________ ______ __ ____ ___ __ . _ ___ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| / /\ | | || \| \ /\ \ / |\ || / \| | | | || | \ v v / | __| \__ /__\ | | ||__/| |/__\ v | \||| __|-| | |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| \ \| v | \|__/ \| | || \_|| | | __________________________/...hour two...\........|...|.......|....| LIVE! Sydney Opera House, Sydney, Australia 7 March 1998 [The graphics fade through to interior shots of the jam-packed Sydney Opera House concert hall, the sea of fans cheering and waving their signs as a volley of fireworks erupts in the rafters high above the ring. The shot eventually cuts to the broadcast table at ringside, at which are seated Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts.] TD: Howdy again, folks, and welcome back to this special Antipodean edition of IIWF Saturday Night! We've got four more incredible matches coming your way over the next sixty minutes, including two championship matches, as Duncan Macbeth defends the Intercontinental title against Luke Steele, and in our main event, Steve "the Fury" Kowalski faces Serge Annis. Plus we'll be hearing from the IIWF President with the first announcements concerning Ring Wars 5, which is now just two weeks away! SR: London, here we come! TD: Is England ready for Steve Roberts, I ask myself. SR: Tell the Queen to wear her best knickers, baby dolls. TD: Good grief. You are incorrigible, Steve Roberts. Let's get up to the ring for our next match. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Duncan Macbeth vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele ....................................................................... WRITER: Mike Sonby [Sparkplug Lee enters the ring, carrying the microphone in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other hand.] TD: It looks like Sparkplug has gotten some refreshments from the fans here. [Sparkplug starts to raise the beer to his mouth before realising his mistake and raising the microphone instead.] SL: This next bout is for the IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP! [Cheers from the audience]. Introducing first, the challenger, from Cleveland, Ohio, weighing 275 pounds, here is the "REAL DEAL", LUKE STEELE! ["I am the Man" by the Philosopher Kings starts up, and Steele walks out with a big grin on his face. He's making the classic belt motions around his waist. The crowd boos as he enters the ring.] TD: Luke Steele implied that he'd have an equaliser for his match against Macbeth, but I don't see anyone with him. SR: Maybe he's finally learned a second move for his equaliser. SL: And his opponent is the IIWF Intercontinental Champion! Weighing 270 pounds, from Glenfinnan, Scotland, here is DUNCAN MACBETH! ["Heilan' Laddie" by the Pipes & Drums of Scots Guard starts up. It's a new entrance song, but it fits for Macbeth, and the crowd explodes in a raucous cheer. Macbeth steps out and stares straight into the ring.] TD: Macbeth is normally one of the more gregarious competitors as he makes his entrance... SR: Gregarious? You been reading the Word-A-Day calendar lately? TD: ...but tonight Macbeth looks very angry, and is ignoring the entire audience. He's been under a tremendous amount of stress lately. SR: Well, let's see. First of all, he's the IC champ, so everyone is targeting him. Secondly, his cousin is attacking his long-time companion, Timothy N. Turner. Thirdly, he's suffering from a nasty knock on his skull. Finally, there's the man who gave him reason number three. [The camera pans over, to a familiar "throne" at ringside. Sitting on the toilet bowl, eating a bag of peanuts, is one Simon Lebec. Macbeth glares at Lebec as he passes by, but Simon merely waves at him cheerfully.] TD: Maybe Lebec is Steele's equaliser. [Macbeth enters the ring, and removes the leather belt from his kilt. Steele is on the other corner, and doesn't see Macbeth charge until it's too late. Macbeth swings his belt and nails Steele several times, leaving large welts on Steele's back. Then, Macbeth wraps the belt around Steele's throat, and snap-mares him across the ring with the belt.] TD: That could have snapped Steele's neck! Macbeth is using that belt as a weapon... SR: ...and he's doing a damn fine job of it. Now that's the IC Champ that I remember, not the wuss that he's been lately. [The referee finally orders Macbeth to get the belt out of the ring. Duncan does, and the referee orders the match to officially begin. As the bell rings, Macbeth starts kicking away at Steele, then nailing him repeatedly with punches. He picks up Steele and rams his head into the turnbuckles repeatedly, then takes him out of the corner with a bulldog. Macbeth covers for a two count.] TD: Macbeth starting out very aggressively. SR: It's about damn time that Scottish SOB gots his cajones back. I was afraid Timmy took them away from him. [Macbeth gives the signal for the Highland Hammer, and grabs Steele in a front facelock. Steele quickly rolls over into an inside cradle for a two count before Macbeth kicks out, but Macbeth goes back to laying into Steele with a series of kicks and punches. He whips Steele into the ropes, but Steele reverses. On the rebound, Steele charges with his arm outstretched. Macbeth ducks to avoid the clothesline, and Steele raises his knee and rams it into Macbeth's head, sending the champion sprawling to the mat.] TD: And Steele with the advantage for the first time this match. SR: Steele tries hard... and his DDT lives up to the hype you give it, Dross. He could beat the wimpy Macbeth that's been showing up. But if the real Macbeth is here- and it looks like he is- then Steele's in trouble. [Steele picks up Macbeth and slams him to the mat, then follows it up with an elbowdrop. Steele quickly hops up to the turnbuckle, and as Macbeth gets to his feet, Steele leaps off for a high-cross bodyblock that nails Macbeth, and leads to another two count. Steele gets back up and goes to the second turnbuckle. Macbeth gets to his feet again, and Steele leaps off with a Thesz Press. But Macbeth counters with a spinebuster for a two count. Macbeth drops a fist onto Steele, then picks him up, whips him to the ropes, and delivers a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for another two count.] TD: Macbeth now with a blatant chokehold! SR: Great technical move by the champ. It's great to see the real Macbeth assert himself. [The referee finally forces the break at the four count. Macbeth stands Steele up and charges at him with a clothesline, but Steele ducks underneath. Steele gets up in time to be caught by a full nelson into a Russian legsweep, and another two count. Macbeth grabs Steele's legs, and turns him over into a Boston Crab. Steele is next to the ropes, and the referee forces a break, but Macbeth again waits until the last minute to release the hold.] TD: Macbeth is now dominating the match. SR: The cream rises to the top, baby dolls. Steele's got the right intentions, but he needs that extra something special. [Macbeth again signals for the Highland Hammer, but Steele lashes out with a kick to the shins of Macbeth, followed by a leg-trip into a grapevine. Steele lets go of the leg to drop an elbow onto Macbeth, then picks him up for a piledriver. Macbeth is too strong, and backdrops Steele, then bounces off the ropes and delivers a flying headbutt to Steele's ribs. Macbeth leaps to his feet and points at Lebec, then points to his head.] TD: Macbeth with a message to Lebec that he no longer feels the effects of the concussion. [Macbeth picks up Steele and delivers a shoulderbreaker, then stretches out his arm and drops a knee into Steele's shoulder. A commotion begins from the back room.] TD: What's going on...? SR: Okay, I'll bite. What's he doing here? [He is Stone, the massive seven foot tall bodyguard of Richard "Moxy" Blue. He walks silently towards ringside. Macbeth stands up and hollers at Stone, asking him what's he doing here. To the surprise of no one, Stone doesn't answer, and stares at the action in the ring. Macbeth, still watching Stone, doesn't see Steele get to his feet...] TD: A dropkick, right onto the knee! And Macbeth is clutching his right leg. If Macbeth really wrenched his knee, he is in serious trouble. SR: Nah... that's just a boo-boo. Being chased by the secret service wearing nothing but a pair of slippers -- now THAT'S serious trouble. [Steele gives a thumbs up to Stone, then grapevines the leg and falls back. He continue the attack on Macbeth's leg by kicking at hamstring, then by dropping his entire weight onto the knee. Macbeth reaches up and grabs Steele, but Steele responds with a roundhouse right, then drops a series of knees onto Macbeth. Steele then hops up to the top turnbuckle.] TD: Macbeth using the ropes to get to his feet, Steele on the top ropes... he leaps... and nails Macbeth with a dropkick! Macbeth caught that right in the face. Here's the cover... One... Two... Kickout! So close! [Steele pounds the mat in frustration, then grabs the left arm of Macbeth and takes him in a front facelock, the set-up for the floating DDT. Macbeth starts to struggle, but Steele changes positions and hits Macbeth with a swinging neckbreaker instead, the covers for another two count. Another figure appears at the top of the aisle- Andrew Macbeth, who watches the match with his arms folded and an intense stare in his eyes.] TD: Andrew watching his cousin's progress in the match. SR: He's watching Steele take apart his cousin. I've got to admit- using Stone as your equaliser is a smart move. [Steele sets up for another piledriver, and nails it this time. He covers for another two count. Steele signals for the floating DDT, and gets in position- but Macbeth lifts up, and plants Steele with a Northern Lights suplex. A series of claps from the fans brings Macbeth to his feet, and he charges at Steele, nailing him with a clothesline. He picks up Steele by the hair, rakes his face, and whips him to the ropes. On the rebound, Macbeth leaps up for the Frankensteiner...] TD: The Claymore... NO! Steele held on, and planted Macbeth with a powerbomb! He covers... [The official hits the mat: 1 -- 2 -- 3... kickout!] TD: The ref is holding up two fingers! Macbeth kicked out at the last second! Boy, that was close! [Steele looks at the referee, and starts to question the count, but thinks again. He picks up Macbeth and sets up for the floating DDT. He sets Macbeth up, grabs his head, and...] TD: Macbeth grabs the ropes, and Steele falls to the mat without Macbeth. Macbeth drops an elbow, but misses when Steele rolls out of the way. SR: Oh, goody. More company. Let's just make this a damn battle royal. [Steve is talking about Christopher Stonebreaker, who is walking down to ringside with a bucket in his hands. As Stonebreaker gets to ringside, the massive Stone stands in his way, and Stonebreaker hollers at him to move aside. Stone just stares at the man, and Stonebreaker gets into the face (or at least the chest) of Moxy Blue's bodyguard. Steele goes for a dropkick on Macbeth, but the champion step out of the way, and Steele crashes to the mat. Macbeth covers for a two count, but Steele gets Macbeth with an eye-poke and a bodyslam for another two count.] TD: Stonebreaker and Stone getting into it... and a brawl breaks out between them. SR: Fighting in the ring, fighting outside the ring... it's so great, Dross. Just brings a smile to my face. [The outside brawl quickly gets ugly, as Stonebreaker threatens to use his bucket as a weapon. Stone quietly grabs a chair and folds it in half. In the ring, Steele takes control with a hiptoss, then starts punching Macbeth. Stone swings the chair, Stonebreaker swings the bucket, and the weapons make a loud *CLANG* as they collide. Both men struggle to keep their weapon up. In the ring, Steele bounces off the ropes, just as Stonebreaker and Stone shove off, and the chair goes flying...] TD: The chair clipped the back of Steele's head! Steele clutches the back of his head as he hits the ropes... [Right into a Claymore by Macbeth. He covers... 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Luke Steele kicks out half a second too late. That clip from the chairs makes the difference, as Steele stumbled right into the Claymore from Macbeth. The champion pulls out the victory. SR: Macbeth won... but he got an assist from Stonebreaker. Now, if Steele wants to prove he really has the stuff, he needs to put Stonebreaker in the hospital for a while. You don't cost people a title match without reparations. [Sparkplug's in the ring, as Stonebreaker heads back to the locker room.] SL: The winner of this match... and STILL Intercontinental champion... DUNCAN MACBETH! [Andrew, with a small smile on his face, turns around and heads back to the locker room. Stone enters the ring as a shocked Luke Steele tries to figure out what happened.] SR: Oh, goody. More people. Just what we needed. [Richard "Moxy" Blue, looking a little dishevelled from his earlier run-in with the "Enigma", comes out to ringside, saying, "Okay, I want him back now!" Steele looks disgusted. As Blue enters the ring, Derek Mota appears and clobbers him with a forearm, then starts stomping away at Blue. A frustrated Steele joins in the attack, also blasting away at Moxy Blue.] TD: Blue being attacked by two men. And Stone looks confused. Should he help Moxy? Or Steele? [Mota gives Steele a high-five. Steele returns the favor... then blasts Mota with a clothesline. Stone now nails Steele with a forearm, sending Steele out of the ring. Steele decides that he's had enough and heads back to the locker room, with Stone, Mota, and Blue chasing him. Through it all, Macbeth watches the situation with a bemused expression on his face, until he turns around...] TD: There's Simon Lebec! Lebec has entered the ring, and he's standing nose to nose with Macbeth. SR: [sarcastically] Gee, I wonder if Macbeth isn't happy with Lebec. I guess we'll find out. TD: These two have been at each other's throats since Lebec returned to the IIWF... [Macbeth and Lebec stare at each other eye to eye. Neither man says a word, just staring at each other with a look of pure anger from Macbeth and disgust from Lebec. It's Macbeth who swings the first punch, nailing Lebec on the side of the head. From there, both men just start savagely attacking each other. As the Australian crowd gets to their feet, Simon Lebec and Duncan Macbeth fall out of the ring and keep attacking each other. Macbeth gets the advantage until Lebec grabs a chair and swings it at Macbeth, then Lebec with the advatage until Macbeth rams Lebec's head into the steel guardrail. They continue to fight, even as security tries to break them up and force them towards the locker room.] TD: What a brawl between Lebec and Macbeth! SR: Macbeth has become the tough SOB I used to admire... and Lebec's nuts. That's an explosive combination. TD: I understand Larry Morton has Christopher Stonebreaker in the back. Maybe Stonebreaker can explain his actions during the match. Larry? [The video wall springs to life as Larry Morton stands in the back room with a smug Christopher Stonebreaker.] LM: Yes, Tim. Christopher Stonebreaker, as we all jus... [Suddenly, the back door opens, and a flying Simon Lebec comes crashing through. Two steps behind him is a charging Duncan Macbeth, and following him is a huge group of IIWF security men. Lebec gets to his feet, rakes Macbeth's eyes, and rams his head into the wall. Macbeth picks up Lebec and slams him to the concrete floor. As security tries to pull away Macbeth, Lebec grabs an electrical cord on the floor, wraps it around Macbeth's throat, and starts to choke him. Among all of the confusion, Larry Morton's voice can be heard...] LM: No! That's the camera's power cor... [*BZZT* The videotron suddenly goes black.] TD: It looks like Larry's having technical difficulties right now. SR: Techncial difficulties?! Two guys are trying to kill each other in the same room he wants to ask some questions, and you call that technical difficulties?! TD: Macbeth gets by Luke Steele, but his war with Lebec continues. Earlier tonight we saw Andrew Macbeth make a challenge to face Timothy Turner. Apparently that match will take place at Ring Wars. SR: Sure, Turner agreed but he wasn't in his right mind when he did it! He was drunker than Dirt Dog Unique Allah on New Year's Eve! TD: The last we saw of Turner, he was being helped backstage by his brother Tom and his partner, Akira Saito. We've just received word that there was a cameraman backstage at that time and that we have footage of what happened directly following that... spectacle. Let's go to the tape. [The shot switches to the backstage area where Tom Turner and Akira Saito are just helping Timothy Turner through the curtain. TNT seems to have broken down completely now, and is mumbling incoherently to himself as the other two men keep him from falling. The bottle slips from his grasp and smashes on the concrete floor as the three get closer to the camera and the mic is able to make out what Turner is saying.] TNT: Oh geez... what 'ave I done? I'm dead... he's going to beat the [BLEEP] out of me... oh god... I don't 'ave a chance... oh god... you guys gotta help me... what am I gonna do? Oh no. [A look of nausea passes over Turner's face.] TNT: Oh no... I'm going to... [He lurches from the grasp of his two friends and stumbles out of the shot -- thankfully -- and we hear the somewhat grotesque sound of the contents of Turner's stomach violently expelling themselves.] TT: Don't worry, Tim. Akira got me in shape when I joined SJPW and I'm sure we can do the same for you. You'll be ready and... hey! Is that camera on? Get it off! [Akira moves quickly towards the camera and the screen turns black as his hand covers the lens. The shot switches back live to the announcers table at ringside.] SR: That's the funniest thing I've seen all week! Mr. High and Mighty Rocket Boy tossing up his namesake cheesecake! TD: I don't think the state of that man is anything to laugh at. He seems less like a man to dislike and more like a man to be pitied. SR: Pity him after Andrew rips out his spleen. TD: Folks, we'll get the official word on Ring Wars 5 a little later on tonight -- but for now, let's get straight back up to the ring for what is sure to be an incredible encounter, as Team Sychosys faces the Machines in a Double Bullrope Match! SR: The words "double," "bull," and "rope," bring a lift to my swift. TD: Steve Roberts, everybody. Bringing a gag to our throats. SR: Courtesy of the Black Jesus. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __|"TEAM SYCHOSYS FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY WORLD TOUR '98" |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| DOUBLE BULLROPE MATCH: Team Sychosys vs. The Machines ....................................................................... WRITER: Jack Hoban [The theme from "Peter Gunn" charges up the fans. On cue Sparkplug Lee puts the microphone to his lips.] SL: The current stop on the Funky Like a Monkey World Tour '98 is tonight's Double Bullrope Match! [Pop!] First making their way to the squared circle... Weighing in at a combined weight of 503 pounds... Hailing from Denver, Colorado and Cleveland, Ohio respectively... Paul Wong... Simon O'Neal! They are... THE MACHINES! [The crowd is hot as the duo make their way down. Paul Wong is an Asian-American, very stocky, with black hair and brown eyes. Black trunks to knees, wears a black jacket with "The Machines" emblazoned on the back. Also wears a grey fedora and black sunglasses. Simon O'Neal, on the other hand, is skinny, with a runner's build, and curly brown hair. Black trunks to knees, wears a black jacket with "The Machines" emblazoned on the back. Also wears a grey fedora and sunglasses, as well as a black glove on his left hand.] SR: It's really kind of funny, Dross. TD: What's that, Steve? SR: I've always paid to be tied to lovely women, these guys are getting paid to be tied to sweaty men. I'd find a new job, if I was them. TD: Team Sychosys, as usual, climbing over the guard rail over by the jumbotron getting ready to hit the next stop on there tour. Just in case we have any novice wrestling fans out there tonight, a this match is very similar to a four corners match, except that its a tag team event and all four men are in the ring at the same time. ["Xanadu" by Olivia Newton John catches everyone by surprise, except the Sychopaths, who are doing a group white man two steps as their heroes hop the security fence. "Sychosys" Joe Petrow and "Mr. Majestyk" are looking dapper tonight. Both wear matching glittering gold bodysuits, with "Team Sychosys" written in glittering silver script on the back.] SL: Making their way to ringside now... hitting another stop on their... What the hell?! TD: What the heck?! SR: What the [BLEEP]?! [The camera spins around to the top of the aisleway just in time... just in time to catch Harlequin Terror leaping off the jumbotron onto Team Sychosys, exploding into a maelstrom of fists!] TD: Harlequin Terror has just leapt off the jumbotron! What has possessed this man to... Steve, what is he yelling? SR: Sounds like... Binky? He wants his Binky! Give it to him! Damnit! You monsters give him his Binky back! Oh, the humanity! HT: BINKYYYYYY! [McArthur is slammed against the railing as he tries to get up. Petrow on the other hand has taken to the offence, straddling Terror's back and peppering the back of the big man's head with short fists. The mad Terror lashes out with a wild back hand, but misses Petrow. The Machines, still in the ring, are having a great time watching the mayhem down below.] TD: As if things aren't volatile enough tonight! SR: Better than throwing gas on the fire, Dross. You can get a lot of meat on there with these guys on the grill! [Japanese side arm takedown on Harlequin Terror by Petrow. 4M is pulling himself to his feet. Terror is hardly prone as he rears back with his head and pops "Sychosys" in the forehead, forcing a release. Seeing the opening to help his hero and mentor, McArthur charges Terror! Only to be back-dropped high into the air! Joe rolls out of harm's way, allowing his partner to take the full brunt of the floor on impact. The crowd give out a jobber pop as the JJS rush onto the scene. Leading the charge: "Nifty" Ned Norton! Who is caught by Harlequin Terror and crushed by a spinebuster! When the rest of the JJS make it, they control the situation: dragging off Terror and the stunned Norton. The crazed Harlequin yelling "Binky!" over and over.] SR: You take man's chainsaw and you own his soul, quoth the Black Jesus nevermore. You know, we need an anti-JJS in here, so the fun can go on! Sing it, my Lil' Soundbiters! ["Down with the JJS!" chants starts, much to the delight of Roberts, who is pumping his fist.] TD: As my partner tries to incite a riot, Team Sychosys are gathering themselves and are advancing up to ringside. The Machines are quite amused with the whole "Binky" fiasco and are giving each other high fives! A truly weak display of sportsmanship, during our esteemed VP's "Wrestle Clean" campaign. [When both parties are settled and in the ring the referee begins explaining the match to both teams. Paul Wong motions to Joe Petrow that he wants to be tied to the master of madness. Simon O'Neal, on the other hand, seems quite resolved to be tethered to "Mr. Majestyk." The two men get connected without a hitch. Joe Petrow, though, is reluctant to be locked in yet. He prefers to jump to the second turnbuckle, doing his best Disco Inferno impression. The Sycopaths respond with a resounding "Disco's Dead!" chant.] SR: No, Andy Gibbs is dead. Disco lives on Dross' wardrobe. TD: [clearing his throat] I would rather not talk about my mood ring now. [4M and O'Neal pull the bull rope tightly, anxious feelings showing in their body language. Petrow wows the crowd with a back flip off the second rope, arm extended for tying. The referee complies by joining Crazy Joe to Wong, who is finally done complaining. Ding! Ding! Ding! 4M and O'Neal are having a tug of war. Petrow and Wong lock up. Joe using Wong's forward momentum, leads the larger man face first to the corner. "Sychosys" then lays in a few shots to Paul's kidney area. Wong spins around, trying to get out of the precarious position, only to be snapmared over and into a reverse chinlock. Meanwhile O'Neal lunges forward, dropping 4M with a bionic elbow. Pulled up by the hair, Mr. Majestyk is laid low again by a scoop slam.] TD: It's early, but when these four men start to tire, those bull ropes will be a major hindrance. SR: Do you mean how Wong just yanked Petrow off the turnbuckle?! [Crazy Joe's attempt to go upstairs is thwarted by Wong's superior power, with a sudden tug that wrenches him back to earth. Petrow rolls underneath as Wong leap frogs over. Unfortunately for Paul his end of the bull rope is now running between his legs. Joe hops up and jars the rope up to Wong's crotch!] SR: Today's word: "Ow!" [As the groin fiasco continues on one side of the ring, 4M is getting roughed up by Simon O'Neal. Maurice, welts upon his chin and chest, desperately Irish whips O'Neal to the ropes. The agile O'Neal easily reverses it. But with a reckless abandon, McArthur planchas over the top rope. Big Sycho Pop! As 4M hits the floor, a surprised Simon is jerked over the top rope! O'Neal, completely unprepared for the turn of events, bounces off the edge of the apron before slamming into the hard concrete.] TD: McArthur, who was getting manhandled, pulls out all the stops and sacrifices his body in order to inflict some damage on O'Neal! [Petrow hits Wong with a wicked crotch slam. Big Paul winces with pain when hit with a falling fist to the temple. "Sychosys" touches one corner and begins to drag Wong over, so to reach the second. Wong holds firm, ending Petrow's bid to reach the second corner. Paul Wong pulls Joe over and slaps on a standing side head lock, which is turned into a Sychotic atomic drop! Outside of the ring McArthur has managed to reach his feet first and makes the best of it. Wrapping Simon O'Neal's neck with a portion of the rope and begins running with him... Huge Sycho Pop!] TD: Bullrope bulldog by 4M! O'Neal is on his knees, grasping at the rope, pulling the slack off his throat. Oh my! Standing dropkick to Simon's chest! SR: Look at Petrow! Wong's got his arm pinned behind him with the rope! Just like my last girl... [Belly to belly on Joe, who lands on his pinned arm. Rolling over, clutching the damaged limb, Petrow screams! Machine Pop! The muscle of the Machines raises his arm before he gets the elevation, splashing Petrow, forcing the air from his lungs. O'Neal has gotten the upper hand, electrifying the crowd with a spinning neckbreaker on 4M! Taking a second to catch his breath, O'Neal tries to pull off the wrist band that connects him to the bull rope.] TD: Wong has touched one turnbuckle and is well on his way to the second! Petrow lets him hit the third! What is he thinking?! SR: 'Cause he's racing to the fourth corner! Wong's racing too! [Sycho Pop! Before Paul can touch it, an Asspump drops him to the mat. 4M clips O'Neal, who fires back with a European uppercut that hangs Maurice on the railing, locking his arm through the bars. O'Neal lays down overhand rights to the exposed rib section of 4M. The crowd begins to stand as the American Dragons make their way to the ring area.] SR: Beat it, kids, this is where the grown-ups play. TD: Dragons with a little history with team Sychosys, looking to press their opinion. Joe Scalercio and Bob Ivey trash-talking Petrow in the ring and 4M outside. [O'Neal tells them what to go do to themselves, as the sunned 4M is draped over the railing. In the ring, both Wong and Petrow have stopped their brutality of each other to eye the situation. Scalercio has heated words with O'Neal, who out and out slaps Scalercio with a reverse knife edge. Huge Pop! Just like that, things breakdown. Both Dragons start to pummel O'Neal and the downed 4M! McArthur never gets up under the boots of Ivey, while the fresh Scalercio has the upper hand on O'Neal. Wong and Petrow look at each other, chests heaving from their encounter and just shrug... and dive out of the ring! Pop!] TD: They hit Scalercio with a flying bullrope lariat! They have used their leather prison as a weapon against a common enemy! SR: Leather means pleasure, baby dolls! [McArthur is wrapped around Ivey's legs, trying to hold him at bay as Wong trades blows with the American Dragon. Petrow with a mandible claw on Scalercio. All hell has broken loose! But hell has space for two more...] TD: This is totally... The Natural Predators are racing down the aisle! Bear ploughs over Wong! Grey Phoenix blindsides Petrow with a flying double axe-handle! SR: Yes! [4M POP! McArthur low-blows Bear, who doubles over, allowing Scalercio to drive his head into the apron! Ivey with a side suplex on Grey Phoenix! O'Neal drops to the floor in the foetal position!] TD: I don't know who hit Simon, but he is down and doesn't look to be moving! Bear grabs the bullrope between Petrow and Wong and... Oh Nellie! Pulls it so hard, Petrow and Wong's heads collide! SR: Ah, the miracle of steroids. [The JJS once again hit the ring area there are bodies everywhere. The scene is chaotic! Bear and Scalercio are being held back, as Petrow and Wong clamor to get to their feet amid all the humanity. Ivey and Grey Phoenix are trading blows up the aisle with the Rotundos in tow. 4M, however is staring at a torn rope connected to his wrist.] TD: O'Neal is free form is rope! He has gotten free! 4M is after him! O'Neal is in the ring, but "Mr. Majestyk" catches him with a savate kick to the back of the head! SR: Man, this is crazier than Father's Day at Creed's house. [Petrow and Wong are on the outside of the apron clubbing each other unmercifully. A quick rake of the eyes gives Maurice enough time to hit the ropes for a move, but luck is not with him. As he rebounds off the ropes Wong tosses the bullrope over the top, catching 4M around the neck! Machine Pop! But 4M's motion was so great that both Petrow and Wong are forced over the top rope into the ring!] TD: McArthur caught with the rope! Wong and Petrow snapped in! This is more than we all bargained for! SR: Simple Simon says... Chokehold! [Sure enough, O'Neal is kneeling over 4M choking him out. Petrow seeing his partner in a bad way races over, only to be brought off his feet by Wong's anchoring hold on a turnbuckle! Wong slaps the nearest turnbuckle, then slaps Petrow across the face. Pulling the smaller man over, Wong hits the second turnbuckle.] TD: Wong is pulling Petrow around and 4M is practically out! Joe can't reach the near ropes, as Wong just pulled him... Second turnbuckle! SR: Crazy Joe can't hold Wong back! Wong's got all the leverage! He got three! TD: Petrow's fingers are ripping up the canvas trying in vain to stop Wong from getting the fourth turnbuckle! He's almost there! He's almost... [Monster Sycho Pop! Petrow stops the momentum by throwing his arm around the throat of O'Neal! It's that extra added weight that saves the leader of Team Sychosys. Try as he may, Wong can't reach the corner, nor can O'Neal escape from the position he is in. Furious, Wong has to stop his quest and boot Petrow in the back of the head!] TD: Team Sychosys escapes for now! O'Neal is gasping for air and McArthur is trying to get up in the corner. Wong has Petrow by the waist! He's lifted him up for a powerbomb! This could be all over! This could be the... [Big Sycho Pop!] SR: Crazy Joe's finest hour! [On the way up Petrow rolls over the top, hooking the rope across the neck of Wong! Landing on his feet and with Paul's neck struggling against the rope, he executes a standing guillotine neckbreaker! But his victory is short lived as O'Neal spins him around for a DDT!] TD: They are dropping like flies out there and... 4M has just touched one turnbuckle! And O'Neal touches the same one! It's a race! They are both at the second! SR: Wong and Petrow are up and have figured it out and they are both looking at the last turnbuckle! 4M and O'Neal just hit the third post! Wong and Joe are charging the fourth! It's gonna be close! [POP!] TD: Heavens! [All four men collide! Crashing at full speed, it is brutal! No one touches the last corner! Instead, Petrow and Wong flip over the turnbuckle! the bullrope connecting them is stuck on the turnbuckle, hanging each man by one arm, dangling outside the ring, looking up! O'Neal and 4M are crumpled on the floor, stopping the winning chance for both teams!] TD: Petrow and Wong are hanging by one arm! But it hasn't stopped them from kicking at each other! "Mr. Majestyk" and O'Neal are slowly shaking off the cobwebs! This has been a wild one! SR: Dross, this is just a preview of Ring Wars 5! I get utterly concrete when I think about it! [Once again both 4M and O'Neal race for the nearest turnbuckle, but this time O'Neal runs Maurice's head into the corner and dumps him on his keester! A quick slap and Simon is on his way to the second! Unchecked, he gets to the second!] SR: The Machines are gonna win it! 4M is still down and O'Neal got the third one! It's over! Its over! It's [BLEEP]! [As O'Neal rushes to get the fourth turnbuckle, he gets decked by Petrow. "Sychosys" climbed up his rope enough to hit O'Neal, breaking the cycle! Wong jumps off the apron and stretches Petrow over the top of the turnbuckle!] TD: Joe Petrow is stuck on the turnbuckle! Dear God! Wong has a hold on the railing and is stretching Petrow in half! His leg is caught in the ropes and his arm is being pulled out! SR: Just like eating king crab legs! [Seeing his hero in pain 4M runs over to free Petrow, but is dropkicked from behind by O'Neal! The force drives Joe over to the arena floor! Now at the mercy of O'Neal, 4M is tied up to the corner with the bullrope remaining on his wrist. Wong is pounding on Petrow as the downed superstar tries to defend his bad shoulder!] TD: Oh, this one is over! The third -- and now the fourth! [DING! DING! DING!] TD: Team Sychosys was at a serious disadvantage, once O'Neal escaped from his rope. It was simple for him to get all four with 4M tied up and Petrow hurt on the outside! SL: Your winners... Paul Wong... Simon O'Neal... THE MACHINES! [The crowd boos irreverently as Wong is separated from Petrow and the Machines celebrate. Several Sychopaths lean over the crowd barrier and help Petrow and McArthur over the barrier, back into the anonymity of the crowd. Cut back to the broadcast table as Wong and O'Neal head back to the locker room, Wong twirling one of the bull-ropes above his head like a lasso.] TD: Whoa! What a match, Steve Roberts -- and an impressive win for the rejuvenated partnership of Paul Wong and Simon O'Neal. Team Sychosys must bounce back quickly from this defeat, though -- next Saturday Night, live from the Congo, Africa, the "Funky Like A Monkey" tour reaches its final stop, as Petrow and Maurice go up against the Prophets of Rage in a Congo Death Match! SR: Rumble in the jungle, baby dolls. TD: Just one show to go before the big pay-per-view, folks -- and we'll get the low-down on Ring Wars 5 direct from the IIWF President directly at the conclusion of this match, between two men who are rapidly developing something of a rivalry: Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines and Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele. Let's get up to the ring! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines vs. |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele ....................................................................... WRITER: Shawn Kilpatrick [Cut to Sparkplug Lee at ringside, spreading Vegemite on a piece of bread and, after a tentative sniff, taking a big bite. The Aussie fans at ringside roar with derisive laughter as Lee's face screws up at the taste, and he spews the mouthful all over the floor. Lee turns a bright red at the jeers from the crowd, and hastily scrambles into the ring to begin the introductions.] TD: I guess Sparky's got a fair way to go before he becomes a fair dinkum Aussie, Steve. SR: Fair dinkum? What the hell does that mean, Dross? TD: I believe that in the Australian vernacular, it means "genuine". SR: So when that gorgeous piece of talent down at Bondi said I was "fair dinkum" she wasn't talking about my... TD: No, Steve. SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Emeryville, California and weighing in at 274 pounds, here is... JIMMY "THE MEATMAN" STEELE! [The capacity crowd at the Sydney Opera House erupts into a tumultuous pop, slowly changing to a thunderous chant of "MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!" as the curtain at the end of the aisle parts and Jimmy "The Meatman" Steele steps into view. Steele's head has been completely shaved bald, he is drenched in sweat, and he keeps his eyes firmly fixed on the ring as he strides down the aisle. The Meatman looks incredibly focused, ignoring the cheers of the ringside fans, and he can be seen talking to himself as he climbs into the ring and begins pacing back and forth, pausing only briefly to allow referee Earl Alfonso to check him over before resuming his pacing.] TD: There is the Meatman, and he has looked a bit... preoccupied as of late, Steve Roberts. His comments in recent weeks have been almost psychotic in nature, and now coming out here with his newly-shaved head, he looks downright deranged. SR: Well, I'll be damned, Dross. Oprah was right about mad cow disease -- looks like the Meatman might have had one brisket too many. TD: The change in the Meatman's demeanour has certainly been dramatic, but he will need all of his wits against a wily veteran like Gunnar Gaines. SR: Oh yeah, the "veteran". I guess slapping around all those swaybacked, inbred hillbillies back in the Arkansas Banjo League has to count for something, Dross. SL: And his opponent, weighing in at 357 pounds, from Fairbanks, Alaska, here is... GUNNAR "GRIZZLY" GAINES! [The nasty slide introduction to George Thorogood's "Bad To The Bone" buzzsaws out of the P.A. and the crowd responds with a mixed pop for the IIWF newcomer, but long seconds go by without an appearance from Gaines. A confused buzz begins to rise from the crowd, as nearly a minute goes by, and still no sign of Gaines, and Lee begins to confer with Alfonso in the ring as the Meatman continues to pace around the ring, looking more and more frustrated with each passing moment.] TD: Where is Gunnar Gaines? He was seen in the building earlier tonight -- what could have happened to him? SR: He's afraid of the Meatguy, Dross! It's obvious! TD: I'm inclined to doubt that, Steve. Perhaps we're seeing some of "Grizzly" Gaines' mind games at work here. SR: Mind games between Gaines and the Meatguy? What's Gaines gonna do, get on the P.A. and tell the Meatguy to "go fish"? [As Dross and Roberts speculate, the confusion is suddenly broken by the sound of a truck's backup warning siren, and all eyes turn to the entranceway, where the curtains have been pulled back, and a large white refrigerated packing van is slowly backing down the aisle towards the ring! In the ring, the Meatman stops in his tracks and stared at the advancing truck, his expression growing ever angrier as the truck gets closer and closer to ringside. A second camera angle shows that the truck is being driven by a large, burly, middle aged man who bears a strong resemblance to the younger Gunnar Gaines.] TD: That man behind the wheel! Oh my goodness, that's Larry "The Chainsaw" Gaines, father of Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines! That man was a legend in the Pacific Northwest and Alaskan wrestling circuits! What on earth is he doing here? SR: Beats me, Dross, but look at the Meatguy! He is pissed! Gaines' old man stole his truck gimmick! Next thing you know, the doors will open, and Gaines' great-grandma will be inside, wearing pasties and a G-string, reciting some God-awful poetry or something! TD: Please, Steve. Steve Manning may be watching... [The Meatman quickly storms through the ropes, and advances toward the truck just as it reaches the side of the ring, barking epithets at Larry Gaines as he parks the truck and grins at Steele in the rear-view mirrior. Just as the Meatman reaches the back of the truck, Gaines touches a button on the dashboard, and the rear doors of the van begin to swing open! Meatman takes a step back, wary of what or who may be inside the van, but nothing comes out but a billow of steam as the freezing cold air of the van's interior blends with the warm, humid air inside the Opera House. As the van doors open as far as they are able, we can see that there is absolutely nothing inside the van.] TD: What is going on here? The Meatman, as well as myself, expected that this would be an elaborate sneak attack planned by Gunnar Gaines, but the van is empty! Larry Gaines is just laughing at the Meatman in the cab -- where is Gunnar Gaines? SR: He's under the ring, Dross! Gaines is right behind the Meatguy! [As the Meatman continues to peer into the van, Gunnar Gaines suddenly slips out from under the ring apron and rushes at Steele from behind, his father watching the entire attack in his rear view mirror! The crowd pops with excitement, and Steele turns just in time to take a savage clothesline right in the throat! Pop! Th Meatman tumbles to the concrete, and Gaines is on him in a flash, pulling him up and running him across the aisle towards the side of the van! But just as Gaines is about to drive Steele's head into the metal side panel of the truck, the Meatman gets a foot up, blocking the move! Gaines tries again, but the Meatman, his eyes flashing with anger, grabs a big hank of hair in the back of Gaines' head, and smashes Gaines face-first into the side of the van! Huge pop from the crowd as Gaines staggers backwards, finally collapsing to the floor, as the Meatman raises his arms to the sky and glares down at the "Grizzly"!] TD: Gaines completely blindsided Jimmy "The Meatman" Steele from underneath the ring, but Steele has reasserted himself, and just rocked Gunnar Gaines with that move! Look at Larry Gaines in the cab, he is absolutely livid! SR: Can't say I blame him, Dross. They go through all that trouble to take out the Meatguy, and Junior goes and messes it up! He obviously ain't no chip off Chainsaw's block. TD: Well, what could have been an out-and-out massacre has suddenly become a match, folks! Gaines is back up now, and he and Meatman are just standing toe-to-toe, throwing bombs at each other! Let's got back to the action! [Gaines and the Meatman are throwing devastating haymakers at each other in the aisle, each rocking the other back, and the two men manage to brawl their way to ringside, where Gaines wastes no time in delivering a boot to the midsection of the Meatman, then grabbing him by the back of the head and the trunks and driving him into the steel ring post! Pop! The Meatman crumples to the floor, and Gaines rushes over to pick him up again, but as he drags Steele to his feet, the big butcher lets loose with a stiff right hand underneath the jaw of Gaines, then follows up with a big jawbreaker, snapping the Grizzly's head back with the impact! Huge pop! The Meatman finally pulls Gaines up and tosses him into the ring, rolling underneath the bottom rope as Alfonso finally signals for the bell to start the match -- Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Finally, we have a match in the ring! SR: And that's the last place the Meatguy wants to be, Dross. I hate to admit it, but MacBean was right last night on "Countdown" -- from what I've seen of Gaines, he's got more than enough firepower to take care of Steele one-on-one. But you still gotta love the Meatguy, Dross. He don't know the meaning of "quit". TD: I believe Duncan Macbeth quite astutely made that observation as well, Steve. Perhaps we should offer him a permanent colour analyst position? SR: Or perhaps we should offer him and that Neanderthal cousin of his a pair of one-way tickets back to Scotland. [In the ring, Gaines and Steele have just scrambled to heir feet, and they waste no time with finesse, charging full-tilt at each other, the Meatman with a thick arm outstretched for a clothesline, but Gaines sees it coming, ducks under, then grabs the Meatman's arm and yanks him close, nearly decapitating him with a short-arm clothesline of his own! Heel pop! Gaines quickly scoops the Meatman up, pressing him high over his head, then dropping him across his outstretched knee for a devastating backbreaker that draws a bellow of pain from Jimmy Steele!] TD: Gunnar Gaines showing remarkable form in there, evading the Meatman's rather clumsy attack and countering with a couple of quick, effective moves of his own. SR: He's got power to burn, that's for sure, Dross. Against a guy like that, you have to have speed, technical ability, and a quick mind, and the Meatguy's a bit short in all three departments. But Steele's tough as nails too, and if he can ride this out, he might have a chance. [The chant of "MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!" starts up again, the fans trying to urge the popular Steele on, as Gaines pulls up Steele again and sends him for the ride, bouncing off the ropes himself and coming off with a flying shoulderblock that catches Steele right on the jaw, bowling him over onto the mat. Gaines picks himself up, grinning his Grizzly Grin, and strides over to the fallen Meatman, jeering at the chants of the crowd as he pulls Steele up once again and sets him up for his gutwrench backbreaker move. But as Gaines goes to heave Steele up, the Meatman manages to grapevine one of Gaines' legs, preventing him from executing the move! Quick as a flash, Steele hooks a huge elbow around in a scything arc, catching Gaines right on the temple, and the Grizzly crashes to the canvas, clutching his head in pain! Big pop!] TD: Unbelievable! Jimmy "Meatman" Steele has fought his way out of another tough jam! How tough is the "Meatman"? SR: Aw, he's plenty tough, Dross! Ya gots to love the Meatguy, baby dolls! [The Meatman staggers around for a moment, trying to regain his equilibrium, then makes his way over to Gaines, who is still shaken by the elbow strike. Steele's first strike is simply a high-jumping knee drop to Gaines' forehead that sends the Grizzly bouncing across the ring in agony! Pop! In a flash Steele is upon the downed Gaines, and with a blood-curdling shriek, wraps his big beefy hands around Gaines' neck and begins driving the Alaskan's head over and over again into the mat! The crowd cheers the Meatman on, and they count along with each head smash, reaching nine before Alfonso finally moves in to break it up. Steele stands up and raises his arms, drawing a huge pop from the crowd as Gaines lies on the canvas, clearly disoriented.] TD: Well, the Meatman's tactics are a bit... primitive, but they certainly seem to be taking their toll on Gunnar Gaines in there, Steve. SR: I can't believe it, Dross! Look at the guy go! Meat! Meat! Meat! [Steele takes a moment to soak up the cheers of the crowd, clearly enjoying being in the driver's seat, then turns his attentions back to Gaines, who has slowly begun to crawl to his feet. The Meatman measures the Grizzly, then dashes to the ropes and comes off fast, preparing to hit Gaines with another clothesline attempt. But suddenly, the stunned Gaines somehow regains his co-ordination, and as Steele approaches, he bends low at the last moment and backdrops Steele over the ropes! The crowd responds with a shocked pop as the Meatman flies over the top rope, and tumbles down into the back of the refrigerator van parked at ringside!] TD: Oh my goodness! Gunnar Gaines just tossed Jimmy Steele out of the ring, and he has landed in the back of that van! He could be seriously hurt! SR: Look at Gaines, Dross! He's climbing out of the ring, and he's slamming the doors shut! [As Steele lies in the back of the freezing cold van, his head lolling back and forth as he struggles to collect his wits, Gaines races to the back of the van and pulls one door shut! Steele hears the loud slam inside the van, and somehow manages to scramble to his feet, instinctively realising what Gaines is up to, but before he can make it to the end of the van, Gaines manages to swing the second door shut, just as the Meatman is about to get out! Slam! Gaines quickly clamps a padlock onto the door handles, making it impossible for the Meatman to kick or otherwise power his way out of the van, and he jumps on to the back bumper, leaning around the corner and giving a signal to his father, who is still behind the wheel! As a loud, seething heel pop begins to emanate from the crowd, the van's engine roars to life, and the van slowly makes its way up the aisle and out of the Opera House, the sound of loud banging within the van clearly heard over the fans' jeers and boos as the Meatman struggles to escape the freezing cold confines of the refrigerator van! The camera catches one last glimpse of Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines, grinning a mile-wide Grizzly Grin as the van slowly passes through the curtained entrance and out of the Opera House!] TD: This is absolutely unbelievable, Steve Roberts! Gunnar Gaines has just hijacked Jimmy "Meatman" Steele in the middle of the match! What was supposed to have been a grudge match between these two individuals has just taken a nasty turn! I don't know what they're planning to do with Steele, but they can't leave him in there for very long! He'll freeze to death! SR: Well, I'll say this for Gaines, he knows how to get his point across. He could have won that match, but he settled for the double-countout just so that he could put a big-time humiliation on the Meatguy. Gotta give him style points for that. TD: I don't know where that van is going, but someone's got to stop it and get Jimmy Steele out of there! SR: Absolutely. The last thing we need is another frozen wrestler running around the Double Eye. That gig's been done to death here. TD: Well, one thing's for certain, we haven't heard the last of this red-hot feud between Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines and Jimmy "The Meatman" Steele, and later on tonight, IIWF President Dan Spreadbury will give us the run-down on the lineup for Ring Wars 5. Perhaps the President will give these two one more opportunity to resolve their disputes at Wembley Stadium in London! SR: Meatguy's gonna be at a disadvantage in London, Dross. You can't get beef on the bone there anymore, baby dolls. TD: Now, folks, the moment we've been waiting for -- our esteemed President will announce the line-up for Ring Wars 5, which is now just two weeks away. If you'll excuse me, Steve Roberts. SR: Go for it, Dross. [Tim Dross gets up from the broadcast table and heads up to the ring, microphone in hand. As he reaches the centre of the ring, he waits for the crowd to settle before beginning:] TD: Ladies and gentlemen, the IIWF's next pay-per-view spectacular, Ring Wars 5, is now just two weeks away. To announce the line-up for this huge event, set to emanate live from Wembley Stadium, London, England on Saturday 21 March, here is the IIWF President himself! Would you please join with me in welcoming Mr. Daniel Spreadbury! [Sting's "Jeremiah Blues (Part 1)" kick in over the PA as a spotlight picks out the bespectacled, suit-wearing IIWF President as he makes his way down the aisle, accompanied by a security officer and Vice-President Gregg Osterhout, still wearing his somewhat incongruous high-top sneakers with his smart suit. The administrative duo make their way up the ringsteps and enter the squared circle, stopping beside Dross as the music fades.] TD: President Dan, as always, it's an honour to have you here on IIWF Saturday Night. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to be here tonight. DS: Let's dispense with the pleasantries, Tim. These people want to hear about Ring Wars 5. Am I right? [A big pop goes up from the fans in attendance. The President nods his head as the noise dies down.] DS: Exactly as I thought. Fans, I can promise you that Ring Wars 5 will be an event like no other. You heard at the top of the show tonight that, providing Steve Kowalski retains the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship later tonight when he faces Serge Annis, he will defend that title against "Savage" Shadoe Rage in a "Death in Darkness" match in Wembley Stadium on March 21. TD: If I may ask, what exactly is a "Death in Darkness" match? DS: I've met with Mr. Rage backstage this evening to work out the contractual details, and they still require a little ironing out -- but this will be a highly unique match. The ring will be littered with landmines which explode upon impact... in other words, this will be an exploding ring match! [Huge pop from the fans!] DS: In addition, numerous tables and other objects will be ranged around ringside -- and the title may change hands on a pinfall, submission or disqualification. Low blows, eye gouges, chokes and so on will all be punishable by disqualification, at the discretion of the official. TD: So it's to be an exploding ring match with virtue rules? DS: That's right, Tim. It will be quite a spectacle, that much is assured. But that's just the main event -- and this event will be loaded from top to bottom. All of the IIWF's championships will be defended at Ring Wars 5, and all in unique fashion. I met with the Intercontinental Champion, Duncan Macbeth, yesterday evening, and we have worked out the details of his title defence at the pay-per-view. [The fans break into a "Dun-can! Dun-can!" chant as Spreadbury allows a small smile to cross his lips.] DS: Duncan Macbeth will defend the IIWF Intercontinental Championship against "The Savior" Simon Lebec -- in the first-ever Thames Barge Match! [Confused pop!] TD: A Thames Barge match? DS: Yes. The two wrestlers will do battle on a barge in the middle of the River Thames. It will be falls count anywhere battle, with the match ending by pinfall, submission, or by one man being thrown overboard by his opponent! [Huge pop from the fans!] TD: Oh my! Duncan Macbeth and Simon Lebec battling it out on the River Thames in just two weeks! DS: The IIWF World Tag Team Championships will also be on the line, in a match that was just finalised earlier today. The Natural Predators had signed a preliminary contract to face Team Sychosys at Ring Wars 5, but when they were beaten by the Down Boys for the titles one week ago in Japan, their manager, Kuyler Greyson, exercised the rematch clause in the Predators' contract. The IIWF must sanction a rematch within thirty days -- and that rematch will come at Ring Wars 5! TD: So we'll see the Down Boys defend against the Natural Predators in two weeks in Wembley Stadium? DS: Not quite, Tim. Because a contract between the Natural Predators and Team Sychosys had already been signed, the IIWF is obliged to stage that match at Ring Wars 5 too -- so the IIWF World Tag Team Championship Match will be a three-way dance for the straps! [Big pop from the fans!] DS: There's more, folks. I have just had a conference between representatives for all three teams, and due to the impressive negotiating power of Leon the Sychopath... this will be a Seven Tables of Fear Match! [Huge pop from the fans!] TD: Oh my! The Tag Team Championships will be defended in a Seven Tables of Fear match! Only in the IIWF! DS: Absolutely. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of match, we first saw one almost one year ago at Ring Wars III in Toronto, when Joe Petrow battled the Dirt Dog Unique Allah. Seven tables will be erected around ringside, and the match continues until all seven tables have been broken by wrestlers being slammed through them by their opponents. Whichever team manages to break the most tables with their opponents will walk away with the World Tag Team Championships! [The fans are now chanting, "I-I-W-F! I-I-W-F!"] TD: That's three incredible matches to headline the big card, President Dan. DS: There's a lot more to come, Tim. It is also my pleasure to announce that the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship will be defended at Ring Wars 5. However, due to the fact that the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi has raised the ire of so many IIWF superstars in recent weeks, to ensure a fair match, I have sanctioned the defence to be wrestled inside a fifteen foot steel cage! [Big pop!] TD: And who will his opponent be? DS: Takezo Musashi will defend the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship against... Icehawk! [Huge pop from the fans! Suddenly, however, there is a scuffle at the head of the aisle, and three figures storm down to ringside. Leading the charge is a street-clothes clad Edmund Fitzgerald, with Bear and the Grey Phoenix, the Natural Predators, following closely behind in their wrestling gear. Fitz, still looking unkempt, angrily makes his way into the ring and immediately grabs the IIWF President by the lapels of his jacket! Big pop!] TD: Whoa! Edmund Fitzgerald, please! [As the crowd chants, "Fight! Fight! Fight!", Fitz continues to bodily shake the IIWF President by the lapels, yelling words that the cameras, fortunately, do not pick up. The burly security guard rolls into the ring and restrains Fitz, who begins to calm down, and shakes the guard's hands off him, regaining his composure. As the IIWF President shakes his head and straightens his tie, Dross approaches Fitz, mic in hand:] TD: Edmund Fitzgerald, to be blunt: what's eating you? [Pop from the fans!] EF: Enough of the smart-assed comments, Dross. You damned well know what's eating me, and if you don't watch yourself, I'll stick that microphone so far up your ass, you'll need a tracheotomy to change the batteries! [Big pop! Dross looks taken aback, and invites Fitz to continue with a raise of his eyebrows. Fitz takes a step closer to the IIWF President, jabbing a finger towards him as he speaks to emphasise his points:] EF: What the hell do you think you're doing, signing a match between that lunatic Musashi and Icehawk? Has it escaped your attention that Japanese freak nearly killed Icehawk five weeks ago? And now you want to put a guy with a severe neck injury inside a steel cage? Are you stupid? I oughtta... [Suddenly, a voice interrupts over the PA:] VOICE: Fitz, it's okay. [Huge pop as a spotlight illuminates a slight figure standing at the head of the aisle. Dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, and sporting a neck brace, the crowd gives a huge cheer as they recognise Icehawk!] IH: Just hold on a moment. ['Hawk walks gingerly down the aisle, talking as he does so:] IH: I've said it before: the doctors have advised me to retire, but there's no way I'm going to give in. I'm a young man, and I've got my best years ahead of me. I'm going to fight Musashi in that steel cage in two weeks -- and I'm going to beat him! [Huge pop! Fitz, looking down at his friend and former partner from the ring, shakes his head. As Icehawk raises the microphone again... suddenly, quick as a flash, he is waylaid from behind by a figure who streaks out of the locker room area and blasts Icehawk with a dropkick to the back!] SR: [over the headset] It's Musashi! Hot damn! [Icehawk drops in the aisle like he's been shot as Musashi stands over him, lets out a huge yell, and then throws himself up in the air -- performing an incredible somersault legdrop, landing hard on Icehawk's braced neck! Huge heel pop as Musashi, who was winded by the impact of the move on the concrete, slowly picks himself up, as Fitz and the Natural Predators dash up the aisle to the aid of 'Hawk. The Preds chase Musashi out through the curtain and into the backstage area as Fitz stops by his fallen partner, yelling for medical assistance. Fan-cum-wrestler Josef "the Cavalier" Tadeuscz hops over the crowd barrier at ringside and jogs up the aisle, looking down at Icehawk in concern as a stretcher team makes its way out into the aisle. In the ring, Dross and the suits look on in concern. Poutine Janois also makes his way out into the aisle, grim-faced, as 'Hawk is lifted onto the stretcher and rolled back to the locker room area, Fitz being consoled by Tadeuscz as they go. Cut back to the ring.] TD: Uh... an unfortunate turn of events here tonight, Mr. President. [IIWF Vice-President Gregg Osterhout steps up to the microphone.] GO: I'd like to say a few words, if I may. [The President nods his head and takes a step backwards, as Osterhout speaks into the microphone.] GO: This is an appeal to the fans of the IIWF: it's your blood-lust that is driving the wrestlers of the IIWF to ever more dangerous attacks and assaults. How many careers -- like Billy Shakespeare's -- are going to be ended by senseless violence before you people are satisfied? Remember, "Wrestle Clean"! I'm going to go check on Icehawk. [VP Osterhout leaves the ring and heads up the aisle to a moderate pop. All of a sudden "The Frayed Ends of Sanity" starts up and the fans rise and look towards the entrance. Manning gets a very loud heel pop from the Australian fans, as he emerges from behind the curtain and stands there. In one hand, Manning is carrying a leash, the end of which is still hidden behind the curtain. He has a cigarette hanging from his lips and has a black t-shirt reading, "That Ain't a Knife. THIS is a Knife." with an arrow pointing down at his crotch. In his other hand, Manning carries a container of some sort. He finally begins walking forward, and to the dismay of all in attendance, a large bird, looking much like a smaller version of an ostrich is revealed to be at the end of the leash. In the ring, Tim Dross and President Spreadbury stare and roll their eyes. Manning ties the large bird onto the ringpost, and hops into the ring, standing next to Dross and Spreadbury.] SR: [over headset] Hey! Is that what I think it is?! TD: This is ridiculous. Steve Manning, I have to ask wha.... SM: [interrupting] You've got a real bad habit of stealing the spotlight, Timmy. People pay to see the athletes perform, to see the athletes speak their minds. No one cares what an obese cowboy thinks of anything. [The crowd responds with a huge heel pop, as Dross shuffles his feet.] SM: First of all, y'see that? [Points towards the corner of the ring.] SM: You know what that is?! DS: [sighs] Yes, Mr. Manning. You brought an emu to the ring with you. Very cute and entertaining indeed, however, I assure you, Mr. Osterhout did not _dare_ you to bring one, it was merely sarcasm. Now, may I ask why you are interrupting an official interview with the Pres... SM: [interrupting] Nobody cares what you think either! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! [Spreadbury gives an exasperated look at both Dross and Manning, and raises his arms, backing away.] SM: I've got a purpose for being here. And it isn't just to spread my merry cheer all over the IIWF. [Heel pop.] SM: Fortunately, a saviour appeared to me in a dream. Maybe it was a dream... maybe I was just really loaded. [shrugs] Whatever! The point is... I've found my purpose in life... in the IIWF. Before, it was revenge for the way.... [Manning leans towards Spreadbury, his face directly in front of the President's face.] SM: For the way Chris Quigley was MISTREATED BY THE IIWF! SR: [over headset] Every time I start to warm to this guy, he mentions that name. [Manning backs away as Spreadbury shakes his head.] SM: Let me just say... someone's been calling out to me. Someone's been trying to grab my attention, and I'd like to take this time to say, your calls have not gone unanswered... and if you'd just CHECK YOUR DAMN ANSWERING MACHINE EVERY NOW AND THEN YOU'D REALIZE THAT! [Manning smiles, then sighs.] SM: Nonetheless... the IIWF is under siege once more, but... don't consider this an anti-Wrestle Clean plot! I love the Wrestle Clean slogan! In fact... I agree totally with the ideals of the system. Believe me, I'm a team player. I'm a man of my word... and right now, I think it's time to put my urine where my mouth is! [Manning looks up...] SM: Not literally, of course. President Spreadbury, if you and Haystacks Calhoun would just back up a little there... thank ya kindly. [Manning sets the container on the mat, and begins unzipping his faded blue jeans as the fans begin to scream!] SR: [over headset] Oh... oh... he _wouldn't_! He would _not_ do this! [President Spreadbury and Tim Dross' jaws drop in horror and Steve Manning unzips his jeans and removes... well, a thick video distortion takes care of the rest for us TV viewers, however the live audience aren't as fortunate, as the container slowly begins to fill up with a familiar liquid as camera flashes make the arena brighten up. Security make a _mad dash_ down the aisle, sliding under the ropes into the ring and tackling Manning to the mat. Manning begins throwing punches and kicks, knocking two security guards off him, before they manage to grabs his hands, pin them behind his back, and apply a set of handcuffs. Manning's pants have fallen around his ankles, thankfully his t-shirt has fallen down enough to cover the area that needs to be covered. Manning is near _tears_ in laughter as the security guards "escort" him from the ring, and down the aisle. Steve Roberts' laughter is deep in contrast to the silence of Dross and Spreadbury.] SR: [over headset] Sweet Jesus in heaven above! A live urine test on national TV! _Only_ in the Double Eye Double U F'n F! Steve Manning was just a little _pissed off_ tonight! [The camera returns to the ring, where both Tim Dross and Daniel Spreadbury stand, both of their faces are pale, both are in utter shock as they look down upon the half-filled jar lying on the mat. The fans are half in shock, half-laughing as Spreadbury and Dross search for words.] TD: Can we, uh, get that thing out of here? [A member of the ringside crew gingerly removes the container, his face an absolute picture.] TD: I'm terribly sorry about these interruptions, Mr. President. May we continue? DS: I'll deal with Steve Manning after the show, Tim. I have more matches to announce for Ring Wars 5. We will see all four championships defended, as I have said -- but that's just the beginning. Serge Annis will face Mad Dog Watkins. [Big pop from the "Dogs of War"!] DS: Marty Warnett... [Big pop from the Party Maniacs in attendance! The chant begins: "Mar-ty! Mar-ty!"] DS: ...will face "To Excess" Rick Williams in a Blindfold Match! [Big pop!] DS: Both men will be blindfolded before the match starts, but in other respects, this will be a normal match: decisions by pinfall, submission, disqualification or countout. In addition, I have signed a match which I hope will finally settle the issues between Deathbringer and Harlequin Tragedy. These two men will battle it out at Ring Wars 5... in a ladder match! [Huge pop! A chant of "'Bringer! 'Bringer!" starts up in the crowd, and dozens of fans wave lighters above their heads!] TD: Let me get this straight: Deathbringer, at 6'10" and over three hundred pounds, will wrestle Tragedy, one hundred pounds lighter than his opponent... in a Ladder Match?! DS: Representatives of both men have agreed to the terms, Tim. Deathbringer's mask will be suspended above the ring, and a stepladder will be placed in the aisle. The match will continue until one man has grabbed the mask and landed with both feet on the canvas. If Deathbringer is victorious, he wins his mask back. TD: And if Tragedy is victorious? DS: Then Deathbringer must do the bidding of the Harlequins for thirty days! [Big heel pop!] TD: Oh my! That's quite a match! DS: And there's much more. Christopher Stonebreaker and the "Real Deal" Luke Steele will square off one-on-one in a variant on the old "Coalminer's Glove" match -- except it'll be a steel waterbucket up on the pole in the corner of the ring, and whichever man climbs that pole and grabs that bucket may use it for the remainder of the match! [Big pop! Spreadbury nods his head, clearly enjoying the matches' reception from the capacity crowd.] DS: Before I came out here tonight, the ink was still drying on the contracts for another huge match. You saw the challenge yourselves earlier on, as Andrew Macbeth laid down the gauntlet for Timothy N. Turner... and these two men will meet at Ring Wars 5! [Big pop!] DS: Furthermore, they will meet in a Highland Brawl match! Falls will count anywhere in Wembley Stadium, and there will be no disqualifications! [Another big pop!] TD: Oh my! What a line-up! DS: We're not quite finished yet, Tim. Further to the altercation tonight between Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines and Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele, I will be signing a match for Ring Wars 5 between these two men -- but I won't be able to make a formal announcement concerning that match until after the weekend, so be sure to watch IIWF programming over the next seven days to hear more about that match! [The fans again rock the Opera House with chants of "Meat! Meat! Meat!"] DS: Plus there will be tag team action, as four of the IIWF's top teams battle it out in a tornado rules match to decide the number one contenders to the IIWF World Tag Team Championships. We'll see the Fabulous Ones, the Machines, Night Patrol, and the American Dragons, in an eight-man pier sixer! [Big pop!] TD: Eleven huge matches -- and every one of them with a lot at stake. DS: Some might say I'm saving the best for last... and there's one more match you can add to the line-up for Ring Wars 5. This is a very special encounter, featuring no less than nine IIWF superstars in what we're calling a "King of the Mountain" Progressive Match! [Confused reaction from the fans.] TD: A "King of the Mountain" match? DS: That's right. The wrestlers will draw lots before the match for their order of entry. Numbers one and two will start the match, and will wrestle to one fall -- pinfall, submission, disqualification or countout -- within a five minute time limit. The winner of the fall remains in the ring to face the next entrant. If the time limit expires, both wrestlers are eliminated. The match continues until all wrestlers have entered the ring, and one man is left standing! [Big pop!] TD: And to the victor go what spoils? DS: The winner of this match will be given the opportunity to face the champion of his choice on the first show after Ring Wars 5! [Big pop!] TD: And now the sixty-four thousand dollar question: who's going to be in this match? DS: As I said, nine top IIWF superstars will participate in this match, and they are: "Sanguinary" Steve Manning... [Big heel pop!] DS: ...Charles Scheffield... [Face pop!] DS: ..."The Intrepid" Ryan Howard... [Mixed pop!] DS: ...Edmund Fitzgerald... [Big pop!] DS: ..."The Demon" Damien Lestat... [Mixed pop!] DS: ...Richard "Moxy" Blue... [Big pop, and a smattering of "Moxy! Moxy!" chants!] DS: ...Derek Mota... [Big mixed pop!] DS: ...Eddy "Flap" Jacks... [Heel pop!] DS: ...and Ike Sampson! [Big pop, and an immediate chant of "We like Ike! We like Ike!" erupts from the Australian fans.] TD: What a match! What a line-up! Ring Wars 5 certainly looks like it's going to break all previous records! DS: We have high hopes for this event. Don't forget, folks, this kind of action only comes to you from the number one wrestling organisation in the world today... [The seven thousand fans join in with the IIWF President in the completion of the famous catch-phrase:] CROWD: ...THE MIGHTY IIWF!! [Huge pop as Sting's "Jeremiah Blues (part one)" kicks in over the PA again and President Spreadbury leaves the ring, shaking hands with a smiling Tim Dross before heading up the aisle to the locker room area, shaking hands with fans as he goes. As he departs, the videotron above the aisle flashes with the line-up for the PPV:] IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP DEATH IN DARKNESS MATCH: Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. "Savage" Shadoe Rage IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP THAMES BARGE MATCH: Duncan Macbeth vs. "The Savior" Simon Lebec IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP CAGE MATCH: "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Icehawk IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP SEVEN TABLES OF FEAR MATCH: Down Boys vs. Natural Predators vs. Team Sychosys Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines vs. Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele Serge Annis vs. Mad Dog Watkins BLINDFOLD MATCH: Marty Warnett vs. "To Excess" Rick Williams MASK LADDER MATCH: Deathbringer vs. Harlequin Tragedy WATERBUCKET MATCH: Christopher Stonebreaker vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele HIGHLAND BRAWL: "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner vs. Andrew Macbeth KING OF THE MOUNTAIN PROGRESSIVE MATCH: featuring: "Sanguinary" Steve Manning, Charles Scheffield, "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard, Richard "Moxy" Blue, Derek Mota, Edmund Fitzgerald, "The Demon" Damien Lestat, Ike Sampson, Eddy "Flap" Jacks TOP CONTENDERS TAG TEAM WARFARE: American Dragons vs. Fabulous Ones vs. Night Patrol vs. The Machines [Dross ducks out of the ring and returns to the broadcast table at ringside as the fans continue to cheer!] TD: What an incredible card Ring Wars V is shaping up to be, Steve Roberts. Quite the bombshell dropped by President Spreadbury! We are going to see the IIWF World Heavyweight champion, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski defend his coveted strap against the thus far unstoppable force known as Shadoe Rage. SR: That right, Dross. But I've got news for Shadoe Rage. This "Path of Rage" that he's been on will only have one ending... SKULLPUMP. It's like death, paying taxes, and the sheer staying power of the best colour commentator in the business in an all-nighter in a certain dormitory room on the campus of Stanford University... an unavoidable god-given fact. TD: That's provided Kowalski survives the next two weeks as champion and he's going to have his hands full in the next match-up with "The Epitome of Evil" himself, Serge Annis. SR: That Annis is a certifiable nut-case Dross. More fruity than the locker room of the IIWF tag team division. Even I cringed at the carnage he bestowed upon Skip "the Love Boat" Cargill last week. TD: That was Nick "The Schooner" McGill. SR: Yeah, that's what I said. TD: [shaking his head] I see Sparkplug getting in the ring so let's kick it up -- hang on. I understand we have a camera in the parking lot outside the Sydney Opera House -- and Gunnar Gaines is out there! [Cut back to the parking lot outside of the Sydney Opera House, where the white refrigerator van is parked under a lamppost. Gunnar Gaines and his father Larry can be seen sitting casually on the back bumper, smoking cigars and laughing uproariously as in te background, the pounding of the Meatman can be heard against the van's rear doors. The Gaineses continue to laugh and jeer as the pounding slowly grows fainter and less frequent!] TD: Oh my goodness! Steele is _still_ in the van! And Gunnar Gaines and his father aren't lifting a finger to get him out! This is terrible! SR: If they don't get him out of there soon, Dross, the Meatguy's gonna be cooler than those sides of beef he likes to train on! [Suddenly, there is a commotion in the parking lot, and the camera pans across the lot, catching several members of the Jobber Justice Squad, the Opera House security force, and several technicians armed with mallets, crowbars, and toolboxes. The group quickly advances upon the two Gaineses, but Gunnar and Larry don't put up a fight at all, raising their hands in peace and backing away, laughing all the while, as the technicians begin to work away at the padlock, which apparently has no key. The techies bang away at the padlock with little success, with another group trying to pry the doors open with crowbars, as Gunnar and Larry Gaines look on over the shoulders of the JJS, snickering.] TD: I can't hear the Meatman anymore, Steve Roberts! He may have slipped into unconsciousness! SR: He's a Meatsicle, Dross. There's something you don't see every day... [Finally, the technicians spray down the padlock with a can of freon, and this time, the frozen padlock shatters after a few hammer blows. The techies quickly fling the doors open to reveal an unconscious Jimmy Steele, face down in front of the doors, his body covered in frost and his hands bloody from hammering away at the steel sides of the van!] TD: Oh my God! Get him out of there! [An EMT crew is quick to pull the Meatman from his frigid prison, wrapping him in a thick wool blanket and gurneying him off to a waiting ambulance, which starts its lights flashing as it speeds off into the night. The camera cuts back to a shot of Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines, chomping on his cigar as he grins from ear to ear, apparently quite pleased at the way the evening has turned out for him. Cut back to ringside.] TD: Oh my, Steve Roberts. SR: I can't believe it! Gaines, you killed my buddy the Meatman! TD: I don't think Jimmy Steele is dead, Steve Roberts -- but he is going to require medical assistance after being frozen half to death inside that freezer truck. Right now, we must get back up to the ring... but it looks like we've got a visitor. [The crack cameramen of the IIWF quickly drop the shot of the announcer's table and catch the massive ebony figure of one Mad Dog Watkins emerging from the crowd and scaling the ring barricades. The assembled "Dogs of War" at ringside POP loud for their cult hero, shouting loudly "Champ...champ...champ..."] TD: There's Mad Dog Watkins! SR: And he don't look too good, Dross. That left eye's still swollen shut from last Sunday's rumble with the Fury. [Watkins slides in under the ropes and immediately grabs the microphone from a quickly retreating Sparkplug Lee. Watkins is dressed as usual -- blue jeans, black boots, and a black t-shirt that reads "1998- Year of the Dog" on the front in purple letters and "You Don't Want None" on the back. The effects of last weekend's classic title match-up with Kowalski at the IIeW pay-per-view spectacular are clearly in abundance on his face. He sports a still nasty looking blackened left eye that remains partially swollen shut and twenty-two stitches in his forehead to close the gaping wound suffered in the match-up. He raises his hands to quiet the crowd, then begins to speak in his usual low, gravely tone...] MDW: No, fellas, not yet. Kowalski beat me fair and square last week and the Fury's still the man here in the IIWF. But I think I speak for Kowalski when I say that I introduced him to the chaos I'm bringing to the IIWF. "Hell on Earth" -- I don't think even the Fury is too anxious to revisit it anytime soon. Kowalski...thanks for kicking it "Supercard" style with me. That strap you wear around your waist is the greatest damn honour in this sport and I think we BOTH proved to the world what it takes to wear it. And now you get to live up to your promise and defend the belt against Serge Annis, the man who claims I stole his first shot at the gold. You know what, Annis... I did, and I've never made any claims to the contrary. I did it 'cuz you didn't deserve it. And despite the growing respect you've been earning in recent weeks by going toe-to-toe with this ol' dog, you still ain't got what it takes to wear the strap. But you get this one shot tonight so you'd better enjoy it. I'll be sitting right over there watching all the action with Dross and Roberts. Hell, I'm kinda hoping you win that way when we face off for one last hurrah at Ring Wars V, I can kick your pansy ass and bring the belt back to the waist of a real man. [Big crowd *POP*, especially from the Dogs of War at ringside.] So enjoy this evening, Annis, because in two weeks, you've got a battle of Armageddon facing you. We'll start twenty feet above the ring on a steel scaffold and one of us is coming down the hard way -- through fifteen feet of tables. And then the real fun begins... [Watkins rubs his goatee and laughs.] This little "Descent into Hell" match you signed on the dotted line for... it begins up high, but ends in the basement. You wanna beat the dog, you gotta drag me out of Wembley Stadium and pin me in the boiler room, something I KNOW you can't do. Shakin' in your boots yet? You should be. Pray Kowalski puts you out of your misery here tonight, son. If he don't, you've got a date with destiny that ain't gonna be pretty... it's gonna be damn near tragic. [Watkins tosses microphone out of the ring at Sparkplug, who surprisingly catches it in one smooth motion. The crowd errupts as Watkins pumps his fist in the air and the sounds of "Dogs of War" by Pink Floyd fill the hall. He takes a second to uncharacteristically relish the adulation from the seven thousand plus strong crowd, then ducks between the ropes and makes his way to the announcers table.] TD: Oh my, Steve Roberts. Looks like we're going to be joined by the Dog himself for this one. SR: And why not? Who knows Kowalski and Annis better than the big fella? You gotta admit, no one has shared more spilt blood with them in the past few weeks than Watkins. TD: Welcome, Mad Dog. MDW: [putting on a headset and settling in near Dross] What's up, Dross? You ready to rock and roll, Steve Roberts? SR: Am I ever! This is gonna be like an all-night Julie Strain movie festival on Skinimax. Call all your friends, kiddies -- I'm sure your parents wouldn't approve of what's coming up next. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. Serge Annis ....................................................................... WRITER: Joey Oakes [Sparkplug timidly makes his way into the ring, carefully scanning the crowd for any more unexpected visitors. Quickly realizing that all eyes are on him, he enters the ring, adjusts his overly powder blue jacket and begins the introductions.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen...it is time for your MAIN EVENT of the evening and it is for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship!!! [The Australian crowd pops in eager anticipation] Introducing first the challenger...weighing in at a massive 290 pounds and standing 6'8" tall...he is the "Epitome of Evil"...he is SERGE ANNIS!!! [The haunting rock-tronica sounds of Rob Zombie and Alice Coopers' "Hands of Death" blares out over the public announce system. The noise in the building grows in anticipation and turns to a sea of loud boos as the huge monster known as Serge Annis appears from the curtain and into the aisle. Many in the crowd respond to the replay of Annis' brutal attack of Nick McGill, which even leads a few overzealous fans to try to get at Annis and to throw cups and ice his way. Annis coldly and calmly makes his way to the ring, a look of complete confidence on his face. As per VP Osterhout's "Wrestle Clean" campaign, Annis' entrance is still void of the pyrotechnics that were his trademark for so long. As Annis hits the ring, a look of disgust appears across his scarred visage. Annis hangs his head, slowly extends his arms in a make-shift cross formation and violently slams his hands down which brings the arena lights down. All of the Serge Annis fans in the crowd one by one hold up their lighters in defiance of Wrestle Clean proclamation and in support of their hero. After a few eerie moments, the lights raise and Serge can be seen kneelng down against the opposite turnbuckle from the aisle, staring daggers through the chest of Mad Dog Watkins at ringside.] SR: Looks like someone is still a little mad at the Doggie. MDW: 'Course he is. He knows he got beat by a better man, plain and simple. [The crowd suddenly erupts as "Hands of Death" is suddenly replaced by the sounds of Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" which can only signal one thing...] SL: And ladies and gentlemen, his opponent! Weighing in at 249 lbs and hailing from the Garden State of New Jersey, U-S-of-A...here is the IIWF Heavyweight Champion of the World....STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI!!! [The hot Australian crowd turns it up to eleven as the green eyed, brown haired, Skullpumping machine known as Steve Kowalski makes his way out from the back and into the ring aisle. The polished gold of the IIWF World Championship belt shines brightly around his waist as the spotlight glares off of it. Above him on the Jumbotron runs a "human highlight reel" of Kowalski's since his capturing of the IIWF belt. As the crowd chants "Fury! Fury! Fury!", Kowalski makes his way to the ring, stopping mere feet from Watkins at the announcers table. Out of nowhere, one of the "Furies" at ringside heaves a broken part of the now-legendary tricycle from the crowd and right into Kowalski's open hand. Kowalski stares at Watkins and smiles, then politely hands him the twisted, broken piece of metal from what's left of the tricycle. Watkins takes the object somewhat cautiously as Kowalski barks "Something to remember me by, Ol' Dog. Bow-wow-wow..." Watkins laughs, shakes his head, and just stares as the crowd goes insane and a replay of Kowalski/Watkins many highlights from last weekend plays on the Jumbotron. Both Kowalski and Watkins cringe a little at some of the spots. Their "moment" doesn't last long as Serge Annis interrupts -- having decided he's seen enough -- and nails Kowalski from behind with a running suicide dive between the ropes that nails the champ from behind and drives him head first into the announcers table.] TD: Here we go! SR: Looks like Annis got sick of watching Kowalski and Watkins steal his spotlight. [Annis is quickly to his feet following his dive, ripping the World Championship belt off of Kowalski's waist and proceeding to whip The Fury repeatedly with it. Whap! Whap! Whap! The tough blackened leather of the belt leaving red welts on the neck and arms of Kowalski. Annis pauses momentarily to look at the belt, a crazed yet envious glint in his eye.] TD: Annis has dreamt of this moment, folks. I talked to him earlier in the week and he told me he considered every match in his career to be a stepping stone to this shot at the World Title, something he wants more than life itself. SR: Every other match in his career left him with all those ugly scars on his face and body. How's a man like that expect to pick up chicks? Chicks don't dig hardcore, they dig Asai moonsaults and feathered boas. They dig the Soundbite, a "hardcore legend" of a different sort. MDW: I guarantee you that Annis will have a few more scars after this matchup. Kowalski is a nasty son-of-a bitch. Not nearly as bad as his old man, but probably a little more crazy. [Referee Joey Patrick tries to remove the belt from Annis' hands, but gets shoved down for his troubles. Annis delivers a sharp kick to the down ref's back and then turns his attention back to Kowalski. He rips the vest off of Kowalski and wraps it around his neck, cutting the breath of the champ off. Out from the back comes Earl Alfonso to the aid of the downed Patrick as Annis returns to whipping Kowalski with the belt. After several stiff sounding blows, Annis picks up the fallen champ and holds the belt to his face, shouting "Take a good look at it Fury! It's mine! It's mine! Kiss it goodbye" and then nails Kowalski flush in the kisser with the belt to emphasize his point. As Kowalski slumps to the arena floor, Annis holds the belt on high, showing it off to the crowd, drawing mostly boos.] TD: Annis seems to be obsessed with the IIWF World Title. MDW: He'd better enjoy it, 'cause that's as close as he's ever gonna come to owning that strap. [Annis head jerks back, having overheard Watkins' commentary, and the huge beast steps forward to the announcers table to confront the veteran. "What'd you say, old man?" is picked up by camera mics as Annis anger grows.] MDW: I think you heard me, punk. [Annis leans over the announcers table and drops the belt right in front of Watkins, spilling Dross water as Dross and Roberts scoot back away from the action. "Watkins! You weren't man enough to beat Kowalski last week and you won't ever be man enough to beat me again, you old washed-up son of a bitch" screams Annis and then he spits in the roughened face of Watkins. With that, Watkins is up out of his seat in a flash, ripping off his headset and jumping over the broadcast table. Before the two rivals can start exchanging blows, out comes Poutine Janois and IIWF security to break the melee up. Janois gets right in between the two warriors, shouting "Dis is not da time! Save it for two weeks!" After a few tense moments, Tim Dross grabs Watkins and Watkins backs down, putting on his headset. Annis laughs as Janois pushes him back.] TD: Control yourself, Mad Dog. You are a guest out here, may I remind you! MDW: [shouting at Annis as he puts the headset on] ....punk!!! Show up at the PPV!!! SR: Wow! All this and the match hasn't even officially begun yet, Dross! [The crowd erupts as Annis suddenly slumps forward, falling to his knees and taking down Janois and two other members of IIWF security with him. The camera focuses in to see the red, angered face of a forgotten Steve Kowalski kneeling behind. Fury gets to his feet and flips off Annis, who lies on the ground writhing in pain. Big crowd *POP*] TD: Steve Kowalski with the low blow! Annis was so wrapped up in the belt and in Watkins that he forgot about Kowalski. MDW: Dumb punk. SR: Not a good move to forget about the champ that way. Looks like Steve's recovered from Annis' Pearl Harbour attack and has his mind set on revenge. He's got his belt and now he's whipping Annis! [Kowalski returns Annis' whipping from moments ago with a few stiff shots of his own which sends the crowd into cheers! Janois is the first to his feet and he and Earl Alfonso manage to wrestle the belt away from the champ. Janois can be heard to shout "In de ring! De match mus' take place in de ring! We mus' 'ave order!"] SR: Awww... what's that frog-eatin' miserable old wretch trying to do. I want blood. All the kiddies at home want blood. Both Annis and the Fury want blood! Let them have at it! TD: Janois out here in a hurry to make sure the situation does not escalate to out of control proportions. The front office wants its "Wrestle Clean" concept strictly enforced, especially in a match as important as this! [Kowalski shoves Janois out of his way, shouting "Remember the last time you got into my face, Frenchie?" and makes his way to Annis. He picks the "Epitome of Evil" up and slides him into the ring. Joey Patrick, now to his feet and recovered, quickly follows the two warriors into the ring and calls for the bell as quick as he can.] TD: We are finally under way here! All that action and we never even officially began the match. [Kowalski is hot, having been angered by Annis actions to start the night. He is all over the big man, peppering his head with rights and lefts and left and rights! A boot the the midsection doubles Annis over and a running kneelift from the "New Jersey Nightmare" sends Annis stumbling back to the turnbuckle. The Fury is quick to followup, laying several stiff boots to the torso and legs of Annis as he tries to cover up in the corner. Kowalski rares back and unleashes a viscious knife-edge chop that echoes throughout the building! Big Flair "Whooo" *POP*!!! Annis recoils in pain, his scarred chest already turning beet red. Fury grabs a hand full of hair and irish whips Annis out of the corner the hard way. He quickly goes back to the hair, picking Annis to his feet and setting him up for a vertical suplex. He hoists him high in the air and brings him crashing down hard to the mat. Kowalski covers: 1 -- 2 -- and Annis gets the shoulder up! Kowalski is the first to his feet and continues to pour the offence on Annis. First he hits with a scoop and a slam, followed quickly by an elbow drop that nails the throat of his opponent. Annis grabs his throat in pain as Kowalski drives a knee to the back of his head. After two more stomps to the head for good measure, Kowalski grabs the dazed Annis and whips him into the turnbuckle where Annis hits chest first! Kowalski hits the ropes and nails a stumbling Annis with a wicked Bulldog from behind! The crowd erupts! An Australian accented chant of "Skullpump! Skullpump! Skullpump!" grows.] TD: A bulldog by Kowalski! The champ is in firm control of this match up and this crowd live in Sydney is loving it! The want to see the Skullpump! SR: And I think they just might, Drossy-baby. The Fury's got Annis up and is hooking the arms. Damn it! Annis back dropped out of it! MDW: That's Kowalski's problem. He's too enamoured with his own move. Sure it's one of the deadliest moves in the game today, but he's been going for it too early and too often recently. Annis caught him just like I did last Sunday. Fury's got to learn you can't finish a bull until you've got him down for good. [Annis follows up his backdrop of Kowalski with four swift kicks to the head and shoulders of the champ which takes some of the steam out of both him and the crowd. Sensing the need to get back in control, Annis goes to a power attack, hoping to use his size and strength advantage to wear down Kowalski. He picks the champ up and nails a scoop slam, and follows that with a belly to back overhead release suplex that brings "ooh"s and "aah"s from the crowd as Kowalski lands flush on his neck. A hand full of hair brings Kowalski to his feet and Annis summons the strength to hoist him up -- WAY up -- in a military press. Instead of dropping Kowalski, Annis chooses to press him overhead like a rag doll. The crowd chants along with Annis' reps...One! Two!! Three!!! Four!!!! FIVE!!!!! Finally, Annis stops, but unfortunately for Kowalski, he gets a running start and deposits the champion over the top rope to the floor! Crowd *POP*!] SR: Yes, here we go Dross. I knew it wouldn't take long to get back out here to the outside, home to foreign objects galore. I've got five bucks that Annis goes for a chair first. Who's taking? TD: Referee Joey Patrick may not let Serge get the chance to pick his weapon as he's keeping the big man from going out after the fallen champion. MDW: Forget it, Dross. I've seen that look in Annis' eyes before. He smells blood. Even worse, he smells gold. Ain't nothing Patrick's gonna do to stop him from doing what he wants. TD: Oh good lord! Annis just belted Patrick again! What in the world is going on in that crazed head of his? Look...here he comes! [Dross startled commentary stems from Annis. In his best luchadore imitation, the big fella hits the ropes and goes full speed, head first over the top rope in a makeshift senton splash that levels Kowalski on the outside as he was trying to get to his feet! Kowalski's head cranks hard off of the security railing surrounding the crowd, but Annis fairs little better as his disjointed attempt at high-flying results in his back head crashing hard against the mats outside. Hardcore *POP* followed by thunderous chants of "I-I-W-F...I-I-W-F"] MDW: Looks like Annis is out to prove this Ol' Dog wrong. He hits the right crazy spot and he might just catch Kowalski off guard. SR: Damn that wasn't pretty, but at 290lbs, that's gotta leave a mark. Hey Dross, think we can convince Spreadbury to let Annis pull a "Kowalski" and wrestle for the Cruiserweight belt? At least you know his moves aren't choreographed. TD: I'm sure the President will never fall for such a ruse ever aga... wait a minute! Look in the aisle -- it's Shadoe Rage! Here comes the huge monster that Kowalski must face at Ring Wars! SR: That's if he gets by Annis. Could be Rage/Annis for the world strap if Spreadbury deems it that way. MDW: No way, uhn-uhn. Not a chance in hell. Annis is mine. [The massive "Savage" Shadoe Rage slowly makes his way down the aisle, stopping about 10 feet from the fallen bodies of both Annis and Kowalski. Annis slowly begins to stir as Rage looks on, smiling, watching...] TD: It looks like a car wreck out there. Death and destruction, and Shadoe Rage is the buzzard circling above and waiting for the weakened prey. [Annis gets to his feet and shakes the cobwebs out of his head, then grabs Kowalski and proceeds to slam his head hard onto the steel rail. Kowalski's head jerks back and he slumps against the side of the barrier. Annis stomps away at the champs body, pausing to let out a primal scream that causes the fans nearby to jump. His passion and anger growing, Annis decides to take it up a notch and shoves the timekeeper out of his seat and takes his chair. He rears back to nail Kowalski, but Kowalski moves just in the nick of time and the chair hits nothing but steel with a resulting CLANG! Annis jerks back as the steel-to-steel impact sends shots through the nerves in his arms just like hitting a 90 mph fastball of the wrong part of the bat. As he recoils in pain, Kowalski pushes Sparkplug Lee off of HIS chair and stands to face the "Epitome of Evil". Kowalski raises the chair and brings it crashing down on the head of Annis. Annis is momentarily stunned, then raises his head back up and glares at the New Jersey Nightmare. Kowalski smirks and yells at him "Give me yer best shot, Anus!" Annis is only too happy to oblige and slams his chair hard across the skull of Kowalski. Kowalski staggers back towards the steel steps then rights himself and smirks again.] TD: Looks like we're going to have deulling chairs here folks! [Kowalski follows up with another chair shot, and then Annis retorts. Kowalski again! Crash! Annis again! Clang! Kowalski swings once more! Whap! And Annis again! OUCH!!! Huge Philly-bingo hall *POP*!] SR: This is the senseless violence that the people have demanded. "Give me chairs, lots of chairs, maybe a few tables or two! Oh don't fence them in! Give me blood, lots of blood and the violence that I love! Screw wrestling clean!" MDW: Would you please shut up with the singing before I use my chair on you? [Finally, Kowalski is the first to give as the last shot caught him squarely in the face and cut him deep on the bridge of the nose, causing him to start bleeding. Dazed, he staggers backwards, stopping only when hitting the massive chest of Shadoe Rage. Rage laughs menacingly as Kowalski turns around and stares his Ring Wars challenger in the face. But the confrontation is short lived as Annis once again crowns The Fury over the head with the chair from behind. The champion slumps to the floor in a bloody heap. Seizing the opportunity, Rage begins to kick at the fallen Fury, but Annis is having none of it, grabbing Rage by the shoulder and calling him off. The huge Rage scoffs at Annis and commences his assault on Kowalski once again. Too bad for Rage that Annis wasn't joking...to prove it, Annis rears back with the steel chair and unloads a shot on Rage that even Hank Aaron would be envious of. Shocked crowd *POP*! Suddenly, out comes Poutine Janois and the IIWF security force once again. As Janois runs to the ring, he sports a look on his face that can best be described as "Why didn't I just stay out here the first time." But then again, it might just have been indigestion. Janois and the security team quickly seperate Annis from Rage and take Annis' new favorite toy away from him. Annis doesn't let the interruption bother him, seeing Kowalski still down on the floor. He slips past security and throws Kowalski back into the ring.] TD: It's chaotic here on Saturday night here folks, and we are running out of time. Looks like Annis senses that as he throws Kowalski back into the ring. SR: Can't beat the World Champion without pinning him in the ring. Smart man for a crazed SOB. [Annis pulls the weary and bloody Kowalski to his feet and sets him up for a chokeslam. He wraps his massive hand around the Fury's throat, summons the strength to lift him up, and slams him down violently, silencing the obvious pro-Kowalski crowd as they sense danger. Annis does not go for the cover however, instead choosing to go for another choke slam. But this time as he goes to lift the champion up, Kowalski counters with a boot to the midsection. A stunned Annis pauses momentarily and is hit in the Annis' family jewels for good measure.] TD: Steve Kowalski some how is fighting back. After all of the punishment he absorbed from those chairshots earlier, I don't see how he's back on his feet, much less gaining control of this match-up. MDW: You think those chairs hurt him? Nah, Dross. The whippings his old man Bruno the Sandman gave him were twice as brutal, I guarantee you. The Fury's still around long after them too. [Kowalski drags Annis to his feet and musters every last inch of strength in his body to hit him with a Tiger Driver! Crowd pop! The crowd comes alive as they since Steve Kowalski is on the verge of winning again. The Fury looks around and heads the the top rope, climbing up slowly from the inside...he braces himself on top apparently ready to try to end the match with the moonsault.] TD: The Fury is up on the top. I think he's going to try for that moonsault of his! If he hits this, it could be over for Annis. MDW: [holding up the piece of tricycle Kowalski gave him] Didn't he forget this? TD: Kowalski sets...here he goes -- No! He hesitated...I think he sees Shadoe Rage. He does see Rage...oh my god! [Having spotted Rage, Kowalski forgets about his moonsault attempt and instead launches him himself of the top turnbuckle, through the air, and into the crowd of security that was trying to retain Shadoe Rage! He barely clears the steel steps and Poutine Janois, landing squarely on the chest of Rage and both men hit the floor hard. Big Fury *POP*! The two Ring Wars opponents go at it like there's no tomorrow, with security able to do little to stop them.] SR: Hot damn, Dross. They're going at it like Jamie and Renee at Lesbo night at the Beaver Trap! TD: Despite security's presence, I think this one is getting out of control. Rage and Fury...now wait a minute, where are you going, Mad Dog? [Watkins slips off his headset, grabs the IIWF belt from an IIWF official and slips into the ring on the opposite side of Annis who is slowly rising to his feet. Annis, unaware of Watkins behind him, shakes the cobwebs from his head and stops to try to comprehend the Rage/Kowalski scene he sees on the floor in front of him. But Annis doesn't get the chance to complete the thought as Watkins runs at full speed, nailing Annis from behind with the belt to the head -- sending the big fella over the top rope and crashing to the floor.] TD: Watkins just couldn't sit still! He had to interfere and now Annis is out of it! [Watkins drops the belt and hops between the ropes after Serge Annis. All of the IIWF security including Janois and referee Joey Patrick are busy trying to separate Rage and Kowalski and keep the brawl from spilling into the crowd, so Watkins acts quickly. He pulls the dazed Annis up by his hair, sets him up for a powerbomb, but instead falls straight backwards in the same move he debuted last week -- this time driving Annis' head hard into the steel steps. *CLANG!* A Big-assed extreme crowd *POP* erupts throughout the building!] TD: Oh my word. Annis' skull just bounced right off of those steel steps. Annis is bleeding from the nose and I think he might be seriously hurt! SR: More carnage. More blood. Higher ratings. Better PPV. Translates to more money and higher salaries for us! Ain't life grand, Drossy? Give 'em hell, Watkins! [Watkins picks up Annis and rolls him into the ring. Meanwhile, the Jobber Justice Squad has arrived on the scene and, with the combined forces of IIWF security, they have managed to separate Kowalski and Rage and move the monstrous Canadian down the aisle and away from the fracas. Kowalski stands, screaming at Rage while being restrained by several men, blood still trickling down from the cut on his nose. Watkins slides out the back of the ring and back to the announcers table as Joey Patrick manages to get Fury back into the ring.] TD: What in the world were you thinking, Mad Dog Watkins? MDW: [putting the headset back on] I was thinking I am a man who lives up to his promises, and I think I told you that Annis was mine. Make no "if"s, "and"s or "but"s about it. He ain't man enough to hold that belt. [Kowalski, smirks as he sees Annis laid out in a bloodied heap in the middle of the ring. Throwing a sly look to the broadcast table, Kowalski yells out to the crowd "It's time, baby!" and the crowd errupts in a deafening roar. "SKULLPUMP...SKULLPUMP...SKULLPUMP" He hooks both of Annis arms', drops his head, and drives the Epitome of Evils head hard into the canvas with the...] TD: SKULLPUMP! Kowalski adds insult to injury with the Skullpump! It's gotta be over! [Referee Joey Patrick hits the canvas and begins to count... One... Two... THREE!!! Ding Ding Ding!!!] SL: Ladies and gentlemen...your winner and STILL IIWF World Heavyweight Champion of the World!!! STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI!!! [The crowd erupts as Kowalski's hand is raised in victory, the cheers mixed with chants of both "Fury" and "Skullpump". Referee Joey Patrick shakes his head and quickly makes an exit, glad the match is over. Kowalski grabs the IIWF belt of the edge of the ring where Watkins had left it and hoists it high overhead. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and the crowd responds to their champion!] TD: What a war we have seen tonight folks! Amazing performance by both Annis and Kowalski and all in the name of the World Title! SR: Look at that Kowalski. He's my favourite cussin', drinkin', fightin', and Skullpumpin' SOB. You hear the people Dross -- you gotta love him. TD: Love him or not, he is the World Champion. Remember folks to catch us this Monday for Musings and this Tuesday for "Inside... [Dross is cut off as Shadoe Rage hits the ring at full speed and pulls an unexpecting Kowalski down from the turnbuckle. The two warriors resume the fracas of minutes ago with renewed vigour, much to the delight of the crowd.] TD: They're going at it again! Just how bad does Shadow Rage want Steve Kowalski! SR: I'd say more than Dirt Dog Unique Allah craves a bottle of Colt 45 first thing in the morning! Hey...where you going Mad Dog? It's getting good again! MDW: [removing headset] I did what I came here for. Let the boys have their fun. I had mine... just ask Annis when he wakes up. [Watkins gets up from the broadcast table and begins to make his way down the aisle to the back, ignoring the brouhaha that ensues in the ring. About half way down, Watkins realises that maybe ignoring the ring was a bad idea as a revived and quite angry Serge Annis catches him from behind and takes him down with a football tackle. Annis begins unloading on Watkins with rights and lefts, then Watkins rolls him over and responds in earnest. The camera zooms back to a wide angle view of the ring where we can see both Annis/Watkins in the aisle and Fury/Rage in the ring.] TD: All hell has broken loose here, folks! It's Shadoe Rage and Kowalski in the ring and now Rage has got a chair! Rage unloads with that chair! And Watkins and Annis are heading this way! Look out Steve Roberts! SR: Incoming! [Both Dross and Roberts bail as Annis and Watkins both slam hard into the announcers table, having brawled their way back to the ring. As Roberts drops his headset and heads up the aisle, Steve Kowalski and Shadoe Rage topple over the top rope and all four men are brawling within mere feet of Tim Dross.] TD: This is insane! We're outta time folks and I'm getting out of here! If this is crazy, what do you think the PPV will be like in a mere two weeks?! So long, everybody! [The shot fades as Dross does his best to scamper out of the way of the brawling that fills the ring area. The crowd is going nuts chanting "I-I-W-F" and all four men tumble into the crowd as security once more arrives. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+