________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| | || | \ v v / | __| |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ___________ ______ ______ ____ ___ ___ | ___/| \ | ____\| ____\ F | \ | | | | _| |___| |> /_| |____| |___ _|_|\ \ | | | | \_ ___/| < \_ ___/\_ ___/ O \_____ \| | | | | | | |\ \ | | | | | | \ \ |____| |_____ | | | || | | |____| |____ R | | \ \_____/______/ |/ |/ | | |_____/|_____/ |/ \/ \| Saturday 16 May 1998 IIWF Coliseum, Portland, Oregon [The opening graphics fade through to an exterior shot of the IIWF Coliseum, the marquee bearing the logo of "Birthday Bash 1998" illuminated by two huge searchlights mounted on the purpose-built building, behind which in the evening light can be seen the imposing IIWF Tower, nerve centre of the world's number one wrestling organisation. Over these scenes comes the voice of Tim Dross:] TD: This is where it all began. This is where titles have been won and lost, where the great have triumphed, and the bad have foundered. [The camera trucks upwards towards the darkening sky above the Coliseum, as a volley of fireworks shoots up over the crowded Portland skyline.] TD: And tonight, this is where it will all happen again. [The shot fades through to reveal that the fireworks above the Coliseum are being relayed through to the interior of the arena on the huge jumbotron above the entranceway. The shot pulls out to reveal the capacity crowd, twenty thousand clamouring fans cheering as more fireworks erupt from either side of the jumbotron and streak up towards the rafters of the Coliseum, shrieking as they spray their trails of sparks onto the fans far below. Tim Dross' voice-over continues:] TD: This is the IIWF Coliseum, for two years the home of the finest wrestling action in the world, in front of the finest wrestling fans in the world! [Huge hometown pop from the fans! The shot pans down past row upon row of fans, finally coming to rest on the ringside enclosure. The camera pans past a number of announce tables -- the French announcers, the Japanese announcers, the Antiguan announcers -- and reaches its destination as the familiar duo of Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts come into view. Both men are decked out in their tuxedos, Steve Roberts sporting a gaudy bow-tie and waistcoat. He reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a red silk handkerchief, buffing Dross' bald head as the veteran announcer prepares to speak once more.] TD: Howdy, folks, and welcome to tonight's Free For All pre-show! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me, as always, is my broadcast colleague and tag team partner, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. SR: Don't forget, baby dolls: it's _always_ showtime in the Double Eye Double U F'n' F! TD: We're coming at you live and loud from the IIWF Coliseum in front of a capacity crowd of twenty thousand, who, in just thirty minutes, will witness a celebration of a kind never before seen in our sport. The IIWF is two years old, folks, and we're going to be celebrating in style right here tonight with a pay-per-view event that showcases the very finest in our great and noble sport. SR: But don't forget the tags, Dross. We've also got the tags. TD: Steve Roberts, the IIWF's tag team division is unparalleled in the world of professional wrestling. SR: Yeah? In that case, why are half of them leaving tonight? Not that I'm complaining, you understand. TD: Twelve great matches will come to you live from right here in downtown Portland, in the beautiful state of Oregon, over the next three hours -- plus we have a special outside broadcast unit in Emeryville, California, to bring you what is sure to be the most unique wrestling contest you have ever seen: the Meatman Challenge. SR: It's an eating contest, isn't it, Dross? The guy who manages to eat half a ton of raw steak mince first is the winner. TD: No, Steve Roberts, it's not an eating contest. Folks, we've sent Larry Morton down to Emeryville to bring us all the updates on this bizarre contest, and we'll try to get a word with him within the next thirty minutes. SR: Aw, enough of the preamble, Dross. We all know what the big story is here tonight: the end of Steve Kowalski's career. TD: Rumours of Steve Kowalski's demise have turned out to be greatly exaggerated, but certainly the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion is in anything but great shape as he heads into tonight's main event against the number one contender, the "Lethal Protector" Serge Annis. The intrigue factor going into this match is just off the page, folks: not only is there the all-important issue of the Fury's health, not only is there the remarkable change in outlook of the former "Epitome of Evil", Serge Annis... but there is a special guest referee for this one, folks. SR: And I know who it is, Dross. TD: You do not, Steve Roberts. SR: Sure I do. TD: Well, in that case, don't leave us all in the dark... whoa! SR: You spoke to soon, Dross! [The lights begin to dim... at the same time the music begins to play... a mournful, desperate tune... a dirge... the Death March.] TD: That's... that's Shadoe Rage's music! He's not supposed to be out here! [As the song swells in crescendo the single purple spotlight shines on the rampway as the curtains part. Six figures emerge, swaddled in black sackcloth robes, carrying candles and incense. The sweet smoke trails throughout the arena. The small flickering flames are still powerful in the overwhelming darkness. The six mysterious figures walk slowly to the ring, climbing into it and kneeling in prayer. Explosions burst overhead, distracting the eye. There is a burst of smoke from the centre of the ring and the lights go black, the candles blown out. When they come back on, Shadoe Rage stands in their midst. The Disciples cheer wildly for the return of the Black Jesus.] SR: I have come here today not as a gladiator to fret and strut my hour upon the stage. I have come here today not as a warrior at all, but as a saviour... as a man keenly in tune with tragedy... and ladies and gentlemen... tonight shall be tragedy. I beg of you, bow your heads with me tonight. I can feel the sorrow in the air. Tonight, some terrible ill shall befall one of the mighty IIWF greats and we shall all realise once and for all finality that this is not a game, this is life. This is the _real_ world! Bow your heads with the Black Jesus. [The crowd is strangely silent. Yet they obey Shadoe Rage without question.] SR: Oh mighty divinities, who control our hands and our fates... say this with me, people. [As he speaks the crowd begins to repeat every word.] SR: Mighty Divinities... we pray for your blessing tonight. There are many among us who are sick, injured and suffering the kind of pain only beasts endure before succumbing. But Divinities, we are no beasts of burden. We are no mere chattels to be bartered, worked and driven into the ground. We are the greatest performers on this Earth! Your emissary, I, the Angel of Death, and all my disciples who attend me. We ask you this once, please. Please, ensure that all who participate in this event shall reach home safely and securely... amen. CROWD: Amen. [With the prayer complete, Shadoe Rage leads his procession away from the ring. The lights come up and the carnage is set to begin.] TD: I'm speechless, Steve Roberts. A prayer from Shadoe Rage to kick things off here tonight! SR: Like he says, Dross, it's in the air. You can almost smell it. Guys are gonna get hurt here tonight -- and none more seriously than Steve Kowalski. TD: Folks, we'll talk a great deal more about all the action set to come your way over the next three hours, but right now, as we continue to count down to Birthday Bash, we have an opportunity to watch two great teams in action! SR: Teri Hatcher and Cherize Thierson? TD: Before we get to the big show we also have interviews with two of the most controversial figures in the IIWF. SR: Ian Jalbert and the Duck Saviour? TD: Order now or you won't be able to see the main event pitting Steve "the Fury" Kowalski fighting Serge Annis! SR: No, don't order! When that cool chick from Species is announced as the guest referee... it will all be downhill from there! TD: Natasha Henstridge will _not_ be the special referee! SR: Ashley Judd? TD: No. SR: Marilyn Monroe? TD: She's dead! SR: Who better than to preside over the end of the last great man in the sport of wrestling? Oh, the humanity! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|................................................... | || | \ v v / | __| The Benjamins vs. True European Excellence |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|..................................................... WRITER: Rusty Priske [Sparkplug Lee stand up in the ring with a huge grin on his face.] SL: Welcome to IIWF Birthday Bash! [Huge pop from the excited crowd.] SL: Are you ready? [Bigger pop.] SL: Portland, Oregan...are...you...readddddddddy? [The roof is removed...figuratively...from the Coliseum. Sparkplug starts wandering around the ring, so he can address all sides of the Coliseum.] SL: For the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world... [Sparkplug has clearly hooked his leg on a camera cable from the crew in the ring getting close-ups. He doesn't seem to notice the problem.] SL: IIWF fans! Let's get ready to...ooof! [Getting thoroughly tangled, Lee comes crashing to the mat.] SR: [over headset] Stummmmmbllllllllle! [Huge uproarious pop as the fans have a good laugh at the hapless ring announcer's expense. Lee manages to get back to his feet but dispenses with the unoriginal entrance hoopla.] SL: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and it has a fifteen-minute time limit! Introducing first...hailing from Grand Rapids, Minnesota...and weighing in at a combined 515 pounds...Joe Benjamin...Bobby Benjamin...the Benjamins! [Puff Daddy's "It's All About The Benjamins" blasts through the sound system and the crowd answers back with a huge pop. The two rookies stride through the entrance way wearing matching Minnesota Timberwolves jackets and waving large flags. Joe carries and American flag and Bobby wields one with an IIWF logo on it.] SR: What suck-ups! We are a mere three hours away from the worst travesty in the history of our sport and these two are trying to get in good with the boss! TD: The fans just love these two plucky guys from Minnesota! If they come out on top tonight, people are going to have to stop calling it an upset! SR: I know I'll be upset! [Bobby Benjamin pulls out a mic on the way to the ring.] BB: Hey Double-Eye fans, how're you doin'? Y'know, you guys are the lucky people to be here at the greatest event in the world today -- Birthday Bash, 1998-style! Get ready for some action! [The crowd pops as they approach ringside. Bobby stops in front of a bank of fans.] BB: What's it like being at the greatest pay-per-view ever? Fan1: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Fan2: Fury! Yeah! Fan3: Bring on the Black Watch! [Then, they run to the ring, sliding under the bottom ropes and when they get in, Joe takes the mic.] JB: Are you ready to see d'Artois and Magnusson get a butt-kicking?! [He puts his hand to his ear as the crowd responds with a huge pop.] JB: Yeah! Well, bring 'em on!! SR: You may live to regret that! SL: And team number two...hailing from Orleans, France and Bonn, Germany respectively...weighing in at a combined 542 pounds...Robert d'Artois...Reiner Ver Magnusson...True European Excellence! [Pachelbel's Canon plays as the two Europeans step into view. The crowd unleashes an avalanche of invective at them as they head down the aisle.] TD: The fans have taken an instant dislike to this cocky duo. SR: Well, the feeling is mutual! Sure Magnusson is no Verhoeven and d'Artois is no Pepe le Pew...and sure they are tag wrestlers and therefore suck...but these guys aren't too bad! TD: They have yet to win a match here in the IIWF... SR: They have won the moral victories! [Up in the ring, Chuck Sanders calls for the bell and Bobby Benjamin and Reiner Ver Magnusson climb through the ropes to the ring apron. Joe Benjamin takes one look at d'Artois and waves him off. He then points to Magnusson in an unmistakable challenge.] TD: Joe wants to face off against the bigger man! SR: He's just afraid that d'Artois will run him silly...and he's right! Of course Magnusson can do it as well! [The crowd urges on the match-up and d'Artois, with a small chuckle reaches over and tags the big German.] TD: Magnusson steps into the ring and Joe Benjamin has his hands raised! He's looking for a test of strength! SR: Say bye bye, Benji! [This words seem prophetic as the two men lock-up and Reiner seems to gain an instant advantage. He forces the taller man down, despite the added leverage from Joe, and he gets him down to nearly one knee. Bobby Benjamin calls out encouragement and starts stomping his foot on the apron and clapping. The crowd quickly follows suit.] TD: This crowd is solidly behind the Benjamins here tonight! SR: Hey, the T-Wolves did better in the playoffs than the Trailblazers did! Of course it's still going to be da Bulls in the end...just like it will still be the Europeans when this is over. TD: The extra motivation from the crowd is doing the trick! Joe is regaining the advantage and forcing the shorter Magnusson down! [Robert d'Artois darts his head through the ropes just long enough to bring Chuck Sanders over to shoo him out.] TD: Reiner Ver Magnusson with a low blow! His partner had the ref distracted and he buried a knee into Joe Benjamin's tender area! SR: His head? [The German takes quick advantage of the stricken man by scooping him up and dropping him right back down with a thunderous Powerslam!] TD: Illegal tactics by the Europeans have given them the early edge! SR: That's experience, Drossie! If these Minnesota morons live to get any they might be good too! I doubt it though. [Magnusson picks up Joe in a bearhug and foces him into the corner. While he grinds on the pressure, d'Artois reaches over and tags himself in. Reiner then puts big Joe over in a big Belly to Belly Suplex. Then both Europeans are on him with kicks to the head and back. Bobby Benjamin hits the ring like a shot.] TD: Bobby has seen enough and...he's intercepted by Chuck Sanders! The crowd doesn't like this one bit as d'Artois and Magnusson are able to continue their double teaming unchecked! SR: They just don't grow them too bright over in Grand Rapids! [As Sanders turns back around, Magnusson leaves the ring. Robert hovers around the fallen Joe before dropping and slapping on an STF.] SR: Let's hear big Hoss cry like a baby! TD: This has got to be an excruciating hold for Joe Benjamin, but even in his weakened state he is able to fight off the pain! [d'Artois pulls back even harder as the agony is apparent on Joe Benjamin. It is clear however that the win isn't coming right here so he lets go and throws Joe into his corner. He then turns to talk to Chuck Sanders about some imagined problem and...] TD: Magnusson has got a chokehold on Joe Benjamin! He's got some excess tape and his choking the life right out of him! SR: And just like clockwork, Bobby hits the ring and Sanders has to get him out! Robert just nailed big Benjamin with a dropkick! Classic double-teaming! TD: Chuck Sanders has got to get some control! SR: No it's little Bobby who has to get some control. This is all his fault! [d'Artois pulls Joe back out of the corner and sits down on him with a Camel Clutch, though with the added bonus off a double eye gouge.] TD: Here comes Bobby again and once again his rookie emotion is hurting his brother as it takes the ref away from the action. No tag! [Magnusson walks into the ring and picks up Joe and Robert take shis place on the apron. When Sanders turns around and questions the exchange, d'Artois assures him it was legit.] SR: If you didn't see it...it didn't happen! [Magnusson picks up Joe and drops him over his knee in a backbreaker. The crowd groans audibly.] TD: Joe Benjamin hasn't been able to get anything together in this match! Magnusson whips him into the ropes...Running Clothesline...Joe ducks it! He lunges for the tag...Bobby Benjamin is in! [Bobby hits the ring on fire, ready to take on all comers, but Reiner leaves the ring just as fast. His partner joins him on the floor. Quickly their seeming safety is shattered by the body of a flying Bobby Benjamin as he does a plancha onto the two of them, leaving all three mean in a heap on the floor.] SR: That little punk just landed in no-man's land! TD: Not quite, Steve Roberts! He has rolled Magnusson back in the ring and is taking over this match! [Bobby hits the ropes and hits an amazing spinning heel kick on the bigger man. Big crowd pop.] TD: Did you see the elevation on that move! SR: So what? Reiner is still standing! TD: Not for long! [Dross is right on as Bobby follows up with a running superkick which sends Magnusson crashing to the mat. Bigger crowd pop.] TD: He's going up top! A 450 Degree Splash! What an amazing move! I'm surprised Magnusson is still moving! [The crowd gets a momentary thrill as Sanders counts but, alas, only to two. Bobby reaches over and tags the recovering Joe who also climbs the ropes.] SR: What's this big freak doing? TD: A high risk move by big Joe Benjamin...flying forearm right on the button! [The crowd clearly enjoys the fast paced style of the Benjamins, but d'Artois on the apron seems less enthused. Joe tags Bobby back in. The smaller man hits the ring ropes, only to find d'Artois knee in his back, accompanied by a large heel pop.] TD: Robert d'Artois is trying to stop the momentum of the Benjamins, who are looking better than we have ever seen them! SR: Robert has tagged in and now he's going to... oh no! TD: A quick roll-up by Bobby...but only a two! The fans thought it was over there! [Bobby tags out to Joe who moves swiftly to d'Artois before he can recover.] TD: An amazing spinebuster slam by Joe Benajmin! I think Joe is calling for the North Star Nailer! We haven't seen it yet but apparently it is quite spectacular! [Joe takes Robert to his own corner and puts him in an inverted facelock.] TD: He's tagging Bobby, who's going up to the top rope! What's going to happen now? SR: Nothing good, I can assure you. [Joe then lifts Robert by his tights and releases.] TD: d'Artois brought slamming down to the mat. Here comes Bobby... it's another 450... no! SR: Yes! [As Bobby Benjamin comes off the top rope with a 450 Degree Splash, Reiner Ver Magnusson had been moving around the ring apron. At the right moment he shoves Joe Benjamin from over the ropes and the big rookie takes a step and a half forward...right into the path of his brother. Both men go crashing down, taking out Chuck Sanders with them and landing on Robert d'Artois as well. Magnusson goes through the ropes as the Benjamins try to recover and...] SR: Double homerun! TD: Reiner Ver Magnusson has just hit a low blow on both Benajamins! He pushes Joe out of the ring...drags Robert on top of Bobby... SR: Sanders sees the cover! [The three-count is academic and the crowd gives a booming heel pop as Sanders raises the arms of the Europeans.] SL: The winners of this bout... as a result of a pinfall... True... European... Excellence! TD: A travesty has occurred her tonight! SR: Suck it up Dross! Be like the Benjamins and head down the aisle with your tail between your legs because Frenchy wants a mic! [Robert d'Artois gets ahold of a mic after the rookie shave left the ring. He and Magnusson have very cocky grins on their faces. As he speaks the crowd boos lustily.] RdA: Well, haven't you just seen a fair victory for Reiner and me? That's our new debut, we start for the second time, and right now, we are 1-0-0. The losing streak is finished, and we are on a paved way to the top! [The crowd continues to boo as the two men leave the ring with their arms raised in victory.] TD: It looks like True European Excellence finally have an actual win to go with all the ones they claim to have! We'll be right back with a very special interview after this brief message from our merchandise department. [A picture of a fan holding aloft a "Ms. Miki fears Brenda" sign] VO: They speak for an entire class... [Another picture of an adolescent hoisting a sign which reads "Wouldn't you like to be a Sychopath too?"] Messages of support... [A young blonde woman with one that reads "Marry Me Marty!"] Messages of love... [Two young tykes help each other with "Garcia Sucks!"] Messages of hate... [Another: "Sparkplug 4-Life!"] Messages of God-knows-what... Relive the expression... Order yours today! Authentic signs left by the greatest wrestling fans on the planet! Order one of your limited edition IIWF Fan Signs today for only $9! Warning: Do not ingest or place signs in mouth. In case of paper cut, seek immediate medical treatment. Call 1-800-GET-IIWF today! All proceeds go to the Simon Bratt Scholarship Fund. [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: Don't forget, folks, for the full range of IIWF merchandise, simply call our 1-800 number right now and ask for the latest catalogue. SR: Shill, Dross, shill! TD: We'd like to take you now to a special interview I conducted earlier today with none other than the "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner! SR: Cheesecake? What does he want? TD: Well, Turner's recent revelation that he is, in fact, gay has made some waves in certain circles. Before we go to the interview, let's see what some of our fans had to think. [The shot cuts to footage captioned, "Earlier This Evening." Outside the IIWF Coliseum, fans line up to get in. Dave Bacon is outside with a mic and being followed by a portable camera. He stands in front of a couple of rowdy looking fans.] DB: What do you think of the recent revelation by "Rocket Man" Timothy N. Turner that he is gay? Fan 1: The guy is a stupid fag! Fan 2: Right! Go home fag! [Cut to a slightly more mature fan.] Fan 3: I was impressed by the courage shown by Turner. Anyone who has the fortitude to stand up and admit something like that should be proud of himself. [Cut to a couple of slightly inebriated fans.] Fan 4: Hey, if my man Duncan Macbeth says he's okay...he's okay! Fan 5: Yeah! Black Watch rules man! [Cut to a youngish fan.] Fan 6: That [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP] can just go [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]! DB: There certainly are varying opinions on this issue! Back to you at ringside, gentlemen. [The shot switches back to Tim Dross and Steve Roberts at ringside.] TD: That's an understatement! It seems our fans are either impressed with his courage or disgusted by his persuasion! SR: We all knew he was a little... flimsy... so why couldn't he just keep quiet about it? TD: That's one of the questions I asked him in our interview earlier. Let's take a look at that now. [Cut to footage captioned, "This Afternoon." The shot cuts to an empty IIWF Coliseum. The only people present are Timothy Turner and Tim Dross as they sit in a couple of the arena seats part way up the side.] TD: I'm here with Timothy Turner on the morning before Birthday Bash. First off, I would like to thank you for doing this interview, Timothy. TNT: No, let me thank you. There is nobody I would rather have do this interview than you. Earlier this year you were kind enough to host the documentary that was filmed for Wrestlevision on the NorthPac Coalition, so here is your chance to get the part of the story that was left out. TD: For anyone who might have missed it...last week on IIWF Saturday Night, before your semi-final match-up in the Intercontinental Tournament against Simon Lebec, you revealed tot he world that you were gay. TNT: That is correct. TD: The first question has to be...why? TNT: Why did I do it or why am I gay? The latter is a lot harder to answer, quite frankly. TD: Let's stick with the announcement. TNT: Okay. There comes a point in everyone's life where they have to make decisions. Mine was a simple choice but a hard decision. Should I continue living a lie or should I drop all pretences and stand up for who I am. TD: So, no one knew you were gay? TNT: No, not at all. My friends knew. My family knew. There have always been people who can handle such things...the Macbeths for example. Sure it turns out that they attacked me at Ring Wars but up until that point they never hassled me about being gay. As long as I kicked the right asses I was okay with them. TD: I take it there were people who didn't support your choice. TNT: First off, I disagree with your use of the word choice but sticking to the topic...yeah. In the documentary we talked about the split between Tom and myself a long time ago. There was a reason I left home young, and this is it. Our old man couldn't stand the idea of having a queer son and Tom took his side. I thought we had put all that behind us but... TD: What about the other wrestlers? TNT: Do you mean are any of the others gay? TD: [quickly] No! I mean... TNT: Don't worry, Drossie. I'm not here to air anyone's dirty laundry but my own. I assume you meant did any of the other wrestlers know before I told them? No. Some of them may have figured it out...I mean there were enough hints if you knew where to look. I only told people I could really trust. TD: What about Derek Mota? You seemed to be friends for a while. TNT: [his face darkens] No. Derek never got close enough to me to earn that trust. That was why you never saw him at my Christmas party. I didn't want to have to spend the holidays watching what I said so as to not give away my secret. But Derek... [he shakes his head] TD: There seems to be some unresolved issues between the two of you. TNT: You have no idea. You asked me earlier why I came out. The reason was true but you never asked what prompted me. Last week I mentioned someone named Kevin. Some time ago I started getting fan letters from this kid. Kevin isn't his real name but he has his secrets and I'm not about to spill them. Anyway, Kevin could tell right away that I was gay. Some people call it gaydar. I don't know...but anyway, he was really happy that there was someone he could look up to...a role model. Someone who could show him that he wasn't just a freak. Then the letters stopped. A couple of weeks ago I got one more. It seems that this kid had seen the video that Derek Mota and some cameraman made. They broke into my chalet and filmed myself and Victoria Von Edward sleeping in bed. This kid figured I had been lying to him all along and he... [Turner leans forward, bracing his forehead with his hand.] TD: What did he do? TNT: He tried to kill himself. Thank goodness he failed and now he can know the truth. TD: So why were you in bed with Victoria? TNT: We're friends. We hang out together. Basically we can sleep together because she knows I won't try anything. [He grins briefly] She's not my type. So anyway, I learned how important it was for everyone to have role models. Everyone. TD: So that's how you decided...but you seem to have a little hostility towards Derek Mota. TNT: He has caused more damage...think back. It was also that incident that got Victoria fired from her job on Countdown. Sure, Rusty said it was because she walked off the set but she was told behind the scenes it was because of her lack of impartiality. TD: Well, she was a bit of a one-woman cheerleader squad. TNT: That's nothing compared to what happened to Kevin. This kid could have died because Mota was irresponsible. After Birthday Bash...whether he beats Icehawk or not...and I don't think he can...I want Mota in the ring. TD: We'll have to wait and see what comes of that. Of course, he is in the Coalition... but the first Coalition in the IIWF was the NorthPac Coalition with you, your brother, and Akira Saito. TNT: Well, I'm not so sure I have that support anymore. Tom doesn't like to be reminded that I'm not the perfect little son that he is. As for Akira, he's a good guy but Tom is his partner... he has to keep his distance for the good of the team. I'm reminded of a line from the movie "Full Metal Jacket": "It looks like you're all out of friends." That's me in the IIWF. The only person to stand up for me after last week was Duncan... and he still deserves to get thrashed by Tom and Akira. TD: What's it like in the back now? TNT: Just like Tom said. No one will have anything to do with me. Everyone is so afraid of being implicated that they keep their distance. It wasn't so long ago that Icehawk named me number one contender for his title. No he looks the other way when he walks past. I have become the biggest pariah in the IIWF. TD: Any regrets? TNT: Only that I didn't do it sooner. TD: Thanks again for taking this time. TNT: It was my pleasure. I'm looking forward to Birthday Bash tonight. [Fade back to Tim and Steve at ringside.] SR: That was certainly a... penetrating interview, Dross. TD: Will you stop, Steve Roberts?! Timothy N. Turner has proven himself to be an extremely thoughtful, courageous athlete, and regardless of your own opinion concerning homosexuality, he is a man who truly deserves our support. SR: No, Dross. Steve Kowalski is a _man_ who deserves our support. Not some damned limp-wristed goon like Turner. TD: Folks, I apologise for the comments of my broadcast colleague. Let's switch gears and talk about some of the incredible matches we're set to see on tonight's extravaganza. All of the IIWF's championships are on the line. Team Sychosys will be defending their IIWF World Tag Team Championships against the Prophets of Rage, while Cruiserweight Champion Icehawk will be facing off against a former champion in the form of a resurgent Derek Mota. Plus the tournament to crown a new Intercontinental Champion comes to a head as two age-old enemies, Marty Warnett and Simon Lebec, square off one-on-one. We'll also see another crowning here tonight, as the "King of the Cruisers" tournament reaches its conclusion: "Iconoclast" Sean Watts battles Big Greggy Cool in an eagerly-awaited light heavyweight bout. SR: Eagerly-awaited by whom? TD: Come now, Steve Roberts. You can't fail to have been impressed by the tremendous action we've seen courtesy of the King of the Cruisers tournament over the past six weeks. SR: Sure I can. Just watch. TD: Major scores will also be settled later on tonight. Perhaps the stakes are nowhere higher than in the "Loser Leaves Town" match between the Fabulous Ones and the Machines. This one is so wild, even a steel cage might not be enough to contain their rage. Let's take a look at everything that has transpired between these two teams. [Cut to a pre-recorded video package. A gorgeous oriental woman is standing in front of the IIWF entrance-way while four team match is happening in the ring.] WOMAN: Konwaba, fans of the IIWF. I am Ms. Miki. [The men in the crowd cheer very loudly as the wrestlers in the ring stop wrestling and stare on in bewilderment.] MM: I have come from the land of the rising sun to bring you the most fabulous tag team ever to step into the squared circle. Here are every tag team's worst nightmare, and every woman's dream, "THE UNIVERSAL HEARTTHROB" AGITO NAKAJIMA and "SWEET" SHO SATSUMA... THE FABULOUS ONES! [As the Fabulous Ones emerge to a mixed pop, the soundtrack fades, to be replaced by the voice-over of Dave Bacon:] VO: It started in late November when the Fabulous Ones made their startling debut in the IIWF. Their arrival was prompted by a rash moment in another organisation. [Footage of the Lovely Bertha, AEWA commentator, interviewing the Machines after they won the AEWA tag titles. Suddenly, Simon O'Neal grabs Bertha and gives her a big kiss. She gets angry and storms off, ending the interview.] VO: After some time had passed, Bertha and Simon became an item. [The footage changes to the beginning of a match to unify the AEWA National tag titles with the World tag titles. In the ring the Machines and the Assassins prepare for battle. However, the referee is thoroughly checking Simon O'Neal for any foreign objects.] VO: Simon is the cream of the crop in the tag team ranks for his masterful way of cheating. [As soon as the referee finished checking Simon, Bertha got in the ring and gave him a good luck kiss, sliding something into the turnbuckle. The footage changes to later in the match, Simon is repeatedly slamming the Assassins head into that loaded turnbuckle, until the opponent passes out and the Machines get the pin. The footage changes to a slow motion shot of a steel plate falling from the turnbuckle to the mat.] VO: After aiding the Machines in their attempt to unify the tag titles, the inevitable happened. [Footage of Bertha finding Simon with two airline stewardesses in the back room of the plane. It was NOT a pleasant flight. Their breakup was... violent.] VO: Eventually, the Lovely Bertha rebounded and found love in the arms of one half of the Fabulous Ones, "Sweet" Sho Satsuma. [Slow motion footage of the Fabulous Ones and the Machines running out of the crowd and down the aisleway, interfering in each others' matches, forcing each team to lose a series of contests.] VO: Spurred on by jealousy and envy, the two teams were at each other's throats even when they weren't in the ring. Then, the seduction of Paul Wong began. The vivacious Ms. Miki started showing up at matches when the Machines were wrestling. For the entire history of the Machines it had been a love-hate relationship between the two members, Simon O'Neal and Paul Wong. They were exact opposites. Paul was the fair, even-handed one, Simon the down and dirty cheater extraordinaire. This combination, however strained by their differences, was considered by many the best tag team in and around the IIWF. [Footage captioned, "IIWF Snow Brawl: 17 January 1998." The Fabulous Ones and the Machines are going at it. After the Fabulous Ones score the victory, Agito and Sho brutally double-team Simon O'Neal... while Paul Wong merely stands watching. Wong finally enters the ring, grabbing Agito by the shoulder and pulling him off, soon doing the same to Sho. They look at him venomously as he tensely speaks... the words are caught by the mic:] PW: That's enough... you won. Let it go. [Wong looks down at his partner.] PW: I'm sorry, Simon... TD: The Fabs leaving the ring... the fans not sure what to make of this -- half of them cheering, half booing -- and Paul Wong with them! SR: Oh, no, don't tell me he did this over a dame... [The Fabs walk up the aisle, laughing, as Paul Wong, moonstruck, walks back arm in arm with Ms. Miki.] VO: After the shock of the turn by the love-struck Paul Wong, Simon O'Neal kissed him off and moved onto the singles competition in the cruiserweight division. The Fabs had succeeded in getting revenge for Bertha. Until... [Footage captioned, "IIWF Saturday Night: 6 February 1998." In the ring the Fabulous Ones, Ms. Miki, Mr. Tsuburaya, and the Lovely Bertha are standing with Paul Wong. They gave him a gift to welcome him into the Daimyo. Paul then opens up the package. With a look of bewilderment he stares in the box. Then, looks up at Ms. Miki like a deer caught in headlights. He stares for a few seconds, then drops the box to the mat. The box bounces off the mat and the contents spill out.] PW: Guys... I don't understand... TD: [over the headset] It's that '79 Rock'em Sock'em remote control doll the Fabs destroyed during an interview about bringing down the Machines. Oh my! [Huge heel pop as Sho suddenly attacks Wong from behind!] SR: [over the headset] DAMN! That had to hurt. [While Paul was staring at Ms. Miki, Sho snuck up from behind and double axe handled the back of Paul's head, sending him to the mat. Bertha grabs the microphone.] LB: Finish him off. That's what you get for being associated with Simon O'Neal. [Sho kicks the stunned Wong in the side. Then, Agito grabs him by the head and lifts him to his feet. Paul doesn't even struggle. He looks at Ms. Miki with puppy dog eyes. The microphone picks up some of what Ms. Miki's saying.] MM: What wer... you thinki... I'm a married woman... what an idio... [Fast forward... Ms. Miki slaps the helpless Wong, the crack resounding around the Delta Center. Big mixed pop!] SS: Where's your friend now? You should have stayed loyal, you dolt! [As the assault continues, so too does the voice-over:] VO: The tables had been turned, and for a month or so, the Machines were no more. Paul Wong was lost in a river of doubts and asking for a second chance from his old partner Simon O'Neal, which he was given. The Machines were back... and Paul Wong was a changed man. [Footage captioned "IIWF Saturday Night, 14 March 1998". Harlequin Terror pulls Ms. Miki out to the ring where the Machines stand giving an interview. They're bribing Terror by threatening to destroy his chainsaw, Binky. Simon O'Neal handcuffs her to the ring ropes. Simon turns and faces the terrified Ms. Miki, who has managed to sit up in the ring. Paul looks at her with an odd expression on his face.] SO: Hiya, Mik! Remember us? We're the team that you broke apart. Well, guess what? [He walks over, bends down, and smirks right into her face.] SO: We're back... and we're not too happy. [He tosses some keys to Paul.] SO: Paul, here. It's the keys to her handcuffs. I know how much pain she caused you, and as much as I want to slap her across the face...I figure you've earned the right. [He steps back.] SO: Go ahead, Paulie. Smack her. Lord knows she deserves it. [Paul steps forward, picks up Ms. Miki with one hands, and gets her to a standing position. The crowd is booing heavily. He turns towards Simon, who is pantomiming a hard slap. He reaches back with his right hand... Miki closes her eyes and turns her face.... He drops his hand.] PW: I can't do it. I can't slap Miki. Sorry, Simon. [Simon is screaming protests as Paul unlocks the handcuffs of Miki, but Paul doesn't even look at him as he continues.] PW: Miki hurt me badly, Simon, but slapping her isn't going to help. [Simon just shakes his head as the handcuffs drop from Miki. Paul heads over and holds open the ropes.] TD: Well, that disaster was averted. SR: I've said since the beginning that Simon should have just dumped his wimp of a par... [Huge heel pop!] TD: PAUL WONG CLOTHESLINED MS. MIKI! [Miki does a 360 degree flip as Paul suddenly charges at her and nails her with a clothesline. Simon's expression changes from disgust... to shock... to a satisfied smirk. Paul picks up the microphone again.] PW: A simple goddamn slap just wasn't enough! This... bitch broke my heart and made me betray my best friend. You're going to hell, Miki. And I'm taking you there... NOW! [Miki, clutching her neck and in immense pain, tries to crawl along the mat and leave the ring. Paul picks Miki up and smacks her across the back of her head... then doubles her over and picks her up in a powerbomb position.] TD: Oh my god, he's going to powerbomb Miki! [The shot freezes and the colour drains away as the voice-over continues:] VO: Ms. Miki escaped her fate. But from that point on, no more punches would be pulled. [Cut to footage captioned "IIWF Ring Wars 5: 21 March 1998". The Fabulous Ones and the Machines brawl in the parking lot. Sho Satsuma is seen in the driver's seat of a forklift truck and is rolling at Paul Wong's BMW. Paul hesitantly dodges out of the way as the prongs of the forklift crash through the side of the car. The windows explode as the once clean BMW rocks to one side. The forklift starts to rise up, bringing the car off the ground. Cut to footage captioned, "Later that night". The scene is a dark room. The boiler has many huge pipes and a scaffolding set-up. Apparently, it's being used to clean the room. The lighting is very dim, but there's just enough to make out the people who are battling: Sho Satsuma is slamming Paul Wong's head against one of the pipes. *WHAM!* Paul with a pipe nails an unsuspecting Agito in the upper shoulder area of the back, just below the neck of the Universal Heartthrob. Agito drops to the floor in a heap. Paul has the limp body of the Universal Heartthrob over his shoulder and slings Agito's unconscious body onto the platform of the fifteen foot high scaffolding. Paul places Agito into a piledriver position. At this point Simon, drenched in blood, pulls himself unsteadily back to his feet. He points at Bertha.] SO: You... [gasp]... and that other tramp Miki... [wheeze]... can go and... [He falls forwards and lands on Bertha. Both fall to the floor hard. On top of the scaffolding, he yells, "Tell Miki this is for her!", and powerbombs Agito on the top of the scaffolding -- but scaffolding gives way, wood and metal shattering apart, and both the unconscious Agito and Paul Wong crash down fifteen feet to the floor.] VO: The feud got so hot that The Fabulous Ones weren't the only ones angry with Paul Wong over the incident. In came the Kabuki Kid, Ms. Miki's husband. The two went at it in two matches that took place in the CIWF and the SJPW. The CIWF was the site of the first battle for the honour of Ms. Miki. The Machines agreed to the match only if stipulations were put in place that barred any member of the Daimyo from coming to ringside. However, Simon O'Neal was allowed to stay. [Cut to footage captioned, "Courtesy of the CIWF: 13 April 1998" Standing in the aisleway with the huge Jack Banks, Ms. Miki's new bodyguard, Simon O'Neal helps a security guard attempt to handcuff him. Suddenly, Banks nails Simon right between the eyes with a jab. Simon falls backwards, as Banks pushes Mr. Haito out of the way. Paul is livid and is yelling at Ms. Miki. Cut to later in the match. The Kabuki Kid tries to move but is tired and gets nailed by the gloved hand of O'Neal. The Kabuki Kid goes down like a shot. Simon quickly drags Wong on top of The Kid, then goes over and shakes the referee. As Bob Miller slowly gets to his feet, Simon dives out of the ring, screaming at the referee to make the cover. Miller takes two steps and makes the count: one, two, three. The shot freezes as the fans pelt the ring with garbage, outraged at the manner of the conclusion.] VO: Japan was the next battleground. [Cut to footage captioned, "Courtesy of SJPW: 19 April 1998." The crowd roars as the Kabuki Kid nails his finisher perfectly. Ms. Miki rolls the referee back into the ring for the count as The Kabuki Kid hooks Paul Wong's leg... 1 -- 2 -- 3!] VO: However, the Machines would once again get the last laugh. [From the outside of the ring, Simon O'Neal slowly gets to his feet, and sees the referee raise the arm of The Kabuki Kid. O'Neal slithers into the ring and raises his loaded glove... The Kabuki Kid turns around, and blows a bright red mist into the eyes of O'Neal. The crowd cheers in louder than before. O'Neal hits the mat and covers his eyes, yelling in pain. The Kabuki Kid turns around and points to O'Neal, while Ms. Miki nods her head. He starts to grab the glove of Simon O'Neal, and tries to take it off, when Paul Wong steps behind The Kid. Ms. Miki yells, but it is too late, and Paul Wong catches The Kid with a low blow. The Kid is doubled over, and Wong plants him with another powerbomb. Paul Wong checks on his partner, then stands up. He kicks The Kid once... then stares at Ms. Miki with a look of pure hatred that had never been seen on his face. The Fabulous Ones head down the aisle, followed by "The Samurai" Kensei Tokugawa and the Dark Dragon. Paul Wong grabs the arm of O'Neal and pulls him out of the ring, away from the incoming Daimyo. As all four wrestlers enter the ring to check out their Daimyo mate, Paul Wong and Simon O'Neal head out. Wong grabs a microphone, turns around, and faces the ring.] PW: This isn't over, Miki. Simon and I are going to put your pretty boys into bodybags when we're through with them. [Once more the footage freezes on the angry visage of Paul Wong.] VO: Back in the States, their battles even spilled onto the set of the IIWF's "Countdown" show. [Cut to footage captioned, "IIWF Countdown to Saturday Night: 10 April 1998." Paul and Simon have knocked down to of the set's crew members. Simon grabs Mr. Tsuburaya and slams his head into the table. Mr. Tsuburaya falls to the floor. As Paul gets to his feet he's nailed from behind by a metal chair -- WHACK! Simon turns around quickly after hearing the sound and gets clotheslined by Agito Nakajima. It sends him over the table to the floor. A panicked Larry Morton yells out as the carnage continues:] LM: Call security! [Cut to footage captioned, "Countdown to Saturday Night: 17 April 1998." The Machines are once again attacked by the Fabulous Ones. After two crew members get knocked out of the way Simon is immediately engulfed by a huge white smoke cloud that pours out of the cylinder being carried by Sho Satsuma. The smoke starts to clear, as Agito picks Simon up, gorilla presses him, and drops him on the backside of the already cracked wall. Simon goes through the wall and to the set floor. Suddenly, a rattling of metal sound is heard. Sho spins around, and gets greeted by a ladder across the chest. Paul Wong, apparently, went into the studio's janitor closest and pulled out the eight foot ladder and swung it at Sho, connecting and dropping the "ShoStealer". Agito charges Wong and tackles him to the floor, before Paul could get control of the ladder and defend himself with it. The ladder drops on top of the two combatants. They start to roll around, punching wildly at each other. Suddenly. Larry comes walking back into the studio area from the hallway. He's greeted by a smoke filled studio, with a fallen back wall, that has broken over the "Countdown" desk, with Simon O'Neal pulling himself up from the remnants of the wall, and Sho slowly getting to all fours. Paul slowly gets to his feet. He has a hammer in his hand. Though he's worn out from the fight, he still has a smirk on his face.] PW: You wanted a war? We'll give you a war! [The voice over continues as the violence between the four men rages on.] VO: But perhaps the most dastardly attack was yet to come. [Cut to footage captioned, "IIWF Saturday Night: 3 May 1998." Simon O'Neal is standing on the ledge at the foot of the jumbotron in the IIWF Coliseum. He hands a microphone to his partner, then takes a few steps out of the spotlight. A huge heel pop erupts as Simon walks back into the spotlight... shoving a third person in front of him. The original soundtrack is heard:] TD: Oh my... that's Mr. Tsuburaya! They've kidnapped the leader of the Fabulous Ones! SR: Idiots. You don't kidnap the rich guy. Who's going to pay the ransom? [Paul Wong steps towards Mr. Tsuburaya, and the boos grow louder for Paul. He turns and faces Mr. Tsuburaya. Even from the height, Simon's face has a worried expression. Paul continues.] PW: You know, I was going to yell and scream at you for the Fabulous Ones and for being banned from "Countdown" and for my car. And at first, I was going to yell at you, and tell you to get your boy toys off our backs. But I've got a better idea. [Paul turns and flashes a smirk that looks like his partner's.] PW: All of you IIWF fans want to boo me? Let me give you a REAL reason to boo me. Consider this a gift from me to the IIWF fans. [With that he boots Mr. Tsuburaya in the stomach. Doubling him over, Paul picks him up. Walks over to the edge on the twenty foot tall jumbotron, over by the cheap seats. And. And... There are screams from the audience, and an audible THUD.] TD: PAUL WONG JUST POWERBOMBED MR. TSUBURAYA INTO THE AUDIENCE! SR: Wow. I didn't think the gay guy had it in him. [Simon just looks on in shock as Paul picks up the microphone again. The Fabulous Ones quickly leave the ring and head out into the audience, ignoring the surrounding fans as they go to their leader. Paul straightens out his hat and speaks to the Fabulous Ones.] PW: If any of you get in our way again... I'll kill you. [The footage pauses with Paul Wong looking into the crowd with hatred.] VO: Once the typical nice guy, the fair fighter, the man that won cleanly, but now he's the man that stops at nothing for revenge. Paul Wong has stepped over the line even his rule-breaking partner would fear to cross. [Cut to slow-motion footage of Paul Wong slapping Ms. Miki in the ring.] Ms. Miki was sent to the hospital care of Paul Wong, Agito Nakajima was sent to the hospital care of Paul Wong, and finally Mr. Tsuburaya was sent to the hospital... and may never walk again. [Cut to slow-motion footage of Sho pranging the white BMW with the forklift truck, Paul Wong diving out of the way in the nick of time.] Tonight the Fabulous Ones and the Machines lock it up one last time in the IIWF. What's at stake? Injury? Employment? The Machines want more: they want the end of the Fabulous Ones. And the Fabulous Ones? All they want is revenge. [Cut to slow-motion footage of the four men brawling in the crowd as fans about them scatter.] One team will leave the IIWF Coliseum tonight out of a job. But will both teams leave in an ambulance? [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside, the fans in the stands behind cheering the segment.] TD: Folks, there has never been a rivalry between two tag teams here in the IIWF like the _war_ that has raged on between the Fabulous Ones and the Machines for the past six months. But tonight, it all comes to an end -- as these four men lock it up one last time. SR: Hopefully the match will be a draw, and both teams will have to leave. Although Miki can stay. TD: Another tag team rivalry that will be settled tonight is that between the American Dragons and Night Patrol. The Dragons have clashed with Brenda Hawkings' law enforcement officers on no less than four occasions, and have come up short every single time, thanks to the illegal tactics of Lt. Blazer and Sgt. Garcia. Tonight, these two teams square off in a Texas Death Tornado match, which can only end when a ringside doctor rules that one team is unfit to continue! SR: In that case, there's no need to start the match, Dross. None of these tag team guys are worth the spandex their tights are made out of. TD: Steve Roberts, your complete lack of impartiality continues to astound me, even after two years. Another much anticipated tag team encounter pits the Black Watch, the cousins Macbeth, against the Baddest Thangs Running, the team comprising Gunnar "Grizzly" Gaines and Caleb Temple... in a "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" match. SR: This one's only interesting because Gaines and Temple will probably end up beating the snot out of one another, Dross. TD: Perhaps so, but the rivalry between these two tremendous teams shows no signs of dissipating. Gaines and Temple are, of course, huge legends here in the Portland area, and joining them here at Birthday Bash tonight will be Steve Sampson and Robert Donovan. The former "Superstar" is all set to face "To Excess" Rick Williams in a Towel Match. What a bout that's going to be. SR: The Coalition is going to send these guys back where they belong: serving fries at one of the many fast food eateries here in Portland. Wrestling in a run-down bowling alley does not a superstar make, Dross. TD: We'll see about that, Steve Roberts. Steve Sampson is a tremendous athlete, and he's sure to be fired up for tonight's match. Another young man who is fired up is the rookie Chris Staley. The "Vagabond" will be squaring off against Deathbringer in a Steel Cage Match later on tonight -- hardly the ideal debut for a youngster on an IIWF pay-per-view. SR: I can't wait to see Deathbringer slice and dice that kid through the bars of the cage, Dross. TD: Folks, twelve incredible matches, and the Meatman Challenge to boot. In fact, let's go live right now to... hang on. What's going on here? [Without any warning, "The Frayed Ends of Sanity" by Metallica begins to play and the crowd turns to the entrance ramp.] TD: Steve Manning? What's Steve Manning doing here? He's not even wrestling! SR: Maybe he's got another appointment to get slammed through the French broadcast table. [After a lengthy delay, the music screeches to a halt.] TD: Hmmm... I guess maybe the sound crew messed up. Even the best make mist... [Dross is interrupted by the familiar chords of "Don't Fear the Reaper" as the crowd begins to pop huge!] SR: The Fury is in da house! But... what the hell is he doing coming out now?! [After another slight pause, the curtains part and Steve... Steve Manning hobbles out, his head bandaged up, a bad make up job representing a black eye, a sling on his arm, and a cane in his other hand, assisting his walking. He's also wearing a t-shirt bearing the words, "Can't Hold Me Down!" The Sanguine One seems to have a confused, dazed look on his face, as he slowly hauls himself down the ramp towards the ring while the fans begin to ravage the young man with a heel pop.] SR: What the _hell_ is this all about? This better not be... TD: I'm afraid that's what it looks like, Steve... [Manning grabs the house mic, and pulls himself into the ring, his face contorting in a determined anguish during every agonisingly slow move he makes. The music dies down. The "boo"s however, do not, as Manning must yell to be heard.] SM: I been battered! I been bruised! But nothin' can kill the competitive fire that burns within me. The fire that can be compared to the _FURY_ of hell! [The "boo"s get even louder.] SM: Y'know, I get jumped. I get punked. I got people charging left and right, all aiming for a shot at the belt around my waist! [Manning gestures to the plain leather belt he's wearing on his jeans.] SM: Musashi attacks me. Annis attacks me. I got that dead son of a bitch piledrivin' my head down to the mat. But I don't really give a damn about all that. 'Cause when the Stevester is out here, you damn sure know there's gonna be a big fight, and if there ain't a big fight, then someone's not doin' there job correctly! Because I'm the baddest! I'm the toughest S.O.B. in the whole Dubba Eye! Just ask my life partner, "The Soundbite"! SR: [sputtering over headset] Why that son of a... TD: [over headset] Calm yourself, Steve. Security should be getting out here. This is the middle of a PPV for God's sakes! SM: There ain't nobody who can keep me down, because I had to fight to be born, and I was born to fight! You think I'm down and out? You don't know me very well. Hell, I took 3 bullets in the chest on my way in the arena here tonight. I mighta ducked 'em, but I was still dazed from drivin' my damn car off the road and plummeting 350 feet into a buncha jagged rocks. I had to fasten my damn head back on with a staple gun. But that goes to show just how damn tough I am... I... I... [Manning gets a strange look on his face and begins dancing a little jig in the ring and singing along.] SM: # Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gaaal! # # I wanna... [Suddenly he drops to the canvas and begins convulsing, spitting up over his chin, his eyes rolled back into his head.] TD: [over headset] Good lord! SR: [over headset] Is this legit or what? [And as quickly as Manning fell down, he kips back up to his feet acting like nothing ever happened, although the drool smeared over his chin says otherwise. He wipes it off with his arm.] SM: Sorry, sorry. I have those lil' spells sometimes. Musta been when that damn crane broke and dropped the 500 pound steel beam on my head yesterday mornin'. I tell ya, even I was slowed down just a tad by that, so needless to say, I was surprised when my doctor gave me Advil. Cleared that headache up right away, and almost made me forgot about how I fell down the 3 flights of stairs on my way out of the hospital. But that wasn't gonna keep me from bein' here tonight, cause I'm the baddest sonuva... [Manning suddenly stares off into space for a few moments, almost in a trance.] SR: [over headset] Y'know Dross, I've seen some pretty low things in my time here. Hell, I've even _condoned_ and _cheered_ for some pretty rotten acts, but I think this is the absolute most despicable thing I've ever seen. And to think, I _almost_ liked this little piece of... TD: [over headset] Easy, Steve, although I have to agree. Steve Manning is making a _mockery_ of the World Champion's health problems. This is a man's _life_, and to think, nobody knows more about injuries in this business than Manning himself, and yet he's making _light_ of this serious Kowalski situation. [Manning shakes out of his trance, and begins slapping himself in the face.] SM: Jesus Christ... that was a lil' strange. But never fear, I'm the toughest S.O.B. on the planet. And now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go defend my title in an 8 on 1 handicap match. [Manning begins to hobble away, before turning back and offering a damn _evil_ smile.] SM: Oh and Valtharius... I don't forget. And I sure as hell don't forgive. Unfortunately for you, you're gonna wish you could forget my name... but it'll be burned into your subconscious, if you ever have one, for the rest of your hideously freakish life. Seeya soon, big boy. [Manning drops the microphone, as "Don't Fear the Reaper" is cued again. Manning resumes his act, hobbling out of the ring, and intentionally tripping up on the apron, flying down onto the concrete floor. Then he begins to "Hulk Up" and gets to his feet, pointing to his t-shirt as he walks down the aisle with the same determined, anguished look on his face. The music fades. The crowd now, is completely irate.] TD: That was nothing short of disgusting. SR: I've got half a damn mind to go back there and beat the hell out of him myself, Dross. What a frickin' jerk. TD: Folks, we're just moments away from tonight's huge pay-per-view extravaganza! If you've not yet made that call, you've not got a moment to lose! Kowalski vs. Annis! Warnett vs. Lebec! Team Sychosys vs. the Prophets of Rage! Icehawk vs. Mota! The King of the Cruisers! SR: Hype, Dross, hype! TD: Twelve blockbuster matches, folks, to celebrate the second anniversary of the world's number one wrestling organisation! This is it! Don't you dare move a muscle -- we'll be right back with Birthday Bash! [Cut to a wide-angle shot of the IIWF Coliseum, as another volley of fireworks shoots up into the rafters to a huge pop from the fans. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+