________      __ ___                           | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|                           | || | \ v  v / | __|                           |_||_|  \_/\_/  |_|                         __ __       __ _______   __                  |    //_  / | /| //_ /__   / | /__|\__/                  | / //   /  // |//      \ /  //   /  /                  |/|//__ /__//  //_______//__//   /__/                        ___  ___      ___   ________                  |    //__| /__\     /__\  /  //  //|/|                  | / //   //   \    /   \ /  //  // / |                  |/|//   //    /   /    //__//__//    |                  -------------------------------------- Reggio Calabria Club, Melbourne, Australia Wednesday 4 March 1998 [Men at Work's "Down Under" acts as this weeks theme, with stock footage of the Australian Outback, Kangaroos looking on in curiosity, a wombat munching on wild fruits, and those funny lizards with the spread arms chasing after Larry Morton. Cut to our intrepid trio of Larry, Dave, and Becky, who are sitting at an outdoor cafe. Becky is ravishing as always, dressed in a tight green dress to match her eyes, Dave looking more and more professional every day in his grey suit and Havana rolled cigars, and Larry in a comfortable pair of jeans and a casual dress shirt with "Outback" printed on the corner] LM: G'day Mate! DB: [to Becky] Told you. Pay up. [Becky grumbles and passes over a $100 bill to Dave Bacon grudgingly] BL: Didn't think even HE was that much of a dork. LM: And welcome to yet another edition of the War Room. I'm your intrepid... DB: ...insipid.... LM: Host... BL: For now. LM: Larry Mo... DB: And Curly! [Larry looks over at them, flustered] LM: Look, I'm Larry Mor... BL: ...On! LM: Larry Morton. And my two colleagues... DB: Very nice. BL: Not co-hosts. LM: Dave Bacon and Rebecca LaRue. DB: Today's show is brought to you by the Subaru Outback, spoken highly of by most Australian actors. BL: It is not. DB: Maybe, but for that senseless promo, I get a free car. BL: Damn you. LM: Welcome to Melbourne. One of Australia's Largest and most beautiful cities, home of the Museum of Victoria, the Melbourne Public Gardens, and one of the most renowned zoos in the world. DB: Home too of the Reggio Calabria Club, one of the few places in Ozzieland where pro wrestling events are still held, and home this week to the War Room. BL: Today, we get to see that young violent stallion, Andrew Macbeth in Action. DB: The long awaited return to action of the Machines. LM: Damien Lestat takes on Battalion! DB: And lest we forget our heritage tag match up between the Harlequins and the Prophets of Rage...now there's a main event, if ever I saw one. Doesn't even need to be an "Outback Brawl". LM: Charles Scheffield takes on Luke Steele! BL: And our main event which features two hot....young...talents... "To Excess" Rick Williams takes on "Intrepid" Ryan Howard! LM: Let's start things off here on the Wednesday War Room! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Andrew Macbeth vs. Scott "The Whine" Bloom [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Double Eye attracted four celebrities to attend the festivities tonight in the crowded Calabrio, as Paul Hogan and his wife, Linda Koslowski, "Muriel's Wedding" Star Toni Collette, and Former European Heavyweight champion Josef "The Cavalier" Tadeuscz all made their presence known tonight. Liana Oates also made her presence felt when she arrived in all her splendour amidst a sea of cheers wearing a skin-tight black leather miniskirt and a red silk see through blouse, and a black Australian Outback hat. Scott Bloom, on the other hand, got on the Australians' nerves early by saying he just found out Fosters really wasn't Australian for beer...saying it tasted more like Horse Whizz. The Aussie crowd erupted for Andrew Macbeth, a real tough man, who totally wiped the floor with Bloom with a barrage of out and out brawling and any number of times he resembled a beast more than a man, biting, raking fingernails across Bloom's back. For once, the crowd sympathised with his whining. Macbeth earned a quick pinfall after hitting a piledriver in the OLDEST sense of the move. Winner: Andrew Macbeth, by pinfall, 2:43 DB: Macbeth may be a beast, but with him, you at least have a sense of what Professional wrestling really is. It's a battle, and this brute may be the first man we've seen in ages who can carry off moves like this. BL: I love big men. I love the way the work, I love their moves, I love... DB: Can we keep this to ring topics today, hmm? BL: Macbeth has potential to become legendary. How's that? LM: Without a doubt, Andrew's style different from his brother's...it's a question of how much longer before these two rowdy Scots face each other in the ring. BL: I'll lay pay on Randy Andy, any day. LM: Right now we have the chance to see the re-debut of another old favourite team, the Machines. BL: Wong's so cute! DB: I' not sure what to make of these boys anymore. I mean, they're violent, crude, nasty....there's something to them that doesn't sit right...like they've lost focus. BL: Well, Marty W. proved me wrong on Monday... maybe they can prove you wrong. Although that's a sight I'd rather not see. LM: Let's go to the footage. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Machines vs. Barnacle Brothers [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Machines experienced an Ozzie heel entrance, doused by cups of beer on their way to the ring. Wong smiled, still brandishing "Binky the Chainsaw" to the camera and saying "Hey, I wouldn't pay for this beer..." to Simon O'Neal's approval. The Barnacle Boys, courting approval, entered to Monty Python's "Bruces" song, which raised a loud raucous bellow of cheers....until Bluto was caught from behind by Terror of the Harlequins. Terror tore into the JJS member with unbridled rage, screaming "I want Binky Back!" and pointing at Wong. Seadog eventually chased off Terror with a chair, but with Bluto injured, he had no choice but to face the new and improved Machines alone. Simon O'Neal was as vicious as ever in a series of chops, bites, kicks, and stomps, but it was Paul Wong who truly overwhelmed the hapless Seadog, with the end result of him "Being Machined". After the match, Wong Gorilla pressed Seadog and tossed him over the top rope onto the concrete, leaving with Binky. WINNERS: Machines, by Pinfall, 3:34 LM: Wow. BL: Just the beginning of new things, babe...and now that Paul's got balls, maybe he's good enough for the Becky Blast instead of the Gojira Blast... DB: He may need that thing later in life...like when he has to pee. BL: Ahem. [Adjusts herself, ladylike, casually offering an off camera gesture to Bacon] DB: Not on your life. I don't know if Wong is in the right mindset... but I'm impressed with the fact that they're a lot more fluid now than before. LM: Speaking of fluid.... DB: You gotta pee, right? LM: No, I meant to introduce the next match... DB: Nah, you gotta pee.... LM: No, really, I.... DB: Just don't think of Niagara Falls... BL: Or Noah's Ark.... DB: Or the Johnstown Floods.... BL: Or fountains.... [Larry jumps up, runs off to the nearest bathroom] David Bacon, that was truly nasty. DB: So why'd you join in? BL: Did I say I disapproved? Our next match-up features the return of a sneaky bastard team... I'm sorry Joe, Bob, I was really pulling for you. Dragons, you're nice guys, really. Now you know what they can do, next time you'll be ready for them. DB: Night Patrol in action. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Night Patrol vs. Rotundos [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Rotundos came to the ring wearing t-shirts which described their new philosophy of ring wrestling... "If you can't beat 'em, Eat 'em"... and proceeded to chase Liana off with a bottle of ketchup, taking the mic. Before they could speak, however, the Night Patrol entered the arena to a chant of "Yankee Wankers". The team of Garcia and Blazer, however, made mincemeat, per se, of the "Beat 'em Eat 'em" philosophy with a series of powerful moves. Jack Blazer finally earned the pin using a top rope Powerslam, though it looked more like a top rope push due to the ring almost caving in under the Rotundo's weight. WINNERS: Night Patrol, by Pinfall, 4:11 BL: Nasty. DB: But not as bad as the Machines. I don't know. The era of the fan favourite tag team seems to be dying. While the Predators and the American Dragons both seem willing to do what the public wants of them....which believe me is not always the best thing...teams like Night Patrol, the Harlequins, the Prophets of Rage...even the champion Down Boys...seem to thrive on back-stabbing in the middle of a match, or using some sort of an illegal advantage. BL: Well, let's look at the Fabulous Ones this past weekend against Team Sychosys. Both rulebreakers, both having their own cult following... Tough match based on mutual respect. DB: Or the Predators/Down Boys. And Steve Roberts, you can kiss my rosy red ass, at least those two teams could DO something other than rely on outside interference. Hell, look at men like Duncan Macbeth or Marty Warnett... BL: Mmm.....Marty... DB: Not like that! I mean, they may not fit into the niche, per se, and I may not always agree with them...but hell, they can get the job done without outside interference. Like Ryan Howard, like Derek Mota, like Tim Turner. And that takes guts. BL: Wonder where Larry went? DB: He had eighteen Cokes on the bus here....man cannot take the heat. BL: He did not. DB: Maybe not, but by saying he did, I just got myself a new jet-ski. BL: You sell-out! DB: Our next match features the enigmatic....no, not the Lithuanian Cruiserweight...but Moxy Blue, against the Lizard himself, El Super Gecko! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Richard "Moxy" Blue vs. El Super Gecko [J] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A chant of "Can't hurt the Gecko" started as the Double Eye's answer to the Luchadors stepped into the ring, only to be one upped by the entrance of the erstwhile Moxy Blue and his "associate", Stone, who bore the lightest superstar in the Double I to ringside on his shoulders. Moxy catapulted over the top rope from a standing position on Stone's shoulders and the battle was on. Blue was a daredevil, wild, unseen ferocity that had the Ozzies cheering and laughing all at once, with sentons, hurricanranas, and moves that defied description. Derek Mota wandered down to the ring, just as Moxy was reversed into the ropes and fell, with Gecko prodding on the crowd by standing on the second turnbuckle. Moxy, who had faked the fall, rose to his feet, dashing in and leaping onto the sides of the middle turnbuckle , pressing on Gecko's shoulders and nailing a reverse somersault hurricanrana that left Gecko face down on the mat. To the roof rattling cheers of the crowd, Blue got the easy win, but as he turned to leave, Mota kicked him in the gut and nailed him with a moonsault savate kick. As Blue rose and Mota walked out, Stone having remained still through the whole ordeal, Blue stood and smiled, yelling "Next Time I'll beat you!" WINNER: Richard "Moxy" Blue, by Pinfall, 5:12 LM: Big win for the Night Patrol. DB: We've already done that one. BL: The Mota/Blue relationship seems to be altering more and more every day. DB: An odd alliance, this. Both men now seem to just want to one-up each other instead of fight each other... LM: Well, should they ever ally totally, they have the potential to go a long way as a tag team.... DB: Now on to something completely different... [Three men in the background shout "A man with three buttocks!" to raucous laughter] In the land of Monty Python.... BL: Demon Damien Lestat takes on the overrated Battalion in what can only be referred to as a "do or die match" for the buff blockbuster. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Demon" Damien Lestat vs. Battalion ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lestat got a rousing chorus of boos as he entered, but oddly enough, so did Battalion. In a dire attempt to draw some support, Battalion entered to "The Stars and Stripes Forever", yelling to the crowd, but to no avail as Lestat attacked quickly. Lestat, ever with "Mr. Coolie", made Battalion's life a living hell as he put him through the dirtiest tricks in the book, ever dodging Hugo Hugo's eyes. All in all, six groin shots, any number of chokes and throat chops, and a very few non-brawling moves set up the mammoth Battalion for "The Hoof", and a quick loss. Charles Sheffield came close to ringside to watch, but soon left, disgusted. Lestat opened Mr. Coolie and pulled out two wind-up toys with American flags on them, which he set marching around the fallen Battalion as he lay motionless. WINNER: "Demon" Damien Lestat, by pinfall, 3:12 DB: And Battalion endures humiliation yet again here in the Double Eye. LM: I had high hopes for him, I truly did...but he let us down, and in that, well... BL: Say it. He's toast. Kaput. He is no more, he has ceased to be.... DB: Time to join the bleedin' choir invisible. LM: Ahem. Yes. Well, our next match promises to be much bigger, as... DB: Hold it...this one's mine. Outback Brawl, no rules, no DQ Tag match between two legends in the Double Eye... Harlequins vs. the Prophets of Rage! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ OUTBACK BRAWL, FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE: Harlequins vs. Prophets of Rage ------------------------------------------------------------------------ DDUA and Derek arrived, with Pizzazz and Medusa, towing a dumpster full of objects for use in the ring and out. Tables, garbage cans, boards, bats, you name it, and they had it. Chaos and Terror, however, came out with nothing save their managers, and just walked straight into the ring, Terror still calling for Binky. From there, the match was brutal. Chaos and Allah began, with Allah attacking with reckless abandon, taking out the larger Harlequin's knees. Meanwhile, Terror leaped into the dumpster to search for Binky and lobbed a few boards into the ring. Chaos, seizing the opportunity, lunged at Derek and jammed it like a jousting lance into the middle of his chest, sending him falling back to the concrete. Allah was quick to side-step an errant swing and catch Chaos in the gut while he grabbed a tablecloth and wrapped it around Chaos' head, using it for a full speed running bulldog. Terror, finding no Binky, leaped into the ring and tackled Allah, demanding that his prized Chainsaw be returned. Derek, unfortunately, had risen and drove the smaller Harlequin's face into the steps, breaking a few boards which had been laid there for that purpose. Chaos attacked with a slingshot splash that sent his massive frame over the top rope, sandwiching Derek against the steel barrier, but was hit from behind by a steel chair by Allah, who, with the aid of Medusa, moved one of the tables and set it up. Derek set Terror up on the table with an abdominal stretch, and nailed him with a guillotine for the three count. Post match, the four injured warriors glared at each other returning to the back amidst a sea of beer and foam tossed up in appreciation. WINNERS: Prophets of Rage by pinfall, 8:32 DB: Wild, wild stuff there. BL: I thought you didn't like the violent, extreme stuff. DB: I don't. I had hoped for something a little more...organised...but to see two strong teams like that, well... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Charles Scheffield vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele ------------------------------------------------------------------------ LM: Our next match featured the rising stars of Luke Steele and Charles Scheffield. BL: Chuckles had something to say. [The camera fades in on Charles Scheffield standing in the locker room of the arena. He looks absolutely pumped for his upcoming match.] CS: Steele. I can still remember when we fought how you told me that you wouldn't give me any breaks. Well... that's fine with me. You see, I have done fine on my own... I didn't need your help. No one has helped me in any way. Even Lord Byron ended up being a stepping stone for me in my climb to the top. And that is because I made him my stepping stone. Steele... you are going to find out in a few short moments that I cannot be stopped right now. I have victories over names that some wrestlers could only dream of defeating. Steele... this time I feel we are meeting as equals. Perhaps you have more experience on me... but I feel that right now... there isn't much that can stop me. I expect a great match. Win, lose, or draw... it will be a great one for War Room. The thing is... this time I intend to win. [Scheffield then exits.] Charles was right. This match-up was outstanding, and the young superstar seemed to dominate with a bevy of technical moves, steering well clear of Steele's Floating DDT. Steele seemed most distracted, any time he gained an advantage calling out "This is just a taste of what you're going to get, Duncan", only to be turned around and countered by Scheffield. As Scheffield set for his Fieldplex, however, Steele was able to sneak out and counter with, you guessed it, the Floater...but while he took time to comment to Duncan Macbeth, Christopher Stonebreaker dashed down to ringside and pulled Scheffield to the ropes. So when Luke turned and pinned him, Scheffield was able to get a leg up on the ropes...and when Luke turned, he saw Stonebreaker, standing there, smiling. In a rage, Steele lunged out of the ring, and traded shots with Stonebreaker up the aisle as the woozy Scheffield slowly sat up at nine for the countout victory. WINNER: Charles Scheffield, by countout, 9:47 DB: Luke Steele without a doubt making a big name for himself with that floating DDT. LM: Too many enemies, however, and he'll find himself blocked at every path. BL: And Chuckles continues his meteoric rise to the top... and Steele loses momentum as he sets to face Duncan McDonut.... DB: All leading to our main event.... BL: "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard vs. "To Excess"! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard vs. "To Excess" Rick Williams ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This match almost didn't happen. As Howard made his way to ringside, Rick Williams charged him from behind, carrying a pipe or something which he brick-batted the burly redhead with, knocking him to the floor. Disposing of the evidence and giving a fan a souvenir, Williams set to work on Howard, with a series of devastating moves to the back of his head. After an inverted DDT, the match was over, but Excess went on to use his "Excessive Force" to punctuate the point. WINNER: "To Excess" Rick Williams, by pinfall, 3:12 [Cut back to Larry, Dave, and Becky, as well as Toni Collette and Paul Hogan.] LM: Well, Josef Tadeuscz and Ms. Koslowski couldn't join us, but Mr. Hogan and Ms. Collette are here, and have a few things to say about the action here today. PH: You yanks an' your games... let me tell you something, right? I haven't had this much fun in a long time, and you better get that prez of yours, Spreadbury? To book you a whole series of events in an Aussie tour real soon, hear me? You'll never find a better crew of fans than 'ere. DB: And you, Toni? What do you think? [Toni bites her tongue in that charming way.] TC: Um...I liked it...don't get too much entertainment like that around here...I used to go to wrestling matches with m'dad...and I still really like them... DB: Well, we still like you too, dear. LM: This concludes yet another edition of the War Room... for Dave Bacon and Becky LaRue.. PH: And the entire nation of Australia, God's Own Country... DB: Good night. [Fade out to Native Australian Kylie Minogue's "Locomotion" as the unlikely quintet discuss wrestling, movies, and whether those Foster's ads are really true.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+