________ ______ __ ____ ___ __ . _ ___ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| / /\ | | || \| \ /\ \ / |\ || / \| | | | || | \ v v / | __| \__ /__\ | | ||__/| |/__\ v | \||| __|-| | |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| \ \| v | \|__/ \| | || \_|| | | __________________________/...hour two...\........|...|.......|....| LIVE! IIWF Coliseum, Portland, Oregon 9 May 1998 [The graphics fade through to interior shots of the jam-packed IIWF Coliseum, the sea of fans cheering and waving their signs as a volley of fireworks erupts in the rafters high above the ring. The shot pans down past row upon row of excited faces, coming to rest on the broadcast table at ringside, at which are seated Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts.] TD: Welcome back, folks, to the second hour of tonight's blockbuster broadcast! We have four more incredible matches coming your way over the next sixty minutes, including the second pair of semi-finals in our two ongoing tournaments: we'll find out who is going on to Birthday Bash to face the "Iconoclast" Sean Watts in the finals of the "King of the Cruisers" tournament, plus we'll find out who will be facing Marty Warnett for the vacant Intercontinental Championship: will it be Simon Lebec, or will it be Timothy N. Turner? SR: Ol' cheesecake has a surprise for us, huh, Dross? Let me guess... TD: I think perhaps it might be better if you didn't, Steve Roberts. On top of those two tournament matches, we have our massive main event, pitting eight of the IIWF's top competitors against one another in tag team action -- and in just a moment, we will see the Baddest Thangs Running get it on with another pair of Portland legends, Steve Sampson and Robert Donovan. There's quite the history between these two teams, Steve Roberts, particularly between Sampson and Temple, as we heard just last night... [The crowd boos loudly when "Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy" begins to play, unannounced, over the PA system, its melodic riffs marking the approach of the mammoth Eddy "Flap" Jacks. Jacks, casually attired in a pair of dark jeans and a "Canadian Wrestlin': It Takes A Little Hart" t-shirt, plods down the aisle, calmly absorbing the mixed reception. Cups carom harmlessly off his thick frame, littering the ground around the top-heavy behemoth. Jacks grins and climbs onto the apron, his deft movement belying his apparent clumsiness. He enters the rings... glares at a frightened-looking Sparkplug Lee... and seizes the mic from the small announcer, eager to say his piece.] TD: What about the next match? What's going on here? Eddy Jacks, a man who hasn't exactly lit the federation on fire with his eloquent oratorical skill, is in the ring and ready to speak! SR: I'll be damned! Ol' Eddy finally got the gumption to open his mouth an' show his pretty face on Saturday Night! Ain't seen him since back in March! [The crowds violent pop reaches a deafening crescendo... then fades out, intensity flagging as Jacks gestures for the Portland faithful to calm down. Glaring out at the locker room tunnel, eyes trained on the curtain, Jacks begins.] EJ: God_damn_ it smells like hell in 'ere! [Furious heel pop! Jacks cracks a quick grin, taking the whole spectacle in stride.] EJ: Folks, I ain't never been a man who made a career outta belaborin' the obvious. That said, I'm gonna say my piece an' get the hell outta this goddamn ring. [Jacks pauses, surveying the crowd, attempting to gauge their reaction... testing the waters, so to speak.] EJ: I wuz da first ta say I deserved an eye_cee belt shot. But I ain't out 'ere ta demand it. That'll come. I ain't here ta say that I'm gonna ram my knee inta Valty the Nutless crotch... hell, I could give a shit less what that big ol' girl does... [Heel pop!] ...'cuz I got somethin' ta say 'bout Birthday Bash. I been in this business a long time, folks, an' ya make an enemy or two in da biz. Ya also get inta a couple o' peoples' debt. Ya owe things... ya hate people. Hell, it's just like anythin' else. [Pause.] An' I'm a man o' my word. An' my word here is that I'm gonna do everythin' possible... ta make Sean Watts da King o'da Cruisers! [Tremendous pop! "Search and Destroy" by Iggy and the Stooges begins to play over the PA system, its frenetic beat marking the slow approach of Sean Watts. Watts, in typical fashion, is clad in his standard worn jeans and black "I Do Drugs" t-shirt. Totally oblivious to the crowd reaction, Watts pauses only to swat a curly mass of blonde hair out of his face. He enters the ring, acknowledges Jacks... and shakes the big man's right hand!] EJ: An there ya got it, folks! Sean Sensational Watts! Or that's what they used ta call ya, ain't it? [Watts nods, his countenance totally expressionless.] EJ: Yer lookin' at da great white hope, folks! Take one look 'ere at the man dat's gonna be yer next King! Take a look at Sean Watts! [Huge pop!] EJ: Yer_damn_right! Yer god_damn_ right! Ain't no way I'm gonna stand by an' let a pretty-boy like Ronnie D squeak inta a title win, no matter where I got Valty the Neutered standin' over me or a blank strap sittin' wit'in arms reach... 'cuz that's the way it is! Ain't that right, Seany? [Watts nods, still silent. Jacks grins broadly, clasping Watts' hand and raising it high above his head.] EJ: Give da man one final round o' applause, folks! It's fittin' ya give da Crown Prince his dues 'fore he takes his seat on da throne! Hellfire, I ain't been this happy... hell, I ain't _never_ been this happy! Ain't often ya get ta repay a favor... an' ya know what that favor was, don't ya, Seany? [Watts nods, arms clasped stoically around his chest. The crowd pops... albeit less than enthusiastically due to Watts' indifference.] EJ: Kid... let's jus' say yer gonna be my first-ever project. I ain't one ta put personal issues on da side... but 'en, it ain't often I get ta repay a debt. [Pause.] Give_it_up! One_last_time! Like ya mean it, ya bloody god_damn marks! An then one more time 'cuz that's how I'm gonna plant Ronnie D or Chesnuts the Mad if they think 'bout layin' a damn hand on Seany here! [Jacks raises Watts hand high once more... but Watts, ever the brooding warrior, fails to acknowledge the crowd. He leaps from the apron, walks back into the dressing room... Jacks trailing close behind, albeit at a faster pace. Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: Well, I'm not quite sure what that was all about, Steve Roberts, but it appears that our "King of the Cruisers" finalist, Sean Watts, has found himself an unlikely ally in the form of Eddy "Flap" Jacks! SR: And a young runtweight couldn't ask for a nicer guy to be watching his back, Dross. You gots to love the fat-man, Dross. TD: Whatever you say, Steve Roberts. Folks, without any further ado, let's get up to the ring for our next match, which should be a real treat for the fans here at the Coliseum -- all four of these men are legends in the Portland area! SR: Legends? How do you get to be a legend in a month or two? TD: Steve Roberts, these men have been well-known in this area for years -- heck, Gunnar Gaines is from Oregon, and Steve Sampson is a long-time star in our neighboring promotion, the now-defunct PCW. SR: Dross, how many times do I have to tell you -- there is only one promotion -- this one. The rest is all minor leagues. But I do have a bone to pick with Steve Sampson. TD: What's that? SR: I have a big problem with the way he handled the John Harkes situation. The man has been the captain of the US national soccer team for years, and is one of the three or four best players in United States' history, and Sampson kicks him off the World Cup roster because he doesn't like Harksey's leadership? It's wrong, Dross. It's very, very wrong. TD: Steve, that's a different Steve Sampson. SR: Don't try to cover for him, Dross. I love the new guys -- Brian Maisonneuve, Brian McBride, Jeff Agoos, Eddie Pope... but you've got to have that experienced leadership. I might even name my next kid Claudio Reyna Roberts, but it's still wrong. TD: Claudio Reyna Roberts? SR: Hey, I have two or three kids a year. You try to come up with that many names. TD: Are you done? SR: I think so, yes. TD: Then let's go to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| Baddest Thangs Running vs. |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Steve Sampson & Robert Donovan ....................................................................... WRITER: Dave Hogg [Sparkplug has slipped (literally) into the ring during this fascinating debate, and prepares for the introductions.] SL: The following match will be contested under Australian tag-team rules, and is set for a time limit of 21 minutes. Team number one, from Vancouver, British Columbia and Pensacola, Florida, at a combined weight of 540 pounds -- Steve Sampson and Robert Donovan! [Huge face pop for the two former PCW stars. The two men make their way to the ring, their bodies showing the after-effects of years of bloody combat. Sampson's once-handsome face is marred by a long scar that goes from his mouth to his right eye, and he wears a bulky knee brace on his right knee. Donovan also has a vivid scar on the right side of his face, going from his cheek to his eye. Both men have scars all over their arms and torso -- left by barbed wire and other such things.] SL: Their opponents are The Baddest Thangs Running. At a combined weight of 607 pounds, I give you Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines and Caleb Temple! ["Bad to the Bone" blares over the PA system, and Gaines and Temple enter the arena to a massive pop. They pause at the top of the aisle -- then charge the ring! As they get close, though, they are flattened by the flying body of Steve Sampson, who has launched himself into a huge plancha. Pop!] TD: And we are underway! And it's already breaking down into a brawl in the aisle! Steve Sampson is attacking Caleb Temple, and Robert Donovan has come out to take on Grizzly Gaines! SR: And Sampson and Temple have issues, you know. Sampson is still upset that Temple took in his woman when Stevie was neglecting her. TD: That's just not true, Steve Roberts. Caleb Temple practically kidnapped the woman. SR: You say that like it is a bad thing, Dross. [Sampson, normally a technical wizard, is neglecting that part of his background to throw punches into Temple's recently-injured kidney. Gaines and Donovan are feeling right at home, though, firing away with punches, kicks, elbows, knees, headbutts, chairs, small ringside fans, Hugo Hugo...] TD: Dave D'Amato is finally getting them separated and into the ring. It looks like we are finally going to have a normal tag match here. SR: But we don't want a normal tag match. A normal tag match is four gay guys going at it. A normal tag match is Cold Spell fighting the Natural Predators for the top bunk, if you know what I mean. We had a great brawl going, and now I have to watch a tag match? [Despite Steve's protests, we do actually get a one-on-one matchup in the ring -- Sampson vs. Temple. The pair lock up, but any semblance of a scientific match goes right out the window when Temple immediately slams his forehead into the bridge of Sampson's nose. Sampson immediately drops to the mat, holding his face, and Temple tags Gaines. Instead of leaving the ring, though, Temple bounces off the far ropes, and charges directly at his partner. At the last second, Gaines ducks down and back-bodydrops Temple into the air -- right into a splash onto Sampson. Pop!] TD: A great double-team move there by BTR! They have really become a fluid team in the past few weeks! [Temple leaves the ring while Gaines slams Sampson, but comes right back in after a quick tag. Again, Gaines goes for a bodyslam, but this time, he slams his partner onto the stunned Canadian. Or tries to... Sampson somehow moves out of the way. A shocked Gaines goes to help up his partner -- but Sampson jumps to his feet and hits a Tornado DDT -- driving Grizzly right into Temple. Big face pop!] TD: I think BTR got a little overconfident there, Steve Roberts. Steve Sampson is the smallest man in this match, but he is still an outstanding wrestler. SR: I've got it! TD: What? SR: This is the Steve Sampson who used to wrestle with the Von Erichs! But why did Sparky announce him as being from Vancouver -- when I knew him, he was from South Africa. Good to see he got his hair cut, though. TD: [sighing] Different guy again, Steve. [Back in the ring, Sampson has taken over -- dropkicking Gaines out of the ring, and hitting Temple with a series of suplexes. Several times during the flurry, he is near his own corner, but he ignores Donovan's outstretched hand.] TD: You know, Donovan and Sampson are both accomplished wrestlers, but they aren't exactly working well as a team. They haven't made a single tag, or done any double-teaming. SR: Good for them! I like guys who aren't good tag wrestlers. [Sampson fires Temple into the ropes, but is surprised when Caleb uses his momentum to launch himself into a flying headbutt -- once again to the bridge of Sampson's nose. This time, the impact can be heard throughout the arena, and blood starts gushing from the Canadian's nose. Temple tags in Gaines, then picks up Sampson and flings him into the ropes. As Gaines did a few minutes before, Temple ducks down to send Sampson flying with a back body-drop -- while Gaines prepares to catch him and drop him over his knee with a vicious backbreaker...] TD: NO! Steve Sampson turned it into a hurricanrana! And he avoids Temple's grasp and dives for the tag! Here comes Robert Donovan! [Donovan charges into the ring, flattening Temple with a clothesline, then planting a big kick into Gaines' face. He then picks Gaines up and bodyslams him. Big pop!] TD: My god! Robert Donovan just bodyslammed Grizzly Gaines like he was a cruiserweight! Gunnar Gaines weighs over 300 pounds, Steve Roberts! [Donovan picks up Gaines by the hair, then grabs him by the throat for a chokeslam. Just as he lifts him, though, Caleb Temple dives into the back of his left knee, sending Donovan crashing to the mat, and Gaines crashing on top of him. Both men are stunned, but Temple is quick to react, instantly dropping a series of knees into Donovan's face.] TD: You know, Steve Roberts, I don't approve of the way they behave, but I must admit that Caleb Temple and Gunnar Gaines might very well be the best tag-team in the IIWF today. SR: Gosh, what an honour. That's kinda like being the only intern in the White House that Bill Clinton has never hit on. [As Temple beats on Donovan, Gaines recovers and pulls some snapshots out his trunks. He goes over to Sampson, and shows it to him. Instantly, Sampson screams with rage and charges into the ring -- only to be intercepted by Dave D'Amato. As Sampson tries desperately to break out of the referee's grasp, Gaines and Temple happily double-team Donovan.] TD: Did you see what those pictures were, Steve Roberts? SR: Yeah -- some ugly kids sitting on Caleb Temple's lap. So what? Sampson upset that Temple plays Santa Claus with ugly kids? Granted, it isn't something I would do, but I can't see getting this upset by it. TD: Those weren't just any ugly kids, Steve Roberts. Er... they weren't ugly kids at all. Those were Steve Sampson's kids -- Trey and Savannah! SR: Oh. So Sampson is upset because he sired ugly kids. That makes more sense. [Sampson finally realises that he is doing more harm than good, and exits the ring. But as he does, he is pulled to the floor by a man who has just reached ringside.] TD: That's Rick Williams! What's he doing out here? SR: Obviously, he's beating the hell out of Steve Sampson. [Indeed, Williams and Sampson are instantly at each other's throats. And as all this happens, another man makes his way into the arena.] TD: It's the Hooded Kilted Man! And he's bringing the Wheel of Misfortune and a box! SR: Yes! It's time to spin the Wheel and have some blood! [Indeed, as Gaines continues to pound on a bloodied Donovan, and as Williams and Sampson continue to pound on each other, Temple signals the HKM to spin the wheel. As he does, it spins past things like a Holy War match and a Taipei Death match -- and ends up on a Baseball Bat match. The HKM rummages through his toy box, and finds a pair of barbed-wire baseball bats (Jay Buhner model) and tosses them to Gaines and Temple. With D'Amato still trying to separate Williams and Sampson, he never sees Gaines bring the bat crashing down on Donovan's head. The bat breaks from the impact, and Donovan drops like a redwood. Temple gets D'Amato's attention, and the official counts to three. DING!] SL: Your winners, as the result of a pinfall -- the team of Caleb Temple and Gunnar Gaines -- The Baddest Thangs Running! [Upon hearing the announcement, Sampson breaks away from Williams and goes to his partner's side. He helps a groggy Donovan to his feet, but after shaking some cobwebs away, the massive Floridian shoves Sampson away.] TD: Robert Donovan is obviously furious with Steve Sampson -- who got so distracted on two occasions in this match that he cost his team a chance at victory. SR: They never had a chance, Dross. Not against the BTR. No one has a chance. [As Donovan and Sampson argue back to the locker rooms, two kilted figures make their way into the ring area. But it isn't the Macbeth cousins -- it is the Barnacle Brothers, complete with their own wheel.] SR: What in the world are those two nutbars doing out here? TD: I don't know, but they don't look too happy about being here. Okay, Bluto has a microphone, so I guess we will find out. BB: Arr, mateys, it be time to "Spin tha' Wheel", arr... S-DB: Tha's right, Baddest Stanks Runnin'! You two tallywhackers are goin' straight to Davey Jones' Locker! Arr... BB: [under his breath, to Sea-Dog] Arr, don't get them too angry, they'll kill us for sure. S-DB: [in reply, also muted] Sweet Neptune's ghost, Bluto, you're the one that let those Scotch bastards make us do this! BB: ARRR! Spin tha' Wheel, matey!! [We see the wheel spin past the various matches... "Barbed Wire Harpoon"... "Cape Breton Salt Miner's Glove"... "Shelburne Death Match"... until it lands on...] S-DB: ARRR! "Hammer of Cod" it be, mateys! [With that, the Barnacle Brothers dip into their sack and each pull out a cod. They then charge to the ring, brandishing the cods like deadly weapons... and are quickly blasted out of consciousness by Temple and Gaines' bats. Caleb and Grizz give each other a "what the hell was that supposed to be" look, then shrug and leave to a huge heel pop.] TD: Well, apparently the Barnacle Brothers were sent out here by the Black Watch... but I really have no idea what that was supposed to achieve. [The rest of the Jobber Justice Squad make their way down to ringside and help the hapless Barnacle Brothers back up the aisle to the locker room. Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: What a night so far! And we're about ready to find out who will make up the second half of the match-up for the IIWF Intercontinental Title contest at Birthday Bash! SR: Can anyone smell a plug coming here? TD: Indeed, folks, don't forget, it's only days away. So make sure you call your cable operators so you don't miss out on the celebrations. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| INTERCONTINENTAL TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Timothy N. Turner vs. "The Savior" Simon Lebec ....................................................................... WRITER: Mark Stone [The camera turns its attention back up to the ring, where Sparkplug Lee is caught unawares, in conversation with one of the ringside attendants, and the voice of a cameraman can be heard trying to get Lee's attention. The announcer jumps to his feet when the bell sounds, catching the IIWF mainstay totally off guard, startling the announcer, and sending cards flying all over the canvas.] SL: [as he grabs the cards off the mat] The following match is a semi-final match in the IIWF Cruiserweight Tournament. [Lee finally gathers the cards up and gets back up to his feet, as the music of "I Am Stuck on Heaven, `Cause Heaven's Stuck On Me" begins to play over the speaker system.] SL: Introducing first. Weighing in at 245 pounds, and from "God's Loving Hands", ladies and gentlemen, this is "THE SAVIOR" SIMON LEBEC!!! [The crowd boos as Lebec comes out, bedecked in customary "Wrestle Hard" t-shirt and blue jeans. He avoids the fans as much as possible as he makes the walk down to the ring, and makes his way up the steps. He almost mockingly gives Sparkplug the sign of the cross as he steps in the ring.] SL: And his opponent, hailing from British Colombia, and weighing in at 230 pounds... This is "ROCKET MAN" TIMOTHY N. TURNER!!!! [The usual music doesn't start up and the crowd hushes. Finally, Turner steps through the entranceway with a mic in his hands and his face pointing to the ground, before he stops, lifts his head and looks around at the crowd.] TNT: Hello everyone. I just had a little something I wanted to get off my chest before this match. The whole time I've been in the IIWF I have been on the receiving end of what were meant to be some barbed insults. I've put up with people like Ryan Howard accusing Duncan and I of performing certain carnal acts. I've listened to people like Eddy Jacks call me a limp-wristed pansy. To most people these would roll off their backs like any other insult that gets thrown at them. Well, I'm not most people. I've got two words for all of those wrestlers and all of the fans here in Portland and watching on television. I'm gay. Just me, not Duncan, that I'm aware of. I never planned to tell anyone in the wrestling world. It didn't seem like something anybody needed to know. I recently received a letter from a young man named Kevin who convinced me differently. He told me that gays were persecuted here and abroad and that the number one defense against such actions was acceptance. He told me that nothing can help them better than knowing that they are not alone. They need to know that there are people they can look up to who are also willing to accept who they are. Unfortunately there are always those who would stand in the way of acceptance. I have a feeling that Simon Lebec is one. He hides behind his mockery of religion and that is the truest intolerance of all. When all is said and done, Lebec, I am going to prove that whether I am gay or not... I am man enough to beat you into the ground. Then onto the Bash and Warnett. Then fans will have something to truly be proud of... the first openly gay Intercontinental Champion! [The fans sit in stunned silence... as do the announcers. The lull is broken by Turner dropping the mic and sprinting to the ring with a look of fury on his face... aimed at Simon Lebec. Simon however, is right there to meet the man as Turner hits the ring, and a near slugfest begins between the two.] TD: Wow! I mean... what an opening comment by Turner! SR: I only have one word to say for that, Drossy. CHEESECAKE! [Turner and Simon barrel back into the corner, with Lebec getting the upper hand with a hard right hand shot to the jaw, that staggers TNT, before Simon gets right in Turner's face.] SL: I don't care which side yer bread's buttered, you'll bleed just the same! [Simon then launches Turner across the ring, and charges in on the man for a running clothesline, but Turner gets a quick boot up into the face of Simon, stopping the man dead cold. Timothy then sets himself up on the second rope as Lebec tries to spin himself back around, and the high-flying Turner comes off with a hard elbow to the jaw of the man, that spins Lebec back around again, and drops the "Savior" face first into the mat, as a "Faggot" chant starts to come from a group of the audience.] SR: That's a dangerous position for Lebec to be put in. TD: Not funny, Steve Roberts! SR: No, Turner is the funny one. Or didn't you hear what he just said. TD: I heard him, and I for one have to congratulate him. It takes a lot of guts to come out and admit something like that to all these people. [Turner pulls Lebec up to a kneeling position by the hair, and drives a knee into the chest of the wrestler before, pushing him down to the canvas once again. Turner then charges himself into the ropes, as Lebec pulls himself up to his knees yet again, but as he does so, "Rocket Man" catches the wrestler with a half bulldog, driving the man face first into the canvas yet again, before rolling the man over to his back.] TD: Turner with the cover here! ONE! TWO! Turner just pulled himself off Lebec? SR: He likes his company in the ring. TD: This is the Intercontinental Championship semi-final match I mean there's nothing more important at the moment. SR: Love, Drossy, love. Face it, Rocket girl is in love. [The crowd doesn't take too kindly to Turner's stopping of the pin, and Joey Patrick issues a warning to the Rocket Man, and the "faggot" chant continues from the crowd. Turner just ignores Patrick as he then fires Lebec through the ropes and out to the floor in front of the NorthPac.] SR: We can tell what kind of crowd we have here tonight, can't we? TD: Why do they have to be influenced by Turner's "allegiance"? I mean they should be proud of what Turner's doing here tonight. SR: Getting himself into the National Enquirer? No, I know. Setting himself and Duncan up for guest spots on Jerry Springer. TD: No, standing up for who he is! [Turner starts to head outside the ring, but Patrick gets between him and the ring floor, and issues him a warning. Meanwhile, outside the ring, Tom Turner pulls "the Savior" up to his feet, and then clamps the man in a full nelson, as his brother continues to keep Patrick occupied by arguing with the official. Saito then sets up for an apparent thrust kick to the face of Lebec, but stops himself and then applies a quick pat to the face of Simon before Turner lets the man go. Lebec then tries to go after Saito for the little "stunt", but TNT breaks off his debate with the referee, and pulls Lebec up on the ring apron, once again through the use of the hair, and lifts Simon up onto the ring apron.] TD: Turner is totally focused on this match -- which is quite a feat considering his announcement here tonight! [Turner spins Lebec around on the ring apron, and places him back first on the ring ropes, before bringing down a forearm smash, that staggers Lebec on the ring apron. Timothy then helps Lebec figure out which way to drop, as he connects with a standing dropkick that puts Simon right back out to the ring floor. Patrick tries to get Turner to remain in the ring, but this time, Turner makes up his mind to get outside the ring, and as Lebec gets up to his feet, Turner launches himself over the top rope with a somersault, turning his airborne ride into a hurricarana, catching Simon with the manoeuvre. Despite the aerial display, the crowd continues to boo the actions of Turner, and the camera shows a young male fan sitting at ringside, giving Turner an unfriendly gesture of the hands as Turner pulls himself off of Lebec. Turner, obviously seems a bit agitated by the actions, and turns his immediate attention to the fan, with a glare on his face.] TD: Uh-oh, this could get ugly. [The camera moves in to pick up the young man yelling at Turner, saying "Get back in the closet, faggot". Patrick continues the count on the two men outside the ring as Turner starts to approach the young man.] TD: Come on, Tim, don't let them get to you like that. SR: I never knew that about you, Timmy. Now I know why you're never interested in my weekend stories. [Turner however, doesn't get the opportunity to do anything to the fan at ringside, as Lebec is back up to his feet, and he comes charging from behind at Turner, driving the man into the ring railing, almost right into the taunting fan. Simon pulls Turner away from the railing and then drives the man head first into the ring post, before launching "Rocket" under the bottom ring ropes. Lebec starts to follow up behind the man, but Saito starts to move in on the French wrestler. Lebec turns his attention to Saito, and the NorthPac member backs off, feigning innocence, when Lebec is forced to turn around to apparently prevent Tom Turner from attacking him. And much like Saito, Turner feigns simple innocence, and Lebec quickly rolls himself back into the ring.] TD: Smart move from Lebec there -- he doesn't want to be on the outside with the NorthPac Coalition. SR: He could find himself the victim of a gang bang. Get out of there, Simon! [Turner gets himself up to his feet, but Lebec is right there on the wrestler, and he hooks the man in for a front face lock, before spinning the man over with a swinging neckbreaker. Simon starts to drop down for a cover, but before Patrick can get into position, Lebec pulls himself right off the man, and can be heard yelling at Patrick, "This boy has to realise what he is, is wrong." Lebec then pulls Turner right back up to his feet, and locks the man in for, and lifts Timothy up, planting him with a piledriver maneuver in the center of the canvas. "The Savior" then pushes Turner away from him, and again, not going for the cover, begins to stomp away on the Canadian, even pushing Patrick a bit to make sure the official doesn't get in the way of any of the shots. Lebec turns his attention to the outside of the ring to make sure that NorthPac aren't up to anything at the moment, before pulling Turner once again up to his knees. Simon then rakes the eyes of Turner across the boot laces, and then pushes the man back down to the canvas once more.] Lebec then rises to his feet, holding his arms up in the air, almost as if looking up at the heavens, before bouncing backwards off the ropes, and landing a hard knee drop to the head of Turner, and finally attempting a cover attempt on the wrestler.] TD: We've got a count of ONE! TWO! T...NO! Turner pushing himself out of the pin. SR: No telling what else he pushes himself out of, right? TD: Do you honestly have to disparage the man here Roberts? SR: Sure. What would all those little Soundbiters think if I didn't? [Lebec pulls Turner right back up to a vertical stance yet again, before hooking the man up with a waistlock, and hoisting Turner up and over with a belly to belly suplex, driving the Canadian hard into the canvas, but again, doesn't take an immediate cover, as he rises up to his feet, and drops a hard elbow down on the wrestler. "The Savior" gets back up to his feet, and repeats the elbow drop across the chest of Turner, before repeating it a third time. Lebec finally decides to drop down on top of Turner for the cover, and Patrick rolls into position to start the count.] TD: One... two... th... no! Turner raising the shoulder at the last possible moment. [Lebec looks up at Patrick to complain about the count, but finally decides the better of it, and pulls Turner up to his feet but then hoists the man up in a side slam position. Lebec however, then drops the man with an over the knee backbreaker, and pushes Turner down to the canvas, and again applies another cover on the man.] TD: One! Two! Turner with a foot on the ropes! Lebec grabbing the leg of Turner! One! Two! NO! Turner with a kickout! [The Northpac members move toward the ring apron and literally pull Turner out of the ring to get him away from Lebec, and draw the ire of the "Savior", who slides past Patrick, and climbs out on the ring floor, and the two NorthPac members move in on Lebec. Simon points a finger at Turner, and can be heard saying something about "coming from the same flock, and that it runs in the blood."] Turner meanwhile has gotten back up to his feet, and as Lebec turns himself around, is nailed by a hard thrust kick to the side of the head, and sends the "Savior" into the ring apron. Turner grabs the head of Lebec, and drives him into the canvas, before rolling the wrestler into the ring, and Turner rolls in the ring behind the man. As Turner gets in the ring, Lebec is already up to his feet, and rebounding off the ropes. TNT drops to the canvas as Lebec goes over top of the wrestler, and comes off the ropes a second time, this time ducking under a leapfrogging Turner.] SR: Careful, Simon -- you don't want to bend down too long in there! TD: Oh, please, Steve Roberts, have a little taste. [The third trip across the ring is nowhere near as fortunate for Lebec, as the wrestler is caught by Turner with a monkey flip that sends the Savior up and over landing hard on his back near the ropes. As Lebec gets up to his feet, Turner catches the man with a dropkick that sends Lebec over the top rope yet again and tumbling out to the floor. Turner gets back up to his feet as Patrick moves into position to start the count on Lebec, as Saito makes his way over to Lebec, and pulls the man up to his feet, and starts to dust off the outfit of Simon, drawing a push-off from Lebec, sending Saito tumbling backwards to the floor. Lebec then does the same thing to the Constable who moves in on Lebec, although he only gets pushed back slightly.] As he does so, TNT comes off the ring ropes, and catches Lebec from behind with a baseball kick that barrels Simon down to the floor himself, and Turner climbs back up to his feet, and rifles Lebec right back into the ring. Saito pulls himself up to his feet outside the ring, when out of the back, the crowd responds to the appearance of the Black Watch, who start making their way down toward the ring. Inside the ring, Turner pulls Lebec up to his feet, and takes the man over in a snap suplex, depositing Lebec onto the canvas once again. Turner rolls over on top of Lebec for a cover.] TD: ONE! TWO!! T... Kickout by Simon! [Turner, however, doesn't appear dismayed, as he just shakes his head and pulls Lebec up to his feet, and grabs the man by the head, before racing toward the ropes. Turner launches himself over the top rope, snapping the head of Lebec on the cable, as the Black Watch stand back and watch the happenings in the ring. Turner then grabs the leg of Lebec, and pulls the man out to the ring apron and extends the limb over the edge, before dropping a hard elbow of his own into the exposed leg. Simon quickly tries to yank himself back into the ring, but is again pulled out to the ring apron yet again, this time, lifting the leg of Lebec up and smashing it down on the edge of the ring apron. This time, Lebec pulls himself back into the ring, and Turner allows him to do so, before following up after the man. The NorthPac members back away from the ring edge as Patrick orders them to do, when the Black Watch decide to use the opportunity to hit the ring.] TD: It's the Macbeths! The Black Watch are out here -- what do they want with Turner? [Unfortunately for the Macbeths, Saito and Turner catch the two men before they hit the ring, and a four-man brawl begins to start outside the ring. Turner pulls Lebec up to his feet, and launches the man across the ring, and sets up for a back body drop but Lebec drops a quick elbow down on the head of TNT, driving the man down into the canvas.] TD: It's chaos out here, Steve Roberts! The official needs to get some control in this one -- and fast! [Lebec turns Turner over, but doesn't go for the pin, instead going for a spinning toe hold, and then tries to get Turner over for the "Pearly Gate Mercy". Turner however, has other ideas, as he refuses to let himself get pushed off into the hold, and with his free foot, is able to push Lebec back out of the spinning toe hold, sending the wrestler back to the corner. Turner gets back up to his feet, but as he does so, Lebec comes right back out off the turnbuckle and takes TNT down with running swinging neckbreaker that puts Turner down to the mat before dropping down on top of the man for a cover. Meanwhile, the Black Watch are getting more of a battle than they anticipated with NorthPac, as Turner and Saito manage to work the Scotsmen back up the walkway slightly, as the Constable grabs the head of Duncan, and drives the man into the walkway railing right in front of the video wall before disappearing with the wrestler into the back.] TD: One! Two! Th...no! Turner able to stay in this match as he again fights out of the pin attempt. [The "Savior" then pulls himself off of Turner, and drops a quick spinning leg drop down on top of Turner, before pulling the wrestler up and driving him face irst into the turnbuckle padding. Outside the ring, the Saito fires Andrew Macbeth back through the entranceway into the darkness, leaving Timothy and Lebec by themselves. Turner is spun around by Lebec, and the Frenchman fires off a very loud pop of a right hand to the jaw of TNT. Turner is then fired across the ring, nailing the corner padding so hard that he goes over the top rope, and drops down to the floor holding on to his back. Lebec climbs out of the ring behind the man and pulls Turner up to his feet, before scooping him up and dropping him with a body slam. Lebec then climbs back up on the ring apron, and comes flying off with a double axehandle on the "rocket" as Turner manages to somehow to get up to his feet.] TD: Turner is on his feet! Turner is on his feet! [The camera zooms in on the two men, and a hard smile is seen crossing the face of Lebec, as he fires Turner toward the ringsteps. The Savior then breaks the count of the official by rolling himself into and out of the squared circle, and turns his attention once again back to his opponent, driving a boot into the chest of the Canadian. The crowd eruption starts again, as another figure comes racing out from the back, this time revealing himself to be Christopher Stonebreaker, who has as usual his sledgehammer as well as a canvas bag. Lebec, unaware of the appearance of the cajun, fires Turner under the ring ropes, and begins to climb up on the ring apron to get back into the ring, but never makes it in the squared circle, as Chris drops the sledgehammer and bag next to the table near Dross and Roberts, and grabs the legs of Lebec to pull them out from under him, dropping the "Savior" face first on the ring apron.] TD: Look out! I think Stonebreaker is about to make Lebec pay for taking him out of this tournament! SR: Maybe he and Turner are the new bosom buddies of the IIWF? [Chris then pulls Lebec up to his feet, and nails the man with a right hand, as Patrick, having checked on Turner turns his attention back to starting a count on Simon, who is levelled by a second punch from Stonebreaker. The Louisiana wrestler then grabs the sledgehammer from the announcers table and brings it down, head first down on the back of Lebec, who was trying to get back up to his feet. Turner, back up to his feet, and aware of the happenings outside the ring, pushes Patrick to the side to stop the officials count, and the Rocket pulls Stonebreaker off of Lebec, only to get nailed in the midsection by the cajun with the sledgehammer. Chris then grabs Turner, and fires him off into the ring railing head first, sending him before turning his attention back to Lebec. Chris pulls Lebec up to his feet, and scoops the man up over head before lifting him up even higher into a military press, and dropping the man gut first on the ring railing. Turner gets back up to his feet, and comes back at the cajun, but again, the Rocket Man seems unable to phase Stonebreaker at the moment, as he puts a boot to the midsection of Turner, before getting thrown toward the ring steps.] TD: I guess that puts an end to your buddy theory, Steve! SR: Lovers' spat. All couples have them. TD: Patrick still continuing the count on both men. If they both get counted out... SR: Then our favourite President is going to be one match short at Birthday Bash. [Stonebreaker then gets down on his knees right in front of Lebec grabs him by the hair, and yelling in his face.] CS: So you didn't want to face me in the ring, Simon? Well, that's just fine by me! [Turner tries to pull himself up to his feet, and rejoin the chaos, but the wrestler is unable to get back up to his feet. Chris pulls the Frenchman back up, and drives the wrestler into the ringpost, and again, can be heard yelling at Simon.] CS: This ain't about wrestling you anymore, Simon. You didn't want to step in the ring, we'll do it right out here! TD: I can't believe this -- we're about to have a double countout! SR: And Walnut gets the belt by default? This can't be happening! [At that moment, the Black Watch duo come running back down out of the back for the second time, this match, obviously without the NorthPac in the way, and the two Scotsman come down to the ring, as Patrick gets his count up to eight, and as Patrick gets the count up to nine, they throw Turner into the squared circle just before the official signals for the bell. Meanwhile, Chris has taken a hold of Lebec, and with a handful of hair, he drags the Savior over toward the ring railing, and steps over the metal bar with the head of Lebec in tow. The fans there in the seats all bail out of the way, but Stonebreaker stops himself, and the cajun sets Lebec up for and executes a Rude awakening on the cold metal, before the view changes back to the Black Watch at ringside.] DM: Oy, Cheesecake, there's yer "clean" victory. Enjoy, wha'! [The Scotsmen then pat each other on the chest, before giving Turner a mock salute, and heading back up the aisle arms over each other's shoulders, laughing as they head to the back.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this match, via a count-out, "ROCKET MAN" TIMOTHY N. TURNER!! [The camera moves back up on Turner, who has his hand raised in victory by Patrick, and the NorthPac members come racing back down toward the ring to check on their ally. Stonebreaker meanwhile, has pulled himself back over the ring railing and stands over Lebec, who is clutching at the back of his head, where he made hard contact with the railing. Chris grabs the backpack he carried with him to the ring, and pulls it open to remove a Polaroid camera.] SR: Capture the moment while you and your companion have it, cajun. [Chris then kneels down over the battered figure of Lebec, and takes a quick snapshot of the man. The crowd lets out a pop as the flash of the camera goes off, and the film pours out of the front of the camera.] CS: Lebec, you didn't want to wrestle me in the ring, did you? You and half the IIWF members around here it seems! Well, right now you're going to pass this little word along to everyone from the Jobber Squad to President Spreadbury himself. That ol' "Wrestle Clean" campaign is OVER!! Your "Wrestle Hard" campaign. Forget it! That's right, from now on, it's "Beat 'em or Beat the Hell Out of 'em". And you, not Ike Sampson, not Charles Scheffield, not even our illustrious champ have the privilege of being the first ever poster child for this new campaign. That privilege is entirely yours, Simon. So savour it! [Chris then holds the film up for the camera before tossing it over to Dross at the announcer's booth, and picks up the sledgehammer and knapsack, and makes his way to the back. As Stonebreaker makes his way up the aisle, however, another figure comes down toward the ring, and gives the cajun a hard look as the two pass one another.] TD: Poutine Janois coming down to the ring!! SR: And this means... TD: A lot of disappointment for someone, I think. [Janois climbs up in the ring, and motions for the house microphone from Sparkplug, and motions for the crowd to settle down.] PJ: What we just saw here. Well, to put it bluntly, was not what we expect of our title contenders. In a week, the biggest IIWF Pay Per View is going to be held, and... [Janois looks back over at Turner, who is finally seated up with the NorthPac members standing over the man. The camera then zooms in on the Black Watch, who have returned to the aisle to find out what is going on, and Janois catches a glimpse of the Scots and turns the attention to them.] PJ: Well, personally, I cannot let someone outside of the competitors in this match determine who is supposed to go after the Intercontinental Title. And that Duncan is precisely what you tried to do here tonight. [The crowd gives a solid heel pop for the Black Watch duo, who have confident smiles on their faces reflecting their actions.] PJ: So, it is my decision that due to the actions of the Black Watch, Timothy Turner is hereby _disqualified_... [The crowd lets out a huge pop reaction, although it is extremely mixed. The Black Watch duo come running down toward the ring with locks of total shock on their face.] PJ: And the man who will be facing Marty Warnett for the Intercontinental Championship is none other than... Simon Lebec! SR: Yes! Just goes to show you, Drossy, the power of prayer does work. TD: I don't believe this! [Turner gets up to his feet, and starts pleading with Janois, but the Chairman pays the wrestlers no attention, as medical personnel join Janois as they check on the still prone form of the Frenchman before heading back up the catwalk.] TD: This... this is a conspiracy. Turner decides to come out and not hide who he is anymore, and this is what he gets for it? [The Black Watch are still stymied by the order of and the try to get Janois attention as the "suit" heads back toward the back, with the Scotsmen in tow.] SL: Your winner of this match, via disqualification, "THE SAVIOUR" SIMON LEBEC! [Inside the ring, Turner stands on the ring ropes, trying to get the attention of Janois, but to no avail, as the NorthPac members join Rocket Man flailing away with their arms trying to figure out what just happened.] TD: This is ridiculous! Turner won the match, although under questionable circumstances. SR: So you're saying let Turner have a free ride to the title match? TD: That is definitely not what I'm saying. But Lebec got counted out. I mean the official could have called a disqualification at any time. SR: So what's the difference? It gets called now instead of earlier. TD: The point being that this just doesn't smell right. SR: Cheesecake! TD: I think President Spreadbury is going to have a lot to answer for. I mean there's got to be a reason behind this decision. Do they just not want Turner at the Birthday Bash now? SR: Shall we get Oliver Stone on the line for you? You honestly think that they don't want Rocket girl in the Pay Per View because he's out of the closet? Please Drossy, I've heard of conspiracy theories, but this is a bit of a reach. TD: Something's going on, in my opinion, Soundbite, and we're definitely going to hear more about this. This one isn't going to be swept under the carpet if Turner has anything to say about it. Folks, before we move on to our next match, we have some pre-recorded comments from Derek Mota, who will be a part of that huge main event later on tonight. Let's roll the tape. [Cut to an empty bedroom. We're unsure exactly where it is. No sounds are heard. For several painstakingly long seconds, we're forced to watch the emptiness, until finally Icehawk walks onto the set.] IH: Ohhhhh, my head... [Upon closer inspection, we realise that it isn't Icehawk at all, but Derek Mota dressed up like the young Finn, mock Cruiserweight Title and all around his waist, with several layers of bandages wrapped around his head. Mota is obviously enjoying himself here, his twisted smile more prominent than ever.] DM: Had ya fooled there, didn't I? Hehe. [Mota begins removing the clothing, revealing his usual street attire beneath it.] You know, when I was a kid I always had this way of torturing my brother. He never got over it. Look at him now, poor guy's stuck in the bottom of the cards in some poor no-name leagues. You're wonderin' who it is, ain't ya? Well, I ain't tellin'. You can figure it out on your own. But that ain't the point, is it? I found a way ta get to the poor guy, it just drove him nuts. And in typical Derek Mota style, I even managed ta rub it in ahead of time, just like I'm doin' now. Icehawk, you and me... we're on opposite sides tonight. You got the Coalition ta worry about. "To Excess" Rick Williams has your name. You and that spare tyre Serge Annis, man... I remember last summer. What was it... five on one? And ya still couldn't finish me off, could ya? Tonight I'm ready ta relive old memories. But this time you've got two guys on your side, and I've got a partner that I can trust. Hehe... I killed Genesis. You wanna bring it up again, I'll kill it one more time. Gladly. So, my brother... you know what he hated? Surprises. Icehawk, you like surprises? Hope so... See you in the ring. [Mota walks off the set, still peeling the multiple layers of bandages off his head. Just as he gets off camera, we can hear him mumble "Man, that Mota sure knows how to swing a steel chair!" just as he begins laughing out loud. Fade out and cut back to the broadcast table.] TD: Comments from Derek Mota there. He and Icehawk will be locking it up in the main event after our next match, which is the second semi-final in our huge "King of the Cruisers" tournament. "Playboy" Ronnie D squares off against Big Greggy Cool... it's sure to be a great one. Let's head up to the ring. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| KING OF THE CRUISERS TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL MATCH: |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|"Playboy" Ronnie D [EMWC] vs. Big Greggy Cool [NPWA] ....................................................................... WRITER: Ian Jalbert [Sparkplug Lee makes his way to the ring, smiling for all the fans. A collective yawn appears from thousands of them. Lee looks upset, VERY upset, and erupts!] SL: What the hell is that? I give years of my time to you and this is what kind of a reaction I get? This is the thanks you and the IIWF give me? Well, let's put it this way: I've had enough! [The crowd looks a little curious, but still is barely paying attention.] You see the way I've been treated by Mr. Spreadbury over the last two years. You see all the bad stuff happening to me. And I think it was all fixed! I think that they WANT all this stuff to happen to me! And now I'm going to shoot them down! [Nothing.] Don't you get it? Who wants to hear Sparkplug shoot on the IIWF? [A single fan yells "Bite me, Sparky!" Lee looks around, despair on his face as the "defeated" look replaces his "shoot" face.] Okay then. Never mind. The next match is set for one fall, with a 45 minute time limit, and is the second semi-final match in the King of the Cruisers Tournament! ["Bounce" by Run DMC begins to play, the crowd recognises the song after a few seconds and gives a good pop for Big Greggy Cool! BGC does the wave as he walks in, laughing all the way, carrying something under his arm.] SL: Weighing in at an even two hundred pounds, representing the NPWA... he is a semi-finalist in this tournament, ladies and gentlemen, here is... Big Greggy Cool! [BGC finally makes it to the ring, and unfolds the rug that he just carried in. He places it in the middle of the ring and awaits the entry of his opponent.] SL: And here is the other semi-finalist, the man who defeated the IIWF's own "Sanguinary" Steve Manning to advance to the semi-finals, He weighs in at 214lbs, he is "Playboy" Ronnie D! [A huge heel pop erupts as Ronnie D emerges from the dressing room area. The arena lights dim as the spotlight shines down on the Playboy, who walks out, posing to all the beautiful women at ringside, who mostly tend to ignore him. Inside the ring, Big Greggy Cool has somehow found firewood at ringside, and has placed it on his special "BGC flame retardant rug", making a campfire!] TD: Anybody bring some marshmallows? SR: Thought that you of all people would have a few cases stashed in the back, Dross. You're disappointing me. [The IIWF attendants immediately rush the ring with fire extinguishers and put out the fire, to which Greggy grabs one of them (fire extinguishers, that is) and clocks "Playboy" Ronnie D over the head with it! The referee doesn't know what to do, but starts the count when BGC covers the Playboy: 1 -- 2 -- but Ronnie kicks out!] TD: Big Greggy Cool is trying to use his brains and cheating ability to win this one, Steve. He's taking it straight from the book of the Playboy, who apparently is the master of cheating! SR: That's why I love the guy, Dross. He reminds me of me when I was younger. Yeah, about six months ago. Those were the good old days... [Greggy has the Playboy back up to his feet, nailing him with a series of punches to the head to keep him off guard. Ronnie comes back with a chop to the chest, driving Greggy back a few feet! The crowd roars with a loud "Whooo!", Ronnie gets annoyed and makes a few obscene gestures to them, getting an even louder negative reaction.] TD: I think that these men are dressed to annoy each other here, Steve. "Playboy" Ronnie D is wearing a Montreal Canadians hockey jersey with the number 69 on the back. I wonder why he picked that number in particular, anyways? SR: Gee, I wonder. TD: I just don't know how he gets the Snickers bars into play. SR: Ask Spreadbury. They're his Snickers bars. [Ronnie walks around the ring, parading his shirt around to get an even bigger crowd reaction. Big Greggy Cool, not one to be showed up, removes his shorts to reveal... no, not that, but a pair of red broken hearts tights, an identical pair to the ones that the Playboy is wearing.] TD: I think Ronnie will be upset here, this is supposed to be his show tonight. [Both men go face to face, with Ronnie standing several inches above Greggy Cool. A stare-down continues for a few seconds, until the Playboy rushes outside the ring, grabbing a thick phone book from under the ring and bringing it back into the ring. Ronnie puts the phone book down in the middle of the ring, telling Greggy to stand on it to "even things out". Of course, Greggy won't have anything to do with it.] TD: Mind games by Playboy here. It's all about mind games when you're wrestling against Ronnie D. [Ronnie distracts the referee, nailing Greggy with a crotch chop! The fans give a collective groan as Big Greggy Cool falls like a lump to the ground. Ronnie laughs, soaking in the attention he is getting, while Greggy sits in the middle of the ring in pain, holding his crotch.] SR: Obviously Ronnie is establishing his size superiority with that phone book move. He's trying to intimidate Greggy, and it obviously worked, gave him the chance to hit him with that low blow. [Ronnie does a quick pose to the crowd and goes back to work on BGC, hitting him with a Side Suplex. Greggy is quick back up to his feet, and takes a Drop Kick to the jaw to knock him back down. Playboy grabs Greggy by the leg, hitting him with a Hamstring Pull. Greggy is obviously starting to favor his leg at this point, but is not a quitter and tries to get back up to his feet once more. Playboy is quicker at this point and kicks his feet from under him, taunting him at every occasion. BGC is quickly getting upset, and manages to launch himself onto Ronnie D, repeatedly nailing him with punches!] TD: And Big Greggy Cool has lost his temper here, he's just pummelling Ronnie! SR: I think this is the plan! [The fans count along with BGC as he continues hitting the Playboy with punches. ...5...10...15...20...] SR: At least I THINK this is the plan... [Playboy is left on the ground, looking extremely stunned after being punched more often than any man in history, apparently. Greggy looks to the turnbuckle, and climbs the ropes for a Moonsault.] TD: I don't think that the Playboy is ready for this yet! This is a mistake by Greggy! [However, at the second turnbuckle Greggy stops climbing and jumps off with a Reverse Elbow Drop! Quick cover gets a two count as Ronnie manages to get out of the surprise move just in time.] TD: Smart move by BGC here. He thought that Playboy may have been playing possum and went with a quicker move instead. And it worked. [Irish whip into the ropes followed by a Stun Gun by Big Greggy Cool lays out the Playboy. This time it's BGC's turn to pose to the crowd, doing pelvic twists, to which the fans roar in delight!] SR: I don't think I'll ever understand these morons. What do they see in this guy? TD: He's an entertainer, Steve. And a good one, at that. [Greggy throws Ronnie D out of the ring, into enemy territory. Ronnie hits the cement floor hard, holding his back, and Greggy almost dances his way out of the ring to follow him. Greggy reaches under the ring and pulls out...] TD: A bucket! SR: Oh no, not another Sebastian Jericho here! Hehe... [Gauging the crowd reaction, Greggy reaches under the ring AGAIN, and pulls out...] TD: A towel! SR: Okay, this time, I don't get it. [Greggy dunks the towel into the water filled bucket, laughing through it all, and he finally gives the towel a good twist, and whips it, hitting Playboy Ronnie D right in the ass! Ronnie yelps out loud, screaming "Watch the ass!", getting a huge pop from the fans. Greggy winds up and snaps another time, nailing the Playboy in the buttocks once more! Ronnie D is running around the ring, yodelling as Big Greggy Cool chases him around in an 80's wrestling flashback. Right out of the blue, Ronnie turns around and nails Greggy with a superb Clothesline!] SR: Hehe... he took the ass whipping, and now he's back! TD: Uh-oh, I think we're about to see something VERY familiar here... [Ronnie walks over to the bucket and splashes Greggy with it, drenching him from head to toe. The Playboy grabs the empty bucket and dumps it onto the head of Big Greggy Cool, rendering him completely blind, a bucket stuck on his head!] SR: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is a Sebastian Jericho moment! [Both announcers are almost giddy as Greggy is stumbling around aimlessly, trying to remove the bucket from his head. Ronnie D grabs BGC by the arm and whips him into the post bucket first. CLANG!!! The front of the bucket caves in as BGC hits the post nose first! Finally Ronnie D grabs BGC by the arm and tosses him back into the ring, the bucket falling off on the way in.] TD: Another classic IIWF moment revolving around a bucket. What is it with those things? SR: I dunno, but we should have a bucket at ringside at all our matches! That was great! TD: And Greggy's nose is bleeding here, he really hit that post hard there. [Greggy wipes some blood from his nose, but it continues to gush as the referee takes a quick look at it before letting the match continue. The Playboy sneaks up from behind and wraps on a Sleeper hold! Already reeling from the bucket shot, BGC falls to the sleeper, quickly falling to his knees. Ronnie forcefully keeps the move on, until at the last minute he releases the hold and begins to rattle on BGC's head with his knuckles like a bongo! The fans laugh and Ronnie does a quick strut for them.] TD: Why do I feel that this match is almost entirely based on intimidation and humiliation? SR: This is what wrestling is all about, Drossy. That, and blood. Lots of gushing blood. Oh yeah, and buckets. TD: And you can't forget biscuits, right? SR: Did that even have to be said? [Getting a little more serious, the Playboy hits BGC with a Vertical Suplex. He then puts the throat of BGC on the ropes and charges off the far ropes, jumping onto him to clothesline his throat on the ropes.] TD: Well, well, well, we have some visitors here, Steve. SR: Karachel has made his way to ringside, and he's standing near our announcer's table. I'll try to get a word in with him later. And from the other side, the man who's already advanced to the finals next week, "Iconoclast" Sean Watts has grabbed a seat and is enjoying the action. TD: Both of these men are fighting like madmen to get the opportunity to face Sean Watts next week. Whatever happens tonight, we're going to see a great match next weekend at Birthday Bash. Of course, this won't be the only great match, we'll see the big IIWF World Title match with... SR: Yeah, yeah. Let's get to some more buckets. [Karachel is getting a little more involved in the match at this point than Watts is, yelling insults at "Playboy" Ronnie D inside the ring. Ronnie is pretty much oblivious to it however, trying to get a submission from Big Greggy Cool with an Abdominal Stretch. Ronnie of course uses the ropes to his advantage, distracting the referee and getting the additional leverage. Greggy finally counters it with a Hip Toss, sending the Playboy flying over the top rope! The crowd explodes as Big Greggy Cool shakes his booty and dives over the top rope with a Senton Splash! Both wrestlers lay outside of the ring on the cement floor, completely dazed.] TD: Big risk manoeuvre by Big Greggy Cool pays off! [A loud "BGC" chant starts from the fans as Greggy slowly climbs back into the ring, not wanting to involve himself with all the possible interference and foreign items. Ronnie D bumps into Karachel, who is yelling at him, and the two exchange heated words for a few seconds. Ronnie shoves Karachel into the guardrail, getting a loud reaction from the fans for it. However, as Ronnie goes to turn around to re-enter the ring, Karachel tosses some black powder into the eyes of the Playboy! Ronnie stumbles around, until Karachel tosses him back into the ring. Big Greggy Cool takes advantage of the moment, hitting the Playboy with a Russian Legsweep, and then climbing the ropes. BGC flies gracefully, catching the rising Playboy in mid-air, but...] TD: Ronnie D caught him! He just caught him in mid-air! SR: Tombstone Piledriver! [The entire arena just enters a hush when the move hits, and the Playboy goes for the cover!] TD: He can't get it! He fell away from Big Greggy Cool and is still blinded! He can't find him! [Playboy is feeling his way around the ring, finally finding Big Greggy Cool and covering him for the pin! 1 -- 2 -- but Greggy kicks out at the last possible moment! Ronnie is upset at the guaranteed pin he had, but could not keep because of his blindness. Outside the ring, Karachel laughs as his plan has already succeeded. The Playboy finally appears to have his vision coming back, and climbs to the top rope for a risky manoeuvre.] TD: I don't think this is a good move considering the shape of Ronnie's knee! [Greggy manages to make his way back up to his feet, stumbling into the ropes, causing the Playboy to fall off the top rope, crotching himself on the turnbuckle! Greggy climbs to the top rope himself, and both men begin to exchange punches on the top rope! Greggy gets the advantage, and shoves the Playboy's head down, going for a Suplex! But the Playboy hits a couple of punches to the midsection, staying out of the hold! Both wrestlers still struggle, trying to get each other into a deadly manoeuvre, when Ronnie grabs a hold of Greggy and attempts to Backdrop him out into the ringside seats! Greggy just counters it, managing to get the Playboy's head between his legs, and jumps off with...] TD: A PILEDRIVER! OH MY! He just hit a Piledriver off the top turnbuckle! "Playboy" Ronnie D is out, Steve Roberts! [Big Greggy Cool somehow finds his wits and manages to cover the Playboy! The referee makes the count: 1 --- 2 --- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Huge pop!] SL: The winner of the match, and advancing to the King of the Cruisers Finals next week at Birthday Bash, he is the NPWA's Big Greggy Cool! [The IIWF's team of paramedics run into the ring, obviously fearing the worst from one of the deadliest piledrivers in the history of wrestling. Ronnie shudders a few times as they mount him on a stretcher, Sean Watts entering the ring to check up on him. Big Greggy Cool is also there, not wanting to put the wrestler's career to an end, but having to do what it takes to win the match. Just as they begin to carry him out of the ring, "Playboy" Ronnie D shrugs off the help and rolls off the stretcher, attempting to walk out himself. Fans give a huge round of applause for the Playboy, who has just shown more courage than most wrestlers have in the tournament so far. Big Greggy Cool then begins to celebrate in the ring, dancing with the fans, who are beginning to pour into the ring.] TD: Look at that! We have another stare-down in the ring! Big Greggy Cool and "Iconoclast" Sean Watts are set to meet next week, but we could see this match happening tonight! SR: Dammit! I don't think I can stand to watch this Greggy guy one more week! I'm gonna puke! [We won't see the confrontation as the ring almost instantly gets jam packed with fans who have charged the ring, half intoxicated, hoping to get a dance with Big Greggy Cool. Watts and Cool are separated now, Watts making his way back to the locker room.] TD: Great match tonight, Steve. Ronnie D humiliated Big Greggy Cool on a number of occasions, but in the end it was Greggy who just had a little more to give, just that last ditch attempt that helped him get that Piledriver. SR: Two more seconds. The Playboy could've gotten that backdrop into the fans. Yeah, if Greggy flies into the fans, those moron rockheads would've knocked him out for sure. End of the line for Greggy. TD: But that's not how it ended. Could've gone either way tonight, but once again it's the little things that make the difference. Two well matched up wrestlers putting on a great fight, something that you can only see in the IIWF and the King of the Cruisers Tournament! SR: Finals next week! Call you cable company now to order! Yadda yadda yadda! TD: Folks, we are now just moments away from tonight's main event -- but before we get to that, just a quick reminder that Birthday Bash is this coming Saturday Night, three hours live from this very building, the IIWF Coliseum, with some of the biggest matches we have seen for some time. It'll be Steve Kowalski vs. Serge Annis for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship in the main event, against doctor's orders. SR: I'm going to talk him out of it, Dross. There's no way the Fury's wrestling that match. TD: We'll see an age-old rivalry resurrected as Marty Warnett and Simon Lebec square off for the Intercontinental Championship, plus "Iconoclast" Sean Watts facing Big Greggy Cool to decide the "King of the Cruisers". We'll see Team Sychosys defend the IIWF World Tag Team Championship belts against the Prophets of Rage -- potentially in a Lumberjack Match! We'll see the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi face Tiger Claw one-on-one in another classic confrontation. "To Excess" Rick Williams faces Portland legend in a Towel Match, Derek Mota challenges Icehawk for the Cruiserweight Championship, Deathbringer battles Chris Staley inside a Steel Cage, the Machines take on the Fabulous Ones in a "Loser Leaves Town" match. And much, much more. SR: I'd pay to see, maybe, two of those matches, Dross. TD: Shush, Steve Roberts. Birthday Bash is just seven days away, folks -- call your local cable operator to order this great event. Right now, however, it's time for tonight's main event: an eight-man tag team attraction featuring some of the biggest stars in the IIWF. There's going to be a whole lot of animosity in this ring in just a few moments -- a potentially explosive situation, make no mistake, Steve Roberts. SR: Claw and Musashi... Deathbringer and that kid, whatever his name is... Icehawk and Mota... Williams and, uh... What's Williams doing in there, Dross? TD: Rick Williams is by the side of his Coalition stablemate, Derek Mota... and they should prove to be quite a formidable partnership. This is the big one, folks -- a thrilling eight-man tag match, featuring some of the hottest superstars in wrestling today! SR: Except for Staley. TD: Now, Steve, young Chris Staley has certainly impressed since his debut with his tenacious dogging of the Deathbringer. SR: Yeah, him too. Staley and Dead Boy. Screw 'em both. And the little Burmese bastard, as well. TD: If you're referring to the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi, you can't possibly argue the fact that he has been a major destabilising presence in the IIWF in recent months, and in this match will certainly face the wrath of, among others, Serge Annis. SR: Right. Smilin' Sergie-pie, the anti-Luke Steele. Biding his time until the Fury pushes his wheelchair down to the ring at Birthday Bash and Skullpumps him through the mat. [BLEEP] him, too. TD: Indeed, there are several hot feuds boiling going into this match, all of which will certainly see their resolutions at Birthday Bash, just one week from tonight! SR: I just wish an earthquake would hit this firetrap and the ceiling would collapse on all eight of these morons. TD: My, we're surly tonight, aren't we? Let's not forget our contractual obligations to our employers, Steve. SR: You want obligations? You _got_ obligations, Dross. [Roberts clears his throat loudly, and pulls his headset mic close to his mouth.] SR: BIRTHDAY BASH! BUY IT, YA [BLEEP]HEADS! [A chorus of "Shoot, Soundbite, Shoot!" rises from the L'il Soundbiters behind the announcers table. Roberts stands and takes a bow, while Dross buries his head in his hands.] TD: Oh...kay. Let's go up to the ring for the introductions... ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| ..........................| || |.\ v v /.| __|......................... |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| Serge Annis, "Vagabond" Chris Staley, Tiger Claw & Icehawk vs. Rick Williams, Derek Mota, "Enigma" Takezo Musashi & Deathbringer ........................................................................ WRITER: Shawn Kilpatrick [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring as referees Dave D'Amato and Joey Patrick make their way down the aisle, taking up positions at ringside while ring official Earl Alfonso looks on grimly, as he contemplates the difficulties of keeping the imminent match under control. Lee makes his way to the centre of the ring, and pulls the line-up card from his breast pocket.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening! [Huge pop from the sold-out Coliseum crowd, the excitement in the arena growing with each passing moment.] SL: This match is a special eight-man tag team contest, and is scheduled for one fall! Without further ado, here are the members of the first team... Tiger Claw, "Vagabond" Chris Staley, Icehawk, and the "Lethal Protector", Serge Annis! [The crowd responds with a mixed pop as the four members of the first team begin to file through the curtain and make their way to ringside. Tiger Claw is the first to emerge in the aisle, and he is soundly booed and taunted with the usual anti-Syndicate chant of "YOU SOLD OUT!" as he strides straight to ringside, taking no note of the fans. He is followed by IIWF Cruiserweight champ Icehawk, and the affable Finn makes a point of showing up Claw by greeting as many fans as possible on his way to the ring. Icehawk's congeniality is regarded with a mocking sneer by Chris Staley, who glares at any fan brave enough to make eye contact with the abrasive newcomer, and he makes motions to strike some of the more abusive onlookers as the rookie is received with a heel pop to rival Tiger Claw's. Finally, bringing up the rear and keeping a fair distance from the other three, is the hulking form of Serge Annis, and he is greeted by an enthusiastic face pop from the crowd. Where Annis would have disdained such a response in the past, tonight the huge Canadian seems to welcome the cheers, and a hint of a smile can be seen on Annis' face as he slowly makes his way to the ring. Tiger Claw and Icehawk are already in the ring, and they pay no heed to each other as they begin stretching out, and Annis steps over the top rope and submits to a quick inspection from a suspicious Alfonso. Staley, meanwhile, makes a circuit of the ring, checking out the crowd for possible intruders, then pauses at the broadcast table and leans over into Roberts' face.] CS: Hey fossil... [Staley jabs a thumb at his chest] Vagina bound. And proud of it! [Staley then climbs into the ring, taking up a spot in the corner well away from his teammates.] TD: What was that all about? SR: Beats me, Dross. Maybe he's referring to his upcoming sex-change operation, if the dead man doesn't end up tearing off the rookie punk's tackle and feeding it to him at the Bash first. And what kind of language is that to be using on prime-time television? This is a family show, for [BLEEP]'s sake! TD: Good grief. SL: And their opponents, now making their way to the ring, the team of "To Excess" Rick Williams, Derek Mota, the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi, and the Deathbringer! [Unlike the first team's response, the crowd's response to the second team is almost all negative. The cocky, gum-cracking Williams is first down the aisle, followed by Mota, who jaws at several fans as he flicks his damp, dark hair out of his eyes and limps slightly, betraying his damaged ankle. The heel pop intensifies with the appearance of Musashi, whose face is once again painted with ornate Japanese chaos symbols, and the silent calm of his tranquil walk to the ring suggests a man who is, for the moment, in control of the frightening rages that have possessed him of late. Finally, all eyes turn to the head of the aisle as the towering figure of the Deathbringer steps through the curtains, red eyes glowing beneath his black cowl, and begins to make his way down the aisle, and several fans shrink back from the barriers as the imposing Dark Destroyer passes by, his long, slow gait nonetheless covering the distance between the entrance and the ring in mere moments. The 'Bringer, like Annis, steps over the top rope, and is immediately harangued by Staley from across the ring, but Deathbringer acts as if Staley isn't even present as he silently makes his preparations for the match.] TD: Well, all eight combatants are in the ring, with surprisingly little fuss after the rash of pre-match attacks we have seen of late. With Birthday Bash only one week away, all eight men will be looking to gain momentum going into the pay-per view with this match. SR: The best way these chumps could gain some momentum is by collectively jumping off the top of a very tall office building. TD: Please, Steve Roberts. We should see some fierce competition here tonight, particularly in the match-ups that we'll be seeing next week at Birthday Bash -- Staley and Deathbringer, Icehawk and Mota, Tiger Claw and Musashi -- plus Rick Williams and Serge Annis, who will both want to be going into the pay-per-view on a winning note. SR: I can't believe I had to miss Raspberry Jell-O All-Nude Twister night at the Beaver Trap just so I could sit here with all these morons and watch this goddamn insomnia cure of a match. Ring the bell, already! TD: My apologies for my colleague's attitude, folks -- I'm afraid he's still not coping well with the switch to decaf. Let's get up to the ring for the start of the match! [Alfonso calls for the bell, and the two groups confer amongst themselves before Annis steps forward for his team, and is met in the middle by a sneering Rick Williams, to the disdain of Musashi, who grudgingly climbs through the ropes with his team-mates. Williams and Annis lock up, and Williams is immediately sent sprawling back into the ropes as the big Canadian shoves him back with ease! Pop! Williams is undeterred, and uses the ropes to shoot back at Annis and nails him with a flying shoulderblock, which staggers the big man but does not drop him. Williams rushes to the ropes again with another shoulderblock that rocks Annis back on his heels, but the third attempt is unlucky, as Annis sidesteps the move and turns it into a face-first sidewalk slam!] TD: Williams setting a fast pace to this match, but Annis showed some quick thinking with that counter. You know, it's easy to underestimate Serge Annis nothing more than a pure power wrestler, but it should be noted that he holds victories over a good number of wrestlers who have held singles titles in the IIWF, including his opponent Deathbringer, himself a former World champ. SR: Yadda, yadda yadda. He's still gotta beat the Fury, Dross-man, and I'd take a 96-year old arthritic triple-amputee Steve Kowalski with a pacemaker, cataracts and a Skullpump over the Serge Lite we've been subjected to lately. [Williams elects for a strategic withdrawal before things get out of hand, and moves to the corner to tag out, and the massive Deathbringer steps over the top rope and squares off against Annis, who greets the 6' 10" behemoth with a chilling grin.] TD: Look at Chris Staley! He wants in that ring, right now! SR: Unbelievable. Next he'll be walking unarmed and alone through Compton with hundred-dollar bills hanging out of his pockets. This kid should have "PUNK ME" tattooed on his forehead. [As Staley screams at Annis for the tag, the two huge men lock up, and Deathbringer is surprisingly quick as he drives a knee into Annis' midsection, and belly-to-belly suplexes the Canadian across the mat! Annis hits hard, but manages to rollout of the way of a crushing elbowdrop from the 'Bringer, and springs to his feet, launching himself into the air and dropping a big leg across the throat of the Dark Destroyer before he can rise! Big pop! Annis, gaining momentum, dashes to the ropes near his corner, but hits the brakes as he feels a slap on the hand, and glares at Chris Staley as he suddenly charges into the ring, straight for Deathbringer!] TD: Staley tagged himself in! [Staley immediately sets upon the downed Deathbringer and begins flailing away at him with lefts and rights, but strangely, Deathbringer does nothing to ward off the blows, absorbing the punishment as he uses the inertia of his massive bulk to rise to his feet despite Staley's vicious attack. Staley, frustrated, hits the ropes and flies at the big man with a clothesline, smacking his arm into Deathbringer's chest but failing to knock him down. The 'Bringer seems completely disinterested in Staley, which angers the rookie even more, and he launches himself at his huge opponent yet again, but this time, a scything right hand comes out of nowhere, and Staley catches Deathbringer's fist right in the temple, sending him reeling into the corner. Suddenly, confusion reigns in te Coliseum, as the house lights quickly fade to black.] TD: What's going on? SR: Spreads let that power bill go too long again... I keep telling him and telling him -- when the blue bill comes, ignore it, and when the red bill comes, bite the bullet and pay up! [The lights suddenly fade up again, and the Deathbringer is standing alone in the middle of the ring! The big man stands silently looking down the aisle, and Alfonso's head whips around, as he looks for the missing opponent!] TD: Chris Staley has vanished! SR: No he hasn't! He's just getting seven shades of snot beat out of him in the aisle again! [Cut to a shot of the aisle, where Deathbringer's two twin bodyguards are putting a vicious beatdown on the "Vagabond"! The crowd pops as the mini-'Bringers pound Staley down to his knees with big haymakers, then start putting the boots to him, trapping Staley against a steel barrier!] TD: Chris Staley has not endeared himself to a lot of people since entering the IIWF, least of all the Deathbringer, who seems intent on crippling the newcomer with the help of his two companions! SR: Yeah, he sure ain't gonna win the "Mr. Congeniality" award this year. Maybe the "Shortest IIWF Career" though... [D'Amato and Patrick wade into the fray to pull the huge Deathbringer clones off of Staley, as the 'Bringer himself continues to look on impassively from the ring. The officials manage to get Staley out from under the boots of the mini-'Bringers, and the "Vagabond" wipes a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth before glaring up at Deathbringer, lips pulled back in a snarl, and charges right back into the ring! Big pop!] TD: The refs got Staley out of that mess, and he's going right back for another piece of Deathbringer! SR: You believe in reincarnation, Dross? TD: I can't say that I do, Steve. SR: Me neither, but if I did, I'd guess that Staley was a lemming in a past life. The cliff's thataway, son! [Staley bolts into the ring, and launches himself at Deathbringer with a soaring drop kick, which the big man makes no move to avoid! The crowd pops as Staley connects, sending Deathbringer reeling back into his corner, and incredibly, the 'Bringer merely turns and tags out to Derek Mota!] TD: Deathbringer took the full brunt of that drop kick without so much as flinching, and just exited the ring as if nothing had happened! SR: That's gotta get under the rookie's skin. It's hard to get in a guy's face if he acts like you don't even exist. [Staley slams the mat as Deathbringer exits, but gamely remains in the ring as Mota quickly closes in. Staley and Mota lock up, and Staley goes for a hiptoss, followed up by a boot to the back of the head. Mota rolls across the canvas to avoid the mat assault, slips behind Staley as he tries to trap Mota in the corner, and lays the "Vagabond" out with a neckbreaker from nowhere! Big pop!] TD: Staley and Mota keeping the pace fluid... Staley, back on his feet, goes for a clothesline... and a stomachbreaker from Derek Mota! Mota follows up with a hard elbow to the back of the head, and now he sends Staley for the ride... knee lift to the stomach, and Staley is on the mat, gasping for air! SR: The little bastard's keeping things on the mat so far, Dross. That ankle must be bugging him more than we thought! [Staley, clutching his ribs as he struggles to get in a breath, lunges towards his corner to tag out, reaching out for his nearest team-mate, Tiger Claw. But as Staley reaches the corner, Tiger Claw turns away, seemingly distracted by a fan in the audience! Staley shouts at Claw for the tag, but too late -- Mota is already behind him, and he drives the "Vagabond" into the mat with a double axehandle to the back of the head! Pop!] TD: Staley could have tagged out, but Claw didn't see him! SR: Looks to me like Claw didn't _want_ to see him, Dross. I wonder if Claw and Mota have something in the works? [Mota drags Staley out of the corner, and attempts a suplex, but Staley blocks the attempt, and hoists the cruiserweight up and plants him with a suplex of his own! Pop! Staley scrambles back to his corner once again, and this time, tags in Icehawk, who vaults over the ropes to get at Derek Mota! Staley steps out and begins cursing at Tiger Claw, but Claw just ignores the rookie, and watches the action in the ring.] TD: The Cruiserweight Champ is in the ring now, and he and Mota are going at it hammer and tongs! [Icehawk sprints across the ring at the prone Mota, and leaps into the air, connecting with a beautiful plancha dive as Mota starts to get up! Huge pop! The Finn quickly yanks up Mota and sends him to the ropes, dashing to the opposite side and leaping onto the second rope, flipping backwards towards the centre of the ring!] TD: Asai moonsault! [Mota, hawever, sees the move coming, and leaps into the air as Icehawk pinwheels towards him, and grabs the champ in mid-air, driving him nto the mat on the descent with a big Tombstone piledriver! Heel pop!] SR: [snorts] Amateur. [Mota quickly goes for a pin, and Alfonso drops for the count: 1 -- 2 -- kickout! Big pop! Mota keeps moving, jerking Icehawk up and heaving him into the air for a tilt-a-whirl suplex, but Icehawk manages to scissor Mota's head as he spins around, and drives the Canadian's head into the canvas with a snap Frankensteiner!] TD: Here's the cover... One... two... [Suddenly, Tiger Claw charges into the ring, and drives a blade foot into the back of Icehawk's head before Alfonso can make a three count! Instantly, Takezo Musashi is in the ring as well, and Claw and Musashi start brawling wildly in the middle of the ring!] TD: Tiger Claw coming to the aid of Derek Mota once again, and you may be right about a possible alliance between those two men, Steve. SR: Of course I'm right, moron. TD: Musashi and Tiger Claw are now exchanging chops to the chest... and here comes Icehawk! He is incensed! Icehawk rushing up behind Tiger Claw... and he is CUT DOWN with a clothesline from Derek Mota! Mota returning the favour for Tiger Claw, and now Mota and Icehawk are throwing fists! [Mota and Icehawk reel into the ropes, and spill out of the ring to the floor below, continuing to swing wildly at each other as Tiger Claw and Musashi rip at each other with vicious chops to the chest and throat, and then a lightning-quick spin kick from Claw sends the Enigma to the canvas! Pop!] TD: Mota and Icehawk are brawling up the aisle! Patrick and D'Amato can't get to them... good lord, they're heading for the exit! SR: Good riddance. Let 'em play on the freeway, for all I care! TD: Despite the fact that those two are the legal men in the ring at the moment, Alfonso seems content to let this one continue, and now we have the two martial arts masters, Claw and Musashi, going at it! [Claw vaults over Musashi from behind, grabbing the Enigma's head and snapping it back as he flies over! Pop! Musashi, however, is quickly back on is feet, and as Claw rushes at him, he sidesteps and drives a blade hand to Claw's throat, slaps on a facelock, and delivers a reverse crescent kick that rocks Claw's head back as he falls over backwards to the mat! The Enigma dashes to the corner, seats himself on the top buckle, and launches himself at Claw for a big splash, but Claw gets his legs up, winding Musashi as Claw's knees punch into his abdomen on impact! Pop!] TD: The pace of this match has not slowed one iota! What incredible action we have seen thus far! SR: Dross... what the hell is an "iota" anyway? TD: Well, it's... um... it's something very, very small. SR: Like Marty Warnett's p... TD: Please don't finish that sentence, Steve Roberts. Tiger Claw is back up, and he facelocks the Enigma, twisting him around... into a guillotine neckbreaker! Here's the cover... one... two... Musashi kicks out! Claw sends him into the ropes again... SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT FROM MUSASHI! What a move! Now the Enigma covers... one... two... and Tiger Claw just gets a shoulder up! [Musashi heads back to his corner, and tags in Rick Williams, who charges in and is swiftly met with a hard right hand to the abdomen from a rising Tiger Claw! Williams doubles over, and Claw takes advantage of his position to rock "To Excess" with a big jawbreaker before making his way to his own corner and tagging in big Serge Annis! Big pop for the Canadian as he steps over the ropes and squares off against Wiliams once again!] TD: Serge Annis back in the ring now and... wai a minute, I'm told we have pictures from the parking lot outside the Coliseum! Let's go to that footage! [Cut to an exterior shot of the Coliseum, where Icehawk and Derek Mota are still battling away at one another! The crowd pops in the Coliseum as the footage is shown on the video wall, showing Mota reeling into several steel garbage cans, and as Icehawk closes in, Mota lunges from the refuse and smashes the Finn across the face wit a steel garbage can lid! Big pop! Icehawk staggers back, and Mota charges, tackling the champ and sending both of them crashing over the hood of an Oldsmobile, cracking the car's windshield from the impact! Both wrestlers roll off the car on opposite sides, and as Mota scrambles around the side of the Olds, Icehawk leaps up onto the roof of the car, and moonsaults onto an unsuspecting Derek Mota, hammering him into the pavement! Incredible pop!] TD: Oh my goodness! Those two are going to kill each other out there! SR: Hey Dross... wasn't that your car? TD: No, I drive a... oh no... SR: You might want to call Triple-A after the show, buddy. TD: It couldn't have been mine... uh, back to the action in the ring... [Back in the ring, Annis and Williams are trading shots, and the smaller Williams manages to duck under an Annis hook, slip behind the big Canadian, and plant him with a back suplex! Williams dashes to the ropes, hoping to land a lariat on the rising Annis, but the "Lethal Protector" sees it coming, and nails Williams with a clothesline of his own! Big pop! Annis scoops up "To Excess", and sends him back into the twine, this time catching him around the waist on the rebound and tossing him over his head for a face-first fallaway slam! Annis goes back to the ropes, goes airborne on the rebound, and nails Williams with a double-knee drop to the small of Williams' back! Huge pop!] TD: Annis has asserted control of this match now, and he is looking awesome up there, Steve Roberts! Serge Annis has always been underrated as a technician in the IIWF, but he is pulling out some impressive moves tonight! SR: Wake me up when he has a Skullpump, Dross, 'cause without that, he's just another mark in the win column for the Fury. [Annis gores to the corner this time, and seats himself on the top buckle, waiting for Williams to rise. Williams shakes his head and looks toward his corner, and begins to crawl for a tag, but before he can get more than a couple of feet, Annis launches himself off the ropes and fells Williams with a flying axehandle to the back of the head! Big pop! The big Canadian scoops up Williams again, and sends him once more to the ropes as the crowd cheers wildly!] TD: Annis with another devastating lariat... NO! WILLIAMS WITH A CROSS BODY BLOCK! [Annis catches the desperate, diving body of Rick Williams flush in the chest, and the momentum drives him back on his heels, stumbling to the ropes... and over! Both men tumble outside the ring to the floor below!] TD: Rick Williams may have saved himself from defeat with that move, but now both men are outside... hold on, who's this? [The crowd roars as Steve Sampson bolts down the aisle towards the ring, and before D'Amato and Patrick can get hold of him, grabs a chair from ringside and begins going to work on Williams' right arm! Heel pop! Sampson gets in several clean shots with the chair, causing Williams to bellow in pain, and then he discards the chair and slaps a painful armbar on the damaged arm! Williams pounds the floor in agony, and Patrick and D'Amato try to pull Sampson off of Williams, but Sampson will not be moved, and he bears down on the arm as Williams tries desperately to break the hold!] TD: Sampson is trying to cripple Rick Williams! SR: Yeah, that could be a real setback to his career, couldn't it? TD: Please, Steve! Williams and Robert Donovan had words earlier tonight, after Williams' interference in the Sampson/Donovan vs. Gaines/Temple match, and Steve Sampson is looking for payback! No sign of Donovan, though... I wonder where he could have got to? SR: He's probably sleeping through this pitiful match, Dross, just like any sensible person who craves decent entertainment. [Sampson continues to bear down on the armbar, before the hold is suddenly broken by Serge Annis, who drive a hard right into the side of Sampson's head! Sampson rolls off Williams, and looks up at the imposing Annis, who shouts at Sampson to stay out of the match. Sampson responds by shoving Annis back, and then Sampson is felled from behind by a chair shot from Takezo Musashi, who has also come to Williams' aid! Sampson hits the deck, but manages to grab the chair he used against Williams, and swings it around, only to have it caught by the Deathbringer! Sampson freezes at the red-eyed glare of the big man, all the time that Deathbringer needs to lash out with a tree-trunk arm and sieze Sampson by the throat! Huge pop!] TD: Chokeslam from Deathbringer! And now the 'Bringer and Musashi are going to work on Sampson! Williams is still on the floor, holding his arm -- he may be seriously hurt! SR: And here comes Staley, Dross! Here we go! [As Deathbringer kicks away at the fallen Sampson, he is blindsided by Chris Staley, who goes low with a shoulderblock, taking the legs out from under the big man! Pop! Staley is on Deathbringer instantly, firing point-blank fists at the 'Bringer's head, while D'Amato and Patrick pull Sampson away from the fray and rush him up the aisle to the exit! Musashi turns to kick Staley off of his partner, but before he can take a step he is slammed backwards with a flying drop kick from Tiger Claw, who launched himself off the apron at the Canadian cruiser!] TD: Musashi and Claw are now going at it on the outside... Staley and the Deathbringer still trading blows... Annis tries to restore order, pulling Musashi and Claw apart... and Musashi drives a blade hand into Annis' throat! Serge Annis goes down! SR: I KNEW it! I was right, Dross! Becky owes me fifty bucks! TD: Not now, Steve! Williams is still down, trying to protect that injured arm... Deathbringer floors Staley with a short-arm clothesline... and good grief, here come Mota and Icehawk! [All eyes turn to the aisle entrance, as Derek Mota goes flying through the curtain, blood streaming from his nose, followed close behind by Icehawk, who has a nasty cut over his left eye. Both men look as if they'd been dragged up and down the freeway, but they continue to hammer away at one another, as Icehawk grabs Mota by the tights and the back of his head and drives him head-first into the steel barrier! Pop! Mota reaches for a chair as Icehawk closes in, and brings it around, striking the Finn in the knee! Icehawk stumbles, and Mota drives an uppercut under the champ's jaw, rocking his head back! Heel pop!] TD: Mota and Icehawk are battling back down to ringside, and now the bell has gone! This will surely be declared a no-contest! SR: Well, it never was a contest, Dross, but it's a hell of a lot more interesting now... [As Annis and Musashi trade blows, Tiger Claw looks on, trying to decide whether to attack the Enigma or just leave entirely when he is suddenly struck down from behind! ] TD: Joe Petrow is mixed up in this now, and he just blindsided Tiger Claw! [As the fights rage on all around him, Petrow, his hair teased impossibly high, stares down at the semiconscious Claw, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a single crimson glove, which he pulls onto his right hand. Petrow sneers down at the Syndicate member as he points a red-gloved finger down at Claw.] JP: No... _you're_ the cancer, you son of a bitch! [Petrow then turns and leaps over the barrier, leaving Tiger Claw on the floor as he disappears into the audience once again.] TD: Joe Petrow with a powerful message there for Tiger Claw... Staley swinging away at Deathbringer with a steel chair... Annis hits a BIG piledriver on Musashi on the concrete floor... Mota has Icehawk pinned under a crowd barrier as he kicks away at the Cruiserweight champ... and here come the Natural Predators! SR: Great -- Moose and Squirrel are here to save the day! [Big crowd pop as Bear and Grey Phoenix dash down to ringside, and Phoenix pulls Mota off of Icehawk and throws him right into Bear's clutches! The crowd cheers as Bear applies a crushing bearhug to the Canadian, and Mota gasps as the breath is literally squeezed out of him!] TD: This is chaos! We've got fights breaking out all over the place now! Here come the Down Boys! They're laying into the Predators, and Bear drops Mota as he is attacked by Peterson and Oliver! Mota is holding his ribs... Bear has Oliver in that bearhug now, as Peterson clotheslines Gray Phoenix to the floor... Deathbringer... Deathbringer hits the Burial on Chris Staley! Again! Spin kick from Musashi... caught by Serge Annis! Annis with a fireman's carry slam on the Enigma! SR: Jesus Marimba, now this is what I call a match! Except for that Staley guy, that is... and the dead boy too... and the Indonesian... okay, so it still sucks. TD: The Black Watch is coming down the aisle! Duncan and Andrew Macbeth are tearing into both the Down Boys and the Predators! Duncan Macbeth with a kamikaze splash on Bear and Oliver! Where the devil are the security? SR: Gaines and Temple! The Baddest Thangs Running are coming down! TD: Temple knocks down Duncan Macbeth from behind... Andrew slips Gaines' chairshot... DDT from Andrew Macbeth! Deathbringer is choking Chris Staley out on the floor! Musashi has Serge Annis draped across a barrier... plancha from Musashi onto Annis! Here come the Machines! Paul Wong and Simon O'Neal are... NO! Both men are cut down halfway down the aisle by the Fabulous Ones! SR: If this keeps up, we're gonna have the whole roster down here! TD: It's certainly looking that way, Steve, but we're almost out of... oh no. SR: It's the Fury! [The crowd goes absolutely berserk, and the familiar chant of "SKULL-PUMP! SKULL-PUMP! SKULL-PUMP!" starts up as Steve "The Fury" Kowalski appears at the head of the aisle, the IIWF World Title belt slung over his shoulder, but Kowalski makes no move to enter the huge brawl at ringside. Instead, he seems content just to observe the wild scene, paying particular attention to Serge Annis as he battles Takezo Musashi.] TD: Kowalski doesn't seem to be interested in joining the party, and in his fragile condition, that would seem to be wise. SR: Hey, the Fury didn't just fall off the turnip truck, Dross. If Sergie-pie wants to get the bejeezus beaten out of him before Birthday Bash, that just makes Kowalski's job a little bit easier. All the better to Skullpump you with, my pretty! TD: I'm not sure there's room at ringside for anyone else as it is, Steve! Folks, we've got a serious donnybrook going on here now, and it appears that it will be some time before security will be able to sort out this mess! Don't forget, our next broadcast from this building will be Birthday Bash, in just one week's time! Don't miss this spectacular event, featuring most of the athletes that are currently brawling at ringside right this moment! We are out of time, but be sure to call your local cable company or satellite provider, and order Birthday Bash today! Don't miss a second of the exciting action on the second anniversary of the birth of the greatest wrestling federation in existence, seven days from tonight! For my broadcast colleague, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts... SR: BIRTHDAY BASH! BUY IT, FOR [BLEEP]'S SAKE! TD: ...this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [Cut back to the chaos at ringside, where the battles raging are now almost too numerous to count: Deathbringer with his vicelike grip around Staley's throat... Annis and Musashi, firing away at each other... Icehawk and Grey Phoenix putting a beatdown on Derek Mota, and Phoenix suddenly felled from a spin kick from Tiger Claw... Claw, Mota and Icehawk brawling away... Oliver and Peterson double-teaming the massive Bear, who lashes out with a huge arm and sends Oliver sprawling... Andrew Macbeth and Gunnar Gaines, throwing bombs that would KO smaller men... Temple pounding Duncan Macbeth into the floor with a chair, and the young Scot firing a hook that catches Temple in the kidney, causing him to drop the chair and crumple to the concrete... the Machines and Fabulous Ones, halfway up the aisle, kicking and punching at one another... the JJS finally charging down the aisle, faced with the daunting task of bringing order to this wild scene... and above it all, IIWF Champion Steve "The Fury" Kowalski, looking on wearily, but the competitive fire still glinting in his eyes as the scene fades to black.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+