[Fade up on total darkness. A voice-over begins:] VO: It has been a long road. But in seven days, the journey will be at an end. [Suddenly, the darkness is shattered by a powerful spotlight switching on at the extreme left of the shot, a distinct beam of light picking out the brawny figure of Steve "the Fury" Kowalski, the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship slung over his shoulder, and his frame cast in sharp relief, his musculature black and white in stark shadows.] VO: In seven days, the superstars of the IIWF will reach their destination... and will meet their destiny. [Another shaft of light pierces the darkness at the extreme right. Bathed in this bright light is the ebony frame of Shadoe Rage, his eyes hidden by the shadows of the overhead spotlight. His arms are folded, and he stands unmoving.] VO: Two men will battle it out for the most prized possession in the world of sports. [Another shaft of light shines down, and next to the Fury stands Mad Dog Watkins, his arms also folded across his chest, his long shadow stretching forwards out of the shot.] VO: Two men will wrestle in one of the most dangerous matches in IIWF history. Two men divided by hate... [A fourth spotlight clicks on, and the huge frame of Serge Annis is seen standing between Watkins and Shadoe Rage. Annis' many scars, all over his well-defined body, are picked out and highlighted by the brightness of the beam.] VO: ...will be united in blood. But tonight... these four men will stand together in the ring. Tonight, the war comes to the Congo. Tonight, as the IIWF prepares to... RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE! [The opening graphics explode onto the screen:] ________ ______ __ ____ ___ __ . _ ___ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| / /\ | | || \| \ /\ \ / |\ || / \| | | | || | \ v v / | __| \__ /__\ | | ||__/| |/__\ v | \||| __|-| | |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| \ \| v | \|__/ \| | || \_|| | | __________________________/...hour one...\........|...|.......|....| LIVE! Democratic Republic of Congo, Africa 14 March 1998 [The opening graphics fade through to a shot taken from a helicopter as it swoops over the jungles of the Congo, over the approaching cityscape and on, towards the huge open-air football stadium, spotlights from within probing the deep purple sky and creating an oasis of light amidst the surrounding darkness. The helicopter swoops onwards, over the stadium, revealing the thousands upon thousands of fans, little more than dots, who swarm the floor of the stadium and line its sides. Over these scenes comes the voice of veteran IIWF announcer Tim Dross:] TD: Welcome everybody to the Congo! [A great cheer goes up! Cut to a shot taken from the floor of the arena, pointing upwards into the dark sky, where the helicopter, landing lights blinking, disappears from view. The shot pans down past the mezzanine, past the huge video wall at one end of the stadium which relays the shot to the capacity crowd, to the sea of fans stretching out into the distant darkness.] TD: Welcome everybody to the last stop on the Road to Ring Wars 5! [Another big pop from the fans! Cut to a shot taken from a hand-held camera at the top of the aisle. The camera begins a head-long dash towards the ring, fans on either side of the steel crowd barriers clamouring to get into the shot. The camera reaches ringside and points up at the ring, illuminated as if it were the middle of the day by the huge lighting rigging above it, supported by four scaffolding pillars. The enclosure is raised off the floor of the stadium, and in the ring... stands Tim Dross.] TD: Welcome everybody to a very special edition of IIWF Saturday Night! Welcome to the Rumble in the Jungle! [Big, big pop from the fans in attendance... which grows even louder as "The Olympic Fanfare" blasts over the PA system!] TD: Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome my guest at this time. He has been injured for well over a month, but in just seven days time he will step back into the ring to face the man who put him on the shelf -- and he will step back into a ring enclosed by fifteen feet of steel! Please welcome the number one contender to the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship... ICEHAWK! [Icehawk appears at the top of the aisle. Huge Pop! For the first time in some weeks, he is not wearing a neck brace, but as he walks to the ring, he still appears to be moving stiffly. On his way to the ring, he takes the time to slap hands with the fans, but his trademark grin is totally absent. Finally he arrives and waits for Tim's first question:] TD: Well, I guess the obvious thing to ask is how you are feeling. IH: Pretty good. I'm not going to say that I'm 100 percent, but after one more week of training, I'll be close. TD: Doesn't it worry you to be going into a cage match with someone as dangerous as the Enigma at less than one hundred percent? IH: Tim, I'm a professional wrestler. We aren't ever one hundred percent. Yeah, my neck and back aren't in perfect shape, but this time off has done wonders for my knees. It's all relative. TD: Let's get to the point, then. In one week, you are going to be facing a man who almost ended your career, and in the minds of your doctors and your friends, who should have ended your career. And you are going to be facing him in a fifteen foot steel cage. To be honest, everyone I know is expecting you to be taken out of the arena on a stretcher once again. IH: I know. Before I came out here, Fitz was telling me that it wasn't too late to turn down the match. And, physically, I know he's right. But you know why I won't do it? TD: Why? IH: [suddenly angry] Because I am sick and tired of this crap! I'm sick of watching the entire IIWF run scared of a two hundred and ten pound gutless coward! Everyone talks about the "chaos" part of his personality... bull. He's acting like this because he knows that he's not good enough anymore. He's lost it, alright -- but "it" isn't his sanity. It is his talent. [At this point, Icehawk snatches the microphone away from Tim, and starts walking around the ring, looking for the Enigma.] IH: Where are you now, Musashi? I know you can hear me. And you know I'm right. You've fooled everyone else -- they really believe that you are the most dangerous man in wrestling. So they think I've lost my mind by going into a steel cage with you. [Icehawk finally stops pacing, and takes up a position where he can stare down the aisle toward the locker rooms.] IH: But, weeks and weeks ago, I was in the ring with you. And you knew that I was about to beat you -- I saw the fear in your eyes. So you tried to break my neck and end my career. But you didn't get the job done, did you? And you keep trying and trying... and I keep getting up. [By this point, Icehawk's voice has turned almost into a growl -- the intensity and anger distorting his usual tones.] IH: And now I'm back -- and you know I'm going to destroy you. [With that, Icehawk drops the microphone, vaults over the top rope and heads for the back without even glancing at the cheering fans. Tim Dross seems surprised that the interview has been ended so abruptly, and ducks out of the ring to make his way to the broadcast table, to take up his position next to "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, who is wearing a leather jacket and irritatedly spraying a can of fly-repellant at a swarm of mosquitoes.] SR: Damn it, Dross, why the hell do we have to be out here in the jungle in the middle of the night? TD: Well, hello to you too, Steve Roberts. Howdy, folks, and welcome to another edition of IIWF Saturday Night! We are coming to you live and loud from this jam-packed stadium in deepest, darkest Africa. It may well be three in the morning here so that we can come to you live in prime-time in the States, but there are one hundred thousand fans surrounding us here in this historic building where the infamous Ali/Foreman match went down so many years ago. SR: Where's the Smooth, Dross? Can we get that big Mexican galoot to come out here and eat these flies? TD: I'm sure you'll survive, Steve Roberts. Folks, I'm Tim Dross, and beside me, as always, is my tag team partner and broadcast colleague, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, who is perhaps a little irritable on account of the late hour. SR: At this time of night, Dross, the only place I want to be is in a physically impossible sexual position with a nubile young lap dancer, Dross. I sure as heck don't want to be sitting at ringside in a jungle with you -- no offence, buddy -- calling damned tag team matches. TD: Well, I believe we will have plenty of action here tonight to keep you interested, Steve Roberts. As you will know, folks, we are now just seven days away from what is sure to be one of the biggest pay-per-view events of the year, Ring Wars 5, which will emanate live from Wembley Stadium, in London, England. No less than twelve unique matches will be coming your way next Saturday night, folks, and tonight we will see many of the superstars who will be making headlines in seven days in some highly intriguing matches. SR: They're tag team matches, Dross. How the hell can they be intriguing? TD: It's action as only the IIWF can bring you, Steve Roberts -- tag team matches with men who will be facing each other in seven days on opposite teams tonight, and we will even see men who will be facing one another at Ring Wars 5 in action tonight on the same team! It's going to be a wild, wild night! SR: Clearly we have different definitions of the term "wild night," Dross. My idea of a wild night is doing Chelsea in the back of my 'Stang with... TD: [interrupting] I really don't think we need to go there, Steve Roberts. Fans, here's just some of the action coming your way tonight: as you heard at the top of the show, the participants of two of the most eagerly-awaited Ring Wars 5 matches will square off tonight: Steve Kowalski will team with Mad Dog Watkins, the man he defeated just two weeks ago in that incredible Progressive Death Match in Toronto, to face Shadoe Rage and Serge Annis. And in just seven days, it will be Kowalski vs. Rage and Annis vs. Watkins! It's going to be a real Ring Wars preview here tonight! SR: It don't matter who you put the Fury in the ring with, Dross. The result's always the same: Skullpump. TD: That remains to be seen, Steve Roberts. We'll also see a Congo Death Match pitting Team Sychosys against the Prophets of Rage. As you can see, Joe Petrow and "Mr. Majestyk" Maurice McArthur are already at ringside. [Brief cut to the section of the ringside crowd containing the Sychopaths, who are all bedecked in full camouflage fatigues, with their faces blacked up. In their midst, Joe Petrow and Maurice McArthur are visible, stony-faced. Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: And who knows what kind of havoc they'll wreak here tonight in support of the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi, the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, who is also in action tonight as he faces the poster boy of the "Wrestle Clean" campaign, the "Big Dog" Ike Sampson. SR: Murderer. I saw the papers, Dross. TD: We know, Steve Roberts. We'll also see sworn enemies Duncan Macbeth and Simon Lebec -- who will face one another in the first-ever Thames Barge match in seven days -- on opposing teams, along with Timothy N. Turner and Andrew Macbeth -- who will also square off at Ring Wars 5 in a Highland Brawl. The Macbeth cousins, of course, were for some time a highly successful tag team known as the Black Watch, but tonight they are on opposing teams. Who knows what we're going to see in that one? SR: Duncan Macbeth impressed me last week, Dross. He could impress me even more by taking out his cousin tonight. TD: Fans, we have all sorts of action scheduled here tonight, so let's get up to the ring without any further ado for tonight's first match. This one should be a doozy, as former World Tag Team Champions, the Natural Predators -- who will get the opportunity to win their titles back next Saturday night -- against former holders of the now-defunct United States Tag Team Championships, the newly-returned Night Patrol. Let's go over to Sparkplug Lee for the introductions! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Natural Predators vs. Night Patrol |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... WRITER: Joel Verlin [Cut to the ring. The ever present, ever ready IIWF announcer Sparkplug Lee takes the microphone. The audience contains a few extra stars this week as the camera catches shots of Awesome T trying to flirt with a lovely blonde IIWF page... "Sychosys" Joe Petrow and "Mr. Majestyk" Maurice McArthur sitting with the Sychopaths... The Machines in attendance, apparently to scout the tag team competition... and the iced coffee booths are mobbed as the clock strikes 3am. Cut back to the ring as Sparkplug Lee, wearing a "Ring Wars V" button, gets ready for the evening's first introductions.] SL: Welcome to Africa and the IIWF's Saturday Night RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE! Introducing first weighing in at 534 pounds and accompanied to the ring by Asst. DA Brenda Hawkings, Here are Sgt. Rey Garcia and Lt. Jack Blazer... they are THE NIGHT PATROL! [The theme from "Dragnet" plays over the PA system as the threesome make their way to the ring. Blazer and Garcia are dressed in their usual police uniforms and Hawkings makes her way down in a business suit. Hawkings is also carrying a briefcase. On their way down to the ring, the fans start chanting, "Garcia Sucks!" Garcia lunges for one of the fans but is restrained by Hawkings and Blazer. Once in the ring, Blazer and Garcia try to calm down Garcia.] SL: And their opponents weighing in at 625 pounds and accompanied to the ring by their manager, Kuyler Grayson, here are Bear and Grey Phoenix... they are the NATURAL PREDATORS! ["Destination Eschaton" by The Shamen blares over the IIWF public address system. Bear and Grey Phoenix charge to the ring with Grayson close behind! The Predators jump into action and attack right away!] TD: A quick beginning as all four men are in the ring, Steve Roberts! SR: Damn it, Dross, stop trying to get me interested in a tag team match. You know if won't work. [In the ring the referee has all four men get into their corners to start the match. Bear and Blazer start off the match. Bear towers over Blazer and the two lock up. The advantage is obviously Bear's as Blazer is quickly on the mat after Bear flings Blazer into the ropes Blazer is on the receiving end of a wicked clothesline. Blazer is having a hard time matching Bear's sheer power.] TD: And the Night Patrol is having their problems early on... Blazer needs Garcia in there quick! SR: Hey... look at that sign, Dross! [Steve Roberts catches sight of a powerful-looking man dressed in a Mexican mask and a dark grey, "Hugo Hugo, Mucho Mucho" cut-off T-shirt. He is holding up a sign reading: "I snuck in for this?"] TD: IIWF security is headed for that gentleman... and in the ring Blazer pokes Bear in the eyes and Blazer tags in Garcia! SR: And I'm supposed to care about this, Dross? TD: You act as if you know what's going to happen, Steve Roberts! SR: The Soundbite knows all, Dross. Let's just say this close to Ring Wars, anything can happen! Hey, waitress! [In the ring Grey Phoenix locks up with Garcia. Garcia catches Grey Phoenix off balance with a leg sweep and a spinning leg lariat! Garcia then hits Grey Phoenix with a standing drop kick and goes for the cover...] TD: We have one... we have two... no! Close but no cigar, Steve Roberts. Garcia had the momentum swinging his way but his cockiness was his undoing! [Grey Phoenix recovers quickly from the assault and catches Garcia off guard with a SPINWHEEL KICK! As Grey Phoenix picks up a stunned Garcia... Bob Ivey and Major Jonathan Ivey emerge from the locker room and stop midway down the aisle... waiting for The Night Patrol to see that they are here...] TD: Part of the American Dragons are here, Steve Roberts! My word, what could they be doing at ringside? SR: Who cares, Dross? BFD! Ah! Here's my milk! [An attractive waitress hands Roberts his glass of milk. Garcia hits Grey Phoenix with a powerslam! Garcia tags Blazer back in and both Night Patrol members hit Grey Phoenix with a double clothesline! Blazer continues to pound Grey Phoenix while Garcia is aware of two men in the aisle... and he's not happy to see them at all!] TD: Garcia has just noticed the Dragon contingent. And Garcia starts to rush after the Iveys as they are hurling insults in his direction... [Joe Scalercio suddenly comes from out under the ring! The two Iveys wait until Scalercio nails the rookie Garcia from behind with a steel chair! Bob and Jon hold Garcia while Joe hits Garcia over the head with a steel chair once, and Jon then smirks to a nearby camera, "Now _that's_ how you do an ambush!" Blazer sees the outside action from the ring and runs to help his partner just as Garcia breaks free. Blazer grabs the steel chair from Joe and hits Joe over the head with the same steel chair that Joe used on Garcia! Garcia grabs Bob by the throat and slams him into the guardrail! The fans are going nuts! The Predators are in the ring watching the whole show as the referee counts out the Night Patrol!] TD: The American Dragons are causing the Patrol to get counted out here! The referee is signalling for the bell! [Ding! Ding! Ding! None of the wrestlers on the outside pay any heed, as Blazer swings the steel chair at Major Jon but misses! Bob heads for the locker room and his two partners follow! The Night Patrol is in high speed pursuit!] TD: A count-out win for the Predators here and an interesting way to open up the rumble in the jungle! SR: I think I'm sick to my stomach, Dross. [The Natural Predators mount opposite turnbuckles and make the universal sign that the belts will soon be around their waists once more. As they dismount the buckles and head back to the locker room with Kuyler Greyson, cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: Folks, our next match features a reluctant tag team and two men who simply hate each other. You'll remember that the IIWF President decreed that Derek Mota would have to wrestle with the "calming influence" of Richard "Moxy" Blue to prevent him doing any harm to himself or the other wrestlers of the IIWF... and tonight, that unlikely combination goes up against "To Excess" Rick Williams and Marty Warnett, who will be facing one another in just seven days in a Blindfold Match! We could see a preview of Ring Wars 5 here tonight -- I can't imagine that Warnett and Williams will be able to work together. SR: Didn't they used to be some gay tag team, Dross? The W & W Express or something? TD: No they did not, Steve Roberts. Let's get up to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Richard "Moxy" Blue & Derek Mota vs. |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| "To Excess" Rick Williams & Marty Warnett ....................................................................... WRITER: Mark Stone [Sparkplug resumes his position back in the ring now that some sort of order has seemingly been restored, and the man adjusts his jacket before looking down with a mild look of worry on his face searching his pockets for the intro cards.] TD: I suggest we get him a leash for those things. SR: Better yet a muzzle. Make myself and a lot of the Sychopaths a lot happier. [As if on cue, the camera zooms in on 4M and Petrow, along with a screaming batch of the Sychopaths, their entire group in their "military" style attire, and the white of the eyes of Petrow obviously visible from under the face paint.] SL: This match is for one fall, introducing first.... [The voice of Richard Blue comes out over the speaker system with a very loud "Oh yeah! Righteous!". Out of the back steps the figures of Stone and on his shoulders is the man scheduled to wrestle, Richard "Moxy" Blue. The two men stop on the top of the entrance way as the music of "We Love Moxy Blue" begins to play, an obvious take on "We Love Rock'n' Roll".] SL: Hailing from Chester, Nova Scotia and weighing in at 185 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Stone, this is RICHARD "MOXY" BLUE!!! [As Stone carries Moxy down the aisle piggy back style, behind him can be seen the figure of Derek Mota who is shaking his head and a glare across his face. The two wrestlers have apparently been fashion co-ordinated as Blue has forgone his usual "Sparkplug"-style attire to be entire clothed as Mota is.] TD: Mota obviously not happy with this match-up, as you can tell by the look on his face. SR: He's just upset because Moxy looks better in his own outfit than Derek does. TD: Fashion jealousy? SR: Sure, just like you are of me and all my "Soundbites." If only you had my gift for vocabulary. SL: And his partner for this match. Hailing from Toronto, Canada, and weighing in at 224 pounds, ladies and gentlemen, this is DEREK MOTA!!!!! [Mota passes by the camera, as the view changes to show Awesome T still seated at ringside, who leans forward in his seat to watch the man who is now walking past him to the steps. Moxy, then, climbs himself up on the shoulders of Stone, and flips over and into the ring, bouncing around back and forth off the ropes. Mota makes his way up the steps, as Sparkplug shuffles the cards around his hands.] SL; And their opponents... [Suddenly Moxy moves in on Sparkplug and "nudges" the man away from the microphone.] RMB: Sparky, my buddy, my fashion compatriot, you're gonna have to learn somethin', mon ami. this team is not only the greatest high risk tandem the Double has ever seen, but we also have a different name that you were about to give. Say it with me Sparks... we are Blue... Skies... got it? Blue... and Skies? [Sparkplug looks at Mox, and then at Mota, who is obviously even more so upset at the pairing, and Sparkplug mumbles something out of his mouth. Moxy however, isn't happy with the comment, and has Sparkplug repeat it with a "louder" comment.] SL: [muttering] Blue Skies. RMB: Way to go, Buddy! [Moxy nods his approval, and Mota moves over to the man, and pushes him in the chest, and he can be heard saying "I am not your team-mate", while Mox simply holds up his hands in jest as if he didn't realise it would bother Mota so much.] SL: And their opponents. First, hailing from Minneapolis, Minnesota... [Mark Knopfler's "Local Hero" begins to play over the speakers, drawing a chorus of boos for the most part from the crowd, and the camera pans the crowd, stopping on a well- built gentleman in a Mexican style mask and a dark grey cut-off T-shirt that reads "Hugo Hugo, Mucho Mucho". In his hands is a sign which reads "Mr. Coolie is my father", before zooming back to the aisle entranceway.] SL: He weighs in at 257 pounds, this is "TO EXCESS" RICK WILLIAMS! [The boos continue as Williams steps out from the walkway, and takes a long slow walk down toward the steps. The wrestler glances over at the Sychopath group sitting at ringside in their "outfits", and just shakes his head and a smile crosses his face as he makes his way up into the ring. Williams immediately makes his way to the far corner, to insure that he keeps his distance from the two high-fliers, and the music slowly fades out, only to be replaced by David Lee Roth's "Just Like Paradise".] SL: And his partner hails from Cardiff, Wales, and weighs in at 247 pounds. Ladies and gentlemen, this is MARTY WARNETT!!! [The crowd gives a solid pop as Marty steps out from behind the entrance. The wrestler takes a long look up at the ring where Mota is still apparently in the war of words with Blue, and Williams stands across the ring in the corner. Marty takes a slow walk down toward the ring, never taking his eyes off of it, in particular off of Williams, and he points to the referee, and motions for the man to back Williams away from the ropes.] TD: Warnett not wanting anything to happen before Ring Wars it appears. SR: And you notice that Excess is being the perfect athlete. TD: Indeed, Williams backing off from the ropes, and letting Warnett up in the ring. [Williams moves in closer to Marty, who immediately climbs back out from between the ropes, and motions for the man to back off again. Williams however, doesn't and even sticks out a handshake offer, placing the other behind his back. Mota already having climbed out of the ring, stands on the ring apron, as the official finally gets Williams to back off, allowing Marty to climb into the squared circle.] TD: And it looks like we're finally ready to begin this. SR: And Mota still not apparently happy. TD: Can you honestly blame him? SR: This is the real world. You learn to deal with things you don't dislike. You and I are the perfect example. TD: Very true. [The official finally gets Marty out of the ring, and Williams and Blue start things off in the match, as they go for a collar and elbow tie up. Williams quickly turns the hold into a standing wristlock, but Moxy pushes Williams right back to the ropes, forcing the referee to get in and call for a break. Williams however, is reluctant to do so, despite being pushed back against the ropes. Moxy forces the issue however, as he levels into Excess with a hard chop, before sending the man across the ring, and connects with a leaping elbow thrust. Williams is immediately sent back to the ropes, and Moxy pushes the man back into the ropes, and extends a hand out to Mota for a tag, but Derek refuses to acknowledge the attempt. Blue shakes his head, and a smile can be seen on the former Louisianian's face, and the man finally decides to return to the attack on Williams.] TD: Mota definitely wanting nothing to do with Blue at all during this match. SR: It's early in the match. Mota will come around. [Williams is then pushed back to the corner by Blue, and fired off across the ring again, sending Excess into the turnbuckle. Moxy then charges in, only to be met by a boot square against the face.] SR: And look at Mota, he's enjoying seeing that one. That's not how your supposed to work with your partner. TD: I think co-workers would be a better word. I still can't see how President Spreadbury got all four men to sign this match. SR: Who cares, he signed it, and Mota is supposed to work as a team in it. [Moxy turns himself around after the boot to the face, and is met by a running clothesline that puts the man down on the mat. Williams immediately makes his way to the corner where Warnett stands, and points down to Blue before extending a tag to his partner for the evening. After a moment's deliberation as Blue gets back up to his feet, Marty finally obliges.] SR: At least one person knows how this is supposed to work. [Warnett climbs into the ring and moves in on Blue, but not before Blue can make it over to the corner where Mota still remains on the ring apron.] SR: Hell, I guess Blue should be thankful that Derek ain't run off yet. TD: I'm not sure what the strategy is for Mota. SR: Strategy? He's letting Moxy take a beating in the ring. [Moxy offers a tag to Mota, and despite the chorus of "no"s from the majority of the crowd, Mota reaches out for the tag and accepts it. Moxy climbs out to the ring apron, and smiles at the camera saying "See? No problem." Mota, now in the ring, is reluctant to lock up with Warnett at the moment, and he holds up a single hand to the wrestler, trying to keep the man at bay. Mota then turns around and motions to the referee, and as Blue turns back from the camera view, he is immediately tagged with a shove to the shoulder by Mota. Inside the ring, Warnett continues to stand there, while Moxy shakes his head "no" to the referee, and gestures that it wasn't a legal tag.] TD: Looks like it's Mox who isn't interested in the team work now. SR: What kind of teamwork is that from Mota? Blue doing everything he's supposed to in the ring, and now it's supposed to be Mota's turn. TD: Not anymore, apparently. Moxy trying to coax Derek back into the ring. And not getting anywhere might I add. [The referee starts a count on the team of Blue and Mota, and finally after some further reluctance, Blue makes his way back into the squared circle. Warnett moves in for a lockup, but the Canadian catches the man with a quick boot to the midsection, and quickly hooks him up for a suplex. Blue turns back to face tell Mota "This is what you're supposed to do, and then attempts a suplex.] SR: That's it. Explain to the man what tag team wrestling is all about. [Mota just nods as Moxy gives him the words of advice, but the suplex attempt is blocked by Warnett. Blue shakes his head "no" again, and attempts the suplex a second time, but again the attempt is blocked, and this time reversed by Warnett, who quickly hoists the man over with a snap suplex of his own, sending Blue to the canvas. Blue immediately sits up to realise that he's facing right into Williams, and immediately starts pulling himself back across the ring much to the delight of the crowd.] TD: I take it that was what he was supposed to explain? SR: You realise this is all Mota's fault. If he'd got in there like he should have he could have had control of this match. [Blue gets up to his feet, and turns around just in time to be leveled by a drop-kick from Warnett, that puts Moxy down on the mat yet again. Marty drops down for a cover on top of Moxy, but can only hold the attempt for a two count before Blue kicks out of the effort. Warnett quickly moves in behind Blue and applies a rear chinlock on the man, keeping Blue down on the mat. The referee moves in to check to see if the hold is legal and signals his approval, as Blue is forced to try to fight his way back up to his feet. After a few more seconds, Blue is able to turn himself over in the chinlock, and quickly plants an elbow to the midsection of Warnett, forcing some separation between the two men. Blue then pulls himself out of the arms of Warnett, and takes off to the ropes, and rebounds, but right into a knee lift from Marty, three-sixtying Moxy over to the mat. Warnett reaches over for a tag to Williams, who takes it with almost no hesitation this time, and the man immediately drops down for a weak lateral press cover that doesn't even get a one count. Williams gets up to his feet, and just looks over at Warnett, and can be heard saying "You were supposed to weaken him up some."] TD: You have to be kidding me, right? SR: Hey, Excess knows what he's doing. Good ol' Marty needs to learn his. [Williams pulls Blue back up to his feet, and fires the man across the ring, before hooking him with an armdrag takedown, and this time it's Williams who is heard saying "Now that's how you do it, right."] SR: Teach by example. TD: For an armdrag? I thought that was basics for wrestlers? SR: You want to get in there and try it, Timbo? [Williams then gets up to his feet, and tags a very reluctant Warnett, who just issues a glare at his partner for the evening. Warnett reluctantly climbs back into the ring, and looks back over at Williams, who points down at Blue who has pushed himself back up to his knees. Warnett moves in to the wrestler, but is immediately met by a shoulder to the midsection breaking up any opportunity for the Britainer. Blue fires off any other shoulder smash, sending Warnett back to the corner, and Blue struggles to his feet to move in on the man, and drives a series of shoulders into Warnett. Blue then launches Marty across the ring, and catches him as he gets back to the centre of the ring, and catches him coming off with a quick spinebuster. Both men however, drop to the mat in pain and exhaustion.] TD: I'm surprised Moxy's even gone on this long, considering this heat. SR: And these mosquitoes. Damn, I could have filled the Mayo Clinic with all the blood they've drawn from me already! [Blue rolls over toward the ropes, as Warnett is still near motionless in the ring, other than lifting his arms up. The official's count is up to four as Blue pulls himself up by the ropes, and falls forward to make a tag to Mota. Mota climbs into the ring and looks at Warnett, who has pulled himself back up to his knees, but the Toronto native doesn't move in, instead, turning back around, and waiting for Blue to get back up to his feet on the ring apron.] SR: Why isn't Mota moving in? He could have this won! TD: I'm not sure myself either... And there's a slap to the face of Blue! SR: Come on! TD: And the official is saying that that was a legal tag. SR: What match is he watching? [Indeed, Mota tags Blue back with a pop to the face, and Blue is highly reluctant to enter the ring, but this time Mota helps him out by slingshotting him over the top rope into the squared circle. Warnett meanwhile has gotten himself up and over to make a tag to Williams who has entered into the ring, and stares at the scene in front of him in disbelief. The officials motions for Mota to exit out of the ring, and Williams turns his attention to Blue. Excess pulls Moxy up to his feet, and fires the man across the ring before planting a boot the midsection. Williams follows the attempt up with a running kneelift that puts Blue down to the mat, and attempts another very lazy cover, almost allowing Moxy to escape at a count of two. Williams just smiles and pulls Moxy up to his feet once again, this time scooping the man up and planting him with a bodyslam, but instead of a cover, again makes his way over to Warnett, and tags the reluctant wrestler. Williams immediately climbs out of the ring, forcing Marty to re-enter the ropes, and the wrestler obliges again, but again does so reluctantly.] TD: Williams again yelling at Warnett to do as he just did. SR: That's right Excess has been doing all the work in this match-up. TD: All the work? Correct me if I'm wrong, but an armdrag and a bodyslam do not count as all the work. SR: Who's had the pinning attempts? That's right. TD: I should ask which match you've been watching. [Warnett climbs in the ring, and pulls Blue up, but Moxy quickly rolls the man over into a small package cradle pin attempt. Warnett however, is able to break out before the two count and is quickly back up to his feet, and he lays in a quick boot to the head of Blue. Warnett pulls Moxy right back up to his feet and drives the man head first into the corner padding. Warnett repeats the process, and then spins Blue around, and fires off a hard chop across the chest of the man, before hiptossing him back into the centre of the ring. Marty then comes out of the corner, and lands a knee drop on the head of Moxy, and quickly rolls the cover over, but Blue is able to push out at two. Williams is heard yelling "Let me show you how to do it.", and Warnett, albeit with a wary eye, gets up to his feet and gives Williams a hard tag to bring Excess into the ring.] SR: Time for class again. TD: Or the lack thereof. [Williams points to Warnett, and motions by pointing at his partner, and then at Moxy, and the man then bounces himself off the ropes to attempt a kneedrop of his own, but Blue is out of the way as Williams comes down on the empty canvas.] TD: Great lesson. SR: He was just showing Marty what not to do, that's all. [Blue pulls himself up in the corner, with Mota, who is standing there, nearly impassive now, and the man gets up to his feet and motions for a tag to Mota, and Mota obliges, although not exactly as expected as he nails Blue square across the face with another slap.] SR: The referee better do something about Mota. TD: Have you just not gotten it yet tonight Steve? SR: Got what? That Mota ain't a team player? We knew that already. TD: You know maybe I'd have better luck if I went and talked to the gorillas. [Mota is then ordered by the referee to enter the ring, yet again considering the slap to be a legal tag, and Derek does so obligingly. Williams again moves in on Mota, but again Mota holds up a hand to try to keep the opponent at bay, and immediately turns around to make yet another tag to Blue, albeit this time, a hard hit on the hand, and Mota slides himself out of the ring, and literally off the ring apron and down to the platform.] SR: I just... I just... TD: I know. We've heard you already a few times tonight. Maybe you'll be ready for the later tag match. SR: I have to go through this again?! [Blue very slowly climbs back into the ropes, and he turns around to say something to Mota, who still stands on the platform out of reach, and Williams uses the opportunity to catch Blue with a knee to the back, sending him into the corner once again, although this time chest first. Williams points to Warnett across the ring, and motions for the man to put a foot up on the ropes, but Warnett refuses to comply, and Williams fires off another quick forearm smash on Blue before hiptossing him once again into the centre of the ring. Williams then makes his way over to Warnett, and motions for the man to put a foot up in the ropes.] SR: Come on Martin, prove that you know how to chea...er, fight. TD: Marty is not going to stoop to Williams level of wrestling! SR: Shows what you know, Dross. [Warnett watches Blue for the entire conversation and then nods his approval. Williams turns his attention back to Moxy, and pulls the man back up to his feet, and pushes the man back into the corner, again, softening him up with forearm smashes to the chest, while Mota remains down on the ring platform watching the happenings. Williams then fires Blue across the ring, but Moxy reverses the whip and it's Williams who goes sailing into the boot of Warnett in the corner.] SR: He did that on purpose! Warnett did that entirely on purpose! He could have moved that foot at any time, and didn't. [Marty feigns a look of apology on his face as if the collision was accidental as Williams falls backwards to the mat. Mota then uses the opportunity to climb up on the ring apron, as Blue drops down for a cover attempt on Williams, but is only able to hold it for a two count. Moxy pulls himself up to his feet, and steps through the ropes and slowly egins to climb the ropes.] TD: We've got commotion coming from the back... SR: Who is it? I can't tell. TD: It's...it's... Luke Steele! This could make a bad situation even worse! [Williams starts to get up to his feet, and is immediately met by a flying dropkick from Moxy, dropping Williams down to the mat. Blue rolls over for a cover attempt, when he sees Steele heading down toward the ring, pointing at Stone, who stands there shrugging his shoulders, but walking back to meet the man with his hands in the air in front of him.[ TD: It looks like this tutelage thing between Stone and Steele isn't over with yet! [Moxy immediately rolls off the cover on Williams, and makes his way over to the ropes and starts yelling at his manager from the distance. Williams rolls himself off to the ropes, and tries to pull himself up to his feet. Outside the ring, Steele and Stone are apparently in another conversation, as the camera view changes to focus on the two men, and Steele is pulling away on one arm of Stone trying to motion him to the back. In the distance, Blue can be seen standing on the bottom rope waving for his manager to come back toward the ring. Steele however, has apparently started to convince Stone who is slowly walking further toward the back of the arena, and Moxy finally decides enough is enough and drops down off the ropes and then makes his way over to the steps at a steady pace toward the duo.] TD: And there goes Blue! SR: He wants his manager at ringside with him, not kow-towing to someone like Steele. TD: Kow-towing? What is kow-towing? SR: You want to know, go find a Congo-ite to tell you. TD: Congo-ite? SR: That's what I said, right? TD: Moxy is in the aisle and he's obviously trying to keep Stone at ringside! [Stone stands there listening to the commentary from Moxy, apparently asking `Where are you going? You're needed here with me. I'm the man you're supposed to be with." and other various, albeit somewhat obvious comments, and pointing back at the ring. Williams pulls himself up to his feet, and looks around the ring to realise that Blue is no longer standing in the squared circle. Unsure of what is going on, the man then turns to the referee, and follows his gaze out toward the aisle. In the aisle, Moxy is still trying to talk to Stone, when Steele finally decides to quiet the man down, by turning him around and nailing the man with a right punch, staggering Blue outside the ring. Stone, apparently taken by surprise at the actions of Steele, stands there trying to stop the two men with gestures but not getting between the two men, as if he were in a state of uncertainty. Then the figure of Derek Mota is seen heading down off the ring apron, and down the steps toward the figure of Steele who is pounding away on the back of Moxy. The bell sounds as Mota finally makes his way to the scene. Just as Blue is able to start retaliating against Luke, Mota nails Blue from behind with a knee.] TD: This is not how this was supposed to turn out. SR: You expected something different? TD: No, actually... Well, weren't you the one harping about teamwork? SR: During the match... TD: Here come the Down Boys, to try to pull some people apart! [Both of the Down Boys, Peterson and Oliver come out of the back to try to pull Derek off of Moxy, while at the same time, Awesome T climbs over the ring railing. Williams pulls himself up to his feet, as Warnett climbs up into the ring to try to observe the happenings along the aisle. Williams pulls himself out from the ring, as everyone focuses on the happenings between Steele, Mota, and Blue. "Superstud" Adam Peterson and "Dazzling" Dan Oliver each grab a hold of Moxy Blue and Derek Mota, respectively pulling them apart from one another, while Steele is immediatley grabbed around the waist by Awesome T, and held back as Steele points at Stone and then to himself.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match, via a countout, MARTY WARNETT AND "TO EXCESS" RICK WILLIAMS!! [The crowd pops a bit at the decision, as Awesome T literally escorts the still vocal Steele toward the back of the arena, while the Down Boys continue to struggle to keep Mota off of Moxy Blue. Suddenly the attention is turned back to the ring as Williams climbs out from under the ring with a flashlight in his hand and he rolls up under the ropes.] SR: Yes!! More and more for this match! It just never stops around here! [The crowd lets out a reactionary pop, as Warnett turns around just in time to duck under a wild swing by Williams with the flashlight, but as Warnett get back up, he isn't so fortunate the second time as Excess connects with a full swing of the tool on the man. Warnett drops straight to the mat holding his jaw, and Williams immediately starts pounding away on the back and the back of the head of Marty.] SR: And let there be light. TD: You're getting clichéd, Steve. SR: What are you talking about? The Soundbite original, available on CD and videodisc has that copyrighted by yours truly. [The Down Boys manage to get both Mota and Blue to the back after some further struggling and finger pointing. Williams then tosses the flashlight to the mat and it rolls toward the edge of the ring and falls off as Excess reaches into his wrestling attire and pulls out a black hood, and holds it up for the crowd, drawing a heel pop from the fans, as he slides the hood open.] TD: The blindfold match a week early! SR: So now the morons don't have to blow thirty bucks? [The groggy Warnett struggles to try to get up to his knees, but as he does so, Williams plants a boot to his back, driving him face first into the mat again, before crouching over the man, as if setting up for a camel clutch. He then slips the bag over the head of the wrestler, and pulls the drawstring, sealing the bag closed.] SR: First he felt the light, and now he gets to learn what it is to be dark. [Williams then pulls Warnett up to his feet, and easily moves out of the way of a wild swing by the wrestler, and fires him across the ring, connecting with a forearm smash to the midsection and then nailing the blinded man with a double axehandle to the back, dropping Marty to the mat. Williams immediately starts stomping away on the midsection of the still hooded Warnett, keeping him from pulling the bag off his head. Suddenly the JJS comes racing down toward the ring and are finally able to pull Williams off of the man he is about to face at Ring Wars 5, and Williams makes his way down the steps before stopping to grab the flashlight. Excess points the flashlight at the camera and turns it on, but nothing comes out of it, until he beats it on his hand a couple of times.] TD: Thank goodness. Someone to stop this before it gets totally out of hand. SR: Ol' Farty won't be that lucky in about a week, will he? [Excess flashes the light directly into the camera as he walks past, and then holds it over head to a chorus of boos from the majority of the crowd, along with the standard heel pop. The camera shows a quick shot of one of the JJS pulling the hood off of Warnett and helping the man up to his feet, before returning to a shot of the Sychopaths, and then back to Roberts and Dross.] TD: In just a few moments, we'll see Ike Sampson square off against the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi in what is sure to be a real power vs. speed contest -- but before that, our broadcast colleague Larry Morton is in the ring, waiting to speak with a newcomer to the IIWF: the huge veteran, Eddy "Flap" Jacks. Mr. Jacks is certainly outspoken, and this is sure to be an interesting interview. Over to you, Larry. [A nonchalant Larry Morton stands in the centre of the ring, casually twirling the microphone around his finger. He notes his cue, raises the mic to his lips and begins to speak.] LM: He's a man who's caused no small amount of controversy in the IIWF since his debut. He's also a man who's determined to earn the respect he feels the federation has denied him. Let's bring out... EDDY JACKS! [The heavy metal sound of Pearl Jam's "Unforgiven" plays over the PA as Eddy Jacks, attired in a dapper azure sportcoat and matching slacks, trudges to the ring. He receives a mild if unified heel pop, indicative of Jacks' relatively small impact on the IIWF faithful. Several fans extend hands and signs towards Jacks. The big man brushes them away and continues his slow, laboured march to the ring. Upon reaching the ring apron, he gingerly slips through the ropes and takes several steps towards Morton, who appears to be staring off into the crowd.] LM: Ah... yes. Eddy. Your debut last week against Ike Sampson was a less than auspicious one. Do you feel you acquitted yourself well? EJ: Like I been sayin', Larry, it ain't w's and l's that matter. I took it ta Sampson... an' he's one o' this fed's certified A-1 stars. LM: Yes, it was apparent that you and Sampson were on even terms for much of the match. However, your post-match actions clearly resulted in a league sanction. [Jacks adjusts his pants, a slight smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.] EJ: Ain't nothin' I couldn't pay. Ya gotta get 'em ta stand up an' take notice. Ya gotta let the fed know yer here. If it means slappin' a ref or chokin' some goody-goody Carolina convict, that's just too _damn_ bad. LM: Several pundits have referred to you as the IIWF's next dominant big man. Any thoughts? [Jacks looks around the arena, feigning confusion.] EJ: That a fact, Larry? I don't see no lil' Pancakers out 'ere. I don't see Dross an' Roberts down 'ere wit' Eddy Jacks shirts on. I don't see them reporters over 'ere in the corner spendin' time takin' down what I'm sayin'. [Jacks points at IIWF's Canadian correspondence crew, who begin waving wildly upon noticing that several cameras have panned around to focus on them.] But that ain't nothin' new. Nah, I ain't the fed's next dominant big man. I_am_the _fed's_big_man. Name somebody bigger, Morton." LM: Well, some would say that Ike Sampson proved himself to be the stronger man in your debut last Saturday... [Jacks rips off his sportcoat and heaves it onto the ground. He glares at Morton, who takes several steps backwards.] EJ: Hogwash, Morton! Goddamn hogwash, plain an' simple. He got me on some good bounces, got some good leverage, s'all. It just ain't good strategy ta go in 'ere an' start throwin' guys 'round left an' right. I wanted ta measure him out... sure, he got some good tosses an' all... but any damn mule can trip an elephant. LM: And Damien Lestat...? [Jacks, now somewhat calmer, retrieves his coat from the mat and places it over his shoulder.] EJ: The jobber? Ain't nothin' a good ol' fashioned drubbin' at Ring Wars won't solve. Pancakes in da mouth? Smart thinkin', champ. Too bad ya ain't got a bone o' originality in yer frickin' body. Think I ain't been humiliated before? Think I ain't been brought ta my knees? Hell, junior, I was gettin' waxed by Jay-Dub Hardin back when you wuz pullin' yer dinner outta a Minnetonka dumpster. Lestat, yer just a two-bit thug clingin' onta a fed that don't want ya. Yer a mid-card punk in a small league, yeah, but ya ain't jack_squat in the Double-Eye. Hell, I ain't much o' nothin....an' I'm still a helluva lot better'n ya are, cowboy. Ace, I been harpin' 'bout how I ain't gettin' paid respect... an' the crowd still gives me a bigger pop than yer straggly ass gets. LM: So you're not afraid of Lestat? [Jacks grins.] EJ: Afraid o' Lestat? Ya heard the new music tonight, Morton. Ya see the new image. An' ya ain't shakin'? [Jacks turns toward the crowd, flexing furiously, his face growing crimson from the effort. His immense torso appears ready to burst out of his street attire.] Ain't none of ya shakin'? Yer lookin' at the future, ya _goddamn_ marks! I'm tired o' seein' arrogant sons_o_bitches like Lestat an' Joe Petrow make a mockery o' wrestlin'... a sport I done gave my whole damn life ta! Then I gotta see all this damn gimmickery? All this stupidity? Not_a_one o' these bastards is ever gonna stand on his own! They belong ta the fed, ta the machine. [Pause.] They're all hidin' behind images, Morton. Me? I ain't hidin' behind nothin'. I'm right here waitin'. So don't ya go callin' me yer new Verhoeven or labelin' me yer 'big man' 'fore I proved anythin'! Don't none o' y'uns call me nothin' 'cause that's_exactly what I want! Screw the marks! Screw the fedheads an' their little toyboy playthin's! Screw Damien Lestat! I got a job, Morton. I got a job... an' that job ain't about bein' here talkin'_ta_a_wannabe_announcer. [Jacks throws the microphone down, unbuttons the top three buttons on his shirt and departs from the ring to a second rendition of "Unforgiven", relishing the shocked expression on Morton's face and the major heel pop he receives from the fans. Cut back to Dross and Roberts at ringside as Larry does his best impersonation of a goldfish.] TD: Well, some outspoken comments from Eddy "Flap" Jacks there, Steve Roberts. SR: I like this guy, Dross. He's big, he ain't pretty, but he can go. We're gonna see good things from Eddy Jacks. TD: I wouldn't be at all surprised, Steve Roberts. Right now, folks, it's time for our next match -- as the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi, the man who has single-handedly been running roughshod over the IIWF these past weeks, goes up against the man who figureheads the campaign to stamp out behaviour like that we've seen from Musashi recently: Ike Sampson, posterboy of the "Wrestle Clean" campaign. SR: Not to mention the fact that Sampson's a murdered. TD: Give it up, Steve Roberts. Let's get up to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Ike Sampson |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... WRITER: Steve Carmichael [Sparkplug Lee gracefully steps between the ropes after climbing onto the apron, and moves to the centre of the ring. An IIWF photographer takes a picture of Lee in front of the thousands of fans, and the red targeter lines up on Lee's forehead.] SR: Oh my God! One of Petrow's snipers is gonna blow Lee's head off! Run for your life, Sparky! TD: Can't you be serious, even for the ring introduction? [Lee awaits the sound of the bell. The bell rings, and "Kiss" by Prince plays over the speakers, and rocks through the very vines of the jungle.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for on fall. On his way down the isle, weighing in at 304 pounds, and hailing from North Carolina, ladies and gentlemen, Ike Sampson! [The crowd gives a very supportive pop, which is something to be proud of at 3:30 a.m. A young African fan breaks his way through the curtains, holding a flag up proudly, which bears the logo of "Wrestle Clean" on it. Following close behind him is the stocky Ike Sampson. His black skin lights up when he enters the beams of light from the rig assembled high above the ring. Sampson shakes hands with the eager fans as he makes his way to the ring.] TD: Ike Sampson is all set here to take on one of the biggest rulebreakers going in the IIWF, Takezo Musashi. SR: Don't put it in those terms. Say it, Dross. Heel versus face. On one side, we got the poster boy for birth control, the all around Mr. Nice Guy, Ike Sampson going against one of the most ruthless terrors today in wrestling, the German Juggernaut, Takezo Musashi. TD: Don't forget though that Takezo gives up nearly one hundred pounds to Sampson. Sampson's wrestle clean ways just may prove to be effective here, what with such a big size difference. SR: Don't sell out Musashi just because he's smaller, Dross. He's still one hell of a wrestler. [Sampson hops up onto the ring apron and jumps over the ropes, landing on his feet inside of the ring. The young fan also gets into the ring and waves around the Wrestle Clean flag with a huge smile set on his face. Sampson props up the kid onto his shoulder and points to the sky. The fans all cheer on Sampson, until "Stellar Regions" by John Coltrane replaces "Kiss."] SL: And his opponent, weighing in at 210 pounds, hailing from Kobe, Japan, he is the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi! [Musashi steps out from the curtains to a huge round of boo's. Musashi is clad in the garb which signifies his "chaos" persona, with black ring pants and red pentacles smeared in paint over his face. Musashi makes no motion to the crowd as he begins his journey down the aisle. However, this could prove to be a very dangerous journey, as Edmund Fitzgerald, one half of Cold Spell, appears from behind the curtain, wielding his oar. Fitzgerald raises it high above his head and slowly creeps up on the unsuspecting Enigma.] SR: Look out behind you, Takezo! TD: Look at that look on Edmund's face! I think he's doing this out of concern for his partner Icehawk whom is meeting Takezo in just seven days at Ring Wars 5! SR: No way! He's doing this to soften up Takezo for his partner at Ring Wars! [As Edmund reaches hitting distance, Takezo notices the anticipation of the crowd, and wheels around to see Edmund. Takezo looks surprised by Edmund's sudden arrival, and right before Edmund swings his oar, he gives Takezo a look as if to say "This is pay back for what you've done to my partner". However, Edmund isn't given the chance to follow through with his plan, as IIWF security are quick to pounce on him, restraining him from attacking Musashi. As Edmund wrestles with security, he screams frantically at Takezo.] TD: This is sad, folks, to see a fine world-class competitor such as Edmund Fitzgerald be reduced to this, all out of concern for his partner! SR: Musashi has got Edmund's mind set right where he wants him. It's going to make it all that much easier when he meets Icehawk at Ring Wars. TD: Oh, come on, now! This isn't necessary! Why are they handcuffing him? SR: Because he's a madman, I tell ya! [Indeed, the security whip out a pair of handcuffs and cuff Edmund's hands behind his back. Takezo sees this and builds up enough courage to step up to Fitz and slap him square across the face saying "Don't mess with me." This fills Edmund with rage, but he is slowly pushed back to the locker rooms, fighting the entire way. Takezo just watches with a smirk on his face. Musashi is too busy paying attention to Edmund to notice Ike Sampson walk up behind him. Ike spins around the "Enigma" and scoops him up in a fireman's carry, and proceeds to carry Musashi down to the ring, and rolls him in. Ike follows and the bell rings starting the match. Musashi kips back up to his feet as Ike rolls in, and the two get into each other's faces, looking eye to eye, with a noticeable size difference.] TD: Ike Sampson outweighs Takezo by a total of ninety four pounds, and is about seven inches taller than him. SR: You didn't calculate how much higher Takezo's intelligence is though. [The two combatants lock up and Ike easily pushes back the Cruiserweight champion. Takezo, not being one to give up, goes right back for more and locks up again. The same result follows, and Musashi is sent back into the turnbuckles. Takezo takes a running start and drives a shoulder into Sampson's gut, but does not knock him off his feet. Takezo whips Sampson to the ropes, but Ike reverses and whips The Enigma to the opposite ropes. Musashi flies back with a spinning heel kick and blasts Sampson square between the eyes with the back of his foot. The momentum knocks Sampson down off his feet. Takezo immediately puts the boots to Sampson, stomping him into the mat. Musashi takes a step back, and smashes a martial arts kick to the throat of Ike as he is getting up. Ike grabs this throat in pain, and Musashi climbs up to the turnbuckles, and flies off the top rope with a flying axehandle, and drives his fists into Sampson's back. Sampson is rocked into the corner, and Takezo climbs up the ropes and begins to pepper Ike with blows to the head.] TD: Takezo Musashi is taking it right to Ike Sampson here Steve. SR: Ack! I swear, Dross, a snake just rubbed up against my leg. It ain't safe to be working out here in the middle of the jungle like this! TD: Oh, will you be serious? SR: Fine, but the minute I see a beast with fangs come out here, I'm leaving. TD: Does Damien Lestat count? [The crowd "boo"s as Musashi pounds a series of fists into Ike's skull, but Ike amazingly absorbs the blows and walks out of the corner, holding up Takezo and slamming him down in a spinebuster! The crowd cheer as both men slowly get their feet, Takezo having the wind taken out of him by the blow, and Sampson still feeling a tad woozy after the shots to the head. Sampson grabs Musashi and locks him in a bear hug. Sampson locks his arms and attempts to crush the Cruiserweight champion's ribs in. After several moments in the hold, Sampson walks forward and pushes Musashi into the turnbuckle. Sampson follows through with one avalanche' splash, and backs out of the corner at the referee's beckoning. Takezo makes it back to his feet, only to be hit by a clothesline which sends the champion tumbling to the mats below the ring. Sampson follows out, and attempts to lift up Musashi, but on the way up, Musashi gives a back thrust kick square to Sampson's midsection. Sampson doubles over in pain and Musashi begins to apply the boots to him.] TD: Out there on the floor is where Musashi may be most dangerous. [Musashi rolls into the ring, and rolls back out, only to break the referee's count. Musashi pushes Spark Plug Lee out his seat, and folds up the steel chair and smashes it down onto Sampson's head, right in front of the Wrestle Clean flag bearer whom now sits front row, right next to Paul Wong of the Machines. Musashi climbs back up onto the apron, and hops up onto the second rope and backflips off it, landing on top of Sampson with a moonsault. Sampson slumps back down to the floor, and Takezo gets back to his feet and rolls into the ring, breaking the count once again. Takezo reaches out to Sampson's head and pulls him back onto the apron by the hair.] TD: So far I must say that I have been impressed by Takezo Musashi's ability to match up to Ike Sampson, since Takezo is normally fine tuned to wrestle fellow cruiserweights. SR: But why is that really coming as a shock to you? Musashi's a seasoned pro, who has obviously dealt with people bigger than him his entire life growing up in Korea. TD: He's not from Korea, Steve. [Musashi swings a punch to Sampson's skull, but Ike blocks it and grabs the arm, wraps it around his own neck and lifts The Enigma up in a suplex position. Sampson pushes Takezo forward, dropping him back in the ring with a face first suplex. The crowd pops as Ike starts to mount on offence on Musashi, paying into him with elbowdrops and legdrops. Sampson sends Musashi to the ropes and spins him around in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. However, being the seasoned cruiserweight that he is, Musashi locks his legs around Ike's head and attempts to flip Ike over. However, being the big burly man that he is, Ike doesn't fall forward and drives Musashi down to the mat with a makeshift sidewalk slam. Ike covers and gets a two count on Takezo Musashi, the first pinfall attempt in the match. Ike grabs Takezo in a side headlock, and attempts for a running bulldog, but Takezo applies the breaks and pushes Ike off of him, and into the turnbuckle. Ike smashes chin first, and backs out from the corner is a daze. Musashi dropkicks Ike back into the turnbuckle, and dropkicks him one more time for good measure. Musashi grabs the top rope and hits Ike with a series of martial arts spin kicks which smash Sampson in the jaw.] TD: The jaw seems to be Takezo's focus tonight, if not the face, as he kicks Ike yet again. SR: That's smart ringplay, Dross. Knock a few teeth out, give the guy a black eye or two and a bloody nose... what better way to shake up your opponent mentally than by making him look like an ugly mule? [Takezo darts towards the opposite ropes and fires back at Sampson with another spinning heel kick, but Ike catches Takezo and side suplexes The cruiserweight champion over the top rope, and the two wrestlers fall to the floor below, right in front of the fan wearing the "Hugo Hugo, Mucho Mucho" cut-off t-shirt and mask, to a loud, loud pop from the capacity crowd. Neither man makes it to their feet for several moments. This time, the masked man gets up out of his seat and holds up a sign saying "Musashi, sometimes I don't understand you".] SR: Hey, that guy just keeps holding up those signs. I'm almost surprised he isn't wearing a white vest and a buzzcut. TD: That was way inside, Steve Roberts. SR: Just where Poppa Soundbite likes to be, Dross. Just ask Chelsea. TD: Please, let's not go there. [Slowly, Musashi begins to stir, and gets back to his feet, with the use of the steel retaining barrier. Musashi limps around outside the ring.] TD: And it looks like The Enigma hurt his leg in that fall. And what a bad bump that was. He's trying to walk it off right now which is smart because Ike still has yet to get up. SR: You call that smart? I call getting a steel chair, beating it into Sampson's face until the guy begins spewing out teeth like a gumball machine smart. TD: Different strokes, different folks I guess. SR: Ah... "Different Strokes." What a show. You remember that show, Dross? Tooti. Ha, I'll never grow tired of saying that. Tooti. Tooti. [Takezo rolls back into the ring as the ref counts nine. Sampson slowly begins to show signs of life, and amazingly reaches his feet and also rolls into the ring right before the ten count. Both wrestlers slump on the mat, collecting their breath and gathering their thoughts before the two lunge at each other yet again. Sampson barrels over Musashi, with his brute force and drives Musashi into the mat and covers him for a near three.] TD: We've only had two covers in this match, and both times it's been Sampson on top of Musashi. SR: Holy goodness, Dross, watch how you word your thoughts! We're in a foreign country, and you never know when a tag team may be near! Hell, the Machines are just over there! [Sampson slowly climbs the to the second turnbuckle as Musashi slowly rises to his feet. On the outside, the fan with the mask on and the "Hugo Hugo, Mucho Mucho" shirt hops over the ring barrier and starts strutting about ringside, apparently in a drunken act of defiance.] TD: Well fans, we have a drunk fan on the outside, but pay no attention to that, Ike Sampson is about to fly! SR: Yeah, and so is Musashi! [Musashi spots the fan and watches as the fan stops strutting and grabs the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship belt from ringside. This enrages Musashi and he prepares to leap over the ropes after the fan, but Sampson sees the potential danger and hops down off the turnbuckles and grabs Musashi, restraining him from attacking the fan. The fan makes a break for it, to the aisle.] SR: Come on, you hoser! Let go off him and let the Tongan wonder fly! TD: Steve, that is a fan we are talking about... and Musashi's not from Tonga! [The fan makes it to the aisle, and spins around and yanks off the mask! Huge, huge, huge pop!] TD: Oh my! SR: Hey, I know that guy! TD: It's the World Champion, folks! Steve Kowalski has stolen Takezo Musashi's belt! [The crowd immediately takes up the "Skull-pump! Skull-pump!" chant as Kowalski grins wildly. The Fury raises the IIWF Cruiserweight belt high above his head triumphantly as Takezo gets irate in the ring once seeing the identity of the masked man.] TD: Steve Kowalski! It was Steve Kowalski! SR: The Fury of the Double Eye! TD: Oh my, Musashi is simply fuming in there -- he breaks free of Sampson and... Oh my! [Huge pop as Musashi spins around and blasts Sampson under the jaw with a vicious Yakuza kick! Sampson hits the canvas hard, and Musashi lets out a primal scream as he vaults over the top rope, out of the ring!] TD: Here he comes, Steve Roberts! Musashi is going after Kowalski, and... oh my! [Huge pop as a black streak flies from the crowd on one side of the aisle, blasting Musashi with a flying clothesline that knocks the "Enigma" off his feet and sends his head clattering into the steel crowd barriers on the other side of the aisle.] TD: It's Shadoe Rage! Oh my! Shadoe Rage is out here! SR: What the heck?! Rage just... just saved Kowalski, Dross! TD: That's certainly how it appears, Steve Roberts! Kowalski and Rage now, together putting the boots into Takezo Musashi! Unbelievable! In just seven days, Kowalski and Rage will be facing one another in the main event of Ring Wars 5 -- but tonight, right now, Rage is watching the Fury's back! [Rage drags Musashi back to his feet and executes a vicious Hammer of God clawhold chokeslam on the "Enigma", driving his head down into the concrete! Huge shocked pop from the nearby fans, but within a moment there is a disturbance at ringside, and another huge pop!] TD: Here come Team Sychosys! It was only a matter of time before Petrow and McArthur got involved! [Dressed in their full fatigues, Petrow and 4M are quickly on the scene, and the two of them attempt to draw Kowalski and Rage away from the fallen Musashi, who rolls onto his side, clutching at the back of his head. Meanwhile, the official is standing in the ring... and he signals for the bell! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: What was that?! Hang on -- the referee has signalled for the bell! I almost forgot a match was going on here... I guess Ike Sampson has won this one on a countout, Steve Roberts! SR: Who gives a damn, Dross?! The Fury's in the house! [Kowalski suddenly lashes out with the belt, bludgeoning 4M over the head with the heavy gold plate, and dropping him like a stone. Petrow ducks a similar blow, but is caught by a clothesline from Rage! Big pop as security officers spill into the aisle and begin the mad dash down towards the disturbance. Kowalski smirks, slings Musashi's belt over his shoulder... and hops back over the crowd barriers into the crowd! Fans on all sides clamour to touch Kowalski as he makes his way through the fans on the floor of the arena, and he is soon invisible, swallowed up by the anonymous mass of fans. Rage stomps on Petrow's torso a few times before he too leaps back over the crowd barriers into the stands, Petrow jumping back to his feet and yelling after Shadoe in frustration. 4M rolls to his knees, groggy, holding his head, and security attempt to force them back to the locker room.] TD: A fortunate escape for Kowalski and Shadoe Rage. What an audacious attack, Steve Roberts! SR: Audacious my ass! Hang on, Dross -- look at McArthur! [A couple of fellow members of the Jobber Justice Squad try to help Maurice back to his feet, and he furiously lashes out with a vicious right hand punch to the temple, knocking Scott Bloom sideways, before angrily storming back down to ringside and the refuge of the Sychopaths, Petrow following behind, looking out into the crowd for his assailants. Security help Musashi to his feet, but he too shoves away any assistance, and groggily makes his way back to the locker room.] TD: Well, this situation appears to have been resolved, Steve Roberts. Perhaps we can now get the official word from the referee. [The crowd begins to settle, and the shot cuts back to the ring, to show Ike Sampson watching the entire scene, his head propped up by his hand under his chin, nonchalantly watching from one corner of the ring. The referee moves to raise Sampson's arm. Big pop!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner as the result of a countout... IKE SAMPSON! [Big pop as "Kiss" by Prince once again starts up, and Sampson waves to the fans before heading out of the ring and back up the aisle. Cut back to Dross and Roberts at ringside.] TD: Well, a shocking alliance of sorts between Steve Kowalski and Shadoe Rage here, Steve Roberts. I don't really know how to explain it. SR: I guess Rage wants to make sure Kowalski doesn't get himself hurt any more between now and Ring Wars 5. The Fury has been on a punishing schedule since winning that title, and the last thing Rage needs is for Kowalski to be injured going into their match. Of course, it wouldn't make any difference if Kowalski had lost the use of three of his limbs and had a full frontal lobotomy -- the result would be the same: Skullpump, one, two, three. TD: That very much remains to be seen, Steve Roberts, but we have continued to see an intriguing relationship here between Team Sychosys and the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi. What do you make of it? SR: Crazy guys flock together, Dross. Generally in asylums. TD: Well, right now, we're going to see another athlete who is probably no stranger to asylums. It's the "Demon" Damien Lestat, who made such a big impact this past Wednesday night by making his presence felt in every one of the matches involving his fellow participants in next Saturday's "King of the Mountain" match. Tonight, he goes up against one of those men in singles competition: it's Charles Scheffield, who has really come into his own these past couple of months. This one should be most interesting. SR: Aw, quit it with the claptrap and bring on the ugly guys! Whoo-hoo! TD: Let's get up to the ring. Hang on -- hang on, the Machines have hopped the rail and they're asking for the microphone. They're not scheduled for an appearance now! [Simon O'Neal leaves his chair and hops over the guardrail, then turns around and signals for his partner to follow. Paul looks quizzically, then shrugs and follows into the ring. Simon grabs two microphones as he heads to the ring, and tosses one to his partner.] SO: You know, I'm in a GREAT mood. Paul and I beat Team Sychosys last week, and when we win our match at Ring Wars V, we're getting the title shot that's been denied to us for so long. And while the American Dragons and the Night Patrol are good, we are much, much better. PW: Absolutely... I have one question to the American Dragons. One of you guys... Joe or Bob or Joe Bob or Bobby Joe... one of you seemed happy that this match was a No Disqualifications match. Guys... look at my partner. [He points to Simon, who takes a deep bow.] PW: Simon here is a master of bending, breaking, and getting around the rules. You think you can bend a couple of rules. Simon's got a copy of the IIWF rulebook... all 1,150 pages. He uses it as a checklist. And Night Patrol... Here's the Miranda Rules, Machines style: you have the right to lose to the Machines. If you protest this right, you will be beaten to a bloody pulp. You have the right to a cameraman, to explain why you lost to the Machines. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you, courtesy of the IIWF. Do you understand your rights? SO: Damn... you're getting good at this, Paul. [Paul nods and grins.] However, we are forgetting one team... the Fabulous Ones. The proverbial fly in our ointment. The team that caused Paul and I to have our problems. [Paul looks down with a shamed expression on his face. Simon continues.] Paul, I want to rectify that situation. I want that entire sordid affair to be gone by the team we win our title shot at Ring Wars number five. So I've got a surprise for you. [He calls to the back] Okay, bring her out! TD: Simon saying he's got some sort of surp... what in the... SR: Hot damn! Handcuffs and everything! [From the back, Harlequin Terror comes out, and he's not alone. He's carrying a very unwilling Ms. Miki with him. Miki is handcuffed behind her back, and unable to stop the massive clown from bringing her to the ring.] TD: They're using Terror to kidnap Ms. Miki! SR: Beautiful women, handcuffs, and clowns... sounds like my twenty- first birthday party. [Terror throws Miki under the ropes, and starts hollering "Binky!" Simon looks at him with disgust.] SO: You be quiet, or Binky goes to that hardware store in the sky. Stay there in case the AbFabs decide to show up. If they do, just beat on them for a while. Binky wants you to. He... she... it told me so. Got it? [Harlequin Terror, with a look of pure anger on his face, shuts up and nods his head.] TD: If Terror ever gets Binky back, the Machines are dead. [Simon turns and faces the terrified Ms. Miki, who has managed to sit up in the ring. Paul looks at her with an odd expression on his face.] SO: Hiya, Mik! Remember us? We're the team that you broke apart. Well, guess what? [He walks over, bends down, and smirks right into her face.] SO: We're back... and we're not too happy. [He tosses some keys to Paul.] SO: Paul, here. It's the keys to her handcuffs. I know how much pain she caused you, and as much as I want to slap her across the face... I figure you've earned the right. [He steps back.] Go ahead, Paulie. Smack her. Lord knows she deserves it. [Paul steps forward, picks up Ms. Miki with one hands, and gets her to a standing position. The crowd is booing heavily. He turns towards Simon, who is pantomiming a hard slap. He reaches back with his right hand... Miki closes her eyes and turns her face... He drops his hand.] PW: I can't do it. I can't slap Miki. Sorry, Simon. [Simon is screaming protests as Paul unlocks the handcuffs of Miki, but Paul doesn't even look at him as he continues.] Miki hurt me badly, Simon, but slapping her isn't going to help. [Simon just shakes his head as the handcuffs drop from Miki. Paul heads over and holds open the ropes.] TD: Well, that disaster was averted. SR: I've said since the beginning that Simon should have just dumped his wimp of a par... [Huge heel pop!] TD: PAUL WONG CLOTHESLINED MS. MIKI! [Miki does a 360 degree flip as Paul suddenly charges at her and nails her with a clothesline. Simon's expression changes from disgust... to shock... to a satisfied smirk. Paul picks up the microphone again.] PW: A simple goddamn slap just wasn't enough! This... bitch broke my heart and made me betray my best friend. You're going to hell, Miki. And I'm taking you there... NOW! [Miki, clutching her neck and in immense pain, tries to crawl along the mat and leave the ring. Paul picks Miki up and smacks her across the back of her head... then doubles her over and picks her up in a powerbomb position.] TD: Oh my god, he's going to powerbomb Miki! SR: Dammit! What a waste of a piece of ass! [The Fabulous Ones come screaming down the aisle. Agito is tackled by the unwilling Harlequin Terror, but Sho Satsuma dives into the ring and trips up Paul Wong, causing him to drop Ms. Miki without any serious force. Sho is caught from behind by Simon O'Neal, who is now wearing his glove. As O'Neal plants Sho with his loaded glove, another figure comes from the back room.] TD: Marty Warnett! Marty Warnett is coming down to even things up! [Marty attacks Harlequin Terror, allowing Agito Nakajima to enter the ring. Agito catches Simon O'Neal from behind with a low blow, but is tackled by Paul Wong. As Simon tries to stand up, Sho lashes out with a superkick just under Simon's neck. Paul Wong is viciously attacking Agito when Sho pulls Paul up by the hair, and drives his head to the mat.] TD: This is just complete mayhem... [The JJS come down towards ringside, and start to separate the four combatants. Simon is back up and wielding a chair, while Sho is bashing Paul's head into the mat repeatedly. The Rotundos try to hold back Agito, but only succeed in giving Simon a clear shot with the chair. Scott "The Whine" Bloom and one of the Barnacle Brothers then push Simon towards the other side of the ring, while the rest of the JJS try to pull Paul and Sho apart, with Sho having his hands around Paul's throat.] TD: Ms. Miki is just lying down, in obvious pain from that clothesline. SR: Lying down, spread-eagled, just out of handcuffs... the Soundbite is a happy man. [The JJS finally manage to get the two teams away from each other, and all four men have to settle for making threats at each other as they head back to the locker room. Harlequin Terror heads back to the locker room, still hollering about Binky. Marty Warnett checks on Ms. Miki's condition, as two people from the First Aid Station help her to her feet.] TD: I'm shocked by the actions of the Machines, folks! I can't believe they would attack a woman so brutally! We'll try and get an update on Miki's condition before we leave the air tonight -- but right now we must get back to our next match: it's Damien Lestat facing Charles Scheffield. Over to you, Sparkplug Lee! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| "The Demon" Damien Lestat vs. Charles Scheffield |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... WRITER: Dan Kondziela [Sparkplug enters the ring and tugs at his collar because of the sweltering heat. He wipes his brow and starts the intros.] SL: This next match is scheduled for one fall with a regulation time limit. First, about to come down the aisle, from Minneapolis, standing 6'6" and weighing in at 280lbs, here is "The Demon" Damien Lestat! [The bell that signifies the beginning of AC/DC's "Hell's Bells" starts up to a fairly big heel pop for the relative newcomer, who, as always, carries "Mr. Coolie" to the ring with him. Lestat doesn't spit at the people, as spitting is considered a sign of respect there, something Lestat cares nothing about.] SR: Hey, Dross, whaddya think the ugly guy's got with him today? TD: I don't even want to know. SR: Spoilsport! [Lestat is in the ring now, hoisting Mr. Coolie up in the air to an even bigger heel pop. Lestat laughs and points a finger at the cooler because he thinks the cooler is hated even more than he is.] SR: Hey, do you think he could fit Melody in there? TD: I somehow don't think Melody would want to be anywhere NEAR Lestat. SR: Of course, then I'd have to kick his ass for touching my girl. TD: Just don't let Chaos hear you say that. SR: The brain surgeon? Pht! I could beat him with my feet behind my back. SL: And his opponent, from Lordship, Connecticut, standing 6'1 and weighing 231lbs, Charles Scheffield!! [Beethoven's "Fur Elise" starts up to a fair face pop as the American blueblood steps out into the aisle, bowing to the fans.] SR: Lord Byron, he ain't. This guy blows so much wind talking every damn Friday that he forgets how to wrestle the next day. TD: I can't concur with that statement, Steve Roberts. Scheffield is a tremendous wrestler with exceptional technical skills. SR: I'll give you concur, Dross. You're fat, you have a lousy brother, not to mention a lousy rug, and also lousy talking skills. How you ever won an award is beyond me. TD: Gee, thanks for the compliments. SR: Anytime, baby dolls, anytime. [The bell rings as Lestat flings his mucus in the face of Scheffield. Scheffield, incensed, charges at "The Demon", only to get caught with a kick to the gut, followed by a thumb to the eye. Lestat flings the blueblood into the ropes, only to nail him with a lariat on the way back.] TD: Ouch, Lestat with the early advantage with some underhanded tactics. SR: That was a great Greco-Roman mucus throw, one of the hardest moves to ever master. Lestat executed it perfectly. A work of art. TD: What is this, ice-skating? SR: Yeah, you're really gonna find me with some twelve year old who looks like a crack whore. TD: Oh, so that's who your new friend is. SR: Hey, look, there's guys in the ring. [Lestat picks Scheffield up and wails away at him with closed fists. The ref breaks in, allowing Scheffield to get in a kick to the ribs, followed by a hammerlock. Lestat can not figure out how to get out of it. He screams for Mr. Coolie, but to no avail. After a good six minutes, Lestat starts yanking at Scheffield's hair and eats it. Scheffield, disgusted, breaks the hold, then converts into an STF.] TD: Scheffield now, with those great technical moves of his. I'm really impressed with ho.... STEVE! Steve Roberts, wake up! SR: Huh? What? Okay, Kari, you get the peanut butter, I'll get... Oh, it's you. TD: Nice to see you too. [Scheffield, realising that Lestat is laughing at his STF, lets go of it and, when "The Demon" gets up, slaps the taste out of his mouth.] SR: Aw, Chuckie's PO'd because he executes moves as well as Gary Morton gives presents. TD: That's LARRY Morton. SR: Hey, you'd know him better than I would. [Lestat gets a huge grin on his face and laughs so hard that he falls on his behind.] SR: Gee, do ya think this guy's into bondage? TD: Why? Interested? SR: Watch it, fat boy! I make the witty remarks around here. [Scheffield is so angered by this point that he straddles Lestat and starts punching him rapidly. Lestat looks like he's going to have a seizure from all the laughing he's doing. He growls something to the effect of "I ain't had this much [bleep]in' fun in years!"] TD: It's amazing how Lestat seems to actually enjoy punishment. SR: He hasn't had to sit through a tag match then. TD: Actually, if you recall, he teamed... SR: Yeah, I know. With the Gay Yakuza in a six-man. TD: Whatever. I'm not going to bother with you. SR: Good. 'Cause then I'd have to whip out the Asai, Asso. TD: No, that's Chinese. SR: Christ, make up your mind. First, he's Japanese, then he's Belorussian, now he's Chinese. You really can't figure out what Musushi is. TD: That's Musashi. SR: That's funny. He looks like Quigley's psychotic little bud to me. TD: What are y.... HEY, here comes Steve Manning! SR: That's what I just said, idiot. He's gonna be pretty surprised when he learns he's from Kazakstan. TD: JAPAN! [Indeed, it is the "Sanguinary One". He comes out and sits in a chair at the top of the ramp. He switches between taking puffs from a cigarette from one hand and taking a swig from a bottle in his other. The crowd boos him mercilessly due to his actions of last week.] TD: This man, who disgusted everybody with what he did in Australia, is involved in the big "King of the Mountain" match, along with the two men in the ring and many others, at Ring Wars 5. SR: Call your cable operator. You don't want to miss Scheffield and the "Hot Dog Murderer" get annihilated by seven other men. [Scheffield gets up and looks distractedly at Manning. Manning promptly shows Scheffield that he thinks he's #1. Scheffield, irritated, jumps on the ropes and yells at Manning.... until Lestat punches him in the kidneys, that is.] SR: I don't get why this guy hangs around bull-Quigley. It's the only thing he has going against him. That urine test was classic. TD: Oh yeah, a real laugh riot. [Manning decides to get a closer view so he pulls his chair down to ringside. Lestat picks Scheffield up.... "Hellbound" inverted powerbomb! He covers: 1 -- 2...] TD: He kicked out! So close. Wait, Lestat going to the top! "THE HOOF"! He nails the flying elbow! One-two-thr... Oh, so close! I can't believe the tenacity of Charles Scheffield. SR: I can't believe this isn't over. Come on, Manning, get your ass in there! [Manning yawns and stretches. He seems to be giving "Soundbite" the "two for one special".] SR: WHY YOU LITTLE BAS.. TD: [interrupting] Lestat backing Scheffield into the ropes. He headbutts the blueblood hard! Wait, where's he go... Oh no, he's going for Mr. Coolie! He's pulling something out. It's... a mirror? [Lestat's rasping voice is picked up by the camera microphone:] DL: I'm gonna show you how pretty ya are now, ya [bleep]in' pansy! TD: The ref grabs the mirror away. Oh my, listen to that foul mouth fly. Lestat is berating the ref. WAIT A MINUTE! Manning is creeping up behind Scheffield! Scheffield turns around. HE TOSSED THE ALCOHOL IN HIS FACE! AND HE SMASHES HIM WITH THE BOTTLE! Turn around, ref! SR: Lestat saw him! What? He's challenging Manning to get in the ring! DL: YA DAMN IDJIT! WHAT ARE YA DOIN'?! GIT IN HERE, YA COWARD! [Manning obliges by charging the ring, trampling over Scheffield, and meeting Lestat head on with a fistfight. The two slam each other with jabs and hooks.] TD: Forget it! This one's over! SR: HEY! It's Lusitania! ["The Intrepid" Ryan Howard charges to the ring, climbs the buckles, and nails Manning and Lestat with a double clothesline from the top.] TD: We've got a preview of the match at RW5 going on! SR: Chucky is still out! TD: Here comes Edmund Fitzgerald! He's got that oar! SR: Hey, I thought he quit being a nutjob. [The bell rings repeatedly. Ike Sampson comes out, trying to take the oar from Fitzgerald. The two struggle for it until Eddy Jacks comes out and nails Sampson. Fitzgerald takes whacks at both Ike and Jacks while Howard, Lestat, and Manning all trade shots on the other side of the ring. Scheffield is still out.] TD: We need some order here! This has gotten bad fast! SR: This is great! Hey, I think Scheffield's bleeding! YES! [Finally, security and the JJS come out to break up the fight.] SL: The result of this match is: A NO-CONTEST! [The African crowd boos at the unclean ending. Everybody is escorted back to the lockers except Scheffield, who has to be helped back. The Smooth stays after and showboats for the crowd.] SR: LET'S GET SMOOOOOOOOOOTTHH! TD: An unfortunate ending for Charles Scheffield, who struggled big-time against Lestat until Manning came out and ruined it. SR: Face it. Chucko's just a little soft in the head. He's got no killer instinct. **COUGH**COUGH** Unlike Sampson. **COUGH**COUGH** TD: You can bet emotions will run high at Ring Wars 5 next weekend. And indeed, emotions will doubtless be running high in our second hour, folks. All kinds of incredible action still to come, including that huge main event pitting Steve "the Fury" Kowalski and Mad Dog Watkins against Serge Annis and "Savage" Shadoe Rage! Don't go away, folks! [Cut to a wide-angle view of the stadium, the Smooth ripping his Lionel Ritchie t-shirt and cupping his ear in a manner reminiscent of a certain other well-known wrestling personality. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+