dave Hogg [Sparkplug Lee enters the ring again, attempting to dodge as nimbly as he can all the flying debris hurled by the angry fans.] SL: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 20-minute time limit. First, fresh from the United States Olympic Hockey team, I give you Joe Petrow and Mr. Majestyk Maurice McArthur -- TEAM SYCHOSYS!!! [As Steve Roberts' "Against All Odds" blasts over the PA system, Joe and 4M appear among the Sychopaths. They are once again dressed in the US Olympic Curling team uniforms, for that is the sport they took part in, despite Sparkplug's brief delusion. As they make their way to ringside, the Sychopaths greet them with a chant of "HURRY!! HURRY HARD!!". Both Petrow and 4M pause to shake the hand of an attractive woman whose high-pitched voice rings out above the rest of the Sychopaths. Veteran curling fans will recognize the woman as Sandra Schmirler, skip of the gold-medal winning Canadian women's team. Despite that, they look much more serious than normal, and when they remove their uniforms, they are dressed in simple black tights and boots.] TD: It's amazing how many celebrities are big fans of the mighty IIWF. That reminds me, Steve. What did you think of the end of the Olympic curling tournament? SR: The what? TD: Curling, Steve. After you went on and on last week about the beauty of the sport, I made sure to watch the two gold-medal matches. And I was very impressed. SR: Dross, I have never watched a second of curling in my life. Now shut up and listen to the music. [Luckily for all of us, this exchange is interrupted by Sparkplug's introduction of the second team.] SL: And their opponents, first, the former Cruiserweight champion, Timothy N. Turner! And his partner, the current Intercontinental champion, Duncan Macbeth! [The music changes to "Tubthumping" as the pair makes their way to ringside. Both men smile and wave to the crowd, with Macbeth showing no ill effects of the concussion.] TD: Well, maybe the rumors of Duncan Macbeth's demise were greatly exaggerated. He looks perfectly healthy to me. SR: People thought he was dead? TD: [sighing] No, Steve. Never mind. [Dave D'Amato gives final instructions to both teams, who then shake hands. At that point, Joe Petrow and TNT exit the ring, leaving Macbeth and 4M to start the match. Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Well, that is a surprise. When was the last time Maurice McArthur started a match? SR: What do you mean? Have you already forgotten the beauty of his Soundbite Stall just a few short weeks ago? TD: Well, I've been trying to forget it. [Macbeth advances on 4M, looking extremely confident, and is startled when the Majestyk One executes a picture-perfect drop toehold. McArthur then snaps Duncan into an armlock and drags him over to the corner to tag in Petrow. Sychosys hops to the top rope, and comes down on the champion's arm in one of the classic tag-team manuevers. Apparently, Team Sychosys are big fans of this particular move, because as soon as 4M is on the apron, Petrow tags him, and they repeat the move. And then they do it again. And again. And again.] SR: Boy, this is some exciting offense from Team Sychosys. TD: I think Petrow and McArthur are trying to make a point here -- showing that they are indeed a cohesive tag team. SR: Fine, they are cohesive. Now could they prove that they are interesting? [Macbeth is more annoyed than injured by all of this, and he finally breaks away and makes his way to the center of the ring. From there, he gestures to Petrow (for it is he who is the legal man after that) to wrestle him normally. Joe shrugs and makes his way toward Duncan, who promptly charges and flattens him with a clothesline. Surprisingly though, it is Petrow who is the first to his feet, as Macbeth stumbles slightly. Sychosys takes advantage with a kick to the champ's head, followed by a Rocker Dropper that drives his head and neck into the mat. This time, Macbeth is more obviously unsteady as he gets back up.] TD: Look at the Intercontinental Champion! I think it is obvious that he has come back too soon from that concussion. He could do serious damage to himself here! [Petrow flattens Macbeth again, then lifts him up into position for a powerbomb. Instead of dropping him to the mat, though, he flips Duncan around and slams his knees into the mat. As the big Scot yelps in pain, Sychosys leaps to his feet and quickly tags in 4M.] TD: I have no idea what that move is called, Steve Roberts, but it has done the job. But why tag in Maurice McArthur when you have the advantage? This isn't exactly the time for the Soundbite Stall. SR: Dross, I'm not even going to try to figure out what goes in Joe Petrow's mind. [Mr. Majestyk immediately drops an elbow on Macbeth's left knee, then drags him to the ropes. 4M drapes the knee over the bottom ropes, straddles Duncan's leg and drops down. That brings a bitten-off cry of pain out of Macbeth, and that in turn brings a big smile to McArthur's face. Again dragging the champion by his bad leg, he pulls him around, setting him up for the figure-four. He pauses briefly for a "WHOOO!" that is spoiled when his voice cracks in the middle, then applies the feared finishing hold.] TD: I don't believe what I am seeing! Much-maligned Maurice McArthur has Duncan Macbeth in the figure-four leglock, and he might be about to pull off an amazing upset! SR: Do you see now, Dross? Do you see what the Soundbite Stall will do for your career? Are you finally starting to understand? TD: Macbeth is straining to reach the ropes, and I think he is going to get there! He's just too strong for 4M, and he is literally dragging him across the ring, inch-by-inch. He's almost there... another inch or two.... yes! He's there! McArthur has to break the hold! But now look at 4M! [As Macbeth tries to get feeling back into his knee, McArthur stands over him and waves his arms at his waist in the universal gesture of "I'm the real champion" here. Sadly, one of the great moments of the Majestyk One's career is cut short by a vicious low blow from Macbeth.] TD: Ohh! That low blow has 4M in the fetal position! And Dave D'Amato is starting the ten count, because both men are down here! What? I'm being told that something is happening in the aisle! [The camera pans to the ring entrance, where the Machines are making their way toward the squared circle.] SR: Oh, boy. Another tag team. TD: Obviously, the Machines are looking to get some revenge for the beating that Paul Wong took at the hands of Team Sychosys on Wednesday. [As the Machines get to the ring, they split up and start heading to opposite sides. But before they can take more than a couple steps, they are attacked -- Paul Wong by Joe Petrow, and Simon O'Neal by, of all people, Timothy Turner.] TD: Look at this! TNT and Sychosys are on opposite sides of this match, but they are teaming up to attack the Machines! And now their partners are joining in! Timothy Turner and Maurice McArthur are pounding Simon O'Neal, while Paul Wong is getting a beating from Joe Petrow and Duncan Macbeth! This is unbelievable! This has to make our new VP proud -- seeing two of the IIWF's top tag teams taking his "Wrestle Clean" program to heart and putting aside their differences to stop a dastardly sneak attack! SR: [snoring] [Even with 4M and Duncan at less than 100 percent, the Machines have little chance against a 4-on-2 attack, and they are quickly escorted back to the dressing room by the IIWF security staff. The four men climb back into the ring, and D'Amato signals TNT and Petrow to leave so that the match can resume. Turner heads for his corner, but Petrow quickly scoops up his partner and fires him at Macbeth like a dart. Just before 4M slams into the Scot, he spreads himself and hits what turns out to be a textbook flying cross-body block. The referee drops to count... One... Two...] TD: No!! Timothy Turner heard the collision and he turned around just in time to make the save! But Duncan Macbeth is still in trouble! He really should not be wrestling in this condition! [Turner is all over 4M, but is quickly flattened by a charging Petrow. As those two start to fire away at each other, Duncan Macbeth gets up, and grabs 4M. In seconds, McArthur is upside down above the Scot's head, about to become the next victim of the Highland Hammer.] TD: This could be it! The Intercontinental Champion is holding Maurice McArthur over his head, and is about to drop him down into a tombstone piledriver! That will end the match for sure! Wait! Look at this! Macbeth is staggering -- he can't keep his balance! He's wobbling and... OH MY GOD! [Macbeth's lack of balance causes him to fall into the ropes. At that point, the weight of 4M causes him to tumble over the ropes and send both men into a frightening crash to the arena floor. As they lie in a heap, the camera pans back to the ring, where Petrow has gained the advantage over Turner. He drops TNT with an enzuigiri, then scoops him up into position for a Tombstone Piledriver.] TD: He's going for the Knightmare! This could be it! [Indeed, Petrow hooks his arms into TNT's armpits, lifts him up and drives him into the mat in an inverted crucifix slam. He quickly covers his stunned opponent, who makes no effort to kick out. Seconds later, the bell rings, and Petrow leaps to his feet, pumping the air in victory.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, referee Dave D'Amato has counted both Duncan Macbeth and Maurice McArthur out of the ring. As a result, this match is a DRAW!! [Instantly, Petrow's expression changes from joy to confusion until he sees the carnage outside the ring. He hops down to the floor, and helps up his partner, who is dazed but hasn't suffered any major damage. That's not the case for the already-injured Duncan Macbeth, who is unconscious on the floor. McArthur and Petrow signal to the back for help, and the EMT crew arrives at about the same time as TNT. The Canadian star hovers over his partner, who is finally placed onto a stretcher and rolled away for the second time in as many days.] TD: Fans, we will try to get you an update on Duncan Macbeth's condition before we go off the air tonight. Obviously, his injury has marred what was becoming a great match. I think both of these teams have proven that they are indeed threats to the Natural Predators' tag belts. Wouldn't you agree, Steve Roberts? SR: Is it over yet? TD: Yes, it is. SR: Oh good. TD: Folks, Shadoe Rage has been one of the biggest headline-makers since his win at Snow Brawl several weeks ago -- and his month of booking rights continues here tonight. He has set up an over the top rope death match featuring Steve Manning, and "Team Psychosis", who are not, obviously Joe Petrow and Maurice McArthur, whom we have just seen in action. SR: We have? Can't say I noticed, Dross. TD: Let's get up to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| OVER THE TOP ROPE DEATH MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| "Savage" Shadoe Rage vs. Steve Manning vs. "Team Psychosis" ....................................................................... WRITER: Curt Kipp [Sparkplug Lee does nothing particularly unusual, clever or even stupid while entering the ring to make the introductions.] SL: This next contest is a four-way, over the top rope death match. Introducing first... [The Death March plays over the loudspeakers.] SL: He hails from Halifax, Nova Scotia, and is accompanied to ringside by his manager, Marissa Monet... standing 6 feet three inches tall and weighing in today at 248 pounds... here is the man who earned booking rights for the month of February with his victory at Snow Brawl... "Savage"... Shadoe... RAGE! [Rage enters the aisle, followed a few steps behind by his manager, Marissa Monet. With an expression of intensity on his sharply-defined face, he paces to the ring. He ignores the throng of fans reaching out and attempting to touch him. One of the fans gets frustrated and lands a slap to Shadoe's face, falling over the rail in the process. Security that had been following Rage out quickly subdues the fan, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.] TD: There's something that a fan should NEVER do, and that's try to get involved with the wrestlers, either on the way to the ring or at any other time. These wrestlers regard the ring as THEIR domain and they WILL hit someone they regard as an outsider. SR: This is great! Look at security! They're beating the CRAP out of that poor sap! TD: Oh, my... I don't think some of the other fans care for it, either. Let's hope we don't have any further incidents tonight. We've come close already to losing control here. The IIWF does not NEED this. [Rage reaches the ring and enters, the lovely Marissa holding the ropes open for him drawing some cheers of her own from the rabid fans.] SR: Panty flash! I saw it as she sat on the second rope! TD: Stop it, Steve Roberts. SL: Introducing next... ["The Frayed Ends of Sanity" by Metallica plays.] SL: He hails from Phoenix Arizona... standing 6 feet tall and weighing in at 230 pounds... "Sanguinary"... Steeeeve... Manning! [Manning enters the aisle with a disturbed look on his face. Pacing the aisle in a zigzag fashion, he shoots odd glares at the various ringside fans, several of which appear to take it personally.] TD: Please, Steve. Please don't get us in any more trouble tonight. SR: Dross, relax. If any more of these fans give the Double Eye any trouble tonight, I'll simply nail them with my magnificent moonsault. [Manning reaches the ring without further incident and suspiciously eyes Rage, carefully making note of his every move.] SL: And now... our third and fourth contestants... [Marissa Monet takes the microphone from Sparkplug.] MM: Ladies and gentlemen... since Team Sychosys couldn't make it because they're on the Magilla Gorilla World Tour... we decided to bring you something better. We're going to bring you a team that can spell... at a combined weight of 573lbs... Team Psychosis! [Snakes by Ol' Dirty Bastard plays. A tall muscular black man in a Joe Petrow mask comes out, followed quickly by a shorter black man in a "Majestyk" Maurice McArthur mask.] TD: [realizing what's happening] Oh my. SR: McArthur and Petrow look in GREAT shape tonight, Dross. With their teamwork I'm sure they'll quickly overcome both Manning and Rage, who are alone in this thing. TD: Steve Roberts, we just saw Team Sychosys in action, and that's NOT McArthur and Petrow. That's... [Back in the ring, Manning sees the two men coming down the aisle. Apparently recognizing who they are, the Sanguinary one flies into a rage -- Shadoe Rage, to be exact. He attacks the Savage one...] TD: That's Derek Rage and Dirt Dog Unique Allah under those masks -- and Steve Manning has SNAPPED! SR: That can't be Derek and Allah -- they're black, and those two men are white. Get your eyes checked, Dross. [The music fades as "Joe" and "Maurice" sprint to ringside to assist Shadoe Rage.] TD: "Savage" Shadoe Rage had promised two prelim opponents in this match -- and he gives us his own brother, and his brother's tag team partner, under masks! Those are the same masks you can get in the IIWF merchandise catalogue! SR: Masks? Those men just look a little wrinkled by the Puerto Rican sun to me. That's what you get for not using sunblock. TD: What about the black arms of the so-called McArthur and Petrow? SR: That, again, is what you get for not using sunblock. [Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: All four men are legal in the ring at once, and it's three on one -- the Age of Rage against Steve Manning! SR: I told you, that's not the Age of Rage. Don't you listen? TD: Never mind, Steve Roberts. [Derek Rage, Shadoe Rage and Dirt Dog Unique Allah gain the upper hand on Steve Manning. They trap him against the ropes and work him over with punches and backhands. They don't try to eliminate him right away, but instead are satisfied to punish him for a while. Manning absorbs their blows, fighting back less and less as time goes on...] TD: Steve Manning is in a bad way, and I'm sure he's wishing that Shadoe Rage had NEVER won those booking rights for the month of February... [...but then Allah slaps Manning in the face and he suddenly fights back with a passion. Manning hits an uppercut on Allah, staggering the Dirt Dog. He grabs the Rage brothers by the backs of their necks and does a double noggin knocker on them.] TD: Manning fighting back... [...Allah stumbles back into the picture and is greeted by a kick to the gut...] TD: ...DDT! SR: You know... I just thought of something. If I'm the Black Jesus... and _I am_... then I guess that might make "Savage" Shadoe Rage the _Mulatto_ Jesus. TD: Yeah... I'm sure he'd like that. [rolls his eyes] Manning now with a right hook to the jaw of Derek Rage! And another! Rage wipes a bit of blood off his lip... and Manning is clipped from behind by the Savage one! Meanwhile, Allah is still laid out from that DDT... no, he's slowly rising back to his feet. [The Rage brothers pick up Manning, who is a bit hobbled. They hold him by the ropes, and Allah backs up, ready to charge at Manning.] TD: Here comes Allah, ready to clothesline Manning and knock him to the outside... Manning ducks! Allah goes out over the top and lands HARD on the outside! The fans are just PELTING Allah with an assortment of beer cups, nacho containers... the works! And they've been doing this all evening, angry over the vicious attack on The Magnificent Carlitos by "Enigma" Takezo Musashi early this evening. SR: Allah looks about ready to bare his golden fangs and BITE one of these fans -- and I, for one, hope that he does. Stupid hot-tempered Hisp... TD: Let's not go there, Steve Roberts. I have to sit next to you, and anything that's aimed at YOU might hit ME. SR: I hope so. I plan on using you as my shield. NONE of that's hitting the Soundbite. [As if on cue, a wadded up, empty cup glances off the head of Steve Roberts.] SR: There! NOW look what you did! [Dross rolls his eyes.] TD: Anyway, security is escorting Dirt Dog Unique Allah to the back, probably for both his own good AND ours. Back in the ring, Derek Rage and Shadoe Rage have the upper hand on Manning again now. Derek goes to the outside and climbs the corner... Shadoe hooks Manning up and hits a power bomb! Now, Derek off the top... [Fans gasp!] TD: He MISSED! Derek Rage MISSED with the flying elbow! Manning bounced up after being powerbombed, and somehow sat up right before Derek could land the elbow! Unbelievable. [Derek Rage clutches his own elbow... and Shadoe goes to pick up Manning... rollup by Manning! The referee taps both men on the shoulder here, as neither pins nor submissions count in this match. They break the hold and stand... clothesline by Shadoe MISSES!] TD: Did you see that? Manning reached into his tights and nailed Shadoe Rage with something! SR: Yeah... his fist. Nothing illegal about that. TD: Actually, Steve Roberts, it IS illegal... wait a minute. You're right. This is a death match, anything goes. And it looks to me like he had some of those plastic brass knuckles. Even THAT is legal in this one, in accordance with the wishes of Shadoe Rage, who probably regrets it right about now. SR: I often wondered about those. If they're plastic, how can they be brass? TD: [ignoring Steve's question] Derek has rolled to the outside and he's apparently bringing out the big artillery. He clears the timekeeper out of his chair and takes it, glaring all the while at Manning. [Back in the ring, Manning winds up and throws another hook at Shadoe Rage, landing it to the side of the head. Shadoe drops to the canvas. Meanwhile, Derek Rage slides the chair and himself under the bottom rope and back into the ring. He swings the chair at Manning, but misses when Manning ducks.] TD: Referee takes the chair from Derek Rage... Rage arguing with the ref... here comes Steve Manning! [Manning charges him and starts to push him out over the top. Derek Rage hangs onto the top rope with all his might, but Manning succeeds in getting one of Rage's feet off the ground, with most of Rage's weight leaning heavily on that top rope.] TD: If Manning wants to eliminate Derek Rage, this is the way to do it -- get him while Shadoe Rage is down. He's lifting him, trying to get the right leverage... no. He drops him a bit and NAILS him with a headbutt. Now lifting again, he _almost_ has Derek Rage up and over... BOTH of Derek's feet are off the ground, but he's hanging on tightly. [Shadoe Rage finally rises to his feet. He looks around, then sees Steve Manning about to eliminate Derek Rage. He hurries over to help his brother.] TD: Shadoe Rage comes over to help his brother, Derek... Manning now on the ropes and going over... and gone! The Rage brothers succeed in putting Steve Manning over the top rope. But he put up a very valiant fight considering that he was outnumbered three-to-one. SR: Yeah. And Steve Manning is certainly someone that knows ALL about brotherhood! TD: Yes, the dark side of brotherhood, one could say. And that leaves Shadoe Rage and Derek Rage alone in the ring to fight and see who's going to win this thing. [Derek and Shadoe look each other in the eye. Then, simultaneously, both explode into a torrent of brawling. Rights, lefts, hooks, uppercuts... over and over again.] TD: Two brothers going at it! I guess they both want to win this match! Derek with a reverse knife edge chop! Shadoe... Shadoe with an eye gouge! Derek Rage doubled over in pain. SR: Shadoe is the smaller of the two men here, and he's really put himself through the wringer the past few weeks, particularly when he faced three opponents last week. He needs to take Derek down onto the mat and wear him out that way. He's not going to outslug his much larger brother. TD: So you finally admit that's Derek Rage and not Joe Petrow? SR: No. I was just humoring you. [Tim Dross sighs.] TD: At any rate, Shadoe drops and rolls to the outside rather than slug it out in the ring... and he's after that chair the ref threw to the outside a while ago. SR: Derek, ahem, "Joe" isn't going to wait for him, either! He's coming out after him. [Derek Rage rolls to the outside, his feet land on the floor... and he is greeted by a vicious chairshot from Shadoe Rage.] TD: Ouch! That had to hurt. And Shadoe, looking concerned, now carefully examines the spot on Derek's forehead that has opened up to see if he is okay... Oh my! Derek takes the chance to belt his brother one, right in the -- SR: The wedding tackle, Dross. You know... the Full Monty. And I'd say he's compressed it down to about a half Monty. TD: No joke, as Shadoe is doubled over in pain! Derek now grasps his bent-over brother around the waist, lifts him up in a gutwrench motion... gutwrench suplex! Oh my! [Security guards have to rush in to cut off someone who jumped the rail to go after the Rage brothers.] TD: Fans... like I said before. NEVER go after the wrestlers. They will take you apart in a heartbeat. SR: And _I_ say, fans... go for it! Get in there and show your stuff! Just stay away from The Bite, or I'll lay the sweet moonsault on your ass. You'll be eaten alive like one of my biscuits. TD: I'd say some of them could KICK your biscuits, Steve Roberts. But why do you want them in there? It's dangerous! They could get hurt! SR: Now you're catching on. Nothing like mindless violence, especially with the fans involved! Now THAT's interactive! [The Rage brothers get back to brawling, both recovering from that gutwrench suplex.] TD: Derek Rage now whipping his brother to the guardrail... REVERSED! Shadoe reversed it and Derek catches a gut full of that guardrail! And some very stupid fan slaps him in the face! Derek is PISSED! He hauls off and... SR: Dammit! Why does security ALWAYS have to be there to stop these things!? TD: Security holding back the arm of Derek Rage just as he had it cocked... and Shadoe takes advantage with a kidney kick to the back of Derek. You know, Steve Roberts, I'm not sure we should bring Steve Kowalski out here for the main event. This crowd is too much. I think if they don't improve their behavior, we should warn them that the rest of the card will be cancelled. And they're not likely to behave with the Fury working them up further from what they already are. SR: You're a party pooper, Dross. Riots have a bad name for no good reason at all. In actuality, I think they're pretty fun. TD: Derek just leveled Shadoe with a clothesline, and now he's rolling him back into the ring. Derek throws Shadoe to the ropes, catches him in a tilt-a-whirl -- Shadoe gets out and lands on his feet! Oh my! He hooks DEREK up for the tilt-a-whirl, has him up -- and it's reversed again! And Derek NAILS Shadoe with that tilt-a-whirl piledriver! [Derek rises quickly from that move, while Shadoe remains planted on the mat. Derek runs to the rope... ] TD: Double boot stomp by Derek! And now, he lifts Shadoe to his feet, taking him to the corner... [Derek sets Shadoe on the top turnbuckle sideways. Then Derek himself climbs up there. Facing his brother, he picks Shadoe up in a body slam motion...] TD: Oh, no... oh, God, no. Derek has the powerslam set up, but he's pointed to the outside... [The crowd gasp... and then comes the almighty *CRASH*!] SR: Yeahhhhh! That was awesome! TD: Folks... Derek Rage just powerslammed Shadoe Rage through the timekeeper's table on the outside... [Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: ...but Shadoe reversed it. Shadoe managed to roll through the move in midair and Derek was the one who ended up on the bottom. Let's go to Sparkplug for the official announcement. SL: Ladies and gentlemen, Derek Rage was the first one to touch the floor on the outside after both men went over the top rope. Therefore, your winner of this over the top death match... "Savage"... Shadoe Rage! ["The Death March" plays as Marissa Monet moves to the side of her man once more and drags him from the smashed wreckage of the timekeeper's table, while Derek lies there, chest heaving. Shadoe is clearly in a bad way, bruised and battered, as Monet supports his weight to help him from ringside.] TD: Shadoe Rage has been through a war here tonight, just as he has every week this month. But he has just seven days to heal up, folks, because the challenge is set: next Saturday Night, Shadoe Rage will meet the IIWF Champion -- be it Steve "the Fury" Kowalski or the Subway Psycho -- in non-title action, and if he is victorious in that match, not only will he receive a title shot at Ring Wars V on March 21... but he will be able to dictate the stipulations of that title match! [Shadoe limps up the aisle, half under his own steam and half leaning on Monet, while at ringside, Pizzazz and Medusa arrive on the scene to help Derek to his feet and away from ringside, as fans behind the barriers continue to jeer and shout. Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: The atmosphere out here is really... well, dangerous, Steve Roberts. These fans are just about at boiling point... and it's only going to get hotter when the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, Steve "the Fury" Kowalski, makes his appearance in just a moment. Kowalski has been on an incredibly punishing schedule since capturing that title for the second time at Snow Brawl back in January, and he is rapidly establishing himself as one of the great IIWF champions of all time. Which makes it all the more fitting that tonight he goes up against a man upon whom the title of "People's Champion" was bestowed after he was stripped of the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship back in the summer of 1996. This man was never pinned for the belt he has coveted ever since, and many observers are predicting that this could be the Last Chance Saloon for the Subway Psycho. SR: It's a squash, baby dolls. Skullpump City. TD: I doubt that very much, Steve Roberts. Let's get up to the ring for tonight's main event! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. Subway Psycho ....................................................................... WRITER: Shawn Kilpatrick [Sparkplug Lee hurriedly makes his way back into the ring, dodging the odd bit of debris hurled at the ring by several unruly fans at ringside, and pulls out the lineup card as fast as he is able in his haste to get the final introductions over with as quickly as possible and get the hell out of Bayamon.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening, and is for the IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE! [A raucous cheer rises from the Puerto Rican fans, and another volley of debris pelts the ring, and Sparkplug. Sparky gulps nervously as he dodges the paper cups, but forges on.] SR: [over headset] Don't worry, Sparky. In the barrio, throwing garbage at a guy is a compliment! TD: [over headset] They're certainly being quite complimentary, Steve. The security teams are just barely holding this crowd in check after that last match, and this main event just might blow the roof off here at the Juan Lubriel Stadium! SR: Who the hell is this "Lubriel" guy, anyway? Sounds like one of Becky's party pals... SL: Introducing first, the challenger! He is a former IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, hailing from the subways of New York City, and weighing in at 255 pounds, here is the "People's Champion", the SUBWAY PSYCHO! [Randy Rhoads' crunching guitar draws a loud pop from the capacity crowd, as "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Ozbourne pounds out of the P.A. and the Subway Psycho, clad in his ragged gray tights and his face streaked with black paint, emerges from the entrance and begins making his way to the ring, past the lines of guards struggling to keep the rowdier ringside fans at bay. The Psycho takes no notice of the chaos all around him, and keeps his eyes focused on the ring as he approaches, slipping into the ring with little fanfare and submitting to the inspection of referee Dave D'Amato, as a hail of paper cups continues to pour into the ring. The Psycho doesn't even flinch as several cups score direct hits on his chest and head, but keeps his eyes firmly locked on the end of the aisle, awaiting the appearance of his opponent.] TD: Here is the "People's Champion", the Subway Psycho, and what a career he has had, Steve Roberts. A former IIWF Champion, memorable feuds with the likes of Otto "The Butcher" Verhoeven, J.W. Hardin, the Syndicate... but he seems to be like a ship without a rudder these days. The Psycho is currently embroiled in a bitter feud with his former friend and tag team partner Tony Starks, but it is strangely one-sided, with the Psycho seemingly apathetic to the conflict. SR: You know, Dross, I once had a dog that got old, and sick, and feeble, and started walking into walls and stuff. It made me sad just watching the poor thing try to eat, or find his squeaky toys, or lift his poor arthritic little hind leg to take a leak, and then he'd just fall over. Real heart-tugging stuff. You know what happened to that poor little doggie, Dross? TD: [pause] What? SR: Beats the hell outta me. We put him down in the basement one day after he barfed on the carpet, and just sort of forgot about him. For all I know, he's still down there, decaying behind the furnace or something. TD: Where are you going with this, Steve? SR: I'm just saying that any poor creature that's too old, tired, and lame to lead a useful life should be put down and spared any further misery. That advice can be applied to anything from dying animals to dying IIWF careers. TD: Ouch. Well, at any rate, the Subway Psycho certainly has a golden opportunity to give his flagging fortunes in the IWF a shot in the arm tonight, with a chance to regain the Heavyweight Title! SL: And his opponent, hailing from Newark, New Jersey and weighing in at 268 pounds, here is the reigning IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, the "New Jersey Nightmare", STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI! ["Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult blasts from the P.A., and the crowd goes absolutely nuts for IIWF Champion Steve Kowalski as he appears in the entranceway, grinning from ear to ear as he chomps away at a stogie jutting from the corner of his mouth. A volley of fireworks goes off high above the ring, nearly deafening everyone in the stadium, and the crowd at ringside surges forward, trying to get a better glimpse of the champ, and seriously taxing the efforts of the security guards who strain to holds the fans back. Kowalski barks insults at several of the more obnoxious fans at ringside, and is promptly rewarded with a shower of garbage. The Fury just laughs at the assault, but nonetheless speed up his gait as he climbs into the ring under a hail of paper cups, pulls the stogie from his mouth and flicks it at the Psycho. The cigar butt bounces off the New Yorker's chest and out of the ring, but the Psycho just continues to stare a hole through Kowalski, intensity gleaming in his eyes. Kowalski just smirks at the Subway Psycho as D'Amato pats him down then begins to slowly circle as the referee calls for the bell to start the match -- Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Steve Kowalski, the IIWF Heavyweight champ, now in the ring, and wasting no time in getting this match underway, Steve Roberts. The way things are going here tonight, I can understand if the Fury just wants to get this match over with and get out of Puerto Rico as soon as possible. SR: I heard that, Dross. As soon as Kowalski Skullpumps this stiff through the mat, we're back on the plane to civilisation, baby dolls. TD: And it will be Steve Kowalski who will be racking up the frequent-flyer miles in the coming weeks, as he is slated to face Shadoe Rage in a non-title bout in Nagano, Japan, next week, and then it will be off to the Skydome in Toronto for the big IIeW inter-fed tournament, and a big match against Mad Dog Watkins. But tonight, he has his hands full with the former champion, the Subway Psycho, looking to regain the form that led him to the Heavyweight crown. SR: It's down in the basement. With my poor, dead, rotting doggie. I miss my doggie, Dross. [Kowalski and the Psycho lock up, and it is the Subway Psycho who manages to trap Kowalski in a Japanese arm bar, following it up with a vicious crescent kick that sends the champion crashing to the mat! Pop! The Psycho wastes no time in driving a elbow into Kowalski's right temple, then pulls the Fury to his feet, sends him into the ropes, and nails him on the rebound with a lariat that nearly decapitates the champion! The crowd goes crazy as the Psycho pulls the surprised Kowalski up once more, goes behind, and yanks Kowalski up and over with a belly-to-back suplex, driving Kowalski's head and shoulders hard into the mat! Big pop!] TD: The Subway Psycho is off to a ferocious start, Steve Roberts! He has opened this bout with all guns blazing, and the champ is reeling! SR: That was more wrestling from the Stinker than we've seen in the last two months right there, Dross. Guess he was saving it up for a rainy day -- or a hot, muggy night in a stadium full of sweaty, pissed-off Puerto Ricans. [The Psycho goes for a cover, and D'Amato drops for the count -- 1 -- 2 -- kickout! Kowalski scrambles to his feet, enraged, but walks right into a foot to the midsection from the Subway Psycho! As the Fury doubles over from the blow, the Psycho slaps on a quick facelock and BAM! drives Kowalski's head into the mat with a lightning-quick DDT! Incredible pop! The Psycho covers again -- 1 -- 2 -- kickout! Pop!] TD: Look at the intensity from the Subway Psycho! He is showing the form that won him the IIWF World Title, and he has got Steve Kowalski on the ropes! SR: What the hell is this? Who is that guy, and what has he done with the Subway Stinker? And who cares? [The Psycho slaps the mat in frustration as D'Amato holds up two fingers, and roughly hauls Kowalski to his feet by the hair, and slaps on a reverse facelock. But as the Psycho drives his heels into the mat to pull the Fury up for a suplex, Kowalski blocks! Pop! The Psycho tries again, but Kowalski blocks the second attempt, and incredibly, grabs the Psycho's head and pulls him high into the air instead! Flashbulbs go off all over the arena as Kowalski holds up the Psycho in the tower suplex, then walks over to the ropes and drops the Psycho across the top rope, driving the taut cable into the Psycho's neck! Huge pop! The Psycho snaps off the rope and collapses in a heap outside the ring, as kowalski stumbles to the corner and leans against the turnbuckles, catching his breath.] TD: What a desperation move by Steve "The Fury" Kowalski! He turned that suplex attempt around and has turned the tide of this match! The Subway Psycho is on the floor just a few yards from our broadcast position, and he appears to be having difficulty breathing! SR: That's what happens to people who choke, Dross. And soon he'll be choking on a Skullpump. [Kowalski stays propped up in the corner for long seconds as the crowd begins to get unruly again, screaming at the two wrestlers to fight, and a paper cup bounces off the back of the champion's head. This affront seems to fire the champion, and he climbs through the ropes to the outside, where the Psycho is just beginning to rise to his knees. Kowalski takes a moment to measure his opponent, then charges across the floor and catches the Psycho with a huge running kneelift to the head which sends the New Yorker crashing into a crowd barrier! Big pop! The champion instantly picks up the wooden ring steps, rushes over to the fallen wrestler, and brings the steps down across the back of the Psycho! The steps bounce away across the floor as the Psycho slumps to the concrete, with the Fury standing over him, cackling with glee and ignoring the trash being thrown all around him from the ringside fans.] TD: The IIWF Champion is all business out there now, Steve Roberts! He is being utterly merciless in his treatment of the Subway Psycho! SR: That's why he's the champ, baby dolls. He can go in the ring, and out. He knows when to wrestle, when to brawl, and when to tell Osterhout to take his "Wrestle Clean" crap and shove it! [D'Amato's count has reached eight when Kowalski finally yanks up the Psycho and tosses him back into the ring, rolling under the bottom rope just in time to beat the ten count. The champ pulls up the Psycho again, setting him up for a Tiger Driver, but before he can execute, the Psycho pulls him down into a cradle pin! D'Amato instantly drops -- 1 -- 2 -- kickout! Kowalski is furious, and abandons any technical strategy he may have had planned to leap on top of the Psycho and hammer him with a volley of lefts and rights before the ref steps in to break it up. The momentary distraction is all the Psycho needs to raise a knee hard into the groin of the Fury! Pop!] TD: Oh my goodness! The Subway Psycho has served notice that he is still alive and kicking! SR: Well, he's kicking, anyway, but I doubt he'll be alive for much longer after doing that to the Fury! TD: Regardless of the legalities, the Psycho has fought his way out of a corner, and he is back in control! [The Psycho is a little slow to get up, but he beats Kowalski to his feet, and hauls him up, sending him towards the corner with an Irish whip. But suddenly, the Fury digs in his heels and reverses the whip, sending the Psycho hurtling full-tilt into the turnbuckles! Incredibly, the Subway Psycho gets a foot up before impact, and runs up the turnbuckles, launching himself up and over with a beautifully executed moonsault that catches Kowalski completely by surprise! Incredible pop! The Psycho smashes into the champion and drives him into the mat, covering for the pin as D'Amato rushes in to count -- 1 -- 2 -- Kowalski drives a shoulder up! The crowd roars with excitement, and lets loose with another hail of cups.] TD: Unbelievable! The Psycho pulled that move out of nowhere, and we very nearly saw a new champion! SR: That ain't the Stinker, Dross! That's an impostor! Where's the shy, quiet, foul-smelling layabout we all know and despise? TD: This is certainly a different Psycho we are seeing tonight, Steve. He's pulling out all the stops here in the Juan Lubriel Stadium, and he's getting closer and closer to unseating Steve "The Fury" Kowalski! [The Psycho's rally is suddenly cut short, though, as Kowalski jams both thumbs into the New Yorker's eye sockets, causing the Psycho to bellow in pain and roll off, clutching his face. Kowalski pulls himself up to his feet, waits for the Psycho to rise to his knees, then hits the ropes and bounces off, nailing the Psycho with a running lariat that flattens him once again! Pop! Kowalski follows up with a vicious elbow strike to the Psycho's vulnerable throat area that leaves the Psycho bouncing in pain on the canvas, then pulls up the reeling underground dweller and tosses him over his head with a big fallaway slam!] TD: The champion is reasserting himself with authority now, Steve. After the Subway Psycho's remarkable run, he seems to have run down his batteries, and the Fury is taking full advantage. SR: Won't be long now, Dross. One Skullpump, comin' right up. You want fries with that? [As Kowalski hauls up the Psycho and plants him once again into the mat with a Tiger Driver, all eyes in the stadium turn to the wrestlers' entrance, and a big pop goes up from the crowd as a grim-faced Tony Starks appears and begins slowly walking to ringside, ignoring the paper cups thrown at him from the ringside fans as he glares at the Psycho, never taking his eyes off of his former friend and partner. In the ring, the Psycho is reeling from the pure focus and intensity of the rallying champion's attack, as Kowalski drops a knee across the forehead of the Psycho and goes for a pin -- 1 -- 2 -- Kowalski pulls the Psycho up! Huge pop! Garbage begins to fly into the ring as Kowalski, firing on all cylinders now, pulls up the Psycho and plants him into the mat with a big belly-to-back suplex as Starks reaches ringside.] TD: The Subway Psycho is in a world of trouble now, and to make matters worse, Tony Starks is now at ringside. Things are not looking good for the People's Champion, Steve Roberts. SR: "People's Champion" my ass, Dross. If he's their champ, then I guess the people are a bunch of lazy, unmotivated, mouth-breathing morons. Then again, he may have a point after all... [As Kowalski pulls the Psycho up once again, Starks grabs a folding chair from ringside, taking care to stay out of sight of D'Amato. The Fury sends the Subway Psycho into the ropes, setting him up for another lariat, but as the Psycho hits the ropes, Starks swings the chair, scoring a direct hit on the Psycho's lower back! The Psycho reels off the ropes clutching his back, straight into a stiff-armed clothesline from Steve Kowalski! Huge pop!] TD: Oh my goodness! Starks just waffled the Subway Psycho with that chair, and D'Amato didn't see it! The Psycho is in a bad way now, Steve! SR: Listen to that, Dross. Sweet music to my ears! [As Steve Kowalski stands over the crumpled form of the Subway Psycho, a thunderous chant of "SKULL-PUMP! SKULL-PUMP! SKULL-PUMP!" rises from the capacity crowd, and the hail of trash intensifies as Starks makes his way back up the aisle and out of the arena, a satisfied grin crossing his face. Kowalski takes a few moments to soak in the cheers of the crowd, but in reality, he has all the time in the world before he finally pulls up the Psycho and hooks the arms!] TD: Here it comes! SR: Adios, jabrone! [The Fury plants his feet, and the Psycho makes a last-ditch struggle to break the hold, but it is too little, too late, as Kowalski heaves the Subway Psycho high into the air, then savagely jerks him down, snapping his body in the air and driving his head and shoulders deep into the mat! Incredible pop! Kowalski is grinning from ear to ear as he reclines against the heaving chest of the Psycho, lacing his fingers behind his head and whistling as D'Amato records the pinfall -- 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... and STILL IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI! [The roof of the Juan Lubriel Stadium threatens to blow off, as an incredible cheer rises from the crowd as D'Amato raises Kowalski's arm in victory and hands him the IIWF World Title belt, which the Fury parades around the ring as "Don't Fear The Reaper" blasts once again from the P.A. and another deafening round of fireworks go off in the rigging high over the ring. The crowd continue to shower the ring with a cascade of paper cups and trash, and Kowalski cuts short his celebrations to take cover, as D'Amato and Lee clear out of the ring to avoid the onslaught, leaving the unconcsious Psycho in the ring to take the full brunt. Kowalski starts to make his way up the aisle, but stops as a figure appears at the ead of the aisle.] TD: What an incredible match, and an incredible victory from the IIWF Champion! Steve Kowalski proving without a doubt just who the main man in the IIWF is, and... wait a second, there's some sort of disturbance in the aisle... who is that? SR: Can't see, Dross, but whoever it is, he's really pissing these folks off! Look at the garbage fly! It looks like someone set off a pipe bomb in a dumpster! [Kowalski glares up the aisle as the figure approaches, and the crowd goes absolutely berserk with rage as "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi comes into camera view, hurling insults at the IIWF Champion! The Fury starts forward, cursing at the Cruiserweight champ, but backs off as the crowd suddenly surges against the straining security guards, a howling heel pop drowning out Musashi's ranting!] TD: We have a serious situation here folks! "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi, after his heinous and utterly unwarranted assault on Puerto Rican wrestling legend The Magnificent Carlitos, has appeared once again to call out Steve Kowalski! SR: He's insane, Dross! Look at these morons -- they want to kill him! And the guards can't hold them back! We're gonna see a lynching! This is great! TD: Security is in danger of completely breaking down here! I don't think Musashi realises to what extent he has insulted and enraged these Puerto Rican fans! They're starting to spill over the railings! [Musashi stops his haranguing of Kowalski and looks down the aisle, where a section of fans have managed to fight their way through the line of guards, and clamber over the steel barriers into the aisle! The crowd pops as they see the breakdown, and another great surge of humanity pushes against the flagging guards, and fans begin to swarm into the ringside area!] TD: We're getting swamped! These fans are livid with rage at Takezo Musashi, and they're breaking through the guards to get at him! We've got to get out of here, Steve! Steve! [Roberts has climbed on top of the announcers' table, and he is holding a broken table led in his hand, jabbing it up the aisle in the direction of "The Enigma", who has been surrounded by guards who are trying to hastily remove him from the stadium.] SR: There he is, amigos! Get him! Kill that stinkin' Laotian bastard! TD: We're all out of time folks! Out of time! Obviously, Vice-President Osterhout's "Wrestle Clean" policy has been a dismal failure here in Bayamon, and on top of it all, we may very well see some Puerto Rican vigilante justice dished out to "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi here tonight! We are abandoning our broadcast position before we get crushed in this sea of humanity, but we'll have a full breakdown of these shocking events here in the Juan Lubriel Stadium thins Tuesday on "Inside The IIWF"! For my broadcast colleague Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long everybody! [Chaos reigns in the arena, as the line of guards completely breaks down, and a flood of angry Puerto Ricans flood into the aisle amid a cyclone of flying cups and trash, racing up the aisle in pursuit of "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi, who is quickly bundled up the aisle and out by a group of guards, flailing away at angry fans as they struggle to escape the mob's clutches. Kowalski climbs into a vacated section of the ringside seats to escape the rush of the crowd, while in the ring, the still-unconscious Subway Psycho is missing the entire proceedings. Dross climbs under the table to escape the torrent of trash, while Roberts, swinging his table leg, leaps off the table and joins in the pursuit of Musashi, screaming "C'mon, Dross! You wanna live forever?" as the scene fades to black.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+