[Sting's "Shape of My Heart" gently plays under a shot of an empty, darkened IIWF Coliseum. The voice of veteran commentator Tim Dross is then heard as highlighted images from Federation past begin to appear in the vacant arena, pictures of men so vivid that for a moment yesterday seems to become tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...] TD: In the beginning, there was the Outlaw... [The image of J.W. Hardin appears, the massive cowboy appears seated in the front row, hands behind his head and feet perched on the guardrail, he soundlessly yells out, "Ain't Life Grand!" as he then pats the IIWF Heavyweight Championship belt...] TD: ...the man who ruled the world of professional wrestling with steel fists and an iron will. His was the presence that dominated the early days, the reign which set the tone for Federation greatness -- the stick by which all who followed would be measured. [We see the shadowy Subway Psycho, appearing to emerge at the top of the aisle, the familiar white light heralding the arrival of "The People's Champion, the World Championship belt firmly affixed to his waist...] TD: Then came a shadow, as much turmoil as was he bone and muscle, the People's Champion hit the world of wrestling with the fury of a runaway train. In our memories, no one could draw the seismic reaction as did this electrifying wonder. [In the rafters, nestled within the superstructure of the building itself, is the image of the Deathbringer, the World Championship belt held in front of him as in the nature of an offering.] TD: Eternally held between the darkness and the light was the man from the dark side. Seven feet of questionable intentions, the Dead Man has breathed life into the Heavyweight ranks since Day One. His triumph is written throughout each and every page of the history of the IIWF. [Appearing in mid-aisle is the figure of the Teutonic Terror, Otto "The Butcher" Verhoeven. The snarling German defiantly thrusts the World Campionship belt outward, as if its existence was definitive proof of his inherent superiority. Which is may have been.] TD: Such grey areas were not present within the man who would welcome opponents to the "Slaughterhouse". His was a heavy boot, laying mercilessly into the will of the entire industry. The Butcher was not given to subtleties, to subtext; he was about the beating... administered with the type of cruel automaton-like efficency rarely seen in the IIWF. [At the back of the Arena, standing alone, silently with his back against the wall is the image of Dan Kauffman, his head tilted pensively back as the World Championship belt is draped over his shoulder.] TD: In the midst of these monsters, the world of wrestling "called the man". A man named Flash. A man like any other, slight of build and moderately slow of foot. In the squared circle, it was this man who proved definitively that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. A man like any other...with the heart of a lion. [Lying flat out on the announce table appears the chiseled image of Casey James at repose, the World Championship belt acting as a pillow for the apparently slumbering James. As the camera gingerly creeps forth... James snaps with a silent roar -- then an exaggerated yawn -- and then a smirking chuckle at the quick tumbling backstep of the camera.] TD: Half man... half attitude... and all Champion, the "Blackheart" defined 1997 professional wrestling. In this era where black was white, day was night and bad... well, bad paid the bills... there was no man "badder" than the Blackheart. His "Syndicate" dominated the IIWF like no other -- and were always dripping in the gold of the victorious. [From the front entrance doors of the IIWF Coliseum is the image of the eternal outsider, Requiem, his step narrowly on the inside of this hallmark to greatness. The mysterious former Champion holds the belt aloft... high... high... high over his head for all to see.] TD: And then, on a fateful Massachusetts evening came time to "turn the page" -- and turn the IIWF did, first in the person of the "Herald of Destruction", a physical marvel who swept the world of wrestling into this tropical storm called Genesis. A more controversial entity was rarely found than this motley gang -- a collective who held their leader's precarious title as were it the very lifeblood of the group itself. [In the ring, impatiently seated on a top turnbuckle is the image of the "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. The resolute Cowboy silently thwaks the World Championship gold against his palm...the strap taking more the appearance of a weapon than a prize when placed in the hands of Thunder.] TD: When this man's page is read, it may well speak of the "greatest of all time" -- the Lone Wolf was rock steady from his first Federation days, carving out a singular space for himself as the man for all moments. He was the first man to hold the Belt on two occasions -- and it was his triple cross which remains the defining moment in IIWF history. [Standing now in the middle of the ring is not an apparition... it is instead, the full blooded figure of the triple crown winning Fury. The World Heayweight Champion Steve Kowalski. Dressed head to toe for battle, the Fury lays the world championship gold in front of him, as if setting a line of demarcation, "after me... the deluge."] TD: And... the Fury. The one word which personifies everything one needs to know about the IIWF in 1998. Fury. It is about the fury this man has brought to his reign, through pain and beyond, he has fought where lesser... where maybe even greater men would have folded up. Steve Kowalski is the canvas upon which the violent rage of the "new IIWF" has been painted, he is the bookmark which seems permanently wedged in the great novel of professional wrestling -- the page of the Fury perhaps never to be turned... Or perhaps... [Cut to the face of Steve Kowalski, hard... unforgiving...] TD: ...it will turn today. [Wide shot as the music fades, encompassing all nine proud Champions.] TD: They are nine men, representing hundreds who have served proudly in the most elite fighting force the world of professional athletics has ever known. They are the 9 men who have gloriously worn the only reward that truly matters in the great sport of professional wrestling, the only men who can honestly say they have stood at the summit -- who have stood at the apex of all the world of sport. They are the heroes. They are the conquerors. They are the Champions. And this is the IIWF. [The shot goes black and the music fades.] ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| | || | \ v v / | __| |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| _____ ___ _____ _______ ___ ___ _____ __ ____ \ __ \ \ / \ __ \ | | \ / \ / \ __ \ /\ \ \ \ / | | \ \| | | | \ \|/| |\| | | | | | | \ \ / \ \ \ / / | |_/ /| | | |_/ / | | | |__| | | | | | / /\ \ \ v / | __ < | | | __/ | | | ____ | | | | |/ /__\ \ \ / | | \ \| | | \ | | | | | | | | | | _____/ \/ / | | | || | | \ \ | | | | | | | | | |/ \/ / | | | || | | |\ \ | | | | | | | | | | / /\ | |_/ /| | | | \ \ | | | | | | | |_/ / / /\ \ /____/ /_\ /_\ /__\ /_\ /_\ /_\ /____/ /_/ /__\ _____ _____ ___ ___ \ __ \ /\ / ___ \ \ / \ / | | \ \ / \ / / \_\| | | | | |_/ / / /\ \ \ \_____ | |__| | | __ < / /__\ \ \_____ \| ____ | | | \ \ _____/ \ \ \ | | | | | | |/__ \ \ / / | | | | | | | \ \____\ \___/ /| | | | | |_/ / \______\ \___/ | | | | /____/ /__\ /_\ /_\ Saturday 16 May 1998 LIVE from the IIWF Coliseum, Portland, Oregon H + O + U + R O + N + E [The opening graphics fade through to an interior shot of the IIWF Coliseum, the arena lined from the mezzanine down to the floor with screaming fans, waving signs and decked out in official IIWF merchandise. A volley of fireworks is unleashed from the rigging above the jumbotron, rockets spiralling on wires towards the rafters high above the ring, apparently triggering a cascade of white sparks that rains down like molten silver onto the canvas below. As the sheet of sparks disperses, a wire-frame pyro that has been lowered into the ring ignites into flame, its form depicting the following words: HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY The fans give a huge, huge pop as the pyro burns brightly above the canvas of the ring, showering sparks onto the mat below. Over these scenes comes the voice of veteran announcer Tim Dross, his voice carried over the PA:] TD: Welcome everybody to Portland, Oregon! Welcome everybody to the home of the world's number one wrestling organisation! Welcome everybody to the biggest birthday celebration ever! [Suddenly, each ringpost explodes with a huge flare of a different colour: yellow, red, pink, blue!] TD: Welcome everybody... to BIRTHDAY BASH 1998! [A chant of "I-I-W-F! I-I-W-F!" breaks out, quickly gaining momentum in the twenty thousand-strong crowd, the shot panning over row upon row of fanatical faces of all ages, fists pumping the air in unison as they chant along. The shot pans down to the ringside enclosure, past a number of foreign announce tables, and comes to rest on the broadcast table of Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, both bedecked in their traditional PPV finery. Dross wears a sober tuxedo, while Steve Roberts complements his particular ensemble with a gaudy tie and waistcoat.] TD: Howdy, folks, and welcome to this tremendous pay-per-view event! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me, as always, is my broadcast colleague and tag team partner, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. Over the next three hours you will see the finest wrestling talent bar none anywhere in the world in some of the most exciting, most unique matches in the history of this sport. There is no show like the IIWF, and there is no night like Birthday Bash! SR: Who would have thought we'd ever see this day, Dross? I remember when I first walked into this place. I took one look at ol' Dictator Danny and said to myself, "Hell, I'll only have to work three months of this ten-year contract before this hick joint folds, but the money's damned good. Come the summer, I'll be down on the Costa Brava with Susan Sarandon and a pina colada." TD: And what happened, Steve? SR: Here we are two years on, Dross. This hick joint has become the world leader in the wrestling business... and it's all thanks to the Soundbite, baby dolls! TD: I don't know about that, Steve Roberts. But I'm heartened to know that I can look forward to sharing this broadcast table with you for the next eight years. SR: They tied you down with the long-term contract too, huh? TD: Indeed they did. But I never had any doubts that we'd see this day. Folks, it was two years ago, almost to the day, that the IIWF's inaugural event, Coronation Clash, aired to a select pay-per-view audience. Two years, a dozen pay-per-views, and more than five hundred matches later, and here we are at the second annual Birthday Bash, live to a worldwide pay-per-view audience of millions. SR: If it ain't the IIWF, it's just make believe, baby dolls. TD: We have twelve incredible matches coming your way over the next one hundred and eighty minutes, headlined by one of the most eagerly-awaited IIWF World Heavyweight Championship matches of all time, as Steve "the Fury" Kowalski goes up against Serge Annis, with a special guest referee bang smack in the middle. SR: And as usual, I know who it is, Dross. TD: But you're not telling, right? SR: Sure I'll tell. For the right money. TD: All of the IIWF's championships will be up for grabs here tonight, and we'll be seeing the great and the good of our sport getting it on in steel cage matches, in "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" matches, in Texas Death matches, and in plain, good ol' fashioned _wrestling_ matches. Not to mention one of the most bizarre contests we've ever seen here in the IIWF -- the Meatman Challenge, pitting Valtharius the Mad against Jimmy "the Meatman" Steele. This bout is taking place as we speak down in Emeryville, California, and we've got Larry Morton on the scene to bring us all the details. Larry, are you there? [The camera fades in to the outside of a large industrial plant. Bright lights give plenty of illumination for everything; the driveway that leads from the main road into the plant and several building complexes. Also among the buildings are two pens with conveyors leading to the main complex. One pen has dozens of chickens on a metal grate floor. The other pen has a dirt floor, and is empty except for some dog flaps on one side. A sign near the road reads MEATMAN INDUSTRIES. Amidst the complex of packing plants and livestock pens is an open yard in the centre. The yard is fenced in, and about a thousand people are watching. Several people are carrying signs supporting either Valtharius or Steele. But several dozens look like over-aged hippies dressed in sandals and ugly tie-dyes carrying signs that read MEAT IS MURDER! At the front of the crowd is Karachel, the manager of Valtharius. Ten to twelve cultists in black robes surround him. The crowd keep their distance away from him. In front of the crowd are two large screens. The screens come to life, showing the meat plant, and the crowd explodes in cheers. The camera pans around the people before heading up to a small platform. On the platform is Larry Morton, dressed in a powder blue suit with a bright yellow tie. He is munching on a hamburger as the camera picks him up, and grease is dribbling down his suit.] SR: Well, I just lost my appetite. LM: Oomph! Err... [swallows] Welcome to the Meatman Challenge at Birthday Bash! [Cheers from the fans.] TD: Larry, what can you tell us about the Meatman Challenge? LM: Tim, the Meatman Challenge was developed by one Dexter Gilbreath, a former employee of Meatman Industries. I'm sure Mr. Gilbreath can explain this much more readily than I can. [Dexter Gilbreath steps up to the platform. He is a rail-thin, proper man, dressed in a grey suit. He primps his brown hair as he steps up to the camera. Larry is chowing down the last of his hamburger as Dexter steps into view. From the audience, Karachel makes a motion with his hands. Four of the cultists walk away.] LM: Man, this burger is great... Meatman Industries does a wonderful job on their products, Mr. Gilbreath. DG: You would think so, wouldn't you? Nothing like some animal intestines and bile to work yourself up into a frenzy. LM: Uh-huh. Mr. Gilbreath, can you explain the challenge to our audience. DG: It's quite simple, really. Whoever ends up with the Meat Strap, wins. LM: The Meat Strap? [Dexter points up, and the screens change to a picture. It's a belt, but the base of the belt is interlaced with animal bones and calcified with iron, then plated with gold. On each side is a gold-and-iron skeleton of the American Eagle. In the middle is a boar's head, similarly designed. After a moment, the screens fade back to the announcer and his guest.] DG: The Meat Strap. Also, the winner of the match shall win fifty thousand dollars. TD: But what must the Meatman and Valtharius do to win the Meat Strap? DG: I'm so glad you asked. At eight o'clock this morning, Mr. Valtharius and Mr. Steele arrived at this plant. They were then drugged into unconsciousness, and put into the first part of the challenge. Then, they... SR: Hold on here. I'm looking right at you, Gilbreath, and I've seen that look before. I saw that look when Lebec was about to piledrive Lady DeWinter. I saw that look when Serge Annis was about to set MadDog Watkins on fire. And I see that look every time Kowalski steps into the ring. You're going to torture those poor bastards. You're going to put them through more pain than either one of them ever imagined. ...and you're going to enjoy every sadistic minute of it. [Dexter pauses, then breaks out in a wide grin.] DG: Quite correct, Mister Roberts. [Dexter takes out a remote control, and pushes a button. Machinery starts up, and one of the conveyors begins moving. Into the view comes two cages on the conveyors. The cages are barely over a five-foot cube.] LM: I'm amazed you could fit either Steele or Valtharius in those cages. They appear much too small. DG: They were drugged beforehand. [He checks his watch.] For... about twelve hours now. Although I imagine that it is a little cramped for the meat. LM: The what? TD: Did you just call them meat? [Dexter smiles. Through the bars, both Valtharius and Steele have their eyes opens, and both men are struggling to move in their cages. Valtharius, in particular, seems to be trying to bend and break the bars of the cage. But although several dents form, the cages are holding their men. Larry grabs another hamburger, and takes a small bite.] DG: Very soon, Mister Steele and Mister Valtharius will soon begin the Meatman Challenge. To the survivor goes the Meat Strap. To the loser... well, they will find out. [Dexter pushes another button, and the screens come to life again. This time, a grainy Black and White footage starts up. It shows several small children walking around a petting zoo, feeding some chickens, rubbing the back of a pig, watching a cow up close. A voice over narrates.] VO: All of out animals are treated with Love and Tenderness, so you will love every tender bite. Brought to you by Meatman Industries. [Dexter Gilbreath laughs while Larry Morton obliviously chows down another bite of hamburger. The camera fades back to a very sick-looking Tim Dross and Steve Roberts.] TD: As I said, folks... the most unusual contest you've ever seen. We'll head back to Larry Morton for an update on the Meatman Challenge later this hour. But right now, we're just about ready to get things underway here in the arena for what many are calling the biggest pay-per-view of the year! SR: And they have the Soundbite right here covering every moment of. TD: And what a way to get things started. A Texas Tornado match, and at ringside we've got quite one of the IIWF medical practitioners. The final outcome of this match is based on this one man's opinion. SR: Leaving this match in the hands of the suits? Can we say "brilliant"? I mean these are the people giving Kowalski the all-clear to defend his match tonight, and they're going to determine the outcome of this match? [The camera zooms in to show the IIWF "suit" who stands at the timekeeper's table, before spanning the crowd, before resuming on the announcer's booth.] TD: Indeed, we have to be concerned about the Fury's condition, but right now we're going to have to unfortunately put that on the back burner. SR: But you see the point. I mean we're trusting... TD: I think they get the point, Steve. You're just not trusting any of the front office personnel right now. SR: Exactly, and if everyone around here knew what was going on as well as I did... TD: So you know who the special referee will be? SR: Absolutely. TD: So share it with the rest of us. SR: Later, when I think you're ready for it. Right now we've got a match to discuss. _____ _____ \ __ \ / __ / | | \ \ / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | | __ < TEXAS DEATH TORNADO MATCH: > __ | | | \ \ Night Patrol vs. American Dragons / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | /____/ WRITER: Mark Stone \____\ [The camera then changes to show the IIWF fixture of Sparkplug Lee inside the ring, who is pleasantly "normal" for his appearance when a huge volley of fireworks shoot off from the four corners of the ring in concurrent sequence, drawing another incredible crowd response.] SL: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the IIWF's BIRTHDAY BASH!! [The crowd erupts in a huge pop and takes quite a few moments to calm down before Sparkplug can continue the ring introductions.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the first match of the evening is a tag team encounter and is under "Texas Tornado" rules! The winner of this match can only be determined when both members of one team are declared unable to continue the contest by our ringside physician!!! [The crowd lets out another enormous pop for the stipulations.] SR: In other words, when one team is dead in the ring. SL: Introducing first! ["American Nightmare" by White Zombie begins to blare over the PA system as the fans cheer loudly.] SL: Hailing from San Fransisco, California, and Ft. Carswell, Texas, respectively! Weighing a combined 556 pounds, here are Joe Scalercio... Bob Ivey... ladies and gentlemen, the self-proclaimed hardest working tag team in the business, THE AMERICAN DRAGONS! [The house lights dim as the intro of "American Nightmare" reaches a crescendo, before the guitars kick in. As the music becomes more driving, soft green lights come up. It is at this time Ivey and Scalercio step out into the aisle, to a HUGE face pop. Ivey is wearing his cowboy hat, along with long white tights with a red dragon on the right leg. Also, he's wearing the trademark leather jacket, white with a red dragon on the back, wings outstretched, breathing fire. His partner Joe Scalercio has on black sunglasses, and is wearing the black leather jacket with a green dragon on the back, curled up, yellow eyes looking out. He's wearing long black tights with a green dragon on the left leg. But most prominent is the white bandage wrapped around the top of his head, a testament to the nightstick attack of the Night Patrol last week] SR: How smart is that, Dross? It's like painting a "HIT ME!" sign on his head! And why the hell are they getting such a fancy intro? TD: This is the tag team of the future, Steve! It can honestly be said whoever wins this match is going to have a lot of momentum going into this summer! SR: Tags. That's all I have to say. [Joe and Bob shake hands with the fans as they walk down the aisle, all smiles, even though they know the dirty work ahead of them. Joe works the left side, while Bob takes the right. As they get closer to the ring, Joe shakes one hand...then stops and turns around, looking at the fan in question. We can read his lips easily] JS: Mom? SR: He's calling for his mom already? Hawkings' boys are going to eat them alive! TD: No, Steve, I think that's actually Joe Scalercio's mother! [Indeed, Joe goes back and gives a hug to a Chinese woman sitting at ringside. The look of surprise on his face says it all. Bob Ivey comes over also and pecks the woman on the cheek. She's in her early 50's, with salt-and-pepper hair and a few wrinkles on her face] TD: That is...um...Kiah Scalercio, Joe's mom, according to my sheet. SR: What's next, his daddy? TD: Steve, Scalercio's father died in a police shootout when he was 14. SR: Bad guy or cop? TD: Cop. SR: No comment, then. [Kiah gives a last word before the Dragons climb the ring apron. They step into the ring, going to the middle and throwing both their fists into the air as green flares erupt from the ringposts, exciting the crowd even further!] TD: WHAT A WAY TO CELEBRATE THE IIWF'S BIRTHDAY! [The lights come back up as Joe and Bob remove their jackets, awaiting their rivals.] SL: And their opponents... [The theme music of "Dragnet" begins to play over the intercom system, the lights suddenly fade out until are replaced by flashing red and blue lights, filing the arena and the crowd goes into a heavy booing frenzy when the Night Patrol members make their appearance out from behind the curtain.] SL: Hailing from the Fifth Ward of Houston, Texas, and accompanied to the ring by Assistant District Attorney Brenda Hawkings, weighing in at a total combined weight of 534 pounds, here are Sergeant Ray Garcia and Lieutenant Jack Blazer, THE NIGHT PATROL!!! [The Night Patrol members walk down toward the ring with Miss Hawkings behind them, and the American Dragons get the match started by launching themselves over the top rope to an enormous pop before the lights can bring themselves back to normal levels, as Ivey catches Garcia with a springboard splash, while Ivey connects with a cross-body block on Blazer to a huge pop from the crowd.] TD: Oh my! And this one getting started early! SR: Good. The earlier they start, the earlier they'll finish, and we can get on with some real wrestling. [Ivey pulls Garcia up to his feet, and launches the wrestler up under the ring ropes, before the American Dragons turn their attention to Blazer, and the duo begin double-teaming on the sergeant before adding his form to the ring and climbing under the ring ropes themselves. The Night Patrol members are back on their feet, but the American Dragons are right there on top of the duo, and start laying into the two wrestlers with variety of lefts and rights. Scalercio pushes Blazer back into the ropes, and launches the man across the ring, while Ivey pulls Garcia up to his feet, and hooks the man in a front face lock, and takes the wrestler over with a snap suplex.] TD: A strong start here by the American Dragons. I think they've finally had as much as they can handle from the Night Patrol -- and they're determined that it's going to end right here tonight. SR: Hey, I can see Brenda Hawkings' suspenders. Over here, sweetcakes! TD: Good grief. There is a match going on here, Steve Roberts. SR: Did somebody say "snatch"? TD: I apologise for the comments of Steve Roberts, ladies and gentlemen. [Scalercio then catches Lieutenant Blazer with a back body drop. Garcia is pulled up to his feet, and the American Dragons launch the man across the ring a second time, and the duo catch the wrestler with a double clothesline dropping the Night Patrol member to the mat hard. Blazer is back up to his feet, and pulls Ivey off from the double team effort, and tries to nail the man with a right hand, but Ivey ducks out of the way of the blow, and the sergeant spins around a hundred and eighty degrees before being lifted up in and planted with an atomic drop. The Lieutenant careens over the top rope and to the floor, while Scalercio pulls Garcia up to his feet, and drops him with a Scoop Slam manoeuvre.] TD: Oh my! Blazer sent to the outside -- and Garcia slammed to the mat. The Dragons in control here! [Ivey then comes off the ropes as Scalercio pulls himself away from Garcia and lands a quick legdrop on the wrestler. Scalercio rolls himself outside the ring, and pulls Blazer up to his feet, before firing the man face first into the ring railing. Ivey comes off the ropes as Ray turns Blazer back around, and to a huge pop from the crowd, Ivey races across the ring, diving under the ropes with a baseball slide kick, connecting hard against the Lieutenant sending him barrelling back into the rail once again. The American Dragons lift Blazer up to his feet, and then hoist the man up for a double suplex, but drop the man gut first over the ring railing, dropping the wrestler on the cold metal. Inside the ring, Garcia is back up to his feet, and trying to regain his composure. The Dragons turn their attention to the ringside "equipment", and grab one of the nearby trashcans from ringside...] TD: Don't forget, folks, that this match has _no rules_. It will continue until the ringside physician determines that one or other team is unable to continue... and we will have elimination rules. SR: So it'll go down to last man standing. Unless by some freak natural disaster it's the Dragons who come out on top, of course. They're hardly men. [Ivey brings the trashcan down on the head of Blazer, driving the wrestler head first into she hard floor, while Scalercio applies a quick boot to the heat of the man. As the Dragons pull Blazer back up to his feet, Garcia sends himself over the top rope with a huge splash on all three members outside the ring to an enormous heel pop.] TD: What a manoeuvre! [Garcia rolls himself over off the crumpled heap of bodies on the floor, as Hawkings tosses her charge one of the Patrol's nightstick. Garcia then drives the stick into the throat of Scalercio as Blazer stumbles around the ringside area to a jeering crowd. Meanwhile, Ivey remains near motionless on the ringside floor area. Garcia grabs the head of Scalercio and drives the man face first into the steel post, before spinning the man around, and starting to choke the man with the nightstick.] TD: It was only a matter of time before those nightsticks came into play, Steve Roberts. That dive from the rookie Garcia could turn the tide for the Night Patrol here! SR: About time too, Dross. The sooner the Patrol put these pesky kids out of their misery, the sooner Brenda and I can get a little lovin'. TD: I doubt very much that Brenda Hawkings would be interested in anything you have to offer, Steve Roberts. SR: And this coming from a short, fat, bald guy. [Blazer pulls himself back through the ring ropes, as Garcia releases the choke hold on Scalercio and levels the man with a hard knife edge chop that staggers the lighter of the two American Dragons. Hawkings finally moves into the play as Ivey tries to get to his feet, only to get thrown into the squared circle by the D.A. Outside the ring, Garcia drives Scalercio toward the announcer's table on the far side of the ring. Unfortunately for Ivey, he is getting a similar treatment from Blazer, as the wrestler is pulled up to his feet and then driven across the ring before being hoisted up in a military press, and sending the wrestler crashing over the top rope with a huge press slam on one of the ringside announcing tables, drawing a mammoth heel pop from the crowd. Meanwhile, Garcia tries to drive Scalercio face-first into a different table, only to have the attempt blocked by a stiff arm, and then nailed across the face with an elbow smash. It is then Garcia who goes face first into the table to the count of the crowd, the count getting up to five.] SR: Hey, the table didn't break, Dross. Those Antiguan announcers must be thanking their lucky stars right now. [Blazer is having more fortunate luck against Ivey, as the wrestler comes out of the ring, and locks the man in for, and drives the wrestler into the hard floor with a tombstone piledriver. Lieutenant Blazer gets up to his feet, and pulls the wrestler toward the table of Dross and Roberts. Scalercio snaps Garcia over in a suplex on the floor before making his way toward the corner of the ring. Blazer drives Ivey face first into the table of the IIWF announcers before turning his attention to Roberts.] JB: YOU THINK TAG TEAMS ARE WEAK, HUH, SUCKA? [Another head slam] DOES THAT LOOK WEAK TO YOU?! SR: Hmm. I didn't get a good look at that, Lieutenant. Care to do that again? TD: Don't encourage him, Steve Roberts. This fight belongs in the ring. SR: You're kidding me, right, Dross? The ring is the absolute last place tag teams belong. I may like the Night Patrol, but let's face it, there's something decidedly homo-erotic about this uniform thing. And the symbolic nature of those nightsticks can't be lost on you, Dross. TD: Please, Steve Roberts. SR: I'm surprised ol' Timmy Turner isn't out here doing the "YMCA" with these guys. TD: Can we just call this match please, Steve? SR: I'll tell you what I call this match, Dross: [BLEEP]in' [BLEEP] of [BLEEP]. TD: Thank goodness for that seven-second tape delay. [Scalercio comes to his feet, and grabs a chair from out from under the rear of Sparkplug Lee and makes his way back across the ring floor, nailing the chair shot to the back of Blazer, sending the wrestler falling on top of the American Dragon's partner. Scarlacio repeats the chair shot on Blazer, before pulling the man to the floor, and connecting with a forearm smash to the head and driving the wrestler to the floor. Garcia is back up to his feet, and has rejoined the fray in front of the announcer's table, catching Scalercio with a sweeping leg lariat to the back of the head of the man before he can do any further damage to Blazer. Scalercio is sent flying across the floor, while both Blazer and Ivey are the still ones on the floor. Garcia grabs Scalercio and fires the man under the ring ropes, before climbing up after the wrestler.] Outside the ring, Ivey pulls himself up to his feet, and slowly drags Blazer back toward the ringside announcer's table, specifically heading toward Roberts.] TD: Looks like you're getting all sorts of attention Steve! SR: What can I tell ya, Dross? The morons all aspire to be near me. You know, I got a strange call last we... urk! [Almost as if on cue, Ivey pulls the headphones off Roberts, drawing a look of anger from the announcer and a pop from the crowd behind the announcers. Ivey then begins to wrap the cable from the headphones around the throat of the wrestler, before whipping the man across the floor, only to pull back on the cable, snapping Blazer down to the floor.] TD: We might need to get a chiropractor after that one. [Roberts tries to say something, but obviously cannot be heard without the headphones, drawing a bit more of his look of anger. Inside the ring, Garcia launches Scalercio across the ring, only to have the whip reversed, and Scalercio catches the Night Patrol member with a quick boot to the solar plexus region. Scalercio then hooks the arms of Garcia up and plants the man with the Cherry Bomb in the center of the canvas. Ivey pulls the cable from around the throat of Blazer, and pulls the Night Patrol member back toward the announcer's table, and scoops the man up in the air, and drops the wrestler with a Ghostbuster DDT on the ring bell, chiming the metal. Roberts manages to grab the head phones, and places them back on.] SR: Who the hell do you think you are, punk?! Nobody steals the Soundbite's headset mid-anecdote. Damned piece of trash. [Apparently in a bit of confusion, Scalercio turns around to see what is going on, but returns to Garcia as the wrestler tries to get back up to a vertical stance when he realises what happened. Ivey tosses Blazer down to the ground, and rolls back up in the ring, as Scalercio takes Garcia over in a swinging neckbreaker. The American Dragon pulls Garcia back up to his feet, and the two men each come off the ropes with the a pair of clotheslines, and nail the wrestler with the "Flat Tire" manuever, each connecting with the manuever, dropping the wrestler to the mat. The Dragons then climb out of the ring, and lift Blazer up to his feet, and the duo nails Blazer with a double clothesline, drawing a pop from the crowd, as the Dragons play up the emotions bouncing around a bit around the ring.] TD: The Dragons with the double-team, Steve Roberts. Both teams exhibiting some real tag team prowess in this opening encounter -- but neither team looks even close to giving up yet. [The two men turn to their mother and point to the woman in satisfaction, before grabbing Blazer once again, and planting the man with a Double Dragon Suplex on the floor. The medical practitioner moves in to check on the condition of Blazer, but is forced back, as Garcia comes through the ring ropes, barrelling into Garcia, sending the man back toward the ring railing once again. Unfortunately for the Night Patrol, the attack by Garcia doesn't do anywhere near enough damage, as Scalercio is back up to his feet, and pounding away to the back of the wrestler before firing him head first into the ring steps. Ivey, meanwhile, pulls Blazer toward the walkway, and on the catwalk locks in and delivers a single arm DDT on the Lieutenant.] TD: Oh my! DDT from Ivey on that steel rampway! I think Blazer's busted open! SR: Freshly squeezed juice. My favourite. Especially tag flavour. [Scalercio then makes his way under the ring, and pulls out one of the extra tables from under the skirting, and pushes the ringsteps out of the way before setting the table up. The American Dragon is joined by his partner, and Ivey then slams Garcia on to the ring table as Scalercio rolls into the ring, and grabs the legs and arms of the wrestler and pulls the wrestler straight into the ringpost, driving him crotch first into the steel.] SR: That'll leave a mark. TD: This is getting out of hand, Steve Roberts. The official needs to assert some control in this one. SR: Uh, what's he going to do, Dross? This is a no disqualification, no count-out match. [Ivey turns his attention back down to Blazer at ringside, and drags him back down toward the overturned ringsteps and locks the man in for, and drives him into the steps with a standing drop kick that pushes Blazer over the steps and down to the floor. Inside the ring, Scalercio then grabs the arms and legs of Garcia and locks the man in for a side bow and arrow hold around the ringpost pulling the wrestler back into the metal. Garcia lets out a huge scream of pain as the medical practitioner moves in again to check on the wrestler, but the doctor is moved out of the way by Ivey, who nails the Night Patrol member with a shot to the chest. Blazer struggles to pull himself back up to his feet, drawing Ivey back over to the man. Ivey then pulls Blazer up to his feet and launches the man up and over with a suplex, onto the table, bringing it down, leaving Garcia hanging in the air. However, Scalercio cannot keep the wrestler up and is forced to release the hold, dropping the wrestler to the floor, while Ivey gets back up to his feet, and fires Garcia back into the squared circle. Meanwhile, DA Hawkings has moved back over to Blazer and slid the wrestler the nightstick. As Ivey turns around to pull Blazer up to his feet, the wrestler turns around and catches the man with the weapon right in the gut, before lifting it straight up on the man's face.] TD: Oh my! These nightsticks are lethal, Steve Roberts! Those things ought to be outlawed! [In the ring, Scalercio pulls Garcia back up to his feet, and scoops the man up and places the man upside down in the corner, locking the foot of the wrestler in the ropes, before beginning to apply a series of boots to the chest of the man. Joey Patrick finally gets in to back Scalercio out of the corner, before releasing the foot of Garcia, and the wrestler drops head-first into the canvas. Blazer, outside the ring, drives the nightstick right into the jaw of Ivey, before lifting the man up off the ground with an inverted atomic drop and then comes off with a running clothesline with the night stick dropping the wrestler to the canvas. Inside the ring, Scalercio pulls Garcia back toward the centre of the and pulls the man up and over with a snap suplex and points to the corner, to draw a solid pop from the crowd.] TD: Garcia is really taking a beating in this match, Steve Roberts. That physician should be in there checking on his condition. [Ivey takes another shot as Blazer fires the wrestler into the ring apron, while Scalercio begins to climb out the opposite side of the ring, and begins to head up the ring ropes to the top. As the wrestle2wgets to the top however, Blazer comes racing around the ring, end connects with a shot from the nightstick to the back of the leg of Scalercio. The wrestler then drops to the top rope, straddling the turnbuckle to a very loud heel pop. The advantage of the Night Patrol doesn't last too long, as Ivey is back up to his feet and pulls Blazer away from the wrestler, before pulling the wrestler back toward the announcer's table of Dross and Roberts. Garcia pulls himself back up to his feet, and the wrestler begins to head up to the top rope.] TD: Garcia is now raising Joe to his feet. Both are standing on the top turnbuckle! SR: Only one way to go from here! TD: The Sergeant has managed to manoeuvre Scalercio into a chicken wing... oh, no! SR: It's the Felony! [Rey Garcia suplexes Joe from the top turnbuckle in the Felony Shoulderbreaker Suplex into the Antiguan announcers' table, to an astonished pop!] SR: Oh my God, they killed Joey! TD: Surely that's the end of the match for Scalercio right there. [Ivey and Blazer continue to battle outside the ring, as Ivey grabs Blazer by the head and locks the man in for a front leglock face slam into the floor. However, Garcia is off Scalercio and over to help his partner out, although very slow in joining in the battle as the doctor moves in to check in on the down American Dragon member.] SR: You know, this was brilliant. Bring mom down to see her two sons get brutally massacred. Now we know why the Patrol seems to have the big edge. TD: The physician is checking on Scalercio -- there's no way he can continue after taking a fall like that. I think he may have separated his shoulder. [The camera moves in to show Mrs. Scalercio with her hands over her mouth, before zooming back in on the doctor who is signalling for medical attendants to help the wrestler up to his feet, and supporting the wrestler to a vertical stance. A huge heel pop goes out as Scalercio gets up to his feet. Meanwhile, Ivey gets nailed from behind by Garcia with a knee to the back, before launching the man into the still overturned ring steps, and then dropping the wrestler down back first over the ring steps, before launching the man into the ring. Scalercio tries to get up to his feet, but drops right back down to the floor as Ivey is then fired under the ring ropes by Garcia, before climbing up in the ring. Meanwhile Blazer heads up the ring ropes, as the doctor pulls Scalercio up to his feet, but the wrestler tries to push his way off the doctor to no avail.] TD: Scalercio refusing to leave, but there's no way he can continue in this match. [Inside the ring, Garcia lifts Ivey up, and places the wrestler over the shoulder of Blazer, and the duo connect with the Police Brutality hold, driving Ivey into the canvas.] SR: It's over! Get the doctor to call for a second elimination now before Momma S has to call for a second funeral. TD: Right now the physician is still trying to get Scalercio to go to the back! [The Night Patrol members then repeat the set up, as Blazer again makes his way up the ropes, and climbs to the top, again allowing Garcia to lift the man up to his feet and up in a vertical suplex position before dropping the man once again over the shoulder of Blazer.] TD: Not again! SR: Just making sure, Drossy. I mean, you can never cause enough suffering for a mother. [Again, Scalercio tries to get to his feet, but falls back once again as the Night Patrol perform a second Police Brutality to another huge heel pop. And once again, the Night Patrol members get up to their feet, with Garcia adding a few kicks to the ribs of Ivey, who tries to curl up in a foetal position to try to reduce the impact. Garcia points Blazer back to the ropes once more, and the Lieutenant obliges, as he heads out to the ring apron.] TD: Ivey may have some broken ribs by now...no, no, not again! SR: Yeah, yeah! Teach him a lesson! TD: The Night Patrol is going for a third Police Brutality powerslam. And Dr. Aaron Latty is talking to the ring announcer! SL: Due to a separated shoulder, the ringside physician has ruled that Joe Scalercio is unable to continue! [huge heel pop]. SR: Joe is out! And Ivey could be next. [Just as Joe is being led away, he is led past the turnbuckle where Blazer is posing with Garcia pulling Ivey up in the air for the set up for a third Police Brutality.] TD: What's Joe doing? He's up to the ring apron and... SR: Is he nuts?! [Joe breaks the doctor's grasp and hauls Blazer off the top rope to come crashing down outside down on top of the overturn ringsteps to a huge pop from the crowd, and Scalercio falls back to the floor clutching at his arm.] TD: What a save! SR: What a stupid move! TD: It was either that or his partner facing the possibility of permanent paralysis. Night Patrol are way over the edge here, Steve Roberts. SR: He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. Remember that phrase? Well, it looks like ol' Joe won't be doing any more fighting. [The doctor immediately gets his assistants to lift Scalercio up and escort the wrestler to the back while the doctor checks on the Night Patrol member who is grimacing in extreme pain, still bent halfway over the ringsteps. Inside the ring, Garcia, taken by surprise by the move by Scalercio drops Ivey onto his feet, and Ivey uses the momentum to carry Garcia up and over with a backdrop, dropping the man with a backdrop.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the ringside physician has declared that Lieutenant Jack Blazer is unable to continue the match, and is thereby eliminated. [A huge face pop from the crowd erupts as a couple more IIWF medical technicians come down from the back. Meanwhile inside the ring, Ivey is unable to capitalise on his advantage, clutching at his side allowing Garcia to get back up to his feet. The Night Patrol member then rolls toward the side of the ring, where Hawkings tosses the wrestler the night stick once again, and the wrestler gets up to his feet, and brings the weapon crashing down on the back of the leg of Ivey.] TD: We're down to one on one, but this is no fair contest -- with Hawkings on the outside and that nightstick, Ivey's truly outnumbered in there. [The doctor moves in toward the ring to see if Ivey is willing to give up, but the wrestler pushes the man away from the squared circle, but cannot do much more as Garcia drags Ivey toward the center of the ring, and turns the man over on his back, and tosses the weapon down to the canvas. Garcia then grabs the leg of Ivey and hooks the man up for the "Tejano Toehold" and locks the manoeuvre in.] SR: It's over! The nightstick and the submission hold. The doctor needs to call it now. [Steve pauses for a moment.] SR: Oh wait, we're talking about the same officials who okayed the champ wrestling tonight. TD: It may not matter. If Ivey submits to this, it's over. [However, Ivey shakes his head, swearing that he's not about to submit, and starts pounding on the mat, which gets the crowd right there behind the wrestler with an "I-vey! I-vey!" chant going through the ringside area fans. The doctor again asks Ivey if he can continue, but the wrestler refuses, and tries to push himself up with his hands, apparently drawing on the crowd chant for extra energy, and finally manages to push Garcia over with a huge effort.] TD: And now the heat's on Garcia! What an effort from Bob Ivey! This young lion is really impressing me in there tonight! [Ivey pulls himself toward the ring ropes, and the nightstick that was tossed to the side by Garcia. Garcia gets back up to his feet and moves in, but not until Ivey spins himself around with the nightstick and nails the wrestler in the gut with the weapon, bending the wrestler over. Ivey then grabs the head of the wrestler and fires him out through the ring ropes and down to the floor. Ivey follows behind the man, and as Garcia gets up to his feet, catches the wrestler with another shot by the nightstick, drawing a pop from the crowd with the blow. Ivey then pulls Garcia to his feet, and launches the wrestler across the floor, sending the ring railing backwards with the contact, before charging at the man with the nightstick, but Garcia backdrops the wrestler over into the crowd, and the nightstick goes disappearing from the hands of the wrestler into the mass of people.] TD: Finally the nightstick is taken out of play... and perhaps with it goes Garcia's advantage! [Garcia then pulls Ivey back up to his feet, and hooks the man up for a suplex, and lifts the man over the railing, but Ivey reverses himself up and over the back of Garcia and takes the man up and back over with a belly to back suplex on the floor. Ivey then gets up to his feet, and makes his way over to the timekeeper's table and grabs the bell. As Garcia tries to stand back up, Ivey nails the wrestler with the bell and drives the new weapon right into the head of the Night Patrol member, drawing a loud pop as the bell chimes in the arena. Ivey lets out a loud yell, drawing a pop from the crowd, and drives the bell down on the head of Garcia, who is trying to get back up to his feet, but is stopped and drops straight down to the floor.] TD: I... I think Garcia is out, Steve Roberts. I think he's out cold. Oh my. What a shot from Bob Ivey. He may have fractured his skull right there. [Ivey then motions to the doctor, although with some effort to get the practitioner's attention, to check on Garcia. Garcia lies almost motionless on the ring, moving only through nerve reflexes as the doctor can be heard hollering "He's out!". Ivey then holds up the ring bell, and looks up at Joey Patrick, who signals with is hands that the match is over.] Ivey hands the bell back over to the time keeper, who immediately rings the bell, and the crowd erupts. The figure of Joe Scalercio comes walking back down toward the ring, favouring one leg slightly, and his arm already in a sling.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of this match, the team of THE AMERICAN DRAGONS!!!! [The crowd lets out an enormous pop as the camera zooms in Mrs. Scalercio, with her hands over her face to apparently hide her tears, but as the hands drop a smile can be seen crossing her face as the corners of the ring light up one more time with an array of fireworks, and an enormous pop from the crowd.] TD: What a battle to kick things off here tonight, Steve Roberts! The Night Patrol just came up a little short, but what a tremendous effort from young Rey Garcia. [The camera then shows Hawkings pulling Garcia up to his feet, and walking the Night Patrol member toward the back, while Scalercio and Ivey join the mother of Joe at ringside, with the two men giving the woman a huge hug, and the lady pinches the cheek of Joe with an even bigger smile on her face before the duo head toward the back of the arena.] TD: While we get things cleaned up here at ringside, folks, let's take a special look at our next encounter -- a special Towel Match pitting "To Excess" Rick Williams against Portland legend Steve Sampson. [Cut to a video package. In slow-motion, black and white footage, Rick Williams is seen making his entrance in the IIWF Coliseum, several months ago. Displaying no emotion, he walks directly towards the camera.] VO: For Rick Williams, life hasn't always been fair. Devastated by the death of his mother... shunned by his family, professional wrestling provided an escape... an escape he took with both hands. [Cut to black and white slow-motion footage of Williams executing a fisherman's suplex on Christopher Stonebreaker, followed by a clip of him defeating Marty Warnett with the "Excessive Force" in the Ring Wars 5 blindfold match.] VO: A bitter and resentful man, he became a success. He called himself "the best wrestler in the world, with the exception of precisely nobody"... and maybe he was right. But when a man with a big history and a big reputation came to town... he made his feelings known. [Cut to footage of Williams calling out Steve Sampson on IIWF Saturday Night captioned April 25th.] RW: Now that the overrated beyond belief EWA has folded, the overrated beyond belief former EWA "stars" are making their way to the big league, being offered contracts by our ever-gullible president, who actually _believes_ the hype. VO: He couldn't handle it. [Cut to footage of Williams and Derek Mota double-teaming Sampson.] VO: For Steve Sampson, life has always been a battle... [Cut to a close-up of Sampson's face, displaying various scars collected throughout his career.] VO: ...a battle for respect. [Cut to a clip of Sampson acknowledging the support of the crowd on his first IIWF appearance, captioned April 25th.] VO: So, when a brash, arrogant young man questioned his reputation, questioned everything he had ever achieved, he couldn't back down. [Cut to footage of Sampson holding off the challenge of both Williams and Mota, followed by footage of Sampson and Robert Donovan battling Mota and Williams in the aisle.] VO: Tonight, it's not about accolades or championship belts. For one, it's about _ego_... a vicious determination to attain the plaudits he feels he's been denied for too long. For the other, it's about _pride_... a characteristic need to right a terrible wrong... to prove that a career spent earning his reputation has not been unmerited. [Cut to a split-screen shot of Derek Mota and Robert Donovan.] VO: But it's also about _trust_. [Cut to a slow-motion clip of the almost maniacal laughing face of Derek Mota, followed by a shot of an emotionless Robert Donovan.] VO: In their possession will be the ability to win and lose the match, but do these men _genuinely_ care. Does Derek Mota care if Rick Williams finds his ambitions floating in a sea of broken dreams? Will Robert Donovan lose any sleep if he signals a loss in a legend's career that will burn him up inside until his dying day? Maybe... but then again... maybe _not_.... [Cut back to ringside as the fans pop in anticipation of the next match.] SR: Dross, I think I know who's behind door number one. TD: You mean the special guest referee? SR: Yeah... I've thought this over, and I'm guessin' that it's a guy that really knows how to keep the peace. TD: And who might that be? SR: It's obvious, isn't it? [pauses and looks straight at Dross] John Wayne. TD: Uh, Steve, I think he's dead. SR: The Duke? Nah! Say it ain't so! TD: Sorry, Steve, but it's the truth. [A glum Steve Roberts shakes his head disappointedly.] TD: Now folks, it's time for the next exciting match on this night of nights. Let's get to Sparkplug for the ring introductions in this Towel Match between Rick Williams and Steve Sampson! _____ _____ \ __ \ / __ / | | \ \----------------------------------------------------------/ / | | | |_/ / TOWEL MATCH: \ \_| | | __ < "To Excess" Rick Williams (with Derek Mota) vs. > __ | | | \ \ Steve Sampson (with Robert Donovan) / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | /____/ WRITER: Joseph Wong \____\ [Camera cuts to Sparkplug Lee already in the ring. He reaches inside his right trouser pocket and fishes out a small card. He is about to speak when he finds that the card is upside down. He begins to turn his head anti-clockwise to get a better view of the writing before realising that the best thing to do would be to turn the card the right way up.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the next spectacular match is scheduled for one fall. It is a special no-disqualification, no-countout towel match! [Huge pop from the sold out Coliseum as the four corners of the ring erupt in vibrant bursts of alternating red, white, and blue fireworks. Sparkplug, obviously not expecting the bright and noisy display, drops to the ground in fear. After the brilliant show of light is over, Sparkplug regains a sense of composure and stands up again.] SR: Y'know, Dross, I think that ol' Danny-boy should just forget about all these fancy fireworks, and give the guy who really keeps the Double-Eye goin' a raise... TD: [sighs] And that would be you? SR: Well, it sure ain't Sparky. [Sparkplug brushes himself down and picks up the card that he dropped.] SL: [coughs] Ahem. The only way to stop the fight is to have your towel thrown into the ring by your corner man. The first man to have his towel thrown into the ring is the loser, and the other man is the... err... winner! [Another big pop from the crowd] SL: And now, the participants. First, accompanied by his corner man Derek Mota, from Minneapolis, Minnesota and weighing in at two hundred and fifty-seven pounds, he is 'To Excess' Rick Williams! [A huge heel pop erupts as "Local Hero" by Mark Knopfler begins playing over the P.A, and the two men who make up the Coalition walk out together. Mota carries a towel over his right shoulder, and as usual, Williams is chewing on a piece of gum. They stand at the entrance and smile smugly as they survey the fans around them, hands on hips. They begin walking down the aisle and begin riling up fans either side of the guardrail by taunting them. Williams, in particular, is talking to an especially irate fan, but as the fan gets even angrier, Williams laughs and walks away with a cocky smile on his face. When they get to the ring, Mota jumps up onto the apron and holds open the ropes for his partner to enter. A even wider grin spreads on his face, and he motions to Mota as if to say "what a guy!" As he steps through the ropes, the arena goes dark, and the crowd goes wild as a laser light show begins, flashing beams of red spelling out the letters TO EXCESS on the mat, as camera flashes begin to illuminate the pitch black.] SR: Now what was the point of that? A bunch of laser beams that nobody could even see! The moolah spent on that would've done a helluva lot better fundin' my Caribbean vacation with Shania Twain. TD: I think she's married, Steve. SR: She's just tryin' to find a way to break it to him, that's all. TD: Good grief. [The light show finishes and Sparkplug takes the microphone again] SL: And his opponent, from Vancouver, British Columbia, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, he is a Portland legend, "Superstar" Steve Sampson! [As "Fanfare for the Common Man" by Aaron Copland begins emanating from the P.A, an explosion of fire forces itself upward from either side of the entrance curtain. A massive face pop explodes as the "Superstar" emerges from the curtain and begins walking resolutely down the aisle, slapping hands with fans but with his sole attention on the two men in the ring.] TD: But he's alone. Conspicuous by his absence is Robert Donovan SR: Yeah, where is the big goof? [Just before Sampson is about to warily enter the ring under the middle and top ropes, "The Unforgiven" by Metallica blares from the loudspeaker. From the curtain steps the giant Robert Donovan, playing with the towel in his hands, and another big face pop flares as he begins walking confidently down the aisle, acknowledging the fans. As he enters the ring, stepping over the top rope, he looks at both Williams and Mota. Then, he turns and looks at Sampson who, just having come down from the top turnbuckle of the corner, is glaring at him with fierce determination. They walk to each other, and have a few words not picked up by the ringside microphones.] TD: I'm sure everybody would've loved to know what was just said there. SR: It was probably somethin' about how they were so lucky that "Soundbite" let 'em fight in HIS ring. Praise be to Black Jesus numero uno! TD: That's simply not true, Steve. [Sparkplug falls out of the ring and referee Earl Alfonso takes his place, checking both wrestlers for foreign objects. In William's corner, Mota is giving him some last minute instructions, whereas in Sampson's corner, the 'Superstar' is not even looking at his second, preferring to focus on Williams. Likewise, Donovan is acting very apathetically to the whole thing, gazing around the arena. When Mota finishes his instructions, Williams turns and walks stone-faced, except for the gum in his mouth, towards Sampson. Sampson moves to meet him and the two stand about a foot away from each other in the centre of the ring. They stand silently for a few seconds, and then Williams takes the gum from his mouth and throws it at Sampson's face, breaking the tension. Sampson makes no reaction for a few moments, before springing into Williams with a football tackle. He immediately starts laying into the fallen Williams with some vicious lefts and rights. As he does this, the bell rings.] TD: And we're underway to a fast start here! SR: I had a fast start once... TD: Please, no... We're on television sets all around the world! SR: Hey, so were we! [Sampson brings Williams to his feet and grabs him in a side headlock. They stand still for a couple of seconds before Williams inches Sampson to the ropes, where he then Irish whips him to the opposite ropes, but Sampson, with great speed and momentum, knocks a stationary Williams to the mat with a shoulder block. Sampson quickly slaps on a reverse chinlock on his opponent.] TD: There are certainly some issues going into this match. Can the "Superstar" trust his corner man to throw in the towel when he's in serious trouble, and not throw it when he's winning? SR: Hell no! Did you see them last Saturday? They weren't exactly buddy-buddy in their match together, and when Sampson was gettin' a beatdown by Williams at the main event, where was Donovan? probably out the back, wolfin' down some cheeseburgers. I betcha that Donovan's gonna throw this one the first chance he gets. Personally, I hope that he doesn't, 'cos then "To Excess" can show this bush league fool how things are done in the Double Eye. [Williams somehow finds a way to poke Sampson's eye with his thumb, and as the battle-scarred veteran breaks the hold to tend to his eye, 'To Excess' gets up and double-axes the back of Sampson, causing him to drop to the ground. Then, he applies his own chinlock.] TD: Rick Williams can't exactly put too much faith in his second, either. Derek Mota isn't known for his great sense of camaraderie. SR: Don't bag Mota... I'd trust him with money. Of course... someone else's money. [As the fans begin to slow-clap, trying to encourage Sampson, he slowly begins to rise to his feet and attacks the mid-section of Williams with a couple of well-placed elbows. He then fires himself off the far rope and knocks Williams down with a lariat. Crowd pops! He attacks William's right arm with a kneedrop, then with a legdrop, before moving him into a sitting position and applying an armbar.] TD: Pretty even so far -- the Superstar's gone straight to working on the injured arm of Rick Williams. This should be a good scientific match-up, since these two are great ring technicians. SR: Good scientific match-up? Isn't that another way of saying, "kill me quickly"? Besides, what's the no-DQ for, if you ain't gonna use it? It's not there just to make a harder ring announcement for Sparky, it's there so we get to see some juice! [Williams, obviously in pain, shakes his head as he looks at Mota, to say that he doesn't want to give up. Sampson then strangely breaks the hold and pulls Williams to his feet. He twists William's right arm around and takes the bigger man off his feet with a short clothesline. Then he reapplies the armbar, until he takes a look round at his corner, where Robert Donovan is throwing his towel hand-to-hand lackadaisically. Sampson, incensed, breaks the hold and immediately walks over to the seven-footer and throws up his arms, asking him what he thinks he's doing.] SR: Big mistake here. Gotta watch the guy you're fightin', Mr _Superstar_. [Soundbite's words are wise, as the quickly-recovered Williams stuns Sampson with an elbow to the kidneys. Then he spins him around and kicks him in the gut. As he is leaned over, Williams turns him over and drops him in an inverted DDT right in front of an apparently uncaring Donovan. Big heel pop!] TD: The tide's turned here. Williams taking control as his arm seems to have recovered rapidly. [Williams whips Sampson to his corner and follows up with a shoulder to his mid-section. Mota gets in a few shots on Superstar before Alfonso stops him.] SR: What?! Can he do that to Mota? TD: Looks like he just did, Steve. [Williams then snap mares Sampson out of the corner to the centre of the ring. and pulls a pair of brass knuckles from his tights and drives them into the right arm of Sampson who grimaces in pain. Then he lifts Sampson's head and hits him with a few punches.] TD: Williams is really laying into him now with those knuckles. SR: Oh yeah, brass is where it's at, baby dolls. [Williams throws the knuckles out of the ring and lifts a woozy Sampson to his feet, grabbing him in a front facelock and driving his head to the canvas with a fisherman's buster. He quickly gets up to a big heel pop and motions for Donovan to throw in the towel. Donovan seems to be thinking about, but apparently decides against it.] TD: Donovan looking very disinterested at this point, as Williams just dropped the "Superstar" with that cradle DDT. [Williams picks Sampson up again and slowly sets him for a suplex, but perhaps hesitates for a moment too long, as unbelievably, Sampson quickly grabs William's head, puts it under his arm and explodes with a destructive tornado DDT! Face pop!] TD: Wow! Where did that come from!? Sampson looked like he was out, but pulled that one out of his bag of tricks. SR: Yeah, yeah, lucky move... [Both men lie prone on the mat and the two corner-men glance at each other before returning their attention to the fallen wrestlers. Finally, as Williams stirs, Sampson sits-up Undertaker-style. Another big face pop! He gets to his feet and scoops up Williams, then dumps him back to the canvas, measuring him with a fist-drop. He then picks him up again, and while holding William's right arm with his right hand, cuts into him with a couple of knife-edged chops. A small section of the crowd cries "Whoo!"] SR: Huh? Is Flare back? TD: Now there's a name from the past. [Sampson attempts to Irish whip Williams to the ropes, but he reverses it, and as Sampson hits the ropes, he inadvertently knocks Donovan to the ring floor with an elbow. He then stops and turns around to check on his comrade, but this was not advisable as Williams ejects Sampson from the ring with a standing dropkick to the back of the head, landing on top of Donovan, staggering to his feet.] TD: Sampson didn't mean to do that, but things could get ugly here. SR: Yeah, right... With Sampson and Donovan there, it couldn't get much uglier. Even Morton looks better than those two. [Donovan and Sampson rise to their feet and start having words. Donovan pushes Sampson back as he gets too close, and Sampson retaliates by pushing back. A fight looks imminent, until Williams, with a big warning pop from the crowd, interrupts the gathering with a flying clothesline from the top rope on Sampson. Donovan just looks on.] TD: What a high-risk manoeuvre by Williams! He could've really done himself some damage on that one! [Williams slowly gets to his feet and grabs Sampson, throwing him into the ringpost with a dull thud. He picks him up, and pounds his head into the ringsteps twice. Again, Sampson is looking woozy, and Williams is relentless, firing him into the guardrail.] TD: This one's quickly breaking down, as Williams regains control. SR: And the juice is beginning to flow! Bring it on! [Blood is spurting from a nasty-looking gash on Sampson's forehead, and Williams is beginning to get stained with it. Ignoring it, he picks him up again and throws him into another set of ringsteps, this time those closest to his own corner, and of course, Derek Mota.] TD: Trouble for Sampson here. SR: Another drugs test? TD: That's Ike, Steve. SR: Well, where's Tina? [Williams begins stomping away at Sampson, especially at his arm, and worsens the cut on Sampson's forehead by slamming it into a guardrail. As Donovan walks over from his corner to get a better view of the action, Williams cocks his fist back to punch Sampson, only to smack referee Earl Alfonso, who has followed the action, square in the jaw with his elbow. The referee drops immediately to the ground, seemingly out cold.] TD: Oh no! It's not looking good for Sampson now. He's got an open wound and three potential opponents out there! [And so he does, as Mota lifts Sampson up and holds him in a full nelson for Williams to whack him in the midsection with a ringside chair that he has picked up. Sampson doubles over in pain, and both Mota and Williams begin laying the boots to him. Meanwhile, Donovan is getting closer to the action, but is not doing anything. The Coalition continues double-teaming Sampson, before they notice Donovan edging closer. The two stop, and the crowd begins to jeer emphatically when Donovan gives them a grin and a thumbs-up signal. Mota and Williams return the signal, and return to Sampson.] SR: At least the big lug's playin' for the right team... [Williams grabs Sampson in a full nelson, and Mota picks up the chair, shaping to hit him in the middle of his face.] TD: Good heavens, no! This could cause him some permanent facial damage! SR: Hey, anything's an improvement on what he's got already... Swing away! Bring on the bone-breakin'! [He is about to level Sampson, when he gets a tap on the shoulder from Donovan. He wants to be the one to destroy Sampson! Mota gives him the chair, to a gigantic round of boos for the former Portland favourite.] SR: Oh yeah! The bigger they are, the harder the ker-rack! TD: I cannot believe this is actually happening. It looks like Donovan is going to turn on his former ally. [Donovan gets in a couple of practice swings, before pulling back with all the power of a major-league slugger and then swinging forward, connecting with...] TD: Oh my! Did you hear that shot?! SR: Hear it? That was almost as loud as the scream of the waitress I had last night! [...a big KERR-RACK on top of Derek Mota's head! Enormous face pop! Mota drops to the ground like a rock. Williams, in outrage, drops Sampson to confront the much larger Donovan, only to be met by a big boot to the stomach, and a scoop into a gorilla press slam. The bloodied Sampson slowly staggers to his feet with the help of the guardrail, and nods in thanks to Donovan. Donovan grins at him and puts a few shots to the head of Derek Mota, who is still lying on the ground, before returning to his corner.] TD: We know which side Robert Donovan's on now! SR: Well, he is a moron... He's stickin' with the guy who's basically outta this one. [Williams regains his senses and immediately runs at Sampson, who instinctively drops his head and throws Williams over his shoulder with a back-body drop. Big face pop!] TD: Where did that come from?! Sampson, bloodied and beaten, certainly showing some great intestinal fortitude here! SR: Intestines? What is this? A biology lesson? [Sampson, who dropped to his knees with the effort used to pull off that move, finally gets up and walks painfully slowly over to Williams. He picks him up and barely lifts him up into a vertical suplex position. Then. he spins around and drops Williams on the floor. Another big face pop!] TD: That's six-foot-four, two hundred and fifty-seven pounds Sampson just suplexed on the hard ring floor! [Sampson gets up lethargically once more and scoops up Williams, bodyslamming him over the guardrail and into some seated IIWF fans.] SR: There ya go, you morons... You just got value for your money... [Sampson grabs Williams from behind the railing, and leans William's back across it, before thumping his chest with a couple of clubbing blows. However, this is short-lived as Williams grabs Sampson's head in a three-quarter nelson, and drops to the ground, causing Sampson to bang his bleeding head against the steel railing.] TD: Excess Express! Excess Express on the steel railing! SR: Goodnight, Mr. _Superstar_... The Double-Eye was fun while it lasted, huh? [Williams plays up to the crowd before climbing over the guardrail and wrapping a microphone rope around Sampson's neck, throwing him roughly into the ring.] TD: We're finally back in the ring, and it looks like Earl Alfonso is getting back on the job... [The referee starts shaking off the cobwebs from his knockdown and speedily re-enters the ring, as does Williams.] SR: Rob, you'd better chuck that towel in the ring now, or your boy's gonna be in a world of hurt pretty soon... [Donovan looks on intently and unlike before, is very serious in his demeanour. He is thinking about throwing in the towel, looking all around the crowd for an answer. Following the crowd's reaction, he decides against it, and calls out some encouragement to his man.] TD: Donovan just doesn't know what to do at the moment... Sampson is just laid out in the centre of the ring, but he doesn't want to be the one who causes Sampson the match. SR: If he don't throw it soon, Sampson's career here in the Double Eye could be one of the shortest ever! [Williams places the groggy Sampson on his feet, before whipping him to his corner, where Derek Mota has just returned. Williams runs and connects on Sampson's head with a forearm smash, and then starts a two-handed choke on the barely conscious Sampson. The referee begins a count on Williams who breaks, but then goes straight back to the move.] SR: What's Alfonso doin'? Don't he know that this is no-DQ? TD: Yes, I think he does, but he here to make sure things don't get too out of control. SR: Oh yeah, he's done a _great_ job so far... That ain't ketchup pourin' from Sampson's head, now is it? [Williams finally breaks off, and is given a reprimand by Alfonso out of the corner. However, Mota is back with a vengeance as he begins choking Sampson with the tag rope. Donovan, seeing this, drops his towel out of the ring, and runs in to stop the cheating. He is met by the referee, who motions for him to get back to his corner.] TD: This is beginning to turn into a tag team match... SR: I hope not. I've already seen a couple tonight, and I'm ready for a nice piece of ass and a bed already... [Meanwhile, Williams has joined Mota to double-team Sampson. Just before Earl Alfonso turns around, Mota jumps to the ring floor with the rope still in his hand, and when it goes taut, he finally lets go, snapping Sampson's head forward, launching him to the mat. Williams grins pretentiously at the crowd who are booing heavily, in support of their hometown hero.] TD: This crowd is definitely behind the 'Superstar'... SR: So what? Look at him -- lying on the floor like some drunk bum after happy hour. [Williams stands over Sampson, one leg to either side of Sampson's body, and begins paintbrushing him disrespectfully, before standing up fully and stomping haphazardly on the right arm of Sampson.] TD: Now it's Williams working on the right arm... a popular body part tonight. SR: No, Dross, it's all in the wrist, all in the wrist... TD: Err... right, Steve. [Williams stands up and grins at the crowd, again to a chorus of boos. Then he grabs Sampson's head and pulls it close to his, before yelling 'We're going back to the future, _Superstar_!' straight in his face. As he does this, he locks the fujiwara armbar on the hurt right arm of Sampson.] TD: Oh my! That's the same painful move Chris Quigley used to take Dan Kauffman out of the Double-Eye at Ring Wars Three! SR: Well, "To Excess" said he was gonna beat him "IIWF-Style", but why, of all the people he coulda copied, why Quigley!? TD: Sampson isn't going to be able to take much of this... Donovan should be thinking about that towel right about now. [And he is, as he stares in the pain-wracked, but defiant face of Steve Sampson, an anxious look on his face. He is torn for an agonisingly long time, as the pain of Sampson grows. As Sampson keeps shaking his head and Williams calls for him to throw it all in, Donovan finally gives in, and heaves the towel into the ring...] SR: This one's gone, Donovan's gone chicken! [...only to be caught by Steve Sampson, who has amazingly broken free of the devastating armbar, and thrown it several rows back into the crowd! A pop to raise the roof!] TD: He broke free! Sampson just broke free from the fujiwara armbar and got the towel out of the ring before it hit the mat! What strength and guts! SR: Yeah, yeah... Not bad... But you want guts? Look it up under 'The Fury'. There's a guy with balls. Spreadbury, he'd better get out of the main event in one piece, or so help me, I'm gonna rip... TD: O...kay then! Back to the match, look at this comeback! [Sampson, favouring his right arm heavily, returns to a shocked Rick Williams, who backs off to try and regather his thoughts, but the 'Superstar', seemingly rejuvenated by that burst of adrenaline, goes immediately onto the attack, jabbing away at the still-incredulous Williams.] TD: Sampson has a new lease of life here with the breaking of the armbar. Let's see what he has left! [Sampson, still feeling the blood rushing through his veins, and out of his head, lifts Williams up high and drops him, stomach-first, onto his knee.] TD: Sampson is bleeding heavily, but he's still fighting on, that time with a great gutbuster! [Sampson works the crowd to a great response, before picking Williams up again and applying another arm wringer on his right arm. He keeps the hold for a few seconds, before jumping high in the air and back down again, trying to hyperextend the shoulder of Williams. Then he leads Williams, still in the arm-wringer, over to a neutral corner, where he climbs over to the apron, and drops to the ring floor, almost ripping William's shoulder out of it's socket. Big pop as Williams goes down in anguish!] TD: Wow! You could hear the pop of William's arm from here! SR: They've got that towel back from the animals now... [As Sampson climbs back into the ring, Donovan also returns from the crowd, where he has retrieved the towel that Sampson threw. Sampson goes to Williams without delay, snapping on a standing armbar before throwing him to the far ropes. Sampson, too, fires himself to the ropes, but unfortunately for him, instead of shooting off the ropes, he finds himself falling onto the covered concrete floor as Derek Mota pulled down the top rope. Big heel pop as the referee reprimands Mota, who gives a "who, me?" look.] TD: Mota getting involved again... SR: And why not? Hell, they're a Coalition -- that's what they do... [It is now Williams who is slow to get up, but when he sees Sampson on the outside, he puts on a burst of speed and launches himself out of the ring between the top and middle ropes, and onto Sampson in a suicide dive. Heel pop!] SR: Whaddya doin', Rick? You ain't some idiot cruiser! TD: And the action's spilled out to the floor again. [Williams is the first to get up, and he immediately attacks the left knee of Sampson, which seemed to hit the ground awkwardly when Williams dived onto him. Donovan goes round to aide his man, but is stopped from doing so by Alfonso. Williams, a smug grin once again on his face, decorated with the blood of Sampson, drags Sampson over to the railing and drapes his knees over the steel, before attacking the left knee with stiff elbows.] TD: Williams is now turning his attention to the knee of the hot newcomer to the IIWF. Looked like he landed badly on it during that fall. SR: And "To Excess" definitely knows how to take advantage of a situation like this... Break it, Rick! Break it! [Williams tosses Sampson off the railing, and back to the ring floor, before rolling him back into the ring. Williams then knocks an official off his chair and takes it, throwing it into the centre of ring. As the referee is following Williams, he misses Mota come in the ring and sweep the legs of Sampson, who is trying to pull himself up with the ring ropes, out from under him. Another big heel pop follows.] TD: More illegal tactics from the Coalition... SR: Illegal? Who cares? If Sampson didn't know what he was in for, he shouldn't have signed on the dotted line to join the Double Eye... Things are tough up in the fed where the big boys play... [Williams seizes the opportunity to lock on a scorpion deathlock close to his corner, looking directly at Robert Donovan, who is still calling out encouragement to his ally. As this is happening, Mota is just taunting Sampson. Williams then just lets go of the hold, and drags Sampson over to his corner's ringpost, where he jumps out of the ring, and wraps his legs around the post in a 'four' shape, locking on a figure-four leglock soon after. After many cries of torment from Sampson, Donovan has had enough, and he runs outside the ring to kick Williams, breaking the hold before Mota or Alfonso can get to him. The crowd readily agrees with the move, but as Alfonso leads Donovan away, it gives Mota and Williams the opportunity to double-team again, as they stomp away on Sampson's left knee. As the referee turns around again, they both throw Sampson back into the ring, which is empty, save for the forgotten chair.] TD: That had to be done by Donovan... Sampson wouldn't have been able to take much more punishment like that. SR: And I thought you said he had guts? TD: He does! But there is a limit to the amount one man can take! SR: Excuses, Dross, excuses... It's just not good enough. [Mota and Williams high-five each other, and Williams stalks back into the ring for the 'kill'. The ring is now stained crimson red with the blood of Sampson, although, with the amount of blood covering Williams, it is hard to know who's blood it actually is anymore. Williams stands over Sampson, and looks around the jeering crowd once again, shaking his head. He centres the chair in the middle of the ring again, and brings Sampson over to the chair. He sticks Sampson's head between his legs in a head-scissors and sneers at the crowd with disdain.] TD: Is this going to be a powerbomb onto the chair? If it is, it's going to be all over. Donovan will have no choice but to throw his towel in. SR: I love moves like these, in fact, I think every match should start with a chair. It'd make those damn tag matches a bit more interestin'. [Williams is taking his time, and this is to his detriment, as again, with some unknown energy reserve, Sampson raises his back, throwing Williams over and onto the chair! Huge, huge face pop!] TD: Where is this strength coming from? It's absolutely astounding, considering the beating Sampson has taken, that he can even stand, let along compete! SR: Hey! I think Williams' arm hit that chair again! [And it did, as Williams rolls off the collapsed steel chair favouring his right arm. However, he gets up quicker than Sampson, who, as he could not support much weight on his left leg, dropped to the ground to collective gasps from the crowd.] TD: I think Sampson's leg is gone, this one can't go on for much longer... SR: I don't think that the Excessive One's arm is sittin' too pretty, either. TD: Both are blood-spattered and looking the worse for wear. [Williams, the sneer wiped from his face, is full of rage as he quickly runs over and sets him up for another figure-four. However, as Williams is about to fall back to seal Sampson's fate, the "Superstar" grabs hold of William's right arm and locks it into the middle of the "four" shape of his legs, then grabs hold of the arm with his free right hand, so as Williams tries to rock back to lock in the figure-four, he causes even more pain to himself as it stretches itself to it's limits. Meanwhile, Sampson's left leg is also in extreme pain, being locked in a modified version of a standing figure-four. A mixed pop filters through the air.] TD: Can you believe it!? Both men caught in an excruciating submission hold, how long can they hang on? SR: If it was me, I'd be in there forever, 'cos as every beautiful babe knows, the Soundbite's got major stayin' power. [It is a stalemate in the middle of the ring, as neither man is willing to give up the hold they have. Both corner men are studying their wrestler's face intently, searching for any sign of wavering, but finding none.] TD: Williams can not get his arm free of Sampson's death grip, and the leglock of Williams is secure around Sampson's knee. It all depends on the corner-men now! [Both corners are now very nervous. Mota is pacing the ring apron, glancing sporadically at the action in the middle of the ring, while Donovan holds his hair with his hands. Williams and Sampson are both trying to free themselves of the opponent's hold.] SR: Someone's gotta give... or somethin's gotta break pretty soon... [The men in the ring are starting to lose the struggle with the pain barrier, and their eyes begin to show signs of this. Their heads may be shaking "no," but their bodies are definitely saying "YES!"] TD: The match isn't important now... If this continues any longer, both of these men won't be able to get into a ring again! For the love of God, someone throw a towel now! [The noise from the crowd is rising to a crescendo, in support of the two men. Finally, the moment of truth comes.] TD: Both seconds are about ready to give it up now! Who's going to throw his towel in first?! [The two corners agonise over their decision, concentrating solely on their comrades. Then, unable to bear it anymore, both seconds throw their respective towels into the ring and turn away. Earl Alfonso has a good look, and calls for the bell to ring, with a mixed pop heard from the crowd. DING! DING! DING!] TD: And this one's finally over! What a match! But the question is, whose towel dropped first!? Mota threw his towel higher, but Donovan threw his longer! [As both corner men run to separate the exhausted and crimson-covered combatants, Sparkplug Lee gets the result from the referee, and moves to the centre of the ring, microphone in hand.] SR: C'mon, give it to the guy that deserves it! Give it to Williams! TD: Steve, both men deserved to win this match. SR: Yeah, but Sampson's a fool! [Trying to avoid the blood which is left all around the ring, Sparkplug almost slips and falls, further adding to the suspense, and drawing a terse booing from the sell-out audience. He finally finds his feet, and begins to speak.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match is... [The crowd is hushed as Sparkplug tries to recall who won. He finally remembers.] SL: The winner of this match is... nobody! The result is a draw! [This call draws a mixed pop from the crowd, wanting the fan favourite to win, but also recognising that both men put in outstanding displays.] SR: What!? TD: A fair result for a fair contest. SR: Whatever you say, Dross. Williams was robbed! [Both seconds stop tending to their wrestler to begin questioning the referee about the result. After a few seconds of ineffective arguing, Mota gives it up and rolls Williams out of the ring and leads him up the aisle, back to the locker rooms. Meanwhile, Donovan is still arguing with the referee.] SR: Hey, what the hell's this? [The crowd gives another warning pop as a figure in a hooded tracksuit, who has a physique uncannily like that of Bear, emerges from under the ring, and slides under the bottom rope, unbeknownst to Donovan or the referee. He quickly moves over to a gradually rising Sampson, who is trying to see if his left leg will support any weight, and scissors his head swiftly with his legs. Then he lifts him into a piledriver position and falls forward, in the style of Bear's finishing move.] TD: The hooded man who came out last week on Saturday Night has struck again with a face-first piledriver! SR: That ain't a face-first piledriver, Dross... I've stayed awake at a couple of the Preds' tag matches, and I know the Kodiak Driver when I see it! TD: You have no proof of that, Steve. SR: Hey, if it walks like a goof, looks like a goof, and piledrives like a goof, I call it a goof... [Donovan finally turns around, only to see the hooded figure escape from the ring, just before Donovan can hit it with one of his huge forearms. Then, he goes back to tend to Sampson, who has begun to bleed again.] TD: Sampson's taken some rough treatment here. SR: Welcome to the wonderful world of the Double Eye, _Superstar_. It gets even better from here. [Donovan and Alfonso help the terrible-looking Sampson to his feet to a great crowd cheer. "Fanfare for the Common Man" plays on the P.A. again, and many of the audience stand and applaud the brave warrior as he limps from the ring, being supported by Donovan. An alternating chant of "SAMP-SON!" and "DON-O-VAN!" begins, growing as the two get closer to the ring curtain.] SR: What's this for? He got beaten to a pulp, he didn't win and he gets his music played and a standing ovation? Man, these fools are stupid. TD: I would suggest that matters are not settled between Rick Williams and Steve Sampson here tonight, folks. We'll be right back in a few moments with an on-the-spot Meatman Challenge report from Larry Morton, after this reminder of some of the special Birthday Bash merchandise that you can order right now! [Cut to a pre-recorded segment. Cheesy musak plays in the background as Steve "The Fury" Kowalski stands next to the IIWF souvenir booth. A fan buys a t-Shirt.] SK: Whatcha got there? Fan: An IIWF "Birthday Bash '98" T-Shirt. Only $18. SK: Hmm... [walks up] Nice... but it's missing something, don'tcha think, guys? [Deathbringer, Shadoe Rage, Jimmy "Meatman" Steele, Duncan Macbeth and Lt. Jack Blazer all walk up.] All: Yeah, yeah... needs work... something else... SK: [emptying pitcher of booze on shirt] Like a little beer! Man: Hey! JS: [tossing ground beef] Or some hamburger! SR: [sucker-punching fan in the nose] Blood never hurts! Man: OW! * cough, cough * JB: [flinging man into dumpster] Remember to recycle! Man: Whoooa! DM: [dumping bowl of his favourite dish on man] A spot'o Haggis'll do ye right, wha'! DB: [scooping up man by neck] Still needs some cemetery dirt... Man: Noooo! VO: Get your "IIWF Birthday Bash" T-shirt for only $18! Call 1-800-GET-IIWF today! All proceeds go to the Simon Bratt Scholarship Fund. [Another man approaches the gift shop.] SK: Whatcha got there? Man: A "Birthday Bash" t-shirt... why? [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: Call to order your official Birthday Bash merchandise right now, folks! Only while stocks last! Okay, let's go back down to Emeryville, California, and find out what's up in the Meatman Challenge. Larry? [The camera fades back to the Meatman Industries Plant. Valtharius and Steele are still cramped in their cages on the conveyor. Near the conveyor is a group of about thirty men and women. They are all dressed poorly, with earth shoes and bad haircuts. More importantly, they are all carrying baseball bats, and chanting "Meat is Murder!"] SR: The Smiths. A great band. [Larry puts down a sausage link, wipes his hands on his pants, and begins speaking.] LM: Tim, Steve? Dexter disappeared a little while ago, and this group appeared. Apparently they are part of the Meatman Challenge. They are chanting anti-meat slogans, similar to what Grizzly Gaines' brother George chanted. I have no idea who these people are, and... [The screens starts up again, and another black and white footage is shown of a kitchen. A woman is taking a steak and hitting it with a mallet, while the narrator speaks.] VO: Meatman Industries suggests to always tenderise your meat before cooking, to add flavour to the meat. [The screen fades to a picture of Dexter Gilbreath. Dexter begins to speak.] DG: My friends here are a small splinter group of the S.P.C.A. They might even be considered the Khmer Rouge of the S.P.C.A. I have invited them here tonight. Come, my friends, help tenderise our two cutlets. [At his command, the thirty men and women run over to the cages and begin bashing them with the baseball bats. Both Valtharius and Steele attempt to block the blows, but they are not in a position to defend themselves, and many of the bats hit their marks.] LM: This is disgusting! This isn't wrestling... it's a mob scene. They're trying to kill Valtharius and the Meatman! SR: I think that's the idea. [Valtharius and Steele and getting blasted with the metal bats, and each man looks alternatively frightened and angry. Jimmy Steele is trying to grab one of the bats, without much success. Valtharius goes for a simpler approach.] LM: Valtharius grabs the head of one of the group! He's pulling the guy's head inside the cage... he's biting it! He's biting the guy in the face! SR: High in protein, chock full of vitamins. [Dexter reappears on the screen.] DG: Get him! Cave his skull in if you need to. [Another blast by a baseball bat forces Valtharius to release the guy. Blood is on Valtharius' mouth, and covers the guy's face. Valtharius can barely move his head, and is staring straight at the screen... and at Dexter.] TD: I do not like the look of Valtharius right now. SR: I never liked the looks of the guy. He's ugly as sin. But if he gets his hands on Mister Gilbreath, the world will be short one sadistic tree-hugger. [The beatings continue. Steele and Valtharius are both forces to cover their faces while the bats descend upon them. Finally, a whistle blows, the group disperse (after a final few shots) and Dexter's face appears on the screen again.] DG: I believe the cutlets are tenderised enough. Soon, it will be time for... SR: Gilbreath, you sick bastard. Why don't you just cut their throats? DG: [looking shocked.] My dear sir. I am a scientist, not a butcher. But now it is time to remove their hair, and... the outer layer of skin. [Dexter's face disappears from the screen.] LM: Skin? TD: This is sickening. SR: It's watching a car accident in slow-motion, Dross. You don't want to watch, but you can't help it. [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside as Morton stares blankly up at the now empty screen.] TD: Folks, we'll go back to the Meatman Challenge as soon as we have any new developments -- but right now, it's time for our next match here in the Coliseum, as the Down Boys wrestle their farewell bout against the Natural Predators. SR: Blah blah blah. This match is gonna be boring as hell. Besides, what if the Fury doesn't show up?! The IIWF will NEVER live that one down! TD: Would you calm down?! We've got plenty of matches yet to go before we find out what happens in that situation. SR: Dross, this is the Fury we're talking about! The King of the IIWF! Man, would somebody get me some Prozac?! I'm goin' crazy here. TD: Just calm down and get some rest. Lay your head down if you want. SR: Thought you'd never ask! [puts down a pillow and starts to snore.] TD: Steve...! Oh, never mind. _____ _____ \ __ \ / __ / | | \ \ / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | | __ < "IT'S FUN TO BE UNEMPLOYED" FAREWELL TOUR MATCH: > __ | | | \ \ Down Boys vs. Natural Predators / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | /____/ WRITER: Dan Kondziela \____\ [Sparkplug Lee steps into the spotlight in the centre of the ring and raises the microphone once more:] SL: Oh! [Clears his throat.] Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the final match in the "It's Fun To Be Unemployed" Farewell Tour! [Big pop for the expected arrival of the Down Boys.] SL: First, coming down the aisle, wrestling their last IIWF match, at a combined weight of 457lbs, "Superstud" Adam Peterson, "Dazzling" Dan Oliver, they are... THE DOWN BOYS!!!! [Every fan in the building gives a standing ovation for the team. The Boys come out as "Down Boys" by Warrant starts up for what could be the last time. The two slap as many hands as they can. All the while, the fans are singing along with Jani Lane's recorded voice. The fans are clearly pumped to be in the building to watch the Boys wrestle one more time. As they hit the ring, several loud fireworks go off for them. The fans cheer in appreciation.] TD: Wow, just listen to these fans explode for the Down Boys! This is clearly an emotional situation, don't you think, Steve? Steve? STEVE! [Steve Roberts just snores as the festivities roll on. As the DB's hit the ring, "The Child (Inside)" by Qkumba Zoo starts up.] TD: Apparently some new music for the Predators? [Bear comes out, apparently very psyched for the match, as Grey Phoenix takes his time, walking to the ring closely followed by Kuyler Greyson. The Predators enter the ring and show off to their fans before taking off their garb. Just as Kuyler is about to leave the ring, a voice rings over the speakers.] TD: Apparently, Awesome T has something to say to the Predators. AT: You know something, Kuyler? Our boys have been battling for some time, and I think you'll agree with me that we were what made the IIWF tag team scene. SR: Yeah, made the competition run in fear of getting their butts plugged. TD: Gee, nice to see you've joined us. SR: [snores] AT: Because you know something, Kuyler? The Down Boys and the Natural Predators are tag teams. They're not singles wrestlers dragging around no-talents by the kiwis. They're not names from other federations attempting to make names for themselves in the IIWF. They're not mediocre singles guys trying to get over by tagging with each other. They're tag team wrestlers, and since the scene is dying slower than all of Joey's, Meatman's, and Gunnar's kids combined, I think, before the Down Boys leave, that we should treat the fans to a best two out of three falls match, to show them what true tag team wrestling looks like. [The crowd pops as the Predators think it over. They nod in agreement. Dave D'Amato signals to Sparkplug Lee] SL: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been informed by referee Dave D'Amato that this is now a best of three falls match! [The crowd pops as the decision is announced.] TD: Oh my, this could be very gruelling. SR: To watch. TD: Steve... SR: [snores] TD: Good grief. [The bell rings as Bear starts up against Adam Peterson.] SR: What a dork! Sparky forgot to introduce Rocky and Bullwinkle! TD: A slight mishap, I'm sure. SR: Gee, maybe he thinks they're boring. TD: Please, let's not get into that again. [The bell rings as Bear starts up against Adam Peterson. Bear gets a collar and elbow lockup with Peterson, steps between Peterson's legs, hooks his ankle, and pushes him down, still holding the tie up as a pinning move. Peterson promptly kicks out. Bear then lifts Adam from the mat and slams him back down in a spinebuster-like move. Without taking a moment from there, Bear grabs Adam's legs and performs a Giant Swing. Dan Oliver then tries interfering. Bear promptly drops Peterson on his back painfully. Bear meets Oliver with a side kick to his gut, kicks him in the knee to knock him over, then lifts Peterson and sidewalk slams him onto Oliver's back. Bear then growls to the crowd, who cheer in return.] TD: Wow, amazing power from the massive Bear. [Faint music is heard in the background.] TD: Steve Roberts, what are you doing? [Steve Roberts can't hear as the music's blasting in his ears. Dross hits the button.] SR: DAMN YOU! TD: What in the world are you listening to? SR: Rob Halford's new band, Two. They've got this cool disc out called "Voyeurs" that kicks ass. "I Am A Pig" and "Gimp" are two of the coolest songs I've heard in a while. TD: Gee, doing a little free advertising for Nothing Records, I see. SR: Nope, they had to pay me big bucks. [The Down Boys have recovered by now and charge Bear. They leap for a double dropkick but Bear swats them aside.] TD: These two just do not know what to do against the massive Bear. [The two get up again and try for a double piledriver. As they try to lift him up, Bear lifts them up as if for a backdrop, only to slam them back down with a hyper-spinebuster.] SR: Jesus Christ, why is this guy hanging around those losers at ringside? He should join me and my boy Smooth. [Bear then picks up Peterson and double underhooks his arms.] SR: No, he is NOT doing what I think he's doing! If he does, he's a dead man. [SKULLPUMP! The fans give a confused look to Bear. Bear walks over to the camera.] Bear: Oops! Guess you clowns guessed it... Kowalski just skullpumped Peterson! SR: Aw, Dross, that makes me mad. And I was in such a good mood until that [BLEEP]in' [BLEEP] had to go and poke fun at the Fury. He's the toughest son of a bitch to ever step foot in a wrestling ring, Dross, and... TD: [interrupting] What the hell is Bear doing? [Bear picks Peterson up and nails him with a... Body Plex?!] SR: Alright, what the hell is he doing? First Kowalski's move, now Mota's. TD: I don't understand this at all. [Bear goes for the cover, but Peterson kicks out again.] Bear: What? Don't be telling me that Derek Mota dressed up like this for no reason! Whine, whine, whine, eh? SR: Alright, I want answers! What in the hell is that oaf doing? [Bear goes over and tags in Grey Phoenix. Grey Phoenix leaps for an enzuigiri that drops Peterson into a DDT from Bear. The two go over to the corner again. Bear tags back in. He lifts Adam up for a powerslam, followed by an elbowdrop. He then hits his "Kodiak Drive" before tagging back to Phoenix.] TD: Nice quick tags keeping the Predators on top here. [Phoenix hits a snap suplex, followed by a standing dropkick and a spinwheel kick. Phoenix tags back to Bear. Peterson sees Bear and attempts to superkick him, but Bear keeps his head down. Peterson turns around and is greeted with a superkick by Grey Phoenux, which knocks Adam back into a belly-to-back suplex by Bear.] TD: NATURAL SELECTION! 1-2-3! This fall is over! Great work by the Predators! SL: The winners of the first fall, THE NATURAL PREDATORS! TD: The Down Boys look absolutely lost in there against the monstrous Bear. SR: Well, whaddya want? He's a big blithering idiot. Ya get that twerp Phoenix in there and they'll kick some ass. TD: These two really have to regroup and think things over. They also need to capitalize when Grey Phoenix is in because they're going nowhere when Bear is in. [Grey Phoenix elects to start the second fall against Dan Oliver. The two lock up and Grey Phoenix hiptosses Dan to the mat, but Dan holds on and flips Phoenix over himself. The two get up and charge each other. Phoenix sidesteps and hits a side kick, then follows up with a Michinoku Driver. Phoenix tosses Oliver to the ropes and tries for a leaping sunset flip, but Dan stops short, grabs Phoenix's head and plants it into the mat. He then leaps up to the top and hits a springboard hurricanrana into a cradle but Phoenix kicks out at one and a half. The fans cheer for the fast-paced moves. Dan then levels Phoenix with his own Michinoku Driver. He then goes up to the top and hitss a moonsault legdrop that earns him a two count. Peterson then tags in and hits a Dragon Screw legwhip. He then tosses Phoenix int othe ropes. Peterson ducks while Oliver goes up high, as they hit a move reminiscent of Total Elimination. As Phoenix comes down, his neck hits hard and an audible snap is heard. The crowd gasps as Phoenix holds his neck in pain. TD: Oh my! Phoenix looks hurt. Luckily he heads over and tags Bear in. Bear looks mighty angry! SR: Well, if your partner couldn't crane his neck to...... TD: Don't even think about it! SR: What? [Bear charges and hits a tackle, then rains punches down on Peterson's head. The ref attempts to pull Bear off, but is not successful. Suddenly, a transcending calm comes across Bear's body. He calmly picks Adam up and hits a Sanitybreaker.] SR: Great, now he's imitating the brain surgeon. BORING!!! [Bear flings Peterson down to the mat and turns to the camera.] Bear: Oh my God! Make-up! SR: What the hell did that mean?! TD: I have no idea. [Bear then nails a vertical suplex before tagging out to Phoenix. Phoenix holds his neck as he enters the ring. He goes over and tries to lift Peterson but Peterson punches Phoenix's neck. Phoenix grabs his neck, but Adam wastes no time in executing a Running Liger Bomb. This puts them in the Down Boys' corner. Adam tags out to Dan, then hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Dan climbs to the top.] TD: Here comes the Unskinny Bop! [As Adam holds Phoenix still over his leg, Dan comes off with a 450 degree splash. Dan then covers and gets the three count. The fans cheer as the Down Boys are back in this contest.] TD: Well, the Down Boys did like the should and capitalised on Grey Phoenix. Good strategy. Now, the only problem is that Bear is the only man with any strength left! SL: The winners of the second fall, THE DOWN BOYS! [Immediately, the Down Boys attack Grey Phoenix, dragging him over to their corner and wailing away at him. They nail several combo moves such as a double superkick and a double clothesline. At that moment all eyes turn toward the curtains as The Harlequins, Chaos and Terror, come out to the top of the entryway. Meanwhile, Comedy is coming down through the crowd. The Down Boys, Bear and Kuyler turn to look at the Harlequins.] TD: Oh no! Comedy is going to ruin this match! SR: Yeah! I thought Melody was their manager, dammit! [As everybody's back is turned, Melody switches the Happy Hammer to "harmful" mode and whacks the recovering Grey Phoenix with it. Phoenix drops like a light. Comedy leaves through the crowd, bonking people on the head with the Happy Hammer, as she has turned it to the "harmless" mode. The Harlequins laugh and go back through the entryway. Everybody turns around to see Grey Phoenix down.] SR: Oh, please. You mean to tell me that they don't think anything fishy happened?! Damn, they must be tone deaf! How could you not hear that squeak?! [The Down Boys go over and pick up the downed Grey Phoenix. They hit a double shoulderbreaker. Dan goes over to the Predators corner and climbs the buckles. Adam picks Phoenix up and carries him over near the buckle. TD: They're going for the Unskinny Bop again! SR: Idiots! And they're doing it over by Bear! Man, these guys have been sniffing too much hairspray. [Adam prepares to hit the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker... but Phoenix pulls it down into a "Wolf Maul" corkscrew hurricanrana! Bear whacks Oliver off of the turnbuckles! The official makes the count: 1 -- 2 -- 3! It's over!] TD: Phoenix plays possum! And the Predators take the win! SL: The winners of the third fall, and your winners of the match, THE NATURAL PREDATORS! TD: Unbelievable! What an excellent plan by Grey Phoenix! SR: SEE YA, QUEERS! Don't let the door hit your asses on the way out! [The Lil' Soundbiters start up the usual chant of "Na-Na, Na-Na-Na-Na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye!"] TD: PLEASE! The Predators head back to the locker room in celebration with a great victory. The Down Boys have nothing to be ashamed about as they tried hard. They will be sorely missed. [For one last time, "Down Boys" by Warrant starts up over the loudspeakers as the Down Boys go to each corner and accept the crowd's cheers. Several wrestlers pour out of the locker room to say goodbye, such as Luke Steele, Derek Mota, Charles Scheffield, The NorthPac Coalition, The Benjamins, and Icehawk. The crowd and the assembled mass of wrestlers applaud the former tag champs. After the celebrating is done, everybody heads back to the locker room for a farewell party.] TD: And there go the Down Boys. Back to the locker room, as one of the most successful teams in recent months, having been tag champions, and who can forget them imitating Damage Inc? Into the book as one of the great teams of the IIWF. _That_, folks, is where the Down Boys go. So long, guys. SR: Aw, that was beautiful, Dross. Yeah, right. Eddy Jacks in a tutu is more beautiful. TD: Okay, folks, while our technical crew works on erecting the cage for our next encounter, let's go live down to Larry Morton at the Meatman Industries processing plant for the next stage of the Meatman Challenge. Steele and Valtharius have already been drugged, put in tiny cages, and beaten with bats... what could possibly be next? Larry? [The camera pans back to the Emeryville, California meat packing plant. This time, we are inside the plant, in a large open area. Off the side are the two cage, each hooked up to a crane via a chain. Valtharius and Steele are sore and bleeding, but are awake and trying to escape their cages. About a hundred feet away from the cages is a large black vat, with steam pouring out of the vat. Larry Morton and Dexter Gilbreath sit by the control centre of the room. Larry looks around nervously, a half-eaten bratwurst on a plate off to the side. Dexter, on the other hands, looks very pleased.] LM: We're inside the plant now, near the cleaning area of the meat processing plant. Inside that vat is water at a temperature of almost 300 degrees Fahrenheit. TD: Hold it, Larry... boiling water? DG: The better to remove any unclean materials. SR: Jesus, this bastard is sick. [Grinning, Dexter starts to push buttons on the control panel. Machinery starts up, and both Steele and Valtharius start moving in the air. Valtharius just looks at Gilbreath with an intense stare. Steele, who realises what is happening, starts to yell threats at his former employee. Dexter's grin widens. The cages are lifted several feet in the air, then slowly begin to move over towards the vat.] TD: This is... this isn't in the same ballpark as wrestling. It's just butchery. Did President Spreadbury actually allow this match to be signed? SR: Hey, boiling brings ratings, I guess. TD: This is no time to joke, Steve! SR: I'm only joking on the outside, Dross. Inside, I'm wincing. That looks like it's going to sting. [The cages are now over the vat, and the steam is hitting both cages. Valtharius looks down and spots the boiling water. He starts screaming.] V: NO BATH!!!! ME VALTHARIUS HATE BATH!!! [Dexter waves at the two, then pushes another button. Slowly, the cages start to lower.] TD: Larry, is there a doctor nearby? LM: [Speaking frantically] Yes, a doctor was on hand... he checked out the men after their attack from the bats... STOP IT! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL THEM! STOP IT NOW! [Dexter stands between the hyper-ventilating Larry and the control panel, and keeps smiling. In the cages, through the steam, Jimmy Steele looks as the cages approach the water. He looks around, looks up... and calls out to Valtharius. The monster, who was trying to rip apart the cage in a panic, sees his opponent reach out with his hands through the bars. Valtharius looks at the water, then grabs his opponent's arms. They pull towards each other, bringing the cages together. The winch machinery begins to grind as the cages clash.] TD: Valtharius and the Meatman are working together! They're joining cages, to keep the water from entering all four sides. SR: It'll help, I guess... but how much? [Valtharius is still screaming about baths as the water reaches the bottom of the cages and starts scalding the wrestlers. Both the Meatman and Valtharius then start hollering in absolute pain. Dexter activates another remote control. The one screen outside stays on the wrestlers as they slowly boil. The other screen first shows Karachel looking on with no expression on his face, then pans over to where the Meatman's wife and son watch on in horror. Dexter chuckles softly.] SR: Dexter, I hope one day you find yourself all alone in a room with Valtharius. [The water is up to their knees... and the winch machinery continues to grind from the strain of attempting to lower the linked cages any further. No one, either among the crowd outside or in the Portland Coliseum says a word. Frustrated, Gilbreath pushes another button and the cages start to rise again. They rise more rapidly than they fall, and soon both wrestlers are out of the water. Somehow, they are still arm-in-arm as the cages rise, but neither man seems capable of moving. The skin of both wrestlers is bright red.] LM: [slowly calming down.] Both wrestlers appear to be breathing. We're getting the doctor to check out both men when they reach the ground. I believe the water only went as far as their waists. [The cages move out of the way, and soon land at their original position. The cages are still locked, but a doctor immediately runs over and starts to examine both wrestlers. In the meantime, Dexter activates another video; an extreme close-up of a pig's snout as the pig squirms in front of the camera lens. Every detail of the snout is seen over the large screens. A narrator speaks the voice-over.] VO: Watch out for Mr. Snuffles. He makes a great pet, but he eats like a pot-bellied pig! SR: Dex, I hope you get an extra year in prison just for the clips! TD: Larry, what does the doctor say? LM: The doctor is not allowed to stop the match unless the situation is dire. He checked out both men, and says that they've only suffered minor burns and scaldings over their bodies. Apparently, linking the cages together saved them from further injury. The match will go on, and Dexter is ordering the cages back to the outside. Back to you at ringside. [Cut back to the broadcast table at ringside.] TD: This is simply barbaric, Steve Roberts. The doctors ought to be examining Dexter Gilbreath -- the man should be locked away. Well, folks, we'll head back to Larry Morton in our next hour for a further update on the progress of the Meatman Challenge, but right now, it's time for our big Loser Leaves Town tag team match. We took a look at the rivalry between the Fabulous Ones and the Machines earlier tonight on the Free For All... but it all comes to a head right now as both teams put their IIWF careers on the line in an effort to end their feud once and for all. Let's go up to Sparkplug Lee for the introductions. _____ _____ \ __ \ / __ / | | \ \ / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | | __ < LOSER LEAVES TOWN STEEL CAGE MATCH: > __ | | | \ \ The Machines vs. Fabulous Ones / / | | | |_/ /----------------------------------------------------------\ \_| | /____/ WRITER: Steve Carmichael \____\ [The cameras cut to varying shots of the ring. A 15 foot high steel cage has been erected around the ring during the Meatman Challenge segment, and is all set to go. Sparkplug Lee stands on the outside of the ominous looking cage, looking in. The bell sounds.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a special "Loser Leaves Town" bout which shall be contested inside a fifteen foot steel cage with a locked door. The match shall continue until a pinfall or submission is reached, and the loser leaves the IIWF permanently! ["Little Miss Dangerous" by Ted Nugent ushers out the gorgeous Ms. Miki. She's wearing a blue mini-sundress and by the fans' reaction it makes her look real good. She walks down the aisle, the stands next to the cage. Sparkplug Lee hands her the mic.] MM: Konbanwa, IIWF! [Huge cheer] It's time to end this feud. It's time to clean up the IIWF. It's time to send a message to the President and the rest of his minions that the finest tag team in the world is here, and there isn't a thing they can do about it. Tonight, in front of the world, the fantasy of every woman's ultimate ecstasy is going to take apart a team that has put me in the hospital, put Mr. Tsuburaya in a hospital, and put Agito in the hospital. Tonight, revenge is the name of the game. [The crowd gives a mixed pop.] Ladies, if you're ready for some eye-candy, here they come. [A huge ovation rocks the arena as "Kiss of Death" by Dokken fills the air. No lasers, no fireworks, no flashy entrances for this one.] MM: They hail from the "Land of the Rising Sun" and weigh in at a combined weight of 525 immaculate pounds. They're the original "Lady Thrillers". They're everything a man wants to be and everything a woman wants to be with! With no further ado, here are your "Wicked Sensations", "The Universal Heartthrob" Agito Nakajima and the "ShoStealer," "Sweet" Sho Satsuma, the FABULOUS ONES! [Then, bursting through the curtains carrying a ladder is Agito and Sho, both wearing jeans, tank tops, black boots, with their fists taped. Even dressed the way they are the women in attendance cheer like mad for their favourite duo. The Fabs walk confidently towards the caged ring, as they get a few feet from it, an engine of a car can be heard.] TD: What's that sound? SR: A sex toy I bet. [Suddenly, a clean white BMW rolls through the curtains of the entranceway, rushing at the ring. The sports car can hardly fit in the aisle.] TD: It's the Machines! SR: A BMW -- like I said, a sex toy. The ladies love a nice car. [Security starts to get in the way of the car, but quickly duck out of the way as the vehicle speeds up. The Fabs and their manager stare in amazement as the car keeps barrelling towards them. For a second no one is able to move. Then, just as the car gets a few feet from the Fabs, they bail out by leaping over the safety rails into the crowd on either side. Ms. Miki runs off to the other side of the ring.] * SCREEEEEECH!! CRASH!! * TD: My god! Paul just drove the BMW into the side of the ring! SR: Gay, and can't drive. What a crying shame. TD: That car crashed right into the cage. There's a clean break in the cage. This is serious. Paul Wong should be arrested. SR: Where he can join his buddi... TD: No Steve, I'm serious. This is beyond any normal fighting. Paul Wong said that he didn't care if he killed the Fabulous Ones... and looking at the condition of that car, I'd say he meant it. SR: But haven't you seen that movie... oh dammit, what's the name. You know, the one that was banned in forty-eight States. The ones about people who get some sort of sexual pleasure out of car crashes? TD: Steve, that is a line we need not cross. [The Machines get out of the wreck, and are immediately met by the Fabulous Ones. Agito and Paul start brawling on the hood of the car, while Sho and Simon trade blows outside of the ring. Simon takes advantage with a low blow, and hotshots Sho on the steel guardrail. Agito DDTs Paul Wong onto the hood of the car, then throws him through the break into the cage.] TD: The crowd's going nuts in here. I can't hear myself think. SR: You actually think? [Agito and Paul grab each other around the throat and start to try and choke each other, while Sho regains the advantage over O'Neal. Both Satsuma and O'Neal head over towards the open door of the cage. Sho slams Simon's head on the stairs, then enters the ring. Simon follows, a few steps behind.] TD: This match resembles nothing less than a train-wreck, folks. Look at the side of that cage, where the Machines' BMW struck! SR: I'm looking at it and I'm wondering just how the heck you can have a cage match, when you're missing one quarter of the cage?! TD: Well, this isn't a normal "first man to touch the floor wins" style cage match, so I guess referee Earl Alfonso will have to count the pinfall anywhere the match goes. SR: And with the hatred that these two teams have for each other, it could go anywhere. I'm starting to think I'm kind of happy I stayed awake for this one. [Inside the ring now, Sho Satsuma flattens Simon O'Neal with a series of headbutts, driving the Machine back against one of the steel cage walls. Sho begins to lay into him with knife edge chops, until O'Neal is able to dodge the last one, and Sho's hand chops against the steel cage. Simon grabs at Sho and pulls him up into a spinebuster. On the way down, the back of Sho's head connects with the steel cage, resulting in a horrific sound of flesh on steel, which rings out through the arena causing the crowd to wince. On the other side of the ring, Agito Nakajima is choking out Paul Wong with the bottom rope. O'Neal runs up behind the unsuspecting Fabulous One, and plants a kick between Agito's legs, right into Agito's lower midsection. The crowd responds with a heel pop, especially from the ladies.] TD: Oh no. There may be no rules, but moves like that are still uncalled for. SR: It's okay, Dross, he can handle the pain. He's a tag wrestler, remember? They like being hit there. [O'Neal begins to lay stomps onto the downed Agito, and Wong soon makes it to his feet and the two begin to lay into Agito with double stomps and elbow drops. Paul pulls Agito up to his feet via his hair, and whips him to the opposite ropes. Agito comes back and runs into a double clothesline from the Machines. Wong pounces onto Agito and begins to hammer away at his face. Agito covers up, hoping to block Wong's angry blows. Sho has managed to pull himself up to his feet, and as Simon O'Neal walks over to him, Sho plants a stiff crescent kick into the chin of the Machine. Simon gets right back to his feet, but is downed by another kick. Satsuma pulls Simon up to his feet and connects with a vicious snap suplex. Sho makes the cover, but is pulled off of O'Neal by Wong before Alfonso can make a count.] TD: That pinfall attempt really surprises me, being in the middle of an all-out brawl. It just shows that the Fabulous Ones are still thinking in this match. SR: Yeah, but Wong and O'Neal are out to kick their butts. You can think all you want to, but it won't stop these guys from stomping you into the ground. The Machines are bloodthirsty Dross. [Wong clasps on a side-headlock on Sho, which doesn't last very long as Sho manages to push him off, sending Wong tumbling between the ropes, and landing on the battered section of the steel cage laying against the car at ringside. Sho follows it up by leaping over the top rope, and crashing down against Wong with a plancha, driving Paul Wong back into the steel cage wall. Satsuma is laid out on the hood of the car, catching his breath.] TD: What a risk! Sho Satsuma could have seriously injured himself there! SR: And we all know what a shame that would be. TD: It's bad enough that the IIWF has to lose one of it's fine tag teams, but if the winners were to be injured so bad that they couldn't continue their career here in the IIWF either... well, it'd be a real shame. [As Sho and Wong lay on the outside of the ring, Simon and Agito are both rising about the same time on the inside. Agito plants a kick into Simon's midsection, and hoists up the 227 pound O'Neal into a bench press. Agito holds him high above his head, and presses him a few times before throwing Simon face first into the steel cage wall. O'Neal's head bounces off of the steel, and he falls back, getting his foot tangled between the top and middle rope. Agito takes advantage of this and begins to lay in kicks to the prone and vulnerable Machine. On the opposite side of the ring, Sho Satsuma is up and pulls the ladder into the ring. Sho calls over Agito, and the two have a brief conference on what to do next.] TD: And the Fabulous Ones have the collective advantage right now, that being the fact that they are both up on their feet, and Paul Wong is still out on the floor, and Simon O'Neal is still caught on the ropes. SR: Oh man, things are about to get interesting. Look out in the isle. It's the Northpac Coalition. TD: "Constable" Tom Turner, and "The Immolator" Akira Saito have apparently come to get a closer look at the action. But notice how they aren't getting too close to the ring. SR: They're keeping their distance. They're gonna let the Fabulous Ones and the Machines beat each other to a pulp, and then they'll lay in their shots. [Sho sets up the ladder in the middle of the ring, as "The Universal Hearthrob" Agito Nakajima untangles O'Neal's leg, and pulls him over to the ladder. Sho has already climbed up the opposite side of the ladder, and Agito begins to climb now.] TD: What's this? [Agito reaches up, and Sho lays out onto Agito's hands for a make-shift bench press.] TD: They're going for the Kamikaze Slam off the ladder! [Agito sends Sho flying through the air, but lands face-first into the mat as Simon O'Neal has rolled out of the way. Agito hops down and whips O'Neal into the ropes, but Simon leapfrogs over Nakajima, and hits him with a spinning neckbreaker seemingly from nowhere. Paul Wong on the outside has made it to his feet, but is distracted by Ms. Miki who begins to taunt him. Wong looks at Miki, and doesn't think twice about taking a swing at her, much to the shock of the crowd. Miki barely manages to dodge the wild swing, and she runs for her life, darting away from Paul Wong. Wong shrugs his shoulders, and rolls into the ring to join his partner. Wong scoops up Satsuma and bodyslams him down to the mat, and follows up with an elbowdrop to Sho's throat. O'Neal begins to choke out Agito, until Wong drops an elbow into Agito's cranium. The Machines pull up Nakajima by his hair, and double whip straight into the ladder. Agito bounces back, and is double-clotheslined by Wong and O'Neal, who also clothesline the ladder which falls over and lands on the knee of Sho Satsuma, still sprawled out on the mat.] TD: What is this, a ladder match or a steel cage match? SR: It's both, Dross. You have to learn to be flexible. Just go with the flow. [The NorthPac Coalition continue to watch on with interest, as the Machines both cover The Fabulous Ones at the same time. Earl Alfonso counts a two count on Satsuma before he finds the strength to get his shoulder up. Alfonso spins around to count down Agito, but by the time he is in position, Agito has already kicked out. Wong pulls Agito up, but in a desperate attempt at retaliation, Agito grabs onto the front of Paul's tights and leans back, sending Wong flying through the ropes that are missing the cage wall. Wall lands hard once again on the section of cage that is propped up against the BMW. Simon O'Neal pulls Sho Satsuma up to his feet, and plants him into the corner with a whip. Simon glances over to see Agito getting to his feet, so the smaller Machine runs at Agito and flies with a cross bodyblock, which Agito manages to catch. But the momentum from the move pushes both wrestlers back, and over the top rope. O'Neal manages to hang on to the side of the cage to prevent himself from falling, but Agito falls down hard next to Wong, on the cage. O'Neal climbs between the ropes, and charges at Sho still in the corner, but the 'Sweet' one ducks down, and back body drops Simon, sending him into the air and crashing into the steel bars that surround the rest of the cage.] TD: Both teams have had the advantage now, and it looks like Paul Wong is rising up on the outside of the ring. [The camera cuts to a split screen as Wong slowly gets up on the outside and begins cutting into Agito with punches. On the other screen, Steve Roberts and Tim Dross are shown, and an unidentified individual has appeared at Steve's side, whispering something.] SR: Hold on Dross... someone's telling me that the special guest referee for the main event has been identified. TD: You mean one of your stooges, right? So who is it? SR: Hold on... what the... Marc Destructo?! You idiot! Get back there and get the real scoop! I must know! [Steve takes a swipe at his lackey, but the lackey is already gone, running back through the crowd to get the scoop. The camera returns to it's regular view, as Paul Wong helps Agito to his feet, only to whip him down the isle, into the steel retaining barrier. The NorthPac Coalition start backing up the isle, away from the action as they do not seem to wish to be involved. In the ring, Sho bodyslams the smaller O'Neal, and scales the top turnbuckle. Sho doesn't stop at the top ropes though, and begins to climb the cage, facing his opponent.] TD: Don't tell me we're going to see him dive off the top... [Sho climbs all the way to the top bar, and signals out to the crowd, drawing in a decent pop from the crowd. Sho leaps off and seemingly glides through the air, and down the ten foot fall to the mat below, driving a headbutt into O'Neal's chest. Light bulbs flash from camera's as Sho takes to the air and connects the big diving headbutt. Sho seems to be a bit winded, but after a few moments to collect himself, Sho drapes an arm across the chest of Simon O'Neal as Wong and Agito continue to brawl up the isle. One... two... thre... shoulder up. Sho complains about a slow count to Earl Alfonso, and covers Simon once again. A near three count again, but Simon O'Neal still finds the strength to kick out. Sho looks down at the Machine in disbelief, until he spots his partner out in the aisleway, on the receiving end of a fury of fists from Paul Wong. Sho gets to his feet and crawls out of the ring through the broken cage. He climbs across the car and lands on the ground and runs up the isle to help his partner. Sho drills a clothesline into the back of the unsuspecting Wong, knocking him over. Referee Earl Alfonso climbs through the hole in the wall, and follows the fight to the end of the aisle in front of the jumbotron.] TD: This fight is going all the way to the entranceway. Who knows, it may end up in the concession stands. SR: Tell them to pick me up a Mooselips if they get back there. [Agito takes a breather as Sho stomps and kicks at Wong's ribs. Simon O'Neal starts to stir in the ring, and rolls all the way to the outside of the cage, via the missing wall. A groggy Simon O'Neal makes his way down the aisle, charging towards Sho, but is cut off by Agito. No sweat for Simon, as he takes to the air and brings down Agito with a Thesz Press. Big pop as Sho covers Wong, and Alfonso begins to count: one... two... and is interrupted when Simon O'Neal kicks at the back of Satsuma's head. O'Neal greets Sho with a punch to the head, and grabs him by his hair and pulls him into the metal pole helping to hold up the jumbo-tron. The hollow metal clangs as Sho falls. To add insult to injury, Simon begins to climb up the metal pipes, using Sho's head as his first step.] TD: And all four men now are fighting right in front of the jumbotron. This is where The Machines powerbombed Mr. Tsuburaya, the Fabulous Ones' manager, just two weeks ago! SR: With any luck all four of them will climb up, fall up and each one will be carried to the hospital with broken necks. TD: Aren't we the hopeful one? [O'Neal laughs at Sho, until Sho reaches up and pulls on Simon's leg. As Simon loses his balance, he manages to plant a stiff kick into the face of Sho Satsuma, causing him to let go of his hold. O'Neal senses Sho's anger and begins to get out of Dodge... by climbing up the jumbotron! Big pop as Sho follows him up. Wong and Agito have been trading punches all the while, until Wong is whipped into the retaining barrier keeping the IIWF fans away. Agito spots his partner climbing the jumbotron, and runs over to the opposite end and quickly begins to climb. O'Neal makes it up, with Sho right behind him. Simon takes cover, and runs to the other side of the jumbotron, only to be greeted with the sight of Agito Nakajima making it to the top. Big pop as the Fabulous Ones have Simon O'Neal trapped in the middle of the jumbotron, with no place to go except down.] TD: Oh my! Simon O'Neal is trapped up on the jumbotron with no way down! The Fabulous Ones have him sandwiched! This is not a good thing for Simon O'Neal! SR: Okay, maybe all three will fall. Three out of four ain't bad! [Simon looks over as the Fabulous Ones grin and slowly, but surely stalk their way closer to O'Neal and the centre of the jumbotron. Paul Wong takes the opportunity to glance up after seeing none of his opponents on the floor. Wong quickly realises his partner's dilemma and climbs up the jumbotron as fast as he can. Sho blasts Simon with a superkick, knocking him into Agito. Agito places a kick into O'Neal's midsection, and hoists him up in a power-bomb position! The crowd pops loudly as Agito holds him up high and prepares to powerbomb him off the jumbotron!] TD: Good God, no! Not off the jumbotron! SR: Why not, Dross? The Machines did it to the Fabulous Ones' manager! TD: Two wrongs don't make a right, Steve! Oh, thank heavens! [Wong has clipped Sho's legs out, whom was preparing to spike the power-bomb. At the same time, Simon O'Neal realised the imminent danger he is in, and hammers fists into Agito's skull rapidly. O'Neal manages to squirm out of the powerbomb position, and lays punches into the bigger Agito. Agito fires back with a vicious shove... which knocks back Simon, almost over the edge! The NorthPac Coalition watch on from the middle of the isle now, out of harm's reach, as Wong makes a lunge to grasp his partner to prevent him from falling. Simon latches on to Agito and pulls him back as well. All three men push back and the crowd goes silent as Sho Satsuma is bumped off the jumbotron, as all three of the other men fly off as well! All four men fall down off of the jumbotron!] TD: Oh my! This is horrendous! SR: See?! I told ya! [Agito, Paul, Sho and Simon all land in a clump on the floor. Agito and Wong land next to each other, on their backs. Sho Satsuma lies unconscious several feet away, on his front and Simon O'Neal lies a few feet in the opposite direction, having flown the farthest. Not a man moves and the crowd goes very silent. Referee Earl Alfonso stands above the mess of humanity spilled out on the floor, doing the only thing he can do... count down all four men.] TD: Forget about the damn match! Get some help out here right now for both teams! SR: Oh, quit your whining and let the boys finish their match! TD: It's awfully hard to complete a match with a broken neck, Steve Roberts. SR: Oh, and what are the odds that all four mean each have broken necks, hmm? [Earl Alfonso reaches a count of four. Not a single man moves. "Constable" Tom Turner and "The Immolator" Akira Saito move in closer, inspecting the wreckage of the Fabulous Ones and the Machines. Alfonso reaches an eight count, and miraculously, Agito Nakajima raises his arm, and lays it across the chest of Paul Wong. Alfonso instinctively gets down and counts a one. Paul Wong now reaches out an arm, and drapes it across Agito's chest. Alfonso counts two. Agito is able to push Wong's hand away. Three. DING! DING! DING! The crowd remains rather quiet, as neither man really show any more signs of movement after the pinfall attempt. Sho Satsuma is able to move onto his side, but Simon O'Neal still has yet to move.] SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match... the Fabulous Ones! [Now the fans erupt with a huge mixed pop!] TD: So that means we won't be seeing the Machines around in the IIWF any more. And it's really a shame, because say what you want about these two guys, but you cannot deny the fact that they were a great tag team here in the IIWF. [EMTs appear from behind the curtain, mixed with IIWF officials and Gregg Osterhout, who oversees everything. The EMTs pay particular attention to Simon O'Neal, who still has not moved. Simon is the first to be strapped onto a stretcher. One of the crew puts a neck brace on over Simon's damaged neck. The crowd still remains fairly quiet, as the reality of the injuries sets in on their minds. The Coalition continue to stand back and watch from the sidelines, making sure not to get in the way. Sho Satsuma is able to sit up on his own now, apparently getting a less serious injury than his partner or his opponents. Simon O'Neal is carted away by the EMTs as Paul Wong and Agito Nakajima are each placed onto separate stretchers.] TD: And Sho Satsuma is able to at least get up on his own. SR: Three out of four ain't bad. TD: You know, even though the injuries may be career-threatening to both teams, the loss of the Machines to the IIWF is really sad. It's really disappointing that both teams let things get to this point, where a ten, fifteen foot fall from the jumbotron is how they have to settle their differences. I'm sure they both could have been contending for the World Tag Team championship if they weren't so focussed on ending each others' careers. [Sho is helped up to his feet, and he puts his arms around two of the officials that are helping him out. Wong is wheeled away first, and as The Fabulous Ones are exiting the mess, The Northpac Coalition finally get involved, as Akira whips out a mic.] AS: Now we will have our chance to eliminate these pretenders ourselves. They are a disgrace to a once honourable land. CTT: [yelling and pointing to the Fabs] You're ours! What happened to you in this match will be nothing when we get through with you! [The Fabulous Ones probably don't even hear the cries of Turner, as Agito is wheeled out on his stretcher, and Sho slowly walks back through the curtain with the help of two officials. Cut back to the broadcast position.] TD: One must wonder if those words have fallen across deaf ears, because I doubt that The Fabulous Ones, or the Machines, will be quite the same again. Folks, that brings us to the end of our first hour -- and we'll be right back in a few moments with more incredible action, including the final of the "King of the Cruisers" tournament, the big grudge match between Tiger Claw and "Enigma" Takezo Musashi, and the "Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal" tag team encounter between the Baddest Thangs Running and the Black Watch. Stay right there! [Cut to a wide-angle shot of the IIWF Coliseum as the EMTs disappear backstage with the fallen athletes. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Gregg Osterhout | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | ghost@frii.com | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+